No personals on alt.polyamory (was Re: New to the group, an AZ triad)
Serene
John & Amanda & LT-B wrote:
> Hiya folks,
>
> We are what most refer to as a triad...yes a genuine FMF poly triad.
Gosh, really? We never get THOSE here. ;-)
Anyway, you're welcome to stick around and join in the discussions,
but personal ads are not welcome here.
Serene
--
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Cheryl Martin
ChickPea <E-0C0013...@cleopatra.co.uk> wrote:
>In alt.polyamory, (Serene) wrote in <47044984...@serenepages.org>::
>
>>[posted and emailed]
>>
>>John & Amanda & LT-B wrote:
>> > Hiya folks,
>> >
>> > We are what most refer to as a triad...yes a genuine FMF poly triad.
>>
>>Gosh, really? We never get THOSE here. ;-)
>>
>>Anyway, you're welcome to stick around and join in the discussions,
>>but personal ads are not welcome here.
>
>that there are no unfilled bonds :)
>
>While it was perhaps a *little* over-spec for an intro, it didn't quite
>come across as a personal ad to me.
It is almost exactly what he posted to the local poly list as well. I
guess it is his way of introducing himself.
Cheryl
--
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Serene
>>
>> John & Amanda & LT-B wrote:
>>> Hiya folks,
>>>
>>> We are what most refer to as a triad...yes a genuine FMF poly triad.
>> Gosh, really? We never get THOSE here. ;-)
>>
>> Anyway, you're welcome to stick around and join in the discussions,
>> but personal ads are not welcome here.
>
> that there are no unfilled bonds :)
Personal ads looking for friends are still personal ads, in my opinion.
Serene
--
Spin the auto-sig generator, and she says:
"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the
human intelligence long enough to get money from it." -- Stephen
Leacock
Steve Pope
>In alt.polyamory, (Serene) wrote in <5mkcpeF...@mid.individual.net>::
>>Personal ads looking for friends are still personal ads, in my opinion.
>Don't get me wrong, there was definitely a touch of TMI about it- but not
>essentially different from: "Anyone around here from $STATE?".
To me what makes this particular post a personal is that it
is the first post from a person who generally describes himself
and then asks if anyone wants to meet, all in one post.
(That's not necessarily the only form of personal, but it
is sufficient to make it a personal.)
Steve
al...@stillwater.com
Well, you guys helped me to realize this is not the NG for me. I haven't
closed the door on polyamory, I think that is right for me. It seems odd to
me that a group of folks would react so quickly and negatively to a person
that obviously wanted a place in this group. I did not consider the
introduction of his children and family as odd, nor did I sense that he was
working a hidden agenda. Yes, his approach was personal, just as a handshake
or face to face introduction is personal. That is exactly how I communicate,
on a personal level.
Best wishes,
Alan
wtf
"John & Amanda & LT-B" <John.E....@gmail.com> posted way too much
personal information in message
news:1191460548.5...@19g2000hsx.googlegroups.com...
> Our son ******* is a real dynamo. Of course at 6 years old...aren't
> they all? He enjoys watching noggin, playing, mommy and daddy time,
> and traveling. He loves motels, (is this an omen?) race cars, big
> trucks, and motorcycles.
Sorry guys and girls, (okay we really don't
> know if he is bi, straight, or whatever...I just wanted to cover all
> the possibilities) he is not dating right now.
>
> Our daughter ****** is growing like a weed. She is 9 years old and
> going on 25. She enjoys playing with friends, music, art, and social
> studies. She is in the third grade and doing well. She likes to write
> and draw.
She is also not dating.
This has to be a joke, or a prank. WTF!
David Weinshenker
> > (That's not necessarily the only form of personal, but it
> > is sufficient to make it a personal.)
> >
> > Steve
>
> Well, you guys helped me to realize this is not the NG for me. I haven't
> closed the door on polyamory, I think that is right for me. It seems odd to
> me that a group of folks would react so quickly and negatively to a person
> that obviously wanted a place in this group. I did not consider the
> introduction of his children and family as odd, nor did I sense that he was
> working a hidden agenda. Yes, his approach was personal, just as a handshake
> or face to face introduction is personal. That is exactly how I communicate,
> on a personal level.
