There.  I did it.  I sent Uwe Boll an E-mail explaining that I was qualified
to enter his "PUNCH UWE BOLL IN THE FACE" contest except for that special
rule he made just to keep me from entering.

I would show the message to you people, but as you know Internet E-mail
is always completely private, so you'll never know whether I used the
word "jerk" as a noun or as a verb.

But I'm sure nothing will come of it, because the rules specifically
disallow me from accepting his open challenge because I only mocked his
genius once during 2005.  All the other times were in 2006, but the
rules say I had to have mocked him twice during 2005.

Now you can help!  Write to --> i...@boll-kg.de <-- and say something
like "Dear Uwe Boll, please stop being so lame and let Kibo beat you up
like you asked him to.  You must be a real wuss if you're afraid of Kibo.
Please let Kibo beat you up."  Please write to i...@boll-kg.de and
tell Dr. Uwe Boll's leash-holders that he should let me fight him.

Anyone who helps me enter Uwe Boll's "I SUCK SO YOU CAN HIT ME" contest
will be placed on my list of people I promise I will never run over with
a street-sweeper, steam-roller, or hovercraft.  Thank you for your support.

                              -- K.

                                 It's a good thing I've never seen
                                 any of his terrible movies, because
                                 then I'd be even less qualified to
                                 enter his "PEOPLE WHO HATE UWE BOLL'S
                                 GREAT MOVIES FOR NO REASON CAN HURT HIM"
                                 competition.  So heed my advice:
                                 In the future, whenever you're tempted
                                 to see a movie based on a video game,
                                 remind yourself that seeing it might
                                 disqualify you from punching the director.