Paulette's "diary" (19) betrayal by Jerry, etc.

[Paulettec]

HARASSMENT DIARY by Paulette Cooper (1982)
Part 19: Betrayal by Jerry, etc.
My 1997 editorial comments are enclosed in [[double
square brackets]]. Also I have added some paragraph breaks

In late September, when the ordeal of a trial seemed inevitable
(it was scheduled for October 31st, 1973), something made me
look up my cancelled checks of the previous year. When I first
saw that check I thought nothing of it, but as my eye caught
the date, I froze.

I had written out a check to the United Farm Workers and
given it to Margie Shepherd on December 6th the night
before the first bomb threat was mailed.

I had totally forgotten about that whole visit--and now I
remembered something else about her. She had never
removed her coat or gloves in the half hour she sat in
my sweltering apartment. And Joy remembered that
also when I called then to ask if she remembered Margery.****

My lawyers were very excited when I called them with the
discovery and told me to immediately go through lists of
Scientologists, because it would be most helpful (to say
the least) if we could prove that someone who might know
the complainant (Meisler)[[the Scientology PR man who had
claimed to have received the bomb threats and named me as
a likely suspect]] had been in my apartment the night before the
first bomb threat was mailed.

I was going through John Seffern' s[[*]] lists with no luck on
Margie when I almost fell over. There,among a list of high
ranking Scientologists was the name '"Jerry Levin"
--the same man who had been living in my apartment for at
least six months.

I simply did not want to believe it. Barbara [[my best friend, a
writer who lived in the building]] and I confronted Jerry with it,
but he rightly pointed out that it was a common name, especially
in New York, and he turned on me. After all he had done for me,
how could I accuse him of being a Scientologist?

He almost completely convinced me that I had gone so
crazy that I was now suspicious of everyone.
I ended up feeling guilty for doubting and accusing him,
even more so when he left shortly thereafter.

This strong suspicion of betrayal [[**]] added to my bad
mental state, as did the fact that once he left I was alone.
If I was wrong, then I had self-destructively driven away
someone I could have leaned on during the trial.
(Indeed, Jerry had offered to be a character witness for
me at the trial, and I cringe now when I think of the scenario
if that had happened!)

Almost everyone was gone. Bob [[my boyfriend]] had left me
completely around August, after he had come over one evening
and I had been too depressed to even fix myself up or
clean the place before his arrival. Paula [[***]] was gone.
Jerry was gone. Most of my friends avoided me
because I was hardly a cheerful companion. (1)

1) As one of my previously close friends explained, he simply
could not talk to me about what was happening because it was
so horrible that he was depressed every time for days after seeing me.

[[* John Seffern was an attorney who had fought a case against
Scientology. He and his former wife had once been Scientologists
and he was on their mailing list for over 20 years, receiving Freedoms,
etc. He kept them for me so we could periodically go through
the names looking for Scientologists.]]

[[** note the word "suspicion." I simply refused to believe that Jerry
was a Scientologist until I saw the Washington documents about
8 years later.]]

[[***Paula Tyler, unbeknownst to me, was also a Scientologist,
and she was introduced to me by Margie Shepherd and
Paula in turn introduced me to Jerry. So that's how I was
set up: from Margie to Paula to Jerry. ]]

[[****I may have mentioned in an earlier entry that I now
believe Margie may have had stationery taped to the back
of the clipboard (holding the petition I signed for the
United Farm Workers) and that's how they got my fingerprint..

Or more likely, she grabbed a piece of stationery when
I went into get her a drink, and the stationery was Joy's
which I had touched and that's how they got my fingerprint.
Or she unlocked the little latch for the door so someone
else could come into the apartment later and get my stationery.

According to the FBI, Jerry was the one who actually obtained the
stationery, so she either gave it to him, or he entered the apartment
when I wasn't there and grabbed some paper.]]