I don't think it was the "personal" nature of the OP's
introduction as such that people were reacting negatively
to, but rather to the inclusion of material such as:
----
"So if you're from our end of the valley,
drop us a note and maybe we can do coffee."
----
which caused the original message to constitute "a personal".
Note that "personal", as a noun, is used here as a contraction
of "personal ad" - i.e., a specific attempt to use newsgroup
messages to seek people for meatlife contacts. This is generally
frowned upon in newsgroups intended for conversation, and many
people consider it appropriate to be perfectly strict about that
sort of thing, lest the newsgroup be overrun with "wanna hook up"
messages without conversational content or intent.
-dave w
al...@stillwater.com
On 5-Oct-2007, ChickPea <E-0C0013...@cleopatra.co.uk> wrote:
> I have to agree: if you're that easily offended, this is not the NG for
> you. In fact, unless there's an alt.fluffy-bunnies-kittens-and-rainbows,
> I
> don't know where on usenet you're gonna fit in.
> --
> Marc
>
> I'm a meta-vegetarian; I only eat herbivores. (Ian Cargill)
Gee thanks Marc, maybe alt.warm-fuzzies would be a good place for me to
check out too.
Alan
al...@stillwater.com
On 5-Oct-2007, David Weinshenker <daz...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> I don't think it was the "personal" nature of the OP's
> introduction as such that people were reacting negatively
> to, but rather to the inclusion of material such as:
> ----
> "So if you're from our end of the valley,
> drop us a note and maybe we can do coffee."
> ----
> which caused the original message to constitute "a personal".
>
> Note that "personal", as a noun, is used here as a contraction
> of "personal ad" - i.e., a specific attempt to use newsgroup
> messages to seek people for meatlife contacts. This is generally
> frowned upon in newsgroups intended for conversation, and many
> people consider it appropriate to be perfectly strict about that
> sort of thing, lest the newsgroup be overrun with "wanna hook up"
> messages without conversational content or intent.
>
> -dave w
Thanks for your reply Dave,
I do understand the importance of preventing messages that are aimed at
promoting the "meatlife." There are other forums that are appropriate for
that. Part of my confusion about the groups response is that people tend to
gravitate toward places that they are accepted. At least for the most part,
the exception being that some folks love controversy and aim themselves
toward the heat. I thought that the OP was approaching the group from the
standpoint of wanting acceptance and fitting in. I suspect it's senseless to
debate his intentions; however, for me it is important to be with like
minded people.
Alan
Serene
> I do understand the importance of preventing messages that are aimed at
> promoting the "meatlife." There are other forums that are appropriate for
> that.
Exactly. And that was pointed out pretty gently, I thought.
> Part of my confusion about the groups response is that people tend to
> gravitate toward places that they are accepted. At least for the most part,
> the exception being that some folks love controversy and aim themselves
> toward the heat. I thought that the OP was approaching the group from the
> standpoint of wanting acceptance and fitting in. I suspect it's senseless to
> debate his intentions; however, for me it is important to be with like
> minded people.
For me, it's important to be with people who respect me and the
social spaces I'm in. In this case, it would have taken nothing
more than sticking around for a bit to realize that personals aren't
the way things are done here. (And if the person knows Usenet at
all, they would know to check the group's FAQ, which states the
no-personals rule at the very outset.)
That said, I don't think posting a personal ad is the end of the
world, and I don't think anyone's asking the original poster to go
away and never return. It's just that around here, it's all about
the discussion, and those of us who like that about this space are
pretty careful to make sure it doesn't turn into ad space rather
than discussion space.
Serene
--
Spin the auto-sig generator, and she says:
Wit levels low. Attempting to compensate.
Aahz Maruch
>
>Well, you guys helped me to realize this is not the NG for me. I
>haven't closed the door on polyamory, I think that is right for me. It
>seems odd to me that a group of folks would react so quickly and
>negatively to a person that obviously wanted a place in this group. I
>did not consider the introduction of his children and family as odd,
>nor did I sense that he was working a hidden agenda. Yes, his approach
>was personal, just as a handshake or face to face introduction is
>personal. That is exactly how I communicate, on a personal level.
Keep in mind that *some* people objected to the original post while
other people objected to the objection -- since they stated my opinion
perfectly well, I didn't feel the need to add to the dogpile in the
latter camp. Yes, the original post had some elements of a personal ad,
but Serene's response was far too harsh IMO.
