BP 235/175
Matthew L. Martin
(anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
admitted me for essential hypertension.
Too bad they didn't.
They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
BP was 185/140.
Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
--
I'm a contractor. If you want an opinion I'll sell you one.
Which one do you want?
James Kibo Parry
>
> If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
> (anyone know how to spell this correctly?)
T... H... I... oh, never mind.
> and vaccine they would have admitted me for essential hypertension.
>
> Too bad they didn't.
>
> They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
> wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
> the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
BAD PONY. No carrot for you!
Seriously, if your pony can't tell the difference between a rabid skunk
and a chew toy, you need to muzzle that dangerous pony so it doesn't
start bringing home other doubly-evil animals, such as poisonous alligators
and electric bumblebees. To say nothing of the constrictor lice.
They shouldn't even allow ponies, skunks, and rabies in the same state.
Ponies should stay west of the Rockies, skunks east of the Mississippi,
and the rabies go in the middle. Also the lice go to Alaska or Hawaii
(we'll let the lice choose.)
> The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
> BP was 185/140.
>
> Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
My new theory is that strokes are like earthquakes: Everyone has
dozens of strokes a day, it's just that most of them are too small
to detect. Did you open the fridge and forget what you were looking
for? That was one of the strokes that was just big enough to notice.
Did you see a TV commercial for something and forget to think,
"Wow, that sucks!"? That was a teeny stroke. If you were able to
determine exactly how many strokes you had on any given day,
it would be something on the order of 58,000 ones you didn't notice,
and about a dozen that you did notice but chose to ignore. So anyway,
we're all having strokes all the time. Thus, you should cheer up,
the stroke you suffered was quite a rare event compared to all the
other ones you're not even noticing, including the one I'm having
right now hey I don't remember ordering a DVD of "Logan's Run".
So what regimen do they have you on now? Are you taking toddler
aspirin every day so that you can pretend you're a hemophiliac?
(My mother once gave me the worst advice I've ever had: Always
take some aspirin before you go to the dentist. Supposedly this
will make the dental work less painful. In reality, all it does
is spray gallons of blood all over your dentist.)
-- K.
I plan to die of a stroke
during the premiere of the
first good Uwe Boll movie,
in 2047. No humans will
survive the shock of
witnessing the impossible.
The movie will kill all
eight people who see it.
pete
>
> Matthew L. Martin (not...@notnow.never) wrote:
> > The moral of the story,
> > never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>
> BAD PONY. No carrot for you!
>
> Seriously, if your pony can't tell the
> difference between a rabid skunk
> and a chew toy, you need to muzzle that dangerous pony so it doesn't
> start bringing home other doubly-evil animals,
> such as poisonous alligators and electric bumblebees.
Equines deal with dangerous animals by grabbing them by the tail.
http://www.moabtimes.com/gallery/album01/mule_cougar_1
--
pete
dogsnus
news:1291mep...@corp.supernews.com:
>
> They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
> wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
> the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
Or when he does, do not try and grab it from him. Eventually he'll put
it down.
>
> The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
> BP was 185/140.
>
> Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
>
Kevin gets blackouts, you have strokes and Jack dies. I'm staying
the heck away from afb. Anyone know where Monroe is?
Don't waste your time with tomato juice or OTC remedies for odor
removal and instead use this solution:
1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide
1/4 cup baking soda
1 teaspoon liquid soap
And cut it out, willya? Sheesh!
Terri
--
Things you don't want to hear Spock say . . .
"The library computer reports that another Microsoft security update is
available for installation."
Kevin S. Wilson
>Kevin gets blackouts, you have strokes and Jack dies.
"Syncope episodes," young lady, and none since I quit smorking (and
therefore quit coughing with such vigor that I sometimes fell down.)
>I'm staying the heck away from afb.
How will you know what the weather is like in East Nothing, New
Jersey, then?
>Anyone know where Monroe is?
He e-mailed me a couple months ago to say that he didn't think he was
welcome/liked/appreciated in ARK, so he was going to bail. I keep
meaning to write him back to remind him that he's Allowed.
--
If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we
would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.
--David Boreanaz as Angel in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"
Chris McGonnell
>If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
>(anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
>admitted me for essential hypertension.
>
>Too bad they didn't.
>
>They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
>wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
>the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>
>The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
>BP was 185/140.
>Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
You're just *handing* dank material, now?
--
Chris McG.
Harming humanity since 1951.
"What do you expect from a bunch of kiwi smoking sheep herders?" --
oTTo
--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com
Chris McGonnell
Kontext Away moves to the Uwe Boll reference!
> -- K.
>
> I plan to die of a stroke
> during the premiere of the
> first good Uwe Boll movie,
> in 2047. No humans will
> survive the shock of
> witnessing the impossible.
> The movie will kill all
> eight people who see it.
Well of course it'll kill me; you just can't shock 96-year-old men
like that and expect them to live.
Otto Bahn
Kontext-Away opens the Great Book of Kibology and scribbles
a new entry at the end of a long list:
> with such vigor that I sometimes fell down.
"WSVTISFD" has been added to the lexicon. Usage can refer
to "Fell" or "Fall" as needed.
>>I'm staying the heck away from afb.
>
> How will you know what the weather is like in East Nothing, New
> Jersey, then?
>
>>Anyone know where Monroe is?
>
> He e-mailed me a couple months ago to say that he didn't think he was
> welcome/liked/appreciated in ARK, so he was going to bail. I keep
> meaning to write him back to remind him that he's Allowed.
Who was Monroe again?
--oTTo--
Glenn Knickerbocker
> "WSVTISFD" has been added to the lexicon.
dogsnus
news:b44392hqh3vuaeb7d...@4ax.com:
> On 15 Jun 2006 13:38:28 GMT, dogsnus <dog...@micron.net> wrote:
>
>>Kevin gets blackouts, you have strokes and Jack dies.
>
> "Syncope episodes," young lady, and none since I quit smorking (and
> therefore quit coughing with such vigor that I sometimes fell down.)
Oh fer sure, like get all medically correct and shit on me.
Back on the farm we called it donating the liver pate, fettucine
al dead-o, kicking the bit bucket, mailing in the warranty card,
permanently out of print, reformatted by God, sleeping with the quiches
and more recently, taking a flume ride to alligator land.
>>Anyone know where Monroe is?
>
> He e-mailed me a couple months ago to say that he didn't think he was
> welcome/liked/appreciated in ARK, so he was going to bail. I keep
> meaning to write him back to remind him that he's Allowed.
>
Another words: The ones that *did* welcome/like/appreciate him are chopped
liver, not high enough on the cool table tier, nosepickers, as sharp as
marbles, mad as a monkey on a trike, an olive short of a pizza, a sandwich
short of a picnic and a sausage short of a barbecue. I geddit, I geddit.
That also explains why he hasn't been on the kibology cooking group
either. But then, neither has anyone else since I left gatorville.
Otto Bahn
>> "WSVTISFD" has been added to the lexicon.
>
> Has NOW. http://wikibology.wikispaces.com/abbreviations
Thank you. The trollery items was a nice touch.
--oTTo--
Kevin S. Wilson
<sme...@NOkey-net.net> wrote:
>On Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:54:00 -0400, Matthew L. Martin wrote:
>
>>If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
>>(anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
>>admitted me for essential hypertension.
>>
>>Too bad they didn't.
>>
>>They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
>>wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
>>the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>>
>>The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
>>BP was 185/140.
>
>>Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
>
>You're just *handing* dank material, now?
>
Maybe we should all make up an affliction or two, like in the "Health
Care Benefits" episode of "The Office."
Dibs on "flesh-eating government-controlled nano-robots."
Kevin S. Wilson
<oTTopant...@Blew.Devels.com> wrote:
>Who was Monroe again?
Another d00d from alt.food.barbecue who stopped by to watch us beat on
a greasy dank spot on the ground and then found that he enjoyed the
ambiance of the place. Too bad you meany-heads drove him away.
Speaking of AFB: Yo, Graeme! You can delurk any time. You're Allowed,
same as everyone in ARK.
Otto Bahn
>>Who was Monroe again?
>
> Another d00d from alt.food.barbecue who stopped by to watch us beat on
> a greasy dank spot on the ground and then found that he enjoyed the
> ambiance of the place. Too bad you meany-heads drove him away.
I wasn't meen to Monroe unless he was meen to me. Or unless
he was sufficiently weird, kooky, random, or political. Those
people sometimes thing I am being meen when I am just trying
to figure out what the hell is going on in there.
> Speaking of AFB: Yo, Graeme! You can delurk any time. You're Allowed,
> same as everyone in ARK.
Perhaps kibology needs to advertise itself morebetterfaster.
--oTTo--
Glenn Knickerbocker
> people sometimes thing I am being meen when I am just trying
> to figure out what the hell is going on in there.
SUBSCIRBED.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
Super New Kontext-Away laughs at regular Kontext-Away and deletes everything
that's not about some sort of Kontext-Away!
> Kontext Away moves to the Uwe Boll reference!
It's a good thing he only makes bad movies based on bad video games
that were popular fifteen years ago. Otherwise he might rush
"Kontext-Away: The Movie!" into production.
Most recently, he's challenged anyone who can prove they ever made
fun of him on the Internet to have a fistfight (which will be filmed
for use as stock footage in his next pathetic, videogame-based movie
because apparently someone let him watch "Fight Club") but his
press release was very specific that you could only be eligible to
beat up the idiot if you made fun of him in _2005_, not _2006_.
