{OT} Weather metaphors

Da' Bear

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Sep 1, 2003, 10:02:08 PM9/1/03

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For some reason I get a kick out of phrases like "It's as cold out there
as my Mother-in-law's heart" or, "Damn Clem, it's hotter than a three
balled Tomcat!".
Any funny one's ya'll can add to my repertoire?
--
Bear Graves
"The Secret of Zen lies in two words only: Not Always So..."
-Shunryu Suzuki

John Grubb

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:11:51 PM9/1/03

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Colder than a Nun's butt in a walk-in freezer.

"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message
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John Grubb

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:12:34 PM9/1/03

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Wetter than fish piss.

"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message
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John Grubb

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:16:34 PM9/1/03

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It was so cold, the Polar Bears were pissin Icicles.

Ok, I'll be quite now.

"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message
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Kurt Slauson

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:22:49 PM9/1/03

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"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message
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My dad used to say: Colder than a witch tit.

(I note the Canadians have chimed in with the cold metaphors:)

O yeah

Hotter than a three dollar pistol ...the classic.

Kurt

John Grubb

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:40:18 PM9/1/03

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OK, last one.
It was so cold, I could see my farts.

John (formerly posted as Metaryder)
Caledonian Mixture 466 in a Stanwell Brass Band

"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message
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Da' Bear

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:43:44 PM9/1/03

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John Grubb wrote:

> OK, last one.
> It was so cold, I could see my farts.

"Heat's got me sweatin' like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee..."

Scott Curtis

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:47:41 PM9/1/03

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Here's a few I came up with on my own:

" It was windier than that last time it was really windy."

"Today was hotter than a day in July that was super hot."

"It feels colder than when it gets so cold that layering of clothing
is required."

Please don't envy my genius.

SC

John Grubb

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Sep 1, 2003, 11:59:15 PM9/1/03

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Don't even get me started on 'Heat'.

"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message

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Doc Elder

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Sep 2, 2003, 12:08:06 AM9/2/03

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"Colder than a frog's fanny in Fairbanks in February"... "Been so long
since we had rain that I caught a four-pound bass that didn't know how to
swim." "Last time it was this hot, there's wuz Gila monsters lined all up
and down the highway holdin' up signs beggin' rides to Canada."

-Doc

--
--------

It's only the giving that makes you... what you are

Briarroot

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Sep 2, 2003, 4:39:45 AM9/2/03

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Da' Bear wrote:
>
> For some reason I get a kick out of phrases like "It's as cold out there
> as my Mother-in-law's heart" or, "Damn Clem, it's hotter than a three
> balled Tomcat!".
> Any funny one's ya'll can add to my repertoire?

"It was like a cow, pissing on a flat rock!"

...used to describe a very hard rain ;-)

Regards,

Tim Parker ... Barbary Coast in a no-name billiard

Stephen E. Williamson

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Sep 2, 2003, 5:58:06 AM9/2/03

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Hotter that a freshly f*cked fox in a forest fire.

James Fawls

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Sep 2, 2003, 9:26:02 PM9/2/03

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Cold enough to freeze the bollocks off a brass monkey

Smoketalk

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:36:50 AM9/2/03

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colder than a well-diggers ass on the Klondike

colder than a frog on a mountain

Sailorman Jack

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:41:48 AM9/2/03

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>From: James Fawls

>Cold enough to freeze the bollocks off a brass monkey

This is a nautical usage. The original is, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off
a brass monkey."

Originally, the phrase was meant to be taken literally.

Ready munitions were sometimes stored on deck in sailing ships. Included among
these were cannon balls which we held in brack racks called "monkeys." Very
cold weather could case the balls to contract, shift position in the racks and
fall off the racks.

Fair winds,
Sailorman Jack
Port of New York
-------------------------------------------------------------
"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch." Professor Bernardo De La Paz in
Robert Heinlein's "The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress"

Sailorman Jack

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:53:13 AM9/2/03

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>From: Sailorman Jack

>Included among
>these were cannon balls which we held in brack racks

should have been "which were held in brass racks"

Sorry.

Jack

Steve Oglesby

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Sep 2, 2003, 8:33:50 AM9/2/03

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On Tue, 02 Sep 2003 04:39:45 -0400, Briarroot wrote:

>Da' Bear wrote:
>>
>> For some reason I get a kick out of phrases like "It's as cold out there
>> as my Mother-in-law's heart" or, "Damn Clem, it's hotter than a three
>> balled Tomcat!".
>> Any funny one's ya'll can add to my repertoire?
>
>
>"It was like a cow, pissing on a flat rock!"
>
>...used to describe a very hard rain ;-)

That's the one my dad used most often; the other was "frog strangler."

Steve

Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

Bill Burney

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Sep 2, 2003, 8:46:51 AM9/2/03

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So dry the catfish have ticks.

Monty Python: "Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum."

