Wrestlemania 18... Too many cooks in the kitchen & predictions.
Tehawk
the Hawk's fans, the person known only as JACK EPSTEIN
<v8-...@att.net> mumbled some gaga:
>It seems as if every few years, the WWF loses interest in being the best
>product it can possibly be. They let the egos of wrestlers run wild,
>change booking plans on the fly, and forget how to effectively entertain the
>audience.
>
>In the last few months, the WWF has been completely directionless. While
>I agree with the firing of Eddie Guerrero, I cannot agree with bringing
>back the horrid gimmicks of 1999 (Val Venis, Godfather, Goldust, among
>others).
>The WWF has oversaturated their roster to the point where it is
>impossible for certain workers to appear on RAW/Smackdown, unless they're gonna be
>fodder for an Undertaker squash.
Or fodder for an nWo squash aka Spike Dudley a few weeks back.
>This is exactly what WCW did, and it
>always leads to unrest among the wrestlers.
>
And the same guys that caused that unrest in WCW are now in the WWF.
>The booking for this Wrestlemania has been pathetic. It is definitely
>reminiscent of Wrestlemania 2000's booking (at least this year's WM
>isn't just a bunch of makeshift tag team matches). Instead of the focus being
>on the big title match, the focus is on a bottle of lotion, a crippled dog,
>and the fact that Stephanie is a whore. Anyways, here is the match by match
>breakdown of the card, as well as my predictions....
>
>Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page "European Title"
>- The Euro belt is worthless. It serves no purpose. It is not a stepping
>stone to the 'next level'. The only heat this match will have is the fact that
>Christian is from Toronto. He'll come out and make fun of the town, turning the
>crowd against him. If Christian loses, he's gonna be low midcard for life. If
>DDP loses, nothing happens because he has zero heat. Christian and Edge are lost
>without each other. Reunite them at WM 18 for a monster pop in front of the
>hometown crowd.
>PREDICTION: Christian wins the Euro Belt.
>
I suspect that the Canadians will still love Xian no matter what he
does.
>Edge vs. Booker T
>- With the "shampoo" backstory, it would have been more logical to make
>this match a "hair vs. hair" affair to give it more heat. But that doesn't make a
>difference. This match could be decent, but Edge seems incapable of reaching anything over ***,
>and Booker T seemed much better in WCW. Edge has been the victim of awful booking,
>and I don't see why that would end at Wrestlemania.
>PREDICTION: Booker T bashes a bottle of Prell over Edge's head to win
>
If we're lucky, when he does his spinoroni, he slips on that spilled
prell and breaks his neck.
>Kane vs. Kurt Angle
>- Sure, they've had some decent TV matches... but remember this. When
>was the last decent match Kane had on PPV? Anyways, Kurt Angle being this low on the
>card considering the last 12 months hes had is re-cock-ulous. He draws the
>most heat of anybody in the WWF. I see this match going a little bit like Angle/Shane
>at KotR, because we've already seen Angle make Kane submit to the ankle lock a
>few times. It would be interesting to see Benoit make his return during this match
>and hit Ange with a few Rolling German suplexes to restart their feud.
>PREDICTION: Kurt Angle wins and remains in the midcard
>
You left out that Pete Rose might do a run in.
>DUDs vs. Hardyz vs. Billy/Chuck vs. APA "WWF Tag Title"
>- The WWF not using a gimmick tag match at Wrestlemania!?!?!? The WWF is
>hoping that this match will draw heat because Billy and Chuck might be fags.
>But of course, the work here will be sloppy, and Lita will continue to look ugly.
>PREDICTION: DUDs win Tag Belts while Bradshaw gives a wedgie to Jeff
>Hardy
>
>Lita vs. Jazz vs. Trish "Womens Title"
>- Replace Trish with Chyna, and you have the ugliest match ever. I don't
>care about this match because none of the participants are even close to being a
>decent worker. I'm surprised the WWF hasn't made better use out of Molly, as shes the
>least whorish looking, and has some wrestling ability.
>PREDICTION: Lita wins the belt, while all the mirrors in the arena break
>
You miss the point, the WWF likes whorish looking women.
