{ASSD} Okay, Race-Fans!
Alexis
Antheros). I won't give anything away by telling them to the audience
right now, but suffice it to say, I believe we're all in for a treat.
Challenging words from all three sides in this duel -- we're putting
our authors' creative abilities to the test.
They have three hours from sometime tomorrow (Saturday, December 30th).
I'll read and post results as soon as I can (no guarantees on
immediacy, however).
So, as the saying goes...
Watch This Space.
vin...@vinnietesla.com
timer, I sent in my story with 30 seconds to go. Really coulda used
another two hours, though. Phew.
Alexis
hours by two very fine authors.
At this point, I know you're waiting for a judge's ruling on the
"winner" of this Write Club Duel; however, my fine folks, you'll have
to wait. The stories deserve a fair and thoughtful judging -- more
than simply, "I like this one the best." And, to give such a judging,
I'm going to take the evening. As I type this, I'm preparing to head
out to the woods for a New Year's Eve night of winter 'camping'. I'll
return to civilization sometime tomorrow and then I shall decree one of
these fine stories the winner.
On that, everyone, Happy New Year.
Alexis.
Stasya T. Canine
Same to you. <g>
Be advised that this overly-affectionate nonpuppy will be waiting somewhere
to ambush the three of you with hopefully embarrassing displays of
enthusiastic appreciation and thanks for what you've done, after you announce
your decision.
___
"The ONLY 'Clit' award that is really important to me...
Is the fully functional one attached to my female lover."
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Alexis wrote:
As I type this, I'm preparing to head
> out to the woods for a New Year's Eve night of winter 'camping'. I'll
> return to civilization sometime tomorrow and then I shall decree one of
> these fine stories the winner.
>
undies.
Gary Jordan
Oh, no. It's an Alaskan thing. Nude camping. It's like that bunch of
nuts that cut a hole in the ice and swim in it. Polar Bear club?
Anyway, Nude Alaskan Camping. I'm pretty sure Alexis has written a
couple of stories about it, or at least mentioned it in the stories.
I do remember the time she mentioned having to pee. On skis.
Gary "them was the days" Jordan
Antheros
> I have in my hot little hands two fine stories written in three short
> hours by two very fine authors.
Such a short time. It took an hour for the story to start
writing itself, and I didn't have time to rewrite the beginning...
> At this point, I know you're waiting for a judge's ruling on the
> "winner" of this Write Club Duel; however, my fine folks, you'll have
> to wait. The stories deserve a fair and thoughtful judging -- more
> than simply, "I like this one the best." And, to give such a judging,
> I'm going to take the evening. As I type this, I'm preparing to head
> out to the woods for a New Year's Eve night of winter 'camping'. I'll
> return to civilization sometime tomorrow and then I shall decree one of
> these fine stories the winner.
I'm curious to know what Vinnie did to those nine words. And
who chose which words? I think the T-addicted was Vinnie. I'm also
eager to read Alexis' comments. Hope you enjoyed your camping!
> On that, everyone, Happy New Year.
With plenty of stories and few RL problems!
--
Antheros [antheros A T gmail.com]
http://www.asstr.org/~Antheros/
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Antheros wrote:
> I'm curious to know what Vinnie did to those nine words. And
> who chose which words? I think the T-addicted was Vinnie. I'm also
> eager to read Alexis' comments. Hope you enjoyed your camping!
>
All here except Alexis' comments:
http://vinnie-tesla.livejournal.com/31630.html
Alexis
No, wait, wrong literary reference...
I've never written for a Write Club Duel, and frankly, I don't know
that I'd be up to the challenge of producing a finished, complete story
in a three-hour window. I've done other competitions, but nothing with
this type of pressure-cooker environment.
That's my way of saying that both authors deserve commendation. Both
stories are worth reading and both stories incorporated the nine words.
A moment of your time about the words, and then I'll get to the
stories. When the authors select their three words, I've always
assumed that they're doing so with the kernel of a story in mind. As a
writer, I know that most of us have story ideas bubbling on the various
back-burners, and my suspicion is that, when the list of words arrives
to each author, they're keeping their fingers crossed that the other
author and the judge haven't selected something completely out in left
field. I've seen duels like that, and I've felt incredibly sorry for
the authors who, quite possibly, had to spend 20 minutes of their three
hours looking up meanings to a set of incredibly obscure words. Those
duels are often very disappointing -- it becomes quite obvious that one
or both of the authors had to do some serious squeezing to make the
words work (like packing a size 12 bride into her size 8 wedding dress
<g>).
