A few years ago, the Bevilacqua family (Rev. Magdalen & Jesus)
literally kept The SubGenius Foundation from folding up and vanishing.
I had been trying to keep the little business together practically on
my own, but it had become a gigantic drain on me personally and
financially. Jesus saw potential in it, though, and convinced me not to
give up -- BY MOVING TO DALLAS TO HELP FULL TIME. (To this day, Jesus
and Magdalen remain the only other SubGeniuses besides myself to
LITERALLY repent, quit their jobs and "slack off" in this manner.) By
1998, when Jesus and Magdalen married, the Foundation income had
tripled, and not only did we have salaries, but we were able to hire
more part time help (Rev. Nickie Deathchick in addition to Will
O'Dobbs).

The existing custody case over Magdalen's son, however, created huge
legal bills that eventually required Jesus to take a higher-paying job
for The Conspiracy. At that point, it was Rev. Magdalen who stepped in
and kept the practical, day-to-day, unglamorous aspects of the little
biz going. She was doing it basically without pay, too.

When Jesus' job suddenly took the whole family to Austin, Texas and
then to Colombus, Georgia, it became obvious that The SubGenius
Foundation's Sacred P.O. Box and mail order biz could not continue to
jump from city to city, so I took over the whole shebang again. Thanks
to the countless ways in which Jesus and Magdalen had streamlined the
business, it's become vastly less time-consuming, taking me maybe an
hour a day.

Were it not for this family, there'd be no SubSITE any more, HOUR OF
SLACK would have ended, I wouldn't be working on a new book and REV-X
reprint, etc. etc.

((NO NENSLETICAL WISECRACKS HERE, PLEASE!!))

TIME FOR PAYBACK

For Magdalen and Jesus, a parent's NEXT-TO-WORST NIGHTMARE is taking
place in real life, and one reason this injustice is happening is due
to, not the Church of the SubGenius, but dumbass misunderstandings of
it (and probably pretty much everything else Slackful). Also, if you
ask me, on a monstrous misunderstanding of what "freedom" in America is
supposed to mean.

I raised two children. I cannot imagine how this must feel. I HAVE had
to TRY to imagine it, but, praise Dobbs, that's all I've had to do. I
speak to Magdalen on the phone fairly often and she's holding up,
amazingly. She's fighting instead of sinking into despair, which,
believe me, would be VERY tempting.

This is our chance as a bunch of weirdos to pay back a family of
weirdos who have, for YEARS, done the DIRTIEST JOB OF THE CHURCH --
being the interface between it and the Con, on a daily basis.

SubGenius Foundation mail order is doing fine this month. We got
several new subscribers to Hour of Slack and a big donation from one of
the best guitar players in the world. I got a new book contract and the
check is in the mail. So DON'T BUY ANY SUBGENIUS SHIT THIS MONTH! Send
your checks or Paypal funds to Magdalen instead, and next time you
download an Hour of Slack or SubVid for free, or browse through the Art
Mines (which I WILL update, I SWEAR!!), consider it bought with a Love
Offering.

That's what this is. A Love Offering. MAGS NEEDS $LACK.

More than that, most important of all, eclipsing any other bullshit I
could possibly say, CONBO* NEEDS HIS MOM.

THE STORY and donations links, info:

http://subgenius.com/updates/maghelp.html

* Think "MarJoe"

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected,   Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)    
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118  (fax 216-320-9528)  
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com        PRABOB

Simply invite the JUDGE and both sets of counsel to X day this year.
Regardless whatever the judge's prejudices (no pun intended), once he sees
what REALLY goes on at X day, as opposed to a couple of potentially shocking
still pictures, he'll understand that except for a relatively small
percentage of attendants, this is no more fearful than the average
Halloween.

[*]
-----

Leave it to a SubGenius to put "IT'S's" main typo in the HEADER.

Hey we used some of your latest CD "The Old Double Melman" as
background music on Hour of Slack the other night, a live one... #1038.
It's on the newsgroups but not on SubSITE yet. In other words I haven't
gotten around to making a text log of it. Fenwicked and Wanjo.

http://blogs.salon.com/0003494/

http://patriotboy.blogspot.com/2006_02_19_patriotboy_archive.html#114...

http://www.johnshirley.net/

I've been getting a lot of email too, as a result of a bulk mailing to
the Official List this morning, although it's mostly from people
saying, "I HAVE NO MONEY NOW BUT I WOULD HELP IF I COULD." I trust
Mag's getting the more to-the-point email.

If I were still running Xday, people would still get hurt terribly instead
of you old pussies having 'safety meetings' in that stupid trailer.  

Well, I got good news and bad news, and they're both the same news...I'm
coming to XDay this year...not that sissy nutless 'Kenny of Suburbia' guy
who traded his .45 and his balls for Ivangelicalism and pats on the head
from chubby Connie-tites, but as LEGUME...only now that my false slack has
been ripped from me, you folks get a bigger, uglier Legume who may well
come to your safety meeting just to let you know NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE.

There will be no Legionaires this time...I am a HOLOCAUST OF ONE.

