I gotta get this off my chest...
Satch
> I suppose that I'm going to offend a bunch of people (both men and women),
> but I just have to get something off my chest. I want to start out with a
> simple, but often asked question. Here goes:
>
> "Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
> guys?"
Marc, you need to talk to your ISP about how to cross-post a single message
to multiple newsgroups instead of multi-posting your messages. That means
that instead of putting up the *same* message in multiple groups, you put
up *one* message and specify multiple newsgroups in the Newsgroups: line.
I saw this in soc.singles.
Then again, we already have a long-running thread talking about this very
topic already going in alt.romance. You may want to catch up with that
thread.
--
Satch, testing modems since 1984, ARPAnet/Internet since 1972.
"Shoulder to Shoulder...Heart to Heart...Satchell to Paige!"
-- Firesign Theatre
mar...@my-dejanews.com
but I just have to get something off my chest. I want to start out with a
simple, but often asked question. Here goes:
"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
guys?"
Yes, there is a little bit of buckshot in that question, and I would think
that nice attracts and jerky behavior repels. But, from my point of view,
just the opposite happens!
Now, I'm sure that many reading this are thinking that I'm an eggo-centric
jerk. On the contrary, I'm probably one of the most humble people you'll ever
talk to. What is my opinion about women and relationships? Well, I believe
that a relationship between a man and woman (that is, the romantic type)
should be based on friendship, love, and Christ (I'm a Christian). I think
that love toward one another goes far beyond the bedroom. I think that making
love to one another is VERY important in marriage, but it's certainly not the
only thing. Going out to dinner with romantic candlelight is very nice, but,
this isn't the only thing either. I think that if a woman and man love each
other, they can show love to one another in just every day things. For
example, making out is seen as romantic. Making out bills is not seen to be
all that romantic. But, I think that it could be. Just being there to help
out each other could be a joy in and of itself. Going on walks together for
no good reason, and talking about what went wrong in the day, what went
right, and just knowing that you actually have this other person who really
gives a darn about you, no matter what you say to her. I don't think it's
right to just use somebody for her body, as a means to pleasure myself. I'm
always thinking of what I could GIVE to her to make her happy. Ladies, if you
think that it's nice to receive flowers from a guy, I have to tell you, just
looking into a girl's eyes and seeing her ENTIRE face light up after she gets
the flowers is quite rewarding to the giver.
This being all said, I guess that I've got it all wrong. Just the other day,
one of my friends (who just started divorce proceedings with his wife of two
years, not to mention he has a child that will be without him as well) came
over to my apartment. Guess what? Just one month ago his divorce STARTED (in
our state, we have a six month waiting period until the divorce if final),
and he came into my apartment with a girlfriend! The guy did drugs while his
wife was pregnant, just got out of alcoholic treatment, and thinks girls are
good for nothing other than sex. As I recall, while we were playing the game
"Tomb Raider" in which the main character is a kind of female "Indiana
Jones",when he couldn't get the character to do what he wanted, he yelled out
in front of everybody (including his daughter), "Common! Run you STUPID
CUNT!". That tells it all for me. But yet, this guy's history has girls all
over it. He's been in relationships all over the place, and now with his
divorce just starting, he's already got another girl.
My simple question is, WHAT IS WITH WOMEN?????? Why do you girls go for this
kind of jerk??? Look at the President. Now, that's the biggest jerk I've
seen, and he's got women dripping off of him. I guess he has a "love child"
of 13 years. And women are just standing in line waiting to go down on this
guy. Now, I know that all women don't go for jerks, but it seems to me that
quite a few do. I see how some guys treat their girlfriends. I would NEVER do
that!!! I have respect for PEOPLE (and the guys that these girls go for don't
seem to realize that women ARE people...imagine that!). But yet, I'm very
lonely. I have many friends that are women, and they are some of my very best
friends. I can be myself in front of them. They listen, and are kind. But no
one seems to even like to think of going for someone like me (which tends to
cause an extremely LOW self-image...but, oh well...). I'm 26, and in
accordance with my Lord's Will, I have opted to wait until I get married to
make love to a woman. Yes, this sounds stupid. But, hey! It's me! Sex isn't
dirty. It's beautiful! It's just that I want to do it in a committed, loving,
friendship called marriage. I'm not going out on the corner proposing to
every woman I see. As a matter of fact, I want to do things right, and so
perhaps I'm taking stuff too slowly. But, hey...I'm a turtle. I DO move
slowly, because I want to make sure it's right.
Anyway, if any of you have actually read this far into this whole rant, I'm
thankful. I welcome any and all comments, flames, etc. Especially from girls.
I have an inquiring mind. I want to know!
--
Marc
God is Good!
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
Rudy
topics on this newsgroup. You are correct....women love jerks. So unless you
are willing to modify your behavior and views about women (i.e., stop being
a nice guy), you're going to be lonely for a long time as you watch the
jerks get all the women. Keep reading..........
Rudy
mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote in message <76pm4c$5ua$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
enialle
such:
|On Mon, 04 Jan 1999 06:12:28 GMT, mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
|
|>"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
|>guys?"
|
|usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
I say what he wants to hear. Because your ugly and short and bald.
Happy now?
mar...@my-dejanews.com
OK....I don't think that I'm ready for Rogain yet :-). But, in case you would
all like to take a look at me, I'll let you guys be the judge. Am I short,
fat, and ugly? IBM presents: YOU MAKE THE CALL! I welcome any and all
comments. View me, if you dare, at:
http://www.kearney.net/~mhoffman/info.html
--
Marc R. Hoffman--
www.kearney.net/~mhoffman
www.lopernet.net/marc
Sally Heartmade
We want to see your eyes, ok?
mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
--
Sally Heartmade
http://homepages.infoseek.com/~7399sheart.html
http://members.wbs.net/homepages/7/3/9/7399sheart.html
John Royer
Hugh Grant
mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
> "Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
> guys?"
>
Maybe it's because they are sick of "nice guys" posting the same whiney
message over and over again in alt.romance. I've seen this message, in
various incarnations, about a dozen times.
> Now, I'm sure that many reading this are thinking that I'm an eggo-centric
> jerk.
I think you're waffling on the issue.
On the contrary, I'm probably one of the most humble people you'll ever
> talk to.
Would a truly humble person boast about their humility?
Hugh
Anthony Palmer
> On Mon, 04 Jan 1999 06:12:28 GMT, mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> >"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
> >guys?"
>
> usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
---> Ummm, Rauni, instead of flaming people, why don't you try and offer
the person a SOLUTION? I specifically challenged you to back up your
words in a recent post, and I received no reply. It seems like all you
want to do is complain and criticize without offering any solutions or at
least explaining why you feel the way you do. Therefore, I do not take
you or what you have to say seriously, and I hope the original poster of
this message doesn't take you seriously either.
-Anthony Palmer
enialle
<she...@ex-pressnet.com> said with such:
|You are wearing huge sunshades, no?
|We want to see your eyes, ok?
|
|mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
|
|> In article <3691e330...@cnews.newsguy.com>,
|> ohw...@greenheart.com wrote:
|> > On Mon, 04 Jan 1999 07:03:01 GMT, jen...@newsguy.com (Rauni) said with
|> > such:
|> > |
|> > |>"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
|> > |>guys?"
|> > |
|> > |Suck eggs and go away I am tired of losers whining. Descent guys
|> > |usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
|> >
|> >
|> > Happy now?
|> >
|> >
|>
|> all like to take a look at me, I'll let you guys be the judge. Am I short,
|> fat, and ugly? IBM presents: YOU MAKE THE CALL! I welcome any and all
|> comments. View me, if you dare, at:
|>
|> http://www.kearney.net/~mhoffman/info.html
|>
|> --
So sue me :-)
enialle
such:
|In article <3691e330...@cnews.newsguy.com>,
| ohw...@greenheart.com wrote:
|> On Mon, 04 Jan 1999 07:03:01 GMT, jen...@newsguy.com (Rauni) said with
|> such:
|> |On Mon, 04 Jan 1999 06:12:28 GMT, mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
|> |
|> |>"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
|> |>guys?"
|> |
|> |Suck eggs and go away I am tired of losers whining. Descent guys
|> |usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
|>
|> I say what he wants to hear. Because your ugly and short and bald.
|>
|> Happy now?
|>
|>
|
|OK....I don't think that I'm ready for Rogain yet :-). But, in case you would
|all like to take a look at me, I'll let you guys be the judge. Am I short,
|fat, and ugly? IBM presents: YOU MAKE THE CALL! I welcome any and all
|comments. View me, if you dare, at:
|
|http://www.kearney.net/~mhoffman/info.html
All I can say is you've been PROVEn ME WRONG
Damn, you are a babe.....
