Fwd: kooks list
Andrew W. Beckwith
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To: ab...@andrew.cmu.edu
Subject: Re: kooks list
>moderator,
of netuse.alt.kooks
Moderator? I think someone's been pulling your leg ... but yes, I can send
you a copy of the Net.Legends FAQ. You're in there yourself, in a very short
entry, due to your, um, distinctive posting style...
Dave "here you go" DeLaney
This... is the Net.Legends FAQ. Due to minutes^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hweeks of
unrelenting plagiar^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hresearch, we have gathered together here
some descriptions of those net.phenomena that one hears about in passing,
and (due to the collective memory of the Net being about one week, maximum)
wishes one had more information about (such as "Who *was* McElwaine,
anyway, and *why* is he still being talked about?). What follows is a list
of some of the Legends of the Net, along with descriptions,
semi-explanations, and (in some cases) a parenthesized catchphrase for
easy identification... not all of the following are completely factual
entries: in some cases the true facts are known only to one person, or lost
in the mists of time, while in others the facts pale in relation to the
mythology. In any case, the actual facts included, sparse though they may be,
are true as far as I know; if you have evidence otherwise, please contact me
and *tell* me (a few people have contacted me and said "This is wrong!"
without actually saying *what* was wrong with it, which is of little
use...) (Note: "Myths" are used to refer to stories involving gods or
other supernatural beings; "legends" refer to stories involving humans that
could be true.) The FAQ in each case should be considered to be "Who or what
is ____ and where can I get some (no wait.. umm..) why should I know this?
(yeah, that's it)". The miniFAQs mentioned are available by anon-ftp (as is
this FAQ) to cathouse.org, the awesome AFU archive, under /pub/cathouse/urban.
legends/net.legends, and are mostly composed of representative posts... they
are also available by mosaic to http://enigma.phys.utk.edu, in my personal
page (click on UT Particle Theory Group at the bottom of the HomePage and then
on David DeLaney, middle of page). Both the FAQ and the miniFAQs are currently
available via anon-ftp from enigma.phys.utk.edu, in the pub directory and the
individual.FAQs subdirectory. Have Fun!
Disclaimer: *Since* these are in fact net.*legends*, no real attempt to verify
that these people actually do hold these opinions, exist at these addresses,
etc., has been made; in addition, much of this FAQ is in the form of, er,
"overheard" posts (fully credited at the end), to give some feel of what it
might be like to *have* heard a net.conversation about them, and to preserve
the "legend" style... If you have better info on any of these, see the last
bit of the FAQ (if you *are* any of these, and wish to correct some info, by
all means go ahead! Lewis Stiller did, and won a new updated entry! Dan Karnes
broke the chain, and 2 weeks later got exiled to news.admin.*...). Any attempt
to actually email any of these addresses may have results ranging from
complete silence to a perfectly normal conversation to mailbombing to
complaints to your sysadmin to sudden inclusion in a vast global conspiracy;
You Have Been Warned. Also, if you're one of the type who call up all the
phone numbers they see in movies (which is why the 555 exchange is universally
used in the USA now for these things ... but I digress) consider what it might
be like to have *your* name appear on one of these things... and wake up with
1,000 pieces of mail in your mailbx...
Latest Revision: 4/24/94
Net.Legends Roll Call:
----------------------
1.0 Let's start with the "good guys", chief amongst which is:
Kibo (You're allowed. -- K.):
Perhaps the single greatest hallmark of genius is to do something
blindingly obvious that noone else has ever done before. James "Kibo"
Parry, confronted with the vast reality of UseNet, decided to begin
`grep'ing his entire newsfeed for posts containing his middle monicker,
"Kibo", in order to look them over and see if they were worth replying
to. (Actually, he now uses `agrep', and I do not know if he started out on
`grep'.) As a result, any post mentioning Kibo became suddenly apt to generate
a followup from the Great One, or at least email from him. As his art was
refined, he started also grepping for "xvob" ("kibo" in rot13 encryption)
and anti-grepping for "ski boots", for obvious reasons (but not for
"kibosh"...). He has become a UseNet term, derived from this activity:
grepping your entire newsfeed is "kibozing", and one who does so is a
"kibozer" (or, depending on how you feel about them, a "kibozo"). Reference
has been seen on alt.folklore.computers to an operating system (not UNIX)
having to "kiboze its hard disk" to find files... He has his own newsgroup,
alt.religion.kibology, which is also his own religion (Kibo is a genuine
net.god, along with tale and Shub-Internet (q.v.)) where odd posts happen
(including regular postings from John_-_Winston (q.v.) and, formerly, Lewis
Stiller (q.v.)); alt.exploding.kibo, its counterpart alt.imploding.kibo, and
alt.politics.kibo also exist, at various levels of activity. Rec.kibo.hunting,
proposed by Joel Furr (q.v.), was never allowed into the RFD stage by tale
(q.v.)... Most people and subjects are Allowed to be posted about on a.r.k .
He has an imitator, xibo (q.v.); he has a dog, named Spot, who (along with
a few others - see "xibo") is Not Allowed. He has said that if he had a
personalized license plate, it would say LCNSPLT. He has what is probably
the canonical example of a supremely warlordable .signature; however, he
rarely uses it, preferring the terse " -- K.". Several other people
have adapted or re-invented his newsgrep technique for purposes of their
own, including Serdar Argic (q.v.); Larry Wall, the creator of the language
perl (who does it, using Perl, to answer Perl questions); Peter Trei (q.v.),
who greps for Freemasonry references, and Daniel J. Karnes (q.v.), who
apparently does it to inflict himself on newsgroups talking about him.
(Reportedly) the National Security Agency was doing it long before Kibo ever
thought of it, so watch out... If you have ever received email from Kibo, your
official Kibo number starts out as 1; if you have not received email from
anyone whose Kibo number is < n, but have received email from someone whose
Kibo # is n, then yours is n+1. Fractional Kibo numbers are imposters (i.e.,
ted frank (q.v.)); Kibo's own Kibo number is 0. Posts don't count for Kibo
number purposes, only email. (A few others have had Kibo number zero as well,
earned in various ways.) He's even been featured in a White Wolf gaming
supplement (for "Mage")... His titles include "Great Leader" and "He Who
Greps"; discussions about Kibo tend to attract his attention unless specific
precautions are taken (e.g.: Quibeau [since proven not to work]), and such
precautions, in general, don't last very long... Kibo has no real
"haunts" other than his group(s) and UseNet in general, but *does* read
alt.folklore.computers; HappyNet is ... not yet implemented.
Contrib. post:
> I do not read a.f.c any more that I read other groups; HappyNet is
> implemented, it's just that YOU'RE not connected to it because YOU have
> a wimpy site! a.r.k is just about the only group I read *all* the
> articles in, except maybe control. No, I'm kidding about control.
--
FAQs for a.r.k, Spot, and HappyNet are available, as well as an a.r.k IFAQ;
a.r.k is archived on world.std.com in /pub/alt.religion.kibology . Posts from
ki...@world.std.com (James "Kibo" Parry).
--
> Also posts from other places and names, but they're secret and you can't
> figure out where they are, la la la.
--
tale (... is an unmoderated newsgroup which passed its vote for creation
by ...):
David Lawrence spends time and energy selflessly to maintain order in the
news.* hierarchy. He moderates news.announce.newgroups, and has effectively
net.god status, in that sysadmins everywhere look for the tale seal of
approval on newgroups for the Big Seven hierarchies. Gods help us if he
ever has a stroke from holding in criticism of Dave Hayes (q.v.) too long.
A man who knows that silence is usually a *very* effective strategy; speaks
only when there's something important to say (entirely unlike the rest of
UseNet). Posts from ta...@ten.uu.net (David C Lawrence).
Spaf:
Closely related to tale, Gene Spafford compiled the non-bogus group lists;
his decisions had such influence across the net that, so the saying goes,
if a newgroup isn't "spaf", it won't be propagated. This issue came up in
the SF-reorganization flamewar, as well as in the much less noisy
rec.arts.anime reorganization, with regards to things such as fanfic groups,
which Spaf would presumably not permit. If there's an actual head of a
Net.Control.Cabal, Spaf was *it* (however, see UseNet Rule #0); he taught
them all they know and wrote many of the FAQs appearing in news.answers...
he's also known as "Emily Postnews". He also only did really useful important
things rather than nutty noticeable things, and thus tended to fade into the
UseNet background. Unfortunately, he seems to be more faded than usual these
days, and rumors that he has actually resigned in disgust (at the endlessness
of the task?) are somewhat common...
Peter and Stephanie da Silva:
Also in the category "do many many useful things for UseNet and get noticed
very little". Provide voices of reason on news.*. Peter apparently maintains
some of the Guidelines; Stephanie maintains the List of Publicly Accessible
Mailing Lists, and is one of the few people with the ability to slap Kibo on
the nose and get away with it... she also seems to have originated the "that
name is a crawling horror from the sewers of hell" Newsgroup Name Objection.
May be considered to be Cabal-members-if-there-actually-were-such-a-thing-as-
a-Cabal (again, see Rule #0). Stephanie posts as ari...@netcom.com, Peter as
pe...@nmti.com .
Ron "Asbestos" Dippold and the UVV (The Knights Who Say Ack!):
Contrib. post:
Since August of 1993, the USENET Volunteer Votetakers --- The Knights
Who Say Ack! --- have conducted polls for close to a gross of groups.
Co-ordinated by Ron Dippold, who has himself handled several dozen
proposals, they have provided a very valuable service to USENET by
bringing quality and consistency to a observably less than ideal group
creation process. They do their jobs with no compensation but the
feeling that they are contribution something positive to the network
news community. It's generally a job done without observable
gratitude, and I don't want it overlooked.
Knights, on behalf of myself and many group proponents, users and
administrators everywhere, I say thank you. Well done!
David Lawrence, moderator, news.announce.newgroups
--
Ron posts from rdip...@qualcomm.com (Ron "Asbestos" Dippold); votes taken
by the UVV usually are done from vot...@qualcomm.com; see also:
news.announce.newgroups ...
The Warlord:
The original owner of the sword that appears in .sig files all over
UseNet, in various forms. Left this plane long ago, but passed on his flame
of inquiry and satire to George McQuary (of the McQxxx four-line .sig limit),
who in turn shared it with the alt.fan.warlord Inner Circle. They've been
doling out said flame in drips and driblets ever since, whenever an
especially "warlordable" .sig comes along. So be good little .sig designers,
boys and girls, or you may find yourself suddenly transported to a.f.w and
mercilessly mocked, and possibly have your .sig even animate itself to
death. [I'm putting this under the "good guys" for a good reason, ok?] Does
not post himself; others do his work for him.
The UseNet Oracle:
Has its own groups, rec.humor.oracle and rec.humor.oracle.d . Will answer
questions if groveled to sufficiently. Querents are referred to the UseNet
Oracle FAQ.
Alt.fan.lemurs:
What can we say (besides Frink!)? Check out the Frinkquently Asked Questions,
in six parts; bring along your grape soda.
2.0 __________________________________________
That's the good news; now for the bad, odd, distinctive, and just plain
irreproducible (tm) news:
Robert E. McElwaine (UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this
IMPORTANT information is ENCOURAGED):
Contrib. post:
The nice thing about mcelwaine was that they acted as proxy for not just one
loon, but for every loon in the local galactic cluster. mcelwaine was sort of
a lightning rod for looniness, like some sort of device that tesla might have
dreamt up to concentrate and store the stuff. but frankly i stopped reading
mcelwaine's posts pretty quickly; it was all just too repetitive and too
pointless. but i never stopped reading those little one or two-line
introductions to the canned posts, tailored to each individual newsgroup,
explaining the reason for the cross-post. those were often priceless gems of
idiocy.
--
Ahhh, McElwaine. Fun fellow. Completely and utterly loony.
His site-imposed censorship was a blow to comedically inclined
physicists around the world.
--
Apparently lost his account for abusing net-access privileges; has not been
seen since...
B1FF (HEY D00DZ!1!! THIS IZ K()()L!!1!!):
extremely unorthodox (but somewhat consistent, and *easily* mimickable)
typography in his posts (ALL CAPS, I->1, O->0, E->3, etc.) "K00L, DUD3Z!",
plus much surfer-type slang. B1FF posts from a Commodore C-64, and is a Kool
Dude who Rilly Knows Net.Stuff. Has many imitators. Remembered semi-fondly by
millions. Had a girlfriend, Buffy (tee-hee! :-) :-) *giggle*! :-) :-) ),
who would probably blow Ray Depew's circuits permanently were she to appear
on afu... B1FF is *not* kibo, nor is kibo B1FF. Nu-uh. Nope. B1FF was last
seen proclaiming his new account, BIFF...@DELPHI.COM (and before that on
news.groups, quickly followed by buffy).
--
From the alt.religion.kibology FAQ: "WHO IS BIFF?"
BIFF IZ A REELY K00L D00D !!!!!!!!!!!!!1 HE P0STS 2 THE NET FR0M HIZ
BIG BROTHERS C-64 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 BIFF IS AWESUM
..........,,,,
"SAY, KIBO, ARE YOU RELATED TO BIFF?"
N0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"IS BIFF A KIBOLOGIST?"
Everyone's a Kibologist... whether they know it or not!
--
Contrib. post:
5> STOP OVER-BIFFING. BIFF is simply a YUNG D00D on his brother's
5> COMMODUR with poor spelling, grammar and typing skills. He is not
5> dyslexic. If i see someone use a 3 instead of an E in a BIFF post
5> i will claw my eyes out with a spork.
5> Don't overemote. Keep BIFF simple. He is a simple personality.
He used to be. But he got older and learned about RADIK()()L NEW
BBSES D00D WHERE EVERY 1 TALKS LIKE HIM!!!111
BUT THEY UZED 3 1NSTEAD 0F E!!111
THEY WER THE AWESUM K00L HAKERS AND B1FF WANTED S0 MUCH 2 B LIKE THEM!!!111
THEY HAD ALL THE LATEST WAREZ!!!11
S0 B1FF START3D T0 US3 3 INST3D 0F E CUZ ITZ WAY K00L3R!!!111
N0W B1FF IZ A WAY-K00L HAKER D()()D 2!!!!11111
WAY 2 G0 B1FF!!!1111
--
The true ID of the *original* B1FF is to be found in the Jargon File; ask
around on alt.folklore.computers if you have no clue where to find it.
Gary Stollman:
pursued by aliens; has not been seen in a while.
Contrib. posts:
I remember Stollman quite well. However, I never did save them [his posts]
since I thought he was going to be Eternal. At least until the Aliens
got me, at which point I wouldn't care.
He was manic, paranoiac, and a man of his convictions. I think he'd had
several convictions, though he was not guilty by reason of insanity...
--
I do have Gary Stollman's long life story somewhere -- the
highlight of this is how he realized that people were following him
when he started staring at this family he saw at a rest stop, and they
became so discomfited at his staring that they left! Imagine!
--
I remember Gary. I even flamed him once. It was kind of mean, it was
an indirect flame/rant about the lack of interesting nutcases (ie, Van
Gogh was a more interesting and creative mentally disturbed type of
person, you're no Van Gogh etc.)
He responded in his usual fashion. "No, it really did happen!" etc.
I feel pretty sorry for him really. I remember seeing the fake gun
holdup on TV. It surprised me that this guy had gotten net.access.
Mind you, it says a lot about some mental illnesses-- you can be
intelligent and yet totally unable to deal with one facet of reality.
--
Jack Schmidling (I will be arrested for refusing to buy Israeli oranges):
Contrib. post:
>Jack was never widely known was he? Certainly Jack would qualify for
>the Net.Legends list if he's posted all over the map. Did he?
He was pretty widely known in alt.revisionism; he used to post in a bunch of
other groups - the usual suspects for crossposts from AR: alt.activism,
alt.conspiracy, alt.activism.d, alt.discrimination, alt.censorship.
talk.politics.misc,misc.headlines,talk.politics.mideast,soc.culture.jewish...
(Contributor) thinks anybody who dares sign all their posts "ARF" in a group
scanned by the ZUMABOT qualifies for net.legend status.
--
Jack is the reason I stopped reading t.p.m. Well, one of the
reasons, anyway. It should be noted that Jack shows up in
rec.crafts.brewing, from time to time, and is reported to be just
as obnoxious there, but in a different way.
(A friend who graduated read rec.crafts.brewing often, and
mentioned Schmidling's presence. You'd have to check r.c.b to make sure.)
--
Schmidling mini-FAQ available, thanks to Ted Frank (q.v.). He's also one of the
few net.legends to have his video publicized by Garbage magazine, and to be
interviewed by the CBS news; had some odd ideas about lawns... Formerly
sometimes believed to actually be the same person as Dan Gannon (q.v.);
seems to have settled down a good bit recently. A miniFAQ of some former
posts is available.
L. Detweiler (you are all TENTACLES of the CYPHERpunk anarchoSYNDICALIST
pseudospoofing CONSPIRACY; everyone who contacts me via post or email is a
tentacle of a single Medusa):
All information relevant has been deleted (probably by the cypherpunk
pseudospoofers); ask around - old-timers can tell you about him, through
"safe" avenues (like email). Warning: attempting to disillusion him of
his theories usually results in threatening mail and getting incorporated
into said theories. Handle With Extreme Care. Appears occasionally on
the news.* hierarchy (for instance, news.admin.policy), crossposted to hell
and back. Author of the Internet Anonymity FAQ and the InterNet Writer
Resource Guide, pre-legendary status...
Contrib. post:
>I think this article was some sort of satire but I fell asleep on
>the spacebar and, ya know, I just don't get it. Anyone care to boil it
>down to a sentence or two?
Yes. L. Detweiler, the guy who posts as an12070, and who also posts
(now less frequently) under his own account
"ld23...@longs.lance.colostate.edu", is a paranoid psychotic (or
someone doing a good parody of one) who believes there is a nationwide
conspiracy out to get him, said conspiracy consisting of almost every
prominent cryptographer on the net. He periodically rants against this
conspiracy. He makes lots of extremely bizarre claims, such as stating
that every person posting articles saying he's nuts is in fact a
pseudonym of the great conpiratorial group. He's pretty much
ignorable, although he has sent death threats to a large number of
people that some have taken seriously.
--
...This *may* all be a "front"; he comes across as relatively sane in
email (just don't mention Nick Szabo or Tim C. May...). There's really no
way to tell, which may actually be the point of all this... Was peculiarly
insistent on wanting to become the poster of *this* FAQ as well (to the
point of my having to tell the news.answers team "Don't post this unless I
send it to you"...). Posts as ld231782@<various>.lance.colostate.edu (L.
Detweiler) and an1...@anon.penet.fi (various constantly-changing identities)
- this last address has been disabled by the anon server's sysadmin, and has
been proven to be him on several different occasions, although he was hiding
it fiercely for a time... his Colorado address has gone also (2/94), according
to the sysadmin; this impending loss apparently prompted the Blacknet notices.
Abian (IMAGINATION IS THE ESSENCE THE REST ARE DETAILS - I deserve a Nobel
prize for this):
hangs out in the sci.* hierarchy, as in sci.physics . "NASA's exclusive
goal, ambition and aim must be the reorbiting Venus [into Earth's orbit]
by the year 2004. Otherwise NASA will lose its viability. That wee should
not permit ! never ! never !" Is convinced that altering Earth's orbit
and tilt is the only way to cure humanity of its evil deviance; puts subject
lines in ALL CAPS. In Real Life tm, is a retired tenured math professor at a
Iowa State U. A miniFAQ of Abian, critiqued MST3K style, is available.
Contrib. post:
>Abian [from his .sig]:
>``TIME HAS INERTIA. EQUIVALENCE OF TIME AND MASS: (1/T)+(1/log M) = 1 (ABIAN).
Isn't that how time flies or crawls? Certainly you've seen this effect around
the beginning and ending of your workdays/weeks, people!
> ALTER EARTH'S ORBIT AND TILT - STOP EPIDEMICS OF CANCER, CHOLERA, AIDS, ETC.
Well, if you knock Earth out of orbit, the sky's the limit. (Although it
would be a darn shame if I couldn't spend a comfortable retirement in Florida
that's pending for me in, ohh, 2035?)
> VENUS MUST BE GIVEN A NEAR EARTH-LIKE ORBIT TO BECOME A BORN AGAIN EARTH''
Nevermind. I should take up horticulture while I can...
>-- "waiting for the tag-team match:
> Marilyn Vos Savant & Robert McElwaine vs.
> Alexander Abian & Ludwig Plutonium"
Hmm...those team-ups could be destructive could they? (I'd prefer an
ABIAN/MCELWAINE vs. Sagan/Plutonium match.)
--
> I read an interesting short article in Omni a few years back. Some
> scientist (don't remember who) suggested that earth's environment could be
> improved by nuking the moon.