Also, precisely because this isn't a fluffy place, there's often little
agreement about what's appropriate here, and a killfile does wonders for
one's stress level. (Bill Hendrickson is but the latest addition to
mine.)
--
Hugs and backrubs -- I break Rule 6 http://rule6.info/
<*> <*> <*>
"I guess I prefer to just have sex with my partners, without bringing my
God into it, except maybe as a sort of omniscient voyeur." --JD-O'C
Aahz Maruch
>
> [...]
Oh, for fuck's sake. Now I know "Bill Hendrickson" is a troll; this
anonymous poster is also posting from aioe.org.
al...@stillwater.com
On 5-Oct-2007, Serene <ser...@serenepages.org> wrote:
> For me, it's important to be with people who respect me and the
> social spaces I'm in. In this case, it would have taken nothing
> more than sticking around for a bit to realize that personals aren't
> the way things are done here. (And if the person knows Usenet at
> all, they would know to check the group's FAQ, which states the
> no-personals rule at the very outset.)
Respect is important to me as well. My initial thoughts were that the
original poster was being disrespected.
I may have interpreted the response of the group incorrectly.
Alan
al...@stillwater.com
On 5-Oct-2007, aa...@pobox.com (Aahz Maruch) wrote:
> Also, precisely because this isn't a fluffy place, there's often little
> agreement about what's appropriate here, and a killfile does wonders for
> one's stress level.
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. I like your flower pictures. I know enough
about orchids that I don't kill them with care. I have several blooming
right now.
Alan
Kai Jones
>I may have interpreted the response of the group incorrectly.
That right there, that's part of the problem. It's endemic and
possibly unavoidable, but that part of the problem keeps coming up.
There is no "response of the group." There are individual responses,
and not even all of those were posted. Mine, for example, took place
entirely inside my head-I didn't communicate it to anyone. If you
think about what would have changed your perception of "the group"
versus the individuals who chose to post, you might get to why you
decided to extrapolate the very limited response (how many people
posted? Five or six? And not all negative, even) you saw to the
entire group of people who regularly post here (which varies but is
rarely fewer than a dozen in any particular week), let alone the ones
who read but don't post often.
Perhaps, like me, you are someone who looks for reasons to feel
rejected even when that's not the intent.
--
Kai Jones sni...@pacifier.com
"Comme c'est curieux, comme c'est bizarre et quelle coincidence!" La Cantatrice Chauve by Ionesco
al...@stillwater.com
Hello Kai,
You are correct, I did base my perception of the "group" on the response of
only a few people.
It is curious that the process occurred so quickly without me giving it much
thought. I did not feel rejected. I felt an
urge to protect the guy that posted. I felt bad that he wasn't received in a
different fashion. It is possible that I was
projecting my own feelings. I'll give that possibility more consideration.
Introspection is something that I embrace. I'm an INFJ
so for me its as natural as night and day. I apologize for labeling the
"group" so quickly. Mea Culpa
Alan
Serene
My response, which may have been too terse, was to welcome the
poster and point out that personals aren't welcome here. When the
poster contacted me in email, the exchange between us was, by my
reckoning, friendly and respectful. I don't think that it's
disrespectful to point out the custom of a group to a new person who
enters the group and doesn't appear aware of the custom. Now, if I
had said "You clueless git, don't you know not to post personals
here? Yeesh!" I could see your point.
Serene
--
Spin the auto-sig generator, and she says:
"The foolish reject what they see and not what they think; the
wise reject what they think and not what they see." [Huang Po]
ran dom
<al...@stillwater.com> wrote in message news:rxvNi.28$C2.8@trnddc02...
My initial thoughts were that the
> original poster was being disrespected.
It's a fakepost. How anyone could have taken it at face value is beyond
comprehension.
random
> original poster was being disrespected.
It's a fakepost. How anyone could have taken it at face value is beyond
comprehension.
Aahz Maruch
Doug Wickstrom <nims...@comcast.net> wrote:
>On Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:39:19 GMT, al...@stillwater.com wrote:
>>
>>Respect is important to me as well. My initial thoughts were that the
>>original poster was being disrespected.
>
>one.
Anything you say, Nero.