The Reverend Coyote Moon
From the desk of the Reverend Coyote Moon, High Priest of Dionysus...
Actually, Rauni, he made his point very, very clear.
He's looking for the right woman for him. He's not looking for someone
who's out for a good time. He's not looking for a ten-minute thrill. He's
looking for a life partner. Which would preclude, I'm assuming, someone
who fails to be understanding enough to read past the first three lines of
his posting.
Wiggling one finger,
The Good Reverend
(who spent New Year's Eve at a hotel in Seattle and woke up in the hotel
room next to a five-foot tall plastic "wooden" Indian in bed next to him.
No clue how it got there.)
Courageous
> > usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
>
> the person a SOLUTION?
Okay. Here's a solution. Swing Dancing class, twice a week,
from now to eternity.
C/
Mpoconnor7
>seen, and he's got women dripping off of him. I guess he has a "love child"
>of 13 years. And women are just standing in line waiting to go down on this
>guy.
Clinton is a classic case of a 'dangerman' who fooled around on his wife
throughout his marriage (with numerous women) and when it first came up in the
press (Gennifer Flowers) he OPENLY LIED about it on "60 Minutes" and after
getting reelected a second time finally admitted to it like it was no big
thing.
Then came the Paula Jones incident; once again he claimed it was a bunch of
lies and this was once again a 'witch hunt' by the Republicans to soil his
lily-white reputation. Of course in the Civil Suit the Monica situation became
public (and I seriously doubt she was the ONLY woman Clinton fooled around with
in the White House; one other who allegedly did him died a mysterious death
shortly before she was gonna go public; I guess any others got the message loud
and clear) and once again this was another 'conspiracy' to tear down Clinton.
Once again Clinton got in front of the cameras and OPENLY LIED about his
affair, and then he testified to the Jones Civil Suit and OPENLY LIED again; it
took the 40 million dollar Starr Report to prove that the affair did indeed
happen.
And how does Clinton reply to this; he says that Oral Sex is not Sexual
Relations. To a Dangerman, cheating on a wife or a girlfriend is not a very
big thing but I'm sure he bragged about it to his buddies as Dangermen do.
The thing that really galls me about this is that the Feminist groups still
support this piece of garbage; to me it is like the women who date "Dangermen"
and when they cheat on them these women only love their man more.
And since Clinton has admitted to this 'affair' with Monica, I haven't seen him
doing a damn thing to try to rehabilitate himself; deinal is a common thread in
Dangermen. I haven't seen him attending any "Sex Addiction" help groups. I
haven't seen him and Hillary attending marriage counseling sessions with a
trained psychologist.
And don't start telling me that I'm against Clinton solely because he is a
Democrat; if Reagan or Bush had fooled around in the White House and OPENLY
LIED about it both to the American public and a Grand Jury (to get out of a sex
harassment civil suit against another woman), I would say run his ass out on a
rail. I never voted for Clinton; to me he is nothing more than your garden
variety used car dealer who is adept at telling lies in order to get people to
buy what he's selling, whether it be cars or sex or votes.
And I don't want to hear that the current state of the economy is due to
Clinton; any thinking person knows that Alan Greenspan has a LOT more influence
on the economy than Bill Clinton.
Watching the Impeachment hearings (and especially the Democratic Congressmen
meeting with Clinton on the White House lawn) I felt so ashamed to be an
American. I felt so bad that so many people condone what he has done; that
fooling around on your wife and lying about it (then having it proven by forty
million of our tax dollars that he did indeed have an affair) was not such a
big thing. Have our standards slipped that far? Ot is it just the Dangermen
(and the women who love them) getting validation for their behavior thru
Clinton.
I wonder how many meals for poor and homeless people forty million dollars
would have bought?
As to the argument that "Clinton's personal affairs are his business"; I
disagree. He did it in a house that my tax dollars pay for. If the CEO of any
major company had lied to a grand jury (regardless of the subject matter); he'd
be in jail for perjury. Why should the President be held to a higher standard?
To me the very worst part of this Monica incident is that now my seven year old
nephew knows what Oral Sex is. I guess these days instead of little kids
playing "Doctor" or "Post Office" they're playing "Bill and Minica".
So Dangermen out there (and lovers of Dangermen), I hope you are proud of what
your ideals have wrought on the American public.
If I weren't worried about the Secret Service busting down my door, I'd like to
send Clinton a one-way airline ticket from Washington to Dallas.
Mpoconnor7
>but I just have to get something off my chest. I want to start out with a
>simple, but often asked question. Here goes:
>
>nice
>guys?"
This is the single most-discussed topic on this newsgroup, day-in day-out.
>
>Yes, there is a little bit of buckshot in that question, and I would think
>that nice attracts and jerky behavior repels. But, from my point of view,
>just the opposite happens!
>
>Now, I'm sure that many reading this are thinking that I'm an eggo-centric
>jerk.
I don't think you're an egocentric jerk, but it is clear you treat women with
way too much respect.
(snippage occured)
>This being all said, I guess that I've got it all wrong. Just the other day,
>one of my friends (who just started divorce proceedings with his wife of two
>years, not to mention he has a child that will be without him as well) came
>over to my apartment. Guess what? Just one month ago his divorce STARTED (in
>our state, we have a six month waiting period until the divorce if final),
>and he came into my apartment with a girlfriend! The guy did drugs while his
>wife was pregnant, just got out of alcoholic treatment, and thinks girls are
>good for nothing other than sex.
Guys who treat women this way are much more successful with women than men who
treat women like gold. Why is this? My theory is that women prefer men they
think they can manipulate...I mean change. Any woman who is naive and stupid
enough to think she can 'change' an addictive/verbally abusive/ philanderer and
winds up getting burned gets no sympathy from me. Caveat Emptor; let the buyer
beware.
As I recall, while we were playing the game
>"Tomb Raider" in which the main character is a kind of female "Indiana
>Jones",when he couldn't get the character to do what he wanted, he yelled out
>in front of everybody (including his daughter), "Common! Run you STUPID
>CUNT!".
The really sad part is that his daughter is gonna grow up thinking that this is
how men are SUPPOSED to treat women. Unless she gets treatment (or her father
sees the error of his ways-fat chance of that because his attitude gets him
women out the wazoo), she'll probably get involved with one loser after
another.
That tells it all for me. But yet, this guy's history has girls all
>over it. He's been in relationships all over the place, and now with his
>divorce just starting, he's already got another girl.
>
My money says he will probably con some other woman into marrying him because
she feels sorry for him; the only thing holding up the wedding date is for the
divorce to become final.
(Snippage occured concerning our President; said snippage was dealt with in a
seperate post)
Now, I know that all women don't go for jerks, but it seems to me that
>quite a few do. I see how some guys treat their girlfriends. I would NEVER do
>that!!! I have respect for PEOPLE (and the guys that these girls go for don't
>seem to realize that women ARE people...imagine that!).
To guys like these women aren't people; their notches on a belt. Men like this
treat women as though they are disposible because they know they can always get
another one so easily.
But yet, I'm very
>lonely. I have many friends that are women, and they are some of my very best
>friends. I can be myself in front of them. They listen, and are kind. But no
>one seems to even like to think of going for someone like me (which tends to
>cause an extremely LOW self-image...but, oh well...). I'm 26, and in
>accordance with my Lord's Will, I have opted to wait until I get married to
>make love to a woman.
You better be prepared for a life of celibacy.
Yes, this sounds stupid. But, hey! It's me! Sex isn't
>dirty. It's beautiful! It's just that I want to do it in a committed, loving,
>friendship called marriage. I'm not going out on the corner proposing to
>every woman I see. As a matter of fact, I want to do things right, and so
>perhaps I'm taking stuff too slowly. But, hey...I'm a turtle. I DO move
>slowly, because I want to make sure it's right.
>
>Anyway, if any of you have actually read this far into this whole rant, I'm
>thankful. I welcome any and all comments, flames, etc. Especially from girls.
>I have an inquiring mind. I want to know!
I feel for you, but the basic fact is that many women tend to go for men who
drive flashy cars way too fast under the influence of alcohol; men who won't
hesitate to dump them (these kind of guys refer to this as "Trading Up") the
moment another sucker-woman comes along.
And as for these women "Friends" (who I'm sure tell you what a "Nice Guy" you
are, and how you're so "Sweet", and how you'll find somebody (else) if you just
keep looking); these women are doing you no good. It doesn't pay to hang
around with people who harm your self esteem, whether it be drug addicts or
alcoholics or women who use you. And these women ARE using you; they're
trading in on your good nature for their own benefit.
