God Damn It...
Luke Breinig
my company's web pages. The problem with this is that it has sapped my
will to live. You see, it's not that it's difficult; trained monkeys can
manipulate HTAML and JABBASCRIPT, but I am sent these updates by
*MARKETING PEOPLE!!!1!* Now I think marketing is what you go in to once
you have flunked out of journalism school (and journalism is where the
philosophy flunkies go; philosophy students themselves being English
flunkies). So, to further illustrate my point, let me quote form an
email I received from one of our "Division Marketing Coordinators":
-> Please mark this as a "new product" as well. Make the text flash, or
-> somehow standout.
NO NO NO! GOD DAMN IT NO! THE FUSCKING THING ALREADY HAS FRAMES; I WILL
STOOP NO LOWER.
It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
music..."
Um, no.
--
+-----------------------------------------------------------+
| Luke Breinig - www.lukebreinig.com - LIBARTAREAN D00D |
|Amiga 500/1000/3000 - PII/300 - Mac IIsi- Apple IIgs - C=64|
|"Has this hapened too yuo before? PROBABLY! BECAUSE |
| MANEY OF YUO USE AOL AND MSN AND MICORSOFT SI FOR |
| FAGOTS!" - JeffK |
|(This .sig is more than 4 lines in protest of 4 line .sigs)|
+-----------------------------------------------------------+
Joseph Michael Bay
>It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
>this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
>you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
>music..."
>Um, no.
Hampster dance.
Do it.
--
Joe Bay FLX NAV
Cancer Biology NUC MEM
Leland Stanford Junior University LIF CNT
Nike Educational Facilities and Sweatshops Inc VEH ATM
Carlos Froggy
:>It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
:>this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
:>you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
:>music..."
I've *tried* to make it play music, but my webpage *still* just
gets lost anytime the tune is in key other than Bb or F!
:>Um, no.
Maybe you could just give your webpage a kazoo? Very rapidly?
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@stanford.edu> wrote:
: Hampster dance.
: Do it.
I will do the "Hampster Dance" when they pry it from my cold dead...
Uh... NEVERMIND.
-- F.
* Fro...@neosoft.com ** "The Information Super-Frog" [dibs] *
http://www.angelfire.com/la/carlosmay/
And knowing is half the battle.
People at work will always be telling you to do stupid shit. The trick is to
not do it when you can and when you must, do it in such a way as to make the
appropiate people look like the blarging idiots that they are.
--
"When life hands you a lemon, pull out a gun and start shooting."
"It's all fun and games until somebody gets eaten." - Louis
http://login.internettrash.com/users/lots42/index.html - Mar 20
Work-related pointless blathering. And video games.
Joe Manfre
>Dear Luke.
>
>People at work will always be telling you to do stupid shit. The trick is
>to not do it when you can and when you must, do it in such a way as to
>make the appropiate people look like the blarging idiots that they are.
The "Web Pages That Suck" guy recommends that when some clueless
higher-up requires you to do something nasty with a Web page, you
should put a little note on the page that says "Approved by [their
name]" so all the other Webmasturs out there will know that it
wasn't your fault.
JM
--
Joe Manfre, Hyattsville, Maryland.
Matthew J McIrvin
And knowing is half the battle. <lot...@aol.comaol.com> wrote:
>
>People at work will always be telling you to do stupid shit. The trick is to
>not do it when you can and when you must, do it in such a way as to make the
>appropiate people look like the blarging idiots that they are.
This is where that guy who was in the Army tells his backwards machine
gun trench story.
Damn you Deja for dying so's I can't find out who this was! I typed
"backwards machine gun trench" into Google Groups, and, er, got
interesting results (porn, pro wrestling fanfic). I thought I had
saved the post but apparently I didn't.
Well, he'll speak up, anyway.
This article is probably going to come out labeled "Matthew J.
McIrvin" and people are going to make fun about it but, crap, I don't
feel like explaining. The reason has to do with computery stuff.
Instead I want to talk about my morning stranded on Bagel Island.
This was lovely Bruegger's Bagel Bakery Island in scenic Lake Four
Corners in Woburn, Massachusetts, a lake whose sudden appearance in
what had been a major intersection took some people badly by surprise.
Fortunately I got a non-waterlogged parking space and fortified myself
on lox and bagels.
I don't know what I was even thinking. When I saw that Mystic Valley
Parkway was closed off, I should have gone back home at that moment.
Instead like an idiot I turned north on Route 3, thinking that the
presence of moving traffic indicated some sort of outlet. Actually
everyone was just squeezing through the parking-lot detours around
flooded sections of road on the way toward being stranded somewhere
with no way back. The police could have prevented this, maybe, if
there had been police, but I don't blame them; as I found out later
on, they had their hands full with the effort to keep Winchester from
being inundated by a dam break. I took all this calmly, scanning the
radio and trying to figure out the difference between Smash Mouth and
Everclear, until I came to the obvious and emphatic end of the line,
which was Bagel Island.
Some other folks were NOT so lucky, and ended up in three-foot-deep
water. An ambulance had to wade in and out to get one guy whose feet
had gotten terribly cold while they were immersed in near-freezing
water in his flooded car. Tow trucks sploshed through all morning
slowly towing out waterlogged vehicles. I felt kind of stupid
wandering around this scene sipping coffee and worrying about my own
situation, when somehow I had managed to come through unhurt with a
functioning car in a warm place that was well stocked with food and
toilets and just happened to be surrounded by water.
While at the Bruegger's, I read the Boston Globe and found the story
on "all your base are belong to us." You may stop using it now.
The lead story was something along the lines of "White People Now
Minority in Massachusetts, Local Idiots Probably Alarmed."
