Irish Blasphemy: Now with quotes from SubGenius saints!
Dok Holocaust
recently published a list of 25 blasphemous quotes in protest to the
new anti-blaspehy laws, It includes subgenius saints like Frank Zappa
and George Carlin, but also quotes from several Popes and the Bible
that these censorious types are so fond of. I hunted down a link to
those quotes: http://blasphemy.ie/2010/01/01/atheist-ireland-publishes-25-blasphemous-quotes/
and here are the quotes, that they might be preserved on Usenet should
that site go down.
1. Jesus Christ, when asked if he was the son of God, in Matthew
26:64: “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall
ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming
in the clouds of heaven.” According to the Christian Bible, the Jewish
chief priests and elders and council deemed this statement by Jesus to
be blasphemous, and they sentenced Jesus to death for saying it.
2. Jesus Christ, talking to Jews about their God, in John 8:44: “Ye
are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do.
He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth,
because there is no truth in him.” This is one of several chapters in
the Christian Bible that can give a scriptural foundation to Christian
anti-Semitism. The first part of John 8, the story of “whoever is
without sin cast the first stone”, was not in the original version,
but was added centuries later. The original John 8 is a debate between
Jesus and some Jews. In brief, Jesus calls the Jews who disbelieve him
sons of the Devil, the Jews try to stone him, and Jesus runs away and
hides.
3. Muhammad, quoted in Hadith of Bukhari, Vol 1 Book 8 Hadith 427:
“May Allah curse the Jews and Christians for they built the places of
worship at the graves of their prophets.” This quote is attributed to
Muhammad on his death-bed as a warning to Muslims not to copy this
practice of the Jews and Christians. It is one of several passages in
the Koran and in Hadith that can give a scriptural foundation to
Islamic anti-Semitism, including the assertion in Sura 5:60 that Allah
cursed Jews and turned some of them into apes and swine.
4. Mark Twain, describing the Christian Bible in Letters from the
Earth, 1909: “Also it has another name - The Word of God. For the
Christian thinks every word of it was dictated by God. It is full of
interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some
blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of
obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies… But you notice that when
the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war,
there is no limit. He is totally without mercy - he, who is called the
Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the
beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the
girls, except those that have not been deflowered. He makes no
distinction between innocent and guilty… What the insane Father
required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished
it.” Twain’s book was published posthumously in 1939. His daughter,
Clara Clemens, at first objected to it being published, but later
changed her mind in 1960 when she believed that public opinion had
grown more tolerant of the expression of such ideas. That was half a
century before Fianna Fail and the Green Party imposed a new blasphemy
law on the people of Ireland.
5. Tom Lehrer, The Vatican Rag, 1963: “Get in line in that
processional, step into that small confessional. There, the guy who’s
got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playing
it safer, drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight,
time to transubstantiate!”
6. Randy Newman, God’s Song, 1972: “And the Lord said: I burn down
your cities - how blind you must be. I take from you your children,
and you say how blessed are we. You all must be crazy to put your
faith in me. That’s why I love mankind.”
7. James Kirkup, The Love That Dares to Speak its Name, 1976: “While
they prepared the tomb I kept guard over him. His mother and the
Magdalen had gone to fetch clean linen to shroud his nakedness. I was
alone with him… I laid my lips around the tip of that great cock, the
instrument of our salvation, our eternal joy. The shaft, still
throbbed, anointed with death’s final ejaculation.” This extract is
from a poem that led to the last successful blasphemy prosecution in
Britain, when Denis Lemon was given a suspended prison sentence after
he published it in the now-defunct magazine Gay News. In 2002, a
public reading of the poem, on the steps of St. Martin-in-the-Fields
church in Trafalgar Square, failed to lead to any prosecution. In
2008, the British Parliament abolished the common law offences of
blasphemy and blasphemous libel.
8. Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, in Monty Python’s Life of
Brian, 1979: “Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife
was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.”
9. Rev Ian Paisley MEP to the Pope in the European Parliament, 1988:
“I denounce you as the Antichrist.” Paisley’s website describes the
Antichrist as being “a liar, the true son of the father of lies, the
original liar from the beginning… he will imitate Christ, a diabolical
imitation, Satan transformed into an angel of light, which will
deceive the world.”