So if I say "UWE BOLL HAS THE I.Q. OF A ROTTED TURNIP", that doesn't
make me eligible for an all-expenses-paid flight to Vancouver to
pound the crap out of the soggy turnip.
But WAIT! I just found this article from December 29, 2005!
From: James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com)
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: Pac-Man movie still expected to win an Oscar --
on Planet Stupid
Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2005 02:23:41 -0500
Nick Bensema (ni...@fnord.io.com) wrote:
>
> OK, have you heard the conspiracy theory that all those video game
> movies directed by Uwe Boll are actually designed to lose money, because
> the German government pays them when they lose money? [...]
I certainly have been thinking that. [...]
Well, Nick, I guess you have a big decision to make, because it wouldn't
be fair of me to call dibs on beating up Uwe Boll unless you turn down
this important opportunity to beat up someone who deserves a good beating
because his movies are bad. But if you don't want to go, I will be
very happy that you brought up the subject two days before the magic
deadline after which he turned chicken. (I guess after January 1, 2006
his movies became so bad that too many people wanted to beat him up,
so the contest is only open to people who already realized he sucked.)
He's also invited Quentin Tarantino and Roger Avary (you know, the
guys who wrote "Pulp Fiction", a movie so much better that Uwe Boll's
not-even-a-game-you-can-play movies that mentioning them in the
same sentence might make my head explode) but I assume it they would
consider it way beneath them to beat him up. Uwe Boll is really lucky
he doesn't know who Takashi Miike is, 'cause he'd do it in a second.
I hope this starts a trend of people who make bad movies actually
inviting their critics to punch them in the face. Just think, someday
we might get to see Roger Ebert wailing on Rob Schneider, and Rex Reed
slap-fighting the guy who made "Myra Breckenridge", and a billion
Chinese dudes kung-fuing Wong Jing.
Now, back to stuff Chris McGonnell may have quoted me saying.
> > I plan to die of a stroke during the premiere of the
> > first good Uwe Boll movie, in 2047. No humans will
> > survive the shock of witnessing the impossible.
> > The movie will kill all eight people who see it.
>
> Well of course it'll kill me; you just can't shock 96-year-old men
> like that and expect them to live.
>
> --
> Chris McG.
> Harming humanity since 1951.
Wow, you're old, especially in the distant future! Look at it this
way. Bob Hope and George Burns lived to be over 200 years old (combined).
So all you have to do is get a cigar and a golf club and start keeping
the vaudeville tradition alive, and find some other guy to do it with
you, and then you guys will live until at least 2051, and you'll get
to see Uwe Boll's heartwarming "Elf Bowling: The Movie".
-- K.
P.S. I call dibs on making
"Kontext-Away: The Movie",
made from 10% stock footage
of me punching everyone who
paid to see it, and 90% stock
footage of me typing stupid
claims about beating up
people on the Internet.
Not since Archimedes Plutonium's
imaginary fistfight with me has
there been such a great pretend
fight as me beating up Uwe Boll
right here and now! I'm typing
with one hand and punching with
the other, over the Internet!
Rich Holmes
> Another d00d from alt.food.barbecue who stopped by to watch us beat on
> a greasy dank spot on the ground and then found that he enjoyed the
> ambiance of the place. Too bad you meany-heads drove him away.
Tell him to try again after shedding the sophomoric "Monroe, of
course..." handle and see if it works out better that way.
--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>
Ancient use of incendiary pigs as an anti-elephant measure is
disqualified on grounds of pigs not being cows, even when on fire.
-- John D Salt
Glenn Knickerbocker
> Well, Nick, I guess you have a big decision to make, because it wouldn't
> be fair of me to call dibs on beating up Uwe Boll unless you turn down
> this important opportunity to beat up someone who deserves a good beating
> because his movies are bad.
Uh-oh, there may be a problem of eligibility here. I think Nick may have
blown the 86 kg weight limit--and do you even make the 64 kg minimum?
Now, can an American sue a German in the Canadian courts for discrimi-
nation against not very fat and somewhat skinny people? And will they
award a remedy of getting to beat the defendant about the head and neck
with a DVD containing both a crappy videogame and an even worse movie?
ŹR
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Well, Nick, I guess you have a big decision to make, because it wouldn't
> > be fair of me to call dibs on beating up Uwe Boll unless you turn down
> > this important opportunity to beat up someone who deserves a good beating
> > because his movies are bad.
>
> Uh-oh, there may be a problem of eligibility here. I think Nick may have
> blown the 86 kg weight limit--and do you even make the 64 kg minimum?
Yes, actually. Last time I weighed myself I was about 145 pounds,
and I imagine I'm probably closer to 150 now.
> Now, can an American sue a German in the Canadian courts for discrimi-
> nation against not very fat and somewhat skinny people?
Oh, who cares about those people? I'm sure there are lots of other
medium-sized guys who are eligible to break Uwe Boll over their knee.
Skinny people and fat people already have too many advantages in life.
Everything's easy when you're skinny (unfortunately, they're replacing
all the subway turnstiles here 'cause I think they caught on that
people who are really tall and skinny could go through without turning
them, dammit) and being fat has obvious advantages. Everyone loves
fat people because they're all jolly! And they know where all the
good restaurants are! And they're too mild-mannered to beat up
Uwe Boll when they could just sit on him! Fat people rule, almost
as much as tall skinny people do.
-- K.
Dr. Boll didn't specify
a height limit, maybe
he's going to try to
disqualify me for being
too tall.
James Kibo Parry
I was in the kitchen just now, here's the news item about some extremely
minor movie director personally daring everyone on the Internet to
beat him up.
[sknr.net]
->
-> Uwe Boll Challanges Tarantino and his critics.
->
-> Written by Gareth Von Kallenbach
-> Monday, 12 June 2006
->
-> Maverick Independent filmmaker Uwe Boll is set to face his
-> toughest detractors head on as part of the upcoming movie
-> "Postal" which is based on the highly controversial series from
-> Running with Scissors.
"Highly controversial series", in this case, means "two video games
released for the Mac ten years ago that weren't really any interesting
to play but for some reason got a little press attention because the
United States Postal Service has a knee-jerk reaction to anyone using
the slang term 'postal'". Gee, USPS, thanks to all your free publicity
now there's going to be another worthless movie based on a video game.
-> Boll the creator of such films as "House of the Dead", "Alone in
-> the Dark" , "Bloodrayne", and the pending "In the Name of the
-> King a Dungeon Siege Tale",
"Creator" is too strong a word, especially given that other people
had already created each of those properties in question years before.
Perhaps "exploiter" or "ruiner".
-> has often been the target of biting and venomous reviews despite
-> the fact that all of his films have turned a profit once the final
-> box office and home video receipts are tallied.
"Final" in that sentence means that all this accounting will be done
at the moment the last copy of each DVD has completely rotted away,
in the year 3000000000000000000000000000000000000, by which time
each of the movies will have made a dollar profit.
_Anything_ makes money when released on DVD. As I've pointed out,
they're up to something like the 23rd box set of "Dark Shadows" reruns.
And "Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp" is out. "My DVDs made some money"
is a ho-hum brag. If he could say his DVDs made more money than
reruns of "Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp", then I might be impressed
to know he had better earning power than a chimp who's been dead
for twenty years.
-> Despite his films financial success, Boll who works outside of
-> the studio system and has his films financed by investors has
-> often been called out by critics as a lousy director whose films
-> are among the worst ever made.
Naah, I've seen worse. However, they're all certainly in the category
of "Not even as good as the cutscenes from the games they're based on,"
which you can't say about Ed Wood's work because he at least made up
his own bad stuff.
-> Not content to let such hash criticism go unanswered Boll has
-> decided to face his critics once and for all with a unique
-> challenge that will allow director and critic to face off in a
-> battle royal
*cough* *cough*
If Kinji Fukusaku weren't dead, he'd be pounding the crap out of
Uwe Boll right now. Fukusaku was the guy whose doctors told him
"If you make a second 'Battle Royale' movie, it'll kill you!" and
he said "Fuck you, I'm Kinji Fukusaku, and I'm going to make the
movie even if it kills me because, hey, fucking 'Battle Royale'!"
and he made the movie and it killed him and it wasn't nearly as
good as the first one but hey, it killed him. I'd like to see
Uwe Boll do that. To be as cool as Kinji Fukusaku, Uwe Boll
would have to be killed by six or seven of his movies.
-> that further establishes the Directors passion for
-> his craft and his willingness to go the extra mile to put his
-> convictions on the line against those who are content to hide
-> behind their words without any consequences from those they have
-> slighted.
AWW, UWE BOLL'S FEELINGS WERE HURT!
-> The full release is below.
->
-> Uwe Boll Challenges His Critics
-> "To Put Up Or Shut Up !"
->
-> Uwe Boll Invites His Top 5 Most Outspoken Critics of 2005
-> To Appear In His Feature Film "Postal".
->
-> Airfares & Hotel Expenses To Vancouver Will Be Paid
-> By Uwe Boll's Production Company For These Critics To Be In
-> Postal.
->
-> [...]
->
-> Again the fans have shown that the critics of Uwe Boll are out of
-> touch with want the general movie audience population wants. Dr.
