My exciting new hair color
James Kibo Parry
exactly the same as a dried chili pepper. It has a nice sheen to it.
I did this with a packet of Ardell Lights & Brights Really Red color
enhancer mixed with half a jar of Manic Panic Infra Red. I couldn't
do my favorite (bright orange) or anything else bright (such as gold
or purple or the cyan I'd like to try) because I need to stick to dark
colors as I can't bleach my hair again until I shave my head and let it
grow out. So don't be surprised if I go to black hair and then no hair
next before the brilliant orange returns.
When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
accessorizing to match it (those of you with boring human hair colors
have it so easy.) I have various bright orange items now -- sunglasses,
the "flame" jacket, a keychain, even orange Hiatt 2010's -- but I don't
have any dark red accessories. At least I have some maroon shirts
I can wear under my black jackets. Black with maroon accents is one
of my favorite color combinations, which is why I'm happy to have
finally gotten my hair this shade of deep red.
-- K.
I suppose there are
other ways to add some
blood-red spots to
my clothing, but the
Red Cross says I'm
not allowed to bleed
on purpose.
(If you ever die of
blood loss in a car
accident, it's 'cause
the Red Cross would
rather let you die
than put gay blood
in a straight person.
They'll test straight
blood for HIV, but
they won't even try
to test gay blood.)
Tim Chmielewski
news:kibo-02070...@10.0.1.2:
> When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
> accessorizing to match it
According to my friend in Sydney, a newsreader from the SBS TV called Lee
Lin Chin also does this as he explained:
"her clothes matched her hair, shoes and shopping"
Ms Chin is also well known for matching lipstick and eyeglass colour
while she is reading the news. Not surprisingly she also had her own
fashion show that was screening after Iron Chef (there was a fifteen
minute gap as there are no ads during programs on that network.)
Thanks.
--
GIT Groupie : http://gitgroupie.timchuma.com
The Twits Give Me the Shits : http://twitsgivemetheshits.timchuma.com
My Photos : http://photos.timchuma.com
Hong Kong Movie Reviews: http://hkmovies.timchuma.com
Fishbulb
"James "Kibo" Parry" <ki...@world.std.com> wrote in message
news:kibo-02070...@10.0.1.2...
> My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> exactly the same as a dried chili pepper. It has a nice sheen to it.
I saw Wall Street, there is no nice sheen. Emilio, on the other hand ...
> They'll test straight
> blood for HIV, but
> they won't even try
> to test gay blood.)
I think my blood might be gay ... either that or it just has very good
fashion sense.
Will Dr Phil test it for me?
Madge
>
> My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> exactly the same as a dried chili pepper. It has a nice sheen to it.
>
> I did this with a packet of Ardell Lights & Brights Really Red color
> enhancer mixed with half a jar of Manic Panic Infra Red. I couldn't
> do my favorite (bright orange) or anything else bright (such as gold
> or purple or the cyan I'd like to try) because I need to stick to dark
> colors as I can't bleach my hair again until I shave my head and let it
> grow out. So don't be surprised if I go to black hair and then no hair
> next before the brilliant orange returns.
>
> When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
> accessorizing to match it (those of you with boring human hair colors
> have it so easy.) I have various bright orange items now -- sunglasses,
> the "flame" jacket, a keychain, even orange Hiatt 2010's -- but I don't
> have any dark red accessories. At least I have some maroon shirts
> I can wear under my black jackets. Black with maroon accents is one
> of my favorite color combinations, which is why I'm happy to have
> finally gotten my hair this shade of deep red.
>
> -- K.
I really feel that to be on the safe side of things you ought to walk
around with signs hanging on your front and back.
------------
| I AM NOT |
| |
| ON FIRE |
------------
HTH
--
Cpl Madge - Mary Kay Commando - UKAIN battalion
Somewhere East of Lubec
Somewhere West of Tillamook
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> > exactly the same as a dried chili pepper. It has a nice sheen to it.
>
> I really feel that to be on the safe side of things you ought to walk
> around with signs hanging on your front and back.
>
> ------------
> | I AM NOT |
> | |
> | ON FIRE |
> ------------
But then I'd die if I actually caught fire.
I'm thinking more along the lines of a different sign -- maybe even
one with corners --
+--------------------+
| I MAY BE ON FIRE |
| |
| JUST TO BE SAFE, |
| PAT ME OUT! |
+--------------------+
-- K.
When I get around to
doing ice blue hair,
what should the sign say?
Marc Goodman
> When I get around to
> doing ice blue hair,
> what should the sign say?
+-----------------------------+
| |
| I'm not raspberry flavored, |
| but you can lick me anyway. |
| |
+-----------------------------+
James Kibo Parry
I said ice blue, not raspberry blue! Raspberries are a deeper shade of blue.
Everyone knows that ice is cyan and raspberries are dark blue.
Oh, and plums are purple all the way through, and cinnamon is fluorescent red,
and carbonated sugar water is brown.
How are you ever going to be a gourmet chef if you don't know what colors
to add to your chemicals? You'd wind up making cake frosting without the
bright yellow dye and people would complain that it wasn't French Vanilla,
it was icky regular vanilla!
-- K.
But you can lick me anyway.
The Avocado Avenger
>
> My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> exactly the same as a dried chili pepper.
If your hair is how I imagine it, that is a fabulous color. I managed
to get that color with flamey-orange highlights for about a week, before
it faded. Then I went to "Everything Brown" which also faded. I have
no luck with hair color. I've decided I'm going to let my hair get
long, perm it, bleach it, abd be a big fat blondie waitress.
> When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
> accessorizing to match it
Black is the best. Also makeup has to coordinate with the hair, but
you are bearded and therefore probably not wearing makeup.
If you do, please, don't put it on like Elton John. His makeup
technique is pitiful.
> the Red Cross would
> rather let you die
> than put gay blood
> in a straight person.
So I have to specifically request gay blood? Since when did the
hospital give you a blood menu before trying to save your life?
Stacia
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> > exactly the same as a dried chili pepper.
>
> If your hair is how I imagine it, that is a fabulous color.
It's exactly like you imagine it, except masculine instead of fabulous.
> > When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
> > accessorizing to match it
>
> Black is the best.
Durhey. There is no such thing as brown leather.
> Also makeup has to coordinate with the hair, but you are bearded and
> therefore probably not wearing makeup.
Geez, no. Makeup is for girls and Dan Rather.
> If you do, please, don't put it on like Elton John. His makeup
> technique is pitiful.
How can you tell? His eyeglasses cover his whole head!
> > the Red Cross would
> > rather let you die
> > than put gay blood
> > in a straight person.
>
> So I have to specifically request gay blood? Since when did the
> hospital give you a blood menu before trying to save your life?
You can't get gay blood, no matter how gay you are. All they can do
is put regular blood in you to try to straighten you out.
-- K.
I could lie to the Red Cross
in order to donate blood, but
I won't lie for as wimpy a
reason as altruism. I'll
only lie if money is at stake.
Tall Guy 747
+-------------------------------------+
| I AM NOT AN ICE CUBE |
| |
| PLEASE DO NOT DUNK MY |
| HEAD INTO A MAI TAI OR |
| OR ANY HIGHBALL-TYPE |
| DRINK |
+------------------------------------+
Madge
Yeh I know I been cutting corners again.
Theresa Willis
Not safe enough. I'm going to start following you around with big
buckets of sand.
>
> -- K.
>
> When I get around to
> doing ice blue hair,
> what should the sign say?