>I think I read it -- or at least something similar.
Aiee. How Soon They Forget (tm).
The "scientist" in question was/is none other than Alexander Abian.
Yes, he may have moved on to "reorbiting Venus to make it a born-again
Earth", but he began on a smaller scale, closer to home.
--
...you forgot to mention that you can also find
Dr. Abian's work in the Weekly World News from time to time. Yes, the
bastion of supermarket journalism has indeed employed our own Dr.
Abian for what nefarious purposes I can not remember. But ooh, it was a doozy!
--
Posts as ab...@iastate.edu (Alexander Abian).
Serdar Argic (What a bunch of turkeys):
Common monickers: zumaBOT, "that d*mn*d turkey". Greps for "turkey" much
as kibo greps for "kibo", and follows up to many appearances thereof
with long rants about Armenian genocide as practiced on Turks (or was
it vice-versa?), which bear little if any relevance to the original post
other than (usually) quoting a line or two out of it. Will happily follow up
to Ken Arromdee's Stuffed/Leftover Turkey .sig bait... Usually crossposts
to hell and back, also. Widely believed to have been a script for
auto-posting for Some Time Now. Can be sighted on soc.culture.turkey and
alt.revisionism, usually. If you really wanted to. His sysadmin has been
talked at, and is *not* cooperative in the least with the wishes of the
rest of UseNet that Serdar get a real life. Believed to have formerly
posted under the name Hasan Mutlu; see FAQ mentioned below. Other names
sometimes associated with it are Joachim Mattillo/Ilan Rabinowitz/Supric
Gupta/Ahmet Cosar (sp?). One "Suha Artun", whose path also goes through
anatolia.org, ("anatolia" apparently translates to "Turkey", by the way) has
shown up on soc.history doing the same thing (xpost, Armenia, etc.) (2/94),
and a Mr. RooT from anatolia has shown up to protest the group alt.cancel.bots,
formed specially to carry cancel messages for the 'bot (subscribe if you
want to automatically not see the bot's posts at your site), in news.admin.* .
Does not answer posts directly; cannot be e-mailed to (although Cosar can be;
see the miniFAQ). Bleah. May actually be a small group of people who have
taken over maintenance of the posting script. Representative quote: "There are
now none left of the 2.5 million Turks slaughtered by Armenians in the early
years of this century" or some similar combination of templates/words to that
effect. Because this FAQ includes the word "turkey", it may well be
followed-up to if it's ever posted, although cross-posting to a moderated group
may slow it down a bit. Minifaqs with a bit of info are available, as well as
the alt.fan.serdar-argic FAQ. One note: as far as anyone who's read history can
tell, the Turks slaughtered the Armenians, directly contrary to this entity's
multitudinous claims... Has recently (2/94) claimed to have virtual lawyers,
quoting their success record; possibly rented them from John Palmer (q.v.). Can
be emailed to at cosa...@gold.tc.umn.edu (Ahmed Cosar); be warned that *any*
mail to this address earns you a threatening email to your sysadmin complaining
of harassment... A person from anatolia (*not* "Mr. RooT") recently (2/94)
showed up on news.admin.* asking how to set up mail maps; this may be a sign
that mail to zuma.UUCP may actually start going somewhere (bit-bucket, most
likely). Posts from se...@zuma.UUCP (Serdar Argic).
Jack Sarfatti:
Posts long strange posts on physics, consciousness, and metaphysics, many
of which do not make much sense to practitioners of the above fields.
Crossposts to hell and back. Can be seen in the sci.* groups and
alt.consciousness. A small collection of posts is available.
Contrib. post:
Jack Sarfatti is a physicist who posts on sci.physics.
He believes in faster-than-light communication through quantum effects
and backwards-in-time communication due to the existence of advanced
solutions of wave equations (which exist mathematically, but.... it's a
long story). I post to sci.physics a lot as well, and used to take him
to task for various errors, and finally he got so annoyed at me he wrote
letters to me, the chair of my department, and a dean, threatening to
sue me for libel. He has done similar things to a number of people. I
am not immensely fond of him, so I was amused when Kibo picked up on a
recent post of Sarfatti's in which he mentioned the notion of "beables"
as an alternative to the usual concept of "observables." Since then
"beables" have become a bit of a fad; over on alt.sex there are now some
people under the impression that "beabling" is some sort of vile act
people do while watching X-rated movies, etc. etc.. One has to read
alt.kibology to get the total picture.
--
Has written to at least one poster's dean and dept. chair, complaining about
their sense of humor in posting that the 4 moderators of sci.physics were
pretending to be Abian, Plutonium, Hannu and Sarfatti in order to drive folks
to sci.physics.research, leading the chair to start asking (in jest) in the
halls "Did you know <poster> was a vicious clown?"... Used to tell people
Murray Gell-Mann found his ideas interesting; someone finally checked with
Gell-Mann - and found the complete quote was "Your ideas are interesting, but
[looking at watch] I'm late for an appointment." Posts from
sarf...@netcom.com (Jack Sarfatti).
Hannu Poropudas (Wanna see gifs of my daughter's theories?):
Posts theories about space potatoes, made up of combinations of positive-
and negative-matter neutrinos, in sevens, to the sci.* hierarchy
(sci.physics). Somewhat entertaining. Had a leave of absence, due to his
sysadmin responding to protests about his changing his userid with every
post so people couldn't killfile him; lost more credibility when he
revealed that the official-looking name he kept referencing was in
actuality his wee daughter, to whom much of this information had come in
the form of dreams. Is currently being "harrassed" by Ludwig Plutonium
(q.v.), who has decided Abian is an AI experiment. Posts as
hapo...@freenet.hut.fi (Hannu Poropudas).
Dan Gannon (Let me explain by reposting the *same* Holocaust-was-fake
trash; I didn't write this, I just scanned it in. And you are all VILE
LITTLE LIARS for saying so! don't forget my high IQ and my theory of the
universe having 23 - nope, wait a minute, make that 25-dimensions):
The original "let's post Nazi revisionist junk to UseNet in quantity and
never reply to debunking, except by reposting the same trash" geek. Has
occasionally *tried* to answer posts debunking his anti-Holocaust views; is
normally not very successful, and quickly goes back to crossposting his
articles to hell and back, followed by the self-appointed Dan Gannon
Cleanup Crew, who spend selflessly of their time and effort debunking
Dan *every* time (Dan posts to soc.college, as far as anyone can tell,
in order that maybe just *one* of his multiplicities of posts will catch
some uninformed person's eye and fool them into believing his articles...
similarly for the other, ever-changing newsgroups on his Newsgroups:
line. One is reminded of the IHR people who attempted to take out ads in
college newspapers across the USA, succeeding once [I believe]).
Alt.revisionism created mainly to have some place to redirect followups from
the cleanup crew; most soc.history readers have killfiles because of him and
Serdar. Soc.history.moderated's creation also mainly motivated by him and
Serdar... Runs a BBS in Portland, OR that is known for attracting neo-nazi
punks of various varieties. A mini-faq of gannon rebutting this entry, and
several others rebutting Gannon, is available; eerily reminiscent of the "main
event", without the negative connotations thereof... Has posted as "Ralph
Winston", "Maynard", "Pete Faust", and "Foxy Roxy" in the past.
Contrib. post:
>I'm new to this thread and don't know who Gannon is or what he is famous or
>infamous for. Can someone give me a clue?? Why is what he posts considered
>drivel?? --KAC
In a nutshell:
Gannon and the now dissolved organization he patsies for, the IHR,
maintain the following thesis:
1. No Jew, Gypsy or other person was purposely killed as part of a
national policy by the Nazi govt during WWII.
2. That there certainly were no mass killing operations, no gas chambers,
no gas vans, no mass executions in Nazi Germany during the period 1933-1945.
For example, they completely deny things like the Einsatzgruppen who
wandered the countryside in Eastern Europe executing Jews and others,
and certainly deny events like Babi Yar. How over 30,000 bodies got
into the same ravine, dead, in a few days is to them merely one of
life's great mysteries, perhaps they all tripped and fell...
3. They assert that the massive deaths in concentration camps and
similar both did not occur (e.g. all the Jews and Gypsies actually ran
off to the USSR and lived happily ever after), and that they were the
fault of the Allies, particularly the US, UK and USSR.
See, their theory is that it was Allied bombing that caused food
shortages, typhus, perhaps the noise made SS guards' guns go off into
lined up prisoner's backs, it's hard to know. But it was all the
Allies' fault, they're guilty of all the supposed Nazi war crimes. And
no one died anyhow. How this happened years before any bombing of Nazi
territory occurred is never quite explained.
4. Gannon and the IHR are closely allied with bona-fide Nazis and
white extremist and virulent anti-semitic individuals and organizations.
For example, when Gannon is not busy claiming contradictory rewrites
of history he is often found typing in long tirades about how the Jews
are responsible for every conceivable evil that's occurred in western
history, including but not limited to the souring of milk and rain at
picnics. Seriously, it's your typical jews control the banks, jews
control the media, jews control all major western govts, etc. type of
rants. Some of the folks he likes to quote have written such notable
works as "The Hitler We Loved and Why". He's also promoted the typical
"Blacks have smaller brains than Whites" kind of garbage.
There's more, but that should be enough for anyone who isn't two tacos
short of a combo plate.
--
Formerly posted as
dga...@teleport.com (Dan Gannon). Recently (12/93) started posting again
from may...@banished.uucp, then dga...@banished.com, apparently from having
lost the teleport account after request-bombing one Holocaust information
server...
Flash! Update! Dateline: 3/4/94. Netcom.com (through which banished.com
feeds) has apparently given Dan an ultimatum - that in the future he may
only post to the following newsgroups through them:
alt.revisionism, talk.politics.misc, soc.culture.german, soc.culture.jewish,
soc.rights.human, alt.discrimination, alt.conspiracy, alt.illuminati,
alt.individualism, alt.mindcontrol, alt.politics.correct, alt.politics.reform,
alt.censorship (copied from a "Goodbye!" post Dan made on soc.history)...
Dan *specifically* tells us netcom.com has forbidden him to post to
(or to post revisionist stuff to - he's not clear on this)
soc.history, soc.history.moderated [actually, this is somewhat redundant],
talk.politics.mideast, alt.activism, alt.society.civil-liberties,
alt.society.civil-liberty, sci.skeptic, soc.culture.europe,
soc.culture.austria,
soc.culture.polish, soc.culture.soviet, soc.culture.usa, soc.politics,
soc.veterans, soc.answers, alt.society.civil-disob, alt.society.revolution,
alt.society.etrnl.vigilanc, alt.politics.usa.misc, alt.politics.libertarian,
alt.politics.reform, alt.politics.media, alt.cabal, alt.journalism.criticism,
alt.extropians.forbidden.topics, alt.flame.dan.gannon.nazi.scum [Note:
I am NOT a Nazi!!!] (says Dan), alt.society.resistance,
--- And EVERY OTHER NEWSGROUP as well! --- (says Dan).
This has been a News Minute...
Riley G. Mat(t)hews:
Collated from various people:
>Oh, who was that ex-NYC cop over in sci.skeptic a few months ago who was
>offering to use his psychic powers to fix the Mars orbiter and the Hubble
>telescope? ...
Riley, alias Riley G., alias The Thin Blue Line, alias Riley G. Mathews.
Proper skeptics (or, as Riley liked to call them, septics) never were
convinced he actually *was* an ex-NYC cop. ... can't remember
whether or not he posted from DELPHI.
--
Ah, yes, "Riley G". Although one of my personal favorites, especially
after Bob Ingria over on sci.skeptic challenged him to give Bob's personal
information and Riley got it *all* wrong, Riley is rather new, doesn't
cross-post into places like rec.gardens, and disappeared during ("my good
friend") Uri Geller's recent tour, so is mostly unknown.
--
Ahh yes! Riley. Most of the sci.skeptic people ended up calling him Rile E
Coyote, I think. He sounded like he must have gotten his brain from Acme,
that's for sure. He used to post letters ostensibly from The Amazing Randi
and then flame, flame, flame away about them (the letters certainly sounded
like Randi might have written most of them -- they certainly took Riley
apart. Why Riley posted stuff against his own position just so he could
make (badly written!) retorts to them in public is a bit confusing to me...).
--
Has reappeared; was pleasant for a bit, then returned to flamebait...
May be posting from psi...@pipeline.com (Riley G).
Ted Frank: (What's this about James "Trashcan" Kirk?)
Alt.folklore.urban has *no* loons. Really. An a.f.u "old hat", ted
is considered the master of the "trolling" post - one with deliberate
misinformation inserted in order to stir up endless followups from unwary
people. Generally crossposts, as a clue, to alt.ted.frank.troll.troll.troll -
but so *many* people ignore the Newsgroups: and Followups: lines. ted (along
with most of the rest of afu) regrets ever reviving the Monty-Hall-gives-a-
Chevy-Nova-to-Winston-Churchill thread ("1/2!" "No, you idiot, 2/3!") that
in 11/93 took over for a time a.f.u, rec.arts.startrek.misc, alt.sex.bondage,
alt.fan.hofstadter, soc.culture.british, alt.(fan?.)rush-limbaugh, and maybe
another I'm forgetting; when that finally died down, a "Robbie the Robot"
thread was spawned from it with one simple touch from his newsposter - from a
*.sig* reference. Kibo (q.v.) is also an acknowledged trolling expert. Hangs
out in a.f.u and misc.legal a lot; also soc.college, denigrating fraternities
(or possibly just those who inhabit them). A perennial high-number-of-posts
stat-list inhabiter. Posts as th...@kimbark.uchicago.edu (Ted Frank).
snopes and Lasner (Paul is dead!) (The sixties started in 149^H^H942!):
Okay, I lied: afu *does* have a loon. However, in typical afu fashion,
our one recurrent loon is made up of two posters, who are rather harmless
when separated, but who attain critical posting-mass when both have net
access simultaneously... A.f.u veterans will recall the definitive refutation
of the Beatles' "Paul is dead" troll/myth by snopes, the incredible tenacity
of Lasner (even when massively proven wrong), and the amazing amounts of
cross-sniping between the two. Also the flamewars that erupted over the
UL Uncle Don/"That oughta hold the little bastards"... neither one admitted
to thinking it actually happened - but the fallout from snopes' trying to
deny Don ever existed and Lasner's arguing that he in fact had was vast...
Contrib. post:
Charles isn't a bad person, except for a few annoying traits. Unfortunately,
each of those traits has led to incredibly long flame wars because he will
never, ever, ever admit he was wrong or allow a subject to drop. Those
traits are:
1. Thinks that PDP-8s are the pinacle of computing technology, and will flame
anybody who thinks that C or C++ on a modern computer is better than
assembler on a PDP-8.
2. Thinks that decades begin and end when he declares them to have begun or
ended. I think he decided on this stance after he said that "The Battle of
New Orleans" song came out in the 60s. When somebody pointed out that it was
released in 1958, rather than admitting his mistake, he redefined the 60s.
Unfortunately, snopes will also not let the famous "snopes vs. Lasner" flame
wars drop, so I usually end up dropping both of them in my kill file for a
month or so when these things crop up.
--
Lasner, for instance, has strong feelings about "Strawberry Fields Forever".
--
Post as {sno...@netcom.com | vacs...@vax.csun.edu} (snopes) (real name: David
P. Mikkelson) and c...@maestro.maestro.com (Charles Lasner).
Ludwig Plutonium (This newsgroup is contained inside a plutonium electron):
A classic crackpot (in the scientific sense). Believes that the element
plutonium has a special significance in the universe, as well as existing
as one atom at the center of his brain. Floats around the sci.* hierarchy,
(sci.physics, sci.physics.fusion, sci.math) as well as (sometimes)
alt.religion.kibology. Kibo (q.v.) is rumored to have an archive of his
songs on science-type subjects set to popular tunes and carols. Can prove
or disprove any unsolved mathematical theorem in a matter of weeks, using
q-adic numbers (*don't* ask). Entertaining, once you get used to his style;
his songs are actually singable (although I wouldn't really want to try).
Currently set against both Abian *and* Hannu (q.v.)... Is apparently
employed as a dish washer, and has recently limited himself to 3 posts per
day to the Net; is slowly posting "Ludwig Plutonium, the Chosen One" to his
newsgroup (alt.sci.physics.plutonium). Posts as Ludwig.P...@dartmouth.edu
(Ludwig Plutonium).
Ted Holden:
Contrib. post:
Has Ted Holden got net access back yet? He lost it when someone on
talk.origins figured out that he didn't actually work for the site he
was posting through, and informed them of it. For those unacquainted
with the Tedster, his hobby-horses were:
1) Immanuel Velikovsky (_Worlds_in_Collision_) knows more astrophysics
than all astronomers put together. God has been playing billiards
with the solar system during the last few millenia.
2) The ADA language sucks.
What really set Ted apart was the invective he indulged in against
those who asked him to provide any scientific evidence for his claims
(well, actually, mostly just #1, there was some sympathy for his views
on #2), and the tired list of "astronomer jokes" he used to post.
--
Ted only got boring once you realized he has a loop time of
about 6-12 months. Up until then he was quite a hoot.
--
The good folks on t.o. tell the sad tale that Ted lost his newsfeed a couple
of months ago, when the company from which he was posting discovered he had
been using their site, even though they had never heard of him! Now that Ted
has to pay for net access, he apparently has no desire to post mega-messages
anymore.
--
however, just to tide you over,
I'll point out that the inimitable Ted Holden is definitely back on the
net and is quite definitely posting the same huge reams of "arguments"
that he's been posting for years (still without modification or response
to the counter-arguments) and has recently declared total victory over
talk.origins because few people bothered to respond to all the "arguments"
in his n-th reposting of his proof that Venus had was recently ejected
from Jupiter, leaving that big red spot behind as evidence.
However, no critique of Holden, the man, would be complete without an
examination of his own considerable programming talents, as demonstrated
in this truly impressive bit of code that he actually had published as
part of an article in support of Velikovsky's theories:
<begin included text>
Newsgroups: talk.origins
From: p...@csis.dit.csiro.au (Peter Lamb)
Subject: Re: Holden and the C programming language
Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1992 23:40:20 GMT
Actually, feel compelled to encourage Ted in his efforts to improve
his programming style. The program which he posted and has had criticised
in this thread is a *vast* improvement to what he had published in
Aeon 2(4), p115.
---------------begin Ted code; indenting per original---------------
#include <stdio.h>
#include <math.h>
int i,j,k,l;
long ii,jj,kk;
double a,b,c,aa,bb,cc,dd;
double x,y,z,xx,yy,zz;
main()
{
xx = 550;
while(xx > 1)
{ printf("\n num of args was %d\n", ii);
exit();
}
xx=jj; yy=kk;
zz=pow(xx,.666);
aa=yy/zz;
printf(\n\n ratio = %f\n", aa);
}
---------------end Ted code---------------
The while loop in this program continues to fascinate me.
<end included text>
Something like this, you can imagine, would have been far more difficult
to program in Ada....
--
Shub-Internet: The lurking horror at the bottom of the TCP-IP protocol;
where the bits go after they hit the bitbucket. *Don't* call it up if you're
not *sure* you can put it down again... Last seen (1/94) giggling from
orion.*.edu, having swallowed Clarence Thomas IV's brain; before that, sighted
on rec.arts.sf.starwars (12/7/93) [Dick Depew (q.v.), oddly enough, was a great
help in stemming that outburst]. (I know there's more, but my backups seem
to have evaporated...)
Contrib. post:
ObUL: .sigs over ten lines will awaken Shub-Internet.
--
Daniel Drucker (14 Year Old Learning-Curve Wizard):
Contrib. post:
In 1992, Danny Drucker appeared on several newsgroups [for ~3-4 weeks],
alt.folklore.computers especially, with a signature that called himself a
"14 Year Old Networks Wizard". However, by his behaviour and general
cluelessness, it would be difficult to call him "larval stage", never mind
"wizard". When he got roundly flamed over that, he changed it to "C and
Lisp Wizard", and promptly demonstrated just how little he knew on either
of those topics. His sig mututated to several other "14 year old xxxx
wizard" variants. As well as the self-proclaimed "wizard" title, he
always had eminently warlordable signatures - and the worst thing was
that they promised to add his ham packet radio id later, as if this sig
really needed something extra to make it just that much more terrible.
I think he eventually got the hint and stopped calling himself a "wizard",
but not before the phrase "14 year old xxxx wizard" became a catch phrase
on alt.fan.warlord and several other places. (Like all catch phrases, it
had its lifetime, and now it's over, ok?)
--
He's still around; quieter, but there. Has either calmed down or grown up
a good deal; got clued in *real* fast - with, um, legendary speed, one might
say. Posts from xy...@panix.com (Daniel Drucker). Finger him to find where to
see his old .plan (warning: long and cliched; his current one's nice).
