Frank Sinatra Spaghetti Sauce
P.J. Gladnick
supermarket shelves about 7 years ago. You would figure with a celeb name on
it like that, the spaghetti sauce would really sell well. It didn't. In fact
they issued dollar off coupons for the stuff. I used to buy lots of Frank
Sinatra Spaghetti sauce because with the double coupons policy prevelant at
almost all the La-La Land supermarkets, the out of pocket cost came to only
about 25 cents. I used to buy tons of the stuff. Maybe a couple of hundred
Frank Sinatra spaghetti sauce bottles per week. I can't really be a judge of
how good it really was because at just about a quarter a bottle, almost any
spaghetti sauce would taste good.
Now you're probably wondering why I would buy so much Frank Sinatra
spaghetti sauce and how could a human being possible eat so much pasta? Ah,
well that brings us to the next part of the story. See, I used to know
somebody who worked for the Daily News out in the San Fernando Valley. Among
the things he did was pick up the unsold Sunday section of the newspaper.
Since he was one of my many acolytes, he let ol' PJ have tons of the coupon
page inserts.
Soooo...... I would pull out the scissors and clip hundreds of coupons, not
only for the Frank Sinatra Spaghetti Sauce but also for underarm deodorant,
stuff for cleaning contact lenses, and lots of other products. Sometimes I
didn't even need the newspaper coupons. I remember that 7-Up had coupons
right on the 2 liter bottles good for $1.00 off the purchase of two 2 liter
bottles of 7-Up. Then I would use the coupons from the two (free after
doubling the coupon value) 2-liter bottles to buy four two liter bottles for
nothing as well. It didn't take long to obtain hundreds (actually thousands
cumulatively) this way.
Then I would turn around and sell them to vendors. For example, the BO
sticks (which I bought for about 20 cents after using the double coupons) I
would sell for $1.00 each to a vendor (usually the BO lady vendor at the
Roadium). Since I would sell about a couple of hundred of them at a pop, I
would make about a net of $160. Same thing with the Frank Sinatra spaghetti
sauce, etc..
I did everything scientifically. I made my supermarket runs at night
starting after 8 PM, when the lines weren't too long. I had all my coupons
ready and picked up about a dozen different products at a sweep thru. This
meant that I went thru a checkout line, placed the coupon bought items in
my car, and then swept thru the supermarket again and used a different
checkout line. I did this about 4 to 6 times per supermarket depending on
the size of the supermarket.
Then I would drive to another supermarket and repeated the process. Of
course, since this was highly repetitive, it could drive you nuts from the
boredom. Fortunately, I had my walkman type radio with me at all times and
listened mostly to talk radio. The result was that I got lots of exercise
from all that aisle walking and kept my mind occupied with the radio.
After spending about 6 to 8 hours (plus a pit stop to store the items) at
this I used to like to stop by Jerry's Deli for a nice sandwich in the early
A.M. hours. Then the next day I would take a trip down to Torrance to sell
the merchandise to the vendors. There was the BO Lady who would flip me a
bunch of bucks, and the Food guy who would buy the Frank Sinatra spaghetti
sauce, Worchester sauce, 7-Up, etc..
OK, one time I found a vendor who wanted to trade about a thousand Jesus
Night Lights for a couple of dozen bottles of Frank Sinatra spaghetti sauce.
He told me the Jesus Night Lights really didn't sell well and he just wanted
to get rid of them all. I took a look at the Jesus Night Lights. They had a
picture of Jesus and a prayer. Under normal circumstances, they would be a
tough sell..... but I had a plan.
Soooo...... Anyway I brought home (with a sort of an out of the way pit stop
at the Pantry Cafe) the thousand Jesus Night Lights. Shortly thereafter a
friend of mine visited me and I decided to put my Jesus Night Light Plan
into effect. I showed my friend the Jesus Night Lights and told him that I
planned to sell them for 50 cents each. Well, my friend being a sort of
Yuppie atheist/agnostic type looked at them in utter disgust. He denounced
the Jesus Night Lights as being incredibly tacky and in poor taste.