10. Conor Cruise O’Brien, 1989: “In the last century the Arab thinker
Jamal al-Afghani wrote: ‘Every Muslim is sick and his only remedy is
in the Koran.’ Unfortunately the sickness gets worse the more the
remedy is taken.”
11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive
situation and have people love you, fine - but to hang all this
desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book,
who knows if you’ve been bad or good - and cares about any of it - to
hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain
working.”
12. Salman Rushdie, 1990: “The idea of the sacred is quite simply one
of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to
turn other ideas - uncertainty, progress, change - into crimes.” In
1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa ordering Muslims to
kill Rushdie because of blasphemous passages in Rushdie’s novel The
Satanic Verses.
13. Bjork, 1995: “I do not believe in religion, but if I had to choose
one it would be Buddhism. It seems more livable, closer to men… I’ve
been reading about reincarnation, and the Buddhists say we come back
as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals
aren’t lesser beings, they’re just like us. So I say fuck the
Buddhists.”
14. Amanda Donohoe on her role in the Ken Russell movie Lair of the
White Worm, 1995: “Spitting on Christ was a great deal of fun. I can’t
embrace a male god who has persecuted female sexuality throughout the
ages, and that persecution still goes on today all over the world.”
15. George Carlin, 1999: “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit
story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced
people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches
everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if
you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire
and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you
to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and
ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He
needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect,
all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion
takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need
a little more. Now, talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!”
16. Paul Woodfull as Ding Dong Denny O’Reilly, The Ballad of Jaysus
Christ, 2000: “He said me ma’s a virgin and sure no one disagreed,
Cause they knew a lad who walks on water’s handy with his feet… Jaysus
oh Jaysus, as cool as bleedin’ ice, With all the scrubbers in Israel
he could not be enticed, Jaysus oh Jaysus, it’s funny you never rode,
Cause it’s you I do be shoutin’ for each time I shoot me load.”
17. Jesus Christ, in Jerry Springer The Opera, 2003: “Actually, I’m a
bit gay.” In 2005, the Christian Institute tried to bring a
prosecution against the BBC for screening Jerry Springer the Opera,
but the UK courts refused to issue a summons.
18. Tim Minchin, Ten-foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins, 2005: “So
you’re gonna live in paradise, With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred
virgins, So you’re gonna sacrifice your life, For a shot at the
greener grass, And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of
judgment, He’s gonna kick my heathen ass.”
19. Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion, 2006: “The God of the Old
Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction:
jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a
vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic,
racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential,
megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” In
2007 Turkish publisher Erol Karaaslan was charged with the crime of
insulting believers for publishing a Turkish translation of The God
Delusion. He was acquitted in 2008, but another charge was brought in
2009. Karaaslan told the court that “it is a right to criticise
religions and beliefs as part of the freedom of thought and
expression.”
20. Pope Benedict XVI quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, 2006:
“Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will
find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by
the sword the faith he preached.” This statement has already led to
both outrage and condemnation of the outrage. The Organisation of the
Islamic Conference, the world’s largest Muslim body, said it was a
“character assassination of the prophet Muhammad”. The Malaysian Prime
Minister said that “the Pope must not take lightly the spread of
outrage that has been created.” Pakistan’s foreign Ministry
spokesperson said that “anyone who describes Islam as a religion as
intolerant encourages violence”. The European Commission said that
“reactions which are disproportionate and which are tantamount to
rejecting freedom of speech are unacceptable.”
21. Christopher Hitchens in God is not Great, 2007: “There is some
question as to whether Islam is a separate religion at all… Islam when
examined is not much more than a rather obvious and ill-arranged set
of plagiarisms, helping itself from earlier books and traditions as
occasion appeared to require… It makes immense claims for itself,
invokes prostrate submission or ‘surrender’ as a maxim to its
adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into
the bargain. There is nothing-absolutely nothing-in its teachings that
can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption.”
22. PZ Myers, on the Roman Catholic communion host, 2008: “You would
not believe how many people are writing to me, insisting that these
horrible little crackers (they look like flattened bits of styrofoam)
are literally pieces of their god, and that this omnipotent being who
created the universe can actually be seriously harmed by some third-
rate liberal intellectual at a third-rate university… However,
inspired by an old woodcut of Jews stabbing the host, I thought of a
simple, quick thing to do: I pierced it with a rusty nail (I hope
Jesus’s tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in
the trash, followed by the classic, decorative items of trash cans
everywhere, old coffeegrounds and a banana peel.”
