A Single Penny
Jacob W. Haller
You always hear the usual stories of pennies on the sidewalk being good
luck, gifts from angels, etc. This is the first time I've ever heard
this twist on the story. Gives you something to think about.
Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to
spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene,
was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine
home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house, and many
other examples of conspicuous assumption.
The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have
this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer
was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants.
Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind
of extravagance again, so was enjoying herself immensely.
As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that
evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband.
He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent
moment.
Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on
the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and
a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up
the penny.
He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a
great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single
penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?
Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could
stand it no longer. She causally mentioned that her daughter once had a
coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some
value.
A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for
the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies
before! What was the point of this?
"Look at it." he said. "What do you see." She read the words "United
States of America."
"No, not that; keep looking."
"One cent?" "No, keep looking."
"In God we Trust?" "No," "What?"
"You see that picture of a harmonica on the back? I made my first dime
playing the harmonica in the red light district, and I make millions
this very day from my harmonica plants in China. This harmonica is
found on every single American penny, and yet nobody notices! Who am I
--"
Arlene looked puzzled. "Harmonica? You mean the picture of the Lincoln
Memorial?"
Now it was the man's turn to look puzzled. A frown creased his face.
"Memorial? What are you talking about?" At her urging, he examined the
penny with a magnifying glass and verified that the little statue of
Lincoln was visible inside the Memorial.
A week later, the man had Arlene and her entire family whacked. If
you're reading this, it means he finally got me too.
When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I
stopped and picked it up. I looked at the little image of the Lincoln
Memorial and had to laugh. I realized that I had been worrying and
fretting in my mind about things I can't change and that in reality our
fate is in the hands of the absurdly rich, who could snuff out our lives
without a second thought, and that these near-omnipotent oligarchs
AREN'T EVEN THAT BRIGHT.
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
3 nails
1 cross
--------
2 rture
That's the whole threat simply stated. Next time someone you work with
pisses you off, take 60 seconds give this a shot!
-jwgh
--
"'God damn, this banjo will make a club!'"
-- John Brunner, _No Other Gods But Me_ (1966)
James Kibo Parry
>
> [...]
>
> A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for
> the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies
> before! What was the point of this?
>
> "Look at it." he said. "What do you see." She read the words "United
> States of America."
>
> "No, not that; keep looking."
>
> "One cent?" "No, keep looking."
>
> "In God we Trust?" "No," "What?"
>
> "You see that picture of a harmonica on the back? I made my first dime
> playing the harmonica in the red light district, and I make millions
> this very day from my harmonica plants in China. This harmonica is
> found on every single American penny, and yet nobody notices! Who am I
> --"
>
> Arlene looked puzzled. "Harmonica? You mean the picture of the Lincoln
> Memorial?"
>
> Now it was the man's turn to look puzzled. A frown creased his face.
> "Memorial? What are you talking about?" At her urging, he examined the
> penny with a magnifying glass and verified that the little statue of
> Lincoln was visible inside the Memorial.
>
> A week later, the man had Arlene and her entire family whacked. If
> you're reading this, it means he finally got me too.
If Rod Serling wrote glurge, you'd be him. Then you'd see yourself
in the mirror and there would be a scary music sting! Then you'd fall
out a window or something to wrap up the story really fast and the
camera would pan over to a handsome, well-dressed man named
B. E. Elzebub smiling as he flips a penny at the end of this episode,
"A Penny's Worth Of Evil!"
Short shameful confession: You know those people who walk up to you
on the street and tell you a made-up (usually somewhat implausible)
sob story about how they need an extra ten dollars to hire someone to come
out and get their car keys out of the sewer grate or whatever because
they have three kids and believe in God? I enjoy playing along with
those people even though I know they're usually scammers, because I
get entertainment out of watching poorly-thought-out minor scams
(it's like if "Mission: Impossible" were written by the people from
"Space: 1999" and starred those bad actors from "Space: 1999"!) so
this week when a guy in a business suit (carrying his jacket draped
over his shoulder on a hot day) told me he needed $13.50 to get his
car's flat tire repaired because he had two kids (and was carrying
his jacket because he didn't think of leaving it in his imaginary car)
and couldn't leave his cell phone with the garage as collateral and
had two kids, I thought he looked like a relatively nice guy as scammers
go so I gave him $20 and then he decided he was saying "$30.50" and
I was mis-hearing "13.50" so I gave him a second $20 and he started
giving me the usual speech about how he wanted my address so I could
pay him back and I told him not to because I was giving him the money
because he REALLY NEEDED IT, and this pained look crossed his face
like he was about to cry and got all freaked out by the fact that
I just gave him $40 and he started explaining to me that it was all
a scam and I told him he could keep the money and I think I blew his
mind. Sure, $40's a lot a money for me to part with, but I only do
this once in a while, but it was great to finally see one of these people's
scams crumble under the unrelenting pressure of Unconditional Niceness,
and beside, I got to write that really long sentence about it.
