THE OFFICIAL A.S.T.H.U.G. FAQ SHEET ** REPOST!!!
Reuben King
to repost this fabled FAQ document in hopes that you all will SHUT THE
HELL UP, GEEK! and LEAVE ME ALONE so I can contemplate the blessed
silence.
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THE ABSOLUTE SUPREME OFFICIAL ALT.SHUT.THE.HELL.UP.GEEK FAQ SHEET !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(Rev 5/95)
Beware of imposters and so called wanna-be "asthug FAQ" sheets. hah! I
laugh at them! I spit in their eye!!
Stop this plague of lies and untruth!!! ONLY FOLLOW THE TEACHINGS THAT I
AM ABOUT SET FORTH!
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Definitions:
Geek : (g'eek) n. One of several species of lower life forms which inhabit
the Internet. Also refered to as morons, leeches, newbies, and dorks.
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Frequently Asked Questions:
1.
Q: What is the point to this newsgroup?
A: To SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
2.
Q: I beg your pardon?
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
3.
Q: But I'm only trying to...
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
4.
Q: Now, if you'd only let me fini...
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
5.
Q: You're insane.
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
6.
Q: What's wrong with you people?
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
7.
Q: You need therapy.
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
8.
Q: I'm serious.
A: JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!!! (rev. 5/95)
9.
Q: I'm outta here. Have a nice life!
A: SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
10.
Q: Help, I'm a loser! What can I do?
A: First, take a big breath, then SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
11.
Q: Can I base my spiritual path on the philosophy taught here?
A: Yes. Many have reached supreme heights of geekdom by chanting the
sacred mantras taught here at a.s.t.h.u.g. For best results, we
recommend giving yourself a strawberry Yoo-Hoo enema, (2 quarts, no
more no less), and watching Gilligan's Island reruns for 5 hours
before attempting the a.s.t.h.u.g meditation
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WARNING: This newsgroup is for external use only. In case of ingestion,
contact a local poison control center immediately! DO NOT INDUCE
VOMITING! Use of this newsgroup in any matter inconsistent with it's
labeling is a violation of federal law.
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Revisions:
5/15/95: Added questions #10 and #11
3/31/95: Updated the question "What's wrong with you people?"
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Follow these scriptural doctrines and you too shall find eternal happiness
and bliss once you've figured the intricate secrets hidden in the
philosophy of SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
This FAQ is shareware. If you like it, you must send a certified check,
money order, or cashier's check payable to the amount of $1,000 U.S. to:
The Official ASTHUG FAQ Headquarters
C/O The Central Intellegence Agency
Washington DC
Thank you for your support. All funds shall be donated to worthy causes
worldwide, including (but not limited to): The drug trade, 3rd world
country rebellions, crime bosses, and various other charitable
organizations.
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To be re-posted reguarly to assure that the essence of the truth of the
principles that this newsgroup was founded on continue to flourish in
lustful ecstacy.
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Do you have any questions? Address them to reu...@yellodyno.com
--
Reuben King (reu...@safe-t-child.com) \\ CHIRP!
http://www.safe-t-child.com/reuben/myhome.html \\ (o> /
(o> //\
"Work done with little effort often yields _(()_____V_/_____
little result." --- B.C. Forbes || ||
Opinions and beliefs expressed in this message are my own and in no way represent or reflect the opinions and beliefs of SAFE-T-CHILD, its sponsors, its associates, or subsidiaries.
Thomas Mitchell
to fully endorse this FAQ and heartily invite Reuben to
SHUT THE HELL UP, GEEK!
Biff
Silence says it all.