+--------------------+
| |
| WAKE ME WHEN |
| IT'S BINGO NIGHT |
| |
+--------------------+
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > +--------------------+
> > | I MAY BE ON FIRE |
> > | |
> > | JUST TO BE SAFE, |
> > | PAT ME OUT! |
> > +--------------------+
>
>
> Not safe enough. I'm going to start following you around with big
> buckets of sand.
Change "sand" to "White Castles soaked in hot sauce" and I am _there_, baby!
> > When I get around to
> > doing ice blue hair,
> > what should the sign say?
>
> +--------------------+
> | |
> | WAKE ME WHEN |
> | IT'S BINGO NIGHT |
> | |
> +--------------------+
I don't spend money on bingo. You see, I have a problem. The problem
is that when I'm around insane people frantically rubber-stamping two
dozen Bingo cards simultaneously with Mike-Jittlov-performing-dentistry
expressions on their faces, I tend to start trying to turn it into a
game of Fizzbin To The Death and they have to throw me out because I
just can't stand _not_ to interfere with hundreds of people who are
voluntarily hypnotizing themselves on listening to the meaningless
code numbers that might lead to them winning ten bucks towards the
eight bags of potato chips they'll have for dinner. Bingo is for people
built like school bus drivers, but without the brilliant minds.
-- K.
Kill me when it's Bingo night.
Theresa Willis
Parry) wrote:
> -- K.
>
> Kill me when it's Bingo night.
Well, fair enough, I think that sign works too.
And you know, it's always Bingo Night _somewhere_.
Fishbulb
> ... Bingo is for people
> built like school bus drivers, but without the brilliant minds.
BINGO!
--
Free-range country-killed gluten-free organic non-genetically modified
message.
No artificial flavourings, colourings or preservatives.
If you are unsatisfied, return the unused portion of this message
to the place of purchase for a 100% refund.
Bryce Utting
>> When I get around to
>> doing ice blue hair,
>> what should the sign say?
>
> +--------------------+
> | |
> | WAKE ME WHEN |
> | IT'S BINGO NIGHT |
> | |
> +--------------------+
there's *still* no sign of anyone putting together a Blue Oyster Cult
parody band named Blue Rinse Set, far as I can tell. (Tim? anything
in Melbourne?) so, never mind the sign, what Kibo needs is a gang
patch on his leather jacket.
butting
Tim Chmielewski
news:ccb29o$jvs$1...@lust.ihug.co.nz:
> Theresa Willis <tdwi...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>>> When I get around to
>>> doing ice blue hair,
>>> what should the sign
>>> say?
>>
>> +--------------------+
>> | |
>> | WAKE ME WHEN |
>> | IT'S BINGO NIGHT |
>> | |
>> +--------------------+
>
> there's *still* no sign of anyone putting together a Blue Oyster Cult
> parody band named Blue Rinse Set, far as I can tell. (Tim? anything
> in Melbourne?)
9!
Keltie
James Kibo Parry wrote:
> My hair is now a very deep (but saturated) red with just a hint of orange,
> exactly the same as a dried chili pepper. It has a nice sheen to it.
Andrew Jeanes says that his hair has a nice Estevez to it. You'd think
he'd wait until after the wedding to say things like that, but no.
> I did this with a packet of Ardell Lights & Brights Really Red color
> enhancer mixed with half a jar of Manic Panic Infra Red. I couldn't
> do my favorite (bright orange) or anything else bright (such as gold
> or purple or the cyan I'd like to try) because I need to stick to dark
> colors as I can't bleach my hair again until I shave my head and let it
> grow out. So don't be surprised if I go to black hair and then no hair
> next before the brilliant orange returns.
I'm glad to see that you are (in a sense) taking care of your hair. Did
you learn how many times you could bleach it through experience?
And have you done green? I'd like to see green. Although personally, I'd
do mine blue in a heartbeat if I wasn't so weird about my hair now.
> When your hair is as intensely colored as mine is, you have to start
> accessorizing to match it (those of you with boring human hair colors
> have it so easy.) I have various bright orange items now -- sunglasses,
> the "flame" jacket, a keychain, even orange Hiatt 2010's -- but I don't
> have any dark red accessories. At least I have some maroon shirts
> I can wear under my black jackets. Black with maroon accents is one
> of my favorite color combinations, which is why I'm happy to have
> finally gotten my hair this shade of deep red.
Oh. Maybe you don't wear green, then?
-Keltie
--
looka my site! http://shinyhappy.fateback.com
James Kibo Parry
> > bright (such as gold or purple or the cyan I'd like to try) because
> > I need to stick to dark colors as I can't bleach my hair again until
> > I shave my head and let it grow out.
>
> you learn how many times you could bleach it through experience?
How else would I? My hair is not something you can look up in an
encyclopedia. My hair is different and special and requires an
empirical approach in order to determine its endurance limits.
I take an Ivan Drago approach to hair care. I WILL BREAK MY HAIR.
> And have you done green? I'd like to see green.
Tell you what. If they _ask_ me to be in Boston's Drunken Jerk Parade
next spring, I'll dye it green. Otherwise, NO.
In Boston, green hair is a political statement, slightly less subtle
than wearing a "TEDDY KENNEDY FOR PRESIDENT" t-shirt.
> Although personally, I'd do mine blue in a heartbeat if I wasn't
> so weird about my hair now.
I don't know what you look like, but yeah, blue would be a big improvement.
Tell you what, I might consider dyeing my hair green to march in your
people's Keltic pride parade if you dye your hair with blue and black
horizontal stripes to march in my people's parade.
-- K.
Oh, and I leave the
forty-vol bleach in
for an hour, even in
my mustache, because
I am tougher than any
caustic chemical.
David
[...]
> I've decided I'm going to let my hair get long, perm it, bleach it,
> abd be a big fat blondie waitress.
I tip big those waitresses what bends over right. And don't forget to
call me "hon", it'll make me feel like I'm back "home" in Baltimore.
D.
--
"I don't think that I can take it, cuz it took so long to bake it."
...................................................................
(C) 2004 TheDavid^TM | David, P.O. Box 21403, Louisville, KY 40221
Otto Bahn
> You can't get gay blood, no matter how gay you are.
At least not from the Red Cross. (Their logo, for some
reason, is amazingly effective at conjuring up the name
of the organization.) I recommend the Home Blood
Transplant Kit by Acme. It has two needles, some
rubber tubbing, and duct tape (hamster not included).
> All they can do
> is put regular blood in you to try to straighten you out.
You'd think, after 82,590,372 failed experiments, they
would begin to reach the conclusion that it can't be done.
> I could lie to the Red Cross
> in order to donate blood, but
> I won't lie for as wimpy a
> reason as altruism.
How selfish of you.
> I'll only lie if money is at stake.
Now *that* is altruism.
--oTTo--
Marc Goodman
> I recommend the Home Blood
> Transplant Kit by Acme. It has two needles, some
> rubber tubbing, and duct tape (hamster not included).
The rubber tubbing must be to catch any excess spill-off.
I guess you can use the contents of the tubbing to make a
tasty sausage.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > You can't get gay blood, no matter how gay you are.
>
> At least not from the Red Cross.
Did I just hear someone coming in late?
> (Their logo, for some reason, is amazingly effective at
> conjuring up the name of the organization.)
An odd coincidence, as their logo was merely designed to
keep Dracula from crossing the street.
> I recommend the Home Blood Transplant Kit by Acme.
> It has two needles, some rubber tubbing, and duct tape
> (hamster not included).
I'm sorry, but if I ever want to put my blood in a tub,
it's not going to be a rubber tub. I need to keep my
rubber tub full of potato salad for when Howard Cunningham
comes to visit.
> > All they can do is put regular blood in you to try to
> > straighten you out.