John_-_Winston (Dear People Who Breath Air: ):
Believes semi-passionately in alien visitors and UFOs; hangs out at those
newsgroups a lot in consequence thereof, as well as sci.skeptic. This in
itself would not distinguish him, but he frequently crossposts
"interesting" articles into alt.religion.kibology, in the teeth of He Who
Greps. This if nothing else qualifies him for "legendary" status. Likes
(or believes!) the X-Files for some reason.
--
From the a.r.k FAQ: "IS JOHN_-_WINSTON SERIOUS? AND WHAT'S WITH THE `_-_'?"
I'd like to answer that question in two parts. First, John_-_ is a
perfectly normal alt.religion.kibology household word. And second, the _-_
is actually a single letter in Chippewa meaning, approximately, "sideways
schwa". How this relates contextually to the information he posts about
UFOs is something only the Reptoids from Behind The Green Galaxy can tell us.
--
Posts from John_-_...@cup.portal.com .
Dave Hayes (Impeach the Net.Cabal!; Ignore it, it'll go away on its own):
Self-proclaimed news.* (news.groups in particular) "Biggest Clown". Delights
in arguing with people over details there, apparently mostly for the
entertainment value. Has stretched several recent threads there beyond
all logic. Claims to have reasons for everything he does, and to be
speaking for all the "little people" of UseNet who do not, cannot, or
will not speak for themselves, leading to someone's coining the phrase
"This is UseNet. Speak up for yourself or Dave Hayes will speak for you...".
Has been awfully quiet recently (1/93); may be Up To Something [returned
as of 4/93, espousing the Advanced form of the "Hit the `n' key if you don't
like it" Philosophy]. Posts from JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratories), as
da...@elxr.jpl.nasa.gov (Dave Hayes).
Dick Depew (ARMM! ARMM!! ARMM!!!):
Long-lost twin brother of the intelligent and articulate Ray Depew, who's not
paying me one cent for those adjectives (AFU Official Ex-Executioner: *no*
smileys!) Showed up first in the sci.* hierarchy, but is now most common
on news.* . Notable chiefly for his insistence that his plan (ARMM) for
moderation by forge-cancellation of people's posts, without their permission,
is a valid, necessary, and logical addition to UseNet. Version one
malfunctioned when tested (3/30/93), causing a massive newspost/cancel loop
(it was cancelling its own cancels, as near as I can make out) which caused
general hysterical laughter from those who knew what was going on, as well
as the usual predictions of the imminent death of UseNet (q.v.). Briefly
espoused a "tit-for-two-tats" version and the newgrouping by Joel Furr (q.v.)
of alt.fan.dick-depew (which is *not* retromoderated by Dick, despite
frequent claims by him to the contrary...). Was helpful recently in
cancelling the rec.arts.sf.starwars 16+Megabyte UseNet "burp", which tied up
traffic for half a day in 12/93. Also notable for his theory that off-charter
postings are uncivil and therefore deserve to be "moderated" out of
existence. Uses the term "supersedes" instead of "cancels" to refer to
his scheme, generally. Has had trouble in the past with RFCs -822 and -1036.
"Now he lives off his new-found fame, kibozing the Net for `ARMM' and revelling
in immortality by monumental error." More info is available in the Anonymity
On The Internet FAQ (which, oddly enough, is by a pre-legendary-status L.
Detweiler (q.v.)...). Had a medium-size heart attack in 1/94, but (against
doctor's orders to not do anything stressful) returned to net.debate soon
after.
Contrib. post:
>P.S. are you considering taking on the task of ARMM archivist?
No, Dick, I'm not. I'm actually still of the opinion that you're a
dangerous loon who should be locked up in a small steel box and put in a
room with Tim Pierce.
P.S. ARMM!
--
Posts from r...@redpoll.mrfs.oh.us (Richard E. Depew).
John Palmer (Another FORGERY!!!; I'm outa here for good and this group is
toast):
Has his own alt.fan. group. And his own FAQ (which nobody can apparently
locate at the moment). Associated off and on with Rabbit.Net (currently up);
names his computers after the Thundercats. Perenially in trouble with
Michigan net-routing people for forging map address entries for tygra. Has
his own stable of virtual lawyers, constantly on the go (which can be seen
only by the pure of heart), at least one of whom is named Mr. Stechschulte;
has his own special epithet ("asshole"). Is the victim of many, many forged
postings doing nasty things with rmgroups and newgroups, all of which are
shrouded in mysterious circumstances, and all of which were confirmed at first
by other forged postings purporting to be from him. He's never (curiously)
taken advantage of PGP to verify which of these postings are actually from
him... His last known exploit resulted in the twilight existence of
alt.tv.tiny-toon.sex, against determined rmgrouping by other admins (who were
chiefly incensed because John's "discussion" seemed to have taken place on an
other-dimensional net)... Currently has reappeared, claiming never to have
left or been "no longer employed by" RabbitNet after all, and has started up
an automatic repeated rmgrouping of alt.fan.john-palmer, which in consequence
has gotten a lot *busier* (maybe he should be newgrouping it instead?) Ask
over there about the "Mortimer Bomb"... Posts from uuh...@rabbit.net and
@tygra.com, among (many) others.
Bruce Becker:
Sysadmin reportedly somewhere in Canada who takes many rmgroups for alt.*
that reach his site, forges them (under assumed names) into newgroups for
the same groups, and sends them out again, ensuring the effective
immortality of anything in the alt.* hierarchy. Widely cordially disliked,
and responsible (with his imitators) for many of the trash newsgroups that
infest alt.* to this day. His newgroups are recognizable from
...!feline!halt!... in their path somewhere. Reported to have been responsible
for the whole series of "Copyright violations" description lines in the
alt.binaries.pictures.* groups... Was absent between October 1993 and March
1994; no such forged newgroups were reported during that time, except
for one in 1/94 (for alt.binaries.games.vga-planets) which was rather more
clueless than usual Becker forges, and was probably from an imitator...
GTS.ORG is a site registered to Bruce Becker in Toronto, along with several
others according to rs.internic.net, and visitors to the city have said that
there is a Bruce Becker in the phone book there... is this the real Bruce?
Who knows?
Laurence Godfrey:
Found on soc.culture.canada and soc.culture.british.
Contrib. post:
For the uniniated, Laurence Godfrey is a british scientist who worked in
Canada until he quit after a dispute with his boss (he is currently suing
his former employers). Since that time, Godfrey has taken to posting on
soc.culture.canada with insulting comments about Canada and canadians in
general. Needless to say, he has generated a lot of flames.
A few months back, several people posted comments to the effect that he
was fired from his canadian job. "Libel!" cried Godfrey! Surprisingly, as
of about a week ago (12/93), Godfrey claimed to have won out of court
settlements from the academic institutions that these people attended. In
the last few days, the thread has spiralled out of control - people
doubting his claim (particularly the aspect of suing people in Canada from
a British court) have called him a liar. His response to these people has
been along the lines of: you'd better be careful what you say or: I am
taking the necessary steps to deal with this person - basically implying
that he will take legal action. A popular reply to this has been that
Godfrey is purposely attracting "libelous" flames in order to make a
quick buck.
--
He vehemently loathes Canada and anything Canadian. Or German. But he's not
racist (he married a Thai); he came to hate most foreigners after a great
deal of thought. He also loves suing, and is perpetually threatening to sue
for libel over the net. Look for his posts in soc.culture.british (or
don't), and there was even at least one issue of the Godfrey Gazette
containing some of his more xenophobic comments.
>this might sound like a rather minor net.loon...
Well, apart from his disturbing ability to capitalize correctly (they're the
most dangerous ones), he does have all the correct attributes.
--
John Palmer (q.v.) has a stable of virtual lawyers, but this appears to be
looniness of an entirely different order... Has been fairly quiet about the
legal threats since 12/93; claims to have served someone with a High Writ
just before Xmas. Posts from s0...@exnet.com (L Godfrey).
David Sternlight:
Contrib. post:
I second. David is one of the insidious ones, because he can spell and
write. But he's terribly dishonest (or a GREAT troller). Every now and
then, someone will post something saying "I don't always agree with David
[who does?], but his posts always seem to make sense". I suspect they
either don't understand the subject matter, they don't like flames (get
off usenet NOW), or they're just loony lurkers.
--
David would need to be added based in his lifetime of work, not a single
rant (although I could probably dig one up if I needed). This contrasts
with the Dan Gannon ilk whose every sentence screams "I'M A LOON!".
David has been kind enough to keep from proliferating too far across the
net. He tends to stick to the crypto groups and has what I would call a
sick obsession with other people using pgp (he doesn't like it).
--
There's David Sternlight, who seems to get his jollies by presenting his
own agenda while ripping up or dismissing out of hand everyone _else's_
positions on topics in comp.org.eff.talk, then getting bent out of shape
when people start slapping him down, so he declares that he's making his
last post to this group, so any snappy comebacks are pointless because he
won't see them -- and then begins posting again within a week. I think
he's up to his third or fourth "I'm leaving this newsgroup forever"
message now, and there was another posting from him this morning in
comp.org.eff.talk.
--
Clearly your counting abilities are not very well; you have lost count ;-).
--
[He is widely believed on those groups to be working for the government, and
trying to encourage use of the Clipper encryption chip, and to discourage PGP
because the US govt. can't break it.]
Lewis Stiller ("Examine frames XXX through YYY of Aliens to see that..."):
Alien aficionado who was known for idiosyncratic cinematic analyses
and obscure---some say idiotic---posts. Crossposted to alt.religion.kibology
and rec.arts.sf.movies, semi-incessantly (he flooded a.r.k for about two weeks
with Alien posts and then dropped to `normal' (for a.r.k) posting
frequency and subjects - but often xposted to r.a.sf.m, causing some
interesting followup chains...). When posting on subjects other than
Aliens, was
entertaining to read - sample quotations: "About an ai, an anoa, and an eft?",
"Pan-and-scan: what's the point?", "Higgledy-Piggledy / Kibo Ubiquitous, /
Greps for his name in the / Happynet spool. // Interdimensional / Cyberspace
deity: / Didaktyliaios / Dada is cool.". He has been Not Allowed (by Kibo) to
post about laserdiscs to a.r.k for a while until he fulfils some Kibo-imposed
condition which I (and he) disremember, possibly related to Terminator... and
has nearly ceased posting altogether, about the time the first version of this
FAQ came out... he says it's because he's too busy. We'll miss him.
--
Entertaining and totally non-serious (come *on*... Argic self-aware? it
is to laugh!) quote: "Well, maybe Terminator 3: Usenet becomes Skynet is a
bit of a stretch, but Terminator 3: Internet becomes Skynet could be a
reasonable plot. And what with the rtm worm, the increasing Net connectivity,
the .mil sites...I can see it. Like, what would happen if Serdar Argic became
self-aware?" [tying together the Imminent Death of UseNet perennial
threads, which were then focussing on Delphi, with then-current speculation
on the plot of T3...]
--
Contrib. post:
As another nominee for the latter category, I offer for your
consideration Lewis Stiller, ALIENS aficionado, who singlehandedly
triggered and sustained a flamewar which must have doubled the volume
of rec.arts.sf.movies. Stiller tried to get an official net-vote to
have ALIEN^3 removed from the list of Alien movies, and argued his
points in all areas with a precision grasp of the Alien movies only
possible to someone with an LD player and WAY too much time on his hands.
--
Lewis says the correct terminology is "ALIEN aficionado", please. Save
this post; Sea Wasp is not *factually* incorrect that often... Lewis held an
unofficial (official? on Usenet? Hee hee) rec.art.sf.movies vote to
determine whether Alien fans consider Alien 3 canonical, i.e., part of the
Alien/Aliens series. After long, vociferous and acrimonious debate a bare
majority of those responding (24-22) voted that Alien 3 should not be
considered part of the canon. Highlights of the flamewar included detailed
frame-by-frame analyses of key scenes in Alien which Stiller used to support
his position, and his fanatical insistence that pan-and-scan VHS was an
inappropriate way to watch Alien because pan-and-scan destroys Scott's
wide-screen compositions and the rhythm of his editing. Hey, everybody's
got to have a hobby... Posts as sti...@rhombus.cs.jhu.edu (Lewis Stiller).
Pat Townson (UseNet is a cesspool, a dungheap):
Moderator of comp.dcom.telecom, alias the Telecom Mailing List/Digest
(gatewayed). Known mainly for his commentary added, seemingly at random,
to the ends of posts - that is, up until John Higdon, and others,
proposed another, unmoderated, telecom group, to be called
comp.dcom.telecom.tech; got *way* over-worked-up on this issue. Had a
personal vendetta against Higdon - accused him of owing him thousands of $,
wrecking his net.livelihood, etc. The first vote failed; much of the blame
for this was laid at Pat's feet for allowing only negative commentary (except
for one special issue of the Digest [which {I disrecall} may actually have
only appeared *after* the first vote]) to appear in the group and for sending
out a special mailing, to the list, urging people to vote against the group's
creation on rather specious grounds. Negative votes poured in from list people
- but only *after* said mailing. The vote failed the 2/3-YES test (but not
the >100 test). The allegations of irregularity finally moved tale (q.v.) to
waive the normal six-month waiting period. The second vote was marked by
even *more* of a flamewar (although not up to the standards of the
soc.culture.tibet/talk.politics.tibet flamewar, and of less volume than
the rec.food.veg "discussion") in news.groups, and passed resoundingly;
shortly after, Pat made some final scathing comments in news.groups
(including a threat to start a group sounding remarkably like the present
FAQ) and cut off the gatewaying of the mailing list to UseNet. Has since
restarted the Digest's feed (*possibly* motivated by Joel Furr's (q.v.)
generous offer to take over the moderation of c.d.t); all has been relatively
quiet since 12/93...
Daniel J. Karnes (None of you guys have phased me even for a minute):
In the same tradition; seen periodically on a.p.h, attempting to ridicule
arguments against bigotry and usually winding up showing how little he knows
on the subject. His sig read at one point "Infinitely inconclusive", which
many people think applies to his usual "arguments" quite well. Has missed,
somehow, learning that quantity of posting does not correlate with quality
thereof. One of his aliases may be "Artimus Page", who posts radical-right
anti-homosexual tracts from time to time from a bogus address at Yale,
claims to have a "cure" for homosexuality and a clinic at which it's
implemented, and who seems to be present only when Dan is on-net... many people
argue against this on the grounds that Dan couldn't keep from wisecracks long
enough to post "Artimus Page"'s tracts (which isn't true, as Dan *can* write
well when he bothers to - see below), and "Artimus" never responded directly
to people... Netcom knows about Dan, and is watching to see if he oversteps
himself... Also seen on the other gay groups occasionally; gets shunned on
soc.motss, and leaves quickly because of it; apparently in it solely for the
attention he gets from gay people, which makes one wonder severely... Has
claimed outright to kiboze, apparently for his name and/or initials in various
forms (which is why certain groups warn new people "don't say That Name again,
please, or he'll show up again and we'll all have to start our killfiles up
again"); has also claimed to rarely call people names. Also seen frequently on
ca.earthquakes, where he reportedly has something of a reputation as well. Once
(shortly after his first wife left him) forged a post to
news.announce.important asking that anybody who saw her get in touch with him;
I suppose it *was* important to him...
--
Contrib. post:
Strikingly, no one that I've noticed has nominated Daniel J. Karnes as
a net.butterfly (in the sense of "small thing one wishes were easily
torn apart", perhaps). Maybe it's because he's been away. But he's
back. Here's an extract from one of his recent posts, detailing his
own assessments of his accomplishments last time around...
>Actually, I "accomplished" quite a lot... Thus:
>1) I got two hundred queers to go buy Bibles - and READ them.
>2) I exposed the little "nice guy" facades that you guys put on
>as the bullshit those of us with thinking minds know them to be.
>3) I demonstrated the mental illness rampant in gay circles by
>facilitating situations in which some really sick people dropped
>their guards and demonstrated symptoms of their sickness publicly.
>4) I exposed dozens of pedophilic gays for what they were by their
>own admissions.
>5) I thoroughly enjoyed myself. :)
--
Danny has taken against this FAQ entry for some reason, and has threatened to
borrow John Palmer's virtual lawyers, saying it's "slanderous" (hint: look
up slander sometime) and defames his reputation, without actually giving any
details to ye olde FAQ-writer on *why* he thinks this or what exactly he
doesn't like, and going so far as to bother yoF-w's sysadmins about it; his
version of what it ought to read like is as follows (note that this by itself
doesn't really tell one why he's widely known on UseNet, or most of the
interesting details):
-----begin Karnes-----
The problem I have with my entry in this "FAQ" is that most of it is simply
just not true, and the rest is nothing but propaganda from the net.queer
element that reeks up certain parts of USENET. Reading this, I find that
almost all of it conforms nicely to the "model" that net.queers try to paste
on anyone that opposes them, but very little of it is based on fact. (quite
typical of homosexuals)
Please remove my entry from your FAQ - or allow it to be revised so that
more TRUTH is presented.
Like this:
------------------------------------
Daniel J. Karnes
Or "djk" as he is known on computer systems around the world has been
a part of the internet since it's early days. At first, he was confined
to posting to "relative" newsgroups and sending private email through
a numbered account in a large corporate machine. Djk found true freedom
when he was one of the first users on one of the first commercial public
access UNIX systems when the internet was opened up to non-governmental
or academic users in the early 1990's.
Djk works in the telecommunications industry as an engineer and manager,
and possesses a rare blend of hardware and software skills that make him
a technical power to be reckoned with.
Early in his net.carreer, djk noticed a strong homosexual element present
on the net, and being a member of a very large Traditional Values group,
decided to watch them closely. It did not take much time for djk to become
outraged by the activities of net.queers who seemed to think that the net
was their own private playground. Djk began his very controversial postings
to the gay groups as an effort to undermine the efforts of net.queers who
were operating with gang-like organization against anyone who opposed them.
Djk can stand firm against hundreds of opponents and his name strikes fear
into the hearts of most homosexuals on the net.
djk posts as d...@netcom.com and operates TASP.NET as a private access UNIX
system from his home.
------------------------------------
There! Now THAT is more accurate!
-djk
-----end Karnes-----
I might add that, contrary to his usual one-liner posting style, Dan *can*
compose long rational pieces of prose like the above, given time, but
apparently does not think it worth the effort to do so in almost all of his
UseNet posts. A minifaq is also available with some interesting Dan posts
and email, to/from myself and sysadmins.
Posts as d...@netcom.com (Daniel J. Karnes).
Not all of the net.legends are people - or even human. Therefore, viola (tm):
3.0 ------------------------------------ Stupid Net Tricks:
Dave Rhodes and MAKE.MONEY.FAST:
In every Paradise there is at least one fatal flaw. In every mail system,
there is sooner or later a chain letter. UseNet, luckily, seems to have
been adopted by only one such - but it pops up in more places and faster
than kudzu, and is about as hard to kill completely. Actually, nobody
currently knows much about Dave Rhodes (but see below) - except that he
wrote the template for the first MAKE.MONEY.FAST pyramid scheme. His
name and address have long since fallen off the top of any of the current
copies... There is something of a miniFAQ available on this post. Advice
to new netters panting to try it out and make $50,000 in an afternoon: I
can tell you right now what you're gonna get - an extremely full emailbox,
a ticked-off sysadmin (because your emailbox is full of letter bombs from
irate UseNetters who snapped at seeing this cr*p in their newsgroups for
the fifth time in two weeks, and because several thousand
*un*snapped-as-yet UseNetters email her directly saying "Talk to this kid;
it's illegal, a waste of time, and annoying), and a rapidly-vanishing
UseNet access (wave bye-bye to it for a looooong time, if you're not
lucky...). The letter itself says it's legal, you say? It's lying; it's
known as a Ponzi or pyramid scheme, and is wire fraud for *sending* the
letter, *and* postal fraud for receiving any of the money thru the U.S.
Mail (can you say Federal Case, boys'n'girls?)... And you *have* to leave
a trail directly to yourself, name and address - or else it *can't* work
(hee hee)... Save yourself the grief: just say NO to Dave.Rhodes . Recently
voted number one on list of people *every* UseNetter would like to see
die an excruciatingly slow and painful death. If we're lucky, it does
not get posted at all (for a day or two).
This just in: (Contrib. post:)
Dave Rhodes was a student at Columbia Union College in Takoma Park, MD.
This is a Seventh Day Adventist college. The posting machine was !cucstud,
aka Columbia Union College, Student. It passed news upstream to uunet.
Cucstud was a 3B2, and there were two or three more. Note this predated
the widespread usage of the pseudodomain of { }.UUCP, and I don't recall
if the site was ever so named.
Needless to say, Leroy Cain, the sysadm, was not amused. This posting was
made in 1987-1988, sometime just after the infamous jj@portal one, and
his incoming mail queue was impressive.