I eventually managed to overhear enough information, in between the
desperate "Survivor" jokes being muttered over cell phones, to slog
back out through some lively but shallow rapids and make my way home,
partly by the left-hand maze rule.
For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester. 2A is
passable until it turns onto Summer Street; there's a cop car there
blocking the road to keep people from getting submerged. If you're
headed south on 2A, bear straight toward Mass Ave. in Arlington
Heights instead. That is all.
Daniel Buettner
> In article <20010322031634...@ng-cp1.aol.com>,
> And knowing is half the battle. <lot...@aol.comaol.com> wrote:
>>
>>People at work will always be telling you to do stupid shit. The trick is to
>>not do it when you can and when you must, do it in such a way as to make the
>>appropiate people look like the blarging idiots that they are.
>
> This is where that guy who was in the Army tells his backwards machine
> gun trench story.
>
> Damn you Deja for dying so's I can't find out who this was! I typed
> "backwards machine gun trench" into Google Groups, and, er, got
> interesting results (porn, pro wrestling fanfic). I thought I had
> saved the post but apparently I didn't.
>
> Well, he'll speak up, anyway.
It was beable. It seems that deja^h^h^h^hgoogle has
[REDACTED] that part of history.
--
~
~
~
"Daniel Buettner" line 4 of 4 --100%--
Matthew J McIrvin
>on "all your base are belong to us." You may stop using it now.
>
>The lead story was something along the lines of "White People Now
>Minority in Massachusetts, Local Idiots Probably Alarmed."
I should mention that it was actually *Boston*, not Massachusetts,
and they really didn't say anything about people probably being
alarmed. Everything else I wrote was ABSOLUTELY TRUE!
Bagel Island is REAL... in OUR HEARTS... if we TRULY BELIEVE!
In other news, I am learning to use trn again, and I am kind of liking
it.
In other news, SmarTraveler(TM) conspicuously fails to say anything
at all about the roads that I found immersed in water. They mention
Route 2 but who cares about crummy Route 2? WHAT ABOUT MY RIGHTS??
Matthew J McIrvin
Matthew J McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
>Bagel Island is REAL... in OUR HEARTS... if we TRULY BELIEVE!
SEE!!!!
http://www.imweb.ne.jp/bread/bagel-island/index.html
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Glenn Knickerbocker
> http://www.imweb.ne.jp/bread/bagel-island/index.html
Hey, there are no palm trees in SWEAR!
David DeLaney
>gun trench story.
>
>Damn you Deja for dying so's I can't find out who this was! I typed
>"backwards machine gun trench" into Google Groups, and, er, got
>interesting results (porn, pro wrestling fanfic). I thought I had
>saved the post but apparently I didn't.
Try "backwards machine gun trench army".
>For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
>major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester. 2A is
>passable until it turns onto Summer Street; there's a cop car there
>blocking the road to keep people from getting submerged. If you're
>headed south on 2A, bear straight toward Mass Ave. in Arlington
>Heights instead. That is all.
Where are the powerups located?
Dave "you see a bagel here" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Dramar Ankalle
David DeLaney <d...@gatekeeper.vic.com> wrote in message
news:slrn9bl3p...@gatekeeper.vic.com...
tell them to find the floating train tracks that tells the story about the
aprtment full of chicks that likes natalie merchant late at night and the
next day the paper was all like these couples got married on a boat and some
building was to be the headquarters for the gathering of those who gathered
but didnt know why after the aircraft carrier skipped to my lou and e-mail
comes onto your machine when it is offline, and you posted to groups
impossibly and then you dicovered that freedom upside down is rightside up
or something and where are the titty bars on bagel island anyway the end ok
bye
Yours,
some chick paperback writer
James Kibo Parry
>
> [...] I want to talk about my morning stranded on Bagel Island.
That was the worst Sid & Marty Krofft show ever!
Starring Matthew J McIrvin as "Matt McIrvin", Billy Barty as "Noidbot",
and Gene Rayburn as the lovable "Poozoo".
I can still remember the theme song:
Come on down to Bagel Island
something something something
it's a HOLE lotta fun! HAW HAW HAW!
I never liked the part of the lyrics that just consisted of Sid & Marty
yelling "HAW HAW HAW!" into the microphone while counting their money.
> This was lovely Bruegger's Bagel Bakery Island in scenic Lake Four
> Corners in Woburn, Massachusetts, a lake whose sudden appearance in
> what had been a major intersection took some people badly by surprise.
> Fortunately I got a non-waterlogged parking space and fortified myself
> on lox and bagels.
I won't make the obvious joke about what sort of rocket exhaust came
out of you after you filled yourself with liquid oxygen. I will, however,
say that any place named "Four Corners" is for squares.
> I don't know what I was even thinking. When I saw that Mystic Valley
> Parkway was closed off, I should have gone back home at that moment.
> Instead like an idiot I turned north on Route 3, thinking that the
> presence of moving traffic indicated some sort of outlet. Actually
> everyone was just squeezing through the parking-lot detours around
> flooded sections of road on the way toward being stranded somewhere
> with no way back. The police could have prevented this, maybe, if
> there had been police, but I don't blame them; as I found out later
> on, they had their hands full with the effort to keep Winchester from
> being inundated by a dam break. I took all this calmly, scanning the
> radio and trying to figure out the difference between Smash Mouth and
> Everclear, until I came to the obvious and emphatic end of the line,
> which was Bagel Island.
