'Twas the Night Before Ramadan

[JimDBB]

'Twas the Night Before Ramadan'
> by Mullah Mohammed Omar
>
>
> T'was the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
> Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
>
> The turbans were hung by the firepit with care,
> In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.
>
> The soldiers were restless without any beds,
> While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
>
> Osama in his burkha and I in my cap,
> Had just settled down for a cold winter's nap,
>
> When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
> I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
>
> Away from the racket I ran like a girl,
> Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.
>
> The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow
> And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
>
> When, what to my one good eye should appear,
> But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear,
>
> And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
> I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
>
> More rapid than eagles his forces they came,
> They whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;
>
> Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
> We come for you now; we've taken Kabul!
>
> To the top of the cliffs! To the back of your caves!
> When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
>
> So up to the ledge his forces they flew
> With full magazines, and flamethrowers too.
>
> And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
> The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
>
> As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
> Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
>
> He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
> And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
>
> A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
> He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"
>
> His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear;
> The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
>
> He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
> But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.
>
> I watched with cold fear as his body did slump;
> The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
>
> And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
> About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;
>
> I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
> His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
>
> I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
> But you were too arrogant to understand,
>
> I told you to honor your neighbors and wives;
> Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
>
> You invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
> But you are the last thing that this world needs.
>
> And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
> The last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
>
> Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
> "One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all!"
>

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