HELP! Our son is acting bizarre!!!! ...Very worried parents.
Cyble
have mentioned. parents tend to have an *extremely* biased view when it
comes to their childrens' "odd" behavior.) it does sound like something is
up. forcing him into therapy is not the answer, however (read what mia
wrote).
b
Tamalee Ennis
>
> : We hear him ranting and
> :raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long.
>
> Again, I am not trying to be judgemental, but you have your opinons, he probably
> has different ones, the question is not what is wrong with you, it's what, if
> anything, is wrong with him.
I agree. Perhaps he is trying to communicate something in his ranting
and ravings that ought to be acknowledged. Why would he want to
participate in therapy when he doesn't feel he's being heard? He's
obviously trying to say something - it doesn't matter if the parents see
it as valid or not - what he's feeling is real and valid to him and first
needs to be addressed at that level.
> :We went to a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
> :all mean and crazy and that he is normal.
>
> Crazy is a relative term, I know I am unstable rationaly, but if I look at the
> world through my eyes, I FEEL "normal" people are wierd, Again it sounds like
> something, but only a doctor can tell you that, and in order for the doctor to
> do that, he has to cooperate. Nobody can force him if he doesn't want to be
> helped, and that is on the assumption that what is wrong with him is indeed some
> sort of illness, it could be his version of teenage rebelion. I can't tell.
Maybe one of the biggest problems is that his parents are too involved in
his problems at a point in his life when he needs to establish peer
supports and individuate from his family of origin. Enmeshment issues
often rear their ugly head when children become adolescents and start to
become aware of their individuality and the possibility of making
independent choices.
>
> : Has anyone out there ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings?
> I think everybody does at some point and time, but what is casusing them? See
> only he can answer alot of these questions. There are bits and peices of me
> floating around this group, so by reading the posts, you can figure out what is
> wrong with me. If you met me on the street and talked to me, I would appear
> like a perfectly normal human being. Do you understand why I refuse to
> speculate? Only I know, sorta, what is going on in my head, you cant.
>
> : Do any of you feel that FORCING him to therapy
> This is my personall opinion, and I think alot of people will agree, therapy
> will not work if the person getting it does not want to be there.
Hey Mom - you have got to cut your son some slack. He's too old to be
forced into anything. All you'll get is a power struggle and feelings of
resentment. This might sound harsh, but you seem to be more forced on
control than you are focused on just loving your son where he's at. He's
an individual with his own unique views and has some obvious pain. Try
listening to him. You don't have to agree with his views, but try to
understand why he sees things the way he does and respect that his
feelings are valid even when you don't understand the logic of them.
That might be the start of a more open and honest relationship. How
could he enter into therapy with you if he feels that his feelings and
views are nothing but a hassle to you? Why should he trust you with his
feelings?
Tamalee
Lady Angel
I will have to agree with Mia, in saying that u can't help someone that
doesn't want to be helped, and no, u can't force anyone to see a
therapist. For one, i'm not too fond of therapist, being that i was
forced to see them as a child, second because I study Sociology now, and
don't think most problems have to do with broken homes or as most
therapist will try to tell you. Anyways, I also want to suggest, if you
do take your son to a therapist, be very careful what they prescribe, if
any, because I had a friend who was very similar to this, she was always
angry, her parents forced her to see a dr, gave her prozac and all that
other shit, and instead of her 'just' being angry, she became violent,
and tried to commit suicide several times. What I feel your son is doing is
wanting to be reassured that you, as his parents are there for him. I did
the same when i was a child, I used to cry at nite, wanting my mother to
come in and ask what was wrong, but when she did I'd scream for her to
get out, yet when she left, i was happy that she came and calmy smiled
letting me know that I could go talk to her if I wanted. If your son is
feeling the same way I was or some what like that, it's basically just
plenty of reassurance that he needs and lots of support, in whatever he
does, whether he continues with art or not. I grew out of my depression,
or whatever it's called..and thats what he'll do too.. the only thing I
don't advise is to push anything. It only adds to the confusion that he
is probably in. It's scary now, as i write this, because i'm only 19 and
yet, I feel i've been through hell and back because of my childhood, but
i feel what i went through strengthened my character and judgements in
life. Just hope for the best, and never lose faith, it's a phase.. don't
try to suppress it with drugs, it will only make it worse..and don't be
so quick to judge what 'normal' is or isn't... well, thats my advice :}
good luck..
