Not an FR.. just rambling...
Speeding
musing... based on what I saw last Friday and eariler, in field. (and
as always.. long winded)
Mostly I've been working on watching and observing and even
experimenting with body language. Not so much voice or eye
contract... because I keep forgetting to actively concentrate on it.
I need to work on gettting actively thinking about it... so that I
can move to doing it naturally too. But, I've really been watching
body movements, angles, eye glances, and such stuff.
Kino. What I've seen so far tells me that kino is a major key in
building comfort. You can build without it, but just a small touch
and it makes comfort and rapport building efforts anywhere from 25 to
75% easier. And more touching builds and amplifies this as much as
ten fold. I've noticed that the open palm on the back... that's like
adding rocket fuel to the engine... it seriously makes women go into
a sexual mode. Or, at least it opens them wide up and completely
removes any shield or blocks they have in place otherwise.
BUT... there's a dark side to kino. It's like a sharp poison knife.
You can do some serious damage... but if you don't handle it very
carefully when you first get ready to use it.. it can kill you.
There's an invisible, unspoken, secret signal that let's you move to
kino. If you try kino before you get this signal... it's over. Walk
away. If you lean in to a gal's personal space before she's ready...
it COMPLETELY weirds her out.
*FORGET* any bullshit you've heard about sexual aggresivness or
whatnot. If you want to see a gal get the "WHAT THE HELL!!!" look in
her eyes... just walk over to her and touch her for more than a
quarter second anywhere other than her forearm as you try to open
her. The forearm touch can be a great way to start kino. Forearms
seem to be "okay"... more or less neutral area. But a touch or a hand
or arm on her shoulder... that's not something you can do until you
get the signal. Ditto for the hand on the back.. but you can use that
pre-signal, if you are "guiding" her as she's walking somewhere, if
you'e opened. I think it's because you are walking... it's a
chivalry/protection thing. Goes over great.
Now... what's the signal? How long does it take to get it? I can't
say I can really describe it with words. If you see it and look for
it... you'll know it. It's like glances. Until you see it... you
won't know what to look for. But once you have seen it once.. you
know just what to look for to spot it. But, a strong signal I have
noticed is the lean in. If she leans in to you... while you are
leaning back... that's an opening signal. She's telling you she wants
you closer. And thus, kino is a great reward for that. Just a small
touch on her arm, for example.
Now... this is all group-wise. I've not done much in the way of real
isolation. But, my thinking, from what little I've seen, is that once
you isolate, kino can be ramped up... but again, only after the
signal. But, by then, you should already be able to have made a small
kino... a arm touch or such.
One more detail... kino is ALWAYS somethign you escallate. You can't
just jump straight to putting your arm around her. Not normally. It's
just weird. It's forced. And forced kino is not normal. Good kino is
a natural flow... from lighter to heavier. Of course, you're really
heavy kino should probably be done out of public view. I think most
cities have laws against it. ;-)
Leaning and angles. It's related to kino, as I mentioned. Angles of
approach really do matter. A straight in movement is likely going to
cause a defensive feeling to fire. Think about this... it makes
sense. If you go straight up, shoulders square, to another guy..
you're almost expecting a fight. women aren't different. Just a
slight turning of your shoulders... and hips... changes that reaction
completely. It leaves an excape avenue. Your approach should make it
as much open for you to flee as for your target or group. Otherwise,
you look like you're trying to block them in.
And you might want to lean back a bit. Keep your weight on your rear
leg... on the forward leg... keep your shoulders turned outside, like
you are pointing away from the target. I've even noticed the tilt of
my head makes a difference... a tilt being a bit more open than
straight up. now.. I don't mean slouching, here. Head should be up,
shoulders relaxed, spine straight... but turned slightly... like you
are studying them. Not quite sure of their intentions and ready to
move away.
They often mirror this. Even if they are pointed like 60 degrees
away.. they will turn in... but only to about a 20 or 30 angle. Same
as yours. But, as you talk and work on opening some rapport and
comfort... that's when that turn happens. They'll turn just a
little... in to you. Or lean forward. You mirror that after a
moment... and they will turn again. Or... sometimes, I can make that
change, casually, like I'm leaning in to hear... or even just
shifting weight or a fidget type move (not fidgeting... just a
movement that would be otherwise a fidget if you were doing it) and
they will mirror my movement... and lean in and square to me a bit.
I mentioned shoulders... relaxing and squaring... I also should
mention shifting/angling. Normally, I keep them level. But, I've
noticed that if I raise the left shoulder... it's an "opener" stance.
The right is a closer. I'm a righty. I don't know if that has an
effect. I also know that emotions are a left-side brain thing.
Anyways... just shifting the angle of my shoulders seems to have a
minor effect on changing the opening and reactiveness while I'm
working in set or on a target.
Slouching... yep... slouching. I noticed Friday there is a "right
way" and "wrong way" to slouch. I don't mean so much the bending of
your spine kind... but more the leaning/relaxing on a chair, wall,
table, desk, etc... If you lean back on a wall... full back... again,
squared to the wall... it give a very aggressive or upset kind of
look. But, leaning sideways is a very open look. (actually, I was
told at one point by my wing that it looked kinda gay. And I rarely
have that kind of look... so I figure it's powerful) Leaning forward
on a chair or desk or such.. same thing...
Even bending my legs seems to give off an open or closed stance look.
Ditto for arms. It's pretty easy to figure out crossed arms looks
closed. But even where I held my elbows made a difference. Moving my
elbow so it was more inside my body line was more closed than if it
was outside slightly. I could, when leaning on something on my arm...
I could point my elbow to lean in and open up... or lean out and
close off.
Now... you might find things working differently for you. Everyone's
a bit different. And paying attention to all the various things can
be a real mental charge. But, it does pay off to get a feel for how
your body and stance can be useful in how you open and communicate.
It seems to have a huge role in how things work. With something like
80% of communication being non-verbal... I'd say, in my experience so
far.. this is about 30ish percent of all communication.
--
You could be a Cylon and not even know it...
chocola...@aol.com
> Mostly I've been working on watching and observing and even
> experimenting with body language.....
>I also know that emotions are a left-side brain thing....
Interesting post Speeding, as ever..I've noticed that when a guy
fancies me he looks to his left just before he makes eye-contact
(apparently all guys do it)...of course that means that I've noticed
him first, but I get a kick out of looking for it..:)
Peanut
Speeding
To his left? Left and up... left and down.. or just left? I'll have to
watch this.. and watch myself for it too!!
Thanks much!!!!
chocola...@aol.com
> >>I also know that emotions are a left-side brain thing....
> > Interesting post Speeding, as ever..I've noticed that when a guy
> > fancies me he looks to his left just before he makes eye-contact
> > (apparently all guys do it)...of course that means that I've noticed
> > him first, but I get a kick out of looking for it..:)
> To his left? Left and up... left and down.. or just left? I'll have to
> watch this.. and watch myself for it too!!
Because I look for it, it seems like it's in slow motion and it
appears to be a straight head look to the left and back again, as if
he is actually looking at something over there but isn't, because it
would be too fast to take anything in! It's just a split second, and
looks like nothing, but I know different. It gives me the edge I
suppose, because I can see into his mind...:)
Peanut
Speeding
Yes. That's an auditory access, if I recall. Perhaps recalling what he's
going to say to you. Somethign I have to be very careful about, then,
because I want to keep straight line contact, if I can.
Thanks much!!