Okay, here was where ol PJ's Jesus Night Light Plan A kicked in. I said to
my friend, "But Dave, don't you get it? These Night Lights are so tacky that
they are campy. It's a novelty item. Imagine having a party and then you
turn down the lights to reveal the glowing Jesus Night Lights?"
Well, my friend didn't seem convinced. He left and I thought that my Jesus
Night Sales Plan was a flop. However, a few minutes later there was a knock
on my door. It was Dave.---"Hey, could I have about a half dozen of them
Jesus Night Lights?" He handed me three bucks and I was on my way to make my
mark as perhaps the most pre-eminent Jesus Night Light salesman in
existence.
Well, I knew these Jesus Night Lights would sell but there was no way of
convincing the vendors that I sold the coupon merchandise to of this fact.
So I decided to sell the Jesus Night Lights direct to the public.
That weekend I went to the Pierce College swap meet in the San Fernando
Valley. I had a big box of my Jesus Night Lights and also some of my other
stuff (Frank Sinatra Spaghetti Sauce, etc.). The first group to pass me were
not the Yuppie atheist/agnostic types for whom I had my ready made sales
pitch (Plan A)n but what looked to be a family either Mexicans or Central
Americans. Okay, this was where Plan B of my Jesus Night Light sales pitch
kicked in. There was no way they would buy the Jesus Night Light as a campy
novelty item. So I yelled out:
"LUUUUZ DE JESUUUUS! LUUUUZ DE JESUUUS!"
This made them turn to look at me with curiousity. Then I kicked in with the
second part of my pitch:
"PARA TODA SU FAMILIA!!!! COMPRE LA LUZ MILAGROSA!!!"
Now they started to show more interest in the miraculous light that I was
pitching. Time to really lay it on thick:
"CADA LUZ BENDITA TIENE UNA SUPLICA!!!"
At this point el papa of the family asked me: "Quanto es?"
"Solamente cincuenta centavos," I answered as he handed over a couple of
quarters.
As my new customer started to walk away, I kicked in with the final close of
Plan B:
"NECESSITE MAS DE UNO PARA SEGURAR LA PROTECCION DE TODA SU FAMILIA!"
The guy spun around again and I quickly said:
"DOS PARA UN DOLAR!"
Then as they walked away I started anew:
"LUUUUZ DE JESUUUS! LUUUUZ DE JESUUUS
Well, it went like this all day. I would pitch the Jesus Night Lights to
the Latin folks as above and to the Yuppie atheist/agnostic types as a campy
novelty item. Sometimes I would switch back and forth quickly from English
to Spanish to both groups simultaneously when they were both present.
After a few swap meet days I had sold most of the Jesus Night Lights. But
then.......DISASTER struck.
However, it's almost bedtime, boys and girls, so I will hold off on that
story, "The CURSE Of The Jesus Night Lights" until later.
**********************************************************
Oh, getting back to topic again---Did any of you out there ever taste the
Frank Sinatra Spaghetti sauce and how did you like it?
Alix
P.J. Gladnick wrote in message <7q4d28$cgc$1...@news.gate.net>...
>Does anybody out there remember Frank Sinatra spaghetti sauce? It was on
the
>supermarket shelves about 7 years ago.
I just had a jar of "Frank Sinatra's Gourmet Italian Pesto Sauce" the other
night. It came from my mom, who picked it from the clearance bin at the
Encino Ralph's about a month ago. Hmm ... you think I just ate 7-year-old
sauce? She paid about a dollar for it, I think. If you hurry, maybe you can
still get some.
How'd I like it? Blech. It had too strong of a minty flavor and was rather
salty.
>See, I used to know
>somebody who worked for the Daily News out in the San Fernando Valley.
Didja know anyone in editorial? I had a lot of friends there before I moved
away in '88.
>He handed me three bucks and I was on my way to make my
>mark as perhaps the most pre-eminent Jesus Night Light salesman in
>existence.
>
>
>"LUUUUZ DE JESUUUUS! LUUUUZ DE JESUUUS!"