And that is how I out-glurged a professional scammer.
-- K.
Also, now I don't have to give anyone
any more money for the next six months.
Glenn Knickerbocker
> And that is how I out-glurged a professional scammer.
You do this exactly twice as well as I do. I have to wait a whole year.
ŹR
Gregory King
Hey, the same exact thing happened to me a couple weeks ago, except for
the part about realizing it's a scam. I even gave the guy a piece of junk
mail with my address on it. I think maybe I would have been quicker to
debunk if I had given him my full attention, but I was also thinking about
how my car was blocking traffic in a busy parking lot. Still, even though
I gave him all my cash, it was less than half of what Kibo paid.
Gullibility wins!
--
Greg
http://flyingpawn.com
Randomizers don't justify boring .sigs.
Gregory King
"barbar"? My newsreader is making up pet names for you!
> But donut give them your address. Donut give strangers your address
> unless you don't mind if they show up at your or give your address to
> other people to use for other scams. If you can't afford to give away
> $10 or $20 to a stranger, whether you believe the story or not, don't
> give it.
I heard the same thing from the first person I told the story to, but I am
still not sure I believe it. I am just one of millions of people whose
addresses are publicly available. Is this guy really going to go out of
his way to specifically target someone who gave him seventeen bucks?
Besides, it's not nearly as bad when I was alone in my parents' house and
opened the door to a hobo in the middle of the night and loaned him a
blanket. At least he was nice enough to return the blanket in the morning.
James Vandenberg
What I do is to have a wallet with only five cents in it. Then, when I
am asked for money, I pull out my wallet and say "I'm a student, I'm
broke. If I had any money to give you I would. But I don't. I'm really
sorry."
Ja-unfortunately-I-lack-a-second-wallet-full-of-money-mes
--
James Vandenberg Email: james at vandenberg.dropbear.id.au
GPG FP= 65AB 179A D884 EDC6 216D FE6A 6833 02BC 4425 4F70
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur. ICQ: 151135390
Beware! Sometimes forks and candles fall from the sky.
Louis Nick III
> "Gregory King" <gr...@flyingpawn.com> wrote:
> >Gullibility wins!
>
> I gave money to one of those guys a few months ago. He said he needed
> cab fare because his car had broken down. Some of the folks I was
> with actually believed him or wanted to believe him and said they were
> giving him the money only because they did believe him. I said I was
> giving it even though I didn't believe it but he did a good job of
> telling us a moderately plausible story and not pressuring us. He was
> black and we were white suburban out-of-towners, so of course we had
> to give him money to show that we didn't distrust him just because he
> was black and accosting us late at night in downtown Durham.
There's a great story on this over a This American Life:
http://207.70.82.73/pages/descriptions/97/86.html No longer available
for free, but now available at Audible.com:
http://tinyurl.com/pseu
It's the story of a guy named Nick Ward who ran this scam in Philly for
years and years, telling people that he'd gotten robbed while visiting
the city and he just wanted to go back home. He mostly went after
white, hopefully liberal well-off folks who could spare the money and
would rather, as one victim put it, be a sucker than a bigot-- Ward was
black and would play up the racism angle if a mark started to walk away.
The weird part about Nick Ward was that he would give the victim what he
claimed was his address and phone number. The address, I think, was
junk, but the phone number was the same phone number he gave to
everyone, and it happened to belong to a reporter who was on medical
leave. She started putting all the victims in touch with one another.
As a result of this weird victim-network, they caught the guy, thanks to
an assistant district attorney who know about the case and was
approached by Nick Ward. He went through the rigamarole with Ward, even
going so far as to go to the ATM to give Ward $60 or $80. Then he
called the cops and the money was Exhibit A (with the exchange of
addresses being exhibits being the other main exhibits, because it's not
illegal to take someone's money under false pretences, apparently,
unless you promise something you don't deliever-- Ward was promising to
pay them back-- therein lies the crime, I guess). The ADA was so proud
of this, he actually keeps those bills on his mantle as a souvenir.
