Michael Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology (MPES). Part1
michael pattinson
I have decided to post to Google.com (as fully as possible) my
experiences with Scientology here both to exercise my USA First
Amendment rights to freedom of speech and to share with others what I
went through and what I learned.
I have not posted this series (which I hope will be read by quite a
few people) to create threads on a.r.s., as frankly comments and
challlenges will not change my past experiences or what I have learned
with hindsight. Also, what some cult members will post under fake and
anonymous nicknames to discredit my story will not affect its truth
one iota.
This may also inspire others to post their stories more fully, which
will help to give a broader view of the whole situation.
I do hope that the relating of what happened will be of use to others
who don't have the hindsight or direct experience or the 24 year track
record I had with Scientology from 1973 to 1997, when I left the cult
and regained my freedom and self-determinism.
I want to do this in several parts, and to give my story and what I
learned in hindsight for each section of the posting. It gives a good
contrast and some interesting counterpoint to show the facade of
Dianetics and Scientology from when it was happening and what I
learned since I left.
I may also ad items to the postings as I remember them so the full
picture will be painted in the end.
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Michael Pattinson's experiences with Scientology (MPES)Part1.
I was a professional artist when I first heard about Dianetics and
Scientology in Paris in 1973. I had a job giving english lessons to
corporate executives and bankers.
A doctor,friend of mine from University in Scotland, (where I got a
Masters Degree in Economics and Social Sciences)sent me Dianetics by
L.Ron Hubbard. I had been previously reading some books on
spirituality, etc but read the Dianetics book as Mary (Rogers) had
recommended it.
I went to the Paris Dianetics-Scientology "church" in Rue De Londres
after finishing the book to find out if I could get a few past nasty
incidents run out of me to get rid of a stomach ulcer and to cure
myself from being a "gay" person, so taboo at the time..
I was greeted by a staff member and given a "personality test" with
200 questions, and failed to get a high score. I was then "routed"
(taken physically) to a "registrar, a Ms Colette Byasson and we sat
down for an interview. She went over the personality test results with
me to show me how the low points must be "ruining" my life, and that
Dianetics-Scientology were my only hope of ever remedying these flaws.
I was also shown Hubbard's "The Bridge To Total Freedom" as a
chart-diagram of steps to gigantic spiritual powers ( a state called
"O.T" which is supposed to be a spiritual being endowed with being
permanently outside its body, lives forever, can do telekinesis, etc.)
through Scientology and Dianetics. I was impressed.
We got into my "gay" aspects too and telling Ms Byasson about it
literally brought me to tears as I had not confided in anyone about
that previously. I was 24 years old at the time and had not been able
to tell anyone in my life aboput being gay till then. In England,
where I grew up, being gay at that time was sufficient to create huge
social and familial chaos if known, as it still is today in many areas
of the world. This created a kind of "bond" with Colette, which
remained even after she was expelled from Scientology in about 1980.
It also formed a bond between myself and Hubbard's "Tech" as I had
been told, during a moment of real grief and emotion (while Colette
was pointing out my "ruin" after the personality test) that it was my
only hope for any kind of resolution. I did a "communications Course"
with hours of supposedly (but practically impossible) unblinking
staring at someone else's eyes, bull-baiting and fronting up to verbal
abuse and harassments and then a lot of reading of lines from Alice In
Wonderland to practice parts of a whole communication structure. I did
that for a week or two and then was encouraged to do a "study
technology" course with Hubbard texts on studying, words, clay
modelling execises and tapes of "technology" about studying.
Even though I was pretty literate and well educated I had serious
difficulty with the "checkouts" where, if I could not give an INSTANT
CORRECT definition of any words selected at random by a supervisor I
was "flunked" (given a fail grade) and made to re-study the text all
over again till I could do it with all instant definitions perfectly.
The first text "Keeping Scientology Working" which was pretty long,
took me about 3 weeks to pass on the instant word or re-study
checkouts! It contained technical jargon from Hubbard's later courses,
so I was obliged to study a whole lot of other materials to see what
they meant. They were not english words in any english dictionary. It
did get easier as I went through more and more texts but it was a real
nuisance to have to be that meticulous at such an introductory stage.
I learned from that course that I "MUST NOT go past a misunderstood
word or symbol EVER" or I would have a probably fatal series of
consequences i.e. I would "go blank" in my mind, I would separate
myself from the study materials and from the group, I would then start
to "commit destructive acts" on the area and group and then leave and
give up my one hope of ever being a free being or of helping create a
better planet Earth. I would also be lost in the oblivion of being a
"Wog" (Hubbard term for any non-Scientologist) and remain utterly
ineffective in all domains of Life forever. This is not an
exaggeration. Such is still being taught in Scientology today.
