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The whole nine
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Maddie
Mar 25, 2012, 4:04:52 AM3/25/12
to
Smober: 9 YEARS
Cigarettes not smoked: 52,560
Amount saved (US): $9198.00 (@ $3.50 a pack)
Well, I've pretty much reached my personal goal of being quit for the
same length of time I smoked. I was absolutely obsessed when I first
started quitting with trying to find someone who had been quit for as
long as s/he smoked. I thought that would be the "magic hour" where
the quit fell into place and was comfortable.
Sad thing is I don't even know exactly when I became a regular smoker.
I bought my first pack in August of '93. But I was only smoking about
four a day that winter, except on the weekends when I would go to the
clubs and drink and smoke a pack or two in a few hours. (Cuh-razy!) So
my best guesstimate is I became a full-time smoker around the spring
of '94. So may as well say I've now been quit the same amount of time
I smoked.
But get this: I didn't even have to wait until this goal to feel
comfortable in my quit. It can be very livable and not unpleasant if
you work at it. Not even hard work at all, but *smart* work. Learning
all you can get your eyeballs on about smoking, addiction, and
quitting.
It's ridiculous to me that cigarette ads beckon us to "flavor country"
and "freedom." True freedom is not sticking a cigarette in my vein
every hour. Real freedom is not, while knowing full well how bad it is
for me, still smoking while desperate to quit yet terrified it'll be
impossible and I'll fail.
Sheesh, Big Tobacco marketing is straight out of Orwell's 1984: the
Ministry of Freedom (Minifree), targeting you since birth to enslave
you into an addiction that is the definition of anti-freedom.
And even after I feel the bonds of my addiction have been broken,
there is still one chain on me: that's the price of once addicted.
Once addicted, always addicted. It's sad, but it keeps me in line. I
can't take the chance of disturbing the hibernating bear of addiction.
So I leave it alone.
Hey, I admit I still get a desire to smoke if I see someone smoking --
but it's not a crave. It's twofold: a memory, but also a reminder to
myself that my addiction is ever-present but asleep -- and I don't
want to awaken the beast.
I'm still tempted by the very trappings that got me addicted: "Glamor"
in the movies and TV. I started smoking to emulate my screen idols. I
used to even justify my smoking addiction by saying, "See, So-and-So
Ms. Movie/TV/Music Star smokes. If she's not afraid of the
consequences, why should I be?" Sad. But I have to stay on my toes to
actively fight that.
Tonight is the season premiere of Mad Men. Not a huge fan, but I watch
it. And, boy, does my inner junkie LOVE it. But I have to be careful.
I just have to remind myself of the breakthrough I had when I busted
through the junkie thinking about how "glamorous" smoking is: it may
appear to be in 2-D, but when it comes alive in all of its 3-D glory,
it is smelly, foggy, cough-inducing, and finger-staining. All in all,
disgusting and most definitely not glamorous.
Another of my pitfalls to avoid was/is a self-destructive streak. Now
whenever I feel like "f_ck it, why not smoke, let's spite everyone,"
it would be more of a putting on my shoes and walking 100 miles to go
and find the self-destruction versus how earlier in my quit it felt
like it would have been a very passive falling back into a
self-destruction that seemed like a comfortable familiarity, like
lying on my own bed. Something to be mindful of, sure, but it seems
like too much work to give in to a fleeting desire to self-harm.
I've come to understand that learning how to build a quit like is like
building a model. Sure, some people have natural talent and luck and
can take the pieces of the model and assemble it deftly and correctly
without the instructions. But the majority of us need the manual in
order to sort out all the pieces and put it together with nothing
backwards or upside-down and also be told where exactly to stick the
decals.
The beautiful yet challenging thing is that we each have our own
manual when it comes to quitting. I wouldn't be quit without support,
but I had to take what I learned from as3, aqss, Whyquit, and
elsewhere and make it my own. But the journey of what is essentially a
self-exploration is well worth it. It takes some work, but nothing
scary.