They won't hesitate to tell you how their boyfriend is a piece of dirt, and how
they'd love to meet a "Nice Guy", and you let them cry on your shoulder. And
you fix their car when it breaks down because there isn't a "Real Man" to do it
for her.
Let me ask you a question: what are you getting out of this? Nothing but pain
and a low self-esteem. Doesn't sound like a fair deal to me.
You sound like a decent fellow but letting women walk all over you like this is
simply not healthy.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to your Preist or Minister or whoever
about your feelings.
enialle
<hgr...@cc.umanitoba.ca> said with such:
|
|
|mar...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
|> "Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
|> guys?"
|>
|message over and over again in alt.romance. I've seen this message, in
|various incarnations, about a dozen times.
|
|> jerk.
|
|
|On the contrary, I'm probably one of the most humble people you'll ever
|> talk to.
|
| Would a truly humble person boast about their humility?
|
Sorta like jumbo shrimp and military intelligence.
enialle
<al...@acpub.duke.edu> said with such:
|On Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Rauni wrote:
|
|>
|> >"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead of nice
|> >guys?"
|>
|> usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
|
|
|
|---> Ummm, Rauni, instead of flaming people, why don't you try and offer
|words in a recent post, and I received no reply. It seems like all you
|want to do is complain and criticize without offering any solutions or at
|least explaining why you feel the way you do. Therefore, I do not take
|you or what you have to say seriously, and I hope the original poster of
|this message doesn't take you seriously either.
|
mar...@my-dejanews.com
> playing "Doctor" or "Post Office" they're playing "Bill and Minica".
> So Dangermen out there (and lovers of Dangermen), I hope you are proud of what
> your ideals have wrought on the American public.
> If I weren't worried about the Secret Service busting down my door, I'd like to
> send Clinton a one-way airline ticket from Washington to Dallas.
>
>
MEGA DITTOS!!!! I AGREE 100%!
Shawn T. Pickrell
Hugh Grant wrote:
> Maybe it's because they are sick of "nice guys" posting the same whiney
> message over and over again in alt.romance. I've seen this message, in
> various incarnations, about a dozen times.
Only a dozen?!? Indeed, you are new here.
> Would a truly humble person boast about their humility?
Hrm. Good point there, Hugh.
Shawn Pickrell
Shawn T. Pickrell
>
> On Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Rauni wrote:
> >
> > Suck eggs and go away I am tired of losers whining. Descent guys
> > usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
Of course. This is Rauni's advice, yet more tired PLATITUDES. Even a few
insults thrown in for good measure.
Notice that the key word is "usually." Even Rauni admits that there are
those unlucky in love for no good reason.
Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
being asked out on one?!?
Shawn Pickrell
> ---> Ummm, Rauni, instead of flaming people, why don't you try and offer
> the person a SOLUTION? I specifically challenged you to back up your
> words in a recent post, and I received no reply. It seems like all you
> want to do is complain and criticize without offering any solutions or at
> least explaining why you feel the way you do. Therefore, I do not take
> you or what you have to say seriously, and I hope the original poster of
> this message doesn't take you seriously either.
>
> -Anthony Palmer
Shawn T. Pickrell
approval ratings will exceed 90%.
Shawn Pickrell
Shawn T. Pickrell
a plus!
However, I've found that Christian ladies who really walk the walk and
talk the talk are few and far between, and are usually taken pretty
quickly. It seems he wants one of those.
Marc, hang out around college church groups if at all possible. That
tends to be when these women meet the men they marry, if experience is
any guide.
Shawn Pickrell
enialle
such:
Please get this thing off his chest, it looks heavy!
enialle
<spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
|Anthony Palmer wrote:
|>
|> On Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Rauni wrote:
|> >
|> > Suck eggs and go away I am tired of losers whining. Descent guys
|> > usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
|
|Of course. This is Rauni's advice, yet more tired PLATITUDES. Even a few
|insults thrown in for good measure.
|
|Notice that the key word is "usually." Even Rauni admits that there are
|those unlucky in love for no good reason.
|
|Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
|people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
|being asked out on one?!?
Empathy in numbers? A coalition of wannabe men looking for love in the
wrong places? A support network for whoa is mes??
No thanks, I gave at the office.
Aaron R Kulkis
>
> On Tue, 05 Jan 1999 05:53:05 GMT, "Shawn T. Pickrell"
> <spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
> |Anthony Palmer wrote:
> |>
> |> On Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Rauni wrote:
> |> >
> |> > Suck eggs and go away I am tired of losers whining. Descent guys
> |> > usually get girls!! This is a high school complaint
> |
> |Of course. This is Rauni's advice, yet more tired PLATITUDES. Even a few
> |insults thrown in for good measure.
> |
> |Notice that the key word is "usually." Even Rauni admits that there are
> |those unlucky in love for no good reason.
> |
> |Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
> |people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
> |being asked out on one?!?
>
> Empathy in numbers? A coalition of wannabe men looking for love in the
> wrong places?
Yeah, but when I tell men where the RIGHT place is, I get flamed.
So, it seems to me that there is some other agenda going on.
> A support network for whoa is mes??
>
> No thanks, I gave at the office.
>
> |
> |Shawn Pickrell
> |
> |> ---> Ummm, Rauni, instead of flaming people, why don't you try and offer
> |> the person a SOLUTION? I specifically challenged you to back up your
> |> words in a recent post, and I received no reply. It seems like all you
> |> want to do is complain and criticize without offering any solutions or at
> |> least explaining why you feel the way you do. Therefore, I do not take
> |> you or what you have to say seriously, and I hope the original poster of
> |> this message doesn't take you seriously either.
> |>
> |> -Anthony Palmer
--
Aaron R. Kulkis
Unix Systems Engineer
ICQ # 3056642
spic...@rma.edu
ohw...@greenheart.com wrote:
> On Tue, 05 Jan 1999 05:53:05 GMT, "Shawn T. Pickrell"
> <spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
>
> |people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
> |being asked out on one?!?
>
> Empathy in numbers? A coalition of wannabe men looking for love in the
>
> No thanks, I gave at the office.
Enialle, what sort of song would you be singing if you found yourself going
dateless for extended periods of time?
I have a girlfriend now that loves me and cares for me. By the way, I discuss
what is going on in this newsgroup with her; I have discovered that her POv
agrees with mine on many issues. Since I often let her say what she thinks
before I say what I think, this is not simply her taking my side to boost my
ego.
But I remember what it was like going dateless for so long. It does no one
any good to hear comments like "go away loser." Sure, some of these guys will
flame you for the high crime of giving them honest advice. Others, however,
will appreciate it and take it to heart.
Shawn Pickrell
eni...@my-dejanews.com
spic...@rma.edu wrote:
> In article <369cb4a2...@cnews.newsguy.com>,
> ohw...@greenheart.com wrote:
> > On Tue, 05 Jan 1999 05:53:05 GMT, "Shawn T. Pickrell"
> > <spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
> >
> > |Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
> > |people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
> > |being asked out on one?!?
A.I wouldn't be my way you handle it. Personally, get involvedin my own
endeavors. One that fulfills me, fills my soul and fulfills my desires. You
see, I do consider myself inadequate without a mate in my life. Sure it is
great and that's what I desire, but I do make this a primary quest and goal.
I don't want to spend all this engergy in an effort to get a date. In that
aspect we differ, Shawn. That's not who I am.
> >
> > Empathy in numbers? A coalition of wannabe men looking for love in the
> > wrong places? A support network for whoa is mes??
> >
> > No thanks, I gave at the office.
>
> Enialle, what sort of song would you be singing if you found yourself going
> dateless for extended periods of time?
See A above.
>
> I have a girlfriend now that loves me and cares for me. By the way, I discuss
> what is going on in this newsgroup with her; I have discovered that her POv
> agrees with mine on many issues. Since I often let her say what she thinks
> before I say what I think, this is not simply her taking my side to boost my
> ego.
>
I am happy for you. Perhaps now you can discuss the postive aspects of it.
> But I remember what it was like going dateless for so long. It does no one
> any good to hear comments like "go away loser." Sure, some of these guys will
> flame you for the high crime of giving them honest advice. Others, however,
> will appreciate it and take it to heart.
>
It's not the fact you are dateless, it is how you deal with the reality. I
can read desperation in a man I've dated men whom haven't had dates in years.
What I have discovered, the guys who spent time making himself into a happier
person, vesting in his growth inside, made him all that much more desiable. I
admire these guys. They have strength and perserverance. They don't spend
useless engery blaming others and playing victims. They focus "being here
now" to quote Spinosa. As to those that seemed so utterly desperate and
needy? They don't past the first date with me.