I do not know if Leroy took the matter to the Dean of Students, but do
know he posted an apology, and ensured that Dave would not be doing that
again, at least at THAT site.
As for why I had an account on cucstud, and knew Leroy, when my only
connection was that I caught a bus to work in front of the place every
morning; that's a different story........
--
I like what Dogbert had to say about chain letters:
"Don't you think that for your first crime you shouldn't attach your name and
address and mail it to several thousand strangers?"
--
Alt.adjective.noun.verb.verb.verb:
Alt.* ... is a sewer. Thanks to Bruce Becker (q.v.) and others like him,
there are literally thousands of odd, little-known, poorly-propagated alt.*
groups, many newgrouped as a whim of someone's. The canonical first on the
list in this category (and the most widely (?) respected) is
alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork (newgroup claimed by Jeff Vogel), for speaking
in Mock Swedish and discussing chickee recipees. This spawned, thru the
intervention of Shub-Internet (q.v.), alt.tv.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die,
alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die, sci.edward.teller.boom.boom.boom,
alt.lawyers.sue.sue.sue, alt.minsky.meme.meme.meme,
alt.music.enya.puke.puke.puke (and of course the infamous
alt.music.enya.puke.puke.pukeSender:, missing <return> and all) as well as
alt.ted.frank.troll.troll.troll ... all of which are effectively immortal.
INN apparently now has a "kill-the-chefs" option which sends newsgroups of the
form alt.foo.bar.baz.baz.baz to the bitbucket... Also infamous: .cabal, which
broke news software far and wide (due to no-one having imagined anyone would
create a newsgroup starting with "."...). The moral of the story? First: read
*all* the newsgroup description lines. Then: read the alt.config FAQ. Only
after *that* should you even *think* of discussing a new alt.* group (on
alt.config, of course).
"Can you take a moment to fill out this survey?"/"Do my homework for me,
mister man?"/"Please email me, as I don't read this group":
This sort of stuff recurs quite frequently, and is usually a result of low
familiarity with UseNet. Try not to do it yourself. Surveys actually do
have a place - but not the ones that seem to think they're doing you a
favor by letting you contribute to their Important Research... "Please
email me, as I *can't* read this group", on the other hand, is quite
acceptable, as is "Please email me; I'll post a summary of the responses".
"Will you icky queers kindly take your pictures/GIFs/discussions/proposals
OUT of our nice shiny clean newsgroup!":
Sigh. There will always be people who have *no* idea that ideas different
from theirs exist - until they get to UseNet, where *anyone* can speak up
at *any* time. Quote: "It's UseNet, get used to it." Prevalent on the
erotica and sex groups; usually seen proposing that the group be *split*
into sections - what a *marvelous* idea - why hasn't *anyone* ever thought
of it before? Tend to leave quickly, under the dark cloud produced by the
flames. Canonical recent example: stx1606 (q.v.).
Clueless newbies:
Everyone has been a newcomer at one point or another. Thus the term
"newbie". It's not derogatory, and it's an easily-curable condition - for
most people. The rest tend to become known as "clueless newbies". The
only known treatment for such is repeated force-feeding of clues.
Sometimes this doesn't work... If someone *does* give you advice on
the net, it never hurts to think about it for a second. Canonical recent
example: the alt.christnet (q.v.) fiasco.
Death of UseNet/Internet predicted:
People panic easily, it seems; any time there's a new development leading
to expansion of the net, someone's sure to bring up its humble origins and
the fact that it was never designed in the first place to be anything like
what it's grown into today. This invariably leads to someone else
predicting "imminent death of UseNet; film/GIFs/JPEGs/animated ASCII
art/SIRDS/Claymation/etc. at 11" (old news joke). Basically, it's gonna
take a *lot* of shit to break the net, as it is today (even Dick Depew
(q.v.) didn't manage it (yet...)), although it can be staggered some,
or slowed down for a bit... meanwhile, it keeps right on growing, and the
next crisis is always Just Around the Corner (tm). The net *was*, after all,
designed to keep functioning after an all-out nuclear war...
.sig viruses:
First there were .sigs; next, the Warlord (q.v.); then came .sig viruses.
The simplest (and probably first) was "Hi, I'm a .sig virus; copy me into
yours and join the fun!". This, rather predictably, mutated into dozens of
non-compatible versions; most .sigs can only hold one or so (Kibo's is, as
usual, an exception; a 1000-plus-line .sig has room for *everything*!). A
particularly strange turn was taken on a.f.u in late 1993, when Vicki
Robinson, relative newbie, innocently proclaimed "But I'm not in anyone's
.sig". A.f.u being what it is, this appeared in someone else's .sig almost
immediately, (Jason R. Heimbaugh claims this distinction, and is keeping
both the .sig collection and the FAQ) and quickly spread to cover nearly
the entire a.f.u community of posters; it has been sighted as far away as
news.* . There is a Vicki Robinson sig-virus FAQ; refer to it for more
details on chronology, varieties (this .sig virus mutates MUCH faster than
normal), etc. Vicki's own .sig now contains mentions of her .sig virus in
other people's .sigs (a meta-virus)... "welcome to afu. Here's your
accordion" sums it up best, I guess. A Vicki virus in your .sig is not
*required* for a.f.u posters (indeed, Joel Furr (q.v.) has recently
denounced the practice, saying essentially "get a life"... and has ended up
in Vicki's .sig, and others, as a result)... but viruses *are* contagious.
Crossposted to *.test:
A variation on "crossposted to alt.hell and back"; see Gannon, Argic,
etc. A news.admin.misc post suggested that this practice (which gives
unsuspecting followers-up a deluge of autoreplies from newsdaemons
worldwide) originated with Carasso (q.v.) in the late 80s. I have
no further information on its history. Moral: *Always* check your
Newsgroups: line...
And the sequel, "Posted separately to every newsgroup you can find":
No, you're not the first person to think of it. Unfortunately, you
won't be the last, either. As the net grows, and the number of new users
grows, however, each incidence of this is a little worse than the last;
at the moment we have in net.memory Laurence Canter and his law firm^H^H^H^H
^H^H^H^Hwife Siegel [Green Cards and Spam! I do not like it, Sam I Am!] (who
have been kicked off *four* separate services for mass postings of a
misleading "Green Card" ad) and Clarence Thomas IV, who mass-posted
a two-page note about the end of the world ("JESUS IS COMING SOON")
after the California quake from a Seventh-Day Adventist college somewhere.
"Cross-posted to 2000 different newsgroups" has also been thought of;
this will quite probably break people's newsreaders all over the place
due to line length considerations. Either of these is about the only
thing that's not actually illegal that you can easily do which will
piss off your admins *and* the net worse than posting Make.Money.Fast (q.v.);
don't even think about going down in net.history like this, kids. Can
you say "25,000 pieces of email in your mailbx"? Can you say "Kicked off
your account faster than you can spell an1...@anon.penet.fi"? I knew
you could...
Hitler, Nazis, nazis, and net.cops:
Warning: now that this FAQ has mentioned Hitler and Nazis, UseNet Rule #4
(also known as Godwin's Rule, after Mike Godwin of the EFF, sci.crypt, and
comp.org.eff.talk, a sometime foe of David Sternlight (q.v.)) says it
will be coming to an irrelevant and off-topic end soon. Just as there
will always be newbies ("It's *always* September, *somewhere* on the net"
- response to the recent wave of delphi.com postings on a.f.u), there will
always be people who see the net and are repulsed because there's stuff
there they don't want to see - so they set out to make sure noone else
can, either. They invariably fail, because there are no net.cops to
enforce any such rules on UseNet; in the course of the heated flamewar
that usually follows, things escalate until either Hitler or Nazis (or
both) put in an appearance, at which point the thread has officially
lost all relevance; people scream at each other a bit more, then give
up and go home. Bleah. "Keep your brains up top; don't be a net.cop."
This has mutated, in true UseNet fashion, to encompass *any* continuing
thread; if you mention Hitler or Nazis out of the blue, the thread is
sure to die irrelevantly soon... and every continuing thread on UseNet
*must* contain such a reference sooner or later. Invoking Rule #4 deliberately,
however, is doomed to failure (Quirk's Exception)...
UseNet Rules #n:
No firm info at the present time is available on just what the other UseNet
Rules #n are. However, at a guess, they include:
--
Rule #nonumber: There are no hard-and-fast Rules on UseNet, only Guidelines,
which are more or less strictly enforced (and differ) from group to group;
this is why it's generally wise to read any group for a bit before ever
posting to it.
Rule #0: *There* *is* *no* *C*b*l*. There *is*, however, a net-wide
conspiracy designed solely to lead Dave Hayes (q.v.) to believe that there
is a C*b*l.
Corollary: *There* *are* *no* *pods*.
Rule #9: It's *always* September, *somewhere* on the Net.
Rule #17: Go not to UseNet for counsel, for they will say both `No' and
`Yes' and `Try another newsgroup'.
Rule #2 (John Gilmore): "The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes
around it."
Rule #108 (from the soc.motss FAQ): "What will happen to me if I read
soc.motss?" "In general, nothing. (You may be informed or infuriated, of
course; but that's a standard Usenet hazard.)"
Rule #666: Old alt groups never die. They don't fade away nicely, either.
Rule #7-B: There is no topic so thoroughly covered that noone will ever
bring it up again.
Rule #90120: Applying your standards to someone else's post *will* result
in a flamewar.
Rule #1: Spellling and grammer counts. So do grace, wit, and a sense of
humor (the latter two are different), as well as a willingness to meet
odd people, but these are lesser considerations.
Rule #x^2: FAQs are asked frequently. Get used to them.
Rule #29: no rational discourse can happen in a thread cross-posted to
more than two newsgroups.
rule #6 (Eddie Saxe): don't post to misc.test unless you understand the
consequences.
Rule #547 (Arne Adolfsen): When people know they're wrong they resort to ad
hominems.
Rule #37 (Faisal Nameer Jawdat): Read the thread from the beginning, or else.
Rule #5 (Reimer's Reason): Nobody ever ignores what they should ignore on
Usenet.
Rule $19.99 (Brad `Squid' Shapcott): The Internet *isn't* *free*. It just has
an economy that makes no sense to capitalism.
And for completeness' sake:
Rule #4: (Godwin's Rule) Any off-topic mention of Hitler or Nazis will cause
the thread it is mentioned in to an irrelevant and off-topic end very soon;
every thread on UseNet has a constantly-increasing probability to contain
such a mention.
Quirk's Exception: Invoking Rule #4 deliberately, however, is doomed to
failure.
Case's Corollary: If the subject is Heinlein or homosexuality, the
probability of a Hitler/Nazi comparison being made becomes equal to one.
`Rap is not music' (and other predictable flamewars):
Contrib. post:
In the list of non-human net.legends, I think the `Rap is not music'
meta-thread deserves a mention. This turns up every month or two in
some music group, and is distinguished by being even more predictable
than the average recurring net.thread. It's become a crowd
participation event to chant along with the newbie following the
script until he gets to the point where he (never seen a woman do it)
volunteers to write a rap 'cos its so easy and disapears in a puff of
embarassment.
--
Note that almost every newsgroup will have a Flamewar that Will Not Die (or
two) lurking somewhere in the background - but that these flamewars are
usually pretty well confined to the one newsgroup simply through
specialization, so I'm not gonna even try to include most of them here...
4.0 ______________________________________________
Lesser Lights (Honorable Mention): not all of these are loons (many are quite
sane), but all are notable in more than one group to some degree, or notorious
in one group. There are *far* too many odd people on the net to mention all of
them, or even a fraction thereof; these are some of the ones that have stuck in
*other* peoples' minds as ... distinctive.
"Red-Headed Goddess":
Contrib. post:
I still want to nominate at least in lesser Loon status the
"Red-Headed Goddess" that I saw on a.a.v and occasionally on sci.skeptic.
Doesn't anyone but me remember her? She was able to post the most
absolutely LOVELY gems of New-Age crossed with 1920's space-opera physics
which she used to combat spoilsports like me who might inquire as to how
intelligent life could exist on Venus. Her retorts were works of art,
saddened by our unenlightened state, filled with "different vibrational
states in the ether" and other buzzwords of poetic yet senseless nature.
--
Steven Fordyce (Deer are for dinner) and his ilk:
Dedicated to proving that homosexuals should not be allowed to marry,
because marriage is based solely on the possibility of reproduction and
the needs of the government. He and several others like him fight a
losing battle daily in alt.politics.homosexuality and
alt.(fan.)rush-limbaugh, usually simultaneously (UseNet makes strange
bed-fellows...). Is currently several thousand points behind solely on
style and grace, not even mentioning logic; is seemingly not capable
of altering his worldview. Has admitted he did not marry his wife for love,
and doesn't seem to understand *why* this spurs his debating opponents on...
Posts from ste...@bug.UUCP (Steven R Fordyce).
Ted Kaldis (I can't understand why anyone should think I'm a "gay-basher"):
Contrib. post:
"Christian" homophobe. Most famous for the "tire iron incident", in
which he lent his tire iron to some friends so that they could use it
to bash some men at a gay bar. He bragged about this in alt.flame,
then subsequently claimed he had had no idea what was going on.
Supposedly nothing came of the incident; the police turned up or something.
Believes that nobody outside the USA may comment on anything to do
with the USA. Particularly hates Canadians who have the temerity to
comment on US issues.
Sexist, racist and misogynist to boot. Posted an article which listed
(mostly obscene) slang terms for Asian women, and seemed surprised when he
got flamed for it. Seems woefully unaware of his own reputation.
Choice quotes:
- - - cut here - - -
c...@modernlvr.wpd.sgi.com (C J Silverio) writes:
> [...] With a name like Valerie or Sally or Trixie, a woman on the net
> is in for it.
"Trixie" is a name for a female dog. (The four-legged variety.)
> [...] You get Ted Kaldis responding to your posts with heavy-footed
> witticism about "feminine logic being an oxymoron." [...]
Darling, you're just wound a little too tight. And I know exactly
what'll loosen you up.
- - - cut here - - -
- - - cut here - - -
cra...@optilink.UUCP (Clayton Cramer) writes:
> I've seen ads in the Sonoma State Star (SSU's student newspaper), that
> specified that a gay employee was required for a graphics advertising
> position with one of the gay resorts on the Russian River.
Well they shouldn't have any trouble finding one! I worked in the ad
industry for over a decade, and I can tell you for a fact that homo's
seem to proliferate that industry. My best explanation is that they
live in a fantasy world anyway (pretending that aberrant behavior is
normal) and because of this they are drawn to a profession where an
active imagination takes precedence over practical reality.
- - - cut here - - -
"If a man has sex with men, he's a homosexual -- and by definition is
exhibiting a hate for humanity; if he carves them up afterwards, he is
a homosexual who carries out his hate for humanity to the ultimate
degree. [...] It is only to the depraved that the act of buggery
represents an expression of affection."
"Lesbian: a poorly-socialized female who is unable to enter into or
maintain a relationship with a man, and who thus resorts to engaging
in perverse sexual acts with other females."
"I have the necessary qualifications to speak on behalf of Jesus."
"That's easy. This is yet another example of feminine "logic" (truly
an oxymoron if ever there was one)."
"These kinds of remarks are wholly inappropriate and are the mark of a bigot."
"I can't understand why anyone should think I'm a "gay-basher"."
> I am surprised (and probably shouldn't be) that Ted Kaldis is still around.
No you shouldn't.
> Did he ever get his tire iron back?
No. I had to go to the junkyard and pay a buck to get another one.
--
Actually lucid for posts at a time, which puts him in the Sternlight category.
--
He, of course, euphemistically referred to [the tire-iron incident] as
"scaring some homosexuals".
T*d once titled a post "SHUT UP CANADIAN AGITATOR!" for no good reason on
(get this) soc.culture.canada.
You're [also] forgetting his exceedingly pedantic harping about spelling
mistakes, his claims he would vacation in Colorado because of the passing of
Proposition 2 and his claims that he would move to Louisiana because they
passed stringent anti-abortion laws.
--
And his proud boast that he was moving to California to get a 6-figure
salary. Never happened, what a surprise.
And the time he bragged about his programming expertise, and proved it
by producing a version of bubble sort which he had coded in uncommented
8086 assembler "for maximum speed and efficiency".
--
Posts as kaldis@{remus|romulus}.rutgers.edu (Theodore A. Kaldis).
Mikhail Zeleny (That goes completely against the categorical imperative!):
Russian philosopher wanna-be; *his* objection to homosexuality (yes, I know
I have about six in a row here, but *honestly*, it's one of the big nut-
subjects, no pun intended, on the Net...) seems to be purely abstract: he
can't imagine Kant (I think) approving of it, thinks it rules out reproduction,
and so tries to show that it's metaphysically bankrupt. Seen on several
different groups; try soc.culture.soviet ...
Contrib. post:
Michael Zeleny pops up all over the place. His kink is to post
unbelievably long messages full of philosophical verbage which
generally boil down to no content. His only `interesting' opinion is
that homosexuality is immoral because it (in some way he can't define)
precludes reproduction. Maybe he thinks the net will need more newbies
in 18 years time.
--
"No content" is a little strong, but it is clear that he's arguing
for the sheer love of long pointless arguments. The last time
I saw him drift into a real group, the first followup (from
someone himself prone to long, relatively opaque and pedantic posts)
was started with a warning that most people in the group should
probably just ignore him and save the grief.
Cameron Laird's beautiful summary of a few USEnet groups mentioned him:
>>I think of it as a party held in very very large house. In one room people
>>are drinking espresso and discussing translations of Rilke, while in another
>>they're sucking nitrous out of a garbage bag and setting fire to a couch.
>rec.arts.books: drinking espresso, and watching
> M. Zeleny burn translations of Rilke.
--
I think it would be fun to include an example of Zeleny's attempts at
humor. Seeing Zeleny try to tell a joke is like watching Miss Manners try
to limbo; you know it is not going to be done well, but it is amusing to
see it attempted. There was a really good one on rec.arts.books about a
week and a half ago; too bad I didn't archive it.
Shall we start an Urban Legend saying that Zeleny is the same guy as
"Fans-to-blow-toxic-waste-into-Latvia" Zhirinovsky? Or maybe he's the
lost Russian twin of Dieter on the SNL "Shprockets" skits? ("The
categorical imperative does not allow negative statements. So you see
your attempts at humor are futile.")
--
Zeleny will do anything for posterity. For some articles he wrote last
October in a.p.h, he put the expiration date to be Dec 31, 1999.
--
Posts as
magoo/Gary Landers (The Great Gary L.)/The Bard, and other
prepubescents everywhere:
Generally following the same pattern: flame and run away, or flame and stick
around and never reply sensibly to anything... A hazard of day-to-day
lurking/posting on the gay or bi groups... The particular multi-handled
person mentioned above seems to grow a new "handle" after each retreat...
however, The Bard (at least) has recently revealed that his (?) brother
died of AIDS (or suicide, or gay-bashing; his stories aren't particularly
consistent)... and consequently his posts take on an entirely different
(and tragic) dimension *if* this brother and his unfortunate demise are in
fact real... The Bard posted from the...@char.vnet.net, now from
the...@jabba.cybernetics.net, and has recently confirmed being Gary;
Gary Landers posted from scoo...@access.digex.net .
Keith Cochran ("Justified and Ancient"):
A counterpart to the above several. On the seek-out-the-fundies-and-dissect-
their-arguments-gleefully side; seems to twist threads to abortion a lot...
Has been sniping at the alt.christnet (later christnet.*) groups a lot lately.
Posts as kcoc...@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Keith "Justified And Ancient" Cochran).
xibo (You're allowed. NOT! --X.):
Kibo imitator. Sean "Xibo" Coates. Further deponent knoweth not. Also
existent: Scott "~ibo" Ramming, Jeremy "formerly FORMER OS/2ibo" Reimer, Rich
"mcmxciibo" Holmes (q.v.), Andrew "znribo" (varying pronunciations) Hime
(who reposts interesting-to-him stuff in alt.cosuard), Anthony "SCHWAibo"
Hobbs, Magnus "!kibo" Y Alvestad, Bill Marcum "beableibo", Headless "James
`Kibo' Parry" Chicken, possibly Rachel J. "asciibo" Perkins (opinions are
divided). Also, very subtly, playing off Kibo's font fondness, 5150.
--
From the alt.religion.kibology FAQ:
"IS KIBO RELATED TO XIBO?"
No.
"WHAT'S A XIBO?"
A bad bozo, who isn't allowed.
"WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT XIBO?"
I could if I wanted to. See, I'm allowed to. Xibo isn't allowed. As
the saying goes, "You're allowed, unless you're Harry, Glass, Xibo,
Spot, Sandro Wallach, Noah Friedman (after midnight), Jay Paul Chawla,
or especially Patrick L. Obo."