As for my experience, I can truly confess that the one guy I gave money
to was a guy who reminded me, in several ways, of Kibo. He was
obviously an out-of-work nerd of the engineer type, very respectful, and
he backed off when I gave him the sign. I figured I'd be him someday,
though hopefully not in his position re: housing.
On the other hand, I did not give money to the guy who was constantly
running out of gas (at one point, 3 days in a row I came across the guy
and he asked) at the same part of Seattle Center. Of course he was
lying, but if he was being honest, he was too stupid to being operating
a car.
LAN3
Sometimes I'm too stupid to operate a wallet.
swt
news:MPG.19e9e8e3a...@news.seanet.com...
> There's a great story on this over a This American Life:
I'm metooing to this post to concur that it was a great story (and that TAL
is a wonderful, surprising, intimate and honest show in general). Over the
course of the story, they bring up the point that some people were
absolutely furious when they learned they'd been conned...maybe even angrier
than they would have been if someone had just stolen money from their car.
Some cities actually post signs advising people to give money to organized
charities, NOT to panhandlers or "will work for food" beggars. That's
pretty good advice; your is likely to do more good. Charities are also more
likely than random street people to to give you a receipt for the tax
deduction. I myself don't give money to strangers (I say 'Do we need to
call the police?' in a nasty tone of voice and walk away, because Ich Bin
Ein Bastard). I do try to send checks for good causes (including the
creation of more episodes of This American Life).
I think the race card is just one way to make people feel guilty if they
don't give you money. (It's an effective one, of course, as Jesse Jackson
can attest). Guilt is a good motivator.
Guilt doesn't always work, though. At a dinner, once, a vegan tried to make
me feel bad for all the animals I was killing by eating them. Plus an extra
layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't quite
clear who was getting killed in that case. This was the type of vegan whose
dinner conversation consists of trying to make everyone else at the table
feel ashamed of themselves. That's the only type of vegan I've ever met,
actually. That partly explains why I mocked her by accusing her of
ass-hypocricy for sitting on a wooden chair: Think of the trees! The
TREEEEEEEES! Then she turned and made conversation with someone else and
pretended not to hear me saying "Salad! It's what food eats!" and "Boy am I
hungry...I could MURDER a steak right now!"
In conclusion, pushing people's buttons can be fun.
--
,, If I gave my heart...to you \ /
W () I'd have none and you'd...have two (oo)
|->< swt {dumpl...@hotmail.com} """"
| )(\ DID STEPHEN WILL TANNER EAT THE BANANA OF NOT BEING HERE?!?
swt
news:lS_fb.44224$gv5.40412@fed1read05...
> Some cities actually post signs advising people to give money to organized
> charities, NOT to panhandlers or "will work for food" beggars. That's
> pretty good advice; your is likely to do more good. Charities are also
more
Oh no! Someone stole my 'money'!
Highlights for Kibologists: FIND THE MISSING NOUN
VALKYRIE SHOT THE VERB.
> likely than random street people to to give you a receipt for the tax
^^^^^
But they gave me an extra 'to'. Now I can defeat The Hooded Fang.
Joseph Michael Bay
>"Louis Nick III" <sun...@seanet.com> wrote in message
>news:MPG.19e9e8e3a...@news.seanet.com...
>> There's a great story on this over a This American Life:
>[...]
>I'm metooing to this post to concur that it was a great story (and that TAL
>is a wonderful, surprising, intimate and honest show in general). Over the
>course of the story, they bring up the point that some people were
>absolutely furious when they learned they'd been conned...maybe even angrier
>than they would have been if someone had just stolen money from their car.
>Some cities actually post signs advising people to give money to organized
>charities, NOT to panhandlers or "will work for food" beggars. That's
>pretty good advice; your is likely to do more good. Charities are also more
>likely than random street people to to give you a receipt for the tax
>deduction.
A few years ago a homeless-looking guy on the steps of a church in
North Beach (San Franclisco) actually gave me a receipt for "tax purposes",
and, as I recall, he either left the amount blank or credited me with
donating substantially more than I actually gave him.
Unfortunately (probably) I'm pretty sure I did the standard deduction
that year, so his totally awesome charity deal didn't work out.
--
Chimes peal joy. Bah. Joseph Michael Bay
Icy colon barge Cancer Biology
Frosty divine Saturn Stanford University
www.stanford.edu/~jmbay/ fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
Louis Nick III
> A few years ago a homeless-looking guy on the steps of a church in
> North Beach (San Franclisco) actually gave me a receipt for "tax purposes",
> and, as I recall, he either left the amount blank or credited me with
> donating substantially more than I actually gave him.