>
> You'd think, after 82,590,372 failed experiments, they
> would begin to reach the conclusion that it can't be done.
Hey, they wouldn't have a cross in their logo if they didn't
hate gay people.
UH-OH! TOO FAR! What punishment do I get for saying politically-
incorrect things about an entire organization devoted to telling
me that my blood cells are inherently evil?
-- K.
If they were put in a
straight guy's body,
you could look through
a microscope and see
the cells giving each
other makeovers.
James Kibo Parry
Hamster sausage? Eww. Who are you, Trader Joe?
Speaking of novelty snacks made from gay blood, anyone have any idea
why they took "AYDS" diet candy off the market in the 1980s?
An old issue of The Naming Newsletter commented on their branding:
->
-> A few years back, the chairman of the parent company said, "Obviously,
-> our product does not give anyone AIDS. But with a name like Ayds,
-> we'll have to do some re-marketing. We are looking at all aspects
-> of the problem, and that includes the name."
I wonder if it was one of the "other aspects of the problem" that
did them in.
Anyway, I don't think you can pick up a case of AYDS at the drugstore
any more. That was back when you could get Peanut Butter AYDS.
(Probably wasn't worth it.)
-- K.
And what about the
GAF Viewmaster?
That's the one that
should've come with
the roll of duct tape.
Keltie
James Kibo Parry wrote:
> Keltie (kel...@magma.ca) wrote:
>> I'm glad to see that you are (in a sense) taking care of your hair. Did
>> you learn how many times you could bleach it through experience?
>
>
> How else would I? My hair is not something you can look up in an
> encyclopedia. My hair is different and special and requires an
> empirical approach in order to determine its endurance limits.
Well, perhaps your fun little bleach kits come with big lines of text
reading, "WARNING: DO NOT USE THIS PRODUCT REPEATEDLY ON YOUR SCALP LEST
YOU BURN THE FLESH FROM YOUR SKULL IN AN UNSIGHTLY MANNER." Or something.
>> And have you done green? I'd like to see green.
>
>
> Tell you what. If they _ask_ me to be in Boston's Drunken Jerk Parade
> next spring, I'll dye it green. Otherwise, NO.
>
> In Boston, green hair is a political statement, slightly less subtle
> than wearing a "TEDDY KENNEDY FOR PRESIDENT" t-shirt.
I see. I overlooked the obvious, sorry.
>> Although personally, I'd do mine blue in a heartbeat if I wasn't
>> so weird about my hair now.
>
>
> I don't know what you look like, but yeah, blue would be a big improvement.
Blue is an improvement on anyone, so I'm not insulted. But my second
choice is green, which as far as I know is a meaningless colour
everywhere in Canada.
> Tell you what, I might consider dyeing my hair green to march in your
> people's Keltic pride parade if you dye your hair with blue and black
> horizontal stripes to march in my people's parade.
>
> -- K.
>
> Oh, and I leave the
> forty-vol bleach in
> for an hour, even in
> my mustache, because
> I am tougher than any
> caustic chemical.
Hey, colour your eyelashes and get back to me on how tough you are. I've
heard that that shit stings!
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Keltie (kel...@magma.ca) wrote:
> > >
> > > I'm glad to see that you are (in a sense) taking care of your hair.
> > > Did you learn how many times you could bleach it through experience?
> >
> > How else would I? My hair is not something you can look up in an
> > encyclopedia. My hair is different and special and requires an
> > empirical approach in order to determine its endurance limits.
>
> Well, perhaps your fun little bleach kits come with big lines of text
> reading, "WARNING: DO NOT USE THIS PRODUCT REPEATEDLY ON YOUR SCALP LEST
> YOU BURN THE FLESH FROM YOUR SKULL IN AN UNSIGHTLY MANNER." Or something.
Most of the hair dye I've been buying these days says "For Professional
Use Only" instead of having instructions and free plastic gloves and a
tiny brush and so on. It's a lot cheaper to go to Sally Beauty Supply
and buy the real stuff instead of getting an overpriced kit with lots
of Cracker Jack prizes at the drugstore. And you wind up saving money
by buying the stuff like gloves separately (they're better ones, too.)
Even stuff like Manic Panic that you can get elsewhere is tremendously
cheaper at Sally, with or without their discount card (Manic Panic
is $10 from the manufacturer, $8 from the punk store, $6.50 from Sally
with the discount card. Sally doesn't carry a lot of orange shades,
but I know how to mix the yellow and red ones.)
Next time I bleach, I'll probably be doing it using a jug of 40-vol
developer from Sally Beauty Supply. I haven't bought any dye at the
drugstore in ages (the product lines carried in drugstores like to
pretend hair dye can look natural, so they just have ugly fake
orange-brown colors and not the fluorescent orange I like) and I've
used up the last of the "non-professional" bleach I'd been buying
at Walgreen's.
I need to get out of the habit of leaving the bleach in so long, it
really doesn't help. Leaving the color in long, that's the important
part. I'm still just learning how to do this right, but I think
I've figured out that I'm supposed to first use bleach plus 40-vol
developer for a short time, then color plus 30-vol for a longer time.
The other thing I always do which is bad for my hair is to wash and
rinse it in hot water, but that's because (a) I like hot water and
(b) even if I didn't, all the water coming out of my apartment's
faucets is hot enough to be the title of a Ray Bradbury novel.
> > Oh, and I leave the forty-vol bleach in for an hour, even in
> > my mustache, because I am tougher than any caustic chemical.
>
> Hey, colour your eyelashes and get back to me on how tough you are.
> I've heard that that shit stings!
Even if I wanted to go blind, I still wouldn't bleach my eyelashes.
I like glossy black lashes. WINK!
-- K.
One great thing about
my current maroon color:
My bathroom sink looks
like someone was murdered
in it. Cool!
Otto Bahn
> > > You can't get gay blood, no matter how gay you are.
> >
> > At least not from the Red Cross.
>
> Did I just hear someone coming in late?
[Knock-knock.]
Who's there?
I'm coming --
WHAT???
I'm coming *in late*.
> > (Their logo, for some reason, is amazingly effective at
> > conjuring up the name of the organization.)
>
> An odd coincidence, as their logo was merely designed to
> keep Dracula from crossing the street.
Unless, of course, the logo and Dracula were
on the same side of the street, at which point
we'd know why Dracula crossed the road...
BECAUSE HE'S CHICKEN, that's why. He's all
a-scardicat of a widdle cross.
> > I recommend the Home Blood Transplant Kit by Acme.
> > It has two needles, some rubber tubbing, and duct tape
> > (hamster not included).
>
> I'm sorry, but if I ever want to put my blood in a tub,
> it's not going to be a rubber tub. I need to keep my
> rubber tub full of potato salad for when Howard Cunningham
> comes to visit.
Rub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub...
It's a little known fact that a tub is just a really wide
tube with one end closed. Some of them even have
receptacle ends for those unwanted visitors.
I can see the engineers now: What do we call this
bulbous protusion designed to accept the rapid
velocity infusion of high viscosity semen without
compromising the stregnth of the condom barrier?
Someone in marketing turned that into "receptacle
end".
> > > All they can do is put regular blood in you to try to
> > > straighten you out.
> >
> > You'd think, after 82,590,372 failed experiments, they
> > would begin to reach the conclusion that it can't be done.
>
> Hey, they wouldn't have a cross in their logo if they didn't
> hate gay people.
"Gay terrorist sabotages blood supply by repeatedly
donating blood. Bio-film at eleven..."
> UH-OH! TOO FAR! What punishment do I get for saying politically-
> incorrect things about an entire organization devoted to telling
> me that my blood cells are inherently evil?
