(this is really surreal) Frog Funky Enjoys...
SuperTed
Frog Funky enjoys a relaxing afternoon subathing in the garden with his
bithces.
Frog Funky enjoys a gentle spot of gardening, naked, with his favourate
gold-plated crosses dangling from his pierced nipples.
Frog Funky enjoys his daily ritual of kneeling in front of his Tony Blair
poster and chanting "You are our mother, you are our father, you are the
life-giving force of the universe we love."
Frog Funky enjoys spying on Charles Kennedy sunbathing.
Frog Funky enjoys walking round the studios of his animal porn company and
watching his in-house video engineers cutting together footage of horses
mounting each other whilst being whipped by dancing witches. He does this
naked (just as his company rules state that all employees must work naked
too), mumbling erotic nonsense and occasionally slipping in the words "Robin
Cook's Beard".
Frog Funky enjoys late night sky TV shows about people who eat bricks.
Frog Funky enjoys his new stint as a street artist in Milton Keynes city
centre, where the object is to challenge the rules of reality and people's
perception of it, by shouting at passing shoppers such lines as "You
violated me and I want my pet church back in 3 pieces already or I'll blow
up your house which is floating in the sky with my ex tree surgeon!" and
"You're my wife now Dave!!!!!!!" Sometimes he is joined by a Margaret
Thatcher lookalike dressed as a giraffe, and he rides her shouting "I've
been to the shops already, I'm not going again do you hear me!!!!!"
Frog Funky enjoys such Satanic pleasures as:
- Singing religious hymns, but with all the "god" words replaced with "Our
evil giant goldfish"
- Bathing in rabbit vomit.
- Keeping his own sweat in bottles in the fridge.
- Offering this as drinks to visitors, filming them while they drink it.
- Watching the video tape later that night, dressed as a horse.
- Paying Cavey 1 pound a time to video him watching the video.
- Tying Cavey to a chair.
- Forcing him to watch the resulting video backwards, with the sound of
humping kangaroos recorded over the top.
- Spending a year building a padded room the size of a football pitch.
- Putting Cavey inside this room with 9 other people.
- Videoing them as they have to perform various Satanic Tasks (see Froggy's
Satanic Tasks For Padded Room, below, for details)
- Spitting custard into Cavey's face
- Dancing on his roof naked
- Rubbing his genitals against a marmite-covered wax model of Cliff
Richards.
Froggy's Satanic Tasks For Padded Room:
- All the contestants must, at the same time, recite the Lord's Payer
backwards with "lord" replaced by "humungus red throbbing love drill". If
anyone makes a mistake, they must spend a whole hour in the canoe, which is
located in the Dark Room which has no sound. If the group as a whole makes
more than 5 mistakes, they lose 50% of their Chilli Con Carni budget for the
next week.
- At any time of the day or night, Froggy will play sounds of animals
copulating. Each contestant has their own choice of animal, and when their
animal noises appear, they have to climb out the window (with a partner) and
onto the roof within 5 seconds. Running into a chair and hurting your knee
means you spend 20 minutes in the canoe, this time with the sound of your
chosen animal played backwards mixed with a recording of Margaret Thatcher
speaking in parliament in 1989. If anyone falls off the roof during this,
the whole group automatically fail the task, therefore forefeiting 90% of
their Candyfloss budget for the next week.
- The group spend an hour being asked intense questions about 80's British
politics. If anyone mentions Margaret Thatcher, they have to spend a whole
day in the canoe, this time with fast flashing lights and non-stop projected
images of dancing monkeys on speed. If the group as a whole mentions Mrs
Thatcher more than 5 times, the whole group fails the task, therefore being
given nothing but manky carrots to eat for the next week.
- If at any time of the day or night a song about canoes is played, the
whole group has five seconds to climb onto the roof and jump off, or else
they get evicted.
--
:o)
xxxEDxxx
Clarence Julian 'Frog' Funky - Internet Celebrity Extraordinaire
show! I am your host - Frog Funky - and I would like to present to you
none other than the legendary "SuperTed" <ed_cat_98ATyahooDOTcom>!
>Frog Funky enjoys eating fingernail soup.