>
> Unfortunately (probably) I'm pretty sure I did the standard deduction
> that year, so his totally awesome charity deal didn't work out.
Note to self-- when scamming people to pay for booze, fake up a 501(c)
(3) Tax ID #.
-LAN3
Of course, a blank receipt could come in handy for the next business
trip.
Glenn Knickerbocker
> layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't quite
> clear who was getting killed in that case.
I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the product
of "animal slavery."
ŹR
Jacob W. Haller
EPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTRFUTPLEXPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREP
OSTREPOSTREPOSTREPBEABLEOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOS
| Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
| Subject: Re: Today's quasi-almost-non-daily TV commercial complaint
| #20010511a.
| From: jw...@earthlink.net (Jacob W. Haller)
| Message-ID: <1eu66np.if8j231ry5w5iN%jw...@earthlink.net>
| Date: Tue, 29 May 2001 17:22:35 GMT
|
| James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
|
| [. . .]
| > Sid Krofft still cries himself to sleep every night over the damage
| > he did to American children's minds with this evil, hyper-violent
| > creation that tells them to eat a mixture of sugar and dye.
|
| One of my steps on the way to enlightenment occurred when I observed
| that the packets of Kool-Aid that require you to add sugar say that
| Kool-Aid has zero calories. That's right! No calories! If you ruin
| it by adding water and sugar it's your own fault, not Kool-Aid(tm)'s!
|
| > [. . .] a Slim Jim at "Bampy's" gas station and grocery store.
| > [. . .]
|
| I lived in a student-owned house in Providence for a couple of years.
| There was also a food co-op associated with the house, and one of the
| rules was, you had to help cook at least one meal a week.
|
| This worked OK, but there was one problem: The vegans. (As if.
| There were lots of problems. But for now I'll ignore all of the
| problems apart from the vegans.)
|
| Vegans won't eat any animal products. (One of the vegans involved in
| this story wouldn't eat honey.) Mostly people didn't mind making all
| the house meals vegetarian, since vegetables were generally cheaper
| than meat and most rotting vegetables are much less disgusting than
| most rotting meat, and anyway you could always get a pizza if the meat
| craving got too much, but veganism was different. Partly because it
| was often difficult to come up with vegan versions of some dishes (the
| search for an adequate vegan brownie was never completed successfully,
| for instance) and partly because vegan food tend to be friggin'
| expensive, soy milk being a case in point.
|
| Plus, we bought a bunch of margarine at one point and it turned out to
| have some dairy extract in it so nobody would eat it, the vegans
| wanting something completely free of animal products and the
| non-vegans wanting butter.
|
| But by and large people were tolerant of the vegans if slightly grumpy
| about them.
|
| Then the guy who wouldn't eat honey announced that he no longer wanted
| to be called a vegan because he felt it had negative connotations. He
| still wouldn't eat honey or butter or anything; he just disliked the
| label. Shortly after that, the other vegan had a brief lapse from
| veganism during which he ate a Slim Jim (after which he resumed his
| veganism full force).
|
| These engendered a certain amount of resentment among some of the
| non-vegans, who felt that they (the non-vegans) were taking the
| vegans' convictions more seriously than the vegans were.
|
| This all cuminated in...well, no, actually it didn't culminate in much
| of anything. We did tease the Slim Jim guy a lot after that, though.
|
| Oh, a related story. While I was involved in the above situation I
| visited my great-uncle, a historian with a very open mind and tolerant
| personality who also happens to like dairy products a lot. I happened
| to get on the topic of the vegans, and I explained the concept of
| veganism to him. A tolerant but slightly puzzled look came across his
| face, and he asked, "Do they eat cheese?" From this we deduce that my
| great-uncle is not Kibo.
|
| -jwgh
|
| --
| "Some people think they are Jesus Christ or Napolean, but they can't
| all be right."
| - Stephen Hawking, /Black Holes and Baby Universes and other
| Essays/"
EPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSATOROSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREP
OSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOSAREPOSTREPOSTREPOSTREPOS
Kevin S. Wilson
<no...@bestweb.net> wrote:
>I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the product
>of "animal slavery."
I don't either, but that's because I hardly know her.
--
Kevin S. Wilson
Tech Writer at a University Somewhere in Idaho
"You can safely ignore Kevin in order to
maximise life's experience." --A. Loon, in alt.religion.kibology
Captain Infinity
That's NOTHING! Last Friday I gave $210.00 to some guy who was
repeatedly punching me in the head! HA! I WIN!