This wasn't the case in this duel.
I've also seen lists of words that were so incredibly generic, any
author could have picked a story at random from their archives and
found all nine words already there.
This wasn't the case this time, either.
The words selected by the authors were generally clever, usable, and
interesting without being obscure or bizarre. As the judge, I tried to
put in three words that would make the authors stretch. So, here is
the list and following that, my opinions on the stories (the words came
from, in order with three each; Vinnie, Antheros, and me.)
Teas
Tease
Tutees
scimitar
blush
epiphany
flamingo
schadenfreude
oracle
And now, the stories:
Vinnie gives us "Lesson One," in which Sybil and Stanley develop a
seminar of sorts for some very lucky young men who, until now, were
somewhat unschooled in the ways of pleasuring women.
Vinnie used all nine of the words, and managed to do so seamlessly --
in fact, I did searches for two of the words after reading the story,
because I couldn't remember them being included. Frankly, his use of
"oracle" is something of a cheat, or, more accurately, a work-around.
Since I've been known to bend the rules myself on occasion (and been
allowed to do so successfully), I'm merely going to give him a wink and
a nod for it.
There were some notable phrases and moments in this short story that
are worth mentioning:
"She kissed him gently on the cheek, patted his hair down into a
semblance of order (too much would be as suspicious as too little on
Stanley, she thought to herself),..." Nice attention to detail -- it's
those little thoughts that give insight into a character (and, by
extension, into the author). Also:
"The worst part was between the arrival of the first and the second of
Stanley's tutees. Small talk was unbearable, and discussion of what was
planned impossible." I suspect that this one sentence completely sums
up the true feelings of someone preparing to be part of a "group"
encounter for the first time.
There is one section of this story that I didn't care for -- without
giving away too much (like I said, the story is worth a read), I found
the encounter in Sybil's office cubicle to be unlikely enough as to be
distracting to me, as a reader. When a story is written in a
believable universe and there's little need for a suspension of
disbelief on the reader's part, an unexpected moment of, "no, I don't
really think so" is often enough to throw me out of the story
completely. That particular section doesn't add much, overall, to the
story and could be removed or highly edited, and would, in my opinion,
make the story a stronger one.
Vinnie's "Lesson One" appears to be a strong introduction to a longer
story -- or perhaps to a series of short stories or vignettes -- and I
think that he should be encouraged to continue writing it.
Antheros wrote a completed short story, "Choices." Interestingly, it
appears that his story was written around one of the words I provided
rather than around an idea he already had marinating. In "Choices" the
reader is presented with a familiar scenario -- the young college co-ed
and the more adult and more experienced professor. Like Vinnie, he
used all nine of the words and presented a well-proofed, finished
piece. I'm not as comfortable with his use of the word
"schadenfreude," and were I his editor for this story, I'd strongly
suggest a different phrase. However, he was stuck with the word this
time, and he managed to include it more or less accurately.
The beginning of his piece is somewhat awkward -- there's a discussion
of the co-ed's dissertation that seems rather vague (although given the
three-hour time limit, that's to be understood and expected). However,
there are also some very good passages in this piece. I believe the
most telling is this:
"The problem of an oracle, Mandy, is that it gives you an
answer. And you have to find what exactly the question is."
When it comes right down to it, a whole lot of life is like that, isn't
it?
Bottom line -- I'm strongly tempted to call this a tie. Both stories
are well written, relatively well proofread (given the time
constraints), and polished. Both authors took common themes and
situations and handled them deftly; neither fell to cliche (as each
could have, quite easily). Both stories have areas of weakness, but
both could easily be 'fixed' with a few back-and-forth efforts with a
good editor.
At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction. Although
both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story "Choices" simply
appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and were we to redo this
duel another time, there's a good chance that it would have gone the
other way.
So, thank you both for giving me the opportunity to be part of this
duel. Congratulations to you both for what you've accomplished.
Alexis.
Alexis
Sagittaria
news:1167786596.4...@v33g2000cwv.googlegroups.com:
>> At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction.
>> Although both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story
>> "Choices" simply appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and
>> were we to redo this duel another time, there's a good chance
>> that it would have gone the other way.
Congratulations, Antheros. And thanks to all three of you for providing
these stories for our enjoyment. I've just read them both and enjoyed
them very much.
--
---->Sagittaria<----
http://sagittaria.livejournal.com
"As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence
best known by the torments of absence." - Alcibiades
Serene
wrote:
>"Alexis" <alexisi...@aol.com> wrote in
>news:1167786596.4...@v33g2000cwv.googlegroups.com:
>
>>> At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction.
