The Spice Girls Still Suck
Lady Jaye
On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L.
Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
>I also winced when I saw Sting playing the token white boy during the
>performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
>to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
>squeezin it for all its worth.
Yeah, Puff Daddy has become sooooo big that he's replaced the
role/position that Biggie held as the most popular r&b/hip hop star.
Let's just face it...Puff is leeching off Biggie and has been for a
while now, even before Biggie's death...and oh yeah, the conspiracy
theories surrounding Biggie's death point to Puff. Puff killed Biggie
to become famous! ...yeah, whatever...
>lee
>who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
>--
that will probably never happen esp. since the Spice Girls are still
around...
-Lady Jaye-
L. Shelton Bumgarner
I thought Cris Rock was a pretty good host at this year's MTV Music
Video Awards, relative to previous hosts other years. He seemed pretty
hip, although I winced when I saw those telephone ads 'cause it
reminded me that the ad-cult people have sucked the very living
kewlness out of yet another generation.
I also winced when I saw Sting playing the token white boy during the
performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
squeezin it for all its worth.
Fiona Apple was throw'in down. She started talkin and the next thing
you know it was *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. It was like those little kids
on South Park suddenly cussin' like sailors.
What was up with the spice girls? They really looked like a bunch of
whores, esp. the blond one who looked like a plump cupy doll on crack.
And I was slightly unsettled by the one wearing the US flag as a
smock.(Aren't there laws against that kinda stuff?)I've decided that
"sporty spice" has the best voice and will actually have a ligitminate
career when the band breaks up. Then I saw an ad for their coming
movie "Spiceworld." Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next
"Yahoo Serious."
Then, of course, there was your gross-out freak Marylin Manson. Those
guys (?) are sick sick SICK, twisted and evil. They did, however,
produce some of the most surreal TV to date during their performance.
Yes, it was after 11:00, but it was still weird.
lee
who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
--
L. Shelton Bumgarner -- Keeper of the Great Renaming FAQ
[Please remove "REMOVETHIS" from my email to respond to my posts]
Nattering Nabob of Negativism * http://www.nottowayez.net/~leebum
Laurie Cubbison
In article <14310BF9DA31FA37.D1B9B0AC...@library-proxy.airnews.net>,
L. Shelton Bumgarner <lee...@nottowayez.net> wrote:
>I thought Cris Rock was a pretty good host at this year's MTV Music
>Video Awards, relative to previous hosts other years. He seemed pretty
>hip, although I winced when I saw those telephone ads 'cause it
>reminded me that the ad-cult people have sucked the very living
>kewlness out of yet another generation.
>
>I also winced when I saw Sting playing the token white boy during the
>performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
>to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
>squeezin it for all its worth.
I enjoyed that tribute. I found it interesting if a little surreal at the
end when people were clapping for everyone from Tupac Shakur to Princess
Diana. As for the Sting bit, I wished he had had more to do, but at least
he was there instead of just being sampled. I also thought it a bit
bizarre that they used that particular song, since as originally written
it was basically a song about stalking.
>
>Fiona Apple was throw'in down. She started talkin and the next thing
>you know it was *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. It was like those little kids
>on South Park suddenly cussin' like sailors.
>
Quite a few people were swearing.
>What was up with the spice girls? They really looked like a bunch of
>whores, esp. the blond one who looked like a plump cupy doll on crack.
and the black armbands!! good grief, combining black armbands in honor of
Princess Diana with those garish whorish outfits. looked very strange...
>And I was slightly unsettled by the one wearing the US flag as a
>smock.(Aren't there laws against that kinda stuff?)I've decided that
>"sporty spice" has the best voice and will actually have a ligitminate
>career when the band breaks up. Then I saw an ad for their coming
>movie "Spiceworld." Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next
>"Yahoo Serious."
>
>Then, of course, there was your gross-out freak Marylin Manson. Those
>guys (?) are sick sick SICK, twisted and evil. They did, however,
>produce some of the most surreal TV to date during their performance.
>Yes, it was after 11:00, but it was still weird.
>
You gotta wonder who lined up the artists for this one. Some great
choices--Wallflowers and Springsteen--but also some really bizarre
ones--Marilyn Manson being the most bizarre of all. All those people
talking during the show about the people who died and went to heaven, and
then you end the show with Marilyn Manson arguing for hell and damnation.
>lee
>who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
>--
>L. Shelton Bumgarner -- Keeper of the Great Renaming FAQ
>[Please remove "REMOVETHIS" from my email to respond to my posts]
>Nattering Nabob of Negativism * http://www.nottowayez.net/~leebum
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laurie Cubbison Beat the rush. Worry early.
cubb...@holli.com --Michele Simmons
cubb...@omni.cc.purdue.edu http://www.iquest.net/~cubbison
Stinky Horseblanket
In article
<14310BF9DA31FA37.D1B9B0AC...@library-proxy.airnews.net>,
lee...@nottowayez.net wrote:
>I also winced when I saw Sting playing the token white boy during the
>performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
>to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
>squeezin it for all its worth.
I saw the interview with him in the post-show. He struck me as a deeply
unctuous individual. John Williams struck me the same way when I saw him
on Charlie Rose[1]. I think you can tell alot about the quality of a
person's musianship by observing them as a person.
>Then, of course, there was your gross-out freak Marylin Manson. Those
>guys (?) are sick sick SICK, twisted and evil. They did, however,
>produce some of the most surreal TV to date during their performance.
>Yes, it was after 11:00, but it was still weird.
It was MM's Bill Clinton drawl that spooked me. Deeply. "I see you all
out there, trying not to be ugly..." Let it not be said that Marilyn isn't
the ultimate showman. I felt he really had a connexion[2] with the
audience at that point; people love it when you talk *at* them.
The audience response was tepid after his performance (the *real* Satan
would *never* get a tepid response.) I don't know if it was the "fascism
of Christianity" business, but I'm probably more conservative than 99% of
that audience and would have applauded him at least because I feel kinda
sorry for him [3] (somebody should have pulled a Citizen Kane; clap firmly
and start a forced standing ovation.) The whole production seemed designed
only to nonplus the audience and even more deeply offend the deeply
offended (I could imagine Bob Larson going nuts, but I don't think he gets
cable.) If MM learns anything from Nietzsche- and let's give him the
benefit of the doubt here (*hee hee*)- it should be to Choose Worthy
Enemies.
[1] Of course, you have to recalibrate your unct-o-meter[4] in order to
cancel out the effect of Charlie.[6]
[2] Stupid French spelling included for AS"G"D.
[3] What with him sucking and all.[5]
[4] Non-real word included for those who register high on the pedant-o-meter.
[5] <short shameful confession> After having "The Beautiful People"
foisted on me for the billionth time, it actually started to seem, well,
kinda funky. </short shameful confession>
[6] The Charlie Rose show did, however, give me inspiration for my one and
only celebrity impression; Michael Drosnin. <clipped, stacatto NY(?)
accent> "I am not a religious man, Chawley, I do not believe in Gawhd",
"The Bible code is based... on prawbuhbilities."</clipped, stacatto NY(?)
accent>
"But people will think..."
LSB> WHAT I WANT THEM TO THINK!!11!!11!
--
"I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that
bring in higher prices than any in the world." - Mark Twain
T.W.I.D.N.: http://www.nr.infi.net/~tagutcow/twidn.html
G. M. Lupo
L. Shelton Bumgarner wrote:
> Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
Actually, Yahoo did pretty well for himself after he turned his talents
to the Web.
Matt Lupo
--
G. M. Lupo: ham...@lupo.com
P.O. Box 161963, Atlanta, GA 30321-1963
<http://www.webcom.com/hamlet/>
<http://www.lupo.com/~hamlet/jaycees/>
Joseph Michael Bay
>Then I saw an ad for their coming
>movie "Spiceworld." Yikes!