>
You are so weird. Funny. But weird. I guess that's the LA influence.
>
>However, it's almost bedtime, boys and girls, so I will hold off on that
>story, "The CURSE Of The Jesus Night Lights" until later.
>
>
I can hardly wait.
Alix
King Daevid MacKenzie, UltimaJock!
the manufacturer kneecapped for putting his face on that slop. (Mind you,
Paul Newman's stuff isn't the greatest---Sutter Home's Sicilian blows them
both out of the water---but at least it's edible and Newman keeps an eye
on how it's made and marketed)...
--
King Daevid MacKenzie, UltimaJock! (opinions expressed solely his)
heard in Chicago-Milwaukee-Lake Geneva-Whitewater
ultim...@eudoramail.com http://come.to/ultimajock
"If I've offended you in any way, you needed it." ROBIN TYLER
P.J. Gladnick
Alix wrote in message <7q4f8m$l...@dfw-ixnews6.ix.netcom.com>...
>the
>>supermarket shelves about 7 years ago.
>
>night. It came from my mom, who picked it from the clearance bin at the
>Encino Ralph's about a month ago. Hmm ... you think I just ate 7-year-old
>sauce? She paid about a dollar for it, I think. If you hurry, maybe you can
>still get some.
Did you check the expiration date? If it is a 7 year old bottle, you might
consider breaking out the stomach pump.
>
>How'd I like it? Blech. It had too strong of a minty flavor and was rather
>salty.
Sounds like 1991 wasn't "A Very Good Year" for Frank Sinatra spaghetti
sauce.
>
>>See, I used to know
>>somebody who worked for the Daily News out in the San Fernando Valley.
>
>Didja know anyone in editorial? I had a lot of friends there before I moved
>away in '88.
No. This guy was in transport---As in transporting the newspapers.
>
>>He handed me three bucks and I was on my way to make my
>>mark as perhaps the most pre-eminent Jesus Night Light salesman in
>>existence.
>>
>>
>>"LUUUUZ DE JESUUUUS! LUUUUZ DE JESUUUS!"
>>
>
>
>You are so weird. Funny. But weird. I guess that's the LA influence.
I like to mix my oatmeal into the wet concrete of life.
>
>
>>
>>However, it's almost bedtime, boys and girls, so I will hold off on that
>>story, "The CURSE Of The Jesus Night Lights" until later.
>>
>>
>
>
>I can hardly wait.
>
>Alix
>
>
LUUUUZ DE JESUUUUUS!!!!
David Migicovsky
article <ultimajock-26...@pm3-ppp217.genevaonline.com>...
> ...I once had a jar of that stuff. I couldn't believe Frank didn't have
> the manufacturer kneecapped for putting his face on that slop. (Mind you,
> Paul Newman's stuff isn't the greatest---Sutter Home's Sicilian blows
them
> both out of the water---but at least it's edible and Newman keeps an eye
> on how it's made and marketed)...
>
In all fairness, Newman has a certain advantage over Sinatra when it comes
to doing that.
Joy S.
>>I still have a carton of boxes of "Sammy Davis, Jr. Chili Mix." My<BR>
>>mother must have gotten a great deal on it because she bought TONS of<BR>
>>it and I still have some of mine.<BR>
>><BR>
>>Actually, it made pretty good chili -- I wonder what the statute of<BR>
>>limitations on a packet of herbs and spices is?<BR>
>><BR>
>><BR>
>><BR>
>>Gael<BR>
>><BR>
><BR>
>Dahling, two words: E Bay<BR>
><BR>
I can think of two better -
Compost Heap
^v^
··~ ~·· ~~.·´¯`·· ~ ~~· ~~.·´¯`·· ~
··~ ~·· ~ .·´¯`··~ ~ ~.·´¯`~···~~.·´¯`·· ~
Miss Lane
You should sell it on Ebay - pitch it as a crucial Rat Pack collector's item.
And if you could find some Sinatra Sauce to pair with it, you'd really clean
up.
