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Greg

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May 12, 1999, 3:00:00 AM5/12/99

Political Jokes

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Bill Clinton and his driver were going to Air Force One and were passing a
farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly. The driver tried to get out of
the way,but he hit him. He went in the farm to explain what had happened. He
came out with a beer,a cigar,and a tons of money. Bill saw this and said,
"My God, what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "I told them that I'm
Bill Clintons' driver and I just killed the pig.

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A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there
was a lot more traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the
traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he
asked the cop what was wrong. The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis
situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5
million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is
threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire." The marine asked
the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for
the president so I am going car to car asking for donations." The marine
asked, "How much do you have so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now
only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"

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One day about a month ago, Bill Clinton was looking for a call girl. He
found three such ladies in a local lounge---a blonde , a brunette , and a
redhead. To the blonde he said , "I am the president of the united states.
How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" The blonde replied,
"Two hundred dollars." To the brunette he posed the same question , and she
replied, "One hundred dollars."He then asked the redhead the same question.
The redhead replied, "Mr. President , if you can raise my skirt as high as
my taxes.... Get my panties as low as my wages...get that thing of yours as
hard as the times... Keep it high as the gas prices...keep me warmer than my
apartment...and...screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe
me Mr. President , it ain't gonna cost you a cent."

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At a meeting for peace negotiations Bill Clinton and Sadamm Hussein were in
Baghdad and when bill sat down in the conference room he noticed Saddamm
with three buttons on the arm of his chair. after a few minutes Sadamm
pressed the first button and a boxing glove sprung up and hit Bill square in
the jaw. In the spirit of peace Bill decided to ignore this and continued
talking until sadamm pressed the second button and a wooden bat swung out
and hill Bill in the chin. Sadamm started laughing. But again Bill ignored
this and continued . A minute later Bill saw Sadamm press the third button
and he jumped in the air. But a big boot sprung out and hit him in the
balls. Bill had decided he had enough of this and when back home.

Three weeks later the peace negotiations were re-scheduled in Washington and
as Sadamm sat down in Bills conference room he noticed Bill had three
buttons on the arm of his chair. A little while after they started talking
Bill pressed the first button but nothing happened, Bill started giggling.
They continued to talk then Bill pressed the second button, Sadamm moved but
again nothing happened. Sadamm was getting a little jumpy and Bill was
laughing even harder. A few minutes later Bill pressed the third button and
stared pissing himself but like the others nothing happened. Sadamm had
enough of this, stood up and said "That's it! I'm going back to Baghdad!" ,
to which Bill replied "What Baghdad?"

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The first ladies of UK, Russia and France were having a meeting with Lady
Hilary Clinton. The subject of discussion was the penis of their respective
spouse. The first lady of UK says, "It is like a gentle man- it stands up,
as soon as I enter the room" The lady from Russia says, "It is like an army
officer- you do not know where he will attack from- front or back.." The
French lady says, "It is like the screen in the auditorium- once the act is
performed, it drops down..." Then Hilary says, "It's like a rumor... it
moves from one mouth to another..."

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Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together
in the Midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and
tosses them thousands of yards away. When they come down and extract
themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the land of Oz. They
decide to go to see the Wizard of Oz. Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the
Wizard for a brain." Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a
heart." Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"

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Clinton walks out into his garden one day and in the snow he says "bastard"
written in piss. He is so outraged he goes into the oval office and calls
the CIA and FBI to tell them to find out who did this horrible thing to his
garden. So they go out and investigate and when they return they say "Well
Bill, we've got bad news and we've got worse news, which one would you like
to hear first?" And Bill says, "What's the bad news?" The agent replies, "It
was Al Gore." Agast Bill yells,"That dirty no good son of a bitch!!!!!
What's the worse news?" So the agent says, "It was Hillary's handwriting..."

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The Clinton's and the Gores are travelling aboard Air Force One. Bill
Clinton looks out the window and says, "You know, I bet I could drop a
$10,000 bill out the window and make one person very happy!" Al Gore
comments, "Yes, but I could drop ten $1000 bills out the window, and make
ten people very happy." Hillary Clinton says, "True, but I could drop one
hundred $100 bills out the window, and make one hundred people very happy.
Chelsea responds, "Big deal! I could drop all of you out the window, and
make the whole country happy!"

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Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After
the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed
before him.

The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink. The
minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a
brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"

The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm
sorry, I didn't know there was a choice. I'll have the same thing he's
having."

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Greg

unread,

May 12, 1999, 3:00:00 AM5/12/99

Religious Jokes

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God said to Adam, "I've got some good news and some bad news. First the good
news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news... I've only given
you enough blood to work one of them at a time!"

