Are you out of control?
tedw
and resentful, who is in
control of your emotions: you or them?
Mark Warner
Ask your mother.
--
Mark Warner
MEPIS Linux
Registered Linux User #415318
...lose .inhibitions when replying
JoeRaisin
I am of the opinion that nobody can "make" you angry.
I have said before that I agree with the adage that life is 10% what
happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
The trick is figuring out what is 'behind' the anger and handling that
underlying emotion in a way that is loses it power over you.
Sometimes that's easier said than done. But it's doable more often than
not.
The second trick is learning to recognize when you are feeling angry and
that what is right in front of you likely has nothing to do with it.
Not letting the emotions dictate your actions is vital.
Tex
wrote:
>If the words and actions of others have the power to make you angry
>and resentful, who is in
>control of your emotions: you or them?
When anger and resentment have hold of you the Devil is in control!
Heathens 1:13:33 Book of Fuck'em
tedw
Its just not true Joe that you cannot "make" people angry. I don't
recommend you try it, but if
you walked up to 10 people on the street and called them a "jerk" (or
something much worse) many, if not
most, would react with anger. You can deny that if you want but it is
true. If you walked up and stomped on their toe,
I would venture to guess that all of them would get angry.
How many people get angry when they are violated in some way?
Sometimes Joe, I think you disagree just for the sake of
disagreement.
JoeRaisin
Some would be confused, some might simply display fear and I'd venture
I'd run into one or two who would, calmly and without the slightest
trace of anger, kick the living shit out out me...
>
> How many people get angry when they are violated in some way?
>
> Sometimes Joe, I think you disagree just for the sake of
> disagreement.
Not on this. If someone chooses to react with anger that is up to them.
I can provoke anger - but the source of that anger is the person
themselves. The proof of that is that not everyone will react with
anger. If anger is an involuntary reaction to a particular stimuli then
anger would be the response 100% of the time.
But according to your previous reasoning, you are asserting that I can
cause a person to sin with no choice on their part?
tedw
There are some people that won't react but they are few and far
between.Given sufficient provokation, most people will
react. A conditioned reflex response.
People do not sin by choice. It is a compulsion.
mgh
"Mark Warner" <markwarner195...@att.net> wrote in message
news:7t9eao...@mid.individual.net...
Yea baby!
And my first thought was "Fuck you".
Great minds!
:)
peace
mgh
Tim and Lisa
"mgh" <mgh...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:hkodl7$gks$1...@speranza.aioe.org...
Seems Yew need yer mouth washed out whiff soap Boy! ;o)
SandyG
I can't control my emotions. They just "are". I CAN control how I deal with
them and what I do about them.
--
- Sandy
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of
the light." - Dylan Thomas
tedw
Somebody is rude to you and you become upset. You have no control over
your emotions but you can
control your actions.
I tell you that as an experiment someone is going to be rude to you to
see if you can control your reaction. When you
are forewarned and prepared that it is an experiment, you have
control. Forewarning prevents an emotional response.
If you have that kind of mental preparedness all the time, you will
not get upset.
JoeRaisin
Becoming upset is one thing, acting out in an inappropriate manner is
another.
Perhaps you were incapable of acting out when feeling a negative
emotion, but many are not.
This sounds a lot like the sort of thing folks tell themselves in order
to assuage feelings of guilt over past bad behavior.
A healthier way to deal with such guilt is to make amends, learn how to
recognize negative feelings and adjust one's behavior.
nipntuk
> If you have that kind of mental preparedness all the time, you will
> not get upset.
tedw
Well. I sleep just fine, but I have to admit I haven't always
practised what I preach. But I intend to.
nipntuk
What you describe is emotionally unhealthy and dehumanizing.
mikewestvale
Intentions, is that not the pavement on the road to perdition. What I
intend to do matters not a whit if my actions do not bear them out.
Chronocidal Charlie
> tedw wrote:
>> If the words and actions of others have the power to make you
>> angry and resentful, who is in control of your emotions: you or
>> them?
>
>
> I can't control my emotions.
Sure you can Sandy, or at least *most* people can, but it takes
something called honesty, open mindedness, willingness, self awareness,
discipline and <shudder> *work* </shudder> on a continuing day to day
basis to do it.
But sadly, there are men and women who are constitutionally incapable of
being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not
at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally
incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands
rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
Here maybe a million different takes and ways to git started.
