Ow, my balls
iDRMRSR the Reclined Mastar
a man's balls are attached to his oystar by these littal tiny stringy
things. I think they're like half muscal, and half tube where the gism from
the balls is delivared. Plus, they have pretty sensative NERVES.
These nerves respond to whatevar it is in a girl or othar sex object that
the particular man in questian RILLY GETS OFF ON. And the string pulls
taught slightly, enuff to give you this sensatian that whatevar you are
reacting to MUST BE FUCKED NOW SOMEHOW AT ALL COSTS.
I mean, a guy could look at a picture or pictures of varias cunts of
diffarant sizes and colors, and nothing would happan, but then all of a
suddan, the SMOOTHish one on the red-haired girl who has freckals on her
cunt lips causes the balls to jerk to attentian right then and there. Don't
know what it is, the glistaning of sweat or snatch juice, whatevar. It's
some kind of pre-programmed biologic imperative. No logic behind it, you
see.
Well, tonight on ABC news was the new news trim, Diane Sawyer. Now, she's
ok in a MILF sort of way. I wouldn't kick her out of my pnats, but then
again, I wouldn't roll ovar in bed to fuck her eithar. Just not my cup of
tea sort of lady, like Kirstie Alley or bettar yet Penelope Cruz. She's
prolly somewhere near me in age. No response on the ball twangar string
whatsoevar...until tonight.
http://abcnews.go.com/WN/DianeSawyer/
She's got BAD LARYNGITIS. It's giving her this husky, breathy, raspy, deep
voice qualaty that she nevar had befoar. And on tonight's newscast, evary
time she opaned her yap, I could feel my balls twanging on their littal
elastic spooge tentacals. THE VOICE was programmed to set my fuckomatar
pinned to the highest reading.
Just that raspy kind of Suzanne Pleshette voice is all it took to bounce my
balls for the whole half hour of the newscast. I nearly had to turn the
thing off to anothar channal, as my ID was telling me I probably should
considar TOUCHING MYSELF right then and there. IN THE MIDDAL OF A NEWSCAST.
Somehow, I resisted, but now my balls are just a littal SORE from being
jiggaled in their nest for a half hour. The last time I had such a strong
reactian was some movie where for the first time I saw Penelope Cruz bend
ovar in a tight skirt.
I'm pretty happy with what the creator put in my shorts. I pretty much
agree with being a male and all that goes with it. Still, things like this
surprise me.
See what we men must endure.
[*]
-----
High Mistress Inquisitor Pisces
wrote:
I think its effin hilarious. Instead of being ridiculed for bleeding
thru your pants in school, you got a stiffy completely random when the
leatheryfaced substitute teacher dropped the chalk.
Toilet Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Spencer Spindrift
Sgt. Meathead's Lonely Heart's Club Band.
Capt. Beefheart
--
credit any humour you may find to Zoogzs Rift [real name ex leader of
The Shitheads]. Zoogz thought Mat Groening "sold out". I disagree;
it's more subversive to be on primetime than to work on obscure
underground comix, quantitatively speaking.
Note the clever slate.
John Cook
> Zoogzs Rift
You know this dude?
He used to post here years ago...
--
John Cook
Reality is not Democratic
Popess Pantiara Evokovitch
I'd rather have an inappropriate erection than bleed through my pants
any day.
My friend wanted to know what it was like being a girl, I said, "Every
month for a few days you get moody and cranky and feel like you have
the stomach flu while you bleed out of your vagina. This happens every
month for about 35-40 years, excluding if you have a baby."
Toilet Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
wrote:
I have no fucking clue what you're talking about.
phy
news:GLqdnRpktN_dRd7W...@giganews.com:
>
>
"Ow, my balls" is a show from the future. In the past I watched a movie
where some guy from 500 years from now will be watching it. I am not sure
if I have my tenses correct in the previous sentence.
-phy
phy
news:795112ba-398b-4bf4...@a32g2000yqm.googlegroups.com:
> On Jan 5, 7:28�pm, High Mistress Inquisitor Pisces
> <kvanh...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Jan 5, 7:24�pm, "iDRMRSR the Reclined Mastar"
>> <idrm...@myspace.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>
>> > Let me explain this, especially for those who might carry vaginas.
>> > �Y
>> > �Sh
That sounds like a good excuse to stay pregnant. Or to get old.
-phy
Rev. Richard Skull
You must have gone crazy over Steavie Nicks
Douche Bagelow
wrote:
> I'd rather have an inappropriate erection than bleed through my pants
> any day.
There is no such thing as an "inappropriate erection".
Fwap Cowcatcher
wrote:
Extra set of parachronic tenses? No problem. You've got your
past and present, and we recently slapped this shoddy,
unworkable "future" construction on anyway, adding just a
bit more certainly can't bring the whole edifice tumbling
down.
Let's be a bit more thorough on this one, though - just
slipping in a bunch of directional metaphors and leaving it
there isn't "going to do" (hah!) the trick for the purpose
of proper 'pataphysical discourse.
So, in the past, we watched, now in the present we watch (or
he watches), later we "will" (have the will to) watch, but
when we refer to an act at a contrafactual future point in
time*, we say that we "watcheg" (or he watchegs). Of course,
if we watcheged in the past, we would have to have
watchegged.
Sample discourse:
-Let's watchegg Mr. Sarkozy having his scrotum superglued to
a wolverine's neck.
-Okay. Do you think I bringegs the popcorn?
Or
-I watched a movie where some guy 500 years from now
watchegs "Ow my balls".
...
* as opposed to doing it at a factual, certain point in
time, an activity which only an omniscientoid or a
megalomaniacal idiot would ever really need to refer to -
after all, no future events are yet facts, thus all future
events are hypothetical and therefore contrafactual. Stating
that you are "walking in the direction of" an event or
"wills/wants" an event to happen is mere wishful thinking,
and certainly won't conjure up the necessary certainty and
determination required to go trough with things. Basically
just the obfuscating corporatese babble of the early middle
ages, which got badly out of hand to the point where people
no longer hear what nonsense is coming out of their mouth.
John Cook
OMG Sense! in alt.slack!