On Sat, 14 Apr 2012 09:17:26 -0700, lsrlts added nothing as usual.
Recent action in Syria leads to increased security.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgium does not have a government, so is incapable of having any
warning level. All on holiday as usual; the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
modern Spanish fleet can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of
their allies, just in case.
Meanwhile in the southern hemisphere...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!" Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand only has one
more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come
end riscue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be
asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position, called
Bondi.
It might be worth noting that New Zealand would be unable to raise an
army as its soldiers are all currently deployed playing orcs in the
upcoming Hobbit movie.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The barbie is cancelled." It should be noted that there has not been
a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation
level.