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iDRMRSR

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 1:45:48 PM1/30/05
to
Didja ever notice, a standard package of bacon has 16 normal sized slices in
it and one really fucked up thin piece of bacon to round out the pound.

Lately, it has occurred to me that would be a GREAT job for a SubGenius, to
work in the meat factory at the end of the slicer and be responsible for
adding just the right size sliver of bacon to make it EXACTLY 1.000000000
pounds, thereby maximizing the profits of Con-food-CON and complying with
all USDA and mercantile laws governing weights and measures!

[*]
-----


just john

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 1:52:27 PM1/30/05
to
... and how come nobody has written a song about an explosion in such a
processing plant, titled "Bacon All Over"?

Rev. Richard Skull

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 2:44:41 PM1/30/05
to
Thanks to Science, this job is endangered!
Scientist have genticly engineered a pig that will produce quantities
of Pork Chops, bacon, Ham, Pig's Feet, and Tripe to meet all required
truth-in-packaging laws.

Anotehr fine DoobsCo Product!

nu-monet v7.0

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 3:59:33 PM1/30/05
to
iDRMRSR wrote:
>
> Lately, it has occurred to me that would be a
> GREAT job for a SubGenius, to work in the meat
> factory at the end of the slicer and be responsible
> for adding just the right size sliver of bacon to
> make it EXACTLY 1.000000000 pounds...

Have you ever bought a 5# box of 'Sugar Creek' bacon
ends & pieces? You get 5-1# packages, but they are
all uneven and irregular and are either pure fat or
chucks of bacony ham.

You separate the fat from the ham, then cook down the
fat for bacon grease and pork rinds, then cook the
ham like you would ham.

I would have to estimate that it is approximately
TWICE as Slackful as regular bacon to play with and
eat. And you get all that wonderful bacon grease to
do with as you will!

--
"This bacon will live with us!"

washer of kegs

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 4:12:16 PM1/30/05
to
nu-monet v7.0 wrote:

> iDRMRSR wrote:
>>

>
> I would have to estimate that it is approximately
> TWICE as Slackful as regular bacon to play with and
> eat. And you get all that wonderful bacon grease to
> do with as you will!
>

I do not care how bad it is for my veins, jambalaya without lard is just a
fancy rice pilaf!

Revi Shankar

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 4:12:29 PM1/30/05
to

"iDRMRSR" wrote


Geeze, I dunno, you wouldn't get very much out of most SubG's. Some of us,
ok, we'd last longer, but folks like stang'd be good for a few dozen pounds.


Eddie Vroom

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 5:44:28 PM1/30/05
to
nu-monet v7.0 wrote:

> I would have to estimate that it is approximately
> TWICE as Slackful as regular bacon to play with and
> eat. And you get all that wonderful bacon grease to
> do with as you will!

Mounting up your own production of The Aristocrats, eh?

--
Art and Fashion for the New Conspiracy

http://www.cafepress.com/luciddragon

the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004

brt...@dangermedia.org

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 5:53:03 PM1/30/05
to
"Did the narwhal pull their plows? Devilfish drive their water wheels?"

Talysman the Ur-Beatle

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Jan 30, 2005, 6:52:07 PM1/30/05
to
"just john" <teuy...@sneakemail.com> wrote in
news:1107111147.1...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:

> ... and how come nobody has written a song about an explosion in such a
> processing plant, titled "Bacon All Over"?
>

done. here's the next Interrobang Cartel hit, "Bacon All Over". if I can
figure out how to sing it with my crappy voice, I'll even record it
(already have the music finished.)

BACON ALL OVER

pig plant explosion!
swine are in the sky!
someone left the boiler runnin'
and now they've blown it sky high!

bacon all over,
rinds are on the ground,
such a shameful waste of pigmeat...
I think I'll pick up a pound.

I'd like some ham, little mama,
I'd eat some bacon every day,
so it's my good fortune
the plant blew up today.

bacon all over,
swine are in the sky!
someone sabotaged the pig-plant
and now they've nlown it sky high!

pig plant explosion!
swine are in the sky!
someone filled the air with bacon
and now we're all gonna fry!

bacon all over,
rinds are on the ground,
found some slabs of fatty goodness
just scattered all around

I'd like some ham, little mama,
I'd eat some bacon every day,
so it's my good fortune
the plant blew up today.

bacon all over,
swine are in the sky!
someone sabotaged the pig-plant
and now they've nlown it sky high!


--
Talysman the Ur-Beatle, STRAWGRASPER

Talysman the Ur-Beatle

unread,
Jan 30, 2005, 6:53:29 PM1/30/05
to
"just john" <teuy...@sneakemail.com> wrote in
news:1107111147.1...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:

> ... and how come nobody has written a song about an explosion in such a


> processing plant, titled "Bacon All Over"?
>

also, someone pointed me to this:

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF072BCInstantBacon.html

Rev. Ivan Stang

unread,
Feb 1, 2005, 12:25:47 PM2/1/05
to
In article <5aydnZNZ-bs...@adelphia.com>, Revi Shankar
<m...@privacy.net> wrote:

A feller only has SO much foreskin to spare.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB

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