--

Legume
--------------------------------
"The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for their
fear."
- Heinrich Himmler

""Bob's" Most Dutiful Servants is in Desperate Straits"

I think you meant ..."Servants ARE in Depserate Straits". hey stang,
buddy, if I'm not mistaken, i think a PLURAL SUBJECT takes a PLURAL
VERB. Yeah, I think the fact that a plural noun uses a plural verb is
something most people learn in 3rd or 4th grade. Well, they used to,
before "jewish' bolsheviks took over the NEA and dumbed down our school
system, brought in every black and brown savage on earth into the
schools in the name of "diversity", all in order to follow the dictates
of their hate-book "the talmud", about how they can fuck over
Christians, who are superior to jews, and the jews know it and they
can't stand that they are wrong and forsaken by THE LORD. Oh well.

Wouldn't he be more like a HOLOCAUST OF 111?

[*]
-----

You cannot expect the Elder Gods to sit up, give notice,
whip out their wangers and start fapping away unless
blood is spilled.  It is not the whimpering homily, the
flower dance that excites Crom and his court, but the
clashing of steel and the arrging of ouchy places.

Does not GOD himself demand that His followers be branded
to get a free drink EACH AND EVERY TIME they enter unto
His holy Tucson bar?  Does He not hold a 12-gauge in His
left hand and a chainsaw in His right hand to draw down
on the CONspiracy and the zombie undead and SMITE them?

Do NOT the SubGenii cry out for winning lottery tickets
and yet they are denied this stipend from "Bob" because
of their sinful non-violence?  For is it not said that
only over the stacked dead bodies of the merehumes will
the SubGeniuses climb to wealth and power and shit?

How long it has been since our hierarchs have CLENCHED
the still beating hearts ripped from the chests sliced
open with obsidian knives of 'Fropped out supplicants
who were in turn MADE STRONGER in this ultimate turn of
the LUCK PLANE?

TESTIFY!

Better yet, STFU and HURT somebody.

--
Be Sure To Visit the 'SubGenius Reverend' Blog:
http://slackoff.blogspot.com/
***********
Rev. nu-monet
Founder and High Priest
Church of Kali, U.S.A. (Reformed)

"Bob" is laughing his ass off over this one,
while spliffin' out, "But, what about my feelings, Connie?"

What's the WHOLE story?

Or, write a freakin' book about it to pay the bills.
Everybody else does.

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <st...@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote in message
news:210220061040030146%stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com...

"Bob" is laughing his ass off over this one,
while spliffin' out, "But, what about my feelings, Connie?"

What's the WHOLE story?

Or, write a freakin' book about it to pay the bills.
Everybody else does.

----------------------------------------------------
Everyone? where's yours?   Write a story about your pud and hand. your hands on
experiences, MS faker.  Coagulation and fumigation may get you to hammer town.  Weeeeee
Weeeeee Weeeeeee  all the way home, mr. look at me cross post, I am so cool phlem ball.

Proper spelling is M-i-c-h-a-e-l-A-l-c-a-n-d-o-r

-Rev Carter

--
Legume
--------------------------------
"The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for their
fear."

- Heinrich Himmler

Nenslo, I think it's just PRECIOUS that your job is to kick asses.
Maybe you are smarter than me or have a stronger leg. But my job is to
wipe asses. I haven't wiped that many, but the ones I wiped, I wiped
THOUSANDS of times. Dogs, babies, even parents. Yes, I'm an ass-wiper.
And a shit-shoveller. I shoveled shit in a dog kennel for $2 a week for
8 years. Hell I'm even an anus-expresser. A little shaggy dog I had
once got chronic anus empactment and every couple of days I had to
squeeze the little dog's anus so it wouldn't become stopped up with
shit and explode. *SNIFF* That little dog died while asleep on my foot
in the car. Her name was MUNCHKIN.

I'm also a fart-smeller. I worked as a teacher aid in a KINDERGARTEN.
In a place like that, the little-kid fart-smell NEVER GOES AWAY.

I may yet wipe more asses, since I still have one and a half living
parents, in-laws counting for half. And I'm married to a woman whose
ass I would wipe, if she ever became unable to wipe her own.

I can see how a person might find all this disgusting and a tragic
waste of time, but you'd be fucking AMAZED at how much Slack I have
gotten from WIPING ASSES.

Fucking AMAZED. I still am myself when I think about it. I have very
slightly pressured my son to impregnate that nice girl so that I'll
have more little shiny pink baby asses to wipe.

I am hoping that nobody has to wipe my ass for me, and to that "end"
(EH-HEH!) I have set up a fund for ass amputation surgery when I get
older. You might want to think about it yourself.

On alt.binaries.slack there's a song by Johnny Future about a guy who
pulled his anus out with pliars. TWO songs about that in fact, and one
that just sort of mentions it as an aside.

(You might want to check out the Johnny Future MP3s there. Byron's
latest discovery.)

I know a guy who was a rich jet-setting playboy and felt NO SLACK. Then
he became an ass-wiper of severely retarded teens in the public schools
and REALIZED SLACK. It wasn't because he liked asses or shit, it was
because the severely retarded kids had NOT ONE TEENY TINY VESTIGE OF
PINKNESS in their souls. They were the only honest people.

Of course, it's all relative. One man's shit-besmeared asshole is
another man's fancy dessert. Or so I've HEARD.

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected,   Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)    
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118  (fax 216-320-9528)  
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com        PRABOB

--
* Radio Free Entropy:  http://just-john.com/cn/rfe.shtml *