"Who controls the Spice Girls controls the universe".
With music by TOTO!
> Am I the only one that look like the next
>"Yahoo Serious."
I've always imagined you look like Yahoo Serious. Or Potsy Weber. Or
maybe his brother Max.
>Then, of course, there was your gross-out freak Marylin Manson. Those
>guys (?) are sick sick SICK, twisted and evil.
Well, it's not like we go around saying "Hey, look at us, we worship
the devil." I mean, it's a very personal thing, a man's relationship
with the devil.
---
Sincerely Sincerely,
Sirhan S. Sirhan (Age 6)
L. Shelton Bumgarner
On 6 Sep 1997 03:43:42 GMT, otv...@aol.com (OTVerge) wrote:
>>Subject: The Spice Girls Still Suck
>>From: lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner)
>
>>I thought Cris Rock was a pretty good host at this year's MTV Music
>>Video Awards, relative to previous hosts other years. He seemed pretty
>>hip, although I winced when I saw those telephone ads 'cause it
>>reminded me that the ad-cult people have sucked the very living
>>kewlness out of yet another generation.
>[ s n i p ]
>>Fiona Apple was throw'in down. She started talkin and the next thing
>>you know it was *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. It was like those little kids
>>on South Park suddenly cussin' like sailors.
>[ s n a p ]
>
>Chris Rock was a miserable host on the MTV awards show *I* saw.
>You say Fiona Apple was bleeped; what about the first 20 minutes
>of the show, before they got the message to Chris to come down off
>whatever he had taken and watch his prick mouth. (I love that line.)
>He has always talked like he has marbles in his mouth, and he's ain't
>so skilled at reading off tele-prompters. He is no representative of the
>"kewl" (you should be shot for using that word) twenty-somethings of
>the world today.
Back off man, I'm a Kibologists.
> He remains a third rate Eddy Murphy wanna-be.
>
>THAT said, the most brilliant moment of the night might have to be the
>little interview with Marilyn Manson where Marilyn admited he (it) likes
>to watch Baywatch.
lee
M. Otis Beard
Stinky Horseblanket wrote:
>
> In article
> <14310BF9DA31FA37.D1B9B0AC...@library-proxy.airnews.net>,
> lee...@nottowayez.net wrote:
>
> >I also winced when I saw Sting playing the token white boy during the
> >performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
> >to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
> >squeezin it for all its worth.
>
> I saw the interview with him in the post-show. He struck me as a deeply
> unctuous individual. John Williams struck me the same way when I saw him
> on Charlie Rose[1].
John Williams and I are gonna bloody well catch a bloody plane to your
bloody hometown and bloody well strike you AGAIN[1] if you *continue*
bloody well being such a deeply bloody unctuous bloody individual.
-Sting
[1] Until you're bloody.
M. Otis Beard
L. Shelton Bumgarner
>>lee
>>who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
>
> OK fine, the songs are cool, nicely written (and I'm a picky
>ass too) and even meaningful, but have you seen an INTERVIEW ? Yikes.
>What a cripplingly weird schmuck. No social skills that I'd want in
>the family, ya' know (and I've got an odd family). I do not say that
>lightly. Shmuckdom is difficult to achieve, but...wow !
Actually, I think he's pretty cool off stage as well. He's sooooooo
laidback.I still wanna grow up to be like Jamarqui (sp?)
lee
all I need is a felt hat and I would be cool
Beverley R. White
I'm not going to make the obvious comment about doubting Lee's dissociative
mental structure.
--
bev. don't talk of worlds that never were.
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake wedn...@huitzilo.tezcat.com (Beverley R. White):
>L. Shelton Bumgarner <lee...@nottowayez.net> wrote:
>>Back off man, I'm a Kibologists.
>
>I'm not going to make the obvious comment about doubting Lee's dissociative
>mental structure.
It might not have been a plural. He could simply have
forgotton the '.
Alright, who owns Lee? Who let him out in the yard again?
Get your dirty hands off me you ape!
--
Alex Suter
"The new phone books are here!"
http://www-cs-students.stanford.edu/~asuter/
L. Shelton Bumgarner
On 6 Sep 1997 10:11:41 -0500, wedn...@huitzilo.tezcat.com (Beverley
R. White) wrote:
>L. Shelton Bumgarner <lee...@nottowayez.net> wrote:
>>Back off man, I'm a Kibologists.
>
>I'm not going to make the obvious comment about doubting Lee's dissociative
>mental structure.
Nos, Is justs haves as lisps.
lees
Georges Castansas woulds loves Usenets
L. Shelton Bumgarner
>L. Shelton Bumgarner <lee...@nottowayez.net> wrote:
>>Back off man, I'm a Kibologists.
>
>I'm not going to make the obvious comment about doubting Lee's dissociative
>mental structure.
I love you too, sweet cakes.
lee
<kissy poo>
(Yikes, I'm channeling Joel Furr!>
Jay C Jachimiak
On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology
lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
>Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
^^^^
You misspelled "thinks". Hope this helps.
-Jay
jay...@panix.com
the "c" stands for "charisma"
P.S. And the answer is yes.
P.P.S. Unless you meant "looks". Post a GIF, or a PGP image, so we
can judge for ourselves.
jpot...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
John S. Shinal (jsh...@mindspring.com) wrote:
: >lee
: >who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
:
: OK fine, the songs are cool, nicely written (and I'm a picky
: ass too) and even meaningful, but have you seen an INTERVIEW ? Yikes.
: What a cripplingly weird schmuck. No social skills that I'd want in
: the family, ya' know (and I've got an odd family). I do not say that
: lightly. Shmuckdom is difficult to achieve, but...wow !
Not too mention he was lip synching. At least the Spice Girls actually
sang their song live.
--
### ./\. ### JASON POTAPOFF. Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
### _|\| |/|_ ### Email: jpot...@freenet.edmonton.ab.ca
### \ / ###
### >______< ###
### / ###
James Kibo Parry
L. Shelton Bumgarner (lee...@nottowayez.net) wrote:
>
> What was up with the spice girls? They really looked like a bunch of
> whores [...]
Next up, only here on your Usenet channel!
L. Shelton Bumgarner sets up a cardboard booth on the sidewalk and sits in it
under the sign which says "I JUST DISCOVERED THAT CANDY TASTES YUMMY AND
YOU DON'T KNOW THIS, NOW GIVE ME FIVE CENTS!"
The really sad thing is that there will be little kids who will.
And they'll grow up to run _Wired_ and get back L.S.'s five cents.
-- K.
The number of fluorescent spot colors
per publication is inversely
proportional to the number of
memes measured by weight.
Wired has no fat memes. Word!
AND YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT L. SHELTON BUMGARNER OR I'LL
KICK YOU OUT OF MY CLIQUE!!!!
Nick S Bensema
In article <kibo-ya02408000R...@news.std.com>,
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>AND YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT L. SHELTON BUMGARNER OR I'LL
>KICK YOU OUT OF MY CLIQUE!!!!
You misspelled "CLQQQQ". Hope this helps.
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card Holder #710563
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now with 95% less sodium!
Maelstrom
jay...@panix.com (Jay C Jachimiak) wrote thus:
>
>On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology
>lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
>
>>Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
<SNIP> ^^^^
>. Post a GIF, or a PGP image, so we
> can judge for ourselves.
Well look at what I just found on his web site...
(Deja lusers go to http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5225/leespice.gif)
--Maelstrom
James Kibo Parry
ni...@primenet.com (Nick S Bensema) wrote:
>
> James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
> >
> > AND YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT L. SHELTON BUMGARNER OR I'LL
> > KICK YOU OUT OF MY CLIQUE!!!!