**
Captain Infinity
Matt McIrvin
Louis Nick III <sun...@seanet.com> wrote:
> It's the story of a guy named Nick Ward who ran this scam in Philly for
> years and years, telling people that he'd gotten robbed while visiting
> the city and he just wanted to go back home. He mostly went after
> white, hopefully liberal well-off folks who could spare the money and
> would rather, as one victim put it, be a sucker than a bigot-- Ward was
> black and would play up the racism angle if a mark started to walk away.
I used to draw the line at falling for it twice from the same guy.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
James Kibo Parry
>
> I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the product
> of "animal slavery."
I see, so, if we pinned little American flags on all the bees to make sure
that they realize they're free, your friend would enjoy eating bug shit?
Maybe you should point out that even when your friend is eating a bowl
of raw millet or whatever that the vegetables and grains they're eating
had to be harvested by HUMAN ANIMALS who are slaves to their crops!
And whenever they're drinking water, it's water FISH could have been
swimming in if they weren't drinking it! By drinking that glass of
water, they caused the ocean to be eight ounces smaller, making all
the little fishies feel cramped and penned in! Just like we took away
99.999% of the land the American Indians owned, your friend is taking
away 0.00000000000001% of the water the fish want to cavort in!
-- K.
Speaking of honey-style goo:
I just bought a tube of epoxy
(well, two tubes of half of epoxy,
actually) in a box marked
"MOLECULAR CONNECTER" (yes,
spelled that way.) I would like
to know if there are any consumer
products which can't be advertised
as having molecules that might
sometimes be touching each other.
kerri
news:kibo-07100...@10.0.1.2:
> And whenever they're drinking water, it's water FISH could have been
> swimming in
Not to mention that the fish may also have been se><0ring in it!
Does that Brita filter screen out fugu goo?
--kerri
(this ps0t is eight percent funnier)
Andrew Pearson
>
> "Louis Nick III" <sun...@seanet.com> wrote in message
> news:MPG.19e9e8e3a...@news.seanet.com...
> > There's a great story on this over a This American Life:
> [...]
[... things went here ...]
> Guilt doesn't always work, though. At a dinner, once, a vegan tried to make
> me feel bad for all the animals I was killing by eating them. Plus an extra
> layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though [...]
Yabbut is it really moral the way that the vegans collared Suzanne Vega
and brainwashed her with that bit out of the Hitchhikers Guide to the
Galaxy? Sure, she volunteered to be a gigantic Suzanne Vega 57 living in
a tank with vegans gnawing away at her extremities for nutrition, but it
all seems a bit suspect to me.
> In conclusion, pushing people's buttons can be fun.
>
Right, enfin j'ai compris! So that's the benefit of the push-button
world of the future!
--
'"Nobody quotes me in .sig files anymore"
Glenn Knickerbocker, ARK, July 10 2002'
Leo Sgouros, ARK, July 10 2002
Otto Bahn, ARK, July 10 2002.
Kurt
all on board but Adam ...
>
>> Glenn Knickerbocker (no...@bestweb.net) wrote:
>>>
>>> I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the
>>> product of "animal slavery."
>> And whenever they're drinking water, it's water FISH could have been
>> swimming in if they weren't drinking it! By drinking that glass of
>> water, they caused the ocean to be eight ounces smaller, making all
>> the little fishies feel cramped and penned in! Just like we took
>> away 99.999% of the land the American Indians owned, your friend is
>> taking away 0.00000000000001% of the water the fish want to cavort
>> in!
>
>
After it's been through your BODY. Meaning all those poor little fish
are swimming in diluted wee. I think the fish would be happier in the
end if it didn't come back at all.
--
Kurt *Kill the nospam to reply* <-- (not Perth)
Oh, so I'm being compared to apartheid now, am I? I'm moving up in the
world.
-- RGMW outtake
Talysman the Ur-Beatle
news:foOgb.870$nn6.7...@news-text.cableinet.net:
> On Wednesday 08 October 2003 02:36, James Kibo Parry wrote:
>
>> Glenn Knickerbocker (no...@bestweb.net) wrote:
>>>
>>> I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the
>>> product of "animal slavery."
> ...
>> And whenever they're drinking water, it's water FISH could have been
>> swimming in if they weren't drinking it! By drinking that glass of
>> water, they caused the ocean to be eight ounces smaller, making all
>> the little fishies feel cramped and penned in! Just like we took
>> away 99.999% of the land the American Indians owned, your friend is
>> taking away 0.00000000000001% of the water the fish want to cavort
>> in!