-> Boll has continually been roasted for the films he has directed
-> and produced. His last two films, House of the Dead & Alone in
-> the Dark, cost $20 million but they have grossed over $110
-> million to-date. The same negative reactions from some of the
-> same press and the internet critics are now being directed at Uwe
-> Boll's latest film; BloodRayne.
No, it's being directed at _him_. See, this is what he fails to understand:
With ordinary bad movies, people just say "that movie wasn't very good" and
then find something else to do. Uwe Boll has a magical ability to make
the fanboys hate _him_, by doing things like issuing moronic press releases
about how they suck because they don't love his awesome talent.
-> Dr. Uwe Boll has had enough! Uwe Boll's position is "I am fed
-> up. I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet
-> without see them.
"ALSO, I WILL NOT BE MOCKED!" he screamed in a funny accent, except
without the correct grammar.
-> Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the
-> opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices.
...and so the vast conspiracy of 5,999,999,999 people to smear Uwe Boll
for no reason continues!
-> Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my
-> films. I have been told that "BloodRayne" has a very bad IMDb
-> rating, but how many of those votes of zero were made before
-> the movie appeared in theatres." The criticism goes on and on.
You know, when someone gave Orson Welles a bad review, I think all he
did was have a good laugh. He didn't just start whining that not everyone
in the world gave his movie a 10 out of 10. 'Cause, see, real directors
spend most of their time making movies, not doing damage-control for
their fragile egos. I wish Orson Welles were alive so he could fart
on Uwe Boll.
-> Uwe is now challenging the critics that failed to watch his films
-> prior to reviewing or commenting, "TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP!"
->
-> On July 17th, 2006 Uwe will start filming his next feature film,
-> "Seed", starring Will Sanderson, Ralf Moeller, Michael Pare &
-> Andrew Jackson. Following that film he will go into production in
-> late September with another feature called "Postal". Both movies
-> will be shot in Vancouver, BC, Canada.
Oh, damn. I mis-read that last paragraph. For a second I thought it
said Uwe Boll will be shot in Vancouver.
-> Towards the end of the filming of the "Postal" the 5 most
-> outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with
-> hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the
-> chance to be an extra / stand-in in "Postal" and have the
-> opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to
-> fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring
-> down Uwe in a 10 bout match. There will be 5 matches planned
-> over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these
-> boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All 5 fights
-> will be televised on the internet and will be covered by
-> international press.
And then his next movie will be even more special, because it'll be
directed by a guy who got five concussions in two days! He'll probably
shoot the whole movie with the lens cap on, or something.
-> To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the
-> internet or have written in magazines / newspapers at least two
-> extremely negative articles in the year 2005.
AW FUCK!
I was only able to find _one_ I wrote in December, 2005.
Know what this means?
UWE BOLL SPECIFICALLY CHOSE HIS RULES BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF GETTING
WHOMPED BY KIBO.
What a pussy. I think Uwe Boll might be the only person here who's
actually afraid of me. I'm a pretty harmless guy -- I only beat up
people who want me to beat them up, and most people don't do like
Uwe Boll and ask for a poundin'.
-> Critics of 2006 will not be considered. Please submit proof
-> of your negative reviews & comments via e-mail to:
->
-> in...@boll-kg.de
Hmm, I suppose I could fudge the "Date:" headers... No. That would
be wrong. It would be wrong to change the digits in a message header
just so I could justifiably beat up a guy who made some bad movies.
I'll just have to find a way to beat him up without tampering with
the evidence.
-> All challengers must be healthy males, weighing between 64
-> kilograms (140 lbs.) and 86 kilograms (190 lbs.).
That's me!
Note that he specified "must be healthy males", because he's afraid
of getting his ass kicked by a girl, or a guy who's already in a coma.
-> You will require to be physically examined by a doctor and sign
-> the necessary release forms for liability, etc. You will not be
-> paid or entitled to any residuals or fees.
...as if anyone wants to beat up Uwe Boll just for the money.
-> Your transportation & hotel costs will be covered.
->
-> Dr. Uwe Boll's invitation to fight and / or appear in his film is
-> extended to all his harshest critics. Roger Avary and Quentin
-> Tarantino are among the most eligible candidates.
Tarantino could probably break Boll's brain without even touching him.
The talent rays coming from Tarantino would make Boll melt the way that
guy in "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" would have melted if he had opened
the ark to see that inside was a better movie.
Does Tarantino even know who Boll is? I have a hard time imagining
Tarantino stooping to the level of even mentioning him, 'cause that
would mean he'd have to take time out from his busy schedule of
having his face photographed for the covers of old kung-fu movies
he wasn't in.
-> The following posters to the IMDb have earned the right to be
-> placed on the list of the most extreme anti-Boll critics and are
-> therefore eligible to enter the contest. Contestants will be
-> chosen to be an extra and physically box Dr. Uwe Boll.
->
-> Headhunter004
->
-> Adultswimlover2
->
-> Evolution_500_2
->
-> Greatnates
->
-> thedoomsdaybegins
->
-> GunnerySergeantNumbnuts
->
-> Murdoc995
->
-> AimeeBrookes
->
-> ChineseOldMarketMan
->
-> GabeLogan9060
->
-> Veedragon40
->
-> BigSexy77
->
-> TylerDurden52
Ah, so this is Boll's plan. He's following the assigned tasks of
Project Mayhem, specifically, the one where he has to challenge someone
to a fight he'll lose. He thinks he can become cool enough to join
Fight Club if he gets his teeth knocked out by all 52 Tyler Durdens
(there's one in each city, they're like Bozos. Angry Bozos.)
-> Dan223-1
->
-> howdy4641430-1
Based on that list of names, I'm going to put my money on
"ChineseOldMarketMan" -- he's one of the few who was clever
enough to come up with a name that wasn't already taken
dozens of times, and he's Chinese so of course he knows
kung fu, and he's old so of course he's really good at
kung fu because kung fu masters always have really long
white hair they can kill you with, which Uwe Boll would
know if he watched any of those movies that have Tarantino's
scary photo on the box.
-> If critics want to bring Uwe Boll down, here is their chance to
-> physically bring him down and have the entire world watch them do it.
Well, actually, I doubt too many people would be interested in watching it.
Fighting Uwe Boll is like those tedious attempts to show bowling on TV:
Why watch it when you can _do_ it?
And for the record, I am not attempting to accept Uwe Boll's challenge
because he made bad movies -- lots of people make bad movies, and Boll's
weren't even interesting enough bad movies to get me to see any of them --
I'm accepting his "please beat me up" challenge because he was so
asinine as to dare me to beat him up. Except that his sissy rules
preclude me from beating him up because apparently he extended this
invitation to everyone on the Internet except me. I hope he falls and
breaks his stupid.
-- K.
I hereby DEMAND that everyone
write to in...@boll-kg.de and
tell Uwe Boll to let me beat
him up. SOMETHING'S HONOR MUST
BE AVENGED (we can come up
with a reason later, there
important thing is that I
just want to see a director
bleed.) Once again, write to:
Matthew L. Martin
> On Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:54:00 -0400, Matthew L. Martin wrote:
>
>> If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
>> (anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
>> admitted me for essential hypertension.
>>
>> Too bad they didn't.
>>
>> They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
>> wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
>> the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>>
>> The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
>> BP was 185/140.
>
>> Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
>
> You're just *handing* dank material, now?
>
It's the only way he gets new material and boy, is he in need of an update.
Matthew
Marc Goodman
> Chris McGonnell wrote:
>> You're just *handing* d@nk material, now?
>>
>
> It's the only way he gets new material and boy, is he in need of an update.
You misspelt "d@nk." It would suck if he had trouble searching
for his name in goolge.
Glenn Knickerbocker
> Glenn Knickerbocker (No...@bestweb.net) wrote:
> > blown the 86 kg weight limit--and do you even make the 64 kg minimum?
> Yes, actually. Last time I weighed myself I was about 145 pounds,
> and I imagine I'm probably closer to 150 now.
Ah, so I see you must have been hitting the creatine to get pumped up to
bash Herr Dr. Boll in the face ever since chiming in with Nick's scathing
indictment of him last year. No wonder you were so excited to see this
press release that passes for news! I just hope that medical exam he
subjects you to doesn't disqualify you for improper enzyme levels.
> fat people because they're all jolly! And they know where all the
> good restaurants are! And they're too mild-mannered to beat up
> Uwe Boll when they could just sit on him! Fat people rule, almost
> as much as tall skinny people do.
Um, I wonder, is there any chance you would like to join me at Le
Pavillon in Poughkeepsie or Mughal Raj in Rhinebeck to discuss these
propositions? I'm not sure but I think they might be able to arrange to
remove one seat for someone as important as me.
ŹR
James Kibo Parry
to enter his "PUNCH UWE BOLL IN THE FACE" contest except for that special
rule he made just to keep me from entering.
I would show the message to you people, but as you know Internet E-mail
is always completely private, so you'll never know whether I used the
word "jerk" as a noun or as a verb.
But I'm sure nothing will come of it, because the rules specifically
disallow me from accepting his open challenge because I only mocked his
genius once during 2005. All the other times were in 2006, but the
rules say I had to have mocked him twice during 2005.
Now you can help! Write to --> in...@boll-kg.de <-- and say something
like "Dear Uwe Boll, please stop being so lame and let Kibo beat you up
like you asked him to. You must be a real wuss if you're afraid of Kibo.