>
> You misspelled "CLQQQQ". Hope this helps.
BUY A CLQQ, DQQD !!!!1 YQQR STQQPID !!!!!!!!!1
Okay, I think we just set a new record for beating a dead meme.
What happens when you beat a dead meme?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine... ALL OVER YOU SCREEN!
Now keep this krunk out of alt.doidy! <-- IT'S OKAY, I'VE GOT ANOTHER MEME.
-- K.
WHY DOES DR. PEQQER COME IN A BOQQLE?
`K. Marie Mennie'
In article <3413d4c9...@news.panix.com>,
Jay C Jachimiak <jay...@panix.com> wrote:
:On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology
:lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
:>Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
: can judge for ourselves.
He does have a picture up on his web page.
I was a bit taken aback to discover that he looks EXACTLY like Lee
Bumgarner.
Lupus looks a little taller and more clean-cut than Lupus; it's the
Archie element that throws you. Bev looks a bit like Bev but with
glasses. Ted Frank looks like Ted Frank only when he's wearing a suit.
Jaffo was supposed to look like Gabbo but doesn't, and Ellen's photograph
was obviously calculated to disguise her similarity to Betty Crocker (the
updated one). Kibo is. Lee is the only person who _really_ looks like
himself. Go have a peek; you'll see what I mean.
--
kia MENNIE http://neon.ingenia.ca/stalkme/
Michael Straight
On 6 Sep 1997, Stinky Horseblanket wrote:
> I saw the interview with him in the post-show. He struck me as a deeply
> unctuous individual. John Williams struck me the same way when I saw him
> on Charlie Rose[1]. I think you can tell alot about the quality of a
> person's musianship by observing them as a person.
Yeah, I used to love Bach's music until I saw that _Immortal Beloved_
movie and found out what a total bozo he was. Now I realize his music
sucks and I put my Brandenburg Variations and Goldberg Concerto CDs in the
microwave and at least got some pretty sparks out of them.
Ha! Michael Straight isn't in this thread for the reason you thought!
FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/Magic Hitler Hats/"Hath grace limits?"
"Irate clam thighs!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
Ian A. York
In article <kibo-ya02408000R...@news.std.com>,
James "Kibo" Parry <ki...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
>AND YOU GUYS STOP TALKING ABOUT L. SHELTON BUMGARNER OR I'LL
>KICK YOU OUT OF MY CLIQUE!!!!
Sir:
For your information, I started to write a little thing about "Ark Talk
with Clique and Claque", in which Mr Bumgarner phoned up to ask about his
Ark problems and got mocked by Clique and laughed at by Claque, but the
execution wasn't as funny as the concept, which itself wasn't really very
funny either. All readers should therefore consider the concept quietly
to themselves and laugh, or not laugh, as they see fit.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Sincerely yrs.,
Ian York
Lisa Rea's Love Bunny
--
Ian York (iay...@panix.com) <http://www.panix.com/~iayork/>
"-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England
Maelstrom
In article <5v0701$j...@saltmine.radix.net>,
kmm@[remove-this-part]aaln.org wrote:
>
> In article <3413d4c9...@news.panix.com>,
> Jay C Jachimiak <jay...@panix.com> wrote:
> :On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology
> :lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
> :>Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
> :P.P.S. Unless you meant "looks". Post a GIF, or a PGP image, so we
> : can judge for ourselves.
>
> He does have a picture up on his web page.
>
> I was a bit taken aback to discover that he looks EXACTLY like Lee
> Bumgarner.
I posted the *real* picture of Lee to this thread last night but it
doesn't seem to have been propogated and because it's SO KEWL that it has
to be seen NOW NOW NOW everyone one must go to
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5225/leespice.gif
Also the picture on Lee's page was made from a digitally altered copy of
mine so now I'm suing Lee for ALL THE CANDY IN THE WORLD!
--Maelstrom
-------------------==== Posted via Deja News ====-----------------------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Post to Usenet
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake kmm@[remove-this-part]aaln.org:
>Lupus looks a little taller and more clean-cut than Lupus; it's the
>Archie element that throws you.
Betty. Veronica. Betty. Veronica. Betty. Veronica. Betty.
Veronica. Betty. Veronica. Betty. Veronica. Betty. Veronica.
When do I collect unemployment?
HI TO ZIPPY IF HE'S WATCHING!
L. Shelton Bumgarner
On 8 Sep 1997 02:46:25 -0400, kmm@[remove-this-part]aaln.org (`K.
Marie Mennie') wrote:
>
>In article <3413d4c9...@news.panix.com>,
>Jay C Jachimiak <jay...@panix.com> wrote:
>:On Sat, 06 Sep 1997 01:52:37 GMT, in alt.religion.kibology
>:lee...@REMOVETHIS.nottowayez.net (L. Shelton Bumgarner) wrote:
>:>Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next "Yahoo Serious."
>:P.P.S. Unless you meant "looks". Post a GIF, or a PGP image, so we
>: can judge for ourselves.
>
>He does have a picture up on his web page.
>
>I was a bit taken aback to discover that he looks EXACTLY like Lee
>Bumgarner.
>
>Lupus looks a little taller and more clean-cut than Lupus; it's the
>Archie element that throws you. Bev looks a bit like Bev but with
>glasses. Ted Frank looks like Ted Frank only when he's wearing a suit.
>Jaffo was supposed to look like Gabbo but doesn't, and Ellen's photograph
>was obviously calculated to disguise her similarity to Betty Crocker (the
>updated one). Kibo is. Lee is the only person who _really_ looks like
>himself. Go have a peek; you'll see what I mean.
Actually, I was thinking of replacing that several-year-old picture
with a new one of me with my girlfriend.
lee
will you stop looking at me!!!!111!!!
Joseph Michael Bay
Michael Straight <stra...@email.unc.edu> writes:
>Yeah, I used to love Bach's music until I saw that _Immortal Beloved_
>movie and found out what a total bozo he was. Now I realize his music
>sucks and I put my Brandenburg Variations and Goldberg Concerto CDs in the
>microwave and at least got some pretty sparks out of them.
You loser! The Goldbach Variations ("Variations on a Conjecture") are
THE GREATEST COLLECTION OF TERPSICHORD MUSIC EVER!!!!!! People like you
should be forced to listen to "My Favorite Things" all the time*. You
think _Immortal Beloved_ makes Bach seem like a Bozo? What about his
arch-rival Galileo who made him think he had been commisioned to write
his own Requiem? How awful is that? Hm?
Sincerely,
Samuel Morse Wizzlestump,
The Pirogi and Latke Organization (PLO)
---
*The Julie Andrews version. HA!
Lupus Yonderboy
Thus spake Maelstrom <mael...@deathsdoor.com>:
>http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5225/leespice.gif
>
>Also the picture on Lee's page was made from a digitally altered copy of
>mine so now I'm suing Lee for ALL THE CANDY IN THE WORLD!
Hey, those Spice Girls look like whores! And when it rains, I
get wet! When I'm outside! Without an umbrella! Some people on
AOL sure are dumb!
lupus
Marilyn Manson! What a freak!
M. Otis Beard
Ian A. York wrote:
>
> Sir:
>
> For your information, I started to write a little thing about "Ark Talk
> with Clique and Claque", in which Mr Bumgarner phoned up to ask about his
> Ark problems and got mocked by Clique and laughed at by Claque, but the
> execution wasn't as funny as the concept, which itself wasn't really very
> funny either. All readers should therefore consider the concept quietly
> to themselves and laugh, or not laugh, as they see fit.
I haven't seen fit in some time now. Do you have his new e-mail
address? This isn't funny either.
> Thank you for your cooperation.
Don't talk to me in that tone of voice, Ian.