A scarlet star. Because in Soviet Russia, the Reds
CROSS YOU!
--oTTo--
P.S. Lenin was so gay
Otto Bahn
> -> A few years back, the chairman of the parent company said, "Obviously,
> -> our product does not give anyone AIDS. But with a name like Ayds,
> -> we'll have to do some re-marketing. We are looking at all aspects
> -> of the problem, and that includes the name."
>
> I wonder if it was one of the "other aspects of the problem" that
> did them in.
Wasting away again in Margaritaville
Searching for my lost pastel pink socks
Some people claim that epidemic's to blame
But I know (doot doot doot doo doo)
It's that candy called Ayds.
--oTTo--
A slant in rhyme saves mine
Otto Bahn
> Wasting away again in Margaritaville
> Searching for my lost pastel pink socks
> Some people claim that epidemic's to blame
> But I know (doot doot doot doo doo)
> It's that candy called Ayds.
Now that I think about it (I'm fashionably late, remember?)
the first "doo" should really be the fourth "doot" (I'm also the
guy who flunked third grade music class).
"But I know (doot-doot-doot doot doo)..."
If some of you musician types could put that in reverse
polish notation, I'd appreciate it.
--oTTo--
James Kibo Parry
> > hate gay people.
>
> "Gay terrorist sabotages blood supply by repeatedly
> donating blood. Bio-film at eleven..."
I think Gilbert Shelton hit the nail on the head back in an old
"Fat Freddy" comic book where the Commies plotted to destroy the
American military by spiking our country's water supply with a
drug that turns men gay. The drug was called "tee-hee". I bet
that comic made people in the Pentagon shit bricks ("That rat
Shelton is going to give the real Commies ideas for the most
horrible thing that could ever happen!")
It would be so cool if things worked like that. You could say,
"I'm straight, but I'd like to find out why those gay people are
always raving about how much more fun they have, so I'm going to
take a Gay Pill tonight and then if I don't like it tomorrrow I'll
buy a bottle of Gay-Away. I hope the drugstore has the liquid
kind and not just the giant suppositories."
> > UH-OH! TOO FAR! What punishment do I get for saying politically-
> > incorrect things about an entire organization devoted to telling
> > me that my blood cells are inherently evil?
>
> A scarlet star. Because in Soviet Russia, the Reds CROSS YOU!
I'm pretty sure the entire Soviet government was gay. I mean, look
at those gas masks they issued everyone -- Soviet gas masks were
basically latex bondage hoods with no protective value. Then there
were those big green felt coats with the wasp-waisted J. Peterman cut.
And the soldiers' boots! Gay people really seem to like them, at
least the ones who compliment me on my footwear.
> P.S. Lenin was so gay
Yeah, but look at Stalin's mustache. He's such a Village People
wannabe that people call him "Stalin Powell".
-- K.
If Russians aren't all gay,
then how come Russia is
technically part of Europe?
Europe is the gayest continent!
It's the San Francisco of the world!
David
[...]
> Hey, they wouldn't have a cross in their logo if they didn't
> hate gay people.
>
> UH-OH! TOO FAR! What punishment do I get for saying politically-
> incorrect things about an entire organization devoted to telling
> me that my blood cells are inherently evil?
Kibo, you're gay? How would you know? I thought to be gay in any
meaningful kind of way you'd have to get up from your computer and
actually have sex with an (in this case same-sex) other human being.
(That's why I can't be gay right there. Or straight, in which case
the other person would be the opposite of sex. Or anything!)
But then what do I know? (Hint: bloody little, and less every day.)
David
[...]
> Tell you what, I might consider dyeing my hair green to march in your
> people's Keltic pride parade if you dye your hair with blue and black
> horizontal stripes to march in my people's parade.
What country's flag is bluely and blackly horizontally striped?
It can't be Bhutan or Zimbabwe.
Tim Chmielewski
news:kibo-06070...@10.0.1.2:
> Anyway, I don't think you can pick up a case of AYDS at the drugstore
> any more. That was back when you could get Peanut Butter AYDS.
> (Probably wasn't worth it.)
In Austria, you could also get candy cigarettes called FAGS up until the
1990's (a lot of people would love to have a pack now just for the
novelty value.) They are still for sale but they now call them "FADS"
I bought a packet of Dick Smith's DICKHEAD matches a few years ago, but I
can't find it now.
James Kibo Parry
> > any more. That was back when you could get Peanut Butter AYDS.
> > (Probably wasn't worth it.)
>
> In Austria, you could also get candy cigarettes called FAGS up until the
> 1990's (a lot of people would love to have a pack now just for the
> novelty value.)
Here in the U.S., they do make special cigarettes just for gay men.
They're called "cigars".
> They are still for sale but they now call them "FADS"
Wouldn't "FABS" have been more appropriate for them to maintain their
image as queen of the gay children's cigarette market?
In the U.S., there aren't any cigarettes just for gay children, but
there are plenty of cereals just for gay kids. Ever looked closely
at the Trix rabbit? To say nothing of the Quisp guy.
-- K.
I won't even mention Snap and Pop.
(Crackle is straight, but he's also the
only one of the three who's not real.)
Jacob W. Haller
> > They are still for sale but they now call them "FADS"
>
> Wouldn't "FABS" have been more appropriate for them to maintain their
> image as queen of the gay children's cigarette market?
I was thinking that if they changed their name to 'EADS' they could have
reused all of their existing packages and advertising by only making one
minor modification with a Sharpie.
> In the U.S., there aren't any cigarettes just for gay children, but
> there are plenty of cereals just for gay kids.
In Soviet Russia there aren't any gay children for cigarettes!
-jwgh
--
"anyone who thinks he can challenge an experimentally
proved axiomatic physicis theory with 'dictionary definitions'
is an oxymoron."
-- George Hammond on alt.religion.kibology 11 May 2004
Otto Bahn
"James "Kibo" Parry" <ki...@world.std.com> wrote in message news:kibo-07070...@10.0.1.2...
> Tim Chmielewski (ch...@dcsi.net.au) wrote:
> >
> > James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > Anyway, I don't think you can pick up a case of AYDS at the drugstore
> > > any more. That was back when you could get Peanut Butter AYDS.
> > > (Probably wasn't worth it.)
> >
> > In Austria, you could also get candy cigarettes called FAGS up until the
> > 1990's (a lot of people would love to have a pack now just for the
> > novelty value.)
>
> Here in the U.S., they do make special cigarettes just for gay men.
> They're called "cigars".
Criminy! I think my fingers are gay! Please don't tell my wife.
> > They are still for sale but they now call them "FADS"
>
> Wouldn't "FABS" have been more appropriate for them to maintain their
> image as queen of the gay children's cigarette market?
>
> In the U.S., there aren't any cigarettes just for gay children, but
> there are plenty of cereals just for gay kids. Ever looked closely
> at the Trix rabbit? To say nothing of the Quisp guy.
And Captain Crunch the randy sailor, and that even-
oTTo-with-borken-gaydar-can-tell-he's-gay leprechaun
for Lucky Charms...(Help me out here -- Johnny Depp
in Pirates of the Caribbean -- gay or not gay?)
Liberals have the media, except talk radio; gay men
have the cereal, and straight men have...well, meat and
potatoes. Even seafood is a bit suspicious.
--oTTo--
Pope Jubal
> Keltie (kel...@magma.ca) wrote:
> >
> > James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > [...] I couldn't do my favorite (bright orange) or anything else
> > > bright (such as gold or purple or the cyan I'd like to try) because
> > > I need to stick to dark colors as I can't bleach my hair again until
> > > I shave my head and let it grow out.