So I used my newfound "tech of study" to ask what the crosses were on
the walls and around the necks of some black-garbed staff members. I
was told it was because the French government was trying to shut down
Scientology and that it had been decided for it to "be" a church to
have more tangible protection both in France and abroad. There was no
real atmosphere of a "church" there, however, in my observation. God
was certainly nowhere to be seen, just lots of photos of Hubbard all
over the place.
It was not a pleasant factor, too, that my course supervisor,
Jean-Pierre Vogel, was often telling me he discoverd he was a nazi in
his immediate past life! His nazi checkouts where he would flunk me
about 1/100th of a second after asking the word definition and i hadnt
yet spoken didn't go with any concept I had of a "religion".
***********************************
***********************************
IN HINDSIGHT (for the above period) I LEARNED AND SAW: (after 24 years
of experience within Scientology and over 5 years out of it)
1.The religious aspect was really only for legal and financial
reasons, and had no real factual basis in the studies I took there,
which, in definitions of Scientology, specifically excluded "God" from
Scientology as it was "outside" the domain of either Dianetics or
Scientology. The Hubbard writings about anything at all, however
insignificant, to do with "God" are few and very far between, even in
their so-called "Ministers Course" (which I took).
2.The Communications Course was a part of a training system to be
indoctrinated as an "auditor" (a Hubbard technical practitioner) and
was designed to put me under the control of the organization right
from the start.
3.The "ruin" aspect of the personality test and first registrar
interview was designed to motivate me, by pain and unconsciousness (as
my ruin was painful emotionally and from a source unknown to me)to
remain in Scientology every time it may come up in the future because
the pain would supposedly drive me back in if I had strayed. There was
huge emphasis on the "only hope for me or Mankind" aspect (which is
utterly fake and false) so I "knew" from what I was repeatedly told
that if I failed in Scientology I was as good as dead forever.
This IS what keeps intelligent people who are trusting in the cult for
SOOOOO long. This, and the longing for huge but non-existent (but
promised anyway) spiritual powers that are advertised but not
delivered.
4.The Bridge to Total Freedom is not a Bridge (I walked all the way to
the end by 1990) and I found it was a Pier to Total Flotsam, as people
who get to the end and protest the fact that it goes nowhere prettty
soon get thrown overboard and out of the group to re-integrate a
society from which they are estranged by too closeted a cult-life. A
bridge has 2 ends on different shores. There is no new shore at the
end of the pier I walked across. It is a fake "Bridge".
5. Today, in 2003, there is yet to be an "O.T" with scientifically
and/or publicly demonstrable "O.T.Powers" made or advertised to exist.
6.The technology of study seems to me more oriented towards
cult-indoctrination than self-discerning free-thinking STUDY (i.e.
Hubbard is never wrong; if you disagree with him on ANYTHING It is
because you have gone past a word or symbol
that you did not fully understand. Hubbard being wrong about ANYTHING
is not a thought that a Scientologist can compute with in their
indoctrinated mind.
7.Being gay was not ever my choice or intention but it is not
something that Scientology will ever "handle" however much one spends
(I spent close to a half million dollars in Scientology, and I still
want my money back!). Scioentology considers being gay as an
"aberration" that needs to be erased. However, they don't erase it and
are in actual practice anti-gay (as I and others got sent to "ethics"
correction for such behavior). They did, however, accept hundreds of
thousands of "Gay dollars" from me in full for a service they never
delivered in full.Being gay may be something we don't understand yet
but it exists in millions of people and, even when humans who misapply
their own religious beliefs and spit hate out at gays, God loves me
just the way I am.
8. I have never known ANYONE to flawlessly pass the "personality
test". So there is ALWAYS fodder to ask the testee for money to
"handle".
That, alone, is worth more than all I ever got out of Scientology.
Stay tuned for part 2 and more......
LaserClam
>Date: 8/25/03 10:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time
>Message-id: <22c1ffd4.03082...@posting.google.com>
>
>7.Being gay was not ever my choice or intention but it is not
>something that Scientology will ever "handle" however much one spends
>(I spent close to a half million dollars in Scientology, and I still
>want my money back!). Scioentology considers being gay as an
>"aberration" that needs to be erased. However, they don't erase it and
>are in actual practice anti-gay (as I and others got sent to "ethics"
>correction for such behavior). They did, however, accept hundreds of
>thousands of "Gay dollars" from me in full for a service they never
>delivered in full.Being gay may be something we don't understand yet
>but it exists in millions of people and, even when humans who misapply
>their own religious beliefs and spit hate out at gays, God loves me
>just the way I am.
