Guessing A Metallica Fan's Age Based On When He Thinks Metallica Started To Suck
Lars Ultrarich
(full link:
http://www.getunderground.com/underground/features/article.cfm?
Article_ID=1855)
If you are a Metallica fan, I can guess your age based on when you think
Metallica "jumped the shark".
Lars is such a tool.
After Master of Puppets: You're hardcore. Metallica was never the same to
you after Cliff Burton was flattened by that tour bus. You're probably
balding, still sport a mullet despite that fact and are pushing 40. Beer
isn't just a beverage for you... it is a way of life. Chances are, you
saw Metallica in their alcoholic heyday and were front and center way
back in '84 or '85. You were never the same afterwards. ...And Justice
for All was just too soft for you and you think Metallica sold out for
getting a new bassist and appearing on MTV with that god awful "One"
video. You've got my respect, but probably need to get a haircut and get
with the times.
After ...And Justice for All: You're in your early 30's and only like
things as long as you're the only person who knows about them. The huge
success of The Black Album coupled with the fact that it included a
*gasp* ballad was simply too much for you. You probably never even bought
it and have refused to buy anything Metallica related ever since.
After The Black Album: You're pretty close to my age... late 20's. You
know you should probably hate the goddamn thing, but you just can't help
it because Enter Sandman is still awesome. Still, Load is where you draw
the line and you think the album is aptly named. Sure, they were too lazy
to actually include any artwork on The Black Album, but at least you
didn’t have to look at some dude’s blood and semen pressed between glass
every time you put the goddamn thing in your CD player. To you, Metallica
was never the same once they cut their hair... virtually all semblance of
rocking left the band after The Black Album and they went completely
crapwards.
After Load: Probably, you're in your late teens or early 20's. The fact
that you think there's a difference between Load and Re-Load is kind of
baffling to me, but you get points because you can't accept the fact that
1.) Metallica would have a fucking sequel to an album and 2.) that it
would feature a fucking SEQUEL to a song (Unforgiven II). Their
pretension, which the more perceptive of us picked up on long ago when
the hair was cut, has finally become painfully obvious to you as well, so
... welcome to the club. Now go out and burn your copy of Load while
you're at it.
After Re-Load OR They've never jumped the shark! They're AWESOME!: You've
got to be, like, 10 or something. You also own every Linkin Park album,
single and poster you can get your hands on. You collect Creed on vinyl
and have Ashley Simpson's autograph. You ride a skateboard... and poorly
at that. You steal Victoria's Secret catalogs from your mother and hide
them under your bunk bed for, "after bedtime". You think punk rock means
Blink 182 or Sum 41 and you've never even thought of buying Ride the
Lightning or Kill 'Em All. Straighten your trucker hat, tighten that 6
pound, metal studded belt around your waist and pull up your goddamn
pants. Also, I hate you.
Wild generalizations and I realize I've pigeonholed the personalities a
little bit, but I bet dollars to donuts I'm dead on with the age
brackets.
Cornholio
> know you should probably hate the goddamn thing, but you just can't help
> it because Enter Sandman is still awesome. Still, Load is where you draw
> the line and you think the album is aptly named. Sure, they were too lazy
> to actually include any artwork on The Black Album, but at least you
> didn’t have to look at some dude’s blood and semen pressed between glass
> every time you put the goddamn thing in your CD player. To you, Metallica
> was never the same once they cut their hair... virtually all semblance of
> rocking left the band after The Black Album and they went completely
> crapwards.
>
Monks
"Cornholio" <T...@mybunghole.net> wrote in message
news:J%r6f.17734$vw6...@newsread1.news.atl.earthlink.net...
Yep. I'm 27 too, and this guy nailed it.
dclizardking
Lars Ultrarich wrote:
> This is a good article, and fits me perfectly.
>
> http://tinyurl.com/dz7rw
>
> (full link:
> http://www.getunderground.com/underground/features/article.cfm?
> Article_ID=1855)
>
> If you are a Metallica fan, I can guess your age based on when you think
> Metallica "jumped the shark".
> Lars is such a tool.
>
> After Master of Puppets: You're hardcore. Metallica was never the same to
> you after Cliff Burton was flattened by that tour bus. You're probably
> balding, still sport a mullet despite that fact and are pushing 40. Beer
> isn't just a beverage for you... it is a way of life. Chances are, you
> saw Metallica in their alcoholic heyday and were front and center way
> back in '84 or '85. You were never the same afterwards. ...And Justice
> for All was just too soft for you and you think Metallica sold out for
> getting a new bassist and appearing on MTV with that god awful "One"
> video. You've got my respect, but probably need to get a haircut and get
> with the times.