Please let Kibo beat you up." Please write to in...@boll-kg.de and
tell Dr. Uwe Boll's leash-holders that he should let me fight him.
Anyone who helps me enter Uwe Boll's "I SUCK SO YOU CAN HIT ME" contest
will be placed on my list of people I promise I will never run over with
a street-sweeper, steam-roller, or hovercraft. Thank you for your support.
-- K.
It's a good thing I've never seen
any of his terrible movies, because
then I'd be even less qualified to
enter his "PEOPLE WHO HATE UWE BOLL'S
GREAT MOVIES FOR NO REASON CAN HURT HIM"
competition. So heed my advice:
In the future, whenever you're tempted
to see a movie based on a video game,
remind yourself that seeing it might
disqualify you from punching the director.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Glenn Knickerbocker (No...@bestweb.net) wrote:
> > >
> > > blown the 86 kg weight limit--and do you even make the 64 kg minimum?
> >
> > Yes, actually. Last time I weighed myself I was about 145 pounds,
> > and I imagine I'm probably closer to 150 now.
>
> Ah, so I see you must have been hitting the creatine to get pumped up to
> bash Herr Dr. Boll in the face ever since chiming in with Nick's scathing
> indictment of him last year. No wonder you were so excited to see this
> press release that passes for news! I just hope that medical exam he
> subjects you to doesn't disqualify you for improper enzyme levels.
No creatine. Any weight I may have gained is simply the bacon I've
eaten and the facial hair I've grown.
> > fat people because they're all jolly! And they know where all the
> > good restaurants are! And they're too mild-mannered to beat up
> > Uwe Boll when they could just sit on him! Fat people rule, almost
> > as much as tall skinny people do.
>
> Um, I wonder, is there any chance you would like to join me at Le
> Pavillon in Poughkeepsie or Mughal Raj in Rhinebeck to discuss these
> propositions? I'm not sure but I think they might be able to arrange to
> remove one seat for someone as important as me.
If you're trying to challenge me to a fight at one of those secret
fight clubs, forget it. I'd never hit a nice guy like you. Make
some bad movies and then we'll talk. Until then, wait in line
behind Steve Oedekerk.
Also, you have to have posted exactly five (no more, no fewer) messages
mocking my fighting skills between July 12th, 1936 and July 14th, 1936,
and you must have that disease from "Unbreakable" that makes your
entire body shatter if I touch it. I'm sorry, but those are the rules,
I'm not afraid to fight you but obviously I can't because those are
the rules.
Why is everyone on the Internet challenging me to boxing matches today?
What happened to the days when everyone on the Internet was nice to
each other at all times, you know, before July, 1936?
Seriously, I love Uwe Boll's open invitation to allow everyone in the
world to beat him up but only if they meet some impossible criteria.
It's like something P.T. Barnum would have done in the 19th century
if he had been very, very stupid. I bet if anyone _does_ actually
get plane tickets from Dr. Boll to go beat him up, afterwards Dr. Boll
will go crying to the police claiming it was an unprovoked assault.
Hmm, maybe I should get a third party to buy me the plane tickets.
Anyone got two tickets to Vancouver? (One for me, one for my oversize
carry-on bag filled with candy I'll eat with one hand while punching
him with the other.)
-- K.
I just want to know why
none of you wimps on
alt.religion.kibology
has also tried to accept
Uwe Boll's challenge.
It's not as if his rules
make it possible that you'd
ever actually have to fight.
C'mon, do like me and
be a big man by committing
to the fistfight that's
never actually gonna happen.
If you don't, you're a
bigger wuss than he is.
Glenn Knickerbocker
> Seriously, I love Uwe Boll's open invitation to allow everyone in the
> world to beat him up but only if they meet some impossible criteria.
> It's like something P.T. Barnum would have done in the 19th century
> if he had been
ŹR
Otto Bahn
> Why is everyone on the Internet challenging me to boxing matches today?
You didn't get the memo? This is National Challenge Kibo
To A Boxing Match day. Put up your Dukes!
I hope you are prepared. I can make over two hundred boxes
per hour.
--oTTo--
James Kibo Parry
Great minds think alike -- I was just thinking about Andy Kaufman while
I was on the toilet. That's another reason I won't fight you, because
you're almost as big a genius as me.
Anyway, I was thinking that this whole event is just like the time
Andy Kaufman paid that wrestler to pretend to hurt him to freak out
any Andy Kaufman fans who aren't bright enough to realize that both
comedy and wrestling involve some degree of pretending, except that
because Uwe Boll is never going to actually let me accept his offer
to fight him it's an even more pure form of Pretend Performance Art.
Andy Kaufman's rules with regard to wrestling people from the
audience were simple: He only wrestled women. This was because
he was committing wrestling comedy to cover up the fact that he
was a frotteur -- he wore the longjohns under his trunks because
he allegedly had his torso wrapped in duct tape to hide his erection.
So, since Uwe Boll has a "no women", "no skinny guys", "no fat guys",
and "no unhealthy guys" ruleset, this must mean that he's turned
on only by rubbing his penis against medium-sized guys who don't
have cooties. You'd think there would be a lot of ways he could
get that experience without having to get punched in the face,
especially since he lives in Germany. He could just join their
all-gay-skinhead army.
Seriously, challenging everyone on the Internet to fight him with
provisos that disqualify anyone on the Internet to fight him makes
him the biggest loser in the world. Remember that guy who told
the entire Internet he was leaving forever and if he ever came
back he would give each of them $1000 and then he immediately came
back? Not as big a loser as Dr. Uwe Boll. Andy Kaufman with
his penis wrapped in duct tape? Not as pathetic as Dr. Uwe Boll.
Me? Not as obnoxious as Dr. Uwe Boll. I DEMAND MY RIGHT TO BEAT THE
CRAP OUT OF UWE BOLL TO PROVE I'M BETTER THAN HIM!!!
-- K.
"Kibo Vs. Uwe Boll" should be
a video game, so that ten years
later he could make a bad movie out
of it, so that he'd have to fight
everyone on the Internet again.
Too bad I no longer work in the
videogame industry. Hey, anyone
here want to hire me? I got some
great ideas, assuming that the
Nintendo Wii will have the ability
to actually amputate the players'
limbs when they lose.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Why is everyone on the Internet challenging me to boxing matches today?
>
> You didn't get the memo? This is National Challenge Kibo
> To A Boxing Match day. Put up your Dukes!
I'm not wearing Daisy Dukes. I guess I'm just more fashionable than you.
> I hope you are prepared. I can make over two hundred boxes
> per hour.
So? I can beat up Uwe Boll in a lightsaber fight on the surface of
the Moon. You know it has to be true because he won't let me fight
him that way.
-- K.
Does the fact that I've
accepted Uwe Boll's challenge
and Quentin Tarantino hasn't yet
make me superior to Tarantino
in some way? I hope not, because
I don't want to piss him off,
as I hope that he and I can
become good friends and re-
enact scenes from Seijun Suzuki's
and Takeshi Miike's and Sabu's
movies together. I call dibs
on the good ski mask.
James Kibo Parry
> supposed to fight, or so I've been told.
Yeah, but you're not even allowed to accept Uwe Boll's offer of a
free trip to a fistfight that you'll win. He's terrified a girl
will whip him (and not in a good way.)
In general, girls aren't supposed to fight. They have much better
ways of taking revenge on men they don't like. Slow, subtle ones
which last for years and years. Girls treat revenge like a game
of Go, and guys treat revenge like a scratch ticket. We like instant
gratification, not the elaborate deviousness of a woman plotting in
advance what she'll do in the divorce court ten years from now.
All women are twelve steps ahead of all men when it comes to
invisible forms of revenge. Men just know how to make things
explode, bleed, or fall into swimming pools at society parties.
I think you should write Dr. Boll a letter saying you would fight him
if he wasn't afraid of getting beat up by a girlie-girl. But he
might not even read it, because maybe he doesn't read mail from
girls because women have better verbal skills than men and any
woman could verbally destroy him, especially as he only thinks
he speaks English. So instead you should just write him a letter
saying "Please let Kibo fight you," especially because I've
always wanted to visit Vancouver. Send you polite demands to:
When I go to Vancouver to be in Dr. Boll's imaginary punch-off
that he's never going to actually have, I'll bring a movie camera
and make my own movie. It'll be based on "Qix", and titled
"Look, I Am Punching Uwe Boll And The Title Sequence Isn't Even
Over Yet." It will make a trillion dollars at the box office
or I will offer to fight anyone who didn't pay to see it.
Also I will become German and stupid. That wears off later, right?
-- K.
I suddenly have a craving
for fried sausage.
TeaLady (Mari C.)
news:449158...@mindspring.com:
> Equines deal with dangerous animals by grabbing them by the
> tail.
>
> http://www.moabtimes.com/gallery/album01/mule_cougar_1
>
Whoooaaaoooh. Wow. Mules got balls, big time.
--
TeaLady (mari)
"The principle of Race is meant to embody and express the utter
negation of human freedom, the denial of equal rights, a
challenge in the face of mankind." A. Kolnai
Avast ye scurvy dogs ! Thar be no disease in this message.