[Note late addition:
"I do believe that [Andrew Beckwith (q.v.)] was never allowed, under the
doctrine which clearly states the rules:
8.1.3a (617) People whose identity-fields formatted as standardized
spec K112-41/J positive-match the regexp '^ANDREW B*$' shall have their
allowedness status classified below level 'ALLOWED' but above level
'LEVEL BELOW NOT ALLOWED'. Identity-fields matching '^ANDY B*$' will be
assigned allowedness levels on a case-by-case basis, the processing of
which may only be expedited if the user comes through with the dough.
-- K."]
"WHO'S XIBO?"
A very bad bozo, who still isn't allowed, no matter how much he whines
about it.
"WHERE'S XIBO?"
Sittin' in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere .plans for nobody.
"WHY IS XIBO SO FAR AWAY FROM KIBO?"
Because they're on opposite sides of the real world.
--
Contrib. post: (from Kibo)
When Sean "Xibo" Coates visited Boston a couple years back, he took the
MTA, and I can prove it--there's no MTA here any more because Xibo took
it. Xibo is evil! In a good way, though.
Scott "~ibo" Ramming has been formulating a secret plan to rename the
MBTA to the META for some time, which would allow the trains to emply
"fuzzy" logic so that any train could stop at any station at any time,
even ones that hadn't yet been built. I prefer this to A. J. Deutsch's
"Subway Named Moebius" concept, in which one simply writes a short story
about London subways and then changes all the station names to Boston
ones randomly when reprinting the story so that key action occurs in
nonexistent places.
--
Dan Gannon (q.v.) has followers and imitators:
--
Hermann: Net-pseudonym of Milton John Kleim, Jr. Posts as
her...@TIGGER.STCLOUD.MSUS.EDU; also seen on alt.skinheads, along with:
--
Pendragon (White Pride! White Power!): posts from delphi.com. Sigh.
--
Vitaca Milut (Pronounced: Vitacha Milut) and Zeljko Jericevic: are
attempting to link Serbo-Croatia with various Nazi war horrors. Newcomers
(as of 12/93); Vitaca is posting from an1...@anon.penet.fi and Zeljko
from uwaterloo.
--
Martin S. Singleton (Lots of people suffer in wars- so what if Jews do too):
another rabid anti-Semite... from alt.revisionism. Quote:
>What is so special about Jews that when they die like other people
there has to
>be SUCH A BIG UPROAR ABOUT IT?
>I've never heard any Jews bemoaning the plight of the complete extermination-
>in the most grisly ways of perfectly peaceful people, like cutting off there
>hands and feet and roasting them slowly over hot coals- of the Pygmy
>population of Tasmania in the nineteenth century.
>What about what the Jews are doing to the Palestinians? Do you think
they like
>to be tortured in the Isreali [sic] prisons and jails with no due process of
>law, of which you profess yourself a proponent, while at the same time you are
>probably a duel [sic] citizen of Isreal and the US?
>Stop harassing me, you wolf in a sheep's pelt pulled tightly around you while
>you lie in wait for your prey.
Another quote:
>Why don't you filthy swine stop tormenting me with your libel? Now even that
>'ole "Nazi"-hunter, Ken Mcvay, is assaulting me with his propagandized lies.
>Stop bludgeoning me with your hollow-cause.
>Fortunately help is on its way. To the Fourth Reich: if you need more raw
>material for heavy industry, try South Afrika. How about Oberkommando von
>Kalifornia?
>Les rad, these mongrels are getting on my nerve.
>World War III will save the human race from America and the Jews.
>Hooray for the Great German Nation!!!!
--
Posts as mar...@rahul.net (Martin S. Singleton).
Marc Barrett (that guy in comp.amiga.sys.advocacy):
spins tales of doom, trashes Amigas. His answer to every question is "Throw
your Amigas and DOS machines away and buy a MAC" but doesn't own a machine.
--
"I refuse to acknowlege the existance of the Mac vs. MS-DOS, VMS vs. UNIX,
and Amiga vs. Everyone flamers."
---Bill "final authority on Loons" VanHorne
Minas Spetzakis:
Contrib. post:
How about Minas Spetzakis, star of stage, screen, and rec.humor?
I got to where I could recognize his first name in rot13 (Zvanf)
before I gave up reading noise-ridden rec.humor to free up time
to read other noise-ridden groups.
--
>Ah Minas! (I thought it was Spitakis, but you probably know better than
>me.) Star of rec.humor.english.as.a.second.language. Made a brief
>appearance (what? about 4 years ago?), and soon became a part of the
>folklore of rec.humor. Any really unfunny joke, told very badly, was
>soon greeted with "Minas? Is that you?", no matter who told it. (Much
>like the references to Sven in a.f.w these days, but with Sven it's just
>good natured fun.) He wasn't a loon, but he did become part of the
>group's folklore. This is something I've noticed: each group (or
>conglomeration of groups) has its own folklore, about the poster from
>the past (or present) who everybody talks about and knows about, but
>people outside that group have no clue about.
--
Roy Crabtree:
Contrib. posts:
Just one more net.loon occurred to me-Roy Crabtree, he of the text editor
that makes everything he writes look like experimental free verse, and who
cannot be dissuaded of his belief that insect vectors have played a
significant role in AIDS transmission (the source of a
much-longer-than-necessary thread on alt.conspiracy last spring).
--
Crabtree is a definite winner: remember his campaign accusing Ted
Frank of "obversion", whatever the hell that means to him?
--
K*nt Pa*l D*lan (Kent Paul Dolan) (you foolish child, I have more intellect
in my ..etc, etc):
Contrib. post:
What about that man from xanth, Kent Paul Dolan ? While not strictly a
net.loon, K*nt has probably pissed off more of the net than most with
his bombastic insulting style and unshakable beliefs. I last saw him
in talk.politics.drugs about two years ago - any recent sightings ?
--
Oh, definitely. K*nt's claim to infamy was the rec.arts.sf-lovers
reorganization of late 1991, for which he was the vote-taker; any
survivors of that fiasco will attest to his warm, diplomatic style
and high ethical standards. [Not!]
--
Kent was apparently a sufferer from monopolar depression; he had treatment,
and was released as "improved, not cured".
Peter Trei: [From Peter himself, in a list of net.loon nominees]
last, and probably least...
Peter Trei
Monomaniac who greps most of Usenet for mentions of Freemasonry,
and posts corrections if he feels the fraternity is being slighted.
Sporadically publishes the Masonic Digest on a mailing list. Not too
good at answering his email. At least he has a sense of humor...
Posts as <pt...@mitre.org>.
--
Mike Dahmus ("Linux sux! Linux sux! OS/2 iz g00d 4 U!"):
Often seen on the comp.* groups and alt.folklore.computers. Argues at
length (about NextStep, Unix, OS/2, etc.), and crossposts. Also posts to
alt.religion.kibology, rec.sport.basketball, and rec.sport.football.college;
good at baiting flames, to the point of being the curator of the
rec.sport.football.college Hall o' Bait (they call trolling "fishing" for some
odd reason). Has at least one archenemy, Andrew Bulhak (q.v.), whom he calls
"Lumpy" (tm); Bruce Ediger has also been mentioned. Works for IBM at last
report. Has some people convinced he's convinced Penn State is God's gift to
the US athletics conferences, and that OS/2 R00LZ... Has his own alt.fan group.
Tied for eighth place in the Kibo election.
Contrib. post:
And then there's Mike Dahmus, who claims that UNIX sucks and everything other
than OS/2 is trash and that UNIX's "mv" command is brane dam3jd because it
doesn't refuse to move files across drives.
--
Posts as mi...@schleppo.bocaraton.ibm.com / mi...@inca.gate.net (Mike Dahmus).
Andrew Bulhak (Back off, man, I'm a kibologist):
One of the more distinguishable of the a.r.k supporting cast. Will argue
(usually on the right side) at length, especially against Mike Dahmus (q.v.).
Will mercilessly parodize the clueless, and does a mean B1FF (q.v.)...
Has canonical .sigs which show up periodically. Conducted the vote to elect
the new kibo (q.v.) (don't ask...), which Joel Furr ended up winning. Slavers
in fear at the thought of new waves of net.newbies. Is reportedly in Kibo's
killfile... Posts as a...@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Andrew Bulhak).
Puma!:
Contrib. post:
Those who used to frequent the rec.arts.anime group still remember
the bizarreness that was
PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!
PUMA! Meddle-not-in-the-affairs-of-PUMAs-for PUMA!
PUMA! you-are-crunchy-and-good-with-ketchup! PUMA!
PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!PUMA!
--
Valeri Fabrikant (the only net.loon who actually killed people):
Contrib. post:
>I know this is in very bad taste, but what about that guy Fabrikant, who
>ranted incessantly for two weeks about a conspiracy at his university
>not to give him tenure (the newsgroup was sci.research; the university
>was somewhere in canada; montreal?).
(Someone finally got sick of it and said "Well, why don't you do something
about it?".)
>He then went and shot half-a-dozen staff
>members! He posted something from jail later, I believe; or rather he
>wrote something on a laptop and had it posted. I probably still have the
>collection of posts.
>>His trial was very bizarre; he want through many lawyers and finally
>>"defended" himself; the cornerpiece of his defence, I believe, was to
>>call the judge a Muppet. Very sad, and very nasty.
[Actually, he called the members of the court, Muppets, and the judge, King
Muppet.]
>Hey, if you really want loons, be serious!
Eeeeuuuuwww. Tacky. No Fabrikant. Let's keep it light-hearted, ok?
---Bill "HELP!!! (sound made by man drowning in loons)" VanHorne
P.S. I said earlier that cataloging every loon on Usenet would mean
cataloging 76.3% of all posters. I now think the number is closer
to 86.3%. And rising.
--
[also from Bill:]
I have also been asked *not* to include L. Detweiler the PSEUDOSPOOFING
ALERT guy, as a couple of people who know him think he's a Fabrikant in
the making, and are worried about the safety of someone who Detweiler
mentions in his posts and who lives near him in CO.
--
[The jury is still out on Detweiler; despite two attempts (so far) to
post a version of the FAQ inveigled from the FAQmaker, which may or may
not have been altered, I decided to leave him in ... for now...]
Barbara Abernathy (I am an excellent example of why some people's
newsreaders should be limited to alt.flame):
Omnipresent on alt.flame; replies, quoting at great length, with
somewhat-varied insults. Not to everyone's taste. Caused an uproar by
posting an alt.flame-type message calling someone she was mad at a child
molestor to alt.sexual.abuse.recovery, and later took Serdar Argic's side
in a typical zumaBot-followup that somehow got crossposted to alt.bigfoot
*and* alt.tasteless... seemed to have no clue as to who/what the Bot was.
Consistently high in the #Posts lists. Posts as baberna@{bcpl,awk}.cse.psu.edu
(Barbara Abernathy).
Willis Carto:
originator (?) of Dan Gannon's material; also inspired Boris (you cannot
buy ham in Toronto because the Jooooos have taken over) Kuschel, along with
the other alt.revisionism nuts, Joe Gaut (a regular sparring partner of
Ted Frank's, and a tireless proponent of the proposition that everything
printed in "The spotlight" is gospel) and Lance Bledsoe (Audit The Fed!
Audit the Fed! It is evil!)
Contrib. post:
Willis Carto is, as I remember, a founder, or, at least, a leading
light, of the Liberty Lobby, who are publishers of the *Spotlight* and
basically an anti-Semitic bunch. I think he antedates USENET (that
bunch may date back to the '50's or so).
I think Bledsoe is just a John Bircher, although I may be confusing him
with *another* John Bircher in "alt.conspiracy".
--
Joseph Dunphy:
Contrib. post:
>of sci.research.careers and a few other places deserves honorable mention. i
>didn't discover sci.research.careers until the week after Fabrikant hit the
>news, so i can't tell you whether dunphy ever interacted with Fabrikant.
--
Rob Reinhardt (The UN is a conspiracy):
thinks the UN should be reorganized to make us better prepared for
when the aliens ask us to join the Federation.
Claire Gilbert (my Florida eyes can see the smoke from the Kuwaiti oil fires
which is causing our weather to change -- really!):
Contrib. post:
A PFH [poster from Hell?] on sci.<many> was so obnoxious her sysadmin had
to be begged to cease and desist her. At the time I was using VNEWS which
had no killfile capability. This PFH actually made me decide to learn Unix
with the express purpose of getting a newsreader (trn) with kill capability.
--
Homer Wilson Smith (Certainty of existence implies certainty of DESIRE and
|certainty of LOSS, unbearable loss and pain):
from alt.clearing.technology. A mini-FAQ is available for him. Posts as
CTM%CORNELL...@vm.ucs.UAlberta.CA (Homer Wilson Smith).
ZiPpY:
Contrib. post:
on the hashnet, who is guaranteed to jump into every thread, and claims to
know everybody personally. Every time the conversation veers towards
normality, he posts yet another song about sheep-fucking.
--
Jarmo:
Famous in soc.culture.nordic, wages a constant battle against everybody
else in the group, in his fight for the Finnish-speaking minority in
Sweden. He has even posted to soc.culture.celtic asking the Welsh to help
in his struggle. He got very little response. Either the Welsh people have
no interest, or they have trouble understanding his posts, which are in a
mixture of Swedish and Finnish. A bummer for the Welsh!
Dimitri Vulis:
Contrib. post:
whose obnoxious, derivative and not-very-funny Soviet emigre jokes from
Brighton Beach were a weekly feature about a year ago on rec.humor . He
ignored completely any requests to stop. Eventually he started getting
flamed in demotic Russian-quite fun for those of us who could read it.
- Dan "And to think he felt it important enough to waste his two hours of daily
connect time on it" Case
--
Roy Radow:
Passionate defender of NAMBLA on several of the gay-oriented newsgroups.
Not really *that* much of a loon - just believes there should be no minimum
age of consent for sexual relations, and has NAMBLA in his .sig. May kiboze
for NAMBLA. Posts as r...@panix.com (Roy Radow).
STella (bisexual leatherbyke pagan):
alt.sex.* denizen. Mistress of the sarcastic flame. Helped found
alt.sex.bondage; hangs out there. A mini-FAQ is available (for the
non-maturity-challenged only). Not a loon - just has a distinctively..
ah.. unrestrained posting style. Has been referenced (along with kibo) in
at least one guide to the Internet. Posts as STe...@thelema.queernet.org
and ste...@netcom.com (STella).
Elf! Sternberg:
Seemingly omnipresent in any group having anything remotely to do with
sex or sexual orientation (recently sighted on rec.pets.herp, even). Try
alt.sex.wizards, alt.sex, or alt.sex.motss; Generally gives very good advice.
Posts the "Journal Entry" series of sex stories on alt.sex.stories/
alt.sex.motss/alt.sex . Quoted (sometimes extensively) in the alt.sex.*
FAQs. Cordially despised on soc.motss, though. Posts from e...@halcyon.com
(Elf Sternberg).
Gharlane of Eddore:
Semi-master flamer. Notable chiefly for his unbreakable habit of setting
followups to alt.dev.null, apparently in the belief that noone else's words
deserve to follow his. Can be seen on rec.arts.sf.written and alt.flame,
as well as alt.fan.mike-jittlov . Posts as ghar...@nextnet.csus.edu (Gharlane
of Eddore).
Ted Altar:
From rec.food.veg. Was semi-single-handedly responsible for prolonging
the discussion on whether or not to split r.f.v, and if so how, in
news.groups, past all humanly bearable length. The ultimate upshot of this
was the creation of rec.food.veg.cooking (moderated)... Posts as
tal...@beaufort.sfu.ca (Ted Altar).
John Stanley:
Was recently (12/93) waging single-handed a flamewar in news.groups on what
the meaning, if any, of ABSTAIN in a UseNet vote is/should be/must be.
Notable in this only because he is apparently alone on his side. On the
other hand, is also conducting a well-done offense against Dick Depew
(q.v.), pointing out repeatedly that his (Dick's) ARMM proposals are
nothing more nor less than censorship. He has ended up in Dick's killfile,
along with Joel Furr (q.v.), because of this. Posts as
sta...@skyking.oce.orst.edu (John Stanley).
Tim Pierce and Joel Furr:
Not loons, exactly - Tim was the sysadmin at Amherst and moderates
rec.arts.erotica; just very very cynical (Tim) and very very optimistic
(Joel). Found on alt.config (Tim ambushing alt.*-group proposers and Joel
proposing new alt.* groups at a great rate [and newgrouping them almost
as fast {in recognition of which many admins refuse to create *any* group
newgrouped by Joel]) and soc.motss, rec.arts.erotica (Tim), and
alt.folklore.urban and alt.fan.lemurs (Joel). A miniFAQ on Tim, by Joel, is
available. More fun to watch than Abbott and Costello. Joel "flamed a proposed
rmgrouping of alt.folklore.computers to ashes in late 1992", and has his own
alt.fan group, created by Serdar Argic in retaliation for Joel's newgrouping
of alt.fan.serdar-argic; he has recently been furiously opposing the RFD on
soc.sexuality.zoophilia for unstated reasons. Post as twpi...@unix.amherst.edu
(Tim Pierce) and jf...@char.vnet.net (Joel Furr). There is no truth to the
rumor that "Furrfu!" refers to Joel.
Uncle Fester (Kiss Me - I'm An ASSHOLE!):
Father-figure to alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.d . Helps rein in the
flames on occasion; poster of the Official Assholes of a.b.p.e List (simply
a listing of those who have posted non-binary stuff to the binary group
in the last period of time in a format designed to get their attention -
he's first on every list, of course, because the List has to go on a.b.p.e
to be effective). Was famous for his posting prolificacy when he first
showed up on a.b.p.e; real name: Tim Hester. Has been lying low lately, but can
be seen on talk.bizarre. May be reinstating the List soon... but apparently
not from nyx, as his crusade against alt.sex.intergen (he believes a group
for discussing, among other things, pedophilia, deserves only post-bombing)
*seems* to have temporarily shut nyx down... (they *say* it's for "a planned
University wide network outage (for maintenance)", which shows the importance
of timing...) - no wait, they're back... but is he? Posts as
the...@nyx.cs.du.edu (Uncle Fester).
Brad Templeton (Is that a ... Dave *Barry* post I see?):
ClariNet founder and owner. Former moderator, for years, of rec.humor.funny,
back when it *was*. Some time back was engaged in per^H^Hrosecution via
news.admin.* of the binary erotica groups for massive copyright violations;
thinks it's every UseNetizen's duty to a) admonish the poster of each and
every copyright-violating post and b) notify the magazine it's taken from...
may have been exposed to Clarinet's policy meetings for a bit too long,
but this attitude is quite understandable given the source of his income...
Is *also* a fervent supporter of free speech on UseNet (along with several
others such as Karl Denninger). Has been UseNetting since 1981...
Contrib. post: (actually, a .sig)
Reposting a ClariNet article to any Usenet newsgroup is a violation of
copyright. However, making fun of Brad Templeton is perfectly legal.
--
Posts as br...@clarinet.com (Brad Templeton).
Don Black:
Contrib. posts:
>Someone nobody's mentioned is Don Black, who believed that Jews are
>literally descended from the Serpent in the Garden of Eden.
--
He was living in Alabama in the mid to late 80's. My girlfriend did a
telephone interview with him for a social studies project.
--
He used to be on Prodigy, too. I think he was big in the Louisiana KKK.
Daniel "And he worked in the David Duke campaign" Case
--
Rikiya Asano ("You so funny"):
Contrib. posts:
I'd like to nominate Rikiya Asano, who posts on talk.politics.guns,
soc.culture.japan, et al: "All Americans are violent racists!" There is
much speculation that R.A. is a phony, i.e., not Japanese but just
pretending to be by using broken English, references to 'Nippon', etc.,
but the jury is still out. Talk.politics.guns attracts a lot of live
wires, especially those who believe that Clinton is a [leftist,
socialist, Marxist, Communist, Nazi, traitor] and is itching to turn the
U.S. into a Marxist state. Anyone playing "Spot the Net.Loony" should
check it out, but be aware that a little t.p.g. goes a long way.
--
Also posts to soc.culture.asian.american too, about how he's such catnip
to the ladies. This came in especially useful during the flame war on
alt.config about alt.sex.fetish.oriental and its proposed successor,
alt.appreciation.asian. Rikiya there went into great detail about his
own sex life and masturbatory habits-I was quite surprised. Many people
think he's a poseur, though. But do these people post to other newsgroups,
too? It hardly surprises anyone that talk.politics.guns attracts a high
degree of loons.
--
I used to wish Rikiya Asano was [an AI program], but unfortunately he has
turned out to be a real civil engineering master's student at CMU. I've come
across him twice.