Hugh Grant
"Shawn T. Pickrell" wrote:
>
> Greetings,
>
> Hugh Grant wrote:
>
> > Maybe it's because they are sick of "nice guys" posting the same whiney
> > message over and over again in alt.romance. I've seen this message, in
> > various incarnations, about a dozen times.
>
> Only a dozen?!? Indeed, you are new here.
Maybe. I've been reading this newsgroup off and on for the last year
or so. In those times there's always been at least one nice guy vs.
jerk thread.
Shawn T. Pickrell
>
> I have gone up to two years without a date...so what! After a few
When you want something more than anything else in the world, and cannot
have it, that will lead to frustration and rage. The key is not to teach
these people how to find a woman, but rather, to stop wanting one, any
one, so badly. How can this be done?
You learned, I imagine, how to cope with being single-- or did this pain
you while it was going on?
> years of reading this newsgroup I have noticed a trend.. the biggest
> whiners usually hate woman.
How long have you been here? I claim existence here since the fall of
1994. I've noticed that some whiners are single for a reason, other
whiners have legitimately been given a bad deal by the women they have
met; still others are too young to even establish a pattern.
There is a reason I was single for the first 20 years of my life. I did
not approach women, romantically. I am not so exceptionally attractive
as to cause women to approach me. Therefore, I went without.
I noticed, before the spring of 1997 or so, a fair number of men who
were interested in improving themselves in order to get dates. These men
have, by and large, disappeared. JP's most recent post gives some
encouragement.
Shawn Pickrell
Shawn T. Pickrell
>
> Tell me do you define your self worth by another person? Both myself
> and Enialle have gone for extended periods of time without a date. I
> don't EVER remember her complaining. I have certainly never
> complained about to her. Everyone has dry spells.
No, I don't define my self-worth by another person.
However, the key for these people is getting them to not base their
self-worth on what some silly 18 year old girl thinks of them! How can
this be done??
Shawn Pickrell
Shawn T. Pickrell
eni...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> > > |Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
> > > |people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
> > > |being asked out on one?!?
>
> A.I wouldn't be my way you handle it. Personally, get involvedin my own
> endeavors. One that fulfills me, fills my soul and fulfills my desires. You
> see, I do consider myself inadequate without a mate in my life. Sure it is
> great and that's what I desire, but I do make this a primary quest and goal.
> I don't want to spend all this engergy in an effort to get a date. In that
> aspect we differ, Shawn. That's not who I am.
Enialle, you have known me, from my posts, for about two years.
Certainly, you have seen my POV change, and you have noticed that there
are some constants in my beliefs and opinions.
For a large portion of my life, that is from ages 17 to 20, finding a
girlfriend was one of the overreaching goals of my life. After I found a
girlfriend, I found that the old adage held: "Be careful what you ask
for, because you just might get it."
I then dated another girl, and took over six months to compleatly get
over her.
After that, I slowly adjusted to what I thought was the fact that I was
going to be single for a large portion of my life. I went on an Internet
kick for a while, running up my phone bills past the $250 mark two
months. I got that under reasonable control, and then started taking a
good long look at what has worked for my friends in their dating lives.
Within six weeks, I found a girlfriend, one whom I think has the
potential to be with me for a very long time, quite possibly my entire
life. I actually did meet her off of the Internet.
Rebecca is a dream come true for me. I have said that several times on
the newsgroup, and I say it again. She is intelligent, kind, beautiful
and thoughtful.
> > Enialle, what sort of song would you be singing if you found yourself going
> > dateless for extended periods of time?
>
> See A above.
Actually, that is what I started to do. When the process was nearly
complete, I met Rebecca. I find this to be far from a coincidence. I had
started going places with my friends, becoming re-involved in community
activities, etc.
> I am happy for you. Perhaps now you can discuss the postive aspects of it.
I have done that many times.
It is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that there is
someone who gives a damn about me -- to talk with me, to listen to, to
care for.
Someone who, God willing, will be with me for the duration of the days I
have been given.
> It's not the fact you are dateless, it is how you deal with the reality. I
> can read desperation in a man I've dated men whom haven't had dates in years.
You have had that reality; therefore, I give your statements more
credence than someone who hasn't spent a weekend alone since she was 15.
Someone who has been through the fire and returned the stronger man (or
woman)
> What I have discovered, the guys who spent time making himself into a happier
> person, vesting in his growth inside, made him all that much more desiable. I
> admire these guys. They have strength and perserverance. They don't spend
> useless engery blaming others and playing victims. They focus "being here
I acknowledge that energy is useless. Did you not read my reply to the
man who posted about women receiving more replies to personal
advertisements than man?
I have also said numerous times that going after women who WILL go out
with you is a far more worthy endeavour than complaining about women
that WON'T.
> now" to quote Spinosa. As to those that seemed so utterly desperate and
> needy? They don't past the first date with me.
They are probably quite boring otherwise.
Where we disagree, enialle, is on the usage of one or two-line replies.
I think that they are not of much use, and quite possibly can cause a
person to retreat even further in his shell. In short, you "prove" their
worldview. I know that is not your entirety. I have seen you post many
poems, I have seen you post many things about love and living life.
Those one-line "go away loser" replies do nothing for that.
Shawn Pickrell
Charliegirl
Hey, I'm available! Still waiting to be swept off my feet.
-- Charliegirl.
enialle
<spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
|Ah! We now go beyond the insults and catcalls of "loser!"
|
|eni...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
|>
|> > > |Why don't you get off your high horse, Rauni, and start empathizing with
|> > > |people who have actually gone more than six weeks without a date, or
|> > > |being asked out on one?!?
|>
|> A.I wouldn't be my way you handle it. Personally, get involvedin my own
|> endeavors. One that fulfills me, fills my soul and fulfills my desires. You
|> see, I do consider myself inadequate without a mate in my life. Sure it is
|> great and that's what I desire, but I do make this a primary quest and goal.
|> I don't want to spend all this engergy in an effort to get a date. In that
|> aspect we differ, Shawn. That's not who I am.
|
|Enialle, you have known me, from my posts, for about two years.
|Certainly, you have seen my POV change, and you have noticed that there
|are some constants in my beliefs and opinions.
We were not discussing your general life view, but specifically your
head counting oost. It was immature and insensitive. Period.
Then you asked how I felt about not getting a date for two years. I
responded what I would do and how I would feel. Now you want me to wax
philosophical and my opinion of you? . Really why would you care?
That's my whole point!
|
|For a large portion of my life, that is from ages 17 to 20, finding a
|girlfriend was one of the overreaching goals of my life. After I found a
|girlfriend, I found that the old adage held: "Be careful what you ask
|for, because you just might get it."
|
|I then dated another girl, and took over six months to compleatly get
|over her.
|
|After that, I slowly adjusted to what I thought was the fact that I was
|going to be single for a large portion of my life. I went on an Internet
|kick for a while, running up my phone bills past the $250 mark two
|months. I got that under reasonable control, and then started taking a
|good long look at what has worked for my friends in their dating lives.
|Within six weeks, I found a girlfriend, one whom I think has the
|potential to be with me for a very long time, quite possibly my entire
|life. I actually did meet her off of the Internet.
|
|Rebecca is a dream come true for me. I have said that several times on
|the newsgroup, and I say it again. She is intelligent, kind, beautiful
|and thoughtful.
I am happy for you. Hold onto her, give her independence but share
your heart, but above all , never cling.
|> > Enialle, what sort of song would you be singing if you found yourself going
|> > dateless for extended periods of time?
|>
|> See A above.
|
|Actually, that is what I started to do. When the process was nearly
|complete, I met Rebecca. I find this to be far from a coincidence. I had
|started going places with my friends, becoming re-involved in community
|activities, etc.
Good.Then you understand my point.
|
|> I am happy for you. Perhaps now you can discuss the postive aspects of it.
|
|I have done that many times.
|
|It is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that there is
|someone who gives a damn about me -- to talk with me, to listen to, to
|care for.
|
|Someone who, God willing, will be with me for the duration of the days I
|have been given.
I hope she will give you that happiness and you both cherish each
other as you do now. It takes work but you are positive about it.
That's very good.
|
|> It's not the fact you are dateless, it is how you deal with the reality. I
|> can read desperation in a man I've dated men whom haven't had dates in years.
|
|You have had that reality; therefore, I give your statements more
|credence than someone who hasn't spent a weekend alone since she was 15.
|Someone who has been through the fire and returned the stronger man (or
|woman)
Many of us have had personal tragedies. I've had more than my share. I
don't normally share those details here.
|
|> What I have discovered, the guys who spent time making himself into a happier
|> person, vesting in his growth inside, made him all that much more desiable. I
|> admire these guys. They have strength and perserverance. They don't spend
|> useless engery blaming others and playing victims. They focus "being here
|
|I acknowledge that energy is useless. Did you not read my reply to the
|man who posted about women receiving more replies to personal
|advertisements than man?