> Sincerely yrs.,
>
> Ian York
>
> Lisa Rea's Love Bunny
I'd hunt you down and kill you with a Q-Tip(tm) for this, but then I'd
have to get rid of the body, and I just don't feel like cleaning out the
woodchipper again this week. Besides, it's kind of cute the way you
wrinkle up your nose when you smell glove.
Nick S Bensema
> WHY DOES DR. PEQQER COME IN A BOQQLE?
DR. PEQQER IN A BOQQLE?
BEQQER LET HIM QQT!!!!
In order to use the word "PEQQER" on the E! channel, you have to change
one of the E's into a set of three sergeant stripes, or else you'll offend
all the people who watch Howard Stern every day.
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card Holder #710563
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hey, that kinda looks like... Tom Selleck!"
Joseph Michael Bay
"M. Otis Beard" <moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards> writes:
>> Lisa Rea's Love Bunny
> I'd hunt you down and kill you with a Q-Tip(tm) for this, but then I'd
>have to get rid of the body, and I just don't feel like cleaning out the
>woodchipper again this week. Besides, it's kind of cute the way you
>wrinkle up your nose when you smell glove.
Mr/Ms Beard:
Please be advised that your system administrator and the local branch
of the FBI have been notified as to your using the global communication
system to post threats of violence.
Furthermore, surviving members (i.e. everyone but the drummer) of the
.. ..
band Spinal Tap (tm) have begun legal action for your ill-advised
appropriation of the phrase "Smell the Glove"(tm).
You Have Been Warned.
Sincerely,
Lisa Rea's Love Chimp
and Phoebe, the cute little bunny, bart, col. RAF, ret (age three)
Gidget
>Video Awards, relative to previous hosts other years. He seemed pretty
>hip, although I winced when I saw those telephone ads 'cause it
>reminded me that the ad-cult people have sucked the very living
>kewlness out of yet another generation.
>
>performance of that abomination of music known as Puff Daddy's tribute
>to the Natorious BIG. That do0d died, what, a year ago and he's still
>squeezin it for all its worth.
>
>you know it was *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*. It was like those little kids
>on South Park suddenly cussin' like sailors.
>
>And I was slightly unsettled by the one wearing the US flag as a
>smock.(Aren't there laws against that kinda stuff?)I've decided that
>"sporty spice" has the best voice and will actually have a ligitminate
>career when the band breaks up. Then I saw an ad for their coming
>movie "Spiceworld." Yikes! Am I the only one that look like the next
>"Yahoo Serious."
>
>Then, of course, there was your gross-out freak Marylin Manson. Those
>guys (?) are sick sick SICK, twisted and evil. They did, however,
>produce some of the most surreal TV to date during their performance.
>Yes, it was after 11:00, but it was still weird.
>
>lee
>who hopes all music will sound like "Beck" in the future.
---
DrG "*Greed,* IS *good....<3*" --Mr. 'Michael Douglas,' _Wall $treet_
*Sigma Chi*
Punahou '84
Stanford University Cardinal, Palo Alto CA
U$C Trojan$ '89
"I wuz *educated* @ 'Woodstock.'"
Waikiki, U$A
ps WATCH 'The Tonight Show with James Leno'
WATCH Ms. VALERIE BERTINELLI VAN HALEN's new series this FALL on CBS <3
$UPPORT the *rock-n-roll* group: '?Van Halen?'
mahalo HRH Princess 'Di,' et al.
Hong Ooi
On Mon, 08 Sep 1997 20:54:19 -0700, christopher <redd...@ne.infi.net>
wrote:
>
>Michael Straight wrote:
>>
>> Yeah, I used to love Bach's music until I saw that _Immortal Beloved_
>> movie and found out what a total bozo he was. Now I realize his music
>> sucks and I put my Brandenburg Variations and Goldberg Concerto CDs in the
>> microwave and at least got some pretty sparks out of them.
>>
>> Ha! Michael Straight isn't in this thread for the reason you thought!
>> FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
>> Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/Magic Hitler Hats/"Hath grace limits?"
>> "Irate clam thighs!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."
>
>Wasn't Imortal Beloved about Beethoven?
Sheesh, not another movie about a dog.
--
Hong Ooi | "I can't possibly be having a Unix/Mac superiority war"
ho...@zip.com.au | -- RW
Sydney, Australia |
Gardner S. Trask III
Maelstrom wrote:
> I posted the *real* picture of Lee to this thread last night but it
> doesn't seem to have been propogated and because it's SO KEWL that it has
> to be seen NOW NOW NOW everyone one must go to
> http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5225/leespice.gif
I went and looked at the picture noted above. And the caption indicates it is
really what he wants, but I was wondering; Why does Lee want to have legs
like a spice girl? Or is it that he really, really wants to dress in nylons
in public?
Gard "Inquiring minds want to know." Trask
E Teflon Piano
In article <5v21v6$o0g$3...@gte2.gte.net>, moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards
wrote:
} I'd hunt you down and kill you with a Q-Tip(tm) for this, but then I'd
}have to get rid of the body, and I just don't feel like cleaning out the
}woodchipper again this week.
Has anybody told Otis that if you turn your monitor upside down while
viewing the jeff of Lisa Pez on Tom's page, her clothes slip away like on
one of those risky pens you used to be able to get at the back of Esquire
magazine? We're pretty sure the body is dubbed in, since it looks a lot
like the same one of Marina Citrus on Joe and Michael Bay's page, and does
that mean he's gay, or what? But still, woowoo.
--
E Teflon Piano is now AppleEvent aware, and is running under Mac OS 8.
ŠE[dibs] 1994-1997
M. Otis Beard
Joseph Michael Bay wrote:
>
> "M. Otis Beard" <moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards> writes:
>
> >> Lisa Rea's Love Bunny
>
> >have to get rid of the body, and I just don't feel like cleaning out the
> >wrinkle up your nose when you smell glove.
>
> Mr/Ms Beard:
>
> Please be advised that your system administrator and the local branch
> of the FBI have been notified as to your using the global communication
> system to post threats of violence.
I've already done away with my system administrator AND the FBI
(that's why the woodchipper was so dirty last week). That was ME you
were talking to on the telephone, and I took the opportunity to trace
the call.
I'm a little too busy to come over to your house right now, but seeing
as how your death at my hands is pretty much a foregone conclusion, do
you think you could possibly see your way clear to saving me the time
and effort by tying yourself up, shooting yourself through the head, and
hiding the gun? adTHANKSvance.
> Furthermore, surviving members (i.e. everyone but the drummer) of the
> .. ..
> band Spinal Tap (tm) have begun legal action for your ill-advised
> appropriation of the phrase "Smell the Glove"(tm).
My attorney, Mr. E. Teflon Piano, has advised me not to comment on
this at the present time. Suffice it to say that I remain serene and
confident in the face of adversity. Besides, Hamilton Fish is my
cousin.
M. Otis Beard
E Teflon Piano wrote:
>
> Has anybody told Otis that if you turn your monitor upside down while
> viewing the jeff of Lisa Pez on Tom's page, her clothes slip away like on
> one of those risky pens you used to be able to get at the back of Esquire
> magazine?
*blink*
*blinkblink*
Um. No. URL, please?
> We're pretty sure the body is dubbed in, since it looks a lot
> like the same one of Marina Citrus on Joe and Michael Bay's page, and does
> that mean he's gay, or what? But still, woowoo.
I'm not gay, and neither is my hunky, oily boyfriend with the rippling
pecs and the hardhat.
Which reminds me of a story.