--
Andrew Wiles (My proof is unfortunately far too large for this newsgroup):
Contrib. post:
I would like to nominate as a quintessential non-net non-loon:
Andrew Wiles. (Marilyn [vos Savant], if you're out there, shaddup.)
Over in sci.math, one of Wiles's graduate students has had his
email response to a fan, answering some of the fan's questions,
posted by the fan. Here are three relevant extracts:
>First of all, I should let you know that he almost never reads his email,
>and does not read newsgroups at all. The only reason he posted
>to sci.math was because he felt he had to make some sort of
>announcement in light of all the recent rumors, and someone on
>the faculty helped to show him how to post to a newsgroup. ...
>Since Prof. Wiles has not even been keeping up with all the rumors
>surrounding the status of his proof (when I asked him about a few of
>them, he said that he had not heard of them at all!), instead spending
>his time on the proof itself, I don't think he has paid much attention
>to what Marilyn has to say. ...
>I suspect he probably doesn't even know who Ludwig Plutonium is! :)
I suspect he probably doesn't even know who I am, either, even though
we were once co-guests-of-honor at a party a friend of mine threw....
--
"Turmoil" (Nazis!):
short-lived news.groups loon - had a small flamewar there.
From Dan "If it matters" Case:
I should also, spekaing of t.p.g, nominate "Turmoil" as a net.loon (Fuck Tha
Police), although I'm not sure that he makes the age minimum.
--
N.O. Monaghan:
Contrib. post:
Another one who occurred to me-N.O. Monaghan, seen in many of the same
groups as Jack Schmidling was, and a great fan of Fascism, the medieval
Catholic Church, and the British National Party.
--
John De Armond (I cheer every time a pig is killed):
Contrib. post:
In that vein, I think John "I cheer every time a pig is killed" De
Armond would have to get some recognition, especially since he posts
to alt.law.enforcement.
--
AJ Teel (Sui Juris):
Contrib. posts:
While we're at it: don't forget AJ Teel ("Sui Juris"), who is
convinced (and wants to convince all of us -- over and over again)
that the Uniform Commercial Code (section 1-207, to be precise) will
get you out of ANY traffic ticket.
--
Is that the same guy who also posts to alt.conspiracy and alt.activism
about how a) you can avoid paying income tax by simply not sending in a
return, and b) how juries have the power to simply refuse to convict the
person despite overwhelming evidence of guilt as a form of civil
disobedience? And other legal gimmicks-although I think he stopped with
the jury nullification thing because he (or some respondent) crossposted
to misc.legal and someone there dug up laws from several states that state
law says that juries are *required* to convict guilty people?
--
This needs commenting. It is true that juries have that power. There is
no law that can force them to convict a person, if they don't wish to do so.
As far as the state laws - there are certainly some that "appear" to
require a jury to judge a person based only on the law. However, they
do not prohibit a person from judging the law, and finding the person
innocent because the jury feels the law does not apply in that particular case.
--
[and so on, and so on; there is intense debate on a sporadic basis over this
in misc.legal; the FAQ author is neither a lawyer nor willing to play one on
the net.]
Other contrib. post:
>Also, a hundred years ago people simply didn't trust paper money.
Oh, go on, it can't have been *that* long since A.J. Teel left the net.
ObUL: Geo. Washington trusted silver as far as he could throw it.
Lee "faith, hope, and cherry tree" Rudolph
--
BJGW:
Contrib. post:
Oh, my - how could I forget AFU's own personal contribution to the Loon
list - BGJW, the quintessential McGill poster, who nevertheless managed to
turn AFU into a BOT-war ravaged, large-killfile, bandwidth-wasting newscape
for several weeks. I don't think any loon has achieved more indirect
success and made so many people act so ridiculously than he has - not even
Serdar and Robert McE.
Dan "and all because of a simple, stupid little programming error - but
that's a long story" Case
--
But like Phil said about B1FF, BGJW is most likely a troller. You're right
about the end results, however. Here's a note I got from 'BGJW' himself:
Date: Mon, 27 Sep 93 17:14:54 EDT
From: "E. K. Yersh" <BG...@musicb.mcgill.ca>
Subject: RE: Re: Hi Everybody!
In article <27tsk6$4...@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu> cats...@gofish.aiss.uiuc.edu
>In article <CDtxt...@acsu.buffalo.edu> v140...@ubvms.cc.buffalo.edu
>>In article <23SEP93.19...@VM1.MCGILL.CA>,
>>>Hi Everybody!
>>Or do I have to throw it out because it's from McGill?
>I'm almost 100% convinced that McGill is the creation of a really old hat,
>there's no other way to get this consistent throughput of stupidity from
>one site for so long...
>ObULSpreaderoftheDay: Lewis Grizzard. He may be funny as hell some of the
>time, but he tells many. many ULs as true stories.
>--
>Jason R. Heimbaugh (CatStyle) j...@uiuc.edu
>Two (unnamed) people on campus debugging telnetd code:
>"Oh, I'm missing a colon."
>"So is my aunt."
Jason, listen up. I'll let you in on a theory of mine.
My theory is that all these clueless messages are written by the same guy.
I think that there's really only one guy at McGill who posts on AFU. What I
think he does is that when he discovers terminals which students have used
but not logged off from he posts a message from their account and purposely
makes the content idiotic thereby feeding the impression that McGill is an
institution for boneheads. He likely gets a kick from the reactions to the
messages and from knowing that he's been able to decieve even that higher
strain of humanity that is active on AFU.
Your Pal: BGJW
--
stx1606 (Come on, I can't HEEEEEEAR you!):
Of alt.sex.bondage, talk.religion.misc, and alt.binaries.pictures.erotica;
went from group to group trying to fan flames. Asked for non-consentual
rape stories on alt.sex.bondage and then started to use the rape stories as
proof that ASBer were not tough on Rape. He tried to get talk.religion.misc
people involved in the fight. No one took the bait... He then proceeded to
revive the "let's get the queer pictures off a.b.p.e by splitting it"
flamewar for about two weeks. Quote: "I have been washed in the blood of
the lamb and that stain will never come off!" Unable to recognize satire
at .23 milimeters. Unable to buy a clue, unwilling to rent to own. Seems
to have decomposed.
hshen; hollystone s. (An artificial (dis)intelligence project):
Contrib. post:
One more is a person who posts vindictive and semi-coherent articles in
some sci.* groups -- I've seen him/her most often in sci.math. The name
field has been "S. Hollywood", "S. H.", and "S."; the username has at
times been "hshen", I think. I can't remember the sitename -- some uni-
versity in the western US, I think. This person was active within the
past couple of months, but I haven't seen anything from him/her just
lately -- maybe I'm not reading the "right" groups.
--
Charles Packer:
Contrib. post:
A person who comes across to me as a borderline crank is Charles Packer,
who posts occasionally in various groups where current events are being
discussed. His bugbear is errors, or things that he thinks are errors,
in newspaper articles or photo-captions. He is entirely coherent and
sometimes the things he thinks must be errors really are, so maybe he's
just researching a book or something rather than being a crank; but it
looks to me as if his skepticism level is set a good deal too high. Again,
I can't remember his posting site -- probably somewhere in the New York
area, since the newspaper he most often cites is -- see below.
MARTIANS BUILD TWO IMMENSE CANALS IN TWO YEARS.
Vast Engineering Works Accomplished in an Incredibly Short Time by Our
Planetary Neighbors. -- N.Y.Times headline, August 27, 1911
--
Ralph Taite (Walphie):
Contrib. post:
What about Ralph(Walph/Waphie) Taite as a possible net.legend/loon??
He has completely taken over the likes of alt.feminism,soc.men,soc.women
and god knows what other groups..
Ah the hum of ^Walph is a Nazi^ , ^Walph rapes^ and similar subject
lines.. :)
--
Jacco Zwetsloot (I read AFU once a month and waste tons of bandwidth
reviving old threads and asking questions that have already been answered at
least eight times):
Self-explanatory.
Richard Schennberg:
Contrib. post:
Pesters the alt.magic, alt.pagan, and talk.religion.christian groups (among
others) with his stories of satanic infiltration into the church. He is
convinced that a secret cabal of Mormon Freemasons (!) ruined his military
career and destroyed his marriage. He's been laughed off alt.magick and
alt.pagan, but is still infesting src. Posts as <sche...@ms.uky.edu>.
--
Joe Buehler:
Contrib. post:
Don't see him much lately. <enter paraphrase mode>
* The Catholic church was OK up until Vatican 2: the changes
since then were heretical. Clearly, Mass in anything but Latin is
a not good with God. If the Pope says it, it must be true...
* The Spanish Inquisition was a Good Idea, since there were real
heretics out there...
* Masons steal Holy Water and Consecrated Wafers from Catholic churches
(I haven't the foggiest idea what we're supposed to do with them).
<exit paraphrase mode>
--
it would probably be inaccurate to have him
say 'anything the Pope says is true'. Actually, in his view a number of
recent papal statements have been dangerously liberal. I haven't seen
him about lately, though.
--
drieux (drieux, just drieux):
recently sighted xposted to a.r.k and alt.usenet.kooks...
Contrib. post:
He was sort of like McElwaine, only he parodied himself; he posted
wacked-out conspiracy rants accusing people of being part of the
GreatEvilSatanicOxygenCartelConspiracy or something to that effect. Is he
still existent?
--
As a sometime correspondent of "drieux just drieux", I'd like to think
he was not a parody (much less an ex-parody). A luminous and eccentric
writer, yes. But I'd rather have him on my team than most.
--
ummm... are you trying to imply that the
GreatSeXularHumanistHeteroSexualPlot&GeneralIkkyPooperness
is not real? Next you'll be tryuing to tell me that
KableTV is not a conspiracy!
(I'm only paranoid because I know too much)
...
Castle Wetware's resident Philosopher and Sniper is still
'out there' in all senses of the word.
just don't get into dueling references with him.
He'll push your buttons just to watch you jump.
ps - it rhymes with true.
--
drieux is a real person and he's easily reached--I just called the
NASA Ames operator and she put me through to his office. He wasn't
there, though, because he works second shift. Of course, this only
works if you know his real name.
--
Haunts talk.bizarre ... Posts from drieux@{vladimir.}wetware.com (drieux, just
drieux).
Bob Webber:
At one time, possibly before the Great Renaming, Bob Webber claimed to
read (regularly) every news-article in existence. Quite probably he no
longer does this, but this quite probably qualifies him for inclusion as a
net.legend... Posted from (probably) @porthos.rutgers.edu .
John Covici:
reposts Lyndon LaRouche stuff, coordinates the Larouche mailing list.
Contrib. post:
Lyndon Larouche's mouthpiece on the net. Hard to tell what *he*
thinks (and I'm not sure I want to know), but keeps alt.activism up on
the latest ramblings of his mentor. These include (I'm not making this
up) a Zionist-KKK-Nazi-British-Mason-Apollonian conspiracy against
Western Civilization.
--
Carasso (I'M NUMBER 2!):
Roger David Carasso; reputedly the originator of "xposted to
*.test". Claims to be "FOUNDER OF THE INTERNET"; alt.sex.carasso and
alt.sex.carasso.snuggles apparently existed at one time... Lives in L.A.,
reputedly married to Bonnie; GIFs are apparently available - ask him...
Contrib. post:
REGARDING MYSELF, ROGER DAVID CARASSO, NET.GOD --
OTHER FACTS OF INTEREST:
- I've had 4 accounts at Berkeley disabled and closed. 3 account, 2 times.
- I've had 1 account at gypsy's friend's site closed.
- I've had 2 accounts at USC disabled and closed. 1 three times.
- I then cracked 50 accounts at USC, where all business majors in summer
school are given the password "summer" and 80& don't bother to change it.
- I've had 2 accounts at Netcom disabled and closed. One twice.
- I've had 1 the turing.org site taken down because the sysadmin liked
me and refused to close my account.
- I've had my best friend lose his account at UCLA because of my posts
from there.
- I've made it so MIT doesn't allow anonymous logins anymore, after a
rash of my posts.
- I got a new account yesterday, and within 10 minutes root was taking
to me asking if I was "*the* roger david carasso", and disabled my
account.
- There are several others, but I can't remember.
--
CARASSO: Probable record-holder for most accounts suspended on
Usenet. Had student account at USC suspended three times for "abuse
of Usenet". Netcom suspended his account once, reenabled it, then
axed it. Got a new Netcom account in name of then-girlfriend (now
wife) Bonnie Houck (whom is believed by some to be fictitious), which
also got suspended. When at r...@netcom.com, trolled bait on various
groups under various aliases (most notably Rachel Dafni Christy
["Wherever you go, there you are, so PARTY!"], Bob D. Crane, and
Rajagopalan Dsomething-or Cother ["Be one with the Bhagavan" or
something like that]). Rabid anti-Arab/Muslim, creator of
alt.wanted.muslim.gay (among others). Now posting from inference.com,
his actual workplace; since he has to tone down or face the wrath of
his boss (who is monitoring him), his posts are now somewhat tepid and
bland. May have been coiner of catchphrase "I SEE A GREAT NEED".
Still posts to talk.bizarre, where he is either loathed or reluctantly admired.
--
Brief disclaimer: I *was* monitoring Roger, but it ended up costing us
too much in snapped-off electrodes and chewed-through leather
restraints.
--
I, ROGER DAVID CARASSO, AM THE CREATOR OF THE FOLLOWING NEWSGROUPS. PRAISE ME.
alt.newbie
alt.newbies
alt.best.of.internet
alt.herve.villechaize.dead.dead.dead
alt.fan.roger.david.carasso
alt.politics.bush
alt.politics.clinton
alt.politics.perot
alt.politics.gooley
alt.fan.gooley
alt.job.gooley
alt.gobment.lones
alt.wanted.moslem.men
alt.wanted.moslem.women
alt.wanted.moslem.gay
alt.imploding.kibo
alt.aldus.freehand
alt.fractal-design.painter
alt.pixar.typestry
alt.fan.howard-sterm.fartman
alt.flame.marshal.perlman.weenie
alt.flame.hairy-douchebag.merrideth-tanner
There are others, but I can't remember them!
--
dfq...@shoes.BELL-ATL.COM, jec...@eos.ncsu.edu
& mill...@CS.ColoState.EDU all have personal archives of some of the best of
carasso, and probably the man himself does too
--
Posts as car...@Inference.COM (d.r. carasso); this may change rapidly...
Max Borisoff, Larry Pearson, and alt.christnet (Christnet is *copyright*!):
Well. Where to begin? Two weeks of slowly-less-clueless attempts to
create the alt.christnet hierarchy, first by Max, and then by Larry (apparently
Max's sysadmin, and equally clueless to start with); several posts to
alt.config (while ignoring email); a sudden insight, followed by *twelve*
a.c.* newgroups; dawning realization that people from Outside Christnet.Org
(located, apparently, in L.A.) were Posting In The Christnet.Org Newsgroups;
attempts to make the groups moderated; vague legal threats; flame and
counterflame (on alt.config *and* the a.c.* groups, which had been swooped
upon with great glee by several people who thunk: "Aha! A place to confront
fundies!", Keith Cochran (q.v.) amongst them; the sudden appearance of Hansel
Lee, and equally quick disappearance when he a) made a threat while posting
from his military computer and b) forgot there might be superiors lurking
on alt.config; the final partial realization of the vastm^Hness that is Usenet
by Max; and the creation (still slightly cluelessly) of the christnet.*
hierarchy, and subsequent partially-successful rmgrouping of the alt.christnet
hierarchy. All in all, about a month of More Fun Than Alt.Config Is Allowed
To Be... Post as Max.Bo...@christnet.org and Larry....@christnet.org .
Stephen Eisenberg:
Contrib. post:
recently nominated as a net.idiot on can.general and known for
his knee-jerk support of the Canadian government in the Teale/Homolka
trial ban AND his tendency to hysterically flame anyone who says anything
in the slightest bit negative about Canada or positive about the US
(especially in comparison to Canada). AFUers may remember him for his
"Photographer For Hire!" sig and the fact that he had absolutely no sense
of humor during that whole debate on Canada's lower rate of firearm death
vs. the US. And the fact that he's from McGill and definitely *not* under the
control of BGJW.
--
Stephen Grossman (The Paranoid Randroid):
Has "recently" been haunting the usual alt. group suspects (.activism,
.conspiracy, etc.).
Contrib. post:
I've never corresponded with Stephen Grossman, but I've been in the same
room with him several times, and we worked on the same copy desk at
different eras; he occasionally writes letters to the editor which are
by no means identical to his net.postings -- if he makes it past the
nomination process, I could forward "fair use" quotations from a few of
those, maybe.
--
Scott Tai:
Contrib. post:
I have followed *way too many* of these net.loon postings, and
I am finding it difficult to believe that no one has nominated Scott Tai.
Mr. Tai posts regularly to rec.org.mensa and to a variety of sci.*
newsgroups, using various accounts (some real, some not) and names
(including his latest, Sister Amy Tai, Instructor, St. Ann's Academy).
The primary purpose of his posts seems to be to argue with himself,
although agreeing with himself comes in a close second.
--
Michael Courtney:
Contrib. post:
>Does anyone have any of his legendary bits of wierdness from alt.atheism?
>His ramblings on The Queen of Heaven or even some of his (gasp!) poetry
>would be amusing. Or even the posts wherein he identified himself as God's
>Own Prophet(tm). I never bothered to save any of them, alas...
I forgot to save that stuff, but I can certainly testify to the
existence of those posts. When he first did the poetry, I asked him
in email why he was doing it, and his response was that he was attempting
to "get through to the people on alt.atheism". His poetry was really
poor though, I rarely see worse stuff on rec.arts.poems. You can
get his masterpiece paper via anonymous ftp. I think it is on his
site at MIT. :) A few people even read it and it makes many of his
posts seem mild.
--
As requested, here's a small sample of Michael Courtney's
posts to alt.atheism. Unfortunately, I don't have any of
his poetry, though perhaps someone else might.
In fairness to Michael, he's definitely NOT a kook in
the sense of a Ludwig Plutonium. I think everyone on
a.a who remembers his first few posts would have to
agree that he genuinely seemed reasonable. He was
almost always pretty polite and cooperative, though
he'd occasionally dodge really uncomfortable challenges
to his fundamentalism. Understandable, I suppose, if
you ignore that the forum was a.a. Regardless, I
would have to say that Michael's credibility took a
serious nosedive after this post:
----begin quoted text----
>From mic...@krypton.mit.edu Thu Jan 13 11:16:15 1994
Date: 15 Oct 1993 19:50:08 GMT
From: Michael Courtney <mic...@krypton.mit.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.atheism
Subject: abortion and prophec
yer...@leland.Stanford.EDU (Dan Yergeau) writes:
>mic...@krypton.mit.edu (Michael Courtney) writes:
[deletions]
>Please quote the verse where God calls it murder. Your personal
>relationship with God and your private revelations from God are not
>admissible. Don't put words into your god's mouth. I don't think he
>would appreciate it.
I have God's permission to call abortion murder. I am a
prophet sent by God to declare the destruction of the United States
because of abortion.
[more deletions; Michael provides some biblical basis for
his anti-abortion stance.]
If either God did not exist, or abortion was not murder, God would not
be planning to bring the retribution on the United States that he is
now planning. Let me be specific in this prophecy. This is what the Lord
has said:
Within 40 years the following things will happen:
1. The United States will cease to be governed as set forth in the
Constitution. The United States will also cease to enjoy the freedom
it declared for itself in the Declaration of Independence.
2. The blood of our young men will be poured out into th streets,
for the Lord is a God of retribution. Millions of Americans will die
on American soil in fulfillment of the Scriptures:
If a man sheds blood, by man shall his blood be shed.
and,
Atonement cannot be made for land on which blood has been shed,
except by the blood of the one who shed it.
3. A dragon will rip open the pregnant women of the United States.
4. This prophecy is unconditional. No repentance can stop it. Nothing
can stop what God has decided to do.
God is not mocked, we will reap what we have sown.
That's all of the prophecy, but I will add that if you are still alive
when it happens there is still forgiveness for your sins through Jesus Christ.
--
Michael Courtney |Reply by email if you really want an answer to a question
mic...@amo.mit.edu |about something in this post. I do consider flames,
|mocking or obscenity to be indications that you are not
|asking honest questions. P.S. I have the FAQ's.
----end quoted text----
Understandably, many on a.a were a bit skeptical that the
Christian God would intervene as described above.
--
Posts as mic...@amo.mit.edu (Michael Courtney).
Captain Sarcastic (Oh how lovely):
Contrib. post:
>From: kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Captain Sarcastic)
>No, I am most definately not joking.
>I plan on transcending Kibo in net.awareness, and this is but the
>first step in my campaign.
To do this, all he needs is a heart, a spleen, and a brain..
and a spelling-checker.
>Power corrupts, but absolute power is kinda neat.
