Why DO people say "Suck my dick!", anyway?
HellPopeHuey
and/or scorn and not at all the sorts of people from whom they'd
really LIKE to receive fellation, unless they are twisted sado-maso
cases who would get an extra thrill from maybe having the person chomp
down with their teeth. My personal experience has been that those who
have fellated me had basically loving intent and a desire to make me
smile like a big goofy dog or sumthin', so it seems almost as stupid
as "Fuck you!", when the last thing you'd really want is for them to
have an enjoyable sexual encounter.
The number of people from whom I would truly like to receive this
service is a great deal smaller than the number who hurl the phrase
about casually. You can line up if you want, but most of you are
stupid, ugly and possessed of really awful breath in various
combinations, so my zipper is staying UP and fuck you if you don't
like it. BTW, that particular "fuck you" means, like, rectally, and
with a saguaro cactus or by 5 wart hogs. Just wanted to be clear,
there.
--
HellPope Huey
Rides on the stick in my ass: $6 per.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --
but I don't always agree with them.
- George Bush
"The President is gagging on my gas bladder!
What an HONOR!"
- "Futurama"
phy
news:8cc8cffc.04082...@posting.google.com:
>
>
THe last time a dude said that to me I said "you'd like that wouldn't you?"
I wasn't expecting him to say "I dunno, I might." I told him I liked him
better when he was still in the closet.
He told another guy that if he would only grow tits on his back, he would
marry him. I said I wouldn't, though I might grudge-fuck him.
-phy
iDRMRSR
of the things that people say BLOW actually do.
About 3% by my recent tally.
[*]
-----
nu-monet v7.0
>
> I mean, those to whom they usually say it
> are the subject of anger and/or scorn and
> not at all the sorts of people from whom
> they'd really LIKE to receive fellation,
> unless they are twisted sado-maso cases
> who would get an extra thrill from maybe
> having the person chomp down with their
> teeth.
I have no problem with the expression, "He
stepped on his dick", though.
Years ago, I made a few coins by working at a
national Boy Scout Jamboree. I got to meet their
mascot "Pedro" the donkey. Now this particular
"Pedro" had a problem that his dong was longer
than his short little legs.
Well, every now and then, Pedro would relax, and
his enormous pud would come lumbering out, to rest
on the ground. And Pedro would invariably step on
his dick.
Now, for most of us, that would be a painful
experience, but it was all the stimulation Pedro
would need to make him a very happy donkey. I had
heard of this phenomenon, but I had never witnessed
it, and was only half convinced.
This sunny afternoon, there were lots of civilians
at the Jamboree, including some bad local girls
trolling for boys, wearing hot pants and billowy
tops. A couple of same were sitting on one end of
Pedro's fence, while I sat on the other side.
Well, these girls made great sport of poor Pedro and
his equipment, making fun at his expense and otherwise
verbally abusing him. Pedro turned to look at them
and sure as a gun, his enormous shlong came flopping
out.
The reaction of the girls was loud and uproarious,
from "ewww, gross!" to "Oh my gawd!" to laughing and
pointing. And then Pedro stepped on it.
There was a slight pause, and then, for the first time,
Pedro gave off the uniquely donkey "Hee-Haw! Hee-Haw!".
And then he blew what must have been a quart or two of
precious donkey bodily fluid all over those two girls.
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"
I hurt myself when I fell off that fence. I didn't care.
--
"I can imagine a LOT when it comes
to unimaginable power."
-- nu-monet
Zapanas
(HellPopeHuey) wrote:
>I mean, those to whom they usually say it are the subject of anger
>and/or scorn and not at all the sorts of people from whom they'd
>really LIKE to receive fellation, unless they are twisted sado-maso
>cases who would get an extra thrill from maybe having the person chomp
>down with their teeth. My personal experience has been that those who
>have fellated me had basically loving intent and a desire to make me
>smile like a big goofy dog or sumthin', so it seems almost as stupid
>as "Fuck you!", when the last thing you'd really want is for them to
>have an enjoyable sexual encounter.
>
> The number of people from whom I would truly like to receive this
>service is a great deal smaller than the number who hurl the phrase
>about casually. You can line up if you want, but most of you are
>stupid, ugly and possessed of really awful breath in various
>combinations, so my zipper is staying UP and fuck you if you don't
>like it. BTW, that particular "fuck you" means, like, rectally, and
>with a saguaro cactus or by 5 wart hogs. Just wanted to be clear,
>there.