Years ago, I knew a very overly macho-acting guy who lived in a house
with a bunch of other guys. He was in his room one day, and his
roommates were all sitting in the living room chatting about whatnot,
and the (amused, somewhat disgusting) conversation had NOTHING
WHATSOEVER to do with him. Suddenly, in a furious outburst, the very
overly macho-acting guy ripped open the door to his room, stomped into
the living room and shouted "OKAY! MAYBE I *DO* FINGER MY BUTTHOLE WHEN
I JERK OFF. THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M *GAY*!!!!!"
The room was plunged into a stunned silence as he retreated into his
room (slamming the door behind him) broken only by the sound of
something large and heavy being thrown through his (closed) bedroom
window.
By unanimous agreement of his roomies, he was asked to leave. My
roomie and I felt sorry for him, so we let him move into our place.
This wasn't as stoopid a move as it sounds -- he *loved* to cook and
clean, and he usually had drugs. He stayed with us for a couple of
months without incident until one day I noticed something odd. It seems
that the door to the medicine cabinet in our bathroom had a mirror on
it, like most of them do. This door (and the cabinet itself) was made
of wood, and this wood had rotted through at the hinges. We needed the
mirror for shaving and etc. so we propped it up on the tank of the
toilet. One day, on coming home from work, I noticed that someone had
taken the mirror off the toilet and slid it under the claw-footed
bathtub. Puzzled, I replaced it and asked my roomie about it when he
arrived. "It was there the other day, too," he told me. "I thought YOU
put it there."
The next day my roomie and I carpooled, so we got home together. The
mirror was once again under the bathtub, but this time it had a message
written on it in red magic marker. The message read 'THIS IS PENIS
FETISH' in huge crimson letters. Apparently, our little charity case
thought that we had placed the mirror on top of the toilet so that we
could check out our own genitalia while urinating, and he disapproved.
I don't know what the point of this story is.
Joseph Michael Bay
"M. Otis Beard" <moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards> writes:
>and effort by tying yourself up, shooting yourself through the head, and
>hiding the gun? adTHANKSvance.
Sorry, I'm busy this week. Crucifying myself.
Every day.
>> Furthermore, surviving members (i.e. everyone but the drummer) of the
>> .. ..
>> band Spinal Tap (tm) have begun legal action for your ill-advised
>> appropriation of the phrase "Smell the Glove"(tm).
> My attorney, Mr. E. Teflon Piano, has advised me not to comment on
>this at the present time. Suffice it to say that I remain serene and
>confident in the face of adversity. Besides, Hamilton Fish is my
>cousin.
You are so damn serene. I wonder how serene you'll be when you're COVERED
WITH SCORPIONS . . . COVERED WITH SCORPIONS . . . YOU ARE COVERED WITH
SCORPIONS . . . SCORPIONS . . . ORPIONS . . . PIONS . . . PIONS . . .
NEUTRINOS . . . damn.
Also, there is no "." in E[dibs] Teflon Piano.
Hope This Helps.
Sincerely,
J. Micheal VanDyke
M. Otis Beard
Joseph Michael Bay wrote:
>
> "M. Otis Beard" <moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards> writes:
>
> >and effort by tying yourself up, shooting yourself through the head, and
> >hiding the gun? adTHANKSvance.
>
> Sorry, I'm busy this week. Crucifying myself.
>
> Every day.
"Would you mind crossing your feet for me, sir? I only have one nail
left. THANKS."
Ow, quit it. Ow, quit it. Ow, quit it. Ow, quit it. Ow, quit it.
> > My attorney, Mr. E. Teflon Piano, has advised me not to comment on
> >this at the present time. Suffice it to say that I remain serene and
> >confident in the face of adversity. Besides, Hamilton Fish is my
> >cousin.
>
> You are so damn serene. I wonder how serene you'll be when you're COVERED
> WITH SCORPIONS . . . COVERED WITH SCORPIONS . . . YOU ARE COVERED WITH
> SCORPIONS . . . SCORPIONS . . . ORPIONS . . . PIONS . . . PIONS . . .
> NEUTRINOS . . . damn.
I am completely encased in a crunchy glass coating that makes me
impervious to neutrinos. No, wait, that's NEUTRONS. Neutrinos go right
through me without doing any damage at all. . . but I always have my
choice of three different kinds of pions for dessert, and I almost
always pick scorpion pion 'cause that's my fave rave.
> Also, there is no "." in E[dibs] Teflon Piano.
Yes there is. There's one "." in E[dibs] Teflon Piano. It's right
there at the end. YOU LIED TO ME. There are TWO of them in E. Teflon
Piano.[1]
Perhaps you have confused *my* attorney, Mr. E. Teflon Piano, with the
well-known *kibologist* attorney, Mr. E Teflon Piano. Understandable,
since they both live in Baltimore. To the best of my knowledge, they
have never met, although they do share an office, an apartment, an
internet account, a set of Tony Riccola golf clubs, a girlfriend and a
spleen.
[1] My sister, Mystery Teflon Piano, also has a period from time to
time, and when she does, EVERYBODY knows it. Our Dutch uncle, Meister
Zee TAFKAP Piet Heino, invented Martin Gardner. Curiously enough, I
invented the harpsichord some years ago, but it turns out that I was
several hundred years late (<STONED> "Hey, what if you built a piano
that PLUCKED the strings instead of hammering on them? That would be,
like, cool and stuff." </STONED>)
[Mr. Uncle Daddy Dr. Matt McIrvin couldn't explain all the jokes in
this post if the life of his penis hung in the balance.]
Maelstrom
In article <3415348F...@world.std.com>,
"Gardner S. Trask III" <tr...@world.std.com> wrote:
>
> > http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/5225/leespice.gif
>
> I went and looked at the picture noted above. And the caption indicates it is
> really what he wants, but I was wondering; Why does Lee want to have legs
> like a spice girl? Or is it that he really, really wants to dress in nylons
> in public?
No no, you bozo, he wants the whole deal. Lee wants to BE a spice girl. A
spice Girl that is on WiRed and has an honourary lifetime membership on the
Well. And when Hip Spice, as she is known to her adoring fans, posts to Usenet
all the AOLers go "Duh! We are too stoopid to be on with someone as kewl as
you" and they all kill themselves and the entire cheerleaders squad from high
school come up and go
LEE, LEE. WE LOVE YOU!
AND WE WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!
And then Lee looks down and says "No I am REJECTING you like YOU rejected me
Bwahahaha" but they beg SOOO pitifully that she takes pity on them and has a
giant lesbian orgy.
And the next morning Usenet and the Web merge into each other and the new, KEWL
medium is known as BuMnet in honour of its most loved demigod.
--Maelstrom(I had a fantasy like this except *mine* has Barney the dinosaur and
Bob Hope making cameo appearances)
Roger Douglas
On Tue, 09 Sep 1997 09:57:37 GMT, ho...@zip.com.au (Hong Ooi) wrote:
>On Mon, 08 Sep 1997 20:54:19 -0700, christopher <redd...@ne.infi.net>
>wrote:
>
>>
>>Michael Straight wrote:
>>>
>>> Yeah, I used to love Bach's music until I saw that _Immortal Beloved_
[etc]
>>Wasn't Imortal Beloved about Beethoven?
>
>Sheesh, not another movie about a dog.
>
A movie about a dog who exchanged bodies with a great composer would
probably be an instant success. The title could be a clever pun on
the name "Bach".
Another good idea would be a movie about a small car that writes
symphonies. OK, string quartets -- we don't want it to be too far
fetched.
If it was a magic car that could fly, so much the better.
--R.
L. Shelton Bumgarner
>No no, you bozo, he wants the whole deal. Lee wants to BE a spice girl. A
>spice Girl that is on WiRed and has an honourary lifetime membership on the
>Well. And when Hip Spice, as she is known to her adoring fans, posts to Usenet
>all the AOLers go "Duh! We are too stoopid to be on with someone as kewl as
>you" and they all kill themselves and the entire cheerleaders squad from high
>school come up and go
>LEE, LEE. WE LOVE YOU!