> >
> > I'm glad to see that you are (in a sense) taking care of your hair. Did
> > you learn how many times you could bleach it through experience?
>
> How else would I? My hair is not something you can look up in an
> encyclopedia. My hair is different and special and requires an
> empirical approach in order to determine its endurance limits.
I now have an image in my head of you standing up and announcing "THIS
IS MY HAIR. THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE."
> I take an Ivan Drago approach to hair care. I WILL BREAK MY HAIR.
>
> > And have you done green? I'd like to see green.
>
> Tell you what. If they _ask_ me to be in Boston's Drunken Jerk Parade
> next spring, I'll dye it green. Otherwise, NO.
There are more shades of green than "stupid drunk" though. You could
have a lovely forest green and you could wear camo and become a
survivalist.
> In Boston, green hair is a political statement, slightly less subtle
> than wearing a "TEDDY KENNEDY FOR PRESIDENT" t-shirt.
If it's a very dark green, though, people will just think you're wierd
and not Irish.
Pope Jubal
---
Marc Goodman
> (Help me out here -- Johnny Depp
> in Pirates of the Caribbean -- gay or not gay?)
My father in law thought he was gay. My wife thought he
was sufficiently sexy that it didn't matter one way or the
other. On one hand, it was clear that he wenched around
on the Isle of Tortuga. On the other hand, this was
a disney film and gay pirates are only allowed in subtext.
I still think David Bowie is hotter, personally.
BTW, why am I the only one who thinks Wild Wild West was
loaded with gay subtext? I mean, you have two men who
live together on a train. One is the machobutch type who
wears tight trousers and gets in a lot of fights. The
other is the sensitive, intelligent type who stays at
home and does the cooking. From time to time, they
bring a couple of bimbos home and have a four-way.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Here in the U.S., they do make special cigarettes just for gay men.
> > They're called "cigars".
>
> Criminy! I think my fingers are gay! Please don't tell my wife.
Stop smoking your fingers! It's unhealthy because they don't have
filter-tips. Get some implanted then you can light your fingers
all you want.
> > In the U.S., there aren't any cigarettes just for gay children, but
> > there are plenty of cereals just for gay kids. Ever looked closely
> > at the Trix rabbit? To say nothing of the Quisp guy.
>
> And Captain Crunch the randy sailor, and that even-
> oTTo-with-borken-gaydar-can-tell-he's-gay leprechaun
> for Lucky Charms...
Dude, who broke your gaydar? Was it Frankenberry or King Vitaman?
You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
peg the needle of my gaydar.
(They don't make Mr. T cereal any more.)
-- K.
Remember Fruit Brute?
Otto Bahn
"Marc Goodman" <marc.g...@comcast.net> wrote in message news:4dWGc.40544$IQ4.37595@attbi_s02...
> Otto Bahn wrote:
> > (Help me out here -- Johnny Depp
> > in Pirates of the Caribbean -- gay or not gay?)
>
> My father in law thought he was gay. My wife thought he
> was sufficiently sexy that it didn't matter one way or the
> other.
That annoyed me as well.
> On one hand, it was clear that he wenched around
> on the Isle of Tortuga. On the other hand, this was
> a disney film and gay pirates are only allowed in subtext.
I blame the post-modern anti-anti-androgenous movement.
> I still think David Bowie is hotter, personally.
I am a man, a manly man, as such I cannot comment
on the beauty of other men. But I can comment on
not-beauty, and I think David Bowie is clearly not
beautiful.
> BTW, why am I the only one who thinks Wild Wild West was
> loaded with gay subtext? I mean, you have two men who
> live together on a train.
Suspicious activity one, check.
> One is the machobutch type who
> wears tight trousers and gets in a lot of fights.
Suspicious unecessarily tight trousers, check.
> The
> other is the sensitive, intelligent type who stays at
> home and does the cooking.
Suspicious activity two, check.
> From time to time, they
> bring a couple of bimbos home and have a four-way.
See? I don't geddit. At this point I'd say they
are straight.
> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
I dunno, let's ask Kevin Swilson.
--oTTo--
Otto Bahn
> Dude, who broke your gaydar? Was it Frankenberry or King Vitaman?
I'm pretty sure I was born this way. At my second
Duke women's basketball game, I commented to my
wife how many pairs of women were in the stands.
"Like duh," she said, "They're all lesbians." I was like,
"Oh..."
Two guys helped me when my car broke down in the
middle of the night in California. I thought they were
just two friendly California type guys, until when they
went to leave after my profuse thanks, I got a "nice"
pat on the butt. (I *can* detect flaming gays, such as
the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and guys wearing "Tight butts
drive me nuts" caps.)
> You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
> peg the needle of my gaydar.
Tony the Tiger?
I figure those Keebler elves are probably gay, but as
usual I'm not sure.
--oTTo--
Kevin S. Wilson
<Spam...@Baconburger.com> wrote:
>> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
>
>I dunno, let's ask Kevin Swilson.
Gay. Duh.
Get you anything else while I'm up?
--
Kevin S. Wilson
Tech Writer at a University Somewhere in Idaho
"You can safely ignore Kevin in order to
maximise life's experience." --A. Loon, in alt.religion.kibology
Otto Bahn
> >> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
> >
> >I dunno, let's ask Kevin Swilson.
>
> Gay. Duh.
And I thought it might just be Greek or something.
Wait...don't tell me they're having the Gay Olympics
this summer...? (I've always suspected bike racing
might be gay, but not THE OLYMPICS! Well,
maybe swimming is, what with those nut huggers
and all. Hmmm, maybe wrestling too. Oh my, this
is shattering all my illusions!)
> Get you anything else while I'm up?
A Newcastle Brown Ale or twelve would be nice.
I need to practice driving with my beer glasses on.
--oTTo--
Marc Goodman
> And I thought it might just be Greek or something.
Yes, yes it is. The name of a greek Goddess, in fact.
The writers should have just called him "Mary" and
gotten it over with.
Tim Chmielewski
@gargoyle.oit.duke.edu:
> "Kevin S. Wilson" <res...@spro.net> wrote:
>
>> >> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
>> >
>> >I dunno, let's ask Kevin Swilson.
>>
>> Gay. Duh.
>
> And I thought it might just be Greek or something.
> Wait...don't tell me they're having the Gay Olympics
> this summer...? (I've always suspected bike racing
> might be gay, but not THE OLYMPICS! Well,
> maybe swimming is, what with those nut huggers
> and all. Hmmm, maybe wrestling too. Oh my, this
> is shattering all my illusions!)
Some of the Austrian team will be competing with no pants.
David DeLaney
>Otto Bahn (Spam...@Baconburger.com) wrote:
>> And Captain Crunch the randy sailor, and that even-
>> oTTo-with-borken-gaydar-can-tell-he's-gay leprechaun
>> for Lucky Charms...
>
>Dude, who broke your gaydar? Was it Frankenberry or King Vitaman?
Otto's gaydar is SO BROKEN ...
<HOW BROKEN IS IT?>
Otto's gaydar is SO BROKEN that he has to use his friend Kevin's gay-DUH!
<Ba-dum BUM!>
>You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
>peg the needle of my gaydar.
Unfortunately, Fred Flinstone, _and_ Wilma. Betty & Barney, sure; Pebbles,
don't even ask; Bamm-Bamm, dur-HEY; Dino ... well, whatever gender it is,
I'm _sure_ it's gay. But Fred & Wilma? Unreservedly quintessentially
straighteroonie.
But given that outlying statistic, my analysis in the main agrees with Kibo's.
Tony the GrrrrrrEAT Tiger, "Toucan" Sam, Quisp (I mean, really! "Quisp"!),
Count Chocula and his monstrous pals, etc., etc.