H
P.J. Gladnick
>> After spending about 6 to 8 hours (plus a pit stop to store the items)
at
>> this I used to like to stop by Jerry's Deli for a nice sandwich in the
early
>> A.M. hours. Then the next day I would take a trip down to Torrance to
sell
>> the merchandise to the vendors. There was the BO Lady who would flip me a
>> bunch of bucks, and the Food guy who would buy the Frank Sinatra
spaghetti
>> sauce, Worchester sauce, 7-Up, etc..
>
>Jesus, this is sad. Have you ever had an actual job?
Yeah, but I much prefer to mix my oatmeal into the wet concrete of life.
>
>>
>> OK, one time I found a vendor who wanted to trade about a thousand Jesus
>> Night Lights for a couple of dozen bottles of Frank Sinatra spaghetti
sauce.
>> He told me the Jesus Night Lights really didn't sell well and he just
wanted
>> to get rid of them all. I took a look at the Jesus Night Lights. They had
a
>> picture of Jesus and a prayer. Under normal circumstances, they would be
a
>> tough sell..... but I had a plan.
>
>I have a Jesus nightlight. I also have a glow in the dark Madonna. My
>friend bought a Madonna shaped bottle where she keeps her extra Virgin
>olive oil.
>
>Imogen
>
It sounds like you were one of my customers. Did I use the campy bit or the
"LUUUUZ DE JESUUUUS!" routine on you?
Joy S.
Jesus heads with the marinara to give em a more realistic look.
Her Highness The Pink Princess
<Imo...@removezearthlink.net> writes:
>Throw in a bottle of Dean Martin Antabuse, Peter Lawford elegant
>Pimp-wear, and Joey Heatherton flavoured douche products and you got a
>winner.
>
>Imogen
Omygoddess, Joey Hetherton! Haven't thought about her in ages, (I thought you
were going to say Joey Bishop), has she completly desiccated, turned to a
grey-beige powder, and blown away, yet?
Reigning and Deigning
Pink Wishes
The Princess \^*^*^/
http://www.FacemakersIncorporated.com
Glam! Bam! Thank you, M'am:
http://www.geocities.com/broadway/3060
IT ALL HAPPENS 9/9/99
P.J. Gladnick
Her Highness The Pink Princess wrote in message
<19990828005409...@ngol02.aol.com>...
>In article <270819991017484527%Imo...@removezearthlink.net>, Imogen
><Imo...@removezearthlink.net> writes:
>
>>Throw in a bottle of Dean Martin Antabuse, Peter Lawford elegant
>>Pimp-wear, and Joey Heatherton flavoured douche products and you got a
>>winner.
>>
The best thing about Joey Heatherton is that she provided rich comedic
material for SCTV in the form of the character of Lola ("I WANT TO BEAR YOUR
BABY!") Heatherington.
P.J. Gladnick
Imogen wrote in message <280819991121373527%Imo...@removezearthlink.net>...
>In article <7q75j0$26ka$1...@news.gate.net>, P.J. Gladnick
><pjg...@gate.net> wrote:
>
>> >> After spending about 6 to 8 hours (plus a pit stop to store the items)
>> at
>> >> this I used to like to stop by Jerry's Deli for a nice sandwich in the
>> early
>> >> A.M. hours. Then the next day I would take a trip down to Torrance to
>> sell
>> >> the merchandise to the vendors. There was the BO Lady who would flip
me a
>> >> bunch of bucks, and the Food guy who would buy the Frank Sinatra
>> spaghetti
>> >> sauce, Worchester sauce, 7-Up, etc..
>> >
>>
>> Yeah, but I much prefer to mix my oatmeal into the wet concrete of life.
>
>life and then jumping in and letting it set around you. What the hell
>kind of a metaphor is that anyway? Life is wet concrete? Life is a
>sidewalk? Life is the foundation of a new condo? Life is a big bag of
>rocks? Life is like that stuff you find between your toes, and you're
>not sure what it is?
Read this Zippy at the link below and all will be made clear, my dear.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/sfgate/zippy.cgi?weekday=4