News: Yes Lyrics To Be Added to New Testament
Swank23
VATICAN CITY--In the first-ever union of the Word of God and the
Synthesizer, the Catholic Church's College of Cardinals voted unanimously
Monday to incorporate the lyrics of Yes into the New Testament.
The resulting new Bible, the Revised Standard YesScriptures, will replace
the Jerusalem Bible of 1966 as the standard accepted record and vehicle of
divine revelation.
"Let us rejoice in this momentous occasion," said Pope John Paul II in a
special service at St. Peter's. "And let no man be unmoved, remembering the
words of Jesus: 'In and around the lake, mountains come out of the sky, and
they stand there.' Amen."
In addition to a number of new sections, including the four-part Book of
Bruford (a. Cord of Life; b. Eclipse; c. The Preacher; d. The Apocalypse), the
revised YesScriptures will feature a dazzling, airbrushed gatefold by artist
Roger Dean.
Perhaps the most significant change is a more complete history of the
life of Christ. In the revised account of Christ's temptation by Satan, the
Lord and Savior is brought to a mountaintop overlooking a pastel landscape
filled with exotic, half-melted rock formations and wispy, cloudlike trees.
Christ, though tempted, "can see all good people turn their heads each day,
and, so satisfied, He continues on His way."
Christ's rejection of the Lord Of Lies is then followed by a 16-minute
keyboard solo by synthesizer maestro Rick Wakeman.
"God's word is not always clear, and neither is the path Jesus wants us
to take in life," New York's Cardinal O'Connor said of the new scriptures. "But
when Jesus tells His disciples at the Last Supper to eat of His body and drink
of His blood, for 'He can feel no sense of measure, no illusions as He taketh
refuge in young man's pleasure,' I as a Christian take comfort in these words."
Despite being called for by pro-Yes movements within the Church for
decades, the decision marks the first official Catholic acknowledgement of
Yes-inclusive language and Yes-positive Biblical interpretations as actually
being the Divine Word.
"The Holy See's decision is a victory for progressives everywhere," said
Jethro Tull frontman and longtime Christian Ian Anderson. "The updated Bible
passages reflect the tremendously significant role that the concept album plays
in our modern lives."
The Catholic Church is not the first religious sect to embrace
progressive-rock reform. Since 1974, Reform Jews have, as part of Rosh Hashanah
services, sung verses from The Book Of Genesis Featuring Peter Gabriel. For
years, Unitarian educators have taught the works of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer,
including Brain Salad Surgery.
Though the majority of Bible scholars are welcoming the new
YesScriptures, a small minority stands strongly opposed.
"The messages in the YesScriptures are rarely clear and almost always of
questionable morality," said Michael Fox, chair of Yale University's Divinity
School. "While Christ's message may seem obvious when, in Howe 3:16, He sayeth
unto James the Lesser: 'Owner of a lonely heart, yea, much better than thee, O
owner of a broken heart,' it is possible that this passage contains intended
irony on the part of the Savior, and that the verse actually signifies a
message of profound sympathy for the broken-hearted heart-owners of Mankind."
"The Word of God is the rock upon which we have built the Catholic
Church," Fox concluded. "It is not Fragile."