And no Virginia, I'm not proposing Hypervigilance like Steve just
bounced off the far wall in reaction rather than response, from my
perspective, just because it was something *ted* sed.
And I disagree with the other Ted in that the way you handled the
*anger* thing was healthy. Expressing anger is one thing. Dealing with
the anger is another, and there is still yet another component of anger
that needs be delt with to keep it *healthy* and they run in not the
above order, but..
The emotional state
The expression of Anger
Understanding and managing Anger
Once again here about a million takes and techniques.
>> A couple of weeks ago, I got angry with a friend of mine. The
>> situation is too complicated to spell out here. Anyway, I called
>> her and told her "You know, I feel very angry with you right now
>> because of ____________". No shouting. No raised voice or
>> accusations. Just spelled it out. Then it was done. Over. Let it
>> go and moved on. I think that is a lot healthier than denying that
>> I am angry and instead carrying a grudge. I don't think that is
>> going to "take me back out".
To the above I say:
Bullshit!
Did you by any chance take time to try to figure out what it is or was
that caused you to become angry and react with the telephone call?
Did you do a quick 10 or mini-4th on the matter. "We listed people,
institutions or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why
we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our
pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships,(including sex)
were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."
Did you do a one person *grudge* list as outlined in Chap. 5, how it
works. ;-)
On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our
self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex
relations, which had been interfered with?
We were usually as definite as this example:
I'm resentful at: The cause Affects my:
A friend of mine Blah, Blah Raw nerves
I still like to go back to what H B Gill posted here while back. ;-)
>>>>> "How I stay sober? I concentrate on continuing to take
>>>>> personal inventory...and if I'm disturbed by something,
>>>>> instead of immediately reacting, I try to start with how my
>>>>> butt feels in the chair or my feet feel on the ground and
>>>>> then scan my immediate environment to see if I'd better move
>>>>> or get squashed. If not, then I check my breathing, which,
>>>>> if things aren't feeling right is usually shallow.
>>>>> Breathing slower and holding the breath in when I feel like
>>>>> blowing it out helps a lot to restore the blood gases to the
>>>>> right balance and I can then think rationally...rather than
>>>>> reacting. After doing a little more inventory, I can take
>>>>> things one step at a time after that...asking myself "Why am
>>>>> I disturbed? Why am I irritated? Why do I feel that a
>>>>> reaction is urgent?" Usually the answer is that no reaction
>>>>> is necessary...("Don't just do something, sit there." as my
>>>>> friend in Borneo says...) - and usually I can find the
>>>>> answers inside me...AA has taught me how to do inventory and
>>>>> find the "fear" at the root of disturbances.
>>>>> So, that helps me stay sober rather than drinking to relieve
>>>>> these feelings of discomfort that often have their origin in
>>>>> a lack of acceptance of conditions as they are.
>>>>> Now, if I get that far...I can use prayer and meditation in
>>>>> this process...and then with my spiritual condition
>>>>> sorted...appropriate responses can be made to the world and
>>>>> the people and things in it.
>>>>> Finally, I can reach out my hand to help others...listening
>>>>> to what they have to share with compassion and patience. I
>>>>> can try to help another alcoholic. I can put into practice
>>>>> "First Things First" - "Easy Does It" and "Live and Let
>>>>> Live"...and life goes really smoothly!"
Five cents please.
CC
nipntuk
Chronocidal Charlie wrote:
> And no Virginia, I'm not proposing Hypervigilance like Steve just
> bounced off the far wall in reaction rather than response, from my
> perspective, just because it was something *ted* sed.
Not akshully, Charlie. In my many visits with my paid friend, a few years ago,
much attention was given to this very thang. The attempt to avoid 'upset' by
somehow being perpetually 'prepared' is, in fact, a form of hyper vigilance. It
also robs a person of the experience of a full range of human emotion, and
denies a person the opportunity to completely understand their intrinsic states,
through denial of them. It's dehumanizing because our emotional reactions and
responses are just part of life.
Now, emotional balance, (as if any of us are really qualified to speak on the
subject) is another thang - but that's not what Mr. T spoke of. He spoke of a
state of "mental preparedness all the time", which ain't balance.
Chronocidal Charlie
You sure that stance now? ;-)
CC
JoeRaisin
We judge ourselves by our intentions.
The world judges us by our actions.
nipntuk
"all the time" isn't preparedness, it's guardedness. It's an unrealistic
expectation, and represents an extreme.