>>> Although both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story
>>> "Choices" simply appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and
>>> were we to redo this duel another time, there's a good chance
>>> that it would have gone the other way.
>
>Congratulations, Antheros. And thanks to all three of you for providing
>these stories for our enjoyment. I've just read them both and enjoyed
>them very much.
What Sagi said.
Serene
--
"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.
Tesseract
I believe our spies have obtained some pictures.
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-27_snowpaintball.html
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-28_frozennipples.html
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-29_winterflash.html
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-30_mpl_katerina1.html
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-31_mpl_valia.html
http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2007-01-01_mpl_masha1.html
--
Tesseract
Alexis
I'm not saying another word about them... it...whichever :-)
Alexis.
Stasya T. Canine
>Alexis wrote:
>> Ah, Wilderness!
>>
>> No, wait, wrong literary reference...
>>
>> I've never written for a Write Club Duel, and frankly, I don't know
>> that I'd be up to the challenge of producing a finished, complete story
>> in a three-hour window. I've done other competitions, but nothing with
>> this type of pressure-cooker environment.
>>
>> That's my way of saying that both authors deserve commendation. Both
>> stories are worth reading and both stories incorporated the nine words.
>>
First:
Both stories are a good read. Thanks to Antheros, Vinnie, and Alexis for the
time and effort.
Alexis speaks of a 'pressure-cooker environment'. How well I know it from
first hand experience, having done something similar elsewhere. 'Work one or
more of these sentences into a story'--in two hours.
'schadenfreude'
Jeez... I bet that's what Alexis was feeling when she picked it.
As Alexis noted, both stories could benefit from some proofing and editing,
but for 'out of the box', both are pretty darn good.
I think Antheros did the best at working 'schadenfreude' in and letting
context explain it He did it well enough that I would have figured it out
without looking it up (which I did beforehand). I felt Vinnie's use
appropriate, but the context didn't make the meaning as clear, imv.
Another impression I had was that neither author is really comfortable doing
the sort of short, yet complete work the time limit imposed on them. If I'm
wrong, I apologize in advance.
Anyway...
Vinnie seemed less bothered by it and his story, to me, had a much smoother
flow to it, with fewer things that tried to pull me out of the flow.
Both had things that, in spite of my accepting the roughness as given, took
me out of the flow completely.
The sort of romance Antheros used, imo, doesn't lend itself well to those
disruptions while Vinnie's adventuresome tone did a lot to hide the
occasional flub and pull the reader, me, past it. In Vinnie's work I knew
the flubs were there but the internal flow made it seem less significant,
less jarring, than I found the flubs to be in Antheros' work.
Bottom line?
Both stories are pretty darn good works, all things considered, and worth
reading.
I'd hate to have to choose one over the other after they were proofed.
However, based on personal involvement in the stories and how well I was kept
involved, the feeling of 'being there' as opposed to 'viewing from the
outside'...
Vinnie gets my nod.
Evil Nigel
> http://nickscipio.com/funstuff/archive19/2006-12-29_winterflash.html
I bet she's all fur coat and no knickers.
Evil Nigel
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Congratulations to Antheros on his victory. Apparently my friendly
offer of cash to the judge backfired when it was misunderstood as some
sort of sleazy bribe attempt. Next time I'll try offering cookies
instead...
cmsix
<vin...@vinnietesla.com> wrote in message
news:1167835290....@n51g2000cwc.googlegroups.com...
That probably won't work either. Alexis gets her own cookies... uh,
bakes her own cookies.
cmsix
>
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Stasya T. Canine wrote:
.
>
> I think Antheros did the best at working 'schadenfreude' in and letting
> context explain it He did it well enough that I would have figured it out
> without looking it up (which I did beforehand). I felt Vinnie's use
> appropriate, but the context didn't make the meaning as clear, imv.
I guess I didn't realize that was a goal. I didn't try to explain
flamingo or Oracle either. Arguably, if a word's meaning is completely
clear from context, it's also redundant.
> However, based on personal involvement in the stories and how well I was kept
> involved, the feeling of 'being there' as opposed to 'viewing from the
> outside'...
>
> Vinnie gets my nod.
>
Thanks much. If you want to elaborate on the flubs, I'd read with great
interest, but if you want to wait for Ver 2.0 before bothering, that's
very reasonable.
0mn1vore
(in message <Xns98ACF06494...@140.99.99.130>):
> "Alexis" <alexisi...@aol.com> wrote in
> news:1167786596.4...@v33g2000cwv.googlegroups.com:
>
>>> At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction.