On Sat, 6 Jan 1996, Mia wrote:
> On 6 Jan 1996 02:36:28 GMT, elias <elias@ovnet> wrote:
> By the way, you e-mail address is wrong.
>
> :Our son is 15 and
> :has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
> :As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
> :up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
> :coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
> :on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
> :second thought to.
> This is hard, I would have to see what he would say about the situation, not
> being judgemental, but this is how you precieve him, how does he percieve
> himself?
>
> The symptoms you describe could be a couple of things I can think of off the top
> of my head. Still, the question remains what does he have to say. I think
> before I give an opinion, he would have to talk/email/post something in his own
> words.
>
>
> : He has started staying awake alnight and
> :sleeping all day, He is introverted and used to do art work,
> :but now doesn"t even attempt that.
>
> Something is up, I can tell that much from this, but what it is, won't say
> untill he posts something in his own words.
>
> : We hear him ranting and
> :raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long.
>
> Again, I am not trying to be judgemental, but you have your opinons, he probably
> has different ones, the question is not what is wrong with you, it's what, if
> anything, is wrong with him.
>
> :We went to a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
> :all mean and crazy and that he is normal.
>
> Crazy is a relative term, I know I am unstable rationaly, but if I look at the
> world through my eyes, I FEEL "normal" people are wierd, Again it sounds like
> something, but only a doctor can tell you that, and in order for the doctor to
> do that, he has to cooperate. Nobody can force him if he doesn't want to be
> helped, and that is on the assumption that what is wrong with him is indeed some
> sort of illness, it could be his version of teenage rebelion. I can't tell.
>
> : Has anyone out there ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings?
> I think everybody does at some point and time, but what is casusing them? See
> only he can answer alot of these questions. There are bits and peices of me
> floating around this group, so by reading the posts, you can figure out what is
> wrong with me. If you met me on the street and talked to me, I would appear
> like a perfectly normal human being. Do you understand why I refuse to
> speculate? Only I know, sorta, what is going on in my head, you cant.
>
> : Do any of you feel that FORCING him to therapy
> This is my personall opinion, and I think alot of people will agree, therapy
> will not work if the person getting it does not want to be there.
>
> :and/or meds will help??
>
> Again, my opinion, I don't think drugs will do a damm thing for him other than
> turning him into a zombie if the underlying causes can not be determined.
>
> If he doen't want help, I am not sure what can be done.
> Happy Trails
> Mia
>
>
Susan Reynolds
>> :Our son is 15 and
>> :has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
>> :As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
>> :up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
>> :coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
>> :on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
>> :second thought to.
Hi: I have a son who sounds somewhat similar to yours. He seems to always
have been a depressed, anxious child, even as a newborn. By two years old
he was suffering from severe night terrors and we had to medicate him to help
him get some sleep. We tried a nutritionist and he was on dozens of
different vitamin pills, some of which may have worked, some did not. Then we
Then things started getting worse. As a 10 year old he had developed a stomach
ulcer and cried all the time, like you said, over tiny things that wouldn't even
phase another child. He started showing signs of panic attacks and OCD, and
I decided to try a therapist. He agreed that my son definitely had a problem
and was seeing him twice a week. My son didn't mind going, but it didn't seem
to be making any difference at all. After giving it a year and still hearing my
son cry in his room at the age of 12 broke my heart. I could hear him saying
that he hated his life and wished he were dead. I then called his medical
doctor and he decided it was time to try anti-depressants. As reluctant as I
was, I couldn't watch my son suffer anymore. he put him on Paxil, and I swear
to God, I saw a difference the next day! He is now a "normal" teenager who
laughs, doesn't worry, has fun, and doesn't seem to let anything bother him
anymore. This, from a kid who would freak out if a piece of furniture had been
moved a few inches. I don't particularly recommend medication for kids, but
in this case I think it may have saved my son's life. We are in the process of
slowly weaning him off the Paxil to see if he'll do OK. Good luck to you, and
please talk to your doctor ASAP. Good luck, Sue777
Mark Saison Gibson
: Greetings to all; we are new to the bb's . Our son is 15 and
: As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
: up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
: coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
: on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
: raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long. We went to
: ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings? Do any of
: you feel that FORCING him to therapy and/or meds will help??