TeaLady (Mari C.)
news:4fd66jF...@individual.net:
> Don't waste your time with tomato juice or OTC remedies for
> odor removal and instead use this solution:
>
> 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide
> 1/4 cup baking soda
> 1 teaspoon liquid soap
>
My sekrit recipe has 1 pint, not 1 quart, peroxide. Works good,
too, even if it does make the black fur on the doggy go brownish
red.
Doggy hasn't been skunked yet this year. Little shit doggy
hasn't been skunked at all, so far. Maybe the invisible hippos
are finally working.
Dan Krueger
> On Thu, 15 Jun 2006 13:17:18 -0400, Chris McGonnell
> <sme...@NOkey-net.net> wrote:
>
>
>>On Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:54:00 -0400, Matthew L. Martin wrote:
>>
>>
>>>If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
>>>(anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
>>>admitted me for essential hypertension.
>>>
>>>Too bad they didn't.
>>>
>>>They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
>>>wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
>>>the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>>>
>>>The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
>>>BP was 185/140.
>>
>>>Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
>>
>>You're just *handing* dank material, now?
>>
>
> Maybe we should all make up an affliction or two, like in the "Health
> Care Benefits" episode of "The Office."
>
> Dibs on "flesh-eating government-controlled nano-robots."
>
You have enough afflictions that are obvious to a ten year old.
Dan Krueger
So you wish you were more fucked up?
Dan Krueger
> If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
> (anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
> admitted me for essential hypertension.
>
> Too bad they didn't.
>
> They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
> wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
> the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
>
> The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
> BP was 185/140.
>
> Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
>
It's not the moral of this story. The best is yet to come.
dogsnus
news:kibo-15060...@10.0.1.2:
> dogsnus (dog...@micron.net) wrote:
>>
>> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
>> >
>> > I just want to know why none of you wimps on
>> > alt.religion.kibology has also tried to accept
>> > Uwe Boll's challenge.
>>
>> Because wimps don't fight. Duh! I'm also a gurl wimp and gurl's aren't
>> supposed to fight, or so I've been told.
>
> Yeah, but you're not even allowed to accept Uwe Boll's offer of a
> free trip to a fistfight that you'll win. He's terrified a girl
> will whip him (and not in a good way.)
I see that. It's just as well. I've seen some pretty tough looking
female boxers. You'd think he'd have thought a bit further
ahead and specified no females _and_ no guys in that weight range
with any formal boxing training.
I also note you have to have insulted him in writing prior to 2006.
You've done that, right?
> All women are twelve steps ahead of all men when it comes to
> invisible forms of revenge. Men just know how to make things
> explode, bleed, or fall into swimming pools at society parties.
I think I prefer the way men handle these things.
So instead you should just write him a letter
> saying "Please let Kibo fight you," especially because I've
> always wanted to visit Vancouver. Send you polite demands to:
>
> in...@boll-kg.de
Well, so long as it's a polite one. Okay. Are you sure you're up
to ten rounds? I know you don't think he'll do it but what if he
does?
I need to know for a bet er...homework assignment.
And if you don't make it to that Vancouver there's another Vancouver
about 6 hours away I can drive you over to see.
> Also I will become German and stupid. That wears off later, right?
One will. The other one is a huge risk to take.
>
> -- K.
>
> I suddenly have a craving
> for fried sausage.
--
Things you don't want to hear Spock say . . .
"The library computer reports that another Microsoft security update is
available for installation."
dogsnus
news:Xns97E3D05...@130.133.1.4:
> dogsnus <dog...@micron.net> wrote in
> news:4fd66jF...@individual.net:
>
>> Don't waste your time with tomato juice or OTC remedies for
>> odor removal and instead use this solution:
>>
>> 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide
>> 1/4 cup baking soda
>> 1 teaspoon liquid soap
>>
>
> My sekrit recipe has 1 pint, not 1 quart, peroxide. Works good,
> too, even if it does make the black fur on the doggy go brownish
> red.
Really? Maybe that's why the fur changes color?
>
> Doggy hasn't been skunked yet this year. Little shit doggy
> hasn't been skunked at all, so far. Maybe the invisible hippos
> are finally working.
I've given the recipe out dozens of times but I've fortunately never
had to use it on my own dogs. I also would like to add that after I posted
that I went on my am mountain bike ride and yes, I saw a b&w pole
cat up in the hills on a dirt road. I managed to resist the urge to grab
his tail in my teeth and swing him around wildly, I'm happy to say.
I just wish Martin would STOP CHANNELING ME!
Terri
James Kibo Parry
> > Yeah, but you're not even allowed to accept Uwe Boll's offer of a
> > free trip to a fistfight that you'll win. He's terrified a girl
> > will whip him (and not in a good way.)
>
> I see that. It's just as well. I've seen some pretty tough looking
> female boxers. You'd think he'd have thought a bit further
> ahead and specified no females _and_ no guys in that weight range
> with any formal boxing training.
Well, he does seem to hate people who dislike his movies without having
seen all of them, so that would indicate he's already ruling out people
too stupid to have paid to see every movie based on a videogame.
If he were smart he'd say "YOU MUST BE EVEN STUPIDER THAN ME TO
ENTER THIS COMPETITION". But then again, if he were smart, he'd be
somebody who's not Uwe Boll.
I wish I had Takashi Miike's phone number.
> I also note you have to have insulted him in writing prior to 2006.
> You've done that, right?
Duh. Is there anyone I _haven't_ insulted (intentionally or accidentally)
prior to 2006, you clod?
> > All women are twelve steps ahead of all men when it comes to
> > invisible forms of revenge. Men just know how to make things
> > explode, bleed, or fall into swimming pools at society parties.
>
> I think I prefer the way men handle these things.
Mmmmmmm... if you were a guy I'd ask you to marry me.
> > So instead you should just write him a letter
> > saying "Please let Kibo fight you," especially because I've
> > always wanted to visit Vancouver. Send you polite demands to:
> >
> > in...@boll-kg.de
>
> Well, so long as it's a polite one. Okay. Are you sure you're up
> to ten rounds? I know you don't think he'll do it but what if he
> does?
> I need to know for a bet er...homework assignment.
I don't start fights. But in the few fights I've been in, I've
never been the loser. Never. 'Cause I'm a psycho, man.
Also, there is NO WAY he's doing five ten-round fights in two days.
Unless he can find the time after winning the Olympics all by himself.
Seriously, if he buys me the ticket to Vancouver, I'll get in the
ring with him. Of course, my strategy might be somewhat unorthodox,
but that's what you people are paying me for, right?
-- K.
I'll do anything to ruin
the movie Uwe Boll is making
about this. It's like spoiling
a Korean tourist's snapshot
of the bus station, except
you'll get to see it on DVD
instead of on Flickr.
Adam Funk
> Otto Bahn wrote:
>> "WSVTISFD" has been added to the lexicon.
>
> Has NOW. http://wikibology.wikispaces.com/abbreviations
That reminds me: is there any particular reason why the abbreviations
aren't just added into the one main alphabetical list?
Adam Funk
> Don't waste your time with tomato juice or OTC remedies for odor
> removal and instead use this solution:
>
> 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide
> 1/4 cup baking soda
> 1 teaspoon liquid soap
IWPTA "liquid soup", and would like to know when your cookbook will be
published.
Dr. HotSalt
> Because millions of people could have asked me to explain this while
> I was in the kitchen just now, here's the news item about some extremely
> minor movie director personally daring everyone on the Internet to
> beat him up.
...
> -> Boll the creator of such films as "House of the Dead", "Alone in
> -> the Dark" , "Bloodrayne", and the pending "In the Name of the
> -> King a Dungeon Siege Tale",
>
> "Creator" is too strong a word, especially given that other people
> had already created each of those properties in question years before.
> Perhaps "exploiter" or "ruiner".
A necrophiliac is somebody who likes to fuck dead people. What's the
word for people who like to fuck up old (not quite dead) movies?
Ah, yes, UweBoll
Dr. HotSalt
> Because millions of people could have asked me to explain this while
> I was in the kitchen just now, here's the news item about some extremely
> minor movie director personally daring everyone on the Internet to
> beat him up.
...
> -> Boll the creator of such films as "House of the Dead", "Alone in
> -> the Dark" , "Bloodrayne", and the pending "In the Name of the
> -> King a Dungeon Siege Tale",
>
> "Creator" is too strong a word, especially given that other people
> had already created each of those properties in question years before.
> Perhaps "exploiter" or "ruiner".
A necrophiliac is somebody who likes to fuck dead people. What's the
Dr. HotSalt
*ding* DanK *ding*!
(With apologies to Louis Savain.)
(And Frere Jacques.)
Dr. HotSalt
dogsnus
>
> Seriously, if he buys me the ticket to Vancouver, I'll get in the
> ring with him. Of course, my strategy might be somewhat unorthodox,
> but that's what you people are paying me for, right?
[The front of the Conga line stops abruptly piling the thirty two
people behind into a mere three inch thick smoosh ]
Paying you? Paying you money?
Nobody told me about this before now.
Terri
Chris McGonnell
>On 15 Jun 2006 13:38:28 GMT, dogsnus <dog...@micron.net> wrote:
>
>>Kevin gets blackouts, you have strokes and Jack dies.
>
>"Syncope episodes," young lady, and none since I quit smorking (and
>therefore quit coughing with such vigor that I sometimes fell down.)