I saw a verbal fight yesterday.
A young stud, driving a huge black SUV offroad flatbed truck which he
would never in it's lifetime take offroad or load anything in the bed,
naturally. He was the instigator of the whole thing.
First he was shouting something or other, somebody had stolen HIS
parking space, I guess, from what sense I could make of it.
He leaps out of his huge black SUV and runs over to the guy in HIS
parking space and starts yelling threats of violence at him.
"I'll knock you the fuck out, bitch!" And blah blah blah.
I don't remember all the details, but like that one line I do
remember, it was all answers to the question "what does a black pimp
say to a ho who has angered him?"
Why? Because they think it sounds scary. Whenever white hyoomins
want to sound scary and intimidating, they talk as if they were black
hyoomins.
Usually people say something they think is scary and/or repulsive when
they're angry. Because it gets your attention.
And that's what they really want. For you to pay attention and take
them seriously.
Especially a young white guy, that is the paramount thing. That
people pay attention and take him seriously.
--
Zapanas
Inernational Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Service Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
all corporations in Wisconsin are linked by witches
fenian
"Zapanas" <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl> wrote in message
news:tqqhi0lcpq6otcscc...@4ax.com...
> people pay attention and take him seriously.
Well ya! HE was the one driving the big black SUV. That automatically grants
him all the authority he needs. I hope that disrepectful bastard that took
his parking spot apologized, and bought him a fruit basket. Sheesh. Whats
the world coming to?
nenslo
dick is so unsuckable that it's the worst insult they can think of.
HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer
<http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl> wrote:
>
>I saw a verbal fight yesterday.
>
>A young stud, driving a huge black SUV offroad flatbed truck which he
>would never in it's lifetime take offroad or load anything in the bed,
>naturally. He was the instigator of the whole thing.
>
>First he was shouting something or other, somebody had stolen HIS
>parking space, I guess, from what sense I could make of it.
>
>He leaps out of his huge black SUV and runs over to the guy in HIS
>parking space and starts yelling threats of violence at him.
>
>"I'll knock you the fuck out, bitch!" And blah blah blah.
>
>I don't remember all the details, but like that one line I do
>remember, it was all answers to the question "what does a black pimp
>say to a ho who has angered him?"
>
>Why? Because they think it sounds scary. Whenever white hyoomins
>want to sound scary and intimidating, they talk as if they were black
>hyoomins.
>
>Usually people say something they think is scary and/or repulsive when
>they're angry. Because it gets your attention.
>
>And that's what they really want. For you to pay attention and take
>them seriously.
>
>Especially a young white guy, that is the paramount thing. That
>people pay attention and take him seriously.
I see a verbal fight of varying degree nearly every time I ride in a
car with my husband. First he gets in a fight with some other driver
and then I scream at him for being an asshole, and he screams how the
OTHER GUY was the asshole, NOT HIM, and this goes on until I hop out
of the car at 45 miles an hourand roll through the gravel because I'm
too scared to let him kill me while I sit there patiently hoping I'll
make it home alive this time.
HE'S NOT EVEN A DRINKER! Where does such belligerance and bad driving
come from if not from alchohol?
He's a rather mild mannered and patient person but behind the wheel
he's LORD OF THE ROAD and woe to all those who 'cut him off' or
'refuse to let him merge in front of them', or whatever rule of the
road infringement they might DELIBERATELY COMMIT AT HIM.
He claims that men nowadays, being civilized animals and all, have
nowhere to compete against each other. But they NEED to. He says
that's where he competes with other guys...on the road.
This doesn't hold up under scrutiny. Because I've seen him demolition
derby and rage at women, too.
It's terrifying.
I'm thinking that if people continue to drive cars for about another
hundred years, the theories of Darwin will manifest and men who drive
with their dicks will be as extinct as the dodo.
I've seen him yell "Suck my Dick" at those guys. It's a way for guys
to show dominanance by inferring that the other guy is unmanly enough
to play the submissive role. Ridiculous.
~Salacia
Zapanas
It's one of many reasons that I just don't drive any more.
He doesn't seem to get, that while HE is playing "oh I'm just working
out my natural darwinian need to compete" on the freeway, I'M NOT.