>
than that it sounds about right to me. Although I do like the One
video.
Wyrd
"dclizardking" <dcliza...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1130171116....@g14g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> Lars Ultrarich wrote:
>> This is a good article, and fits me perfectly.
>>
>> http://tinyurl.com/dz7rw
>>
>> (full link:
>> http://www.getunderground.com/underground/features/article.cfm?
>> Article_ID=1855)
>>
>> If you are a Metallica fan, I can guess your age based on when you think
>> Metallica "jumped the shark".
>> Lars is such a tool.
>>
>> After Master of Puppets: You're hardcore. Metallica was never the same to
>> you after Cliff Burton was flattened by that tour bus. You're probably
>> balding, still sport a mullet despite that fact and are pushing 40. Beer
>> isn't just a beverage for you... it is a way of life. Chances are, you
>> saw Metallica in their alcoholic heyday and were front and center way
>> back in '84 or '85. You were never the same afterwards. ...And Justice
>> for All was just too soft for you and you think Metallica sold out for
>> getting a new bassist and appearing on MTV with that god awful "One"
>> video. You've got my respect, but probably need to get a haircut and get
>> with the times.
>>
> Hey I just had a haircut and I'm not bald, and I'm only 34, but other
> than that it sounds about right to me. Although I do like the One
> video.
As a first video One was excellent. The rest were utter shit...no (chris)
not the songs necessarily, just the video's.
Wyrd
audiophile
doesn't hit the mark in any meaningful way.
I doubt it was meant to, anyway. Likely it's just fun random
entertainment.
(For example, I think Metallica started to seriously decline after MOP
but don't fit the writer's profile in any way whatsoever).
e.
--
Writer of the Skeptic's Handbook
Nadeem
> 1.) Metallica would have a fucking sequel to an album and
There was an idea out there that Metallica released Load/Unload because of
GNR's Use you Illusion I & II.
"Lars Ultrarich" <la...@metalligreed.biz> wrote in message
news:43597511$0$65671$892e...@authen.white.readfreenews.net...
dclizardking
Nadeem wrote:
> but you get points because you can't accept the fact that
> > 1.) Metallica would have a fucking sequel to an album and
>
>
> There was an idea out there that Metallica released Load/Unload because of
> GNR's Use you Illusion I & II.
>
basically songs that didn't make the Load album, end of story.
Balloonhead
Lars Ultrarich
news:1130237632.9...@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
>
> Nadeem wrote:
>> but you get points because you can't accept the fact that
>> > 1.) Metallica would have a fucking sequel to an album and
>>
>>
>> There was an idea out there that Metallica released Load/Unload
>> because of GNR's Use you Illusion I & II.
>>
> Yeah Lar$ said that, that's why no one believes it. Reload was
> basically songs that didn't make the Load album, end of story.
Guns N Roses released two double albums of pretty good material--at the
same time. Sure, there are some average songs on the two Illusion albums.
But there is some really good stuff, too. It's quality work.
You can't say that with Load (of Crap) and Reload (of Crap). Garbage in,
garbage out.
Besides, when Load and Reload came out the Illusion albums were already 5
years old and Guns N Roses had disbanded. Lars is full of beans.
Lars Ultrarich
@g43g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
> It's a funny article, but like all POV-inspired generalizations,
> doesn't hit the mark in any meaningful way.
Actually, it does hit the mark. It fits me absolutely perfectly. Not just
me, but others around here, too.
>
> I doubt it was meant to, anyway. Likely it's just fun random
> entertainment.
Entertainment, yes. But all good humor is based on fact. As is this.
Everybody I know in my age group who was a Metallica fan back in the day
feels the same way.
Gimme cash, gimme coin, gimme that which I enjoy!
Wyrd
> "dclizardking" <dcliza...@gmail.com> wrote in
> news:1130237632.9...@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:
>
>>
>> Nadeem wrote:
>>> but you get points because you can't accept the fact that
>>> > 1.) Metallica would have a fucking sequel to an album and
>>>
>>>
>>> There was an idea out there that Metallica released Load/Unload
>>> because of GNR's Use you Illusion I & II.
>>>
>> Yeah Lar$ said that, that's why no one believes it. Reload was
>> basically songs that didn't make the Load album, end of story.
>
> Guns N Roses released two double albums of pretty good material--at the
> same time. Sure, there are some average songs on the two Illusion albums.
> But there is some really good stuff, too. It's quality work.
I really think G'n'R could have released just one album, way too much filler
on both albums.
Wyrd
dclizardking
Exactly, you could have gotten a decent 10 songs from those 2 albums.