>>> Although both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story
>>> "Choices" simply appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and
>>> were we to redo this duel another time, there's a good chance
>>> that it would have gone the other way.
>
> Congratulations, Antheros. And thanks to all three of you for providing
> these stories for our enjoyment. I've just read them both and enjoyed
> them very much.
It's really hard to compare the two, because they're so different
from eachother. The part of this duel I really don't envy is
Alexis having to judge a `winner'.
I liked both, for different reasons.
Vinnies's `Lesson One', being more adventurous and paced a bit
faster, shows its flaws less. You tend to read past those,
instead of stumbling over them [as Stasya mentioned]. Hotter
overall, but not my favourite *story* of the two.
This does feel like the beginning of something longer, or the
first in a set of stories. It does stand up well on its own
though, with a clear but nicely open-ended ending, leaving
plenty to the reader's imagination.
But `Choices' really drew me in, with its gentleness, depth of
character, and subdued flow of events. The characters and story
were interesting, including Amanda's lingering doubts about the
whole thing. Always good for realism, when the characters don't
blindly cooperate with what an author has in mind for them. ;-)
Overall, the story feels smooth and unhurried, but how the hell
can anyone write smooth and unhurried, in *three_hours*? What do
you do, pretend you're *not* in a rush? Okay, some things are
glossed-over, and some scenes are handled a little too briefly,
but I'd love to see this one revised, without such a killer
deadline hanging over it.
I mean really, in *three_hours*? For someone to produce that
much text in semi-coherent fashion [let alone a story] would
impress me.
So both stories are totally mind-boggling.
Thank you,
0mn1.
--
"it's ok to look at the past, [When replying,
just don't stare at it." use sneakEmail,
-- oprativ not sneakYmail.]
[I've never heard of yMail, anything like yEnc?]
Stasya T. Canine
>
>I guess I didn't realize that was a goal. I didn't try to explain
>flamingo or Oracle either. Arguably, if a word's meaning is completely
>clear from context, it's also redundant.
I don't think it's a goal, as such. But, if an author is going to use the
word, context, imo, should at least give the reader a good idea of what it
means. Antheros did a better job of that, this time, for me. I'm sure
others will see it the other way.
If the use of a word tosses me out of the flow, then, arguably, an author has
failed in their task of keeping me involved. <g>
Note that I said 'would have figured it out', not 'explained it completely'.
There's a difference and in the first case the use is not redundant.
Both of you did a damn good job with the words on such short notice. I would
have considered ducking enthusiastically by opening with something like:
"Mahika! Flamingo, oracle and *schadenfreude*?!"
I groaned and put my head in my hands. It didn't help so I mumbled wearily:
"I'll schadenfreude someone for this! See if I don't someday!"
....
OK, I would have included it in the story somehow, but I definitely would
have wanted to vent!
Again, You and Antheros did a good job.
Thanks. Again.
Oh, the comments.
sighs... me and...
Yah, I can wait for the revised version but I'll think about it in the
meantime. Like always, things on the plate and I would like to let others
read without my nonsense influencing what they read.
OK, OK... I'll consider an email but I do have one other job I definitely
must do first.
0mn1vore
(in message
<1167835290....@n51g2000cwc.googlegroups.com>):
But she hasn't decided yet, not until she gets back from that
camping trip. And considering that this is an *Alaskan* camping
trip, in January, you might do better offering her an electric
blanket.
Evil Nigel
> "Alexis" <alexisi...@aol.com> wrote in
> news:1167786596.4...@v33g2000cwv.googlegroups.com:
>
>
>>>At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction.
>>>Although both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story
>>>"Choices" simply appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and
>>>were we to redo this duel another time, there's a good chance
>>>that it would have gone the other way.
>
>
> Congratulations, Antheros. And thanks to all three of you for providing
> these stories for our enjoyment. I've just read them both and enjoyed
> them very much.
>
I'm gobsmacked at what fantastic stories were produced in just three
hours under very trying conditions. Congratulations to both Antheros and
Vinnie.
I'm with Alexis - 'Choices' appealed to me more.
Evil Nigel
(PS Antheros, where can I buy one of those oracle thingies?)
Antheros
> I've never written for a Write Club Duel, and frankly, I don't know
> that I'd be up to the challenge of producing a finished, complete story
> in a three-hour window. I've done other competitions, but nothing with
> this type of pressure-cooker environment.