>
> Some other folks were NOT so lucky, and ended up in three-foot-deep
> water. An ambulance had to wade in and out to get one guy whose feet
> had gotten terribly cold while they were immersed in near-freezing
> water in his flooded car. Tow trucks sploshed through all morning
> slowly towing out waterlogged vehicles. I felt kind of stupid
> wandering around this scene sipping coffee and worrying about my own
> situation, when somehow I had managed to come through unhurt with a
> functioning car in a warm place that was well stocked with food and
> toilets and just happened to be surrounded by water.
This is the worst Homer Price story ever!
"Homer Price and the Amazing Bagel-and-Toilet Machine."
> I eventually managed to overhear enough information, in between the
> desperate "Survivor" jokes being muttered over cell phones, to slog
> back out through some lively but shallow rapids and make my way home,
> partly by the left-hand maze rule.
Haw haw, Matt's neighborhood is SIMPLY connected, topologically speaking!
I say we should go out there and add a traffic circle just to prevent
Matt from ever being able to leave his neighborhood again.
> For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
> major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester. 2A is
> passable until it turns onto Summer Street; there's a cop car there
> blocking the road to keep people from getting submerged. If you're
> headed south on 2A, bear straight toward Mass Ave. in Arlington
> Heights instead. That is all.
That's not the Star Market shaped like an equilateral triangle, is it?
I would hate to be trapped in that one because of rain because I would
immediately go insane trying to determine the optimal arrangement of
food items inside to achieve maximum density without filling the entire
store with countless layers of Doritos.
Does anyone else remember back when they had sharp corners before
the government made them round them off so that babies wouldn't
hurt themselves while eating Doritos?
-- K.
For that matter, has anyone
ever found a Dorito flavor
that doesn't taste the same?
James Kibo Parry
> >
> > As some of you may know, part of my job involves maintaining and updating
> > my company's web pages. The problem with this is that it has sapped my
> > our "Division Marketing Coordinators":
> >
> > -> Please mark this as a "new product" as well. Make the text flash, or
> > -> somehow standout.
> >
> > NO NO NO! GOD DAMN IT NO! THE FUSCKING THING ALREADY HAS FRAMES; I WILL
> > STOOP NO LOWER.
> >
> > It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
> > this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
> > you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
> > music..."
"And knowing is half the battle." (lot...@aol.com) wrote:
>
> Dear Luke.
>
> People at work will always be telling you to do stupid shit. The trick is to
> not do it when you can and when you must, do it in such a way as to make the
> appropiate people look like the blarging idiots that they are.
The one I've always gotten when doing graphic design for corporate clients
is something like this:
ME: "Here's a sketch of it. It looks best on white, like this, or
on light gray, like this."
THEM: "What if you make the background bright green?"
ME: "It will look atrocious."
THEM: "But we won't KNOW if you don't TRY it! It can't hurt to make
one with a bright green background, and if it doesn't look good
we won't use it."
...and of course they use the bright green background.
That conversation happens often enough that there should just be some sort
of button they can push to do it, which would make a little sign drop
from the ceiling which says "WE DO NOT RECOGNIZE THAT THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER
CAN ENVISION WHAT THINGS MIGHT LOOK LIKE WITHOUT ACTUALLY DRAWING THEM
IN COLOR. HOWEVER, WE CAN DO THAT. IT WOULD BE BENEATH US TO ACTUALLY
PUT PEN TO PAPER DO DRAW WHAT WE WANT, DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE'VE ALREADY
MADE UP OUR MINDS ON EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE, SO WE WILL JUST
HIRE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER AND THEN MAKE HIM LOOK AT THIS SIGN OVER AND OVER.
ALSO WE ARE USING ALL CAPITALS BECAUSE THEY ARE EASIER TO READ BECAUSE
THEY ARE BIGGER. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CHANGE THIS ENTIRE SIGN TO EXTRA BOLD."
I always wonder if those people also ever go to court and then insist on
doing their own defense while the lawyer watches.
THEM: "Let's plead insanity. We'll get off."
THEIR LAWYER: "That won't work. This is a civil breach-of-contract suit --"
THEM: "But you don't KNOW that because we haven't TRIED it yet!"
...or...
THEIR DOCTOR: "I'm going to put you on an aspirin a day, and --"
THEM: "Naw, I think it would be better if you took out my kidneys."
THEIR DOCTOR: "But, your kidneys aren't involved with --"
THEM: "But you haven't TRIED it! Look, if it doesn't work, you
don't have to bill me."
-- K.
Someday I should show you guys
the stuff I don't put in my
portfolio, showing the things
like crappy Yellow Pages ads
that were effed up by the client.
"We're switching the ad from
four by four inches to two by
eight inches, so it's the same
size. Oh, and make all the
letters bigger. And can you
make then flash in print?"
Zixia
<GAMDC...@world.std.com>:
>In article <GAM9D...@world.std.com>,
>Matthew J McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
>>
>>While at the Bruegger's, I read the Boston Globe and found the story
>>on "all your base are belong to us." You may stop using it now.
>>
>>The lead story was something along the lines of "White People Now
>>Minority in Massachusetts, Local Idiots Probably Alarmed."
>
>I should mention that it was actually *Boston*, not Massachusetts,
>and they really didn't say anything about people probably being
>alarmed. Everything else I wrote was ABSOLUTELY TRUE!
Ohhh, "Alarmed". Okay, I read it as "Armed". Several times.
It was only when I read this follow-up that I read it properly. I
wonder why I thought that?
--
Zixia - "Not a gurl since 1973"
Schwa Love
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) was all:
> -- K.
>
> For that matter, has anyone
> ever found a Dorito flavor
> that doesn't taste the same?