>
>>I'm staying the heck away from afb.
>
>How will you know what the weather is like in East Nothing, New
>Jersey, then?
>
>>Anyone know where Monroe is?
>
>He e-mailed me a couple months ago to say that he didn't think he was
>welcome/liked/appreciated in ARK, so he was going to bail. I keep
>meaning to write him back to remind him that he's Allowed.
Well that's plain silly; he's Monroe, of course!
--
Chris McG.
Harming humanity since 1951.
"What do you expect from a bunch of kiwi smoking sheep herders?" --
oTTo
--
Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com
Chris McGonnell
>Kevin S. Wilson <res...@spro.net> writes:
>
>> Another d00d from alt.food.barbecue who stopped by to watch us beat on
>> a greasy dank spot on the ground and then found that he enjoyed the
>> ambiance of the place. Too bad you meany-heads drove him away.
>
>Tell him to try again after shedding the sophomoric "Monroe, of
>course..." handle and see if it works out better that way.
Says the guy with the "Doctroid" handle? Honestly, i don't recall
writing anything mean to or about him, though somebody will google up
one just to prove me wrong. I liked his cameo as a muffler in "Cars."
Chris McGonnell
>Chris McGonnell (sme...@NOkey-net.net) wrote:
>>
>> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
>
>Super New Kontext-Away laughs at regular Kontext-Away and deletes everything
>that's not about some sort of Kontext-Away!
>
>> Kontext Away moves to the Uwe Boll reference!
>
>It's a good thing he only makes bad movies based on bad video games
>that were popular fifteen years ago. Otherwise he might rush
>"Kontext-Away: The Movie!" into production.
I'm pretty positive his next film will be "Q-bert: Fast and Furious."
>Most recently, he's challenged anyone who can prove they ever made
>fun of him on the Internet to have a fistfight (which will be filmed
>for use as stock footage in his next pathetic, videogame-based movie
>because apparently someone let him watch "Fight Club") but his
>press release was very specific that you could only be eligible to
>beat up the idiot if you made fun of him in _2005_, not _2006_.
>So if I say "UWE BOLL HAS THE I.Q. OF A ROTTED TURNIP", that doesn't
>make me eligible for an all-expenses-paid flight to Vancouver to
>pound the crap out of the soggy turnip.
>But WAIT! I just found this article from December 29, 2005!
Infrared Kontext-Away makes Kibo's 2005 repost invisible to the naked
eye.
>Now, back to stuff Chris McGonnell may have quoted me saying.
>
>> > I plan to die of a stroke during the premiere of the
>> > first good Uwe Boll movie, in 2047. No humans will
>> > survive the shock of witnessing the impossible.
>> > The movie will kill all eight people who see it.
>>
>> Well of course it'll kill me; you just can't shock 96-year-old men
>> like that and expect them to live.
>>
>
>Wow, you're old, especially in the distant future! Look at it this
>way. Bob Hope and George Burns lived to be over 200 years old (combined).
>So all you have to do is get a cigar and a golf club and start keeping
>the vaudeville tradition alive, and find some other guy to do it with
>you, and then you guys will live until at least 2051, and you'll get
>to see Uwe Boll's heartwarming "Elf Bowling: The Movie".
Should I get the little cigar-holder like George Burns used on his
cigars so his partner, Avery Schreiber, wouldn't be grossed out by
saliva dripping from a Macanudo? "And if you've seen one Macanudo,
you've seen 'em all," sounds like a vaudeville joke that Milton Berle
stole from Bob Hope in 1932. My new partner, William Shatner, and I
will be headlining Yuk-Yuk's in Groton, Connecticut this weekend and
intend to play elves in that movie.
> -- K.
>
> P.S. I call dibs on making
> "Kontext-Away: The Movie",
> made from 10% stock footage
> of me punching everyone who
> paid to see it, and 90% stock
> footage of me typing stupid
> claims about beating up
> people on the Internet.
>
> Not since Archimedes Plutonium's
> imaginary fistfight with me has
> there been such a great pretend
> fight as me beating up Uwe Boll
> right here and now! I'm typing
> with one hand and punching with
> the other, over the Internet!
Imaginary lawsuit to follow!
Chris McGonnell
>ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote in
>news:kibo-15060...@10.0.1.2:
>
>>
>> Seriously, if he buys me the ticket to Vancouver, I'll get in the
>> ring with him. Of course, my strategy might be somewhat unorthodox,
>> but that's what you people are paying me for, right?
>
>[The front of the Conga line stops abruptly piling the thirty two
>people behind into a mere three inch thick smoosh ]
>
>Paying you? Paying you money?
>Nobody told me about this before now.
Terri, where'd you think the $20 you paid went? It's not as if we had
a Kibology Reading Room, or a Tom Cruise to keep clean and
well-lighted.
Michael Kuettner
"Adam Funk" <a24...@yahoo.com> schrieb im Newsbeitrag news:hr7am3-...@news.ducksburg.com...
Hmm, "Cooking for Masochists" _does_ have a certain ring to it.
Cheers,
Michael "whip the slave while he's whipping the cream" Kuettner
Chris McGonnell
It won't be much of a fight, according to this email:
Uwe Boll,
It's been noted in the Usenet group alt.religion.kibology that you're
challenging your biggest critics to a 10-round fight. Knowing that
James "Kibo" Parry is not only your biggest critic but can punch a
hole clean through your body or knock your head right off, you added
an exclusionary rule AIMED SOLELY TO AVOID FIGHTING KIBO! That's
cowardice, you craven schweinhundt!
Why don't you step up and be a man? Fight Kibo and take the thrashing
you so richly deserve for inflicting the world's lousiest movies (with
the exception of "Glitter") on a terrified and nauseated populace. If
you continue making up rules to duck the hammering fists of James
"Kibo" Parry, all of the Internet will know you for the
yellow-bellied, spineless, timid, limp-wristed, gutless scaredy-cat
that you truly are.
Fight Kibo, Scheisskopf!
Chris McGonnell
"Laughter is nothing to sneeze at." - Ernst Lubitsch
Rich Holmes
> Says the guy with the "Doctroid" handle?
Hey, I earned that doctroidate. Twice! And you can't get a doctorate
while you're still a sophomore, so you, Mr McGonnell, IF THAT IS YOUR
REAL NAME, can just DEAL. You are just jealous because you don't know
the cheat codes. HAW.
--
- Doctroid Doctroid Holmes <http://www.richholmes.net/doctroid/>
Ancient use of incendiary pigs as an anti-elephant measure is
disqualified on grounds of pigs not being cows, even when on fire.
-- John D Salt
Marc Goodman
> [...] If
> you continue making up rules to duck the hammering fists of James
> "Kibo" Parry, all of the Internet will know you for the
> yellow-bellied, spineless, timid, limp-wristed, gutless scaredy-cat
> that you truly are.
>
> Fight Kibo, Scheisskopf!
P.S. If it wasn't for America pulling your chestnuts out of the
fire in WWII, you'd all be speaking German right now.
Nick Bensema
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>Most recently, he's challenged anyone who can prove they ever made
>press release was very specific that you could only be eligible to
>beat up the idiot if you made fun of him in _2005_, not _2006_.
I think I know why he specifically designated Internet critics:
because everyone on the Internet knew better than to see any of his
movies. If it weren't for that conspiracy theory guy, none of us
would even know his name. We just saw that they were making a movie
about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
Which is why every time I go to a thrift store, I look on every
shelf to make sure I don't miss the ultra-rare Atari 2600 Baby
Geniuses.
> From: James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com)
> Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2005 02:23:41 -0500
>
> Nick Bensema (ni...@fnord.io.com) wrote:
> >
> > OK, have you heard the conspiracy theory that all those video game
> > movies directed by Uwe Boll are actually designed to lose money, because
> > the German government pays them when they lose money? [...]
>
> I certainly have been thinking that. [...]
>
>
>Well, Nick, I guess you have a big decision to make, because it wouldn't
>be fair of me to call dibs on beating up Uwe Boll unless you turn down
>this important opportunity to beat up someone who deserves a good beating
>because his movies are bad.
I weigh about 200 pounds, which puts me out of his weight class.
Go for it. Indeed, I don't think I really criticized his films,
considering I haven't seen them either; I just vectored a conspiracy
theory about why they are allowed to exist. So unless one of the
microdots at the end of your post contains a scathing and specific
review of one or more of his films, he might get off on a technicality.
>I hope this starts a trend of people who make bad movies actually
>inviting their critics to punch them in the face. Just think, someday
>we might get to see Roger Ebert wailing on Rob Schneider, and Rex Reed
>slap-fighting the guy who made "Myra Breckenridge", and a billion
>Chinese dudes kung-fuing Wong Jing.
Didn't Ebert have a similar feud with the guy who made "Brown Bunny",
at least before he re-edited it into a better movie and earned a
coveted Thumbs Up?
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@io.com> AIM: NBensema
==== ======= ============== http://www.io.com/~nickb/
Marc Goodman
> We just saw that they were making a movie
> about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
This is just nonsense. Bladerunner was one of the best
SF films ever made.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Most recently, he's challenged anyone who can prove they ever made
> > fun of him on the Internet to have a fistfight [...] but his
> > press release was very specific that you could only be eligible to
> > beat up the idiot if you made fun of him in _2005_, not _2006_.