Not the most pleasant way of writing, but it does get the words
out of your fingers <g>
> Antheros wrote a completed short story, "Choices." Interestingly, it
> appears that his story was written around one of the words I provided
> rather than around an idea he already had marinating. In "Choices" the
You're right. We, the writers, weren't supposed to think about
the story before we had all the words--so I did my best not to. Your
word just happened to be important.
Since Alexis wrote a long post, and Vinnie told in his blog
about how he wrote his story, I suppose I should do it as well.
*SPOILER ALERT* I'll discuss what happens in the story, even the
ending.
I tried not to think about the story. One or two ideas of what
to do with a scimitar popped into my head, but I didn't use them. The
story was entirely dictated by the words, and completely unplanned.
The two thoughest words for me were "flamingo" and "scimitar"
(I shouldn't have had those other ideas for it). I think I cheated a
little but getting rid of them in the first paragraph. Vinnie did a
much better work with them, in my opinion. "Teas" and "tutees" gave
me the setting for the first scene and the relationship between the
characters.
The beginning of the story was somewhat weak. I had no idea
where to go with the story, and I almost started to delve into
Amanda's thesis, something Alexis picked in her analysis. I let the
old professor/student cliche slip into the story, and started to
develop the characters. Two words were easy to fit in--"blush"
and "tease".
By then I had a scene ready, the two characters reasonably
well described. All I needed was the real story. I added another
scene to get the two characters alone. I took advantage of it to
use "schadenfreude". I grant Alexis that it's not precisely its
meaning, but it's not far either. Perhaps I should have used it
when Amanda was glad to see Helen be sent away.
Since most of the words were out and I still had time to
spare, I just wrote a little more, adding to the situation. It was
obvious that something would happen between the two characters,
but I still didn't know what. I didn't even know if they would
sleep together or not. It was the two words left that set the
ending of the story.
When I started to describe the room, I decided that there
would be something interesting there. I had no idea of what it
should be, so I just chose one of the words I had left. Since you
can't bottle epiphanies (legally), it had to be an oracle.
It was exactly here that the story took a life of its own.
I ended up rewriting this part later, to fix a few incongruences
and simplify it a little. The Tarot was a quick solution: instead
of inventing a complicated guessing system and having to describe
it, I used something that already exists. I found a site about
the Tarot, and read about a few of the cards. "The Lovers" matched
the story very well, and also settled what would happen to them.
I only needed the ending, and to deal with the last word,
"epiphany". It was my own word. Thinking about the oracle (whose
description came out of nowhere, I never saw something like that), I
had an epiphany of my own: what if she had been tricked? She wasn't
horny anymore, she was coming back to her senses, thinking whether
having had sex with her advisor had been a good idea, whether those
rumors about him had any truth in them.
The ending followed easily. If I had had more time, I'd have
worked his speech much more carefully; it seems rushed to me the
way it is. Mark should have been more seductive, I think. But there's
only so much you can do in two and a half hours, the time it took me
to write the story.
It's interesting that nobody discussed the last scene. Did she
believe in him? Did she just want him, and decided it was best not to
know? Did she throw the ball again, and saw the future?
> The beginning of his piece is somewhat awkward -- there's a discussion
> of the co-ed's dissertation that seems rather vague (although given the
> three-hour time limit, that's to be understood and expected). However,
> there are also some very good passages in this piece. I believe the
> most telling is this:
It shows how it matured and took a life of its own. If it were
not for the time limit, I'd have rewritten the beginning, keeping the
general plot, but improving the style and the details.
> "The problem of an oracle, Mandy, is that it gives you an
> answer. And you have to find what exactly the question is."
>
> When it comes right down to it, a whole lot of life is like that, isn't
> it?
It does seem to be...
> At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction. Although
> both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story "Choices" simply
> appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and were we to redo this
> duel another time, there's a good chance that it would have gone the
> other way.
My pleasure, thank you very much! But I think I won because
my story was more romantic than Vinnie's...
> So, thank you both for giving me the opportunity to be part of this
> duel. Congratulations to you both for what you've accomplished.
Thank you for organizing it. It was good fun and a nice way to
end the year.
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Alexis wrote:
Frankly, his use of
> "oracle" is something of a cheat, or, more accurately, a work-around.
> Since I've been known to bend the rules myself on occasion (and been
> allowed to do so successfully), I'm merely going to give him a wink and
> a nod for it.
>
You'd be fair to only give me half a point for such a work around. But
if you do that, you have to give me two half-points.
An oracle, if I remember my classical history correctly, is simply the
place where a sybil does her job. And I certainly showed the place
where a Sybil does her job.