> -- K.
> Remember Fruit Brute?
Dave "it's all coming back to me now" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney posting from d...@vic.com "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://www.vic.com/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ & Magic / I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Dude, who broke your gaydar? Was it Frankenberry or King Vitaman?
>
> I'm pretty sure I was born this way.
You weren't born without gaydar! You're going to hay-ell because
you chose to not have gaydar! Either that or your parents didn't
make you drink enough Tab!
> At my second Duke women's basketball game, I commented to my
> wife how many pairs of women were in the stands.
> "Like duh," she said, "They're all lesbians." I was like, "Oh..."
Then your wife told you _her_ secret.
> Two guys helped me when my car broke down in the
> middle of the night in California. I thought they were
> just two friendly California type guys, until when they
> went to leave after my profuse thanks, I got a "nice"
> pat on the butt. (I *can* detect flaming gays, such as
> the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and guys wearing "Tight butts
> drive me nuts" caps.)
They weren't gay. They were just other straight guys who chose
to be born without gaydar. They just patted you because they
thought you were gay.
To avoid future misunderstandings, everyone should wear nametags
with a little cartoon clown indicating their sexual orientation
in a clear and distinct yet pleasantly amusing manner.
Maybe something with seltzer.
> > You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
> > peg the needle of my gaydar.
>
> Tony the Tiger?
Dude, last time I saw him the Pink Panther and Snagglepuss were
offering to make him a sandwich.
-- K.
And they had a _big_ jar of mayo.
Otto Bahn
> Otto Bahn (Spam...@Baconburger.com) wrote:
> >
> > James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > Dude, who broke your gaydar? Was it Frankenberry or King Vitaman?
> >
> > I'm pretty sure I was born this way.
>
> You weren't born without gaydar! You're going to hay-ell because
> you chose to not have gaydar! Either that or your parents didn't
> make you drink enough Tab!
Indeed, we were a Fresca family.
> > At my second Duke women's basketball game, I commented to my
> > wife how many pairs of women were in the stands.
> > "Like duh," she said, "They're all lesbians." I was like, "Oh..."
>
> Then your wife told you _her_ secret.
Fortunately I'm a lesbian trapped in man's body
(And this means Secret antiperspirant works on
me).
> > Two guys helped me when my car broke down in the
> > middle of the night in California. I thought they were
> > just two friendly California type guys, until when they
> > went to leave after my profuse thanks, I got a "nice"
> > pat on the butt. (I *can* detect flaming gays, such as
> > the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and guys wearing "Tight butts
> > drive me nuts" caps.)
>
> They weren't gay. They were just other straight guys who chose
> to be born without gaydar. They just patted you because they
> thought you were gay.
Good point -- Real Gays[tm] would have known I
was straight and would have left me alone.
> To avoid future misunderstandings, everyone should wear nametags
> with a little cartoon clown indicating their sexual orientation
> in a clear and distinct yet pleasantly amusing manner.
I thought gay men already had some dress code for
that. (But how would I know?)
> > > You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
> > > peg the needle of my gaydar.
> >
> > Tony the Tiger?
>
> Dude, last time I saw him the Pink Panther and Snagglepuss were
> offering to make him a sandwich.
Like I said, it's borken good.
"Borken good" would be a good slogan for the war
on Iraq.
--oTTo--
Otto Bahn
> Unfortunately, Fred Flinstone, _and_ Wilma. Betty & Barney, sure; Pebbles,
> don't even ask; Bamm-Bamm, dur-HEY; Dino ... well, whatever gender it is,
> I'm _sure_ it's gay. But Fred & Wilma? Unreservedly quintessentially
> straighteroonie.
How about Bruce Jenner on the Wheaties box?
He sorta looks gay to me, but I'm pretty sure he's
married, not that there's anything wrong with that.
--oTTo--
Otto Bahn
And a virgin god to boot. What a waste of perfectly
good god cooter.
--oTTo--
Your dick's too short to fuck with god
David
[...]
> BTW, why am I the only one who thinks Wild Wild West was
> loaded with gay subtext?
No! I thought that too!
> I mean, you have two men who live together on a train. One is the
> machobutch type who wears tight trousers and gets in a lot of fights.
> The other is the sensitive, intelligent type who stays at home and does
> the cooking. From time to time, they bring a couple of bimbos home and
> have a four-way.
But what do the bimbos do?
> Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And what kind of name is Artemis, anyway?
Artemis: a Greek goddess. Patroness of the hunt.
What about that little Dr. Loveless guy, or whatever his name is?
David
[...]
> At my second Duke women's basketball game
D00d, did they find you out before the third?
"Oh, I'll shower at home. I forgot my special shower gelee!"
Got any good jpegs? Straight guys in drag are so cute (like puppies).
David
[...]
> To avoid future misunderstandings, everyone should wear nametags
> with a little cartoon clown indicating their sexual orientation
> in a clear and distinct yet pleasantly amusing manner.
Mine: "I don't care WHAT you are, I just can't be bothered!"
David
> Tony the GrrrrrrEAT Tiger, "Toucan" Sam, Quisp (I mean, really! "Quisp"!),
Wasn't it Quentin Quisp who wrote that autobiographical novel called
_The Naked Civil Servant_?
See too the web page at <http://www.crisperanto.org>.
Luv,
Davey
P.S. Straight people think I'm gay, and gay people think I'm straight.
Maybe what I am is "neutral".
David
> My hair is different and special and requires an
> empirical approach in order to determine its endurance limits.
*My* hair is whatever Her Majesty says it is!
D.
James Kibo Parry
>
> David DeLaney (d...@gatekeeper.vic.com) wrote:
> >
> > James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > You know, I actually can't think of one cereal character who doesn't
> > > peg the needle of my gaydar.
> >
> > don't even ask; Bamm-Bamm, dur-HEY; Dino ... well, whatever gender it is,
> > I'm _sure_ it's gay. But Fred & Wilma? Unreservedly quintessentially
> > straighteroonie.
>
> How about Bruce Jenner on the Wheaties box?
Dude, he was the gayest one in "Can't Stop The Music". In fact,
I think he was the only gay one in "Can't Stop The Music", unless
Steve Guttenberg is so dorky that he qualifies as honorary gay.
Getting back to Fred Flintstone, there's something about a man in
an animal-print sack dress eating "Fruity Pebbles" while yelling
"Yabba-Dabba-Doo!" that puts him at least halfway up the Jenner scale.
The real tragedy about gaydar is that it only works on cereal-box
characters. I mean, they're all so blatant. If you want to find out
whether an actual human is gay, you have to help him win the Olympics
so he can be on a Wheaties box, and then you can look at the picture
and know whether he was hitting on you.
-- K.
Why are you people suddenly
so interested in gayness?
Are you working up the courage
to ask me if I'm gay?
Kevin S. Wilson
Parry) wrote:
> Are you working up the courage to ask me if I'm gay?
Yo, Kibo! You be gay?
(I ain't afraid of no Kibo.)
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Are you working up the courage to ask me if I'm gay?
>
> Yo, Kibo! You be gay?
I don't feel I need to answer, unless the extra information will
improve your cocksucking technique.
> (I ain't afraid of no Kibo.)
Everyone's afraid of something, and whatever it is, I'll bring it along.
-- K.
Hey, I think this is the
first time I've used the
Lenny Bruce word here.
I wish words still had
shock value.
Otto Bahn
> > How about Bruce Jenner on the Wheaties box?
>
> Dude, he was the gayest one in "Can't Stop The Music". In fact,
> I think he was the only gay one in "Can't Stop The Music", unless
> Steve Guttenberg is so dorky that he qualifies as honorary gay.