Only if you go back far enough in time when they made regular plain old
Doritos (or am I supposed to call them "Dorito Toys and
Bricks^W^W^WChips"?) which were Doritos that had so much salt they burned
your tounge, but then they introduced Nacho Cheese Doritos which had so
much salt and magic flavor powder they coated your tounge. Eventually,
they added twenty more flavors like Cool Ranch and Salsa Verde and Aw Fudge
It that were all flavored similarly with the magic flavor powder, but it
wasn't enough! They had to make the chips X-TREEM!!! or something and
added more powder until all you got were twenty different flavored types of
Doritos, but all the did was coat your tounge with saltiness, turn your
fingers yellow, and cut your cheeks on the sharp edges (since the corners
are now illegal... I'm waiting for rubber bumpers on the edges to prevent
other injuries). Somewhere along the line, plain old salty as hell Doritos
(in the blue bag) disappeared. Maybe they still exist, but I ain't seen
them anywhere.
They may make flavors that don't taste the same soon! Looks like their
slogan at "www.doritos.com" is "2001: Be Bold - Be Daring". I for one am
looking forward to the bold and daring new directions in triangular-shaped
snack technologies. Maybe this site has the answer as to where my plain
old salty Doritos have gone! Let's look at what options there are to click
on:
- The Doritos Sessions - The boldest new chat show on the web
- Doritos Zone - Play for a chance to win 10,000! (10,000 of what, they
don't say on the front page)
- Icheewawa - (a gross misspelling of my name to be sure) - Check out the
Loudest Band on Earth! (Yay! Doritos have a band now!)
- Loud Crowd - Keep up to date with Doritos.com!
- More Cool Stuff - Interviews with the Foo Fighters and much more from
the 1999 Gravity Games!
Well goodness! I did not know that a single line of Frito Lay snack
products had so much cool multimedia music x-treme sport party rave youth
of america going for it! Unfortunately, it looks like there isn't anyplace
that describes their STINKIN' PRODUCT LINE!
-- Schwa ---
.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.o
"I had a bad day. I had to subvert my principles and kow-tow to an idiot.
Television makes these daily sacrifices possible. Deadens the inner core
of my being." - Matthew Slaughter in "Trust"
ICQ#37704091 Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA Oo.oO SCHWA
Matt McIrvin
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>Matthew J McIrvin (mmci...@world.std.com) wrote:
>
>> For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
>> major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester.
>
Yes, it IS that one.
>I would hate to be trapped in that one because of rain because I would
>immediately go insane trying to determine the optimal arrangement of
>food items inside to achieve maximum density without filling the entire
>store with countless layers of Doritos.
If the dam breaks at Horn Pond, the issue may be moot.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
> >
> > Matthew J McIrvin (mmci...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
> > > major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester.
> >
> >That's not the Star Market shaped like an equilateral triangle, is it?
>
> Yes, it IS that one.
Good. I prefer my supermarkets shaped like supermarkets and not shapes!!!
> > I would hate to be trapped in that one because of rain because I would
> > immediately go insane trying to determine the optimal arrangement of
> > food items inside to achieve maximum density without filling the entire
> > store with countless layers of Doritos.
>
> If the dam breaks at Horn Pond, the issue may be moot.
Yeah, you can fill ANY supermarket with Doritos if they get soggy enough.
For those of you outside the Boston area, that particular Star Market
(up in the north suburbs) is a nice sixty-degree-by-sixty-degree-by-sixty-
degree triangle, whereas the Bread & Circus (which used to be a Stop & Shop)
in the Back Bay is a perfect circle. I have long labored to fathom what
could possibly happen if the city also had a Pentagon shaped like a
pretzel, or a combination Taco Bell / Pizza Hut shaped like a Venn Diagram.
("Sorry, you're standing in the sliver where they put pepperoni and anchovies
in the burritos.")
What sort of primitive geometric figures exist where YOU shop?
-- K.
I still want a spherical restaurant
that I can roll around from one
location to the next, crushing all
competition in my path. And it
would serve tossed salads, milkshakes,
and bite-size "Dorito Juniors", which
would just be regular Doritos after
someone sat on the bag.
David DeLaney
>What sort of primitive geometric figures exist where YOU shop?
>
> -- K.
>
> I still want a spherical restaurant
> that I can roll around from one
> location to the next, crushing all
> competition in my path.
Oh, we've got that one, except we stuck it up on a spike near downtown for
safe-keeping. And painted it shi-ny gold.
Dave "and now they're experimenting near it with the uses of negative space"
backslider
Luke Breinig <lbre...@alltel.net> wrote:
>It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
>this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
>you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
>music..."
Remember, Macromedia is passionate about what the Web can be. If you
can do it with one of our products, hey, go for it!
rone
except for michael douglas. we mock his web site!
--
Hell Below/Stars Above, the new album from the Toadies. Out March 20.
Go to your favorite record store or visit <URL:http://cdconnection.com/>
See <URL:http://www.thetoadies.com/> for more information.
Darla VladsChyk
>It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
>this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
>you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
>music..."
And yet--- here is a direct quote from one of my clients, in response
to my report that the presentation of his site was a trifle delayed
due to some last minute changes:
"It is alright we look forward with excitement to see the Web, Well it
is like looking forward for a new baby born!"
In labour,
-=D=-
Peter Seebach
>Remember, Macromedia is passionate about what the Web can be. If you
>can do it with one of our products, hey, go for it!
I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver for a small site with no graphics at
all that gets more hits than all but three of the newspapers in Colorado.
-s
--
Copyright 2001, all wrongs reversed. Peter Seebach / se...@plethora.net
C/Unix wizard, Pro-commerce radical, Spam fighter. Boycott Spamazon!
Consulting & Computers: http://www.plethora.net/
Crgre Jvyyneq
00:23:07 GMT]
>
>Yeah, you can fill ANY supermarket with Doritos if they get
>soggy enough.
