Just friends or what?
Derek Gibson
I've been thinking too much about a relationship or non-relationship with
a women I've known for the past 7 months. No doubt I've driven my friends
crazy. What I really want to know is if I should just give up on her and
move on.
When I first met her things went fast. On on our second date we lip
locked on the dance floor. A few days later she wanted to take things
slower. The next month and a half we went out a few times but she said
the're not dates. I thought we were drifting apart and had made the
decision that if she didn't call me back, that was it. Before Christmas
I started seeing her again. (She did phone back) Just before she left for
the holidays I got a hug and a kiss from her. After Christmas we got
together, went dancing and on the way home she invited me to sleep with
her (no sex, though) When we first laid down together she said couldn't
stop smiling :) Neither could I. She said later she hoped she wasn't
leading me on. We drifted apart a little after to the point where I was
interested in several others. However in the past month we again became
closer spent much more time together than we ever have. She blew me away
once by saying that she wanted to rent from me once my roomate moves
away. I was a little hesistant. Okay, very hesitant:) She said the next
day that she wished
she hadn't said it and apologized. We haven't talked about it to each
other since. Anyways a week ago she apologized for giving me mixed signals.
I said to her I know you don't want a relationship, and apologized for
the mixed signals I gave her. (Believe it or not she's not the only one
that has been hesitant here)
This woman has had a troubled background. She hasn't been in a
relationship for over three years by choice. She has been hurt many times
before. She said I am so different from any guy she has known. I'm the
first real nice guy she has been out with. (Uh, oh kiss of death) She
has called me a good friend, has shared secrets with me that she has only
told her best friend. She says she feels very comfortable around me, that
I'm a good role model for her daughter(her daughter adores me)
I know I've really condensed the past few months in writing here but I
don't want to bore anybody for too long. Has anyone had similiar
experiences? Overall this has been a good experience for me. Being with
a person who wants to take things slow has taught me the importance of
getting to know someone as a friend, and seeing that my feelings of
wanting to rush in were also partly escape behaviours.
Thanks for taking the time to read,
Derek
Milt
On 19 May 1997, Derek Gibson wrote:
:I've been thinking too much about a relationship or non-relationship with
I'm a male version of her, so I can tell you right now, stay with her, and
have patience, IF you truly love this woman. (It's hard to tell whether
you do or not-- that may be part of the problem.)
I am a nice guy, with a son, whom I've raised since he was 8 months old.
(He is now 7) I, too, have remained outside of a relationship for most of
the last 6 years. I have tried a couple of times, but it's difficult,
because you're trying to balance so many things. Believe me; it's better
at this point that you're a nice guy, and that is anything but a kiss of
death. Right now, she needs a friend n=more than a lover. Keep in mind; if
she's a single parent, some other "nice guy", whom she thought she could
trust as a friend, probably did her wrong, either for real or in her mind.
She is trying to trust you, and it's hard.
:
:I know I've really condensed the past few months in writing here but I
:don't want to bore anybody for too long. Has anyone had similiar
:experiences? Overall this has been a good experience for me. Being with
:a person who wants to take things slow has taught me the importance of
:getting to know someone as a friend, and seeing that my feelings of
:wanting to rush in were also partly escape behaviours.
:
The most important part of any relationship is friendship. Romantic love
inevitably fades, and comes back, as times and circumstances change, and
as emotions develop. Friendship is what have kept my parents together for
40 years, and partnership is also there as well. If you truly love this
woman, you can wait for her as long as it takes. If you don't, then just
be friends, and enjoy that. But always keep in mind that she needs to
trust again, no matter what level that is on...
:Thanks for taking the time to read,
:Derek
:
You seem like a good man, Derek. Good luck to you, Buddy...
--Milt
Anonymous, but good intentions
By now, I think you'd know if she wanted to get in a relationship with
you because she would have sent you clear signals. She seems confused
and confusing to be around.
In the future, assuming you want to have a relationship w/her, try
asking her out on dates (dinner + movie), nothing else. Make it clear
you see her in a romantic light and as more than a friend. See how she
responds to that.
Greg Law
CUPID 1pt0 wrote in article <19970522142...@ladder02.news.aol.com>
...
>My rules sound tailor-made for your situation.
>
>I'd suggest you stop talking to her altogether and pursue other women.
>Doing this will probably drive her directly into your arms. After she
>begs you for a while to talk to her, tell her you have decided you want
>all of her or none of her, and hold your ground.
Oh gee Mr. Sage, Wise Advice, just how is it one so bright and brilliant
can write something so utterly stupid? You still getting your lessons in
romance from the local whore house?