No sorry, I didn't.
|
|I have also said numerous times that going after women who WILL go out
|with you is a far more worthy endeavour than complaining about women
|that WON'T.
|
|> now" to quote Spinosa. As to those that seemed so utterly desperate and
|> needy? They don't past the first date with me.
|
|They are probably quite boring otherwise.
True.
|
|Where we disagree, enialle, is on the usage of one or two-line replies.
That's my style. I find it appropriate at times. You don't. We all
have our styles.
|
|I think that they are not of much use, and quite possibly can cause a
|person to retreat even further in his shell. In short, you "prove" their
|worldview. I know that is not your entirety. I have seen you post many
|poems, I have seen you post many things about love and living life.
|Those one-line "go away loser" replies do nothing for that.
|
Shawn, I make no pretense about the fact I go after those for whom I
feel need it. I also like to stick to the specifics in the particular
post, ergo I went after you for your specific comments.
This all started when you reduced a very RL issue into a superficial
head counting party. On this I think both Joe and Faith will agree,
was not never about that.
enialle
enialle
<spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
|Rauni wrote:
|>
|> I have gone up to two years without a date...so what! After a few
|
|When you want something more than anything else in the world, and cannot
|have it, that will lead to frustration and rage. The key is not to teach
|these people how to find a woman, but rather, to stop wanting one, any
|one, so badly. How can this be done?
I been there wanting a child so very bad. For three years my ex and I
tried. He had a low sperm count. Every time I say someone with a baby
I cried. Every time my period would start that month I cried.
I did me no good. In fact stress is harder to get pregnant.
When I gave up being obsessive about it, I got pregnant.
|
spic...@rma.edu
ohw...@greenheart.com wrote:
> On Wed, 06 Jan 1999 03:32:05 GMT, "Shawn T. Pickrell"
> <spic...@rma.edu> said with such:
> |Enialle, you have known me, from my posts, for about two years.
> |Certainly, you have seen my POV change, and you have noticed that there
> |are some constants in my beliefs and opinions.
>
> We were not discussing your general life view, but specifically your
> head counting oost. It was immature and insensitive. Period.
It probably was. However, I am sure that you have made posts that you later
regretted making, or decided needn't have been posted.
> Then you asked how I felt about not getting a date for two years. I
> responded what I would do and how I would feel. Now you want me to wax
> philosophical and my opinion of you? . Really why would you care?
> That's my whole point!
You implied (or so I thought) that getting a date was the centerpoint of my
life. I asked you to examine my prior posts and judge for yourself. That is
all I was doing.
> I am happy for you. Hold onto her, give her independence but share
> your heart, but above all , never cling.
No, if she is secure in herself, she wouldn't want me to cling. It would get
boring after a while.
> |Actually, that is what I started to do. When the process was nearly
> |complete, I met Rebecca. I find this to be far from a coincidence. I had
> |started going places with my friends, becoming re-involved in community
> |activities, etc.
>
> Good.Then you understand my point.
And I rather agree with it. I certainly think that the advice you gave up
there (and yes, it is advice) is much more constructive than something of the
nature of "go away, loser."
> I hope she will give you that happiness and you both cherish each
> other as you do now. It takes work but you are positive about it.
> That's very good.
I fully realize that it takes work and committment. At every marriage I
attend: I have a saying, "The real work has just begun." Many people think
love is something that will just be there or not be there, not something that
has to be maintained.
> Many of us have had personal tragedies. I've had more than my share. I
> don't normally share those details here.
Nor was I asking you to do so. I don't consider going dateless for two years
to be anywhere near the tragedies of deaths in the family, being the victim
of serious crime, etc.
> |I acknowledge that energy is useless. Did you not read my reply to the
> |man who posted about women receiving more replies to personal
> |advertisements than man?
>
> No sorry, I didn't.
Therein, I said that the only appropriate response to this situation was to
take note of it and move on, for there was nothing that could be done.
> |They are probably quite boring otherwise.
>
> True.
When I go out with a woman, I have no interest in hearing her litany of dating
woes. Men have come on here and complained about women using them in that
manner; likewise, these nice guys (tm) use women in that manner as well.
> That's my style. I find it appropriate at times. You don't. We all
> have our styles.
I like to talk, as you probably figured out.
> Shawn, I make no pretense about the fact I go after those for whom I
> feel need it. I also like to stick to the specifics in the particular
> post, ergo I went after you for your specific comments.
Specific comments are a sign of either temporary lapse of judgment or a long-
term situation. But then what else is there but the specific comments?
> This all started when you reduced a very RL issue into a superficial
> head counting party. On this I think both Joe and Faith will agree,
> was not never about that.
No, it wasn't. So please don't buttress your arguments with "but everyone else
thinks so." That is an indirect method of having a little head counting party.
Shawn Pickrell
eni...@my-dejanews.com
> > |Certainly, you have seen my POV change, and you have noticed that there
> > |are some constants in my beliefs and opinions.
> >
> > We were not discussing your general life view, but specifically your
> > head counting oost. It was immature and insensitive. Period.
>
> regretted making, or decided needn't have been posted.
We are not discussing what I may have done in the past. Although I am sure in
the future you'd be the first to point out any inconsistencies.
>
> > Then you asked how I felt about not getting a date for two years. I
> > responded what I would do and how I would feel. Now you want me to wax
> > philosophical and my opinion of you? . Really why would you care?
> > That's my whole point!
>
> You implied (or so I thought) that getting a date was the centerpoint of my
> life. I asked you to examine my prior posts and judge for yourself. That is
> all I was doing.
I have and I believe it was at a time. It wasn't much a date but I believe you
painted a picture that a lot of your time was vested in you search, at the
expense of endeavors. You asked...
>
> > I am happy for you. Hold onto her, give her independence but share
> > your heart, but above all , never cling.
>
> No, if she is secure in herself, she wouldn't want me to cling. It would get
> boring after a while.
That was a metaphor. It means to cherish her. Make her feel special
>
> > |Actually, that is what I started to do. When the process was nearly
> > |complete, I met Rebecca. I find this to be far from a coincidence. I had
> > |started going places with my friends, becoming re-involved in community
> > |activities, etc.
> >
> > Good.Then you understand my point.
>
> And I rather agree with it. I certainly think that the advice you gave up
> there (and yes, it is advice) is much more constructive than something of the
> nature of "go away, loser."
If the guy is a loser, I'll keep my perogative to tell them to go away. Of
course in the enialle fashion. Wouldn't want to change that. It would confuse
people ;-)
>
> > I hope she will give you that happiness and you both cherish each
> > other as you do now. It takes work but you are positive about it.
> > That's very good.poeple and actually I think it is des
>
> I fully realize that it takes work and committment. At every marriage I
> attend: I have a saying, "The real work has just begun." Many people think
> love is something that will just be there or not be there, not something that
> has to be maintained.
We agree on that!
>
> > Many of us have had personal tragedies. I've had more than my share. I
> > don't normally share those details here.
>
> Nor was I asking you to do so. I don't consider going dateless for two years
> to be anywhere near the tragedies of deaths in the family, being the victim
> of serious crime, etc.
Which I am assuming that you can understand the perspective when men post
lamenting their plight yet make no attempt to re evaluate their own actions.
>
> > |I acknowledge that energy is useless. Did you not read my reply to the
> > |man who posted about women receiving more replies to personal
> > |advertisements than man?
> >
> > No sorry, I didn't.
>
> Therein, I said that the only appropriate response to this situation was to
> take note of it and move on, for there was nothing that could be done.
Great!
>
> > |They are probably quite boring otherwise.
> >
> > True.
>
> When I go out with a woman, I have no interest in hearing her litany of dating
> woes. Men have come on here and complained about women using them in that
> manner; likewise, these nice guys (tm) use women in that manner as well.
Really. What a crummy date if the GF wailed about her past lousy BFs! Makes
you wonder if you'd be the next victim. Works both ways.
>
> > That's my style. I find it appropriate at times. You don't. We all
> > have our styles.
>
> I like to talk, as you probably figured out.
Blabber mouth :-)
>
> > Shawn, I make no pretense about the fact I go after those for whom I
> > feel need it. I also like to stick to the specifics in the particular
> > post, ergo I went after you for your specific comments.
>
> Specific comments are a sign of either temporary lapse of judgment or a long-
> term situation. But then what else is there but the specific comments?