Antheros
> "Alexis" <alexisi...@aol.com> wrote in
> news:1167786596.4...@v33g2000cwv.googlegroups.com:
>
>
>>>At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction.
>>>Although both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story
>>>"Choices" simply appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and
>>>were we to redo this duel another time, there's a good chance
>>>that it would have gone the other way.
>
>
> Congratulations, Antheros. And thanks to all three of you for providing
> these stories for our enjoyment. I've just read them both and enjoyed
> them very much.
>
Thank you Sagittaria, Serene, Evil Nigel, omn1vore, and to
everybody else for their kind comments.
Antheros
Hm, if there's enough interest, I'll sell them myself <g>
Alexis
Oh, but I'm a redhead.
And, I'm saying no more.
<blushblushblush>
Alexis.
vin...@vinnietesla.com
Is that like being all hat and no cattle?
Denny Wheeler
<anthero...@gmail.com> wrote:
> My pleasure, thank you very much! But I think I won because
>my story was more romantic than Vinnie's...
Yes, Alexis is known for how romantic her stories are.
<waits for someone to drop the other Adidas>
-Denny-
the curmudgeonly editor
--
"A tree is a tree - how many more do you need to look at?"
Ronald Reagan (When he was Governor of California)
Stasya T. Canine
<den...@TANSTAAFL.zipcon.net.INVALID> wrote:
>On Wed, 03 Jan 2007 18:44:42 +0100, Antheros
><anthero...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> My pleasure, thank you very much! But I think I won because
>>my story was more romantic than Vinnie's...
>
>Yes, Alexis is known for how romantic her stories are.
>
><waits for someone to drop the other Adidas>
>
Adidas makes mukluks?
And here I thought she was known for 'That redheaded passion few men dare to
meet fully.'
Silly me.
0mn1vore
(in message <engpd...@news2.newsguy.com>):
[...]
>
> The ending followed easily. If I had had more time, I'd have
> worked his speech much more carefully; it seems rushed to me the
> way it is. Mark should have been more seductive, I think. But there's
> only so much you can do in two and a half hours, the time it took me
> to write the story.
>
> It's interesting that nobody discussed the last scene. Did she
> believe in him? Did she just want him, and decided it was best not to
> know? Did she throw the ball again, and saw the future?
But I thought they agreed to get rid of it?
Casting the ball made a lot of noise the first time, so if she
did that I'd expect him to hear it, in the next room. No mention
of that.
Hmmm,
Serene
<anthero...@gmail.com> wrote:
>It's interesting that nobody discussed the last scene. Did she
>believe in him? Did she just want him, and decided it was best not to
>know? Did she throw the ball again, and saw the future?
That's why it's a great scene. The ambiguity is delicious.
cmsix
"Serene" <ser...@serenepages.org> wrote in message
news:2l1sp25jqs37mhgd5...@4ax.com...
Sorry for the dumb question, but is that quote from the muscian or the
author?
cmsix
Serene
wrote:
I think of her as a performance artist. I was privileged to get to
see her perform in September and then have dinner with her and a room
full of other people. Here's her website:
http://laurieanderson.com/home.html
Serene
--
"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.
cmsix
> On Fri, 05 Jan 2007 09:15:38 GMT, "cmsix" <cm...@storiesonline.org>
> wrote:
>
>>
>>"Serene" <ser...@serenepages.org> wrote in message
>>news:2l1sp25jqs37mhgd5...@4ax.com...
>>> On Wed, 03 Jan 2007 18:44:42 +0100, Antheros
>>> <anthero...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>>It's interesting that nobody discussed the last scene. Did she
>>>>believe in him? Did she just want him, and decided it was best not
>>>>to
>>>>know? Did she throw the ball again, and saw the future?
>>>
>>> That's why it's a great scene. The ambiguity is delicious.
>>>
>>> Serene
>>> --
>>> "I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten
>>> four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.
>>
>>Sorry for the dumb question, but is that quote from the muscian or
>>the
>>author?
>
> I think of her as a performance artist. I was privileged to get to
> see her perform in September and then have dinner with her and a
> room
> full of other people. Here's her website:
>
> http://laurieanderson.com/home.html
Ok, now I think I at least know who she is. Too bad her website is so
accesibility unfriendly. I can't read a word on it and it does not
like Opera at all. I'll have to remain ignorant I guess.