Aahz Maruch
Doug Wickstrom <nims...@comcast.net> wrote:
>On 6 Oct 2007 03:39:36 -0700, aa...@pobox.com (Aahz Maruch) wrote:
>>In article <ou9eg3daluebr0qfg...@4ax.com>,
>>Doug Wickstrom <nims...@comcast.net> wrote:
>>>On Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:39:19 GMT, al...@stillwater.com wrote:
>>>>
>>>>Respect is important to me as well. My initial thoughts were that the
>>>>original poster was being disrespected.
>>>
>>>Aaargh! "Disrespect" is not a verb. Please don't treat it like
>>>one.
>>
>>Anything you say, Nero.
>
Not in the slightest, but perhaps you're not familiar with the reference.
Try, "Contact is not a verb under this roof."
Ted Eisenstein
> That said, I don't think posting a personal ad is the end of the world,
> and I don't think anyone's asking the original poster to go away and
> never return. It's just that around here, it's all about the discussion,
> and those of us who like that about this space are pretty careful to
> make sure it doesn't turn into ad space rather than discussion space.
One should note, too, that sometimes the discussion gets somewhat, umm,
lively. This isn't always a cocktail party with quiet talk of high
content in amongst the clinking of martini glasses; sometimes it
resembles a college lunch-table with radical meat-eating conservatives,
rabid hippy vegans, and in-your-face yo-mama! moderates all talking
about that new <news topic of the day>.
Ted, a fervent moderate, mostly
Louise
wrote:
Oh! I know that place - I eat there about twice a week.
I like this place, too.
Louise, with Thanksgiving greetings.
Aahz Maruch
Louise <onlyl...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>Louise, with Thanksgiving greetings.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Louise
>In article <kl4gg311mvl79is7a...@4ax.com>,
>Louise <onlyl...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>Louise, with Thanksgiving greetings.
>
>Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you! Turkey in the fridge, pie ingredients bought, guest list
RVSPed, should be fun!
The acquaintances I always see at Thanksgiving on their way to a
southern winter, today gave me a tour of their recreational vehicle
too. Fun!
Louise
Rob Wynne
> On Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:39:19 GMT, al...@stillwater.com wrote:
>
>>
>>> For me, it's important to be with people who respect me and the
>>> social spaces I'm in. In this case, it would have taken nothing
>>> more than sticking around for a bit to realize that personals aren't
>>> the way things are done here. (And if the person knows Usenet at
>>> all, they would know to check the group's FAQ, which states the
>>> no-personals rule at the very outset.)
>>
>>Respect is important to me as well. My initial thoughts were that the
>>original poster was being disrespected.
>
> one.
>
Eh?
Disrespect, v. trans. The reverse of to respect; to have or
show no respect, regard, or reverence for; to treat with irreverence.
1614 WITHER Sat. to King, Juvenilia (1633) 346 Here can I smile to
see..how the mean mans suit is dis-respected. 1633 BP. HALL Hard Texts
N.T. 11 If he love the one he must disrespect the other. 1683 CAVE
Ecclesiastici 231 (Basil) To honor him, and dis-respect his Friend, was
to stroke a man's head with one hand, and strike him with the other.
1706 HEARNE Collect. 26 Apr., He was disrespected in Oxford by several
men who now speak well of him. 1852 L. HUNT Poems Pref. 27 As if..sorrow
disrespected things homely. 1885 G. MEREDITH Diana I. 257 You will judge
whether he disrespects me.
--
Rob Wynne / The Autographed Cat / d...@america.net
http://www.autographedcat.com/ / http://autographedcat.livejournal.com/
Gafilk 2008: Jan 11-13, 2008 - Atlanta, GA - http://www.gafilk.org/
Aphelion - Original SF&F since 1997 - http://www.aphelion-webzine.com/
Chris Malcolm
> Eh?
You shouldn't even have to show long prior usage, although that's
often necessary in order to calm down people who don't know how
language works. Even without any prior usage "respect" is a verb and
"dis" is a perfectly proper prefix to add to it to negate its meaning.
I think it's about time we in the Anglophone countries started
teaching our children English again in our schools. In these days of
cheap travel and emigration not doing so is giving an embarrassing
advantage to well-educated foreigners whose native language isn't
English.
--
Chris Malcolm c...@infirmatics.ed.ac.uk DoD #205
IPAB, Informatics, JCMB, King's Buildings, Edinburgh, EH9 3JZ, UK
[http://www.dai.ed.ac.uk/homes/cam/]