Christmas Dinner at the Apple store
iDRMRSR
the paper that they were open on Xmas day, and were serving a complete
turkey dinner with all the trimmings, prepared with the new iCook device
they were planning on launching in 2007. How could I resist.
I went into the store and they had moved all the computers to the side and
put in a completely white banquet table with about 50 white chairs
surrounding it. I took my place and paid the $249 dinner fee, which I
thought was excessive, but they promised to take ALL the hassle out of
dining for me, so I figured, what the hey.
On the plate in front of my there was the iCook device. It had three things
that looked like electrocardiogram electrodes, shiny chrome bullets on the
end of a very thin white wire connected to the cigarette sized iCook itself.
One wire was about five feet in length.
The "chef" came in, and told us all to insert the outer two electrodes on
our tongues, and to swallow the one with the longest cord. I thought that
might make me gag, but it's coated with an anesthetic so you can get it down
really easy. I swallowed mine with absolutely no problem.
Then this freakish bird like thing was taken out of its cage and fastened to
the table with bungee cords. The bird was an albino. The "Chef" then
attached some probes to the bird, connecting it with a small mini box which,
we were told, was the server for our iCooks.
The bird then extended a proboscis with several attachments on it like a
dentist's drill. The first one was a feather remover. It buzzed all over
the bird and cleaned off all the feathers, which were sucked up into a
ceiling vacuum. Another attachment neatly severed the bird's neck. No
blood came out!
One more attachment gutted the iTurkey, and the all white entrails were
swiftly removed with another vacuum wand skillfully wielded by the "Chef".
The "Chef" then proceeded to stuff the iTurkey with white stuffing.
A thirty-six laser light then shone on the iTurkey from above. In about
thirty seconds, the skin was crispy and the smell of turkey filled the room.
No need to wait hours for cooking!
The probes on my tongue then started emitting the most heavenly "turkey and
stuffing" taste. Nothing was in my mouth, yet it seemed as if I could chew
and swallow every virtual morsel. As I and the other diners slurped at the
electrodes, the iTurkey in the center shrank in size until it eventually
disappeared completely.
The probe down in my stomach had expanded in size dramatically. I had to
loosen my belt. The taste generated by the iCook device sated me
completely, and my gut felt as if it was a-busting. I then became very
drowsy because the tongue probes had begun to simulate alpha waves inside my
skull. I felt just as if I had eaten the biggest holiday dinner, and the
best, in my whole life!
I must have dozed off about two hours. The other diners and I seemed to
arouse at about the same time, all as directed by our iCooks. Indeed, for
the money, this was probably the best dining experience I had ever had.
Noting that we all had arisen from our postprandial naps, the Chef told us,
that was the end of the meal.
Unless some of us wanted to stay to experience the other new product being
launched, the iToilet.
[*]
-----
Rontus Mekora
"iDRMRSR" <idr...@sssssubgenius.com> wrote in message
news:6YmdnXoWqcpZWxPY...@giganews.com...
You laugh me good
Rich Clark, aka Left Rev Egg Plant, ULC, CotSG
Thanks, Santa iDrMrSr!! This made me want to pee!
MissB...@aol.com
It's good to be aroused at the same time. That was the cause of my
last divorce.
> the money, this was probably the best dining experience I had ever had.
>
> Noting that we all had arisen from our postprandial naps, the Chef told us,
> that was the end of the meal.
>
> Unless some of us wanted to stay to experience the other new product being
> launched, the iToilet.
>
> [*]
> -----
You tell a great story! I'm sitting here in my nice, quiet office,
after having sent the kids off to their dad's and I was feeling a bit
peckish, but after your story, I couldn't eat another bite....I could
REALLY taste the turkey! Think I'll go watch some porn now...the sound
of my dog upstairs, banging against the wall, while he's defiling my
daughter's "fur-real friend" is getting me hot, in a sort of weird,
creepy way. On second thought, I think I should just go watch the
Polar Express again for the 15th time this week.
--
Miss Binky
http://MissBinky.com
just john
told the world:
> iDRMRSR wrote:
>> There's an Apple store near me. This I knew long ago, but I saw an add in
>
> Thanks, Santa iDrMrSr!! This made me want to pee!
It's a miracle! A miracle, I tells ya!
--
* Radio Free Entropy: http://just-john.com/cn/rfe.shtml *