>Ric Flair vs. Undertaker
>- Jeez, I would have liked to have seen this match..... 10 years ago.
>This match is a result of Undertaker not wanting to work with Nash, a match they had 6
>years ago that was barely a *** match. Either way, Flair bleeds like a stuck
>pig here. Neither man can take a bump, so this will be chop & punch city. I'd mark
>if both men break their hips, and SaraTaker and David Flair had to take their
>places. On a side note, I can't wait until Sara and Mark get divorced... I hate
>that tattoo.
>PREDICTION: Undertaker wins after boring the shit out of the crowd
>
And keeps his wrestlemania winning streak.
>Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall
>- Could this be the most lackluster PPV match Austin has ever had since
>1997?
>Scott Hall is the token bitch of the nWo (he was more fun when we was
>drunk off his ass and stumbling through interviews). On a side note, I hate 'face'
>Austin. His short heel run last year gave us some of the most memorable matches and
>interviews I can recall since Mankind in 1998. This match will eventually lead to
>Austin vs. Nash at King of the Ring, which will lead to the inevitable showdown with
>Hogan at Summerslam.
>PREDICTION: Austin kills Hall and drinks a lot of beer
>
>Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal "IC Title"
>- RVD is massively over, William Regal is not. Regal is a total heat
>killer, as he hasn't drawn a reaction since his days as the WWF Commish. Much like Kane,
>Regal puts in awful PPV performances. So..... get the IC belt off of Regal, and
>give it to RVD for a few months (RVD did wonders for the Hardcore division).
>PREDICTION: RVD wins IC belt while Regal bleeds from sloppy kicks
>
Considering that RVD became over while elsewhere, I think the WWF will
try to keep him down and have Regal win this one.
>Chris Jericho vs. Triple H "Unified Lucy & Lotion Title"
>- Almost two years ago, these two had a killer feud that resulted in a
>few big matches. They tore down the house at Fully Loaded, they were part of that awesome
>tag match last year..... so what happened? Steph McMahon felt the need to place
>her fat ass in every aspect of this feud. Jericho went from being an underdog who
>~CHEATED TO WIN, to being Steph's bitchboy. This angle should have taken
>a different form, as Jericho should have stolen Steph away from HHH. Instead, we
>have the Steph/HHH wacky hour as they do whatever they can to get under each other's skin
>(wait for Steph to pitch the sitcom idea). Have Steph KOed early in the match so we can
>give Jericho/HHH at least 20 minutes to work. Of course she'll do the run-in, cost
>Jericho the match, act shocked, then recieve a pedigree in which she'll land spread eagle
>showing off her vagina to 60,000+, and millions of people watching at home.
>PREDICTION: Steph's vagina becomes the Unified World champ
>
If she does show her twat, it'll be the most talked about thing in
here.
>Hulk Hogan vs. Rocky
>- The heat for this match will be off the hook. Sad thing is, I'm really
>looking forward to it. Total sports entertainment match, with plenty of tests of strength. No
>nWo interference here, as Rocky dominates most of the match. But since theres more $$$ in
>the inevitable Austin/Hogan match, Hogan must remain undefeated until at least the
>summertime.
>PREDICTION: Hogan plays air guitar while standing over Rocky's corpse
>
And Rocky keeps his wrestlemania losing streak.
>
>You know what? I'm kind of enjoying the WWF's shitty booking. It gives
>me something to make fun of now that ECW has been dead for over a year. I miss Nova's
>awesome repetoire of moves that people stole from him.
>
>Jack Epstein
>v8-...@att.net
Jason Kreitzer
1.WWF European Title: DDP (c) vs. Christian. I agree that the title has been
rendered meaningless. Hell, the IC title used to mean that the champ was the
Number One Contender to the World Title. Now it's all conspiracies and
alliances and Corporate bullshit and other nonsense. Neither guy is going
anywhere, but I'd have Christian win the belt because he can actually work and
DDP is worthless.
2.Edge vs. Booker T. The WWF seemed desperate to give both guys something to
do, and the "shampoo ad" storyline should not have been it. I realize that you
need a storyline, but couldn't have been something simple like, "You cost me a
big match and that pissed me off so now I'm going to kick your ass!" Still, if
both guys are motivated, this should be good. I like both guys and hope they
can both move onto something substantial after this. Hopefully, the NWO shit
won't overtake this match.