: Please write to us with any thoughts or suggestions.
: Thanks,desparate parents
My personal opinion is that he should be seen by a psychiatrist ( not a
therapist ) as soon as possible. If possible ask your family doctor for a
referral to a psychiatrist. I am not qualified to diagnose so I will say
no more but the situation MAY point to a significant illness. I wish you
the very best of luck.
--
***Committee to Oppose Long Sigs***
sangree
>
> Greetings to all; we are new to the bb's . Our son is 15 and
> has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
> As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
> up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
> coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
> on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
> second thought to. He has started staying awake alnight and
> sleeping all day, He is introverted and used to do art work,
> but now doesn"t even attempt that. We hear him ranting and
> raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long. We went to
> a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
> all mean and crazy and that he is normal. Has anyone out there
> ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings? Do any of
> you feel that FORCING him to therapy and/or meds will help??
> Please write to us with any thoughts or suggestions.
> Thanks,desparate parents
Dear parents,
As someone who went through the worst of my mental illness in my
teens, I'd say that over-reaction is better than under-reaction. I'd
get in contact with any MDs you trust and see if any can reccommend a
psychiatrist who's got a good reputation for working with adolescents
and young adults. You should probably hurry.
It's an awful experience (I know it was for my parents), but it's
probably the last best chance you have to help your child.
Rules of thumb...
"danger to self or others" is criteria for hospitalization. Short of
that, I'd avoid that route if possible, because it's a drastic change
in the course of one's life.
"oriented in time, space and reality", e.g., whether or not a person
is psychotic. If he's seeing or hearing things that aren't there,
feeling as if his will is controlled by outside forces, that makes
treatment urgent.
I can't guess what you and your son are up against... I know that in
my life, the impact of my mania on my family was one of the hardest
aspects of the disease, and that if they had been able to chill out
just a bit, we might have got through things with a little less
damage.
On the other hand, we all know people who were not helped in time.
If my child's behavior were truly "bizarre", I'd get to a
psychiatrist, and to a therapist too. If expensive treatment were
required, I think we could embrace bankruptcy without regret. The
regret I would not be able to endure would be to have somehow done
less than I could.
Love,
Michael
When all else fails, tough it out
Bob Kamath
>
>Greetings to all; we are new to the bb's . Our son is 15 and
>has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
>As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
>up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
>coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
>on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
>second thought to. He has started staying awake alnight and
>sleeping all day, He is introverted and used to do art work,
>but now doesn"t even attempt that. We hear him ranting and
>raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long. We went to
>a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
>all mean and crazy and that he is normal. Has anyone out there
>ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings? Do any of
>you feel that FORCING him to therapy and/or meds will help??
>Please write to us with any thoughts or suggestions.
> Thanks,desparate parents
>
>
I can see so much anguish in your letter regarding your 15 year old son.
First, a few observations: He was an anxious kid to start with. He has
now developed many other symptoms such as irritability, angry outbursts,
negative behavior, hostility, etc.
Do not wait much longer. Force him to see a psychiatrist who treats children
and adolescents. He needs a thorough evaluation by an experienced
psychiatrist. You need to find out if he could be having a case of
depression.Also, there is a possiblility that he has been under a series
of stresses recently which might have overwhelmed him.Before any therapy
is started, you should know what is happening with him.It is important
that you start with someone you think knows what he/she is talking about.
For you might not get a second chance if the first person botches things
up.
You have my sincere understanding and support.
Bob Kamath, M.D.
>
>
Bob Kamath
rka...@ldd.net
ceri howard
few Dr's opinions 1st (don't just go to one, unless you have a
pediatrician you trust ).