Now watch Archie plagarize this partial solution of the Dorito
Bandito Monkey-saddle Packing P0rblem.
--
CRGRE
"You might say we're cosmically retarded,"
Stanton Friedman
"In short, what should be taken literally, and what
slipperily?" DRH
David DeLaney
>backslider <^#*&$@ennui.org> wrote:
>>Remember, Macromedia is passionate about what the Web can be. If you
>>can do it with one of our products, hey, go for it!
>
>I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver for a small site with no graphics at
>all that gets more hits than all but three of the newspapers in Colorado.
I do not know how many hits my 8-year-old site gets. But am willing to bet I
generally outrun the physics department whose webserver my site is hidden
upon...
Dave "a homepage by any other name" DeLaney
red
(James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
> ME: "Here's a sketch of it. It looks best on white, like this, or
> on light gray, like this."
>
> THEM: "What if you make the background bright green?"
>
> ME: "It will look atrocious."
>
> THEM: "But we won't KNOW if you don't TRY it! It can't hurt to make
> one with a bright green background, and if it doesn't look good
> we won't use it."
>
> ...and of course they use the bright green background.
Of course. Bright green is so "millenium." And Microsoft does it. WHAT
WOULD MICROSOFT DO???
> That conversation happens often enough that there should just be some
> sort
> of button they can push to do it, which would make a little sign drop
> from the ceiling which says "WE DO NOT RECOGNIZE THAT THE GRAPHIC
> DESIGNER
> CAN ENVISION WHAT THINGS MIGHT LOOK LIKE WITHOUT ACTUALLY DRAWING THEM
> IN COLOR. HOWEVER, WE CAN DO THAT. IT WOULD BE BENEATH US TO ACTUALLY
> PUT PEN TO PAPER DO DRAW WHAT WE WANT, DESPITE THE FACT THAT WE'VE
> ALREADY
> MADE UP OUR MINDS ON EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE, SO WE WILL
> JUST
> HIRE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER AND THEN MAKE HIM LOOK AT THIS SIGN OVER AND
> OVER.
> ALSO WE ARE USING ALL CAPITALS BECAUSE THEY ARE EASIER TO READ BECAUSE
> THEY ARE BIGGER. WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CHANGE THIS ENTIRE SIGN TO EXTRA
> BOLD."
Or, "Here's our competitor's brochure. We want you to make one exactly
like this, only different."
> I always wonder if those people also ever go to court and then insist on
> doing their own defense while the lawyer watches.
>
> THEM: "Let's plead insanity. We'll get off."
>
> THEIR LAWYER: "That won't work. This is a civil breach-of-contract suit
> --"
>
> THEM: "But you don't KNOW that because we haven't TRIED it yet!"
They're paying you good money to try it! Oh yeah, and they need these
printed and delivered to Hong Kong by 9:30 AM Friday.
>
> Someday I should show you guys
> the stuff I don't put in my
> portfolio, showing the things
> like crappy Yellow Pages ads
> that were effed up by the
> client.
>
> "We're switching the ad from
> four by four inches to two by
> eight inches, so it's the same
> size. Oh, and make all the
> letters bigger. And can you
> make then flash in print?"
My blonde blonde blonde trade show girl called me up RIGHT AFTER I
SIGNED OFF ON THE PROOF for some cards saying, "Oops. I forgot to get
the cards approved." Then she called me back an hour later saying,
"Marketing wants to make some changes." So I sent the changes over to
the printer and they patched up the proof and ran the cards. Then Trade
Show Girl called me up and said, "We didn't get the changes approved
yet."
Be so glad you live in Boston, Kibo, and don't generally have to deal
with San Francisco dotcom people.
red
--
www.planetstace.com
"She's got her radio tuned to the Marching Band Station." -Mike, MST3K
Glenn Knickerbocker
>ALSO WE ARE USING ALL CAPITALS BECAUSE THEY ARE EASIER TO READ BECAUSE
>THEY ARE BIGGER.
youre just making that up. theyre using all capitals because using the
shift key is inefficient and using all small letters looks unprofessional.
ŹR Q: HOW MANY RIFTS DOES IT TAKE TO ROB PONCHO? A: TWO
TO EXILE PONCHO AND FIVE TO SUFFER. --SIR DOSENT (257 CE)
http://www.leonatkinson.com/random/index.php3?SCREEN=comic
Jim Vandewalker
Parry) wrote:
>
>For those of you outside the Boston area, that particular Star Market
>(up in the north suburbs) is a nice sixty-degree-by-sixty-degree-by-sixty-
>degree triangle, whereas the Bread & Circus (which used to be a Stop & Shop)
>in the Back Bay is a perfect circle. I have long labored to fathom what
>could possibly happen if the city also had a Pentagon shaped like a
>pretzel, or a combination Taco Bell / Pizza Hut shaped like a Venn Diagram.
>("Sorry, you're standing in the sliver where they put pepperoni and anchovies
>in the burritos.")
>
>What sort of primitive geometric figures exist where YOU shop?
>
> -- K.
Is it a triangle in PLAN or in ELEVATION? If it's a triangle in plan,
wouldn't it be a pyramid? Or would it just be an A-frame?
I live near the shopping center which appeared in 'Edward
Scissorhands'[1] which has a 50 or 60-foot high parabolic arch in the
middle which was Very Futuristic when it was built in the late 1950s but
looks highly retro now. It's painted pink and turquoise.
Jim the Dead Guy
[1] Some scenes were shot in a
restaurant where the para-
bolic arch could be seen
out the window. The restaurant
was a defunct SAMBO's which
has since been torn down.
