What is the best thing to say to someone who says they can't overcome a problem?

[them...@gmail.com]

How do I be a supportive friend? One minute my friend is complaining
about the negative aspects of her problem, but the next she is saying
that she can't change. Last time I tried to be supportive, she got
frustrated with me and said I was not her therapist and should just
keep my mouth shut.

Personally I believe in free will. I never try to tell anyone what to
do, even if it is wrong. The last time we were in a situation where
she had to confront her problem, I told her that I believe in her. (I
honestly do believe in her and have faith that she is capable of of
overcoming her problem)
She confirmed my faith in her by making the right choice, but it was
hard for her and afterwards she called me rude and she accused me of
always telling her what to do.

I'm not listing what the problem is because I believe playing the role
of a supportive friend is the same whatever the problem is.
Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Gambling, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or any
other Self Destructive Behavior.

[gregg]

You might just say that people overcome seemingly insurmountable problems
every day. There is no doubt that she CAN change. If you can point out
some positive changes that she has made at some other time in her life
then that might be helpful. Change is not more than a matter of becoming
habitual about doing things differently.

[darren]

<them...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:bf9e697d-9ce9-4f08...@f19g2000yqh.googlegroups.com...

> How do I be a supportive friend? One minute my friend is complaining
> about the negative aspects of her problem, but the next she is saying
> that she can't change. Last time I tried to be supportive, she got
> frustrated with me and said I was not her therapist and should just
> keep my mouth shut.

As her where she sees herself in 10 years time. She'll be defensive now
because you confronted her directly. Not always a good idea sadly. You need
to find away to make her really think about the long term.

>
> Personally I believe in free will. I never try to tell anyone what to
> do, even if it is wrong. The last time we were in a situation where
> she had to confront her problem, I told her that I believe in her. (I
> honestly do believe in her and have faith that she is capable of of
> overcoming her problem)
> She confirmed my faith in her by making the right choice, but it was
> hard for her and afterwards she called me rude and she accused me of
> always telling her what to do.
>
> I'm not listing what the problem is because I believe playing the role
> of a supportive friend is the same whatever the problem is.
> Alcoholism, Drug Abuse, Gambling, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or any
> other Self Destructive Behavior.

Fair enough. You are quite right. It doesn't matter what the label is, only
thhat she is killing herself and hurting her loved ones.
>
>