And thus he cannot give blood! Who the hell is Steve
Guttenberg, anyway? Is he the printing press guy?
> Getting back to Fred Flintstone, there's something about a man in
> an animal-print sack dress eating "Fruity Pebbles" while yelling
> "Yabba-Dabba-Doo!" that puts him at least halfway up the Jenner scale.
Or perhaps you meant the Dahmer scale.
> Why are you people suddenly
> so interested in gayness?
I'm not interested in gayness. I'm interested in detecting
it, for my future job working for the Red Cross. "You!
In the paisley pink silk shirt! Out of the line! No free
cookies and juice for you!"
Just doing my part to prevent gay terrorism. Don't thank
me, just send money.
> Are you working up the courage
> to ask me if I'm gay?
No, not there's anything wrong with that. I'm pretty sure
the Cowardly Lion was gay though. But not the Tin Man.
I'd guess not for the Scarecrow too if he hadn't frisked
The Man Behind The Curtain...
Wait, maybe the Tin Man was a butch gay. Damb, this
is so confusing. I knew a guy named Butch Graves in
elementary school. He used to beat the crap out of kids
who made fun of his name.
And speaking of frisked, how come all the female airline
security workers are all built like a brick shithouse? I'm
not about to admit to *them* that there's a pistol in my
pocket.
--oTTo--
Mae West you may
Otto Bahn
> I wish words still had
> shock value.
You just need to hook them up to a power supply:
BZZZT--GAAH!
--oTTo--
When Al Gore speaks, women come
MarkEdwards
[snips]
> P.S. Straight people hope I'm gay, and gay people hope I'm straight.
> Maybe what I am is "unnatural".
I Fixed Your Post For You
Mark Edwards
--
Proof of Sanity Forged Upon Request
Kevin S. Wilson
Parry) wrote:
>Kevin S. Wilson (res...@spro.net) wrote:
>>
>> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
>> >
>> > Are you working up the courage to ask me if I'm gay?
>>
>> Yo, Kibo! You be gay?
>
>I don't feel I need to answer, unless the extra information will
>improve your cocksucking technique.
Why do you assume there's room for improvement?
>> (I ain't afraid of no Kibo.)
>
>Everyone's afraid of something, and whatever it is, I'll bring it along.
That would be the passage in "1984" in which Winston is strapped to a
chair while a cage containing a hungry rat is placed over his face.
I'm afraid of you forcing me to listen as you read it to me.
> -- K.
>
> Hey, I think this is the
> first time I've used the
> Lenny Bruce word here.
Then my work here is nearly done. What other words can I goad you into
using for the first time on ARK?
> I wish words still had
> shock value.
Sorry, that's the job of photos, these days.
David
> No cluons were harmed when David ! said
>>P.S. Straight people hope I'm gay, and gay people hope I'm straight.
>> Maybe what I am is "unnatural".
>
> I Fixed Your Post For You
What's naturalness or the lack of it got anything to do with sex?
Is fellatio "natural"? What about kissing?
For the record, I said "Maybe what I am is 'NEUTRAL.'" [Emphasis
added.] I expected somebody to come up with the OBVIOUS quip.
But thanks for cluing me in about that "IFYPFY" thing though. Maybe
someday I'll be able to thank y'all Little People for helping me to
become so darned C00L.
Luv,
Davey
Kevin S. Wilson
wrote:
>But thanks for cluing me in about that "IFYPFY" thing though. Maybe
>someday I'll be able to thank y'all Little People for helping me to
>become so darned C00L.
A few minutes ago my boss said that one of his goals before retiring
is to write a document in which I can find nothing to change or
correct. I'll tell you the same thing I told him:
"Good luck with that. Let me know how it turns out for you."
MarkEdwards
I wrote:
>> ...I Fixed Your Post For You...
David! spake and Cluons died:
> For the record, I said ...
What does what you actually said have to do with an "IFYPFY" post?
I think you need to join Seth in the furniture corner and lurk for
seven years, or until you gain enlightenment, whichever comes last.
Would you be so kind as to plug in that belt sander? Thank you.
The Avocado Avenger
> Kevin S. Wilson (res...@spro.net) wrote:
> > James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > Are you working up the courage to ask me if I'm gay?
Ten years I work up the courage to ask Kibo to the prom, and then I
find out he's already married to Jack Black.
> > Yo, Kibo! You be gay?
>
> I don't feel I need to answer, unless the extra information will
> improve your cocksucking technique.
I have the feeling that anything, and I mean anything, would improve
Kevin's cocksucking technique. You don't see the cocks lining up at his
doorway or anything.
In other news, I called the narc at work a "pussy" and told her to
"suck my dick". Will you people contribute to my PayPal account when I
get fired? 'K thanks.
Stacia
James Kibo Parry
>
> James "Kibo" Parry (ki...@world.std.com) wrote:
> >
> > Kevin S. Wilson (res...@spro.net) wrote:
> > >
> > > Yo, Kibo! You be gay?
> >
> > I don't feel I need to answer, unless the extra information will
> > improve your cocksucking technique.
>
> I have the feeling that anything, and I mean anything, would improve
> Kevin's cocksucking technique. You don't see the cocks lining up at his
> doorway or anything.
See, I have the feeling that anything _would_ improve his technique.
But same difference. We can agree that he's lousy at it, we'll just
disagree as to whether he can be salvaged. Only one way to find out.
> In other news, I called the narc at work a "pussy" and told her to
> "suck my dick".
You go, girl! Of course, if she actually is a narc, you might want to
read up on on what she might do to you when she cuffs you. To wit,
from "L.A. Secret Police" by Rothmiller & Goldman, excerpted at
www.TheMemoryHole.org:
-> As a rookie, Rothmiller wondered at first why so many street
-> toughs were willing to attack groups of cops when the odds
-> were so clearly against them.
->
-> Then he learned the secret. Early on he saw a fellow cop pat
-> down a suspect. "Don't move!" the cop ordered: And then
-> almost immediately the young black man jumped and took a
-> swing at the cop. The guy was nuts, Rothmiller though, meat
-> on a hook. And all the cops in range tenderized him. Then
-> Rothmiller wondered if the cop had pulled something. He did,
-> didn't he?
->
-> "You got it, rookie," another cop explained.
->
-> The frisker, Rothmiller learned, held a pin hidden in his
-> Sam Brown belt. Right after he told the man not to move, the
-> cop jabbed him. So the witnesses across the street had all
-> seen the detained jump and swing wildly -- just moments after
-> he was told, in no uncertain terms, not to move.
->
-> Rothmiller learned to recognize this favorite psycho trick.
-> The nutsos seemed to have their own pain network. Sometimes
-> they just pinched the target in the scrotum or in the
-> sensitive area under the armpits. Same result.
Despite that "Sam Browne" is misspelled you should be on the
lookout for the narc hiding a stabbing pin in her Sam Browne,
or in her Buster Browns, or even her Brownie uniform's sash.
No matter where it's hidden, she'll jab you with it just to
make you go bugfuck so she can pacify you, because it's no fun
for those people to pacify someone who's being peaceful.
I'm not sure what "The nutsos seemed to have their own pain network"
means, unless it's a reference to some cable channel I can't afford.
> Will you people contribute to my PayPal account when I get fired?
> 'K thanks.
I don't think you can pay your bail with PayPal. It'll be another
five years before all government services are absorbed into the
PayPal/eBay pyramid scheme, except for FEMA which will go with Flooz.
-- K.
And if she has the real six-cell
MagLite, don't come crying to
me when she splits your skull
all the way down to your crotch.