3.Kurt Angle vs. Kane. Well, I don't like either guy, but Kane is just
useless, so Angle should win. Undertaker wears those "DeadMan Inc." shirts.
Kane should wear one that says "DeadWeight Inc."
4.WWF Tag Team Title: Billy/Chuck (c) vs. Hardyz vs. APA vs. DUDS. I like two
of the teams in this one, APA and Hardyz. I get the feeling that Billy/Chuck
and the APA will be eliminated quickly in order to give us Hardyz-DUDS #9,501.
I'd like to see either The Hardyz or the APA win, but hopefully, whoever wins
won't be a transitional champ to set up The Outhousers getting the belts.
5.WWF Women's Title: Jazz (c) vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus. Well, given what
I've read about how certain superstars affect TV ratings, Jazz will not be
walking out of the Skydome with the belt. Lita is the only one with both
talent and heat in this, so she should win. Given all the buildup about the
event being in Canada, you'd think that Trish would be walking out with the
belt. Hopefully, that won't happen. BTW, why _aren't_ Jacqueline, Ivory
and/or Molly involved in this? As with the Tag Title match, I hope the winner
of this isn't a transitional champ to set up Skankanie getting the belt again.
6.The Undertaker vs. Ric Flair. Well, this is an interesting situation.
You've got The Undertaker, who is undefeated at Wrestlemania, but hasn't been a
heel at WM since his match with Boss Man in 1999. Taker is again playing the
heel, beating up both Arn Anderson and Flair's idiot son David in order to get
Flair to agree to the match. It's such an odd contrast of styles that it's
hard to tell who will win. As big a fan I am of The Undertaker, I am also a
fan of the face getting the big blowoff win at Wrestlemania. The DeadMan's
legacy may have to end here in order for Flair to get revenge.
7.Steve Austin vs. The Drunk Guy. I hate Hall and would like nothing more than
for Austin to squash him, kill his heat, and force him out of wrestling
forever. I'm not much of an Austin fan anymore, but Scott Hall is a useless
piece of crap who doesn't deserve to be in the ring.
8.WWF Intercontinental Title: William Regal (c) vs. Rob Van Dam. See my
comments above about how this title has been rendered meaningless. Personally,
I can't stand either guy. Regal has all the talent in the world but has grown
lazy and never shows it. RVD is a pot-smoking, business-exposing, overrated,
ridiculous jackass with no real talent. He is to ECW what Hogan in the 80s was
to the WWF: A testimony to the power of personality to blind people to a
wrestler's actual limitations. This match is such a weird contrast in styles.
I can't see RVD lying down for the brass knuckles or Regal actually staying
down for the frogsplash. I'm predicting a screwjob of some sort, leading up to
RVD getting the belt Monday on Raw, and no one caring.
9.WWF World Title: Chris Jericho (c) vs. HHH. This match and Rock-Hogan are
"do-or-die" for the WWF. Either Vince is serious about keeping Jericho as
Champ and Rock as a top star, or he decides to flush it all away to create The
McMahon-Helmsley-NWO Regime. Jericho should keep the belt. As for Skankanie,
I have plans for her. Have Trish not win the Women's Title match (she doesn't
have to do the job, as long as she doesn't get the belt), then run in during
the match and strip Skankanie in order to salvage her face heat in her
hometown. The other WWF divas follow and we get a group beatdown on Skankanie.
10.The Rock vs. The Orange Goblin. Good grief, the WWF World Title match is
below this? As I said above, this is do-or-die for the WWF. Rock HAS to go
over clean here, no other finish is acceptable. What would be a better way for
The Rock to snap his WM losing streak, which goes back to 1999, than with a win
over one of the biggest names in wrestling history? Hogan is beyond washed-up.
He hasn't been washed-up since about 1992. He is just so old and tired and
useless
As I said in another post: Job out the NWO, kill their heat and fire them. We
don't need them.
"Whoo!"
Jason Kreitzer with Ivory and Beulah McGuillicutty
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