I'M trying to get home alive and listen to whatever I have stuck in
the tape deck and not have to worry about the other people on the road
beyond their being large, fast-moving, potentially dangerous hunks of
metal.
Really I always just hated it. When I did drive I would stay in the
right lane, drive like a granny, and usually I would just drive
relatively back roads and on off hours.
And it used to really make me think. Driving like that -would- often
enough add an extra 5 or 10 minutes to whatever I was doing.
And then every once in a while, I would drive on the freeways during
rush hour; watching these people going APE FUCK out there, weaving,
swerving, trying to get a 2-carlength edge during jams, and really
putting themselves and others in danger, putting their, AND MY, lives
on the line.
For the sake of getting home 5 or 10 minutes quicker.
OTOH after the whole thing I just went through with person unnamed
maybe I get an irony award for sounding all peaceful and tolerant.
>This doesn't hold up under scrutiny. Because I've seen him demolition
>derby and rage at women, too.
>
>It's terrifying.
>
>I'm thinking that if people continue to drive cars for about another
>hundred years, the theories of Darwin will manifest and men who drive
>with their dicks will be as extinct as the dodo.
>
>I've seen him yell "Suck my Dick" at those guys. It's a way for guys
>to show dominanance by inferring that the other guy is unmanly enough
>to play the submissive role. Ridiculous.
>
>~Salacia
>
>
>
--
Zapanas
Inernational Satanic Conspiracy
Customer Service Specialist
http://joecosby.com/
Feel free to use the marching chant I wrote for the Alzheimer's Day Parade:
WHAT DO WE WANT?
I DON'T REMEMBER!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
WHEN DO WE WANT WHAT?
- nenslo
Twisted Ant
"nu-monet v7.0" <not...@succeeds.com> wrote in message
news:4128D6...@succeeds.com...
Heeheehaw, now that is a funny story.
T.A.
Rev. Ivan Stang
>
> It's one of many reasons that I just don't drive any more.
>
> He doesn't seem to get, that while HE is playing "oh I'm just working
> out my natural darwinian need to compete" on the freeway, I'M NOT.
>
> I'M trying to get home alive and listen to whatever I have stuck in
> the tape deck and not have to worry about the other people on the road
> beyond their being large, fast-moving, potentially dangerous hunks of
> metal.
>
> Really I always just hated it. When I did drive I would stay in the
> right lane, drive like a granny, and usually I would just drive
> relatively back roads and on off hours.
>
> And it used to really make me think. Driving like that -would- often
> enough add an extra 5 or 10 minutes to whatever I was doing.
>
> And then every once in a while, I would drive on the freeways during
> rush hour; watching these people going APE FUCK out there, weaving,
> swerving, trying to get a 2-carlength edge during jams, and really
> putting themselves and others in danger, putting their, AND MY, lives
> on the line.
>
> For the sake of getting home 5 or 10 minutes quicker.
>
The old "cut off your nuts to prove you're a man" thing.
When some asshole on the road appears to be trying to goad me, or when
I really would like to goad him, I try to think of Michael J. Fox in
the Back to the Future movies and how he got himself all fucked up for
the rest of one of his alternate future lives because he took some
asshole up on a pointless dare... and I IGNORE THEM.
NOTHING makes an asshole angrier than THAT. (This also works on
shit-heads and shit-heels.) He has bellowed and displayed and beat his
chest, and at that point you're expected to either do the same thing or
offer up your anus in a symbolically submissive gesture. But you can
transcend the primate imperative easily enough, if you're in a car.
At times I have NOT been in a car but stuck in an elevator with the
aggressive, angry ape, and in those cases I just displayed back much
louder and crazier, and that worked. As Batman figured out early,
criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot, and if you look
unpredictable enough they won't risk themselves getting hurt. USUALLY.
Worked for me but then I CAN look REALLY crazy especially when in ONE
OF THOSE MOODS.
On the road there's also the 50% chance that the guy DOES have a loaded
handgun under his seat (dick-substitute) and IS drunk (testosterone
substitute) so shooting the finger at strangers is getting to be more a
thing of the past.
I have observed that there is a "breakout phrase" that, when you hear
it uttered, is usually the cue for the other guy to either fight or
flea, and that phrase is this:
"You don't know who you're dealing with."