Well, I might not be able to do any better than remaining ignorant
anyway.
cmsix
Serene
wrote:
>Ok, now I think I at least know who she is. Too bad her website is so
>accesibility unfriendly. I can't read a word on it and it does not
>like Opera at all. I'll have to remain ignorant I guess.
I'll bet if you wrote to them they would improve the accessibility of
the site: webm...@laurieanderson.com
cmsix
> On Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:11:54 GMT, "cmsix" <cm...@storiesonline.org>
> wrote:
>
>>Ok, now I think I at least know who she is. Too bad her website is
>>so
>>accesibility unfriendly. I can't read a word on it and it does not
>>like Opera at all. I'll have to remain ignorant I guess.
>
> I'll bet if you wrote to them they would improve the accessibility
> of
> the site: webm...@laurieanderson.com
Maybe, but I hate to cause trouble or even act like I am for what I
think of as personal web sites. I didn't mind telling
dallascowboys.com what a bunch of turds they were until they did
something about it, but for me it's a lot harder to complain about a
site when I see the person's face, and I saw hers, even though it was
on google images search and another web site entirely.
I'll look at the author's site and see if it's better.
cmsix
Bette
cmsix wrote:
> "Serene" <ser...@serenepages.org> wrote in message
> news:an3tp2p9thu2bf6se...@4ax.com...
> > On Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:11:54 GMT, "cmsix" <cm...@storiesonline.org>
> > wrote:
> >
> >>Ok, now I think I at least know who she is. Too bad her website is
> >>so
> >>accesibility unfriendly. I can't read a word on it and it does not
> >>like Opera at all. I'll have to remain ignorant I guess.
> >
> > I'll bet if you wrote to them they would improve the accessibility
> > of
> > the site: webm...@laurieanderson.com
>
> Maybe, but I hate to cause trouble or even act like I am for what I
> think of as personal web sites. I didn't mind telling
> dallascowboys.com what a bunch of turds they were until they did
> something about it, but for me it's a lot harder to complain about a
> site when I see the person's face, and I saw hers, even though it was
> on google images search and another web site entirely.
>
> I'll look at the author's site and see if it's better.
>
> cmsix
The NY Yankees are trading Randy back to Arizona.
Perhaps, when he lets his hair grow LONG, he'll come
alive again.
Bette
Tesseract
...
> Teas
> Tease
> Tutees
> scimitar
> blush
> epiphany
> flamingo
> schadenfreude
> oracle
>
> And now, the stories:
>
> Vinnie gives us "Lesson One," in which Sybil and Stanley develop a
> seminar of sorts for some very lucky young men who, until now, were
> somewhat unschooled in the ways of pleasuring women.
>
> Vinnie used all nine of the words, and managed to do so seamlessly --
> in fact, I did searches for two of the words after reading the story,
> because I couldn't remember them being included. Frankly, his use of
> "oracle" is something of a cheat, or, more accurately, a work-around.
> Since I've been known to bend the rules myself on occasion (and been
> allowed to do so successfully), I'm merely going to give him a wink and
> a nod for it.
>
> There were some notable phrases and moments in this short story that
> are worth mentioning:
>
> "She kissed him gently on the cheek, patted his hair down into a
> semblance of order (too much would be as suspicious as too little on
> Stanley, she thought to herself),..." Nice attention to detail -- it's
> those little thoughts that give insight into a character (and, by
> extension, into the author). Also:
>
> "The worst part was between the arrival of the first and the second of
> Stanley's tutees. Small talk was unbearable, and discussion of what was
> planned impossible." I suspect that this one sentence completely sums
> up the true feelings of someone preparing to be part of a "group"
> encounter for the first time.
>
> There is one section of this story that I didn't care for -- without
> giving away too much (like I said, the story is worth a read), I found
> the encounter in Sybil's office cubicle to be unlikely enough as to be
> distracting to me, as a reader. When a story is written in a
> believable universe and there's little need for a suspension of
> disbelief on the reader's part, an unexpected moment of, "no, I don't
> really think so" is often enough to throw me out of the story
> completely. That particular section doesn't add much, overall, to the
> story and could be removed or highly edited, and would, in my opinion,
> make the story a stronger one.
>
> Vinnie's "Lesson One" appears to be a strong introduction to a longer
> story -- or perhaps to a series of short stories or vignettes -- and I
> think that he should be encouraged to continue writing it.