>
When I'm feeling lazy I just throw the whole hand in.
>Frog Funky enjoys a relaxing afternoon subathing in the garden with his
>bithces.
>
Well I can't afford a deckchair so I need something to rest on!
>Frog Funky enjoys a gentle spot of gardening, naked, with his favourate
>gold-plated crosses dangling from his pierced nipples.
>
I try to and plant my manhood into the soil to see if it will grow any
more.
>Frog Funky enjoys his daily ritual of kneeling in front of his Tony Blair
>poster and chanting "You are our mother, you are our father, you are the
>life-giving force of the universe we love."
>
"Oh holder of the cheesy grin, to you be the National Insurance, to
you be the taxes and to you be the NHS waiting lists".
>Frog Funky enjoys spying on Charles Kennedy sunbathing.
>
He is really having a terrible identity crisis. When he spots me
spying on him he approaches me and asks "I saw myself on the news
today. Can you tell me who the hell I am?". Not even he has heard of
himself.
>Frog Funky enjoys walking round the studios of his animal porn company and
>watching his in-house video engineers cutting together footage of horses
>mounting each other whilst being whipped by dancing witches. He does this
>naked (just as his company rules state that all employees must work naked
>too), mumbling erotic nonsense and occasionally slipping in the words "Robin
>Cook's Beard".
>
I've even applied to be his "secretary"!
>Frog Funky enjoys late night sky TV shows about people who eat bricks.
>
I get to watch five minutes until it asks me for my viewing card.
>Frog Funky enjoys his new stint as a street artist in Milton Keynes city
>centre, where the object is to challenge the rules of reality and people's
>perception of it, by shouting at passing shoppers such lines as "You
>violated me and I want my pet church back in 3 pieces already or I'll blow
>up your house which is floating in the sky with my ex tree surgeon!" and
>"You're my wife now Dave!!!!!!!" Sometimes he is joined by a Margaret
>Thatcher lookalike dressed as a giraffe, and he rides her shouting "I've
>been to the shops already, I'm not going again do you hear me!!!!!"
>
This axe lodged into the back of my skull is my form of artistic
expression and has nothing to do with the time I asked a bunch of
Millwall supporters if they liked my West Ham shirt.
>Frog Funky enjoys such Satanic pleasures as:
>- Singing religious hymns, but with all the "god" words replaced with "Our
>evil giant goldfish"
SADDAM IS MY GOLDFISH!
>- Bathing in rabbit vomit.
That wasn't rabbit vomit...... THAT WAS MY WIFE!
>- Keeping his own sweat in bottles in the fridge.
That wasn't sweat....... THAT WAS MY WIFE!
>- Offering this as drinks to visitors, filming them while they drink it.
It's a bit difficult squeezing my wife out of a bottle.
>- Watching the video tape later that night, dressed as a horse.
I'm a whore and I'm a horse. I'm a WHORSE!
>- Paying Cavey 1 pound a time to video him watching the video.
I don't use videos. I call upon the powers to project whatever it is I
want to watch on a wall that has been shaped especially to fool you
that it is really a television.
>- Tying Cavey to a chair.
No I didn't tie CAVEY to the chair, I tied the CHAIR to Cavey.
>- Forcing him to watch the resulting video backwards, with the sound of
>humping kangaroos recorded over the top.
If you watch for long enough you see the kangaroos devolving. It's
really exciting!
>- Spending a year building a padded room the size of a football pitch.
I manage the team that plays in there. I use a 2-3-9-2-75-32-1.2222
formation.
>- Putting Cavey inside this room with 9 other people.
I made Cavey the wicket keeper.
>- Videoing them as they have to perform various Satanic Tasks (see Froggy's
>Satanic Tasks For Padded Room, below, for details)
Such as playing for Man Utd.
>- Spitting custard into Cavey's face
When he tells me he can't find the wickets.
>- Dancing on his roof naked
That's because I don't want to get my clothes dirty.
>- Rubbing his genitals against a marmite-covered wax model of Cliff
>Richards.
>
Who is Cliff Richard?
>Froggy's Satanic Tasks For Padded Room:
>- All the contestants must, at the same time, recite the Lord's Payer
>backwards with "lord" replaced by "humungus red throbbing love drill".