Every year on the anniversary of my quit, I "cyber-cosplay" as one of
my favorite heroines. This year I'm Princess Leia rebelling against
the evil Emperor Nicotine and his villainous enforcer, the Sith lord
Darth Smoke:
http://acapnotic.webs.com/NINE%20YEARS%20SMOBER--%20leia.jpg
(If you see this post elsewhere, please forgive the redundancy of my
singing my 9 years from the mountaintops...)
-----
Maddie, Nona-OF
Cigarettes not smoked: 52,560
Amount saved (US): $9198.00 (@ $3.50 a pack)
Well, I've pretty much reached my personal goal of being quit for the
same length of time I smoked. I was absolutely obsessed when I first
started quitting with trying to find someone who had been quit for as
long as s/he smoked. I thought that would be the "magic hour" where
the quit fell into place and was comfortable.
Sad thing is I don't even know exactly when I became a regular smoker.
I bought my first pack in August of '93. But I was only smoking about
four a day that winter, except on the weekends when I would go to the
clubs and drink and smoke a pack or two in a few hours. (Cuh-razy!) So
my best guesstimate is I became a full-time smoker around the spring
of '94. So may as well say I've now been quit the same amount of time
I smoked.
But get this: I didn't even have to wait until this goal to feel
comfortable in my quit. It can be very livable and not unpleasant if
you work at it. Not even hard work at all, but *smart* work. Learning
all you can get your eyeballs on about smoking, addiction, and
quitting.
It's ridiculous to me that cigarette ads beckon us to "flavor country"
and "freedom." True freedom is not sticking a cigarette in my vein
every hour. Real freedom is not, while knowing full well how bad it is
for me, still smoking while desperate to quit yet terrified it'll be
impossible and I'll fail.
Sheesh, Big Tobacco marketing is straight out of Orwell's 1984: the
Ministry of Freedom (Minifree), targeting you since birth to enslave
you into an addiction that is the definition of anti-freedom.
And even after I feel the bonds of my addiction have been broken,
there is still one chain on me: that's the price of once addicted.
Once addicted, always addicted. It's sad, but it keeps me in line. I
can't take the chance of disturbing the hibernating bear of addiction.
So I leave it alone.
Hey, I admit I still get a desire to smoke if I see someone smoking --
but it's not a crave. It's twofold: a memory, but also a reminder to
myself that my addiction is ever-present but asleep -- and I don't
want to awaken the beast.
I'm still tempted by the very trappings that got me addicted: "Glamor"
in the movies and TV. I started smoking to emulate my screen idols. I
used to even justify my smoking addiction by saying, "See, So-and-So
Ms. Movie/TV/Music Star smokes. If she's not afraid of the
consequences, why should I be?" Sad. But I have to stay on my toes to
actively fight that.
Tonight is the season premiere of Mad Men. Not a huge fan, but I watch
it. And, boy, does my inner junkie LOVE it. But I have to be careful.
I just have to remind myself of the breakthrough I had when I busted
through the junkie thinking about how "glamorous" smoking is: it may
appear to be in 2-D, but when it comes alive in all of its 3-D glory,
it is smelly, foggy, cough-inducing, and finger-staining. All in all,
disgusting and most definitely not glamorous.
Another of my pitfalls to avoid was/is a self-destructive streak. Now
whenever I feel like "f_ck it, why not smoke, let's spite everyone,"
it would be more of a putting on my shoes and walking 100 miles to go
and find the self-destruction versus how earlier in my quit it felt
like it would have been a very passive falling back into a
self-destruction that seemed like a comfortable familiarity, like
lying on my own bed. Something to be mindful of, sure, but it seems
like too much work to give in to a fleeting desire to self-harm.
I've come to understand that learning how to build a quit like is like
building a model. Sure, some people have natural talent and luck and
can take the pieces of the model and assemble it deftly and correctly
without the instructions. But the majority of us need the manual in
order to sort out all the pieces and put it together with nothing
backwards or upside-down and also be told where exactly to stick the
decals.