Gosh we agreeing on a lot. This is scary!
>
> > This all started when you reduced a very RL issue into a superficial
> > head counting party. On this I think both Joe and Faith will agree,
> > was not never about that.
>
> No, it wasn't. So please don't buttress your arguments with "but everyone else
> thinks so." That is an indirect method of having a little head counting party.
> Shawn Pickrell
No I said I *think* Faith and Joe would agree. Where in that statement I made
a global statement?
>
enialle
t...@delphi.com
>Because whenever I did I got called CUNT, Bitch by these very same
>losers. So I have lost my patients with them. It has been my
>experience on this newsgroup the guys who whine about being "nice" who
>can't get woman usually turn out to be woman haters.
Besides, nice guys do get women. Leftovers and damaged goods women....
DB
t...@delphi.com
>I have gone up to two years without a date...so what! After a few
>whiners usually hate woman.
told "you're such a nice guy, I'm sure you'll find someone soon", after
which the woman plays porn star with the next Dickheadman in line....
If women dislike the "whiners" so much, then why do women work so
diligently to create them?
DB
Sally Heartmade
Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
--
Sally Heartmade
http://homepages.infoseek.com/~7399sheart.html
http://members.wbs.net/homepages/7/3/9/7399sheart.html
Peanut
Sally Heartmade wrote in message <3693D6FB...@ex-pressnet.com>...
>Beats me!
>Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
Joe knows how to attract the pick of the crop for sure.
t...@delphi.com
>
>Sally Heartmade wrote in message <3693D6FB...@ex-pressnet.com>...
>>Beats me!
>>Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
no success with Americows, who shun good men when young. I can have
all the leftovers and damaged goods I could handle now, but Americows
aren't good enough for me. To think, I actually found them attractive
once.
>Joe knows how to attract the pick of the crop for sure.
And my fiancee thinks I'm the pick of the crop, and then some. It's going
to take some time to fully explain to her the monumental stupidity of
Americows.
DB
Peanut
t...@delphi.com wrote in message ...
>And my fiancee thinks I'm the pick of the crop, and then some.
Poor thing.
Satch
Y'know, there is something to be said for a seasoned campaigner, one that
has a few scars but turns out fine anyway, one that has been around the
block a few times. There is little of the tentative, uncertain attitude
toward romance that virgins bring to relationships -- the experienced KNOW
what to expect, and know what they like.
So all you Leftovers, make yourselves known. I'm ready and willing for
Saturday Supper.
(With apologies to Garrison Kellior and the reference to his song about the
display of the Tupperware collection on the last day of the week.)
--
Satch, guy, testing modems since 1984, working ARPAnet/Internet since 1972.
"Shoulder to Shoulder...Heart to Heart...Satchell to Paige!"
-- Firesign Theatre
Hugh Grant
Charliegirl wrote:
>
> Hey, I'm available! Still waiting to be swept off my feet.
>
> -- Charliegirl.
Instead of waiting around for someone to fall into your lap, why don't
you try to sweep a man off his feet yourself? Is it only the man's
responsibility to initiate a relationship?
By the way, "men feel intimidated by an assertive woman" probably
doesn't apply in most cases.
Hugh
Shawn T. Pickrell
rather, I just don't toe the "party line" at all times.
eni...@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> In article <7707j2$rnd$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>,
> spic...@rma.edu wrote:
> >
> > It probably was. However, I am sure that you have made posts that you later
> > regretted making, or decided needn't have been posted.
>
> We are not discussing what I may have done in the past. Although I am sure in
> the future you'd be the first to point out any inconsistencies.
Naw, actually, I'd probably forget about them. I don't carry grudges,
never have.
> > You implied (or so I thought) that getting a date was the centerpoint of my
> > life. I asked you to examine my prior posts and judge for yourself. That is
> > all I was doing.
>
> I have and I believe it was at a time. It wasn't much a date but I believe you
> painted a picture that a lot of your time was vested in you search, at the
> expense of endeavors. You asked...
Hrm. You're probably right there. However, in college, I was the editor
of the newspaper, captain of the academic team and student government
treasurer. I was a double-major, double-minor, so it wasn't as if I was
sitting in a dark room with the computer screen on all the time or
anything of *that* nature. :)
> That was a metaphor. It means to cherish her. Make her feel special
Very easy, because she is.
> If the guy is a loser, I'll keep my perogative to tell them to go away. Of
> course in the enialle fashion. Wouldn't want to change that. It would confuse
> people ;-)
Quite true. :P I suppose in the end, this group does me a lot of good by
exercising my debating tactics and keeping up with the other regulars.
You have to realize, I feel a bond with anyone who posts here regularly.
Even Ray. :)
> > I fully realize that it takes work and committment. At every marriage I
> > attend: I have a saying, "The real work has just begun." Many people think
> > love is something that will just be there or not be there, not something that
> > has to be maintained.
>
> We agree on that!
Who wouldn't? It takes effort to turn off the television and talk. It
takes effort to make the other person feel special. Ad nauseaum.
> Which I am assuming that you can understand the perspective when men post
> lamenting their plight yet make no attempt to re evaluate their own actions.
I've said it before, I've said it again: where are the men seeking to
improve themselves? About the time you first came on board (spring
1997), there were a # of men seeking to do just that. Now, there are
many men who blame women for their datelessness. I am not willing to say
the blame is 100% theirs off the bat, but there are men for whom a
change in habits would work wonders.
> Really. What a crummy date if the GF wailed about her past lousy BFs! Makes
> you wonder if you'd be the next victim. Works both ways.
Of course. Same rule applies in a job interview. Never criticize your
past employer. :)
> > Specific comments are a sign of either temporary lapse of judgment or a long-
> > term situation. But then what else is there but the specific comments?
>
> Gosh we agreeing on a lot. This is scary!
Not really. It all runs in cycles. In the next heated controversy, I may
be standing next to you.
Other times, I think people go too far, even in a good cause. I am the
proverbial moderate on alt.romance, and perhaps when the current
situation is resolved as it is going to be resolved, I might make a post
dividing us regulars into factions (this is based on posting patterns as
I see them.) Then again, if I don't have the 15 minutes, I won't do it.
> > No, it wasn't. So please don't buttress your arguments with "but everyone else
> > thinks so." That is an indirect method of having a little head counting party.
>
> No I said I *think* Faith and Joe would agree. Where in that statement I made
> a global statement?
You've said it elsewhere, enialle.
Do you want me to capitalize your name in future posts?
Shawn
Wind Machine
Shawn T. Pickrell <spic...@rma.edu> wrote in article
<3692C646...@rma.edu>...
> Rauni wrote:
> >
> > I have gone up to two years without a date...so what! After a few
>
> When you want something more than anything else in the world, and cannot
> have it, that will lead to frustration and rage. The key is not to teach
> these people how to find a woman, but rather, to stop wanting one, any
> one, so badly. How can this be done?
>
I have a solution for him to stop wanting women. Just imagine he only had
two choices:
1) be with romantically involved with Rauni the rest of his life or
2) be celibate
Well, it's pretty easy when you put it that way ! :)
Jeez! Give the guy a break. He wants to improve himself (and so do most
of us), so I gave him some advice. I'm not sure you like mine but I think
it works. :)
No, I seriously don't think he's a loser. I think he has potential.
> You learned,
>
> Shawn Pickrell
>
okmelody
> "Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks instead
> of nice
> guys?"
>
I have departed from this newsgroup for about 2 months. Your question
is not new.
What is your definition of jerks? A person who does not worth a girl's
love?
Well, I can conclude that love can make people blind. There is an
intelligent girl who studied well & was invited to apply for scholarship
from prestigious universities of the U.S. If she kept on studying well,
she would have no difficulty to enter Yales and Standford. But she threw
all chances away after meeting the man, a useless man in the eyes of her
grandparents and mother, on internet. The man does not have a proper
job and relies on the girl's money for living. The girl left the
hometown to travel around the U.S. with the man without a proper job.
Sometimes, when she does not have money, she phones home to ask her
mother for money. How could people explain this girl's unwise decision?
Love. While other people may even hate the man, the girl is really
attracted to him. How attractive? It depends on the girl's favor.
> Well, I believe that a relationship between a man and woman (that is,
> the romantic type)
> should be based on friendship, love, and Christ (I'm a Christian).
In principle, all people know it.
> I think that love toward one another goes far beyond the bedroom. I
> think that making
> love to one another is VERY important in marriage, but it's certainly
> not the
> only thing.
Again, in principle, all people know it.
> Going out to dinner with romantic candlelight is very nice, but,
> this isn't the only thing either.