>
> That 8 oz glass of water DOES make it back to the ocean EVENTUALLY.
yeah, they say you only RENT the ocean!
Rich Holmes
> Guilt doesn't always work, though. At a dinner, once, a vegan tried to make
> me feel bad for all the animals I was killing by eating them. Plus an extra
> layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't quite
> clear who was getting killed in that case. This was the type of vegan whose
> dinner conversation consists of trying to make everyone else at the table
> feel ashamed of themselves. That's the only type of vegan I've ever met,
> actually.
<http://members.aol.com/berrymanp/alyrics/dave.html>
--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>
"IE should let web pages use your credit card to buy five tons of gravel!"
"IE should let web pages give you a wedgie and paint Smurfs on your face!"
- Dag and Manfire
Rich Holmes
> Glenn Knickerbocker (no...@bestweb.net) wrote:
> >
> > I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the product
> > of "animal slavery."
>
> I see, so, if we pinned little American flags on all the bees to make sure
> that they realize they're free, your friend would enjoy eating bug shit?
That's bug VOMIT, you pukey stupid. If you're gonna be sarcastic, at
least be RIGHT.
Paddy Smith
Do these people not REALISE that BEES are ENSLAVED in order to POLLINATE the
PLANTS they eat? How does your ORGANIC PARSNIP taste NOW, EH? I thought so.
And let's not even GET INTO what they do to YEAST.
Paddy
Joseph Michael Bay
>ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) writes:
>> Glenn Knickerbocker (no...@bestweb.net) wrote:
>> >
>> > I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the product
>> > of "animal slavery."
>>
>> I see, so, if we pinned little American flags on all the bees to make sure
>> that they realize they're free, your friend would enjoy eating bug shit?
>That's bug VOMIT, you pukey stupid. If you're gonna be sarcastic, at
>least be RIGHT.
Please check your facts before posting nonsenese to this UN Newsgroup.
Beable van Polasm
Yeah but you'll note that these "vegans" condemn animal slavery, but
they're totally into PLANT SLAVERY!! If they REALLY cared, they'd only
eat FRUIT!
My, that was a primo slime mold!
--
I wouldn't burn my bridges and confine them to one area -- Sir Joh
http://beable.com/
David DeLaney
> (well, two tubes of half of epoxy,
> actually) in a box marked
> "MOLECULAR CONNECTER" (yes,
> spelled that way.) I would like
> to know if there are any consumer
> products which can't be advertised
> as having molecules that might
> sometimes be touching each other.
GE: We bring good things to light!
Dave "no wait, that's not it..." DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Kurt
all on board but Adam ...
>>> That 8 oz glass of water DOES make it back to the ocean EVENTUALLY.
>>>
>> After it's been through your BODY. Meaning all those poor little fish
>> are swimming in diluted wee. I think the fish would be happier in the
>> end if it didn't come back at all.
>
> They would DRY OUT completely.
>
> Are you OPPOSED to RECYCLING?!?!
>
This is why we have a SPACE PROGRAM. The search for new worlds with
unrecycled water which we can then bring back to Earth in modified Space
Shuttles. Then the Shuttle will return to Planet X with the recycled pee
water and the Earth will be saved!
Louis Nick III
> Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> writes:
> > swt wrote:
> > > layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't
> > > quite clear who was getting killed in that case.
> >
> > I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the
> > product of "animal slavery."
>
> Yeah but you'll note that these "vegans" condemn animal slavery, but
> they're totally into PLANT SLAVERY!! If they REALLY cared, they'd only
> eat FRUIT!
What about the reproductive rights of plants? Don't they care about
those? I'm afraid fruit is right out. Surely there are some other
kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
-LAN3
Kurt
all on board but Adam ...
>>> Are you OPPOSED to RECYCLING?!?!
>>>
>> This is why we have a SPACE PROGRAM. The search for new worlds with
>> unrecycled water which we can then bring back to Earth in modified
>> Space Shuttles. Then the Shuttle will return to Planet X with the
>> recycled pee water and the Earth will be saved!
>
> DAVID BOWIE tried to do something like this!
>
But he FELL. One day I will watch the movie and determine if he could
subsequently get up.
Rich Holmes
> What about the reproductive rights of plants? Don't they care about
> those? I'm afraid fruit is right out. Surely there are some other
> kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
<http://www.geocities.com/willboyne/nosurrender/DontSlay.html>
and, a bit more Kibologically,
<http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/carrotju.htm>
Glenn Knickerbocker
> But he FELL. One day I will watch the movie and determine if he could
> subsequently get up.