>AND WE WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!
>And then Lee looks down and says "No I am REJECTING you like YOU rejected me
>Bwahahaha" but they beg SOOO pitifully that she takes pity on them and has a
>giant lesbian orgy.
>
>And the next morning Usenet and the Web merge into each other and the new, KEWL
>medium is known as BuMnet in honour of its most loved demigod.
Hey! Stay outta my mind.
lee
who wonders how he cracked my PGP protection.
--
L. Shelton Bumgarner -- Keeper of the Great Renaming FAQ
[Please remove "REMOVETHIS" from my email to respond to my posts]
Nattering Nabob of Negativism * http://www.nottowayez.net/~leebum
news:alt.society.generation-x.ls-bumgarner
'Joe,' bugle
In article <Pine.A41.3.95L.97090...@login0.isis.unc.edu>, Michael Straight <stra...@email.unc.edu> wrote:
>
>
>On 6 Sep 1997, Stinky Horseblanket wrote:
>
>> I saw the interview with him in the post-show. He struck me as a deeply
>> unctuous individual. John Williams struck me the same way when I saw him
>> on Charlie Rose[1]. I think you can tell alot about the quality of a
>> person's musianship by observing them as a person.
>
Joseph Michael Bay
I just wanted to take this opportunity to say:
F () () T B () () T S
(Hint: pronounce like "froot loops")
This has been an expearmint.
--
Joe Bay B1FF
Brought to you by a grant from the Annenberg CPB project, R()0LZ!
the Helena Rubenstein Foundation !!!!!!!!!1
and stooges like you. AMIGA 4EVER!
Lisa Rea
So then, "M. Otis Beard" <moc.se...@dnahgnivom.backwards> is all
like:
>E Teflon Piano wrote:
>>
>> Has anybody told Otis that if you turn your monitor upside down while
>> viewing the jeff of Lisa Pez on Tom's page, her clothes slip away like on
>> one of those risky pens you used to be able to get at the back of Esquire
>> magazine?
> *blink*
> *blinkblink*
> Um. No. URL, please?
That's not me. That's the actress who portrayed me in the movie of my
life. I'm the terror that grips you from inside your bottled sundries
and your sotted undies.
I lost my skin. Maybe you'll get lucky and find it somewhere. Go
ahead. Keep it. Shit. Wear it to court. It'll make you invisible. I
don't need it. I couldn't feel anything with it anymore, anyway.
(Are those CLEAR eyelids you're blinking with? Even a little puffball
like you knows better than to stop watching for that long, right?)
> I'm not gay, and neither is my hunky, oily boyfriend with the rippling
>pecs and the hardhat.
That's not oil, and that's not a hardhat.
> [W]e had placed the mirror on top of the toilet so that we
>could check out our own genitalia while urinating, and he disapproved.
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
Touch the mirror, Boy. See? You're so close, but see that little
sliver of space? You can't touch it, can you?
It's right there. Touch it HARDER! SQUASH IT! PROVE ME WRONG! I DOUBLE
DOG DARE YOU!!!
Squeal like a pig. Beg like a starving puppy. Rut like a wolverine.
Pop like a balloon.
> I don't know what the point of this story is.
Well, shut up and pay attention, then, Bitch.
Line Item Veto,
The President of Beard.
PS: Is that a cow heart in your lap, or are you just happy to see me?
Nick S Bensema
In article <5v7idc$f...@saga19.Stanford.EDU>,
Joseph Michael Bay <jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU> wrote:
>
>GG: "That's right! We've got Bach's hair on a G-string!"
Rimshot.
>FINIS
THIS IS FINIS FETISH!
Joseph Michael Bay
Roger....@removethis.tafensw.edu.au (Roger Douglas) writes:
>A movie about a dog who exchanged bodies with a great composer would
>probably be an instant success. The title could be a clever pun on
>the name "Bach".
Show the dog writing music. The dog's owner, GALILIO GALILOPOLIS, is
scolding his son KIBO for not walking the dog.
GG: "Kibo, I told you to walk Johann Sebastian Bach! Now look what
he's doing all over the place!"
Kibo: "Aw, gee whiz, dad!"
GG: "And another thing -- he's been shedding all month, and today
he somehow got into your mother's underwear drawer."
Kibo: "Don't tell me --"
GG: "That's right! We've got Bach's hair on a G-string!"
(Movie is shouted down by angry theatergoers, who riot in the streets,
pelting PROFESSOR PETER SHICKELE with canned tomatoes)
Professor Peter Shickele: OUCH!
Show the dog again, in the movie, which is the real movie rather than
the postmodern movie within the movie, pulling KIBO who rides behind
on a skating-board.
Kibo: "Beable! Doidy! Phlezmogon!"
Several NEANDERTHALS beat up KIBO, stealing his skateboard. They
attempt to use it and are hit by the T.
T Operator: "Oh, the humanity!"
FINIS
>Another good idea would be a movie about a small car that writes
>symphonies. OK, string quartets -- we don't want it to be too far
>fetched.
How about sonatas?
>If it was a magic car that could fly, so much the better.
This goes without saying.
'Joe,' bugle
In article <5v278a$c...@saga12.Stanford.EDU>, jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Joseph Michael Bay) wrote:
>Michael Straight <stra...@email.unc.edu> writes:
>
>>Yeah, I used to love Bach's music until I saw that _Immortal Beloved_
>>movie and found out what a total bozo he was. Now I realize his music
>>sucks and I put my Brandenburg Variations and Goldberg Concerto CDs in the
>>microwave and at least got some pretty sparks out of them.
>
>THE GREATEST COLLECTION OF TERPSICHORD MUSIC EVER!!!!!! People like you
>should be forced to listen to "My Favorite Things" all the time*. You
>think _Immortal Beloved_ makes Bach seem like a Bozo? What about his
>arch-rival Galileo who made him think he had been commisioned to write
>his own Requiem? How awful is that? Hm?
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Samuel Morse Wizzlestump,
>The Pirogi and Latke Organization (PLO)
>
>---
>*The Julie Andrews version. HA!
>
M. Otis Beard
Lisa Rea wrote:
>
> That's not me. That's the actress who portrayed me in the movie of my
> life. I'm the terror that grips you from inside your bottled sundries
> and your sotted undies.
Grip me some more. I'm the torpor that greps you from upside your
mottled Sundays and your slotted Andes.
> I lost my skin. Maybe you'll get lucky and find it somewhere. Go
> ahead. Keep it. Shit. Wear it to court. It'll make you invisible. I
> don't need it. I couldn't feel anything with it anymore, anyway.
I'm wearing it now, and I'm standing right in front of you.
> (Are those CLEAR eyelids you're blinking with? Even a little puffball
> like you knows better than to stop watching for that long, right?)
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/4236/blink.html
> > I'm not gay, and neither is my hunky, oily boyfriend with the rippling
> >pecs and the hardhat.
>
> That's not oil, and that's not a hardhat.
And you're not my boyfriend until the screaming is over. Help me,
dress me up and I'll be whatever you like, but forget me and I'll be
unhappily paired with the unforgettable Ice Princess forever.
> > [W]e had placed the mirror on top of the toilet so that we
> >could check out our own genitalia while urinating, and he disapproved.
>
> Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
>
> Touch the mirror, Boy. See? You're so close, but see that little
> sliver of space? You can't touch it, can you?
I touched it when I was five. When I'm five again I'll touch it and
you'll think I'm the money you lost when you were in Steamboat Springs.
> It's right there. Touch it HARDER! SQUASH IT! PROVE ME WRONG! I DOUBLE
> DOG DARE YOU!!!