You hear the phrase in prank call tapes over and over. It's the moment
when the "john" or "mark" goes ballistic and is making the actual
fight-challenge. I have heard it myself. "Oh... I guess you don't know
who I am." (You are a drunk who once was a minor player on some
football team in high school, before you got morbidly obese?)
I understand how it is. Most regular American guys are being
symbolically buttfucked by their boss(es) and The Man, 24-7. They are
in a CONSTANT state of "You Don't Know Who You're Dealing With."
Everywhere they turn, there is a dominant male making them look like
pussies. Clint Eastwood on that movie poster. Joe Generic Stud in that
beer ad. Hot rod driver suddenly passing them noisily. Even William
Hurt or whatever his name is, some dumpy ugly bad singer is more famous
than them. So the put-upon, downtrodden average insecure guy is looking
for any possible chance to assert a little dominance of his own, even
if it's just to cut off some total stranger in traffic, or be rude on
the phone to somebody. Monkey House Rules.
Every ape is being slapped down by a larger ape, and is looking to slap
down a smaller ape. This is just as apparent in this ng as it is on
I-90 at rush hour. And you motherfuckers don't know who you're delaing
with...
--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: je...@subgenius.com
PRABOB
Artemia Salina
> some bad local girls
> trolling for boys, wearing hot pants and billowy
> tops. A couple of same were sitting on one end of
> Pedro's fence, while I sat on the other side.
> And then he blew what must have been a quart or two of
> precious donkey bodily fluid all over those two girls.
Now that's MY kind of Sharia!
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
<st...@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
>
>"You don't know who you're dealing with."
>
>You hear the phrase in prank call tapes over and over. It's the moment
>when the "john" or "mark" goes ballistic and is making the actual
>fight-challenge. I have heard it myself. "Oh... I guess you don't know
>who I am." (You are a drunk who once was a minor player on some
>football team in high school, before you got morbidly obese?)
>
>I understand how it is. Most regular American guys are being
>symbolically buttfucked by their boss(es) and The Man, 24-7. They are
>in a CONSTANT state of "You Don't Know Who You're Dealing With."
>Everywhere they turn, there is a dominant male making them look like
>pussies. Clint Eastwood on that movie poster. Joe Generic Stud in that
>beer ad. Hot rod driver suddenly passing them noisily. Even William
>Hurt or whatever his name is, some dumpy ugly bad singer is more famous
>than them. So the put-upon, downtrodden average insecure guy is looking
>for any possible chance to assert a little dominance of his own, even
>if it's just to cut off some total stranger in traffic, or be rude on
>the phone to somebody. Monkey House Rules.
>
>Every ape is being slapped down by a larger ape, and is looking to slap
>down a smaller ape. This is just as apparent in this ng as it is on
>I-90 at rush hour. And you motherfuckers don't know who you're delaing
>with...
Ben Stiller's character in "Mystery Men" is a hilarious take-off on
that.
That movie bogs down a little in the last reel or so but it has some
side splitting humor in the middle.
--
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
http://joecosby.com/
"At the age of six years I wanted to be a chef. At the age of seven I
wanted to be Napoleon. My ambitions have continued to grow at the
same rate ever since."
- Salvador Dali
Artemia Salina
wrote:
> Ben Stiller's character in "Mystery Men" is a hilarious take-off on
> that.
No it wasn't.
> That movie bogs down a little in the last reel or so but it has some
> side splitting humor in the middle.
No it didn't.
Rev. Ivan Stang
Salina <y...@sheayright.com> wrote:
I don't think you know who you're delaying with.
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
You're making me VERY VERY ANGRY SALINA
No really though? I thought it was dumb through a lot of it but I
thought there were some very funny moments
--
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
http://joecosby.com/
If I had a robot I would rent an apartment and instruct the robot to fill the
entire apartment with bricks. Bricks and mortar. Then when the landlord opened
the door he would think I had my robot brick over the door, but he would be
wrong! The entire apartment would be filled solid with bricks! Hahahahha!
- Zosodada
Artemia Salina
wrote:
> On Mon, 23 Aug 2004 11:37:51 -0400, Artemia Salina
> <y...@sheayright.com> wrote:
>
>>On Mon, 23 Aug 2004 08:11:12 -0700, King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
>>wrote:
>>
>>> Ben Stiller's character in "Mystery Men" is a hilarious take-off on
>>> that.
>>
>>No it wasn't.
