The Sermon of Rev. Dr. Bishop Two Beans, CotSG, as heard during the >9000 Anon March in Washington DC 7-19-08
Two Beans
to do other than read posts about events that they were at and saw for
themselves, I present the sermon I gave at the march in its original
text...
------------------
Greetings Anonymii, Old Guard, Goons, B-tards, Mutants, SubGenii,
Discordians, Pastafarians, and Scientology Plants.
I am the Rev. Dr. Bishop Two Beans, Ex-Pope of the East Bay in
absentia, Sir Minister Sinister, unofficial liaison to Anonymous from
the Church of the SubGenius. Praise be onto the SubGenius founder and
leader, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs.
Thank you all for coming down to the big shindig today. We've had a
lot of speakers here that have spoken at length about the nefarious
deeds wrought by the Church of Scientology, now it turn for the
biggest religious rivals of the clams to pipe in and provide their
perspective on the Sons of Elron. There's only one way for me to
properly do this, and that is with a genuine, sanctified, true
SubGenius sermon.
But before we can start, it is customary before a SubGenius sermon is
to begin to perform a little ritual, and I invite you all to join in
on this holy tradition.
So if you could all please bow your heads, and join me for a second of
sacred BobBlammed NOISE NOISE NOISE MAKE SOME NOISE ANONYMOUS *salute*
EYIEYIEYIEYIEYI!!!
Praise "Bob"!
Brothers and sisters, what exactly is the Church of Scientology? Are
they a religion? As a follower of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, I would have to
say yes. They are as much of a true religion as the Church of the
SubGenius is. We SubGenii share much in common with the
Scientologists. We're both devoted worshippers of a fraud and
charlatan. We both have a belief system founded upon a generous
helping of hypocrisy and dubious intentions. We both have an
insatiable thirst for the cash from the nieve and ignorant. We both
imbibe upon questionable activities in the duties of our services, and
we both make really bad music.
But the similarities do not stop there, for the Church of the
SubGenius is also a cult, and thus so is the Church of Scientology.
Scientologists would try to tell you they are not a cult, but let's
take a look at the definition of a cult.
Brothers and sisters, the dictionary definition of a "cult" is a
religious or figure worship that has not attained popular status. A
cult is not a major player in the religious stage compared to the
bigger dogs of the world yard. While the National Name Brand Religions
are featured on Fox News, CNN, and TRL, we cultists are steady reppin'
the underground scene on cable access and public radio...except that
SubGenii have done MTV many times more than the Scientologists.
So why would Scientology want to distance itself from the word "cult".
The public image of cults is that of overzealousness and fanaticism.
People picture a cult as a group having an inquisitional paranoia and
prejudice with a secret security force and a private army.
That's the image Scientology wants to shy away from, even though they
are guilty of the actions that brought about the negative connotation
to the word "cult" in the first place. A scientologist is often the
first to use the word cultist as an insult to my fellow brothers and
sisters in "Bob".
So I say this to you Scientologists, from one cultist to another, do
not belittle us or other cults simply because you are the ones that
sullied the word!
Now you may be asking yourselves why do the SubGenius and
Scientologist cults share so much in common and yet are so opposed to
one another? Could there be a connection between the two groups? The
answer, brothers and sisters, is "YES". Not only do we share a
crossroads, but also a startline. The Church of the SubGenius and the
Church of Scientology began at the same time, as the same
organization. Allow me to share with you the parable of "Bob" and Ron.
"Bob", not long after his immaculation and enlightenment in the early
50's, set about creating his vision for a world dominating religious
sect like no other. He gathered together some of the most brilliant
and vacant minds of his age. World leaders, religious figures,
successful business men, ascended masters, professional clowns, and
other assorted nuts. Together they set about building the basics of
what was to be the first version of the Church of the SubGenius. One
of these collaborators was a starving pulp writer named L. Ron
Hubbard. "Bob" took pity on the young Hubbard and placed him under his
wing, for he hoped that Ron would learn from his teachings....because
he seemed crazy enough to understand them. "Bob" said onto Ron, "They
may be pink, but their money is still green."