Hello! Mary Lou! could he get up!
Also, http://imdb.com/title/tt0197661/?
ŹR
Joseph Michael Bay
>In alt.religion.louis-nick, beable+...@beable.com.invalid wrote:
>> Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> writes:
>> > swt wrote:
>> > > layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't
>> > > quite clear who was getting killed in that case.
>> >
>> > I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the
>> > product of "animal slavery."
>>
>> Yeah but you'll note that these "vegans" condemn animal slavery, but
>> they're totally into PLANT SLAVERY!! If they REALLY cared, they'd only
>> eat FRUIT!
>What about the reproductive rights of plants? Don't they care about
>those? I'm afraid fruit is right out.
Whaaa...? Sometimes fruit seeds *need* to take a trip through
some intestines in order to grow (once they've come out the other
end). So fruit's fine, as long as you poop outside (they don't
wear clothes! They poop outside!).
>Surely there are some other
>kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
Mushrooms, smut, and Marmite.
Talysman the Ur-Beatle
@news.Stanford.EDU:
> Louis Nick III <sun...@seanet.com> writes:
>>Surely there are some other
>>kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
>
> Mushrooms, smut, and Marmite.
I am interested in this "all-porn" diet you are proposing.
also, we know you are trolling, because marmites are furry little mammals
that portuguese people like to crunch.
Kurt
Does Jim Varney make a cameo in it?
Theresa Willis
wrote:
Surely it is OK to eat plants who use the "eat my fruit, and poop out
my seeds to disperse and fertilize them" strategy.
That's why Jains piss plants off when they spit out the seeds.
--Terri
Beable van Polasm
But what about those UTTER BASTARDS who eat LETTUCE? Or CARROTS? THERE
IS NO WAY THAT YOU CAN EAT A CARROT WITHOUT KILLING IT!
Of course, they might say that plants are meant for eating. But then
might somebody ask them WHY ARE ANIMALS MADE OF TASTY TASTY MEAT???
Doesn't "meat" mean "FOOD"?
--
I'm wearing coat hangers on my feet. -- Chris Costello
http://beable.com/
Paddy Smith
>
> So fruit's fine, as long as you poop outside (they don't
> wear clothes! They poop outside!).
They like to laugh at people. They're making a fool of us.
>> Surely there are some other
>> kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
>
> Mushrooms, smut, and Marmite.
Yay! The day of Quorn is come! Kibo will have to repent of his merciless
ribbing of hair-fungus-based foodstuffs now! It's the only truly
cruelty-free food there is.
Marmite, by the way, is soaked in the blood of all those little yeast cells
that were only trying to bud a decent family for themselves.
MUSHroom MUSHROOM
Paddy
James Kibo Parry
Paddy Smith (pjsm...@hotmail.com) wrote:
>
> Joseph Michael Bay (jm...@Stanford.EDU) wrote:
> >
> > Louis Nick III (sun...@seanet.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > Surely there are some other
> > > kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
> >
> > Mushrooms, smut, and Marmite.
>
> Yay! The day of Quorn is come! Kibo will have to repent of his merciless
> ribbing of hair-fungus-based foodstuffs now! It's the only truly
> cruelty-free food there is.
Well, it's cruelty-free as long as you don't feed it to anyone you care about.
If you really love them, you wouldn't force them to eat food that was
originally intended to be eaten only by nematodes.
And smut definitely involves cruelty, especially to the people who
have to eat the birthday cake afterwards, even if it's one of those
videos that has a guy farting on an all-Quorn cake.
You know, the sad thing about the Internet is that there's a 99% chance
someone somewhere is reading this and thinking, "Wow, cool, a newsgroup
just for people who like talking about people who like farting on Quorn!"
-- K.
The other 1% chance is
that farting on Quorn is
irrelevant because it's
all already secretly
farted on at the factory.
Then, weirdos would only
get turned on by the idea
of finding some fantasy
Quorn that hasn't been
farted on.
Theresa Willis
<beable+...@beable.com.invalid> wrote:
>Theresa Willis <tdwi...@earthlink.net> writes:
>
>> On Wed, 8 Oct 2003 19:18:02 -0700, Louis Nick III <sun...@seanet.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>> >In alt.religion.louis-nick, beable+...@beable.com.invalid wrote:
>> >> Glenn Knickerbocker <no...@bestweb.net> writes:
>> >> > swt wrote:
>> >> > > layer of guilt for drinking milk and eating eggs, though it wasn't
>> >> > > quite clear who was getting killed in that case.