Good luck and please get some help for him and for yourselves!!!
-Ceridwyn
mail...@pop.net
> Thanks,desparate parents
>
>
>
hi
please post a valid email address here
i would really like to respond and try to help.
Cyble
in their child's emotional problems. however, the parents cannot, and
should not, take control in the way that you seem to be proposing. as
someone who decided on her own to go into a hospital at 17 (against what
my parents wanted) i've dicovered that parents DON'T always know best. and
force is not appreciated by the child--it just works to increase the
distrust between child and parent.
so, worried parents, be careful. don't let your emotional attatchment to
your son get in the way, b/c you must know that you don't know all the
facts, and cannot make an informed decision. seek therapy, including
family therapy (i would also suggest therapy for parents alone), but don't
force it. as mia said, it won't do any good.
brooke
Barb Grajewski
I would have to agree. First rule out physiological problems, if any,
and then move into the realm of treating what is left. I wish my mom
would have taken me to a more "modern" doctor when I was first suffering
from early panic/anxiety. Instead, this ancient pediatrician decided I
was just "excitable" or something, and I was treated w/ a mild tranq.
with no follow-up. The meds ran out and my mom considered the problem
"solved". I was about 16 at the time. By the time I was in college, I
was sure I was "going crazy" and sought help through student counseling
services. It helped, but it has been a recurring issue in my life.
Finally, at the age of 36 or so, I decided I needed to try meds. And
finally, I feel like I just might be able to deal with the world and be a
productive, vital human being. I just feel tremendous sadness over all
the "lost years" when I was either depressed or anxious or
"self-medicating" or whatever.
Find some help, and do it soon. Even if you must resort to a
little subterfuge... "It's time for a full physical..." or whatever. Or,
just be straight out, and say, "we can see that you're not happy, and we
want to find out what's wrong..."
Best wishes. Don't let this go unattended.
B.
zoo...@richmond.infi.net
Elias,
I agree with Mark. You son needs to be seen by a competent psychiatrist, or
perhaps treated in a structured, team oriented, environment. Unfortunately,
it's difficult to "make" or force a person to accept therapy. The theraputic
relationship can't be forced down someone's throat. Talk to his doctor about
a referral. He's still dependent upon you and your wife for his support...
soon he'll be old enough to be out of the house and on his own which could be
disasterous. Good luck. Keep in touch to let us know how things are going.
Eva Kaniasty
There has been a lot of advice given in response to this post
that seems unwarranted considering how little information
was provided about this situation.
From what the parents have said, I see two real possibilities.
One of them is that the kid is just having a hard time with
adolescence. Thinking back to my own adolescence, I think
there were times when I would definitely seem "crazy",
especially to my parents. Yet I grew out of it, and am now
a relatively sane human being.
The second possibility is that there is something seriously
wrong. If the kid is hearing voices, doesn't seem interested
in normal social activities, doesn't shower, etc. then definitely
get him to a psychiatrist, pronto.
On the other hand, it could just be a problem in the relationship
with the parents. I am not saying this accusingly. I am just
saying that you might try to actually listen to what your son
has to say, instead of discounting it as "crazy" or something
normal kids wouldn't worry about. 15 year olds worry about
a lot of things. Maybe family therapy is the answer.
In any case, seeking help from a professional would probably
be a good idea, but I wouldn't suggest forcing him into
therapy. Rather, try to make it into an opportunity to
get an objective outsider's opinion on what is really
going on. Family therapy seems like a real good idea,
since it would not antagonize your son further and make
him feel like it's all his fault.
elias (elias@ovnet) wrote:
>Greetings to all; we are new to the bb's . Our son is 15 and
>has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
>As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
>up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
>coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
>on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
>second thought to. He has started staying awake alnight and
>sleeping all day, He is introverted and used to do art work,
>but now doesn"t even attempt that. We hear him ranting and
>raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long. We went to
>a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
>all mean and crazy and that he is normal. Has anyone out there
>ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings? Do any of
>you feel that FORCING him to therapy and/or meds will help??
>Please write to us with any thoughts or suggestions.