Carlos May
: THEM: "What if you make the background bright green?"
: ME: "It will look atrocious."
Whaah!!
Luke Breinig
se...@plethora.net says...
> I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver for a small site with no graphics at
> all that gets more hits than all but three of the newspapers in Colorado.
I heartily endorse this product or service. Dreamweaver is the only
WYSIWYG HTML editor that wasn't apparently designed by crazed chimps. I
particularly like the feature where it strips all the MS Word garbage
from your HTML. It comes in handy when someone sends me "content" that
was typed in Word, and they decided to "help" by saving it as "HTML."
--
+-----------------------------------------------------------+
| Luke Breinig - www.lukebreinig.com - LIBARTAREAN D00D |
|Amiga 500/1000/3000 - PII/300 - Mac IIsi- Apple IIgs - C=64|
|"Has this hapened too yuo before? PROBABLY! BECAUSE |
| MANEY OF YUO USE AOL AND MSN AND MICORSOFT SI FOR |
| FAGOTS!" - JeffK |
|(This .sig is more than 4 lines in protest of 4 line .sigs)|
+-----------------------------------------------------------+
Joseph Michael Bay
>Yeah, you can fill ANY supermarket with Doritos if they get soggy enough.
Enough of those Doritos, as you call them, could crush ANYTHING!
--
Joe Bay FLX NAV
Cancer Biology NUC MEM
Leland Stanford Junior University LIF CNT
Nike Educational Facilities and Sweatshops Inc VEH ATM
Schwa Love
se...@plethora.net (Peter Seebach) was all:
>In article <rone.99h6lh$cbf$1...@ennui.org>, backslider <^#*&$@ennui.org>
>wrote:
>>Remember, Macromedia is passionate about what the Web can be. If you
>>can do it with one of our products, hey, go for it!
>
>I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver for a small site with no graphics at
>all that gets more hits than all but three of the newspapers in
>Colorado.
What are you talking about... there are only three newspapers in Colorado.
dhj
> I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver ...
long live vi!
the most perfect editor ever.
- dhj
djacq...@home.com
members.home.net/djacquemin/
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."
-- Homer Simpson
Glenn Knickerbocker
> long live vi!
YM "six". HTH.
robert lindsay
>my company's web pages. The problem with this is that it has sapped my
>manipulate HTAML and JABBASCRIPT, but I am sent these updates by
>*MARKETING PEOPLE!!!1!* Now I think marketing is what you go in to once
>you have flunked out of journalism school (and journalism is where the
>philosophy flunkies go; philosophy students themselves being English
>flunkies). So, to further illustrate my point, let me quote form an
^
|
Incorrect. Journalism is where ex-jocks go, all the ex-philosphers
go to law school, english students either become academics or lesbians.
>email I received from one of our "Division Marketing Coordinators":
^
|
Joy
>-> Please mark this as a "new product" as well. Make the text flash, or
>-> somehow standout.
>
>NO NO NO! GOD DAMN IT NO! THE FUSCKING THING ALREADY HAS FRAMES; I WILL
>STOOP NO LOWER.
our web site, as jebadiah mango pointed out, already blinks. It's not my fault.
Henry Rollin's web site used to also.
>It still wasn't as good as the time one of the sales reps said to me, and
>this is pretty much a direct quote, "You know, this page is kinda boring,
>you know, it doesn't _DO_ anything. Maybe you could make it play
>music..."
Porn Music!
>Um, no.
You know you want to.
--
Robert Lindsay, NASA - Goddard, Greenbelt MD rlin...@seadas.gsfc.nasa.gov
'So the moral of this story is, don't go fishing in the Chemtrails.'
John Winston, alt.religion.kibology, 3/11/01
#include <standard_disclaimer.h> 301-286-9958 ISTJ NON SVM ACERBVS
Glenn Knickerbocker
> go to law school, english students either become academics or lesbians.
I'm starting to feel the urge to buy a Suzanne Vega album.
ŹR
Bill Marcum
Schwa Love wrote in message ...
>>I am proud to say I use DreamWeaver ...
I believe it can get you through the night...
Bill Marcum
Glenn Knickerbocker wrote in message <3AC0B237...@bestweb.net>...
>dhj wrote:
>> long live vi!
>
>YM "six". HTH.
It's the perfect editor for programming in "add one to one hundred".
Beable van Polasm
"CI"?
cheers
Beable van Polasm
--
STOP CAKEHOLING PLANKTON IQC 78189333
-- Joe Bay, Society for Plankton Abuse PREVENTION
http://members.nbci.com/_______/index.html
Bob Manson
Next time you might try "Adam Sandler would like it", or maybe "Andy
Warhol would find it sexually attractive in bright green".
>...and of course they use the bright green background.
Bad client! Bad, bad client! No aesthetic Milkbones for you this week!
> like crappy Yellow Pages ads
> that were effed up by the client.
You... do... Yellow Pages ads? Good lord, I had no idea the economy
was so bad that the mighty Kibo was reduced to designing black text on
yellow paper. You need to get a MacArthur grant or something so you
can do useful work like keeping your website updated.
I'm surprised to learn that Yellow Pages ads are "designed". I
assumed that someone just rolled dice to determine things like font
sizes and which goofy clipart image we get to use this week. "Roll
4d10...#2114...well, uh, sure, we really want the Reddy Kilowatt dude
on our podiatry ad. He's keen. In bright green! 1d6...ok, left-hand
corner. And that's...roll 5d6... 21pt italic font."
Which reminds me, is it "Reddi", "Reddy", "Redi" or some other
variant? I'm too lazy to click on the Netscape icon to do a Google
search to find Mr. Kilowatt's homepage. (I'm morally certain some
insane maniac has put up a homepage for the red volty guy from the 60s
that terrorized me as a child because he could make light bulbs light
up by sucking red electricity from a light socket. And yes, I was
convinced electrons were red.)