I know your problem now. I think that many girls, in general, will be
happier with those boyfriends who are willing to keep on the romantic
atmosphere than those who are not. In most cases, I think that nice
guys don't know this & that's why they cannot get a long-term
girlfriend.
> making out is seen as romantic. Making out bills is not seen to be
> all that romantic. But, I think that it could be. Just being there to
> help
> out each other could be a joy in and of itself. Going on walks
> together for
> no good reason, and talking about what went wrong in the day, what
> went
> right, and just knowing that you actually have this other person who
> really
> gives a darn about you, no matter what you say to her.
Whether the examples you mentioned are romantic or not depends on the
character of the girl. If she is extroverted, I am afraid that she may
find such boy/man boring.
> Ladies, if you think that it's nice to receive flowers from a guy, I
> have to tell you, just
> looking into a girl's eyes and seeing her ENTIRE face light up after
> she gets
> the flowers is quite rewarding to the giver.
Hm, that's why flowers are so expensive especially on Valentine's Day.
> The guy did drugs while his
> wife was pregnant, just got out of alcoholic treatment, and thinks
> girls are
> good for nothing other than sex. As I recall, while we were playing
> the game
> "Tomb Raider" in which the main character is a kind of female "Indiana
>
> Jones",when he couldn't get the character to do what he wanted, he
> yelled out
> in front of everybody (including his daughter), "Common! Run you
> STUPID
> CUNT!". That tells it all for me. But yet, this guy's history has
> girls all
> over it. He's been in relationships all over the place, and now with
> his
> divorce just starting, he's already got another girl.
Again, the girls are blind but they will wake up one day, just like his
wife did.
> My simple question is, WHAT IS WITH WOMEN?????? Why do you girls go
> for this
> kind of jerk???
This guy must have skills to please women. Descent men are usually
considered to be boring - they don't know how to create romantic
atmosphere, don't know joking and never tease. You see, no fun. But
my question is: does your friend speak foul language? If he does in
front of girls, he will lose marks.
> Look at the President. Now, that's the biggest jerk I've
> seen, and he's got women dripping off of him.
Clinton's case is different. Some women worship men with POWER!
> I'm 26, and in accordance with my Lord's Will, I have opted to wait
> until I get married to
> make love to a woman. Yes, this sounds stupid.
I don't think so. It is more probable that you will be a loyal husband
only.
> I'm not going out on the corner proposing to
> every woman I see.
I don't think you will be attracted to every woman you meet.
> As a matter of fact, I want to do things right, and so
> perhaps I'm taking stuff too slowly. But, hey...I'm a turtle. I DO
> move
> slowly, because I want to make sure it's right.
Agree.
Sally Heartmade
t...@delphi.com wrote:
>
> "Peanut" <pea...@thiswontwork.com> writes:
>
> >
> >Sally Heartmade wrote in message <3693D6FB...@ex-pressnet.com>...
> >>Beats me!
> >>Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
>
>
> My mother raised me to be a decent hard-working guy.
Wow! What happened?!
>
>
> >Joe knows how to attract the pick of the crop for sure.
>
>
> What's Joe got to do with my comments, sow?
>
> And my fiancee thinks I'm the pick of the crop, and then some.
Corn or beans?
It's going
> to take some time to fully explain to her the monumental stupidity of
> Americows.
lol! She'll learn why after you feed her your BS on a regular basis.
Phoenix Gamma
WARNING: THIS IS A LONG RESPONSE!
#I suppose that I'm going to offend a bunch of people (both men and
women),
#but I just have to get something off my chest. I want to start out
with a
#simple, but often asked question. Here goes:
#
#"Why do girls, at least the majority of the time, go for jerks
instead of nice
#guys?"
Ah, this old chestnut, eh? I have my own take on this, now do you
want the long version or the short version?
#Yes, there is a little bit of buckshot in that question, and I would
think
#that nice attracts and jerky behavior repels. But, from my point of
view,
#just the opposite happens!
Hmm... yes and no, I say. It depends what kind of women you go for.
My theory is that so-called "nice guys" are attracted to the wrong
type of women rather than ALL women as an entire species being
attracted to nasty men (I've seen too much evidence to the contrary to
know that is nonsense). Basically, a nice guy chances across a
seemingly sweet girl, she has her problems, but she's OK, you know?
She shares her problems with this nice guy, who actually *listens* to
her as opposed to telling her he isn't interested and she confided in
him. Nice Guy takes this as affection and plays on it by being even
nicer, causing the girl to open up to him, but not the way she
expected. Said girl sees this guy as nothing more than a friend or
an agony uncle, someone to speak to when her latest disaster boyfriend
does whatever to her. Nice Guy, however, being nice just wants to
hold her and make the pain go away and show her some kind of
affection, but because her self esteem is so burised, she doesn't feel
comfortable with that neither does she think she deserves it, and
therefore doesn't consider this Nice Guy as anything more than a good
friend. Sad but true, but it's not all bad news...
# I don't think it's
#right to just use somebody for her body, as a means to pleasure
myself. I'm
#always thinking of what I could GIVE to her to make her happy.
Ladies, if you
#think that it's nice to receive flowers from a guy, I have to tell
you, just
#looking into a girl's eyes and seeing her ENTIRE face light up after
she gets
#the flowers is quite rewarding to the giver.
It's nice that you have such romantic visions, but I'd advise you not
to wear your heart on your sleeve. Unfortunately, the world we live
in does not reward you for that kind of honesty. Either way, it
sounds to me that you're going for the wrong type of girl? I mean,
where do you hang out? Where do you meet the girls you meet etc?
Also, look around you and look at other couples (especially those you
know), are ALL of then jerks with millions of girlies hanging off
their arms? What about those in stable marriages? If women only go
for jerks as the belief goes, then how did the people in stable
marriages get there?
#This being all said, I guess that I've got it all wrong. Just the
other day,
#one of my friends (who just started divorce proceedings with his wife
of two
#years, not to mention he has a child that will be without him as
well) came
#over to my apartment. Guess what? Just one month ago his divorce
STARTED (in
#our state, we have a six month waiting period until the divorce if
final),
#and he came into my apartment with a girlfriend!
Yes, but you have to look beneath the surface at these things.
Although I've never met said guy or his new partner, I can garuantee
she's not the kind of girl you'd bring home to mother if you know what
I mean...
The way I see it like attracts like. The girls jerks go for are girls
just as pitifully insecure as the guys baggin them, it's that's
simple. That's why you rarely see a so-called jerk with a decent
"girl next door" type of girl or any type of decent girl for that
matter. So if you, as a decent guy (and a Christian as well) are
chasing trash, don't expect your advances to be reciprocated.
#The guy did drugs while his
#wife was pregnant, just got out of alcoholic treatment, and thinks
girls are
#good for nothing other than sex. As I recall, while we were playing
the game
#"Tomb Raider" in which the main character is a kind of female
"Indiana
#Jones",when he couldn't get the character to do what he wanted, he
yelled out
#in front of everybody (including his daughter), "Common! Run you
STUPID
#CUNT!". That tells it all for me. But yet, this guy's history has
girls all
#over it. He's been in relationships all over the place, and now with
his
#divorce just starting, he's already got another girl.
You like Tomb Raider!? Man you suck! :)
Seriously though, follow the advice of my last paragraph, look at the
girls this guy manages to get. What kind of girls are they? It's all
about chemisty in the end, it has nothing to do with being nice or
nasty, it's just what you fancy and whether two personalities gel well
enough for a relationship to formulate. Therefore, with that in mind,
if some guy like your friend (even with all his problems and habits),
can get a girl, and given the the laws of chemistry I just outlined
for you, what do you think it says about the girl he's managed to bag?
#My simple question is, WHAT IS WITH WOMEN?????? Why do you girls go
for this
#kind of jerk??? Look at the President. Now, that's the biggest jerk
I've
#seen, and he's got women dripping off of him. I guess he has a "love
child"
#of 13 years. And women are just standing in line waiting to go down
on this
#guy.
That's different. Jerk or not, people are instincively drawn to
celebrities and famous people if they can get them for obvious
reasons...
#Now, I know that all women don't go for jerks, but it seems to me
that
#quite a few do.
As I say, it all depends on the kind of women you go for or have been
going for.
#I see how some guys treat their girlfriends. I would NEVER do
#that!!! I have respect for PEOPLE (and the guys that these girls go
for don't
#seem to realize that women ARE people...imagine that!). But yet, I'm
very
#lonely.
Yeah, we all know people like that, but as I say look at their women.
I mean *look* at them. You'll see that they suit each other.