You think it's fun to taunt me and praise all my flaws in your
sarcastic Secret Agent voice. I never said I was complete. My heart is
almost ripping through my chest so it can leave me here to die while it
goes off to find a war or a hoop to jump through, and you want me to
stutter for your amusement. I'll just have to stop drinking other
people's sins and prove you wrong by becoming your semi-catatonic slave
in ripped upholstery.
> Squeal like a pig. Beg like a starving puppy. Rut like a wolverine.
*REET!* *REET!* *REET!* *Whhhmm!* *Whhhmmm!* *Ngh!* *Ngh!* *Ngh!*
> Pop like a balloon.
*POP!*
> > I don't know what the point of this story is.
>
> Well, shut up and pay attention, then, Bitch.
>
> Line Item Veto,
> The President of Beard.
Yes, Mr. President.
> PS: Is that a cow heart in your lap, or are you just happy to see me?
Isn't it a beauty? It's just like a big, fine beefheart.
Andrew Jeanes
In article <5v4g2m$q...@epic6.Stanford.EDU>,
>
>>and effort by tying yourself up, shooting yourself through the head, and
>>hiding the gun? adTHANKSvance.
>
>Sorry, I'm busy this week. Crucifying myself.
It's no good man. No matter what you do, there's just no way you can
get that fourth nail in.
>You are so damn serene. I wonder how serene you'll be when you're COVERED
>WITH SCORPIONS . . . COVERED WITH SCORPIONS . . . YOU ARE COVERED WITH
>SCORPIONS . . . SCORPIONS . . . ORPIONS . . . PIONS . . . PIONS . . .
>NEUTRINOS . . . damn.
This reminded me of that scene in "The Arrival" where they put all
those scorpions in the bedroom of that environmental-scientist played
by Lindsay Crouse. Then I saw a fast-moving shadow by my bed. I am
now curled up in a ball, at five a.m Friday morning (Thursday night),
pretty damn far from sleep and clinging to my computer for safety.
Thank you for drawing out my phobias, Joseph Michael Bay.
Andrew "say, are you related to that one guy who directed that movie
with Sean Connery and the explosions?" Jeanes
Jaffo
I just had a thought. If the media ever needs to interview an expert on
Kibology, they'll probably pick Lee.
I can see the first question now. "Mr. Bumgarner, what is this 'Kibology'
you're always talking about?"
"Well, it's kind of like a special community on Usenet."
"So, it's like The Well?"
"No no, it's NOTHING like The Well. Kibologists are bitter, mean-spirited,
immature individuals who cluster together to mock other people and compensate
for their own insecurities."
"I see. So, this is very different from The Well, where people discuss social
issues, exchange points of view, and develop emotional connections and
personal relationships?"
"Yes. Also, The Well sucks and Kibology doesn't."
"We'll have to edit that part out. Does Kibology offer message boards, like
The Well?"
"No no, Kibology isn't a service, it IS a message board."
"Oh, you mean like a Well conference?"
"No. You use a Usenet Newsreader. And the content isn't moderated, anyone
can post anything they want."
"So, it's like some kind of 'unregulated' Well conference? Are you accusing
The Well of censorship, Mr. Bumgarner?"
"No, it's not like that. Look, Kibology is a NEWSGROUP. The group is called
alt.religion.kibology. It's a discussion group on USENET."
"I see. So it's like a Kibology conference on the Usenet service? Who runs
it? Where is it based? I've never seen it in San Francisco."
"No, it's not located anywhere. It's like, distributed. The messages are
passed around to different computers."
"So people download the messages, like reading a Well conference? Does Usenet
support Netscape and Internet Explorer?"
"No, well, yes, I mean...kind of, but it's not just on ONE server in ONE
place. The messages are passed around to lots of little servers all over the
world. You can read Usenet with a browser, but you can also use special
software for it."
"Okay, so each Conference is hosted by someone, like on The Well? Where is
the Kibology conference hosted? Who runs it?"
"Nobody runs it. It just kind of exists."
"So it's an anarchy? Who pays for the server?"
"Everybody. I mean, nobody. I mean, since there are so many little servers,
it doesn't cost anything...well, I mean, it does cost something, but..."
"Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. Just tell me, who runs the Usenet
service? Do you have a phone number? Do they have an office in San
Francisco?"
"You're not paying attention! Nobody runs Usenet! Nobody OWNS Usenet!"
"What about this 'Kibo' person? If he doesn't own Usenet, why does everyone
write about him all the time? Does he host the Kibology Conference?"
"OH FUCK THIS! YES! YES! Kibo is the owner of Usenet, Inc. He controls 51%
of the stock in the company, and the Kibology Conference is where he issues
pronouncements telling all of us what we should be talking about."
"Ah ha! Now we're getting somewhere! See, Mr. Bumgarner, these interviews
are much easier when you stop evading my questions. So this, James Parry, he
owns a controlling interest in Usenet, and he uses this conference to promote
or discredit certain points of view?"
"Whatever you think."
"I notice that you make a reference to 'Kibology.' Is this a religion? Is
Kibo some kind of 'Cult Leader'?"
"Sure. Why not."
"It's all starting to make sense now. Thank you for your time."
"Oh, and I almost forgot, Kibology is funny. Sometimes. Every now and then.
When they're not making fun of me. Also, everything you said for the last
five minutes is complete bullshit."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Bumgarner, our time is up. My plane leaves in 20 minutes. I
have to be back in San Francisco by noon. Microsoft has released IE 4.01 to
correct a java flaw, and we're running a three-page color spread."
The resulting lead paragraph?
A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online
community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The Well,
Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred, anger,
cyber-elitism, and GenX angst.
Kibology is the creation of James "Kibo" Parry, a brutal dictator who
rules his "Usenet" service with a fist of iron. Ordinary people on the
service are terrified of him. They live in constant fear of a "Kibo"
followup. Kibo sends out messages from his "Kibology" conference, a creation
of the man's enormous ego. A place for supplicants to gather and "worship"
him.
And the concluding paragraph:
Kibology is an inevitable byproduct of the Information Superhighway.
The Internet offers many benefits to ordinary people, but there is a downside
to this new technology. I don't know about the rest of you, but this reporter
is sticking to The Well.
I think it would be a lot more fun if they tried to interview Lisa Higgins
about Kibology.
"Scuse me, Miss Higgins? We'd like to talk to you about Kibology."
"EAT A BOWL OF FUK, YOU STINKING PRICK! PRAY I DON'T FUKKEN KILL YOU ALL!"
"Uh, right. Sorry to bother you. Thanks for your time."
"I am a tangerine flower, melting in the heat of your ignorance, I giggle like
a blind virgin, dreaming of your death."
"Please Miss Higgins, put down the knife!"
"Be my friend or I'll eat your liver and wear your eyes on a chain around my
neck."
I think we can all say which of these encounters would give the reporter an
accurate picture of Kibology. BOTH OF THEM!
THE END
Jaffo
P.S. Doing impressions of Lisa Higgins is one of the greatest joys in my
life.
--
We should demand the abolition of criminal penalties for income-tax evasion,
in the name of the principle that an individual cannot steal or fraudulently
keep what is his own property to begin with. -- George Reisman
http://rampages.onramp.net/~jaffo/
L. Shelton Bumgarner
On Tue, 14 Oct 1997 13:11:09 GMT, ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) wrote:
>I just had a thought. If the media ever needs to interview an expert on
>Kibology, they'll probably pick Lee.
>
>I can see the first question now. "Mr. Bumgarner, what is this 'Kibology'
>you're always talking about?"
>
>"Well, it's kind of like a special community on Usenet."
I've decided this is my most favoritest post of all time.
Gratuitous mentions of my name ROCK!
lee
--
L. Shelton Bumgarner -- Keeper of the Great Renaming FAQ
Roger Douglas
ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) quoth:
....