Hubbard took this to heart, and eventually climbed his way up the
ladder to be "Bob's" second man and almost equal partner in the grand
religious-business venture. It was then that this proto-SubGenius
church had an ideological split. Where as Hubbard wanted to base the
church on a mythos of bad science fiction, "Bob" was adamant on
founding it on a mythos of bad science fiction...that was at least
funny. Alas this dogmatic schism tore a rift between the business
partnership, "Bob" and Ron parting ways. "Bob" went on to found the
Church of the SubGenius, converting all the mutants and misfits of
society, whereas Ron targeted his recruitment upon the humans and
normals he could con easily.
This brings us to today, and why I am here to support the efforts of
Anonymous. It is not purely because Anonymous is a ripe garden of
souls to harvest for "Bob", it is also that I as a SubGenius cannot
help but feel it is our duty to help clean up a mess that our High
Epopt helped to make. All I ask, brothers and sisters, is that you not
blame "Bob" for his actions, for "Bob" is and forever shall be
incredibly stupid.
Thank you all once again, and may Anonymous find Slack in this, its
good fight.
Praise "Bob", and Praise Anonymous.
-2B
"The LIAR who writes with a POISONED PEN"
Morose, aka Doktor Holocaust
<two.beans...@gmail.com.moo.dot.ook.dot.dot.dot> wrote:
> For those that couldn't attend, or for those that have nothing better
> to do other than read posts about events that they were at and saw for
> themselves, I present the sermon I gave at the march in its original
> text...
i like it! I haven't joined into any of the Anonymous fun because A)
there are no Scienos out where i am and B) I kinda feel sorry for
them, because there, but for the face of "Bob," go I. i was sore
tempted to sign up for their brand of saucer-cult kookery at one point
in my life, and it was the Dobbshead that steered me away from L.
Ron's inferior product.
Amos Happ
thought of the anti-Scientologists as even more laugh-challenged than
their sworn foes.
Two Beans
The Anon's loved it.
t_shuffle
"Two Beans"
<two.be...@gmail.com.moo.dot.ook.dot.dot.dot> wrote in
message news:2va684h6dnmaniiru...@4ax.com
Please tell me this was captured and tubed.
Two Beans
<thorazin...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>Please tell me this was captured and tubed.
>
Captured, yes. Tubed, soon.
Modemac
<two.beans...@gmail.com.moo.dot.ook.dot.dot.dot> wrote:
> On Sun, 20 Jul 2008 19:20:40 -0700, "t_shuffle"
> <thorazineshuf...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >Please tell me this was captured and tubed.
> Captured, yes. Tubed, soon.
Stang is at Starwood this week, so if you want to get this on the Hour
of Slack then be sure to post it to a.b.s. next week, or later.
Rev. Lincoln W. Booth
<two.beans...@gmail.com.moo.dot.ook.dot.dot.dot> wrote:
> On Sun, 20 Jul 2008 10:46:08 -0700 (PDT), Amos Happ
>
> >How did this go over? It's beautifully written, but I've always
> >thought of the anti-Scientologists as even more laugh-challenged than
> >their sworn foes.
>
> The Anon's loved it.
>
> -2B
> "The LIAR who writes with a POISONED PEN"
What exactly is Anonymous?
Modemac
> What exactly is Anonymous?
If you believe anything a SubGenius says, then you can look here:
t_shuffle
"Rev. Lincoln W. Booth" <Ama...@gmail.com> wrote in
message
news:7d771846-5878-442d...@f36g2000hsa.googlegroups.com
Nobody is really sure, but it seems that Anonymous delivers.
outt...@gmail.com
Not exactly sure, but they have challenged Scientology to a dance off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncob8pgKB2c
Two Beans
just john
<two.beans...@gmail.com.moo.dot.ook.dot.dot.dot> wrote:
Is an mp3 of this available anywhere?
Not to dis your visual appearance, which I'm assured is studly and
inspiring, but I wanna check the speech for sonic remixibility.
(And I'm too lazy to manually record the vid's soundtrack.)
Rev Egg Plant
The feedback in the audio from that clip is stunning. All that would
have been required to fix it would have been moving the speakers out 2-3
feet forward from the mic position.