"Captain Sarcastic" must be another of the net.AIs - what human being
would be caught posting "Captain Sarcastic" crap? Mr. Ediger, please
add "Captain Sarcastic" to the net.nuts list, with 'delusions of grandeur'
as the diagnosis.
--
Update: he's now got 12 regular posters to alt.captain.sarcastic, and
is gaining fast on Kibo's 29,000 ... and is optimistic...
Posts as kko...@nyx10.cs.du.edu (Captain Sarcastic).
Monica (Net.goddess):
Contrib. post:
Maybe I'm late with this one, but how about Monica, the
Korean girl who was on the net one year, created a big
following, then went home to enter a nunnery, never to
see the Internet again. Any data?
--
Check out the FAQ in alt.religion.monica. Note that although
Monica herself is treated as a saint by her following (she
may well be), the group is almost entirely Korean. But, if
we're going to worry about offending someone, we'd might as well
not have the list at all, right?
--
A minifaq on Monica is available.
Anthony Lest & Nabeel A. Rana
(Rana is Rana, and Lest is Lest, and Lest is not Rana.):
Contrib. post:
>Then there's Anthony Lest, who took a massively controversial vote and
>yet never existed - "Rana is Rana, and Lest is Lest, and Lest is not
>Rana." (which was apparently the soc.religion(.islam).ahmadiyya(h) vote,
>which is due up again anytime now)...
Rana definitely deserves a mention. After massive flaming and vote
fraud on "soc.religion.islam.ahmadiyya", he said a "friend" of his
would take the vote. After the vote, people began complaining that
their no votes weren't counted. Lest seemed to disappear, and turned
out never to have existed! Even better, they found out that Lest
always seemed to be logged in at the same time, and from the same
machine, as Rana.
--
Rana is still around, andd recently asked on alt.config about
how to send a newgroup message... posts from ra...@rintintin.Colorado.EDU
(Nabeel A. Rana).
IdEAL Order Psychic TV (clever satire):
A, um, piece of experimental satire by Jeff Harrington and Elsie Russell.
See the minifaq for extreme details...
SN Mozumder (WHY ATHEISM SUPPORTS CHILD MOLESTING):
Contrib. post:
But my real vote goes to Bobby Mozumder, one who
was far more persistent than Michael Courtney (q.v.) on alt.atheism, and
came up with a bunch of real gems. Many people even grabbed stuff of his for
sig material.
--
He is the author of the theory that no true follower (tm) of
Islam can ever do any evil. He came up with the theory of
temporary atheism to explain away problems presented.
Famous for quoting entire articles to add a few lines
(like another kook famous to alt.atheism, Bill Conner),
he tends to flee for a few months only to come back and
cause the traffic to double on the religious newsgroups
he frequents. Also famous for the famous line that
atheism causes child prostitution in Tibet, as
well as the idea that all atheists are evil. bobbe@vice.???.edu?
Got himself a second account when too many people learned
how to put him in a kill file. Always uses S. N. Mozumder as
the real name (as far as I've seen). Common nicknames
include Blooby, B.M. Currently has left alt.atheism for
(he claims) other religious newsgroups, but I have
not seen any reports of him.
--
Not quite. Booby is the _usual_ nickname for Mozumder, but I decided to come
up with "Blobby" the first time I flamed him on a.a.
I can understand the reference to the dreaded Bill Conner, but I didn't notice
much of anything concerning the equally deserving Michael Coutney. Hmmm...
Don't forget his infamous "Atheism is what I say it is and you're an evil
atheist especially if you call me on it" rag.
--
S.N. "Bobby" Mozumder, Islamic proselytizer to alt.atheism.
Noteworthy for his complete inability to listen to what anybody said.
Posted articles with titles like "WHY ATHEISM SUPPORTS CHILD
MOLESTING". Typical quotes from my file:
"Still, you have to be brainwashed by atheism to think you have morals."
"It is purely a mental problem that can be corrected when Islam is applied."
--
Posted as snm...@ultb.isc.rit.edu (Bobby Mozumder).
The High:
Contrib. post:
The High was three brothers who came on the net in October ['93] and started
posting their bizarre conviction that Marvel and DC comics were to merge
("The papers are signed!") to alt.comics.superman, rec.arts.comics.misc
and rec.arts.comics.xbooks. We're 95% certain that was bait, but...
The High also get marks for forging return paths, flaming anyone who
tried to suggest that a major reorganisation of the comics industry
might *just* have been in the trade press, and for setting follow-ups
to alt.desert.toppings, alt.fan.ketchup and other non-existent news groups.
They signed all their messages "Love and oodles, The High." Towards the
end of their career, they stated trying to clog up racm with one-line
posts about Casper the Friendly Ghost.
They were so hated by the rest of the newsgroup that they got kicked off
the net within one month of getting on, after an avalanche of complaints
went to their postmaster. For now, the High are dormant, but apparently
they're getting their net access back in the spring [of '94].
There was also a guy calling himself The High II who claimed kicking the
High off was censorship, and started posting apparently serious messages
in the High's style as a tribute, but he gave up after a couple of weeks
when he realised nobody was flaming him.
(BTW, the High is *not* the same person as racm regular Matthew High.)
Just thought he might qualify, for one of the shortest and most
incendiary net careers, if nothing else.
--
"Mark Ethan Smith" (Don't call me "miss"):
Contrib. post:
Hung out (no pun intended) in soc.women back in 1987-88. Passionately
believed that society was a man's world and that women were treated
as hopeless inferiors. Responded to all male posters by feminizing
their names in the hopes that they would feel the shame that the
English language imposes on women by having gender-specific words.
Was particularly fond of the word "diminutive." (All female-specific
words were diminutives.) Changed her name, reported from Susan, to
MES in hopes that men would see the typically-male name, assume that
she was a man and therefore not patronizer her as an inferior woman.
Insisted upon using only men's restrooms. Seemed to have tremendous
inferiority complex on account of being born female. May have been
involved in the comp.women debate.
--
I vaguely remember "Mr. Smith". He posted to soc.feminism/soc.women
(possibly to some ancestor of these newsgroups as well). The story was that
despite having two "X" chromosomes; he preferred to be called "mister" and in
all other ways to be treated as a man. May have had his name legally
changed to "Mark" (from whatever it was originally). He also claimed to
have worked for one of the armed services(?) and had gotten them to legally
treat him as a man rather then a woman. I haven't seen any postings from
him in years, but then again I haven't regularly read any of the soc.*
groups in years either. I don't think he is/was as 'unusual' as many more
recent legends; but probably deserves a mention. Perhaps USENET was just a
quieter place in those days...
--
"Mark Smith" was an annoyance outside Usenet as well; "he" (as the individual
insisted on being referred to) or "it" (as we liked to refer to the individual)
was an unwelcome visitor to a public-access Unix system called M-Net, in
Ann Arbor, during 1986 and 1987. Smith said all of the wonderful things
other posters have mentioned, and used the loginid "reason" -- the same login
"it" apparently used on the Well.
I vaguely recall that Smith harassed one M-Net user by mail and, perhaps,
voice phone to some extent.
--
Other than this "quirk" of Mr. Smith's, I also remember him to have an
itchy 'f'-finger as well as the requisite desire to post massive flames.
Additionally, I have vague recollections of a) threatened lawsuits and
b) accusations of conspiracy.
In general, most of the colorful net.personalities of 1986-1988 no longer
seem to be with us, or at least keep a much lower profile.
--
Posted as era1987@*.berkeley.edu (Mark Ethan Smith).
McElroy:
Contrib. post:
The defender of the oppressed, McElroy has taken it upon himself to be
the press agent of various freedom fighters around the world, but
especially the Irish Republican Army. He spends his time uploading press
releases to soc.culture.celtic, often starting threads which use up to 50%
of the group's bandwidth. His posts may appear to be flame bait, but he
almost never enters into a discussion on the contents. He has accused some
British sites of censorship when he heard rumours that his posts were not
being distributed there (the rumours appear to be false).
--
Posts from MCE...@zodiac.rutgers.edu
Jym Dyer (=o=):
Notable mostly for his unique posting style and paragraph-starting markers,
which are usually =o= but sometimes go =/= =\=; has been known to use
ASCII illuminated letters in their place. Signs himself <_Jym_>.
Posts as j...@remarque.berkeley.edu (Jym Dyer).
Peter Plantec (Am I *really* a troll?):
Short answer: yes. Probably saw Ted Frank's entry and decided a.f.u needed
a resident loon... Claims to be dyslexic to cover his spelling errors; posts
wild claims to alt.folklore.urban and other places.
Posts as ppl...@netcom.com (P. Plantec).
Clayton E. Cramer (Homosexual men often have that many in a week):
Contrib. post:
Clayton seems to have made it his personal crusade to move into
relatively sane groups and turn them into stinking hells of political
flame by starting an anti-homosexual flame war.
--
Try ca.politics, ba.politics or *.politics.* groups. A sample:
#Newsgroups: ba.politics,ca.politics
#From: cra...@optilink.dsccc.com (Clayton Cramer)
#Subject: Re: Which comes first?
#Distribution: ba
#
#George Lambert <glam...@pyred.mis.pyramid.com> wrote:
#>cra...@optilink.dsccc.com (Clayton Cramer) writes:
###Because "monogamy" for many gay men means they come home to the
###same guy after a long night of anonymous sex at the bars. I have
###a few postings from soc.motss that refer to being married, yet
###then talk about disappointing sexual experiences out at the bars.
###
##Just like heaps of straight men and women, Clayton. Wanna take on the
##straight crowd now?
#
#As usual, you are wrong. The average lifetime number of sexual
#partners for Americans is around seven. Homosexual men often have
#that many in a week.
--
Has recently been sighted on soc.history...
Posts as cramer@optilink.{UUCP|dsccc.com} (Clayton Cramer).
Philip H. Stromer:
Contrib. post:
He was another hate-filled bigot who posted rants about homosexuality.
He became obsessed with the idea that anal sex would wear out the
muscles of the digestive tract, causing incontinence; he also posted
long gloating messages about "AIDS-infested faggots".
Eventually, Sun Microsystems fired him for breach of contract, for
posting messages which were intimidating and harassing to other
employees. He sued them, and lost. Appeared again from some
commercial site or other, but soon sunk out of view.
A salutory lesson to those who believe that the Internet is a license
to spew bigotry.
--
Oh yeah. I've read this clown's rantings from time to time, and the one
thing that occurs to me is that he and little Danny Karnes may be the same
person. This isn't a _claim_ that they are, mind you, but you'd hardly
know any better from their posts.
--
(from the Business section of the San Jose Mercury News,
Friday, July 31, 1992)
"Email epithets spark Sun lawsuit" by Brandon Bailey
By his own admission, Philip Stromer liked to push the
boundaries of good taste when he sent out jokes and
political statements on his employer's electronic mail network.
But according to a lawsuit filed this week in Santa
Clara County Superior Court, Stromer pushed too far.
The 32-year-old technical writer says he was fired by
Sun Microsystems in April after he sent a series of
email messages that were anything but politically correct.
The messages were posted on an electronic bulletin
board used by Sun workers to exchange jokes and
running commentary on a variety of topcis unrelated to their jobs.
"I was just trying to make conversation," Stromer
said in an interview. "I would normally take whatever position was unpopular."
His electronic broadsides ranged from pro-Israel
and anti-abortion arguments to jokes about AIDS
and graphic epithets about gays. Eventually he
signed on to a nationwide computer network using
his terminal at Sun and typed what he described
as "some very extremely nasty stuff" on a bulletin
board used primarily to exchange sarcastic insults and vitriolic humor.
A Sun spokeswoman said the company would not comment.
The case raises interesting questions about the
increasing popularity of electronic bulletin
boards and message systems on which users can
type all kinds of outrageous statements without
having to look their audience in the eye. Stromer
says he always signed his own name to his messages
and never meant to threaten anyone personally.
But several legal experts say that anti-discrimination
laws require management to step in when employees
create an atmosphere that is hostile or intimidating to any group.
"An occasional joke, maybe," said Patricia Shiu, staff
attorney at the non-profit Employment Law Center in
San Francisco. "But if an employer (allows) that kind
of thing repeatedly, he exposes himself to liability
for allowing a discriminatory environment."
In his lawsuit, Stromer claims his bosses violated his
right to free expression. He said he was just trying
to liven up the conversations that Sun employees routinely
conduct on a variety of email bulletin boards. And he
compared himself with comedian Lenny Bruce. (Stromer
said he had been scolded before but he drew his first
written reprimand from Sun for a joke about AIDS and
Magic Johnson, and another about AIDS and anal sex.)
"This type of exchange... is deemed by Sun management
to show poor judgment and blatant disregard for the
feelings of coworkers," said the reprimand.
By Stromer's account, he was fired after he used his
work computer to hurl messages including graphic epithets
at gays across a national network. The network automatically
identified the messages as coming from a Sun computer.
Stromer is acting as his own attorney. He said he sought
help from the American Civil Liberties Union and a
conservative foundation but both told him his employer
had a right to regulate his speech on company computers.
= = =
[Typed in by sf at dec and reposted w/o his permission, which is why
I'm leaving his name off / JBL]
--
Aha. So _that's_ the reason he ceased to infest alt.flame! I just thought that
his net access had been stripped, like a kook of a different stripe (I'm
referring to the dreaded David J. Rasmussen, of course), but I probably
just ran into his post-Sun output instead.
One does wonder how working for a company justifies the posting of such
crapola via a system the company owns. Ah well...
--
Douglas Bell (SPACE BANG! [ !]):
Posts promos for his Wonderful SF Series to rec.arts.sf.written and several
other places. Has no sense of plot, editing, storyline, or what will attract
readers. Has no clue, and resists all attempts to force one on him. Doesn't
listen to criticism - the sure sign of a never-to-be-published-and-never-to-
know-why writer...
Contrib. post:
I'd like to apologize in advance...
Douglas K. Bell <doug...@netcom.com> wrote:
)Ever enjoyed an SF series so much you couldn't wait to get the next book?!
YES! I can't wait for the next Xanth novel!!!!!!
)Hi, I'm Doug Bell !
^^
Hi, I'm Scott Drellishak, SPACE BANG!
)I've written a series of 6 books about INFINITY CITY, an incredible world
)in a black hole and the adventurers of its exciting people.
Who would have believe that time dilation and death-by-tides could be SO MUCH
FUN? Being crushed down to an infinitely dense point is the hoot of a
lifetime!
)I'm amazed at how much you all are enjoying the stories!
So am I. It's amazing to realize how much I can enjoy a story I've
NEVER READ! We're *all* waiting in anticipation for you to tell us what
our next opinion should be!
)Thanks for all your email support and comments!
)In the first book - "VAN GOGH IN SPACE" - an adventurer brings
)Vincent Van Gogh back from the ancient past to INFINITY CITY where he
)meets the "kind" of woman that has always caused him trouble...
...and the WACKY FUN never stops! (btw, I like the way you use
"quotes" around the word "kind" -- this subtly but clearly lets "us"
know that SOMETHING "WITTY" THIS WAY "COMES"! [nudge, nudge])
)If you want an email > > > > F R E E C O P Y < < < < of BOOK #1,
) just email me!
(W H Y A R E W E S H O U T I N G?)
)The rest of the series is free by email, too!
And worth every penny!
)You'll enjoy them all!
It's MANDATORY! Just imagine what would happen to Doug's ego if you didn't!
)Writing this series over the years has been a sheer joy.
Here, have a tissue...
)(I'm already
)well into book#7 - WASHINGTON & MOZART IN SPACE).
I can hardly wait for book#8 -- I suggest HITLER & EVA IN SPACE. Or,
dare I dream, DOUG BELL ADRIFT IN SPACE?
)Best of all, people
)have as much fun reading the books as I do writing them!
It's true because Doug tells you it's true! And uses exclamation
points to prove it!
)Doug Bell, Pleasanton, California USA
)Doug...@netcom.com
)Recent feedback:
(which has appeared in the last 3 months' posts)...
)"Book six was fantastic! Loss, gain, mystery, and now
)the start of a war! I think you have just reached "Epic" proportions with
)this series of novels. I am really enjoying them.
) It has been great reading your stuff..." - Joshua R. Nelson
I agree! And when Josh and I get out of high school, we're going to
grow up to be JUST LIKE DOUG!
--
Oy. Posts as doug...@netcom.com (Douglas K. Bell).
Lt. Wilkes (My brain will be back in December:)
Perennial alt.slack/alt.religion.kibology poster. Maintains that his brain
and body are in two separate places, and that one of them recently visited
Pluto for reasons having to do with the Fungi from Yuggoth; not a loon,
but does a darn good imitation of one, and is extremely fun to watch. A
candidate for the new Kibo (don't ask...) [he lost, by the way] Responsible
for the Don't Let Lieutenant Wilkes Breed Society of alt.slack and
alt.discordia, which has apparently failed in its purpose, due to the Lt.'s
new girl(?)friend jack [no it's not short for jackie]. Used to post from
delphi.com (being one of its two saving virtues); now posts as
ltwi...@netcom.com (Lt. Wilkes).
jack (jack [no it's not short for jackie]):
Recently appeared on alt.religion.kibology and fell hopelessly head over
heels for Lt. Wilkes; is having his virtual baby (and conducting the
courtship via a.r.k and ever-changing subliminal .sigs). Has a cute ASCII
cat. They've spatted though; further developments as events warrant. Posts as
ja...@marimba.wimsey.bc.ca (jack [no it's not short for jackie]).
Hoyt Stearns (Since space is quantized into units of 45.58nm,...):
from sci.physics, proponent of "larsonian physics", which seems to think
space and time are quantized, and that the universe is 3D and Euclidean...
Posts to s.p & alt.sci.physics.new-theories, with followups to sci.physics
or sci.astro (to reap the ensuing flamewar) [deponent got caught this way
once... grrrr]. Definitely a loon. Posts as ho...@isus.UUCP (Hoyt A. Stearns
jr.).
Suzanne Forgach:
Contrib. posts:
And, since there is a distinct lack of female kooks (even fewer than
one would expect from the low proportion of female posters) I think
Suzanne Fogarch (sp?) should be added. She's the only person I
remember seeing post something positive about Jesse Helms. Even the
right wing nutters that abound on the net find him an embarassment.
--
A talk.abortion regular. I've never seen Ms. Forgach, though I did
have an office down the hall from her at NOAO for a while. A 'w' on
the computer she was logged into would always show 'vn talk.abortion'...
I suspect 'prolific' might be a more accurate tag than 'kook'.
--
I remember Suzanne Forgach from way back in the dark days when I used
to post to talk.abortion. (I got better.) I don't know if she's
still kicking around, or if she was or is known on other groups.
I'm not sure if she really qualifies as a loon. Her postings
reflected highly conservative, religious beliefs, but being on the
right wing isn't an instant ticket to the insane asylum. She tended
to completely ignore logic when arguing (I vaguely recall that she
once tried to argue that homosexuality was wrong because other animals
didn't do it, and then when contradicted, turned around and accused
people of trying to justify homosexuality by saying that other animals
did it), but talk.abortion has never been a particularly rational
debating club.
--
If you've ever seen any posts by Steve Chaney, Ralph Taite or David J.
Rassmussen on t.a., you'll know how obvious a statement this is. Ugh.
--
Wait ... is she the one who tried to insist that her views
were backed by science, claiming support from a PhD in
astro, until someone actually checked her credentials?
--
Back from the dim mists of time when I once frequented talk.abortion
along with an excess-O and a lamented late friend (using the same
monicker), I remember well Suzanne "A circle has two sides!" Forgach.
However, I doubt if she counts as a loon. If anything, she is just
someone who have an interesting definition of "logic". Good for a
chuckle from time to time, and I remember that the joke above was in
reference to an incident in which she said that a circle obviously has
two sides, since there is an inside and an outside! She always draws
fire from the high-temperature flamers of talk.abortion, although not
all of them flame so well. Amusing, sometimes ("When my cat coughs up
a hairball it makes a 'Forgach' sound." .... James Purdon), but mostly
out of proportion to what Suzanne deserves. She even had a sense of
humour, I realised once with a shock ("To drieux: .......... with
great loathing, Sieuxanne Forgach").
--
Forgach is still her usual cheerful self,
though I tend to agree with you she's not a loon -- she's just brimming with
plain hatred for a lot of people. (You may remember her comment about women
who have pre-marital sex being lower than prostitutes, which comment I took
issue with.)
--
Well, she's certainly not as crazy as our dear friend Michael Courtney, but
her views tend to be so fanatically pro-Catholic that she even has little
(if any) time for rational discourse with Protestants such as Steve Adams
when discussing one of her favorite bugaboos. I'm referring to differences
in theological outlook, of course.