>The resulting lead paragraph?
>
> A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online
>community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The Well,
>Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred, anger,
>cyber-elitism, and GenX angst.
>
Simply demonstrating that journalists sometimes accidentally arrive at the
truth even the route they take is completely wrong.
> Kibology is the creation of James "Kibo" Parry, a brutal dictator who
>rules his "Usenet" service with a fist of iron. Ordinary people on the
>service are terrified of him. They live in constant fear of a "Kibo"
>followup. Kibo sends out messages from his "Kibology" conference, a creation
>of the man's enormous ego. A place for supplicants to gather and "worship"
>him.
>
See what I mean? Completely accurate. This is the sort of information that
should be mandatory in every one of those "Brane-dead No-hopers' Guide to
the Interent"-type books, so that unsuspecting Ordinary People don't stumble
into Kibology by accident and have their lives destroyed before they realize
what is happening to them.
Completely accurate, that is, except for the bit about the fist of iron. It
should have read "fist of irony", of course. Memo to Jaffo: pay more
attention to you proofreading.
--R.
b...@makepeace.demon.co.uk
On Thu, 16 Oct 1997 11:14:33 GMT, rdou...@magna.com.au (Roger
Douglas) wrote:
>ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) quoth:
>
>....
>>The resulting lead paragraph?
>>
>> A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online
>>community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The Well,
>>Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred, anger,
>>cyber-elitism, and GenX angst.
>>
>Simply demonstrating that journalists sometimes accidentally arrive at the
>truth even the route they take is completely wrong.
>
>> Kibology is the creation of James "Kibo" Parry, a brutal dictator who
>>rules his "Usenet" service with a fist of iron. Ordinary people on the
>>service are terrified of him. They live in constant fear of a "Kibo"
>>followup. Kibo sends out messages from his "Kibology" conference, a creation
>>of the man's enormous ego. A place for supplicants to gather and "worship"
>>him.
>>
>See what I mean? Completely accurate. This is the sort of information that
>should be mandatory in every one of those "Brane-dead No-hopers' Guide to
>the Interent"-type books, so that unsuspecting Ordinary People don't stumble
>into Kibology by accident and have their lives destroyed before they realize
>what is happening to them.
>Completely accurate, that is, except for the bit about the fist of iron. It
>should have read "fist of irony", of course. Memo to Jaffo: pay more
>attention to you proofreading.
>
>--R.
>>
>You witty young things you.
Room 101
> >ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) quoth:
> >
> >....
> >>
> >> A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online
> >>community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The Well,
> >>Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred, anger,
> >>cyber-elitism, and GenX angst.
what a bunch of horseshit. The WELL is the MECCA of fractured, spiteful,
cynical, hateful, angry, elitist GenX angsters and Boomer wanksters. The
self-righteous snobs at The WELL make the goof-offs in kibology look like
a crazy bunch of kids from Up With People.
wenchpoet
Matt McIrvin
Room 101 <roo...@teleport.com> wrote:
> what a bunch of horseshit. The WELL is the MECCA of fractured, spiteful,
> cynical, hateful, angry, elitist GenX angsters and Boomer wanksters. The
> self-righteous snobs at The WELL make the goof-offs in kibology look like
> a crazy bunch of kids from Up With People.
>
> wenchpoet
We already DO look like that! As proof, I offer the following ACTUAL
REPOST, NOT A NOT A REPOST because it wasn't funny enough for my web
site, or SO I THOUGHT!
=======================8< clip 'n' save 8<=========================
Subject: Re: GUIs vary (Was: Re: Usenet: The Sound of Departing
Hoofbeats)
From: mmci...@world.std.com (Matt McIrvin)
Date: 1996/12/17
Message-Id: <mmcirvin-ya023380...@news.std.com>
Sender: ne...@world.std.com (Mr Usenet Himself)
References: <587prv$3...@web.azstarnet.com>
<58p74n$4...@taco.cc.ncsu.edu> <58vlai$p...@huitzilo.tezcat.com>
<mmcirvin-Ya023380...@news.std.com>
<594bpd$h...@huitzilo.tezcat.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Organization: Software Tool & Die, Brookline MA
Mime-Version: 1.0
Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology
In article <594bpd$h...@huitzilo.tezcat.com>, wedn...@tezcat.com
(wednesday) wrote:
> In article <mmcirvin-ya023380...@news.std.com>,
> Matt McIrvin <mmci...@world.std.com> wrote:
[...]
> >Here, I vehemently disagree. Kai GUIs are, as far as I can tell, designed
> >to look as weird as possible with total disregard for usability. They give
> >GUIs a bad name.
>
> Hm. I find them totally intuitive and innately usable. You look at the thing,
> you turn off left-brain and you work. Simple and pure.
You should just ignore that whole post of mine. Kibo gave me one of his
rare but unambiguous cease-and-desist orders after reading it, the kind
that causes Joel Furr to start working on a twenty-year grudge. He told
me that much of the information in it was incorrect and that it
constituted a "my computer is better than your computer" post, which was
officially not allowed on Usenet or in polite company. Then he started
riffing on "The Bugaloos."
In fact you should disregard everything I posted from 1992 until Monday,
because that was the Old Me. I've gotten a fresh new hip attitude and
become a New Me!
[Removes his dowdy duds to reveal a shiny Members Only jacket with the
sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Generically peppy, high-pitched
keyboard music. Ten thousand young dancers fill the arena, waving
colorful banners to promote international understanding.]
I'm a New Me
Good as can be
Totally free
And happy to be!
[Mr. T and David Hasselhoff drive onto the Astroturf in the "Knight
Rider" car, and wave to the crowd.]
I can be free
Being New Me
To be so free
That I'm happily free!
[A spotlight picks out Nancy Reagan and the case of "Diff'rent Strokes,"
waving from a cylindrical platform near the 50-yard line.]
How can I be
So happily free?
Because, you see,
I've become a New Me!
[A peppy keyboard fanfare ends the dance number. The dancers freeze in
place. Polite applause and cheering.]
--
Matt McIrvin <http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/>
=======================8< clip 'n' save 8<=========================
--
Font-o-Meter! Proportional Monospaced
^
Physics, humor, Stanislaw Lem reviews: http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Joseph Michael Bay
Room 101 <roo...@teleport.com> writes:
>> >ja...@onramp.net (Jaffo) quoth:
(|) A special report today on a phenomenon called "Kibology" an "online
(|) community" existing on a service called Usenet. However, unlike The
(|) Well, Kibology is a fractured, spiteful, cynical place full of hatred,
(|) anger, cyber-elitism, and GenX angst.
>what a bunch of horseshit. The WELL is the MECCA of fractured, spiteful,
>cynical, hateful, angry, elitist GenX angsters and Boomer wanksters. The
>self-righteous snobs at The WELL make the goof-offs in kibology look like
>a crazy bunch of kids from Up With People.
I never thought I would say this, but:
YHBT. B*J*,NL. YHL. BT. HAND.
Wow.
--
Chimes peal joy. Bah. Joseph Michael Bay
Icy colon barge. Cancer Biology
sT4npH()rD uN1V3r5iTy M3d1KeWL S/<3WL!!!!!1
When encryption is outlawed, fO$t ^@3sVe) %4iG Vx@| /jNGe5x6@^.
Thomas R Scudder
Joseph Michael Bay (jm...@leland.Stanford.EDU) aseioniezi:
: YHBT. B*J*,NL. YHL. BT. HAND.
^^
Translation, please. (I got the rest, even the B*J* part).
--
Tom Scudder aka tom...@umich.edu <*> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~tomscud
ZEN SPAM FILTER NOTICE: Remove "" from the above address before responding.
Modest Crud / Odd Rum Sect / Red Mud Scot / Odd Rectums / Doc "Red" Smut