>>
>>> That movie bogs down a little in the last reel or so but it has some
>>> side splitting humor in the middle.
>>
>>No it didn't.
>
> You're making me VERY VERY ANGRY SALINA
LET'S SING THE SUIT AND TOMMY SONG!!!
>
> No really though? I thought it was dumb through a lot of it but I
> thought there were some very funny moments
A lot of times when I'm trying to be funny here I wish I could
have a redo after the post has left my fingers. I often feel
that I didn't say something quite right, or quite well enough
for it to be as funny as it was in my head when I thought of it.
Mystery Men, to me, was just a very long procession of those
not-quite-done-well-enough jokes. I imagine that the script
must've been a scream, but something went wrong when they put
it on film. The souffle fell flat in the oven.
Of course, I'm not a big fan of Ben Stiller. His father is the
greatest, but I don't what it is about Ben I don't care for.
I'd love to know what the make and model was of their assault
vehicle, though. Coolest looking machine I've seen in a long
time.
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
<y...@sheayright.com> wrote:
Yeah I watched that again the other night, I hadn't seen it in a long
while. I had just finished reading a bunch of Flaming Carrot comics
and I knew the writer, Bob Burden, is a flaming Subgenius (plus
pee-wee, who I forgot was in it) so I SO WANTED to like it.
But for the most part, I thought it was a magnificent not-quite-was.
Really the Mystery Men comics and the movie bear nearly no resemblance
to each other. To be honest, the Mystery Men in the comics aren't
nearly as funny as the Flaming Carrot, for the most part, they seem to
be at their best when they are acting as a sidekick/foil for the
Carrot.
But Burden's characters are a lot better, they are subtle and tangible
where in the movie they are all broad strokes, and personally I get
sick of "They are a bunch of losers" being the punchline to
everything. I guess I am the sole Nietzschean subgenius clench. I
really like an underlying optimism.
Even so though there were scenes in the middle that made me laugh out
loud. However many times I post "lol" it's actually rare that I
literally laugh out loud, something really has to hit me.
Some of the William H Macy character's lines got me. "God's given me
a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well."
And some of Janeane Garofalo, although I am biased because I would
like to eat her panties. She cracked me up a lot in that movie. Just
some of her body language was brilliant. The scene where the Spleen
(a character I loathed ... fuck me, we can do better than fart jokes)
beers up his courage in the bar and he goes to try his luck with her
and she tells him "there's not enough beer in the world, Spleen". It
wasn't a funny line, but the way she delivered it, and the body
language, were hilarious to me. Or "Maybe you should put some shorts
on or something, if you wanna keep fighting evil today."
Well when a movie is so almost-was but not quite there I look at the
director. Mystery Men was his first and last movie.
>Of course, I'm not a big fan of Ben Stiller. His father is the
>greatest, but I don't what it is about Ben I don't care for.
>
Well Zoolander made me laugh my ass off. I don't know about his other
stuff.
>I'd love to know what the make and model was of their assault
>vehicle, though. Coolest looking machine I've seen in a long
>time.
--
King Fausto of the Sixth Dimension
http://joecosby.com/
mona lisa must have had the highway blues, you can tell by the way she smiles
- bob dylan
polar bear
Salina <y...@sheayright.com> wrote:
snip
>
> A lot of times when I'm trying to be funny here I wish I could
> have a redo after the post has left my fingers. I often feel
> that I didn't say something quite right, or quite well enough
> for it to be as funny as it was in my head when I thought of it.
Try working the straight side for a while. Study the great Vaudeville
comedy acts. They always had a straight man. Work the crowd from
that angle and one day you'll be as famous as Edgar Bergen.
pb
HellPopeHuey
> Try working the straight side for a while. Study the great Vaudeville
> comedy acts. They always had a straight man. Work the crowd from
> that angle and one day you'll be as famous as Edgar Bergen.
Or at least the IQ of Charlie McCarthy. He went on to make a real
splash with those anti-Commie trials, huh? God bless America and
please protect Black Crow's head from termites.
--
HellPope Huey
I tawt I taw a puddy tat.
I'll never eat in that Chinese restaurant again.
The world needs anger.
The world often continues to allow evil
because it isn't angry enough.
- Bede Jarrett
"I gotta warn you: I'm a nudist and I'm friendly."
- "The Drew Carey Show"