I really need a corporate logo. It should be in ASCII art.
Bob
Hexar
Bob Manson wrote in message <99u6l...@enews1.newsguy.com>...
> (I'm morally certain some insane maniac has put up a homepage
>for the red volty guy from the 60s that terrorized me as a child
>because he could make light bulbs light up by sucking red electricity
>from a light socket. And yes, I was convinced electrons were red.)
He's getting updated-
http://www.viridiandesign.org/notes/201-225/00225_reddy_kilowatt_makeo
ver.html
And yes kids you can buy Reddy Kilowatt merchandise-
http://www.reddystore.com/
And people are trading in VINTAGE Reddy Kilowatt merchandise-
http://www.virtual-vintage.com/category2/reddy_kilowatt.shtml
This planet is seriously fucked up.
Reverend Doctor Hexar le Saipe
Goddamn Electric.
Jim Vandewalker
wrote:
{
{ Which reminds me, is it "Reddi", "Reddy", "Redi" or some other
{ variant? I'm too lazy to click on the Netscape icon to do a Google
{ search to find Mr. Kilowatt's homepage. (I'm morally certain some
{ insane maniac has put up a homepage for the red volty guy from the 60s
{ that terrorized me as a child because he could make light bulbs light
{ up by sucking red electricity from a light socket. And yes, I was
{ convinced electrons were red.)
{
{ I really need a corporate logo. It should be in ASCII art.
{ Bob
Here's some info for ya:
X-From_: bru...@yami.57thstreet.com Mon Jan 29 14:49:28 2001
Date: 29 Jan 2001 19:47:53 -0000
From: Bruce Sterling <bru...@well.com>
To: jim...@gate.net
Subject: Viridian Note 00225: Reddy Kilowatt Makeover
Contest
Key concepts: utility mascots, public relations, Viridian
Design contests
Attention Conservation Notice: It's another in our
continuing series of design contests.
Link: some other design contests that pay a lot better
than we Viridians do, courtesy of those fine folks at
core77.com.
http://www.core77.com/calendar/index.html#competitions
(((Electrical utilities are old. Even their mascots are
well past retirement age. That fabulous icon of electric
utility service, "Reddy Kilowatt," was designed way
back in 1925, by an Alabama industry booster and
electro-promotional specialist, Ashton B. Collins.
(((The electro-humanoid Reddy has received a number of
graphic rethinks over the decades. Ashton's original
primitive Reddy was a very peculiar, multi-armed Shiva
creature.)))
Link: Reddy's dad and a Viridian spiritual ancestor,
Ashton B. Collins, Sr.
http://www.elmararuba.com/bdReddyKilowatt.html
Link: Reddy used to be quite the electro-babe electro-
magnet.
http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/misc/reddy1.html
Link: Reddy's so old-fashioned that he still promotes
smoking. The poor guy is totally smokestack-dependent!
http://www.zippo.myweb.nl/READY.HTM
Link: Reddy has some downmarket veteran pals, too:
the eerie "Danny Thunderbolt" and the rural hick "Willie
Wirehand." Danny and Willie still show up at cattle-
calls, but they can't buy themselves an honest gig on a TV
commercial.
http://www.maxcady.com/collectible/rdw/page01.htm
http://www.meckelec.org/williehi.htm
(((Reddy also had a prolonged and scandalous dalliance
with nuclear power, back in its glamor days. More
recently, Reddy was purchased by the Northern States
Power Co., and provided with an upstart nephew, "Reddy
Flame," who shills for the natural gas industry.
(((With his energy-hog lightbulb nose and his original,
short-prone earplugs, Reddy has been quite the global
icon. He's been used by hundreds of utilities worldwide.
He was "Don Kilovatio" in Spain, "Zet Kilowatt" in Brazil,
and "Le Bon Genie de L'Electricite" in Belgium. In Cuba,
Fidel Castro had Reddy liquidated as a class enemy.
(((Today, Reddy is incinerating the planet Earth. If
Reddy doesn't go green, we're going to fry. This bleak
situation demands a brand-new Reddy == in fact, two new
Reddies.
(((The first is Reddy as Reddy really exists in today's
utility environment. "Servant of mankind," my eye! The
guy is flatulent with overpriced gas! He's dissolute!
Rusty! Careless! On the take! An environmental war
criminal bloated with windfall profits, a sucker for every
political fundraiser in DC or the state capitals! Reddy,
for shame!
(((The second Reddy is a total Viridian Reddy rethink:
*Greeny Megawatt!* With-it! Sexy! Consumer-friendly!
Ultra-designed! Renewable and pro-survival!
(((Yes, I know that the immediate urge of our many
contestants will be to do that leprous, Adbusters version
of Reddy. Because Reddy *deserves it* == chainsmoking
his big-coal cigars, prone to alcoholic Stage Three
blackouts, grossly obese and laid up in the OPEC drunk-
tank! But folks == that version is the *easy* one.
That pitch is not going to get us off the hook.
(((Give some mature thought to our serious need for a
consumer-friendly Greeny Megawatt. Utility networks are
not going away. They are far less likely to disappear
than Florida, Bangladesh, Holland and the polar ice caps.
Today, we face the same promotional need that the immortal
Ashton Collins rose to meet in 1925. We need an
imaginative, attractive, humanizing icon for a
sophisticated 21st century cybergreen cyberutility.