>> >> >
>> >> > I have a vegan friend who won't even eat HONEY because it's the
>> >> > product of "animal slavery."
>> >>
>> >> Yeah but you'll note that these "vegans" condemn animal slavery, but
>> >> they're totally into PLANT SLAVERY!! If they REALLY cared, they'd only
>> >> eat FRUIT!
>> >
>> >What about the reproductive rights of plants? Don't they care about
>> >those? I'm afraid fruit is right out. Surely there are some other
>> >kingdoms of food besides plants and animals.
>> >
>>
>> Surely it is OK to eat plants who use the "eat my fruit, and poop out
>> my seeds to disperse and fertilize them" strategy.
>>
>> That's why Jains piss plants off when they spit out the seeds.
>
>But what about those UTTER BASTARDS who eat LETTUCE? Or CARROTS? THERE
>IS NO WAY THAT YOU CAN EAT A CARROT WITHOUT KILLING IT!
Well, yes, of course, all Garden Salad-eating people are RIGHT
BASTARDS.
I mean, look at the injustice of it. Here plants are, preventing us
from suffocation by making yummy oxygen, and how do we thank them?
>
>Of course, they might say that plants are meant for eating. But then
>might somebody ask them WHY ARE ANIMALS MADE OF TASTY TASTY MEAT???
>Doesn't "meat" mean "FOOD"?
Some of my best friends are made of meat, now that I think about it.
Joseph Michael Bay
Nice Marmite, man.
Adam
> Well, yes, of course, all Garden Salad-eating people are RIGHT
> BASTARDS.
wackyparsed "Saklad-eating people" -- what's your opinion of those?
Theresa Willis
Hey, some of my best friends are cannibals.
--Terri (I predict that cannibals will be the pirates of 2004)
Kevin S. Wilson
<tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>(I predict that cannibals will be the pirates of 2004)
I'm having some difficulty seeing how "Talk Like a Cannibal Day" will
work.
--
Kevin S. Wilson
Tech Writer at a University Somewhere in Idaho
"You can safely ignore Kevin in order to
maximise life's experience." --A. Loon, in alt.religion.kibology
Beable van Polasm
> On Fri, 10 Oct 2003 22:35:25 GMT, Theresa Willis
> <tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
> >(I predict that cannibals will be the pirates of 2004)
>
> I'm having some difficulty seeing how "Talk Like a Cannibal Day"
> will work.
Shut up or I'll eat your brane.
--
===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOK
IE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER=http://beable.com===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KU
TTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===
KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE===KUTTER===KOOKIE=
Theresa Willis
wrote:
>On Fri, 10 Oct 2003 22:35:25 GMT, Theresa Willis
><tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>>(I predict that cannibals will be the pirates of 2004)
>
>I'm having some difficulty seeing how "Talk Like a Cannibal Day" will
>work.
>
Well, you could try pointing at uneaten parts of people's bodies and
ask "you finished with that?"
--Terri
--
Of ALL the people here I have ALWAYS felt that you were the most OFFENSIVE VILE
person.
-- Yet another r.p.d.b. kook
BForest
"Theresa Willis" <tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote in message
news:63ieovgm8fs3439v7...@4ax.com...
| On Fri, 10 Oct 2003 16:41:06 -0600, Kevin S. Wilson
<res...@spro.net>
| wrote:
|
| >On Fri, 10 Oct 2003 22:35:25 GMT, Theresa Willis
| ><tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
| >
| >>(I predict that cannibals will be the pirates of 2004)
| >
| >I'm having some difficulty seeing how "Talk Like a Cannibal Day"
will
| >work.
| >
|
| Well, you could try pointing at uneaten parts of people's bodies and
| ask "you finished with that?"
|
| --Terri
|
Which returns us to the "problem" of vegans, ie: 'A true Cannibal
Connoisour demands only the purest of "Free Range, Grain Fed" on the
dinner plate.' classic solution provided by the problem.
Ye lubbers. Yar!
(&if prediction:(nextPirates=Cannibals)
then:(nextHitCartoon="Cannibal Pirates vs. Monkeys in Space":
(catchPhraz='Yar, I'll haul his tack & roast his Booty')
&Kewl)
else (Not))
some BigWig producer sees that idear, please give me the voiceover
work! mebbe I could put these voices in mah birdhouse to work!