The beautiful yet challenging thing is that we each have our own
manual when it comes to quitting. I wouldn't be quit without support,
but I had to take what I learned from as3, aqss, Whyquit, and
elsewhere and make it my own. But the journey of what is essentially a
self-exploration is well worth it. It takes some work, but nothing
scary.
Every year on the anniversary of my quit, I "cyber-cosplay" as one of
my favorite heroines. This year I'm Princess Leia rebelling against
the evil Emperor Nicotine and his villainous enforcer, the Sith lord
Darth Smoke:
http://acapnotic.webs.com/NINE%20YEARS%20SMOBER--%20leia.jpg
(If you see this post elsewhere, please forgive the redundancy of my
singing my 9 years from the mountaintops...)
-----
Maddie, Nona-OF
USArez
Jul 23, 2012, 6:35:39 PM7/23/12
to
On Sunday, March 25, 2012 3:04:52 AM UTC-5, Maddie wrote:
> Smober: 9 YEARS
> Cigarettes not smoked: 52,560
> Amount saved (US): $9198.00 (@ $3.50 a pack)
>
> Well, I've pretty much reached my personal goal of being quit for the
> Smober: 9 YEARS
> Cigarettes not smoked: 52,560
> Amount saved (US): $9198.00 (@ $3.50 a pack)
>
> same length of time I smoked. I was absolutely obsessed when I first
> started quitting with trying to find someone who had been quit for as
> long as s/he smoked. I thought that would be the "magic hour" where
> started quitting with trying to find someone who had been quit for as
> the quit fell into place and was comfortable.
>
> Sad thing is I don't even know exactly when I became a regular smoker.
>
> I bought my first pack in August of '93. But I was only smoking about
> four a day that winter, except on the weekends when I would go to the
> clubs and drink and smoke a pack or two in a few hours. (Cuh-razy!) So
> my best guesstimate is I became a full-time smoker around the spring
> of '94. So may as well say I've now been quit the same amount of time
> clubs and drink and smoke a pack or two in a few hours. (Cuh-razy!) So
> my best guesstimate is I became a full-time smoker around the spring
> I smoked.
>
> But get this: I didn't even have to wait until this goal to feel
> comfortable in my quit. It can be very livable and not unpleasant if
> you work at it. Not even hard work at all, but *smart* work. Learning
> all you can get your eyeballs on about smoking, addiction, and
> quitting.
>
> It's ridiculous to me that cigarette ads beckon us to "flavor country"
> you work at it. Not even hard work at all, but *smart* work. Learning
> all you can get your eyeballs on about smoking, addiction, and
> quitting.
>
> and "freedom." True freedom is not sticking a cigarette in my vein
> every hour. Real freedom is not, while knowing full well how bad it is
> for me, still smoking while desperate to quit yet terrified it'll be
> impossible and I'll fail.
>
> Sheesh, Big Tobacco marketing is straight out of Orwell's 1984: the
> Ministry of Freedom (Minifree), targeting you since birth to enslave
> you into an addiction that is the definition of anti-freedom.
>
> And even after I feel the bonds of my addiction have been broken,
> there is still one chain on me: that's the price of once addicted.
> you into an addiction that is the definition of anti-freedom.
>
> And even after I feel the bonds of my addiction have been broken,
> Once addicted, always addicted. It's sad, but it keeps me in line. I
> can't take the chance of disturbing the hibernating bear of addiction.
> So I leave it alone.
>
> Hey, I admit I still get a desire to smoke if I see someone smoking --
> but it's not a crave. It's twofold: a memory, but also a reminder to
>
> Hey, I admit I still get a desire to smoke if I see someone smoking --
> myself that my addiction is ever-present but asleep -- and I don't
> want to awaken the beast.