> Thanks,desparate parents
=========================================================================
Eva Kaniasty | Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
squ...@bu.edu |
>QQ< | -C.G. Jung
=========================================================================
Annette Vogels
>Greetings to all; we are new to the bb's . Our son is 15 and
>has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
>As adolescence approached it has become a nightmare. He gets
>up in a negative mood, very angry, unhappy and is constantly
>coplaining about past events. Most of this misfortune he harps
>on is about things that normal kids wouldn"t even give a
>second thought to. He has started staying awake alnight and
>sleeping all day, He is introverted and used to do art work,
>but now doesn"t even attempt that. We hear him ranting and
>raving about his TERRIBLE childhood all night long. We went to
>a therapist but he won't co-operate at all. He thinks we are
>all mean and crazy and that he is normal. Has anyone out there
>ever experienced any of these emotions and feelings? Do any of
>you feel that FORCING him to therapy and/or meds will help??
>Please write to us with any thoughts or suggestions.
> Thanks,desparate parents
I have been a 15 yr old myself and very much convinced of my own point
of view. However many years later I found out that my convictions were
build on what I would like to call fictions, that is unrealistic
images of what life had to be like and especially my own life. My
fictions were born from conclusions I made based on my education and
the ways my parents treated me. These conclusions grew out to
life-strategies, patterns and expectations. I believe in the
sincerety and honesty of children and reading your concern I would
advice to thouroughly listen to what your son has to tell you. It
might not so much be the contents of what he tells you as what is
hidden behind it. He is trying to ask for attention and that can only
be because he has a terrible need of love and understanding,
acceptance of what he is and is not.
It seems to me that there is not much of a contact as the thing has
gone so far.
If you (the parents,) are convinced that he is not normal, where would
he have to get his self-esteme from?)
If you have any questions I would be happy to give you my answer and
as much as I am convinced of the childs sincerety I also think that
most of the time parents do what they can and that they are not to
blame. Differences in time, surroundings, and other are very often
the cause of the misunderstanding. If there is communication and good
will one can repair...
I hope you can do that. I hope to have added something positive even
it may sound a little direct.
With respect, Annet.
Been There
>has probably been anxiety ridden for as long as I can remember.
>
Folks.... Speak to your doctor about some chemical therapy...
the new anti-depressant drugs are marvellous...
It takes several weeks to see a change... be patient.
I have been there.... therapy should come after medical treatment.
Keep in mind that acute anxiety is very often a medical problem...
You can even medicate your son without his knowlege if he is not inclined
to be helped.
Good luck.... and you are not alone....
Daeron
>Folks.... Speak to your doctor about some chemical therapy...
>
>You can even medicate your son without his knowlege if he is not inclined
>to be helped.
>
'Chemical therapy' without a basis in person-to-person therapy - otherwise
known as human communication is as useless as yesterday's garbage. It is
exactly what is wrong with the way money-grubbing HMO's (and their
'therapist' lackeys) treat their clientele currently. Get as many 'meds'
prescribed as possible and earn more money- the 'new-fashioned' way. As
for 'medicating without his knowledge' - forget it- all you will do is
precipitate a disaster and fundamental feeling of betrayal (as well as
violation) on his part. Do you take him for a total fool or what? Some of
ue are very 'drug sensitive' and we can tell if the slightest 'med' has
been added to food, drink or whatever. It will only be a mtter of time
before he finds out (from the side effects) what you've done and you'll
live in his shithouse for the rest of your days. Can you accept that?
elias
e-mail address in the setup of our new version of Netscape.
What's the big deal?
I have no idea who or what Jerry Springer is. You are
certainly not a very understanding person.Obviously, we are
trying to get our child some help. We just thought maybe some
people could remember having these same experiences!!!
Jason
could never have a problem...." and all that crap. If there is
ANYTHING he enjoys doing, as long as it isn't using drugs, or any
other bad thing, SUPPORT IT! I just wish I could play a musical
instrument, but I can't teach myself, and my parents won't get me
lessons because "They can't afford it" even though I know very well
that they can. Well, enough about me. You are doing good, keep it
up. Good luck.
Jason