Bill

Richard Martin

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Sep 2, 2003, 9:04:34 AM9/2/03

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On 02 Sep 2003 10:41:48 GMT, chantym...@aol.com (Sailorman Jack)
wrote:

>This is a nautical usage. The original is, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off
>a brass monkey."
>
>Originally, the phrase was meant to be taken literally.
>
>Ready munitions were sometimes stored on deck in sailing ships. Included among
>these were cannon balls which we held in brack racks called "monkeys." Very
>cold weather could case the balls to contract, shift position in the racks and
>fall off the racks.
>
>Fair winds,
>Sailorman Jack
>Port of New York

Brass monkeys were used on ceremonial occasions. Every day monkeys
were wooden.

Richard

Joe Duffy

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Sep 2, 2003, 10:03:49 AM9/2/03

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In article <bj0tn3$e21m8$1...@ID-97590.news.uni-berlin.de>,

Da' Bear <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote:
>For some reason I get a kick out of phrases like "It's as cold out there
>as my Mother-in-law's heart" or, "Damn Clem, it's hotter than a three
>balled Tomcat!".
>Any funny one's ya'll can add to my repertoire?
>--

My friend, Kobe's, favorite:
Hotter 'n a fresh f*@%ed fox in
a forest fire!
Which, for some reason, he would always
closely follow, with:
Shit cried the king, 10,000 assholes started
to swing... Oh, my God, am I here all
alone!?!

... and of course, my dad's favorite:
Cold as a witch's tit in January!

Joe

Tom Cavanagh

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Sep 2, 2003, 11:19:45 AM9/2/03

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How about, "Man that snow's asshole deep to a nine foot Indian".

Tom

ip...@ptd.net

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Sep 2, 2003, 1:09:30 PM9/2/03

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> Cold enough to freeze the bollocks off a brass monkey
>

A few of Nizo's favorites:

- Hot enough for a dog to sneeze into a ventilation fan.

- Cold enough for a stable of body builders to pass the New York State
driving exam.

- Cold enough for a tearful ventriloquist to catapult a Bishop.

Sailorman Jack

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Sep 2, 2003, 2:05:51 PM9/2/03

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>From: Richard Martin

>Brass monkeys were used on ceremonial occasions. Every day monkeys
>were wooden.
>
>Richard

You may be right. I got my information from an old time seaman, Stan Hugill,
who was the last of the chanteymen.
He's dead now, so I can't query him.

Jack

Nos Pam

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Sep 2, 2003, 4:42:32 PM9/2/03

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"Da' Bear" <be...@goldneedle.net> wrote in message

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I know a bunch, but technically, they aren't metaphors... They are similes
(comparisons using 'as' or 'like'..)

Metaphors are much to flowery to explain how freakin' cold it is or how
hedonistically hot the weather is today...

Suffice it to say that it's hotter than a june bug on the 4th of July!

*G*

Kristyn

Scott Freeman

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:23:13 PM9/2/03

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My favorite " Its hotter than 40 hells" my other favorite describes when
you are feeling down "Lower than whale shit"
Scott

"Nos Pam" <nos...@wyndmyre.com> wrote in message
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James Kime

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:26:51 PM9/2/03

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Hiya,

Sky looks uglier than a jar of crushed assholes.

James Kime

.

Dont worry about me Im gonna make it alright/Got my enemies cross haired and in
my sight/I take a bad situation and make it right/In the shadows of darkness I
stand in the light/Ya see its my style and Ill keep it true/ had a bad year but
I got through

Briarroot

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Sep 2, 2003, 6:38:29 PM9/2/03

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Heheh! I thought for a moment that you were there, Jack. ;-)

Regards,

Tim Parker ... Barbary Coast in a no-name dublin

James D. Beard

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Sep 2, 2003, 8:18:52 PM9/2/03

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Kurt Slauson wrote:
> Hotter than a three dollar pistol ...the classic.

Nope. The classic is hotter than a two dollar pistol.
Some confusion with ?Queer as a three dollar bill??

Course, there may have been a little inflation since the
cheapest pistols were $2.00...

Cheers!

jim b.

--
Unix is not user-unfriendly; it merely
expects users to be computer-friendly.

gerard montoya

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Sep 2, 2003, 8:52:22 PM9/2/03

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In article <Xns93EA3C0A64856stevew443frontiernet@
66.133.130.30>, stev...@frontiernet.net says...

> Hotter that a freshly f*cked fox in a forest fire.
>

Hotter'n two cats f*cking in a wool sock...

Tom Mack

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Sep 2, 2003, 9:03:47 PM9/2/03

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More worthless than tits on a tomcat.

Tom Mack

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Sep 2, 2003, 9:02:14 PM9/2/03

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Hornier than a two-peckered billy goat.

Tom Mack

Robbie

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Sep 3, 2003, 7:31:16 PM9/3/03

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> Any funny one's ya'll can add to my repertoire?

Propagating stereotypea and probably will have limited usage in Arizona
but....

Canada.... ten months of winter and two months of bad snowmobiling.

Robbie