Tim Chmielewski
news:40EE0B2E...@io.com:
> In other news, I called the narc at work a "pussy" and told her to
> "suck my dick". Will you people contribute to my PayPal account when I
> get fired? 'K thanks.
Also these are good if you memorise them:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093058/quotes
Otto Bahn
> Despite that "Sam Browne" is misspelled you should be on the
> lookout for the narc hiding a stabbing pin in her Sam Browne,
> or in her Buster Browns, or even her Brownie uniform's sash.
> No matter where it's hidden, she'll jab you with it just to
> make you go bugfuck so she can pacify you, because it's no fun
> for those people to pacify someone who's being peaceful.
Pandora's Gem: mean people suck.
--oTTo--
B. Chas Parisher
> Why are you people suddenly
> so interested in gayness?
> Are you working up the courage
> to ask me if I'm gay?
Why ask you when we can get that information from your lovely and
talented ex-wives: Barbara Bain and Claudia Christensen?
Then again, only your hairdresser knows for sure.
--B. Chas Parisher
Otto Bahn
> "Good luck with that. Let me know how it turns out for you."
Last year I told a breast cancer doctor that she
has no idea what her patient's survival rate is,
and she couldn't figure it out even if she wanted
to. But it was really the IT infrastructure I was
lambasting, so I guess that doesn't really count.
--oTTo--
Please let us know when you die
Otto Bahn
Which immediately conjurs up the image of Buggs Bunny
and the Orange Monster Wearing Converse Sneakers.
Elmer Fudd: Gay or not? Other than the lisp, he strikes
me as pretty straight.
--oTTo--
E. G. Houck
Parry) wrote:
>Even stuff like Manic Panic that you can get elsewhere is tremendously
>cheaper at Sally, with or without their discount card (Manic Panic
>is $10 from the manufacturer, $8 from the punk store, $6.50 from Sally
>with the discount card. Sally doesn't carry a lot of orange shades,
>but I know how to mix the yellow and red ones.)
Jesus, kids have it way too easy today, you practically had to go to
London to get it when I was using it.
Do you find that the red and orange hair colors don't photograph well?
The Pillar Box Red always looked like someone had airbrushed it in in
pictures.
>I need to get out of the habit of leaving the bleach in so long, it
>really doesn't help. Leaving the color in long, that's the important
>part. I'm still just learning how to do this right, but I think
>I've figured out that I'm supposed to first use bleach plus 40-vol
>developer for a short time, then color plus 30-vol for a longer time.
What I was told by my hairdressing relatives back in the day is that
you leave the dye and developer in ten minutes per ten volumes. And
to get the dyes to set better, get your head hot, a plastic bag is
good, plastic bag and towel better, best is plastic bag, dark towel
and sun. It's not generally recommended doing this with the bleach,
but if you've come to grips with the breakage point of your hair, go
for it. It does burn, but I'm getting the feeling you don't mind
that.
Gillian
Fishbulb
"Otto Bahn" <Spam...@Baconburger.com> wrote in message
news:cck651$i81$1...@gargoyle.oit.duke.edu...
> > Yes, yes it is. The name of a greek Goddess, in fact.
> > The writers should have just called him "Mary" and
> > gotten it over with.
I once had a drill instructor we all called Mary (not to his face, of
course).
Some of the other drill instructors also referred to him as Mary (not to his
face, of course).
We all thought he was gay, until we met his wife. She was gayer than him.
The Avocado Avenger
> The Avocado Avenger (sta...@io.com) wrote:
> But same difference. We can agree that he's lousy at it, we'll just
> disagree as to whether he can be salvaged. Only one way to find out.
Since I do not have a cock of my own, I will volunteer someone else's
to find out. Darla?
> > In other news, I called the narc at work a "pussy" and told her to
> > "suck my dick".
>
> You go, girl! Of course, if she actually is a narc, you might want to
> read up on on what she might do to you when she cuffs you.
The Kansas version of narc is not as interesting. Just some
knocked-up 20 year old who happens to be friends with someone high
enough up to make work rotten. More rotten than normal, I guess.
> I don't think you can pay your bail with PayPal. It'll be another
> five years before all government services are absorbed into the
> PayPal/eBay pyramid scheme, except for FEMA which will go with Flooz.
This is especially funny to me, since I work in insurance. I'll let
the rest of you people mull that one over for a while.
Also, I got bail covered. Having been arrested before, I know what I
need to do for bail. Bail's not that big of a deal.
Stacia
James Kibo Parry
> >
> > The Avocado Avenger (sta...@io.com) wrote:
> > >
> > > In other news, I called the narc at work a "pussy" and told her to
> > > "suck my dick".
> >
> > You go, girl! Of course, if she actually is a narc, you might want to
> > read up on on what she might do to you when she cuffs you.
>
> The Kansas version of narc is not as interesting. Just some
> knocked-up 20 year old who happens to be friends with someone high
> enough up to make work rotten. More rotten than normal, I guess.
I'm sure _real_ Kansas narcs are quite interesting. After all, Kansas
is where that sheriff let the schoolkid play with his handcuffs and
wound up trying to cut the kid out of them with the plasma torch. ("And
now, we'll find out what has the lower melting point, steel or farm boy.")
I can imagine that your local narcotics squad is just as exciting (they
probably think pickle relish is crack and vice versa) not to mention your
SWAT teams probably make their own armor out of old egg cartons. Cool!
> > I don't think you can pay your bail with PayPal. It'll be another
> > five years before all government services are absorbed into the
> > PayPal/eBay pyramid scheme, except for FEMA which will go with Flooz.
>
> This is especially funny to me, since I work in insurance. I'll let
> the rest of you people mull that one over for a while.
So what's the Kansas version of an insurance salesman? Do the policies
replace bales of hay that accidentally get eaten? Or do they just cover
having your hands burned off by idiot sheriffs?
> Also, I got bail covered. Having been arrested before, I know what I
> need to do for bail. Bail's not that big of a deal.
So you can get out of jail by giving them one of those big blocks of hay?
And if you try paying with PayPal, they say "That ain't hay, ma'am!"?
-- K.
I should mail you a handcuff key
so you can show up the cops by
being the only person in the whole
state who has one.
The Avocado Avenger
>
> So what's the Kansas version of an insurance salesman? Do the policies
> replace bales of hay that accidentally get eaten? Or do they just cover
> having your hands burned off by idiot sheriffs?
They replace bales of hay that get destroyed, sure. I don't think
I've seen a claim where hay was accidentally eaten, but you never know.
The best claim we saw recently was a buffalo farmer in Western Kansas,
whose fence was trampled by buffalo and so some got out. He called the
sheriff and the insurance agent to help him find the buffalo -- yes,
that is normal procedure for farmers in Kansas. Neighbors, cops, SWAT
teams, whoever will go search for your missing animals.
So they drive around for hours and can't find the buffalo. It's night
time by now, and all of a sudden the sheriff gets a call that some lady
hit a buffalo over on a nearby county road. The sheriff rushes over...
and hits another buffalo on the way. He calls for backup, and they too
hit a buffalo.
My guess is that the farmer is never going to call the Keystone Kops
to help him again. The only buffalo they found the last I heard were
the 3 that were hit by cars.
Stacia
Otto Bahn
> My guess is that the farmer is never going to call the Keystone Kops
> to help him again. The only buffalo they found the last I heard were
> the 3 that were hit by cars.
Well at least he could still sell the meat. Any word
on how much damage the cop cars sustained?
And in Soviet Yellowstone, buffalo hits you! Not
only that, but they fine you for it:
http://espn.go.com/outdoors/conservation/news/2002/0809/1416254.html
--oTTo--