(((Mind you, we Viridians do not plan to infringe on the
exclusive merchandising rights to Reddy Kilowatt,
possessed by Northern States Power. Reddy is almost as old
as Mickey Mouse and therefore, just like Mickey Mouse,
Reddy probably belongs by right in the public domain, but,
well, tell it to Disney lobbyists. Our Viridian Makeover
of Reddy Kilowatt is *a legally protected parody,* all
right? It's *funny,* it's an act of *satirical humor.*
We promise that we won't do Reddy any harm ==
at least, no more than Northern Power did when they
removed his classic insulating rubber booties
and gave him, ugh, velcro joggers.
(((So: redesign Reddy Kilowatt, and place this image on a
webpage where the rest of us can see it. Send me the
address and I will post it to the Viridian List. The
winning design will be the one which creates the most
severe cognitive dissonance when it comes to traditional
utilities == the fresh and innovative Reddy design that
makes a naive passerby stop dead and say, "Whoa! Check
that electro-dude out! Electricity is an entirely
different world now!"
(((The winner of the Reddy Kilowatt Makeover Contest
receives a coveted and attractive "REDDY KILOWATT Bobble
Head Statuette!" A proven treat! Yes, we have one of
these bobbling Reddys here at the Viridian Vatican, where
Reddy has provoked much admiring comment, especially last
Christmas when we had him riding a windmill bareback.)))
Links: Wobblers on the Web
http://www.funko.com/nodders/reddyk/reddyk.htm
http://www.mcphee.com/products/lab/M5639.html
This contest ends on March 20, 02000, the first day of
Spring.
O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O
"THE AGELESS SYMBOL OF RELIABILITY AND SERVICE"
O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O O=c=O
Kev In, Boyz Out
rlin...@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov (robert lindsay) wrote:
>our web site, as jebadiah mango pointed out, already blinks. It's not my fault.
Of course it's your fault; your name is on the bottom. Right next to a
terribly obvious and ethnically offensive joke. I think "Long Wang"
should be required to change his name and attend a 5-day sensitivity
training course.
And where's the line what lists the "Responsible NASA official"? Huh?
Huh? Somewhere it says you have to do that. Every single other NASA
page has one.
If they can put a man on the friggin' moon, and make arcane rules about
web site requirements, why can't they make a search engine that does
anything right, or just use Google? And those little airplane packets
of ISO 9**1, what's up with them?
-Kev "Mission success starts with 'M'" in
robert lindsay
Kev In, Boyz Out <kbo...@toad.net> wrote:
>In article <3ac0efbb$0$16632$45be...@newscene.com>,
> rlin...@shark.gsfc.nasa.gov (robert lindsay) wrote:
>
>>our web site, as jebadiah mango pointed out, already blinks. It's not my fault.
>
>Of course it's your fault; your name is on the bottom. Right next to a
>terribly obvious and ethnically offensive joke. I think "Long Wang"
>should be required to change his name and attend a 5-day sensitivity
>training course.
Hey, it's his name. Although I'd like to send on him a 5 day training
course and get back Jodi, the kute bass player, but she was married
anyway.
>And where's the line what lists the "Responsible NASA official"? Huh?
>Huh? Somewhere it says you have to do that. Every single other NASA
>page has one.
Because we are all fukken CONTRACTORS, dude. It's not like we do anything
important.
>If they can put a man on the friggin' moon, and make arcane rules about
>web site requirements, why can't they make a search engine that does
>anything right, or just use Google? And those little airplane packets
>of ISO 9**1, what's up with them?
We already had our 9001 training thankyouverymuch. I'm looking up my proper
reponse to this stimulus RIGHT NOW, IYKWIM....
>-Kev "Mission success starts with 'M'" in
Girlz go to Mars to be rock starz
Boys go to Jupiter...
Happy Reaper
> David DeLaney <d...@gatekeeper.vic.com> wrote in message
> news:slrn9bl3p...@gatekeeper.vic.com...
> > Matthew J McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
> > >This is where that guy who was in the Army tells his backwards machine
> > >gun trench story.
> > >
> > >Damn you Deja for dying so's I can't find out who this was! I typed
> > >"backwards machine gun trench" into Google Groups, and, er, got
> > >interesting results (porn, pro wrestling fanfic). I thought I had
> > >saved the post but apparently I didn't.
> >
> > Try "backwards machine gun trench army".
> >
> > >For anyone in the area who might be listening: Route 3 is blocked by
> > >major ponds at Mahoney's and the Star Market in Winchester. 2A is
> > >passable until it turns onto Summer Street; there's a cop car there
> > >blocking the road to keep people from getting submerged. If you're
> > >headed south on 2A, bear straight toward Mass Ave. in Arlington
> > >Heights instead. That is all.
> >
> > Where are the powerups located?
> >
> > Dave "you see a bagel here" DeLaney
> > \/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the
> flower
> > It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone
> to see
> > Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET
> VRbeable<BLINK>
> > http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all
> CAPS! --K.
>
> aprtment full of chicks that likes natalie merchant late at night and the
> next day the paper was all like these couples got married on a boat and some
> building was to be the headquarters for the gathering of those who gathered
> but didnt know why after the aircraft carrier skipped to my lou and e-mail
> comes onto your machine when it is offline, and you posted to groups
> impossibly and then you dicovered that freedom upside down is rightside up
> or something and where are the titty bars on bagel island anyway the end ok
> bye
>
> Yours,
>
> some chick paperback writer
Also also, 253.17
"on us. Our boat was going so fast it seemed to be skipping"(Evil Spy School)
"formats.The movie as a whole is dreadful but the climatic action sequence is" (The Meinertzhagen Mystery)
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/is (For Bill Clinton)
Also see Psalm 29:6 and 114:4
Leo "ALABASTERD!" Sgouros