>
> Antheros wrote a completed short story, "Choices." Interestingly, it
> appears that his story was written around one of the words I provided
> rather than around an idea he already had marinating. In "Choices" the
> reader is presented with a familiar scenario -- the young college co-ed
> and the more adult and more experienced professor. Like Vinnie, he
> used all nine of the words and presented a well-proofed, finished
> piece. I'm not as comfortable with his use of the word
> "schadenfreude," and were I his editor for this story, I'd strongly
> suggest a different phrase. However, he was stuck with the word this
> time, and he managed to include it more or less accurately.
>
> The beginning of his piece is somewhat awkward -- there's a discussion
> of the co-ed's dissertation that seems rather vague (although given the
> three-hour time limit, that's to be understood and expected). However,
> there are also some very good passages in this piece. I believe the
> most telling is this:
>
> "The problem of an oracle, Mandy, is that it gives you an
> answer. And you have to find what exactly the question is."
>
> When it comes right down to it, a whole lot of life is like that, isn't
> it?
>
> Bottom line -- I'm strongly tempted to call this a tie. Both stories
> are well written, relatively well proofread (given the time
> constraints), and polished. Both authors took common themes and
> situations and handled them deftly; neither fell to cliche (as each
> could have, quite easily). Both stories have areas of weakness, but
> both could easily be 'fixed' with a few back-and-forth efforts with a
> good editor.
>
> At this point, I'm going to go with my initial, gut-reaction. Although
> both were strong, well-done stories, Antheros' story "Choices" simply
> appealed to me more. Not by a wide margin, and were we to redo this
> duel another time, there's a good chance that it would have gone the
> other way.
>
> So, thank you both for giving me the opportunity to be part of this
> duel. Congratulations to you both for what you've accomplished.
>
> Alexis.
Ah. Real life. You've got to love it. I finally had time to read both
entries last Thursday and was going to post my comments Friday but we
had a power failure (it wasn't that windy, at least not here). My
computer has a UPS but I still had to reboot to finish the short post I
was working on and something was still playing havoc with the system so
I gave up.
Now I hope to to have time to do justice to those stories.
One could judge these stories as finished products but that would be
wrong. How far should one look beyond what is to what could be? Typos
should be ignored, obviously, but how much of the story that is should
one ignore trying to see what could be? Some of us have better
imagination and are better able to see the potential of even a very
poorly executed story. Other of us couldn't imagine anything that is
not in front of us.
I thought both stories started off well though Antheros's meandered a
bit towards th end of the teahouse scene. A rewrite would probably
tighten that up a lot. Vinnie seemed to stay more on point during his
opening.
The middle was well executed in both. Alexis thought that Vinnie's
office scene threw her out of the story a bit, though I didn't have
that problem. And without it we wouldn't have that delightful passage
that Alexis quoted.
The most jarring typo in either story was when Antheros typed "Helen"
but was thinking "Amanda". At least I hope he was thinking Amanda,
otherwise I have totally misunderstood the story.
The endings of both stories seemed a bit rushed. Antheros gave much
less detailed descriptions than before though the story was brought to
a complete end. Vinnie's ending sex scene was a bit truncated and felt
less complete.
Antheros left some questions hanging, probably intentionally, the main
one being: Did Amanda use the oracle before coming back into the
kitchen? Besides the truncated ending scene, Vinnie's story also left
unanswered whether the lesson had the intended result but that would
probably have been left for a sequel in even the best circumstances.
I liked both authors' use of "schadenfreude" and thought it was used in
the proper spirit in both cases. See
http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2000/05/10.html
Of course I looked it up before reading either story.
Vinnie's use of "oracle" was a bit of a cop-out but I think well within
the rules. But Antheros used "scimitar" and "flamingo" in rather
pedestrian ways; I thought Vinnie used them much better.
Over all I liked both stories and I am going to exercise my prerogative
as a non-judge and not try to choose between them.
--
Tesseract
?reality
0mn1vore <0mn1-s...@sneakyMail.com> wrote:
The first file is as good as the last or any between. Just saying hi.
The VA doc had 101 questions yesterday for my annual about deppression.
Maebbe I shoulda said yes. No suicidal ideation on my part. I think I
should take up photography. It is the last beautiful thing on the
planet. Well, that and Bob Mould
Sagittaria
news:?reality-A99286...@news-server.tampabay.rr.com:
> Just saying
> hi. The VA doc had 101 questions yesterday for my annual about
> deppression. Maebbe I shoulda said yes. No suicidal ideation on my
> part. I think I should take up photography. It is the last
> beautiful thing on the planet. Well, that and Bob Mould
>
Good to see you back, Question!
--
---->Sagittaria<----
http://sagittaria.livejournal.com
"There is no remedy for love but to love more." - Henry David Thoreau