--
Mark V. Shaney:
Contrib. post:
Do you have MVS (Mark V. Shaney) in your list? MVS dates back to about
1985, and was probably the first of the "automated posters" on Usenet. It
would take postings from net.singles and generate new postings by combining
sentence fragments in almost-understandable ways, by using Markov Chain
techniques. (Note the similarity between Mark V. Shaney and Markov Chain.)
It was written up in the Mathematical Games section of Scientific American a
few years ago.
--
Sean P. `Bandwidth' Ryan:
has his own alt.flame.* group. Jumps into the middle of flamewars, generally
without checking the waters first...
Contrib. post (one guess as to whom it's from):
>alt.flame.sean-ryan: The first .flame group to be named after a
>net.personality (though not the first flame group). Created by Eric
>Olson (though forged in my name) in response to an ongoing flame war
>which had been going on for the previous nine months in the local
>newsgroup ua.flame. Specifically, I challenged Eric on the fact that
>he only pretended to be a news administrator but actually wasn't, when
>some people were insisting that I be given my own ua.* group but weren't
>able to do anything about it.
--
Posts as fs...@camelot.acf-lab.alaska.edu (Sean P. Ryan).
OMEGA.MAN :
From rec.arts.comics.misc.
Contrib. post:
Doesn't crosspost. Also doesn't post much, but when he _does_ post you
tend to see 50+ articles all at once, with subjects all in caps. Most of
the time, he follows up to long-since-dead threads. He's famous for
threatening to physically maim a well-respected RACM member, and commonly
follows up to articles from that member by posting insults. At this point
in time, he mostly gets ignored by the folks on RACM.
--
Richard Sexton:
Contrib. post:
So how could you forget Richard Sexton, the guy who created sci.aquaria,
rec.aquaria and alt.aquaria?
--
The Net is full of nasty group creation fights. I was hoping this
wouldn't turn into one. Bear with me, it has applicability to this
fracas, while I reminisce about one of my favorites: the aquarium
reorg about 5 years ago. In the beginning there was only alt.aquaria.
Some sites didn't (and still don't) carry the alt hierarchy and the
group was up to some 40 postings a day, so it was felt that it should
be placed under a more mainstream hierarchy.
To make a long, bitter story short, 99% of the folks thought
rec.aquaria was a good idea but there was this one guy in particular
who just couldn't abide the thought that his endeavor was a mere
recreational hobby; no, his was a scientific persuit of Truth and only
sci.aquaria would suffice. When his vote was shot down a jillion to
one against (he never resorted to vote stacking) he still created his
pet group because, after all, anybody can do so.
Thus, three aquarium groups exist today. Alt never dried up the way
it was supposed to and carries about half the ~100 aquarium
postings/day, rec carries the other half. Some people broadcast their
postings to both alt and rec and occasionally even to sci as well but
the amount of original traffic on sci is, oh, 2 postings a week.
--
[Disclaimer: I wasn't *here* that long ago...]
Frank Schaffer:
Contrib. post:
A local loon is Frank Schaffer. Also known as Promillo. Among his merits
are a .sig displaying an Iron Cross and a firing tank. He posts only to
German newsgroups, such as de.soc.politik, de.soc verkehr (about traffic),
and soc.culture german. His views are that of the reactionary right with
special contempt for anyone who could impose a speed limit on an autobahn.
He is also noted for using the proof by news headlines. Interestingly,
examining the whole message ends up supporting the view of the other side.
Never follows up to debunking, of course.
His views and the story of his life have an uncanny resemblance to those
of a fictional character, "Diederich Hessling", in a novel by Heinrich Mann.
--
Posts from prom...@rbg.informatik.th-darmstadt.de .
Rich Holmes (mcmxciibo):
One of the Inner Circle on alt.fan.warlord; notable for his derivative-kibo
middle name and for his rapier wit, as well as for being able to stuff into
a 4x80 .sig *all* of the following common Blechy .Sig Fillers Used By The
Clueless (as a response, apparently, to Neil "YoYo" Pawson's saying it couldn't
be done): one badly-drawn ASCII Bart simpson, a sword, a Kibo number, the
Vicki Robinson .sig virus, a badly-drawn ASCII map of Australia (with Perth
helpfully indicated), an ASCII bicyclist, a rose, an Amiga check, a fnord,
a Rush quote, an obscure quote, lots of asterisks, no less than *10* borders,
and what appears to be a WordPerfect reference. Unfortunately, this leaves no
room for Captain Whitespace to visit... uses it pretty much solely on
alt.fan.warlord (q.v.) though. Posts as rsho...@gamera.syr.EDU (Rich
'mcmxciibo' Holmes); look for it in the headers 'cuz there might be no room
for it in the .sig ...
Even Steven on alt.sex.bondage.
Contrib. post:
Even Steven has been posting lengthy arguments to a.s.b to the effect that
all dominance/submission relationships are BAD and WRONG. He has mangled
Noam Chomsky's concept of "Manufacturing Consent" (which argues that since
Americans get skewed information on world events from the mass media, their
'consent' to the policies of their government is questionable) to mean that
anyone's consent to any act may have been manufactured; specifically, that
submissives consent to enter dom/sub relationships can never be 'genuine'.
Submissives have argued with him at length, saying that they have freely
chosen to live the lives they lead, to no avail.
--
Rants on the subject; not *immediately* obvious that something's a bit off,
but observation over time leads one to this conclusion, I'm told.
Posts as an6...@anon.penet.fi (Even Steven).
Charles Newman (alt.fan.nicole.bobeck is *my* group, *miiiiine*!):
Infests rec.skate; newgroups badly named alt groups for figure skaters
and cancels people's posts in "his" groups, notably the FAQ on killfiles
posted to rec.skate by tw...@netcom.com . A John Palmer (q.v.) wannabe.
Posts as new...@netcom.com (Charles Newman) [at present].
Honorable Mention:
Ronald van Loon, maintainer of Motif++; quote: "I hate to jump in like this,
but it makes one wonder. What do people have against Loons ? I have been a
Loon almost all my life and I am as sane as a dodo's navel on ice." Included
for obvious reasons... Posts as rvl...@motif.hacktic.nl (Ronald van Loon).
Bob Rahe ("Threat to USSEnet"):
Contrib. post:
One person I think deserves a mention in a list of net.loons is Mr. Bob
Rahe. He popped up on alt.fan.dan-quayle over last summer ['93], with a sig
file that read 'Save whales and kill babies? Don't Liberals just kill
you', and every one of his posts went on about how abortion was horrible,
even if the subject had only been mentioned in passing.
This prompted a memorable post from his sysadmin, with the subject: line
reading 'Bob Rahe - Threat to USEnet'. The sysadmin said that every
subject he posted about in his home network ended up in a flamewar over
abortion. The sysadmin concluded that Bob Rahe had a psychological need
to go on and on about it, and was therefore deserving of protective
status under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
--
5.0 ----------------------------------------------
Also Nominated, but with little or no information:
Andrew Beckwith (Net.canary to the uranium mine that is UseNet):
Hounded out of talk.bizarre and alt.religion.kibology; a user of erratic
spacing and, inappropriate comma's and apostrophes. Quote:
--
For your information, I Andrew Beckwith, live in Pittsburgh, Pa. My parents
live near Stanford University, Califorina.
Nice try. Merey off by almost 3000 miles.
Try again/
Andrew Beckwith
--
Posts as "Andrew W. Beckwith" <ab...@andrew.cmu.edu>.
Jim Bowery: ?
John DiNardo: (whose voluminous multipart postings inspired a subject line
"Part 1: Is the CIA putting acid in John Dinardo's Coffee?")
Stephen Chaney:
Contrib. post:
Second-handly, I got the report
also from talk.abortion (after I stopped posting there) of one
Stephen Chaney, who seem to consider himself an airplane of some sort
and runs around making "whoosh" sounds (I am not sure of the details
but he is reputedly sticking to alt.fan.rush-limbaugh nowadays).
--
He's not even there very much, now. He retreated from there to spending his
time on IRC, and apparently is marrying (or has married, already) a student at
E. New Mexico U. he met on IRC.
--
David J. Rasmussen (thanks for not killing me, mommy!):
Contrib. post:
Actually, if ever there was a certified net.loon in
talk.abortion, I'm surprised you missed the obvious choice: David J. "thanks
for not killing me, mommy!" Rasmussen. I'd vote for him, but then I may be
biased by the fact that he actually traveled all the way to Houston from
Raleigh to confront me -- and he couldn't figure out that I was normally home
asleep at the hour he showed up at the RUPD offices demanding they arrest me.
(It made my day to be awakened by a late-afternoon phone call from an RUPD
officer asking if I knew anyone by DJR's name, and when I answered that I did,
being informed that he was on campus looking for me. 1992 May 27 -- a date to
remember, for sure.)
--
Is he the one (I think he was-he's a Texan) who believes women who have
abortions should be drawn and quartered so they can understand how the fetus
feels? No, wait-he believes that only women who have had more than one abortion
should have that done (The rest should be executed normally).
--
Dave Nalle:
And there is always Dave Nalle, on the r.g.frp.* groups, who
KNOWS the True Way of Gaming.
Contrib. post:
Ah, yes. Nalle created and is marketting his own frp system. He is...
rather intolerant of criticism on his system, but I've never looked at
the system. In a fascinating tautology, I refuse to look at his system
because of the way he deals with posts which criticize it. A great
reminder to those who think PR is unimportant.
--
Han de Bruijn:
Contrib. post:
Used to post to sci.math and cause a lot of heated discussions with his
"A little bit of physics would be NO idleness in mathematics" threads.
He apparently was told to stop posting by his employer, and began writing
a 'Series of Unified Numerical Analysis' (SUNA) - I didn't read them, so they
might not be loon articles, though. Unfortunately, I couldn't find his own
ftp archive, which should be in the Netherlands, and his postings of suna are
nowadays very rare.
--
Mr. Lionel Tun:
of talk.origins and ForTun Cookie Quotes; also of uk.misc .
Kalki Dasa:
also of talk.origins...
Jeff X. Mink (I am a false prophet): ?
Kenneth Arndt:
apparently from talk.abortion.
Contrib. post:
And I should point out that a couple of nights ago ABC's Nightline ran
a report on the "deadly force" branch of the anti-abortion movement.
At one point they showed a list of people who had signed a declaration
that any force necessary, including homicide, is justified against
abortionists. Among the signatures was one Kenneth Arndt. Remember him?
--
The most magnificent piece of his writing I have ever read was posted
to net.motss (I _think_ it was pre-Great-Renaming), and titled "The
Monkey and the Beachball". I would be VERY grateful to see that again, or
to know how to contact Mr. Arndt in hopes that he can provide it.
Splendid, simply, horrifically splendid....
--
Well Jesus Monroy Jr will always have a place in the global killfile
[surely "heart"?] of many readers of the comp hierarchy (especially
comp.os.*).
When I used to read uk.* (I actually live in the UK, don't be misled by the
hostname), Ken Johnson stuck out in my mind for being a pretty froody dude;
he even had an alt.fan.* group created in his honour, but then he seemed to
disappear... must have got a better job, or something.
I don't suppose regional groups qualify for the list though.
--
Posts to talk.bizarre ...
Davorin Dujomvic (sp?)
Jonathon E.D. Richmond (How many jews does it take to shut down a
newsgroup): ?
Don_-_Showen:
from sci.skeptic. Posts as Don_-_Showen@cup@portal.com; the "_-_" appears
to be a cup.portal.com artifact...
George Carter:
Contrib. post:
On that note, I would like to nominate George Carter. He has been
ranting, raving, and carry-on consistantly for quite some time now.
He has earn his own spot in the comp.sys.hp.* FAQ and probably has
more kill files with his name in it than any.
--
Herman Rubin (Modern programming languages aren't what I need): ?
Contrib. post:
Rubin has strong feelings about all kinds of things--Bayesian probability,
the proper role of a statistical consultant, space exploration, medicine.
--
Joachim Martillo Ajami (multiple middle names elided):
Contrib. post:
who, until approximately a year ago, polluted most
soc.culture.* groups with diatribes as to (pick the culture)'s primitiveness
and need for recolonization by the enlighted West.
--
>Does anyone remember Juan Carlo Santos Martillo Ajami? (I may have got
>the name slightly wrong) Is he still around?
Oh, I _do_ remember Martillo. He occasionally posts to talk.politics.mideast,
but he seems to've (thankfully) ceased infesting the soc.culture newsgroups
he used to turn up at.
> About 3 years ago he
>used to post on various politics groups: usually deliberately
>inflammatory stuff like "Time to Suspend and Dismantle India". Basic
>view-point seemed to be a very right wing "America can do nothing wrong".
At one time, Mark Crispin (who seems to've disappeared from the net entirely)
referred to him as a LaRouchie, although I'm not sure how that connects to
Martillo's "the Third World is inhabited by savages and colonialism is good
for them" party line, which is something he seems to repeat just about every
time he posts.
>When I once took him to task for a particularly outrageous
>round of this I got a barely-coherent e-mail accusing me of favouring
>Stalinism and baby-killing.
You actually got _Email_ from him? Hmmm. He never bothered mailing me after I
flamed him on a few occasions...
>The "Ajami" part of the name appeared _ex_nihilo_ one day after he
>claimed to have had a Moslem great-uncle in Palestine who was murdered
>for collaborating with the Jews (or something like that). He also showed
>up on soc.religion.islam, but I don't know what his religious views are.
Presumably orthodox Loonyism. He seems the type. >:)
--
Tony Hollick ("Photon energies are quantised" & "My Doctor told me the KGB
killed my parents"):
Posts as and...@cix.compulink.co.uk ; a UK phenomenon.
Don Showen:
on sci.skeptic.
Rich Rosen:
Contrib. post:
I just realized the list is also missing Rich Rosen, one of the earliest
net.legends, who back around 1986 produced so many voluminous postings
that there were rumors of rooms of people writing for him.
--
Mark "We must colonize Venus right NOW!" Sobolewski:
Contrib. post:
from sci.space (where I only lurked, never posted) who is said to frequent
groups such as alt.feminism and soc.men, spouting non-stop that men have it
a lot worse than women in this society and how women is always trying to
exploit him;
--
Maybe I'm reading the wrong newsgroups, but Sobolewski seems to have
disappeared...
--
Kevin Darcy (Kibbles):
Contrib. post:
who seem to draw fire from all flamers alike on any group (when I last
dipped into soc.men, I saw a lengthy flamewar with him committed firmly
on some side) but actually have a measure of intelligence (at least as of
1991, when I last posted actively in any group except rec.games.*);
--
of course, these days in t.a, Darcy is just a minor irritation
compared to the all-out attempt to see how many variations of the same
one-note song Keegan (q.v.) can devise and post. It's almost enough to make me
wish Ralph Taite would come back...
--
Keven Darcey AKA "Kibbles" (ask Ted Frank for details...)
Loon 2nd Class, with dog food cluster.
--
James Keegan:
Contrib. post:
who must qualify as a BOT of some sort, flaming away at anything at a drop
of a hat and not necessarily at any particular doctrine or ideology-- when
I made the last-mentioned dip into soc.men a killfile for crossposts
nailed about 500 posts out of 1,000 with him in a flamefest of some
kind involving people who looks like pro-choicers from talk.abortion
(i.e. people who he was _nominally_ on the same side with).
--
He's back, and is at number 6 on the #-of-articles lists... looks like he's
frequenting talk.abortion, alt.feminism, soc.men, soc.women, and
alt.abortion.inequity (and fails the 50% test, by the way: his percentages
in the news.lists postings add up to > 50%, indicating massive concentration
on only a few newsgroups).
Posts as kee...@helios.ACM.RPI.EDU (James G. Keegan Jr.)
Doctress Neutopia:
Posts on The Gaia Religion and Neutopian Thought... has a scheme for planetary
salvation involving arcologies, feminist lovolution, worship of Gaia.
Her thesis can be found by ftp at bertha.pyramid.com, /pub/leri/Neutopia.
Posts as neut...@titan.ucs.umass.edu (Doctress Neutopia).
6.0 ______________________________________________________________________
Things We Could Have Called This But Didn't:
Net.Loons FAQ
Net.Celebrities
Net.Personalities
Butterfly.Net
Net Butterflies
Net.Prophets.and.Losses (The (Un)Balance(d) Sheet)
From the Depths of the Net
Jane's Guide to Birdwatching on the Net
At Large in the Net
If You Thought AFU Was Weird...
net.30
Pick of the Litter
Catch of the Day(s)
Caught in the Net
Sounds Fishy To Me
UseLessNet
While Trolling Thru the Net One Day
Post.Holes
Anti.Matters
net.weight (Contents May Have Settled During Shipping)
Net.Infamous.Posters
UseNUTS (Dan "Which makes the rest of us UseBOLTS" Case)
net.singularities ("Isn't that where Kibo is dividing Spot by zero?"
"WAAAAAH!")
Netorious / Net.Notorious
net.pinatas
Spot the Net.Loony
Canadian Coins Explained
Infamous.net
Cranks and their Cases
7.0 ________________________________
Credits: This FAQ would not have been possible without several people: Bill
vanHorne, the original "volunteer" to write it; the person who said "we should
write a FAQ about this" when the question came up for the nth time "who *was*
McElwaine, anyway, and why are you all still talking about him?"; the good
people on alt.folklore.urban and alt.folklore.computers, and elsewhere, who
contributed to the Call for Loons thread (many of whose posts are quoted here,
with credit given below); Dave DeLaney, who in a moment of insanity volunteered
to help Bill; people all over UseNet who critiqued individual bits when
presented; and of course, the Net.Legends themselves, without whom none of
this would have been necessary. Contributing were (whether they know it or
not): kibo, Ted Frank, Peter Trei, Larry Wall, james dolan, Jeremy Reimer,
Sea Wasp, Lewis Stiller, Joel Furr, Andrew Bulhak, Sean P. Ryan; Don Porges,
Dan Case, Lee Rudolph, Bill Sinkins, Stephen Watson, Scott H. Mullins, Paul
Tomblin, RICHARD JOHN AKIS, Bob Tinsley, Thomas C. Allard, Sean Malloy, Dik T.
Winter, David Lesher, John Gilmore, Eddie Saxe, Mike Godwin, Charlie Gibbs,
Mark Eckenwiler, Peter Lindsey, Scott Forbes, Marcelo Magnasco, Pat Hayes, Mike
Swaim, Jonathan Papai, Jason R. Heimbaugh, Mark Brader, 5150 (Ron Echeverri),
Rob Jellinghaus, Arne Adolfsen, Ariel Faigon, Matthew B. Landry, Chris Lewis,
Jim Wise, Perry Metzger, Chandra L. Morgan-Henley, Henry Robertson, The_Doge,
Mark McCullough, Iain Sinclair, Peter D. Hampe, David_Moursund, Mary Shafer,
Bernd Meyer, Jason Durbin, Robbie Westmoreland, Bill Duetschler, Jamie R.
McCarthy, Barry Shein, Steven Miale, Tom Lane, Steve Hayman, thomas a lloyd,
Christopher Neufeld, Snakes of Medusa (mathew), Thomas Jelonek, Bill Bogstad,
Curt Hagenlocher, Richard Trott, Jim Jewett, John Ockerbloom, Raphael Carter,
Chris Krolczyk, Edward C. Bennett, Richard Caley, Paul O'Brien, Jim Davis,
Brendan Hassett, Bill Irion, Timo Salmi, Joseph M. Saul, Scott Drellishak,
Faisal Nameer Jawdat, john baez, Greg Hudson, Mike Mcnally, Ken Shirriff,
Alan Jaffray, Greg Galcik, yangboy (B.Y.), Trygve Lode, Eric Jaron Stieglitz,
Bill Nelson, Joel B. Levin, Patrick L. Humphrey, Brad Allen, Robin Chauhan,
Ketil M. Malde, Ben Jackson, Nick Szabo, Theo Mora, Matt Brown, Mitchell
Porter,
Brad `Squid' Shapcott, David Boothroyd, Guy Harris, eric schwartz, and Warren
Burstein of the four-legged shin. If you're on this list, you contributed or
posted *something*; good luck in finding it... if you'd rather your
*particular*
here-included email contribution not appear here, even anonymously, contact me
(emailed legal threats excluded; I'm counting posts as "fair game")...
Corrections, updates, new sightings of little-known legends, new nominations,
etc., may be posted to alt.usenet.kooks; *please* crosspost to one of
alt.folklore.urban, alt.religion.kibology, or alt.folklore.computers (as one
of the people writing this FAQ does not get alt.usenet.kooks at their site).
Also note that martha.utcc.utk.edu, where dbd usually posts from, is officially
Not Involved in this; if you wanna complain to someone, see below.
Compilation copyright (only) d...@enigma.phys.utk.edu (David DeLaney); this
does not claim that individual contributors' copyrights have been transferred,
only that the compilation and original portions thereof are copyright. Please
feel free to distribute freely, charging no-one.