The Top 10 Cliches of alt.sex.stories
Elf Sternberg
In article <19961231085...@ladder01.news.aol.com>
drshi...@aol.com (DrShipherd) writes:
>OK, here's number 12:
>All attractive women are insatiably bisexual.
Collary to Cliche 12:
But all "bisexual" women really want a man. That's why two
women having sex with each other will instantly drop everything and
pay all their attention to the man who just walked in on their
scene. "Bisexuality" is a desperate attempt to get their rocks off,
but it won't work because what they really need is a penis. :-)
Elf !!!
Elf Sternberg Balkanize Usenet!
e...@halcyon.com
Public key available http://www.halcyon.com/elf/index.html
stasya
e...@halcyon.com (Elf Sternberg) wrote:
>In article <19961231085...@ladder01.news.aol.com>
> drshi...@aol.com (DrShipherd) writes:
>
>>OK, here's number 12:
>
>>All attractive women are insatiably bisexual.
>
>Collary to Cliche 12:
> But all "bisexual" women really want a man. That's why two
>women having sex with each other will instantly drop everything and
(response email and to assd)
I haven't seen the original yet (not unusual)
But if the following hasn't been added, it should be.
The endlessly humping dog that acts like a jackhammer for 20
minutes.
Or, the repeated assumption that it's the head of a dog's
penis that swells. (It's not. There are two flesshy bulb
at the *base* that swell and produce the knot.)
Or, in yet another classic, it is the bitch who clamps down
and lock a man into her. Sorry folks. It happens with
women but not bitches.
http://www.av.qnet.com/~stasya sta...@counsellor.com
(one web site for the alt.sex.bestiality FAQS and PIPS)
"This site is available for counseling and/or confession
sponsored by the Wiccan Church of Joplin, Circle of
Life Fellowship. All communications relating to religious
or moral questions are confidential and protected from
search and disclosure."
"An' it harm none, Do what thou will."
Name withheld by request
In article: <cbond-30129...@cust106.max28.seattle.wa.ms.uu.net>
cb...@earthlink.net (Carl Bond) wrote:
> In article <32C876...@netcom.com>, SalTerr <Salr...@netcom.com> wrote:
> > Modemac wrote:
> > >
> > > Feel free to add to this list.
> > >
> > > * * *
> > >
> > > 1. When a woman cums, she screams, "Oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm
> > > cuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmiiinnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!"
> > >
Deletions
> > >
> > > 10. Men and women always cum at the same time during sex.
>
> Here is a new addition.... Enjoy.
>
>
> 11. ALL females love to suck and have anal sex.
>
- When a woman first tastes cum, even if it is forced on her, she
immediately loves the taste.
- Virgins routinely have massive orgasms just after having their hymens
torn.
- Women really have the best (or full) orgasms only from phallic
intercourse.
- When a husband finds that his wife has been cheating on him, he is more
turned on than angry.
- When a woman finds that her husband wants to watch her fuck other men,
she thinks it a swell idea.
- When a baby-sitter, parent, etc. is attracted to a young girl, the girl
reciprocates.
- When one parent discovers that the other has been committing incest with
their kids, they applaud and join in.
- Or, in general - When one person wants some kind of non-standard sexual
behavior, everybody else agrees.
- High school (and Jr. High) girls want sex, but don't know where to get
it. (Come on, guys. *You* lusted after all those girls in HS. Do you
think that they didn't know that? Do you think that the present generation
isn't doing the same? Do you think that you are more impressive to a frosh
girl than the senior football hero?)
- A girl's first date leads to her first kiss before ending with her first
fuck.
- People who want sex don't have any obstacles. (One thing which is
delightful about Dulcinea's stories is that she so often works against this
cliche.) Parents go out of town for the weekend. When you want a matinee,
your opposite number doesn't have a business lunch scheduled. The
professor who is offered a sex slave for a passing grade doesn't fear
entrapment. Your kid doesn't call for a glass of water.
- Kids leave the doors to their rooms open while they masturbate. Parents
leave their doors open while they have sex.
- If a woman has intercourse during her fertile period, she will get
pregnant.
And Celeste's betes noires:
- All Blacks are extremely well hung.
- Incest with no ill effects.
- Men who know women's bra sizes from outside their dresses.
--
Uther Pendragon
anon...@nyx.cs.du.edu
Michael Crutcher
In article <5akpd0$6...@nyx.cs.du.edu>, anon...@nyx.cs.du.edu (Name
withheld by request) wrote:
Touché
Eli The Bearded
Name withheld by request <anon...@nyx.cs.du.edu> wrote:
>cb...@earthlink.net (Carl Bond) wrote:
>> In article <32C876...@netcom.com>, SalTerr <Salr...@netcom.com> wrote:
>> > Modemac wrote:
>> > > Feel free to add to this list.
Long list excised.
Maybe I should write some new stories. Just a few days ago someone
who found my old ones suggested I would be better suited to writing
horror. A fair number of them started from the observation that
all stories of on topic X follow these conventions, what would happen
if I broke those conventions?
<URL:http://www.netusa.net/~eli/writings.html#ero>
Androgenous is about a man changing his daughter into a son. I noticed
there are a lot of stories about little boys being turned into little
girls and thought this was unfair. I got a little out of hand with this
one. I tried to create characters that would want to do this to a child
and I created a monster in the process.
Crying Baby is one I am quite proud of and I don't think will fit in
with the typical a.s.s drivel or or any of the other a.s.s stuff for
that matter. I was trying to save the genre of cannibalistic erotica
from it's current fate.
I personally think the typical male interest in lesbians is weird. So
when someone asked me what I could do with same sex scenarios, the
ff story I wrote was written to be erotic and horrifying -- Teacher's
Pet.
Some other notable breaking down walls stories are the Psycho Clam
series (bestiality from the point of view of a clam), Coerce in which
I add a new chapter to a cliched story I found here, Stench O' Lust
(my take on the title Smell of Lust, a very bad erotic series),
Knob in which I prove I can write erotica with a doorknob as the
protagonist, and Eli-Special where I decide to begin the story after
the sex for the day has ended.
Elijah
------
cliches exist to be fucked with