Are you trying to find out what you are from christianity?
Warrior
parts of your story.
Warrior - Sunshine disinfects
http://warrior.xenu.ca
In article <22c1ffd4.03082...@posting.google.com>,
Michael Pattinson says...
Pts 2
Sometimes the truth really hurts.
Keep it coming.
My very best,
Tom
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/Scientology/
arnie lerma - www.lermanet.com
Are you STILL trying to find out from a dead-bad-science fiction
writer?
Hubbard always said always go to the SOURCE ( and HE was SOURCE _)
Maybe you should read the SOURCES hubbards tole from...
http://www.lermanet.com/sources.htm
I'd prefer to die speaking my mind than live fearing to speak.
The only thing that always works in scientology are its lawyers
The internet is the liberty tree of the new millennium
Secrets are the mortar binding lies as bricks together into prisons for the mind
Support http://www.lermanet.com - mentioned 4 January 2000 in
The Washington Post's - 'Reliable Source' column re "Scientologist with no HEAD"
barb
Wonderful, Michael. No matter how long this turns out to be, with your
permission it will be handed out during next year's Gay Pride festival,
as well as The Center, a local community group for gays.
The issue of gaiety (?) is just one more tool in Scientology's arsenal
to make people feel horrible about themselves. Your story will be an
even better tool to counter that predation.
Thanks!
--
--
barb
Chaplain, ARS
"After over 50 years, what has Scientology given the world? Misery,
hopelessness, broken families, desolation, death."
-Shydavid
"I remember when my son said "Every day should be Mother's Day." But
those were the days before L Ron Hubbard came into his life."
--Ida Camburn
michael pattinson
(MPES) will act as a search title and the number following will be
easier to see in newsgroup menus.
M.P.
******************
kare...@msn.com (michael pattinson) wrote in message news:<22c1ffd4.03082...@posting.google.com>...
ste...@s.netic.de
news:3f4adfe1...@news.verizon.net:
Arnie, why do you answer this idiot?
He's so obviously a puppet, that it's absolutely counterproductive, to
respond.
Sorry for the rant.
There *are* idiots here, which need to be dryed out.
steff
> On 26 Aug 2003 02:57:44 GMT, lase...@aol.com (LaserClam) wrote:
all snipped
>
arnie lerma - www.lermanet.com
>ale...@nospam.bellatlantic.net (arnie lerma - www.lermanet.com) wrote in
>news:3f4adfe1...@news.verizon.net:
>
>Arnie, why do you answer this idiot?
>He's so obviously a puppet, that it's absolutely counterproductive, to
>respond.
>Sorry for the rant.
>There *are* idiots here, which need to be dryed out.
Always try to deprogam the clam in front of yah...
>
>steff
>
>> On 26 Aug 2003 02:57:44 GMT, lase...@aol.com (LaserClam) wrote:
>
>all snipped
>
>>
>
I'd prefer to die speaking my mind than live fearing to speak.
ste...@s.netic.de
> On 26 Aug 2003 17:22:18 -0500, ste...@s.netic.de wrote:
>
>>ale...@nospam.bellatlantic.net (arnie lerma - www.lermanet.com) wrote
>>in news:3f4adfe1...@news.verizon.net:
>>
>>Arnie, why do you answer this idiot?
>>He's so obviously a puppet, that it's absolutely counterproductive, to
>>respond.
>>Sorry for the rant.
>>There *are* idiots here, which need to be dryed out.
>
> Always try to deprogam the clam in front of yah...
Ok, I realize, that any communication is better for them, than no
communication. And I admire your endurance..
These idiots are working for rice and beans, and the rest of the money
goes to attorneys, which take for an hour a year's salary..
And live with their families an adequate life..
WOG style..
steff
Feisty
Thank you Michael for sharing this!! Excellent!!
I have a comment below -
michael pattinson <kare...@msn.com> wrote in message
news:22c1ffd4.03082...@posting.google.com...
This is very striking to read Michael - Your use of the word 'bond'
and 'bonding' is very important, as you explain it. It is very helpful in
understanding how attachment to Hubbard occurs. You were very
vulnerable at this time - sharing something of yourself that was a very
personal issue, and they offered a substitute strength, a 'fix' for overcoming
'it.' Nothing in a way whatsoever to accepting you the 'way you are.'
First, anything that 'is an issue' for someone is not 'ruining' that person.
It is a ruin to suggest that someone need pay for stock Hubbard drills to erase a
struggle that someone has, when they hold a persons trust and confidence as collateral.
Thanks again for your words,
Feisty