>
> I'm still tempted by the very trappings that got me addicted: "Glamor"
>
> in the movies and TV. I started smoking to emulate my screen idols. I
> used to even justify my smoking addiction by saying, "See, So-and-So
> Ms. Movie/TV/Music Star smokes. If she's not afraid of the
> consequences, why should I be?" Sad. But I have to stay on my toes to
> actively fight that.
>
> Tonight is the season premiere of Mad Men. Not a huge fan, but I watch
> it. And, boy, does my inner junkie LOVE it. But I have to be careful.
> I just have to remind myself of the breakthrough I had when I busted
> through the junkie thinking about how "glamorous" smoking is: it may
>
> Tonight is the season premiere of Mad Men. Not a huge fan, but I watch
> it. And, boy, does my inner junkie LOVE it. But I have to be careful.
> I just have to remind myself of the breakthrough I had when I busted
> appear to be in 2-D, but when it comes alive in all of its 3-D glory,
> it is smelly, foggy, cough-inducing, and finger-staining. All in all,
> disgusting and most definitely not glamorous.
>
> Another of my pitfalls to avoid was/is a self-destructive streak. Now
> whenever I feel like "f_ck it, why not smoke, let's spite everyone,"
> it is smelly, foggy, cough-inducing, and finger-staining. All in all,
> disgusting and most definitely not glamorous.
>
> Another of my pitfalls to avoid was/is a self-destructive streak. Now
> it would be more of a putting on my shoes and walking 100 miles to go
> and find the self-destruction versus how earlier in my quit it felt
> like it would have been a very passive falling back into a
> self-destruction that seemed like a comfortable familiarity, like
> lying on my own bed. Something to be mindful of, sure, but it seems
> like too much work to give in to a fleeting desire to self-harm.
>
> I've come to understand that learning how to build a quit like is like
> and find the self-destruction versus how earlier in my quit it felt
> like it would have been a very passive falling back into a
> self-destruction that seemed like a comfortable familiarity, like
> lying on my own bed. Something to be mindful of, sure, but it seems
> like too much work to give in to a fleeting desire to self-harm.
>
> building a model. Sure, some people have natural talent and luck and
> can take the pieces of the model and assemble it deftly and correctly
> without the instructions. But the majority of us need the manual in
> order to sort out all the pieces and put it together with nothing
> backwards or upside-down and also be told where exactly to stick the
> decals.
>
> The beautiful yet challenging thing is that we each have our own
> manual when it comes to quitting. I wouldn't be quit without support,
> can take the pieces of the model and assemble it deftly and correctly
> without the instructions. But the majority of us need the manual in
> order to sort out all the pieces and put it together with nothing
> backwards or upside-down and also be told where exactly to stick the
> decals.
>
> The beautiful yet challenging thing is that we each have our own
> but I had to take what I learned from as3, aqss, Whyquit, and
> elsewhere and make it my own. But the journey of what is essentially a
> self-exploration is well worth it. It takes some work, but nothing
> scary.
>
> Every year on the anniversary of my quit, I "cyber-cosplay" as one of
> elsewhere and make it my own. But the journey of what is essentially a
> self-exploration is well worth it. It takes some work, but nothing
> scary.
>
> my favorite heroines. This year I'm Princess Leia rebelling against
> the evil Emperor Nicotine and his villainous enforcer, the Sith lord
> Darth Smoke:
> http://acapnotic.webs.com/NINE%20YEARS%20SMOBER--%20leia.jpg
>
> (If you see this post elsewhere, please forgive the redundancy of my
> singing my 9 years from the mountaintops...)
>
> -----
> Maddie, Nona-OF
I was still smober 6 years as of the first day of last spring. You were an inspiration to me when I quit.
> Darth Smoke:
> http://acapnotic.webs.com/NINE%20YEARS%20SMOBER--%20leia.jpg
>
> (If you see this post elsewhere, please forgive the redundancy of my
> singing my 9 years from the mountaintops...)
>
> -----
> Maddie, Nona-OF
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