To turn the scenario on its head, an old friend of mine (he was a
decent enough guy if ever you met one) had the most manipulative,
malicious bitch of a girlfriend that there ever was. She wasn't a
decent girl by any stretch yet she wasn't necessarily drawn to jerks
at all. Her last boyfriend (who was in fact my best friend at the
time) wasn't what you'd call decent but he wasn't a jerk either. He
treated his women well, just that he slept around a lot and didn't
really take relationships seriously unless he really liked the girl.
Why was she attracted to these guys? I think it's because she didn't
have a self-esteem problem and just liked guys she could control and
dominate and mould into her own image. The so-called jerks didn't
fit the bill, so she didn't want to know.
And as for your loneliness, well I don't have a girlfriend right now
(though I just came out of a nightmarish relationship!), but I'm
positive. I just haven't found the right girl yet. But for now, I'm
quite happy with going out with friends, meeting girls at clubs,
chatting them up etc etc, at least it keeps my "active" and gives your
charm and confidence regualr exercise as by meeting lots of girls in
such situations, you get to understand girls more, thus you lose any
hangups you may have etc.
I mean, I know I'll never find the girl of my dreams in some club and
though I may exchange numbers with a girl and stuff happens for a
while, I don't build my hopes and dreams on a stranger I staggered
over and started trying to "pull" one night, but as I say, its good
practice.
But the best advice I have for you is to watch where you go and the
girls you go for. The kind of girl you want won't be found with the
kind of guys you say you hang around with so perhaps you should change
or modify your circle of friends or go places where you meet people
with similar interests. But believe me, you don't want some vacuous,
ditzy "party girl" who doesn't respsect herself, nice guy or not.
# I have many friends that are women, and they are some of my very
best
#friends. I can be myself in front of them. They listen, and are kind.
But no
#one seems to even like to think of going for someone like me (which
tends to
#cause an extremely LOW self-image...but, oh well...).
That's always the case. But PLEASE you don't want to hear that kind
of thing so don't hang around them. Follow my advice instead! :)
# I'm 26, and in
#accordance with my Lord's Will, I have opted to wait until I get
married to
#make love to a woman.
That's fair enough, but as I say, you won't find her if you're hanging
with the wrong crowd.
I'm not telling you to totally ditch your friends, but if you start
making new ones which frequent places where there are women more
suited to you then it can't be a bad thing, can it?
#Yes, this sounds stupid. But, hey! It's me! Sex isn't
#dirty. It's beautiful! It's just that I want to do it in a committed,
loving,
#friendship called marriage. I'm not going out on the corner proposing
to
#every woman I see. As a matter of fact, I want to do things right,
and so
#perhaps I'm taking stuff too slowly. But, hey...I'm a turtle. I DO
move
#slowly, because I want to make sure it's right.
.......
#Anyway, if any of you have actually read this far into this whole
rant, I'm
#thankful. I welcome any and all comments, flames, etc. Especially
from girls.
#I have an inquiring mind. I want to know!
I hope I've been of some help.
Nobody *has* to be in the situation they are in, everybody can help
themselves. There are women out there for you, and there is a special
woman out there for you, too, but I know for a fact she doesn't hang
with the people you describe. Go figure.
-me
"Last night's dream was a talking baby wizard..."
Replies to sup...@usa.net - remove the "noway" spam block.
Icy Q#: 13246560 - Drop on by, baby...
t...@delphi.com
>
Mooo.
DB
t...@delphi.com
>No one is responsible for another's behavior a person is only
>responsible for their own behavior. Whining again, blaming others for
>your short comings!
Gee, I've never met a saint before! Nice to make your acquaintance!
Humans, OTOH, generally don't have an infinite capacity for pain and
disappointment.
You also discount the effect a person's behavior has on others. To use an
extreme example, whether I deliberately murder you or accidentally kill
you, you're still dead. I should add that the "you" is a general one
and not "you", Rauni. I'm glad you're here. Your postings make me gladder
and gladder that I stopped wasting time on the local girls and found the
most wonderful woman ever....
Cheers, dear,
DB
t...@delphi.com
>> Besides, nice guys do get women. Leftovers and damaged goods women....
>
>Y'know, there is something to be said for a seasoned campaigner, one that
>has a few scars but turns out fine anyway, one that has been around the
>block a few times. There is little of the tentative, uncertain attitude
>toward romance that virgins bring to relationships -- the experienced KNOW
>what to expect, and know what they like.
dislikes sex (too many "exciting" boyfriends), and has someone else's
kids and won't give you any?
Enjoy!
DB
Sally Heartmade
--
t...@delphi.com
Satch
And as usual, the clueless take the most extreme example and call it "typical."
The weight thing is no big deal -- I've seen women go from fat to thin and
back again so much that I don't put much stock in that anyway.
"Dislikes sex" as interpreted from your other posts must mean that she
doesn't hurt herself falling to the floor throwing off her clothes when
*you* want intercourse. I have no problem with a woman who's sexual
appetite is smaller than mine.
Someone else's kids and won't give me any? I'm too old for babies, so
that's also just fine with me.
Now there are other things that I *do* care about. Criminal records.
Bankruptcies. Ties to the Mob. Stupidity. Ortho-lesbianism.
t...@delphi.com
>> So you'd be happy with someone who's needlessly added lots of weight,
>> dislikes sex (too many "exciting" boyfriends), and has someone else's
>> kids and won't give you any?
>>
>> Enjoy!
>
>And as usual, the clueless take the most extreme example and call it "typical."
ALL "experienced" women as leftovers and damaged goods, when nothing could
be further from the truth. Experienced women who don't give their current
boyfriend
less than the last one, and who don't punish their current man for what
the "exciting" men did in the past, certainly are not leftovers and damaged
goods.
>The weight thing is no big deal -- I've seen women go from fat to thin and
>back again so much that I don't put much stock in that anyway.
>"Dislikes sex" as interpreted from your other posts must mean that she
>doesn't hurt herself falling to the floor throwing off her clothes when
>*you* want intercourse. I have no problem with a woman who's sexual
>appetite is smaller than mine.
was lines like "well, I did that with my past 20 lovers, but I have limits
now and don't do that any more, so I'll never do that with you". Or those
women who, after having kids, decide that once a month is enough for her
and should be enough for the man in her life too.
One nice thing about Filipinas is that they come from a culture where it's
the norm for men to have mistresses. My fiancee knows that if she doesn't
keep me happy, I'll find another woman on the side. American men do this
too, though their sex-rationing wives think they're happy with once a quarter.
Of course I don't see this as a problem, as T's "appetite" is at least as
great as mine....
>Someone else's kids and won't give me any? I'm too old for babies, so
>that's also just fine with me.
and imagine the feelings of the poor sap who marries a divorced mother. The
latter sweetly promises "sure I'll have another baby with you", while
neglecting to tell him that she had her tubes tied...
>Now there are other things that I *do* care about. Criminal records.
>Bankruptcies. Ties to the Mob. Stupidity. Ortho-lesbianism.
American leftovers and damaged goods.
DB
charl...@att.net
As a matter of fact, I am a go-getter. I almost proposed to my ex-fiance but
he beat me to it.
I'm the kind of girl who'd buy a guy a drink or strike up conversations with
strangers. I'm out there meeting people. What I meant in my comment was, out
of all the guy's I've met or dated, I haven't yet met a man with whom I've
fallen head over heels. But I know I'll find him... probably when I least
expect :-)
-- Charliegirl.
Wind Machine
said about potential.
Total lack of experience is the word. But don't worry, you'll do okay.
God is looking out for you.
eni...@my-dejanews.com
"Peanut" <pea...@thiswontwork.com> wrote:
>
> Sally Heartmade wrote in message <3693D6FB...@ex-pressnet.com>...
> >Beats me!
> >Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
>
>
> >> >whiners usually hate woman.
> >>
> >>
> >> Ah, but they don't start out that way. A few years too many of being
> >> told "you're such a nice guy, I'm sure you'll find someone soon", after
> >> which the woman plays porn star with the next Dickheadman in line....
> >>
> >> If women dislike the "whiners" so much, then why do women work so
> >> diligently to create them?
It is interesting that many of those few women who end up with men who abused
them grew up under a father role model that committed the same abuse to his
mother and/or daughters. So if you believe that women want Jerks, perhaps you
can endeavor to break this cycle with your future children with a better role
model.
eni...@my-dejanews.com
> >>Beats me!
> >>Ask *ur* mother--she raised you.
>
> no success with Americows, who shun good men when young. I can have
> all the leftovers and damaged goods I could handle now, but Americows
> aren't good enough for me. To think, I actually found them attractive
> once.
>
>
>
> to take some time to fully explain to her the monumental stupidity of
> Americows.
>
invectives. Makes me wonder.