>
> I think I know why he specifically designated Internet critics:
> because everyone on the Internet knew better than to see any of his
> movies. If it weren't for that conspiracy theory guy, none of us
> would even know his name. We just saw that they were making a movie
> about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
> Which is why every time I go to a thrift store, I look on every
> shelf to make sure I don't miss the ultra-rare Atari 2600 Baby
> Geniuses.
As I've said before, my least-favorite Atari 800 game back in the '80s
was one called "Busy Baby". It was a knockoff of "Moon Patrol" where
instead of jumping a tank over craters while aliens dropped bombs on
it, you were trying to walk a baby along a path while a stork dropped
water balloons on him. The object was to get through the obstacle
course without wetting your diaper (straying from the path automatically
made you pee.) It was one of those games that consisted entirely
of pinpoint jumping over lethal obstacles, except it was slow with
awkward controls (lots of diagonal jumping was necessary), not the
slick, easy-to-play game that "Moon Patrol" was. You died quite
frequently, and every time it happens you had to watch the baby cry
for about ten seconds (and most annoyingly, pushing "System Reset"
didn't even stop the annoying music it played.) Anyway, I suggest
that "Busy Baby" the closest we ever came to seeing a "Baby Geniuses"
game for any Atari console.
I admit: One of my favorite Atari 2600 games is "SeaQuest", which
was a pretty good game before they screwed it up by making it into
a bad TV series. (I also liked "Turmoil" -- which was the _good_
version of "Tempest" for the 2600 -- and the easy yet addictive
"Spider Fighter".)
> > Well, Nick, I guess you have a big decision to make, because it wouldn't
> > be fair of me to call dibs on beating up Uwe Boll unless you turn down
> > this important opportunity to beat up someone who deserves a good beating
> > because his movies are bad.
>
> I weigh about 200 pounds, which puts me out of his weight class.
I think you're out of his class in several ways.
I note that he will only fight people who are 140 to 190 pounds --
he's 190 pounds. So you're not allowed to fight him if you're
a whole pound heavier than he is, because he only wants to fight
people he can beat. I'm eligible because I'm forty pounds lighter
(and six inches taller.) He probably has all the advantages, given
that he's more solidly-built than me and, more importantly, knows
how to box. But on the other hand, maybe he only boxes as well
as he directs.
> Go for it. Indeed, I don't think I really criticized his films,
> considering I haven't seen them either; I just vectored a conspiracy
> theory about why they are allowed to exist. So unless one of the
> microdots at the end of your post contains a scathing and specific
> review of one or more of his films, he might get off on a technicality.
Yes, but the point is that he wants to beat you up _because_ you
didn't see any of his films because you knew they were bad.
I think he's one of those types whose model of criticism is that
you're not qualified to decide whether or not you want to see a
film unless you see it all the way through.
Also, he thinks video games should be improved by having the
"game" part removed. People should pay nine dollars to sit quietly
and watch a video game playing itself. 'Cause after all, the only
reason anyone ever attempts to play a game is just to see the
cutscenes, right?
-- K.
Short shameful confession:
I like to put "Rebel Assault"
into the secret mode that
turns it into an all-cutscene
boot-fetish movie.
James Kibo Parry
Dude, "Blade Runner" wasn't based on a video game. It was based on
William S. Burroughs's "Naked Lunch", specifically the line about
"heavy metal thunder".
I was straining my brain last night trying to think of any movies
based on video games that didn't come out completely sucky.
When you think about it, any subgenre where the highest-profile
movies are "Alien Vs. Predator" and "Doom" is pretty lame.
I mean, "Ecks Vs. Sever"? "Silent Hill"? "Alone In The Dark"?
"Double Dragon" and "Street Fighter" and "Mortal Kombat"?
The two "Tomb Raider" films? The "Resident Evil" movies?
The "Pokémon" movies? "Wing Commander"?
I eventually decided the two that were at least sort of worth
watching were "Super Mario Bros." (which was pretty enjoyable,
despite having some parts missing and a few screeching halts)
and "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" (which was beautiful-looking,
and started out really nicely, but gradually got really bozotic,
and also has nothing whatsoever to do with the game as far as I know.)
Then there are the movies that were designed to promote video
games that hadn't yet been released, and those tend to be a little
better -- "Tron" and "The Last Starfighter" are highly-flawed puff
pieces, but still enjoyable as light action movies (and the soundtrack
album from "Tron" is worth having.) "Cloak & Dagger" and "Superman 3"
were pretty bad. Also I think "The Wizard" (the one with Fred Savage)
was a commercial for the Nintendo PowerGlove, but I haven't seen it.
The highest-profile video-game-to-movie adaptation coming up
is "Spy Hunter", although I don't know whether they will finally
pay the Mancini estate for ripping off the "Peter Gunn" music.
It stars The Rock (who was also in "Doom") and will be directed
by John Woo (a director whose Hollywood pictures I strongly dislike)
and, frankly, is about twenty years too late.
Now, if you want to talk really sucky, there are the movies based
on board games: "Clue", "Jumanji" (which was based on an imaginary
board game), "Dungeons & Dragons"... and movies based on bubble-gum
cards: "Mars Attacks!", "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie"...
Geez, now I need to go back and put "Warning: *** DEEP HURTING ***"
at the top of this article. Thanks a lot for making me write
something I'm going to have to go back and edit, you person.
-- K.
I've been using "you person"
as an all-purpose you-can't-
even-tell-if-it's-meant-as-
a-pejorative in real life.
It's a great timesaver because
you can just say it any time
when you don't feel like
having to decide whether to
be pleasant or sarcastic.
Marc Goodman
> Marc Goodman (marc.g...@comcast.net) wrote:
>
>> Nick Bensema (ni...@fnord.io.com) wrote:
>> >
>> > We just saw that they were making a movie
>> > about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
>>
>> This is just nonsense. Bladerunner was one of the best
>> SF films ever made.
>
>
> Dude, "Blade Runner" wasn't based on a video game. It was based on
> William S. Burroughs's "Naked Lunch", specifically the line about
> "heavy metal thunder".
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin'-fishes play,
An' the heavy metal thunder
outer China 'crost the Bay!
Where the
dogsnus
news:ltp592hso3mse99ld...@4ax.com:
> On 16 Jun 2006 12:27:12 GMT, dogsnus wrote:
>
>>ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote in
>>news:kibo-15060...@10.0.1.2:
>>
>>>
>>> Seriously, if he buys me the ticket to Vancouver, I'll get in the
>>> ring with him. Of course, my strategy might be somewhat unorthodox,
>>> but that's what you people are paying me for, right?
>>
>>[The front of the Conga line stops abruptly piling the thirty two
>>people behind into a mere three inch thick smoosh ]
>>
>>Paying you? Paying you money?
>>Nobody told me about this before now.
>
> Terri, where'd you think the $20 you paid went?
I thought it was being safely invested in Corinthian
cows, industrical chemicals and explosive devices. I had no idea
he'd been squandering it on Uwe Boll movies.
David DeLaney
>based on video games that didn't come out completely sucky.
Does TRON count? I mean yeah, the video game in question didn't actually
EXIST, but it was completely sucky in a wonderful way...
>The "Pokémon" movies?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!1!
don't make me post the link to the a.r.k pikachu p0rn.
>I eventually decided the two that were at least sort of worth
>watching were "Super Mario Bros." (which was pretty enjoyable,
>despite having some parts missing and a few screeching halts)
Well, you have to allow for loading times.
>and "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" (which was beautiful-looking,
>and started out really nicely, but gradually got really bozotic,
>and also has nothing whatsoever to do with the game as far as I know.)
That's because none of the Final Fantasy games, including all the Kingdom
Hearts by the way, have anything to do with each other. They have repeating
characters but it's like they have amnesia except for old plot relating in
cutscenes. Well, okay, technically Kingdom Hearts II takes up where I left
off and uses all the same places, but it's almost the exact opposite of
a sequel...
>Then there are the movies that were designed to promote video
>games that hadn't yet been released, and those tend to be a little
>better -- "Tron"
Oh good.
>still enjoyable as light action movies (and the soundtrack
>album from "Tron" is worth having.)
Whew. So if I someday find it somehow, I'm Allowed.
>Now, if you want to talk really sucky, there are the movies based
>on board games: "Clue", "Jumanji" (which was based on an imaginary
>board game), "Dungeons & Dragons"... and movies based on bubble-gum
>cards: "Mars Attacks!", "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie"...
"Clue" had its moments. Though it's no "Murder By Death". The rest of those
I'll flinch from, yeah.
Dave
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
David DeLaney
>that he's more solidly-built than me and, more importantly, knows
>how to box. But on the other hand, maybe he only boxes as well
>as he directs.
Multiple webcomics have already noted that he's _got_ to box better than
he directs. This apparently does not hurt your chances one bit though.
Chris McGonnell
>Chris McGonnell <sme...@NOkey-net.net> writes:
>
>> Says the guy with the "Doctroid" handle?
>
>Hey, I earned that doctroidate. Twice! And you can't get a doctorate
>while you're still a sophomore, so you, Mr McGonnell, IF THAT IS YOUR
>REAL NAME, can just DEAL. You are just jealous because you don't know
>the cheat codes. HAW.
Right, right, up, left, and up gives me God Mode, so I spit on your
double doctroididation!
