6 principles I try to live by
PolyGirl
I recognize that when you love someone, anyone, that this love is
valuable and something to be embraced rather than feared. I will not
ask you to give up on this love or to compromise that love. I would
want you to treat anyone, whom you're in love with, with as much care
and love as is neccessary. And I *trust* you will do the same for
*us*.
2)
If you feel that someone is deserving of your love (and this includes
that this person recognises, accepts and values the love that *we*
share in the way that I described it above), if that person is making
you happy and not being with that person would leave a hole in your
heart, then I *am* supportive of that love. You deserve to have as
much love in your life as possible. However, it is unlikely that I'll
encourage you to look for or be happy with you more or less actively
looking for love from other women, simply cause at heart, I *am*
selfish and don't want to share you, your love, your time. :P
3)
I *trust*, I need to trust, that you are committed to our
relationship, that you put as much love and care into *our*
relationship as it needs in order to be loving, healthy, fullfilling
and working. That you will do anything it takes to protect our love
and our relationship. And I trust that if there is something wrong in
our relationship, you'll choose to work on it *with me* instead of
fleeing into the arms of another woman (i.e. to use polyamory as an
excuse for not working on an existing relationship). It is easy to
postpone acknowledging and dealing with issues by focussing on another
love/relationship. The same way, I trust that you don't use me to flee
from the problems of another relationship you have. I also accept that
your ways of showing your committment, your way of protecting our love
may be different from my own. But I trust you *fully*, I trust your
judgement and your choices.
4)
As long as I love you, I *will* fear losing you and the love we share.
(I might also fear being deprived, i.e. getting too little of what I
want and feel I deserve). And sometimes these fears will manifest
themselves in jealousy. But by acknowledging the very valid fear of
losing you and the love we share, I can accept it as *one* possibilty
in an uncertain life and watch it from the outside and recognize it
rather than be swallowed by it.
5)
I will always be honest with you about my feelings and wants. And I
recognize that you are neither *responsible* for my feelings (e.g.,
for *making* me happy) nor are you oblidged to *comply* with my wants.
You are responsible for treating me with love, respect and care. You
are responsible for acknowledging my feelings and wants and to care
(as opposed to ignoring them) and to explain to me, why you make the
choices you make. And to judge whether or not you *really are
committed to this and doing everything you can*. It is your
responsibilty to be honest with me.
6) I don't and won't actively look for another man/love/relationship.
But I *will* stay open to the possibility of love.
And should that happen, all these points apply in the very same way.
<3