LOL!
> If anyone makes a mistake, they must spend a whole hour in the canoe, which is
>located in the Dark Room which has no sound. If the group as a whole makes
>more than 5 mistakes, they lose 50% of their Chilli Con Carni budget for the
>next week.
If they don't make sacrifices to the Great Silly Something then they
have to be nailed to a crucifix for eight months (excluding bank
holidays).
>- At any time of the day or night, Froggy will play sounds of animals
>copulating. Each contestant has their own choice of animal, and when their
>animal noises appear, they have to climb out the window (with a partner) and
>onto the roof within 5 seconds. Running into a chair and hurting your knee
>means you spend 20 minutes in the canoe, this time with the sound of your
>chosen animal played backwards mixed with a recording of Margaret Thatcher
>speaking in parliament in 1989. If anyone falls off the roof during this,
>the whole group automatically fail the task, therefore forefeiting 90% of
>their Candyfloss budget for the next week.
Anyone failing to identify Maggie's dentures gets to spend nine weeks
as leader of the Conservative party.
>- The group spend an hour being asked intense questions about 80's British
>politics. If anyone mentions Margaret Thatcher, they have to spend a whole
>day in the canoe, this time with fast flashing lights and non-stop projected
>images of dancing monkeys on speed. If the group as a whole mentions Mrs
>Thatcher more than 5 times, the whole group fails the task, therefore being
>given nothing but manky carrots to eat for the next week.
>- If at any time of the day or night a song about canoes is played, the
>whole group has five seconds to climb onto the roof and jump off, or else
>they get evicted.
If they're not scraped off the floor within 8 hours, Anne Widdecombe
enters the kitchen wearing an impressive chicken costume.
---------------------
Clarence Julian "Frog" Funky - Internet Celebrity Extraordinaire
SuperTed
news:9v45jt4nm1uagbjtk...@4ax.com...
> >Frog Funky enjoys spying on Charles Kennedy sunbathing.
>
> He is really having a terrible identity crisis. When he spots me
> spying on him he approaches me and asks "I saw myself on the news
> today. Can you tell me who the hell I am?". Not even he has heard of
> himself.
LOL!
> >Frog Funky enjoys walking round the studios of his animal porn company
and
> >watching his in-house video engineers cutting together footage of horses
> >mounting each other whilst being whipped by dancing witches. He does this
> >naked (just as his company rules state that all employees must work naked
> >too), mumbling erotic nonsense and occasionally slipping in the words
"Robin
> >Cook's Beard".
> >
>
> I've even applied to be his "secretary"!
Does the job description say you have to wear a short skirt and lipstick?
> >- Tying Cavey to a chair.
>
> No I didn't tie CAVEY to the chair, I tied the CHAIR to Cavey.
Hence why it was on top of him and he was crying.
> >- Forcing him to watch the resulting video backwards, with the sound of
> >humping kangaroos recorded over the top.
>
> If you watch for long enough you see the kangaroos devolving. It's
> really exciting!
Is that a canoe in your pocket or are the kagaroos devolving?
> >- Dancing on his roof naked
>
> That's because I don't want to get my clothes dirty.
Because people throw mud at you for being naked. Not that's what you call
irony.
> >- Rubbing his genitals against a marmite-covered wax model of Cliff
> >Richards.
> >
>
> Who is Cliff Richard?
Your dad.
> >- The group spend an hour being asked intense questions about 80's
British
> >politics. If anyone mentions Margaret Thatcher, they have to spend a
whole
> >day in the canoe, this time with fast flashing lights and non-stop
projected
> >images of dancing monkeys on speed. If the group as a whole mentions Mrs
> >Thatcher more than 5 times, the whole group fails the task, therefore
being
> >given nothing but manky carrots to eat for the next week.
> >- If at any time of the day or night a song about canoes is played, the
> >whole group has five seconds to climb onto the roof and jump off, or else
> >they get evicted.
>
> If they're not scraped off the floor within 8 hours, Anne Widdecombe
> enters the kitchen wearing an impressive chicken costume.
And mounts a horse.
--
:o)
xxxEDxxx