Rose Marie Holt
"Matthew L. Martin" <not...@notnow.never> wrote:
> If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
Most people spell it Ig because the other way is too many letters.
Why for you is HTN essential. Or is it essentia?
Rose Marie Holt
Kevin S. Wilson <res...@spro.net> wrote:
> On Thu, 15 Jun 2006 13:17:18 -0400, Chris McGonnell
> <sme...@NOkey-net.net> wrote:
>
> >On Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:54:00 -0400, Matthew L. Martin wrote:
> >
> >>If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
> >>(anyone know how to spell this correctly?) and vaccine they would have
> >>admitted me for essential hypertension.
> >>
> >>Too bad they didn't.
> >>
> >>They injected the immunoglobin in six sites and the vaccine in two. My
> >>wife only had three immunoglobin and one vaccine injection. The moral of
> >>the story, never let your pony pick a rabid skunk up by its tail.
> >>
> >>The bad outcome was that it was discovered a year later that my "normal"
> >>BP was 185/140.
> >
> >>Matthew (only one minor stroke later)
> >
> >You're just *handing* dank material, now?
> >
> Maybe we should all make up an affliction or two, like in the "Health
> Care Benefits" episode of "The Office."
>
> Dibs on "flesh-eating government-controlled nano-robots."
We are getting aged enough to not have to make them up. Especially if
we are hangin gout with dead animals of any kind. Espec rabid. Goodby
ol yeller!
Rose Marie Holt
Rich Holmes<rsholme...@mailbox.syr.edu> wrote:
> Chris McGonnell <sme...@NOkey-net.net> writes:
>
> > Says the guy with the "Doctroid" handle?
>
> Hey, I earned that doctroidate. Twice! And you can't get a doctorate
> while you're still a sophomore, so you, Mr McGonnell, IF THAT IS YOUR
> REAL NAME, can just DEAL. You are just jealous because you don't know
> the cheat codes. HAW.
"I'M COMPENSATING FOR MY SHORTCOMINGS"
Since I am doubly doctroided, I am allowed to say that. Thhp.
You can get a doctroid if you are sophomoric.
Rose Marie Holt
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
> Marc Goodman (marc.g...@comcast.net) wrote:
> >
> > Nick Bensema (ni...@fnord.io.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > We just saw that they were making a movie
> > > about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
> >
> > This is just nonsense. Bladerunner was one of the best
> > SF films ever made.
>
> Dude, "Blade Runner" wasn't based on a video game. It was based on
> William S. Burroughs's "Naked Lunch", specifically the line about
> "heavy metal thunder".
>
> I was straining my brain last night trying to think of any movies
> based on video games that didn't come out completely sucky.
Dont be clowning around. When the Pokemon movies came out my son (a
genius) thought they were GREAT. You have no taste.
Rose Marie Holt
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry) wrote:
> Glenn Knickerbocker (No...@bestweb.net) wrote:
> >
> > James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > Seriously, I love Uwe Boll's open invitation to allow everyone in the
> > > world to beat him up but only if they meet some impossible criteria.
> > > It's like something P.T. Barnum would have done in the 19th century
> > > if he had been
> > Andy Kaufman.
>
> Great minds think alike -- I was just *thinking about* Andy Kaufman while
> I was on the toilet.
ITYM "shitting out an"
Nick Bensema
>games that hadn't yet been released, and those tend to be a little
>better -- "Tron" and "The Last Starfighter" are highly-flawed puff
>pieces, but still enjoyable as light action movies (and the soundtrack
>album from "Tron" is worth having.) "Cloak & Dagger" and "Superman 3"
>were pretty bad. Also I think "The Wizard" (the one with Fred Savage)
>was a commercial for the Nintendo PowerGlove, but I haven't seen it.
"I love my PowerGlove(TM). It's so... bad."
"Yeah, well just keep your PowerGloves(TM) off HER." <-- She later
made fun of him for this, so at least the script was paying attention
to itself.
Also: SUPER MARIO BROS 3! THREE THREE THREE! The only game that
was actually good enough to warrant such hype. Except I actually
got to play it a few months before The Wizard was released, because
I put $20 into a PlayChoice 10 machine at Knott's Berry Farm while
all the SUCKERS who went with me went on rides and shit. But I
didn't discover the whistle like the autistic kid did. Stupid
limbic system.
>Now, if you want to talk really sucky, there are the movies based
>on board games: "Clue", "Jumanji" (which was based on an imaginary
>board game), "Dungeons & Dragons"... and movies based on bubble-gum
>cards: "Mars Attacks!", "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie"...
Dude, you ARE watching Robot Chicken, right? That's the only way
you can get the scoop on upcoming board game movies like Chutes &
Ladders, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and so forth.
Nick Bensema
>>
>> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
>> >
>> > Most recently, he's challenged anyone who can prove they ever made
>> > fun of him on the Internet to have a fistfight [...] but his
>> > press release was very specific that you could only be eligible to
>> > beat up the idiot if you made fun of him in _2005_, not _2006_.
>>
>> I think I know why he specifically designated Internet critics:
>> because everyone on the Internet knew better than to see any of his
>> movies. If it weren't for that conspiracy theory guy, none of us
>> would even know his name. We just saw that they were making a movie
>> about a video game and knew instinctively that those always suck.
>> Which is why every time I go to a thrift store, I look on every
>> shelf to make sure I don't miss the ultra-rare Atari 2600 Baby
>> Geniuses.
>
>As I've said before, my least-favorite Atari 800 game back in the '80s
>was one called "Busy Baby".
I've bought and downloaded lots and lots of Atari 800 games. Some of
them had to have been worse; I just couldn't admit it because after
downloading them for two hours at 300 baud, admitting that any of
them sucked would have created insane cognitive dissonance.
>Yes, but the point is that he wants to beat you up _because_ you
>didn't see any of his films because you knew they were bad.
>I think he's one of those types whose model of criticism is that
>you're not qualified to decide whether or not you want to see a
>film unless you see it all the way through.
In America, we'd solve the problem by suing the entire population
and making them see the movie.
>Also, he thinks video games should be improved by having the
>"game" part removed. People should pay nine dollars to sit quietly
>and watch a video game playing itself. 'Cause after all, the only
>reason anyone ever attempts to play a game is just to see the
>cutscenes, right?
Which is why Cinematech is still on G4TV. And why MY favorite Atari
2600 game is the Supercharger demo tape of Suicide Mission. It's
the only video game you can play backwards in a tape player and
clearly hear the programmer telling you to kill yourself.
Nick Bensema
David DeLaney <d...@gatekeeper.vic.com> wrote:
>James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>>He probably has all the advantages, given
>>that he's more solidly-built than me and, more importantly, knows
>>how to box. But on the other hand, maybe he only boxes as well
>>as he directs.
>
>Multiple webcomics have already noted that he's _got_ to box better than
>he directs. This apparently does not hurt your chances one bit though.
Can you link to five of them? That's a Comic Yahtzee, and tends
to happen most often in political cartoons.
Nick Bensema
internationalization -> i18n
immunoglobin -> i10n
If you started to spell it i10n, you'd probably piss off a lot of
people who use those fonts where the zero looks like an eight.
Matthew L. Martin
Essential.
It's sorta under control now. Had lots42 of tests which indicated that
other than HTH and ~10% reduction in kidney function (chicken and egg,
no?) I'm in great health. I take a full glass of pills twice a day and
am happy when I see 135/85. I get very unhappy when I see 90/40, but I
fall down and rest until it passes.
Matthew
--
I'm a contractor. If you want an opinion I'll sell you one.
Which one do you want?
Kevin S. Wilson
"Hangin Gout" isn't a real disease, you know.
--
If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we
would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.
--David Boreanaz as Angel in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"
Chris McGonnell
>On Sun, 18 Jun 2006 05:26:43 GMT, Rose Marie Holt
><rmh...@mindspring.com> wrote:
>
>>In article <13g392l1ml6dt2i46...@4ax.com>,
>> Kevin S. Wilson <res...@spro.net> wrote:
>>
>>> >
>>> Maybe we should all make up an affliction or two, like in the "Health
>>> Care Benefits" episode of "The Office."
>>>
>>> Dibs on "flesh-eating government-controlled nano-robots."
>>
>>We are getting aged enough to not have to make them up. Especially if
>>we are hangin gout with dead animals of any kind. Espec rabid. Goodby
>>ol yeller!
>
>"Hangin Gout" isn't a real disease, you know.
Don't tell my boss, because I've been using sick days for contracting
Hangin Gout for the past twelve years.
Dan Krueger
Nice!
Dan Krueger
> Rose Marie Holt wrote:
>
>> In article <1291mep...@corp.supernews.com>,
>> "Matthew L. Martin" <not...@notnow.never> wrote:
>>
>>> If I hadn't been in the emergency ward to get rabies immunoglobin
>>
>>
>>
>> Most people spell it Ig because the other way is too many letters.
>>
>> Why for you is HTN essential. Or is it essentia?
>
>
> Essential.
>
> It's sorta under control now. Had lots42 of tests which indicated that
> other than HTH and ~10% reduction in kidney function (chicken and egg,
> no?) I'm in great health. I take a full glass of pills twice a day and
> am happy when I see 135/85. I get very unhappy when I see 90/40, but I
> fall down and rest until it passes.
>
> Matthew
>
Good stuff.