23. Ian O’Doherty, 2009: “(If defamation of religion was illegal) it
would be a crime for me to say that the notion of transubstantiation
is so ridiculous that even a small child should be able to see the
insanity and utter physical impossibility of a piece of bread and some
wine somehow taking on corporeal form. It would be a crime for me to
say that Islam is a backward desert superstition that has no place in
modern, enlightened Europe and it would be a crime to point out that
Jewish settlers in Israel who believe they have a God given right to
take the land are, frankly, mad. All the above assertions will, no
doubt, offend someone or other.”
24. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, 2009: “Whether a person is
atheist or any other, there is in fact in my view something not
totally human if they leave out the transcendent… we call it God… I
think that if you leave that out you are not fully human.” Because
atheism is not a religion, the Irish blasphemy law does not protect
atheists from abusive and insulting statements about their fundamental
beliefs. While atheists are not seeking such protection, we include
the statement here to point out that it is discriminatory that this
law does not hold all citizens equal.
25. Dermot Ahern, Irish Minister for Justice, introducing his
blasphemy law at an Oireachtas Justice Committee meeting, 2009, and
referring to comments made about him personally: “They are
blasphemous.” Deputy Pat Rabbitte replied: “Given the Minister’s self-
image, it could very well be that we are blaspheming,” and Minister
Ahern replied: “Deputy Rabbitte says that I am close to the baby
Jesus, I am so pure.” So here we have an Irish Justice Minister joking
about himself being blasphemed, at a parliamentary Justice Committee
discussing his own blasphemy law, that could make his own jokes
illegal.
Finally, as a bonus, Micheal Martin, Irish Minister for Foreign
Affairs, opposing attempts by Islamic States to make defamation of
religion a crime at UN level, 2009: “We believe that the concept of
defamation of religion is not consistent with the promotion and
protection of human rights. It can be used to justify arbitrary
limitations on, or the denial of, freedom of expression. Indeed,
Ireland considers that freedom of expression is a key and inherent
element in the manifestation of freedom of thought and conscience and
as such is complementary to freedom of religion or belief.” Just
months after Minister Martin made this comment, his colleague Dermot
Ahern introduced Ireland’s new blasphemy law.
Tater Gumfries
> Ireland’s new blasphemy law.
Blasphemy is suggestin that God needs protection by human laws.
Tater
Rev. Exo-Skeletal ScalPlan
> 11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive
> situation and have people love you, fine - but to hang all this
> desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book,
> who knows if you’ve been bad or good - and cares about any of it - to
> hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain
> working.”
In fact, it is blasphematory to NOT worship aerial surveillance
cameras. After all, they watch over us FOR OUR OWN GOOD, because the
CCTV loves us!!! It all hangs on our inner chimps' morality notions.
nikolai kingsley
> and here are the quotes, that they might be preserved on Usenet should
> that site go down.
been reading this, and i'm still looking for something i disagree with.
fuck the Buddhists!
lol, couldn't remember how to spell "Buddhists" so i asked thunderbird's
spellchecker and it suggested "Talmudists".
Tater Gumfries
Tater's read about Buddhists believin in reincarnation, and he don't
know that's true. Don't none of the Buddhists in the holler believe
that nonsense. Wonder which ones do.
Tater
nikolai kingsley
>> lol, couldn't remember how to spell "Buddhists" so i asked thunderbird's
>> spellchecker and it suggested "Talmudists".
>
> Tater's read about Buddhists believin in reincarnation, and he don't
> know that's true. Don't none of the Buddhists in the holler believe
> that nonsense. Wonder which ones do.
i'd like to think reincarnation only happens if you believe in it. just
as, right now, there are vikings from the tenth century whooping it up,
still, in Valhalla. there are former christians burning in hell and a
metric fuckton of them in the waiting room to get into heaven.
me, i got a saucer ticket.
Rev.Dr. LoBotomy
> there are former christians burning in hell and a metric fuckton of them
> in the waiting room to get into heaven.
With God's sense of humor the waiting room probably *is* hell.
Rev. Richard Skull
Well, I wonder what Nenslo & Legume would be reincarnated as?