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Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of
the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the
door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the
huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He
walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to
install these blinds?"

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Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come
this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first
if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter
told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well,
once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water
and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of
the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said,
"Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

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A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes,
wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her Preacher about
this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible.
He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. So
they put the four parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male
parrots, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot said
to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to heaven!"

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Q. What kind of meat does the pope eat?

A. Nun.

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Q. What was the First Commandment?

A. "Adam, eat my pussy."

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A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot
missed and said, "Fuck, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don't use
that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit
his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I fuck
'n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don't
use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot
and once again he couldn't help mutter, "Oh fuck." The priest said, "That's
it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down
and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".

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One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (of course due to the population
explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each person a question about the
bible before they can enter. Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to
get into heaven. "How many wise men were there?" St. Peter asks the first
man. "Three." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the
first man enters.

"How long did the flood last?" St. Peter asks the second man. "Forty days
and forty nights." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and
the second man enters. Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia,
St. Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the second man.
Finally, he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in the Garden?"

The man thinks and thinks, but can't come up with an answer. "Boy, that's a
hard one," he finally says.

And the trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last man enters heaven.

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Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there
is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man,
"What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?". The man
responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14
years" "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden
scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at
the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He
responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the
Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden
staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi
driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and
wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale,
you see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone
prayed!"

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The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the
deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person
that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job." He says,
"You have sinned."

Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins
on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar
boys what he usually gives for a blow job. The altar boy answered, "Oh,
about five dollars."

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This guy dies and goes to hell. Once he gets to the gates there is a Matr'D
there waiting to greet him. "Welcome to Hell" he said in a happy voice. The
guy seemed rather puzzled but went on with his eternity and walked in. "How
was your trip? Not too hard on ya I hope." said the Matr'D. "It was OK."
said the guy still a little puzzled.

"Well OK here's the grand tour." the Matr'D continued, "Over here we have an
all night casino where you always win. Over there is the hotel where you
will be spending your eternity, furnished with all the luxuries you can
possibly dream of. And in the back there is an all night restaurant filled
with all the most beautiful women you can imagine and are ready to do your
every bidding and of course the food is great also."

"Now WAIT a minute!" said the guy completely confused. "Yes?" said the
Matr'D. "This is hell right? This is MY eternity, full of everything I ever
wanted? I thought Hell was supposed to suck ass or something."
"Well...heaven has greater and better things than us down here, but they are
basically the same thing." said the Matr'D. Still puzzled the guy continues
to walk down the road. Then he comes across this pit of fire and screaming
and such other unpleasant things. At this the guy got a little bit worried
and asked, "WHAT is THAT??" "Oh that." said the Matr'D nonchalantly, "That
is the quote 'fire and brimstone' room. Eh it's for those Baptists, shit,
that's what they wanted..."

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A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No, not until
you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!" to
which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere."

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One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a nun, and
asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had thought about it for a
while she said "Well, yeah I would have sex with a man if he had never been
married, did not have any kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab
driver said "What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and
I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have sex with him
and she agreed as long as he would take her from behind. So they had sex and
afterward the cab driver said "Ha ha, I have six kids, I've been married
three times and I've never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun
pulled off her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"

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As you are receiving e-mail, it's wise to remember how easily this wonderful
technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally and with serious
consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was
planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he
decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail
address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed
one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife,
whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow
checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing the scream, her
family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

"Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!"

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There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do
one sin each. So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless
you. So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest
asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said,"I had sex
with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy
water. So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked
her what her sin was. She said,"I got in a fight with another nun." So he
says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did!
The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And
as she was laughing she said,"I pissed in the holy water!"

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Greg

unread,

May 12, 1999, 3:00:00 AM5/12/99

Crude Sex Jokes

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Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?

A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman
doesn't?

A. A navel.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week
later.

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?

A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Q. What is a lesbian's favorite thing to eat?

A. A Klondike Bar

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A. "How do you breath through something so small?"

Q. Why don't women where watches?

A. There's a clock on the stove!

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a
blowjob.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?

A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?

A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?

A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.

Q. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?

A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?

A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?

A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

A. Call her and tell her.

Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.

A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

Q. Why do women have small feet?

A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?

A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?

A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. What's the difference between a man and ET?

A. ET phoned home.

Q. Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

A. It doesn't need cleaning.

Q. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

A. Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?

A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?

A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?

A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams
of dating them.

Q. What's white, smells, and can be found in panties?

A. Clitty litter

Q. I married Miss Right.

A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?

A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?

A. He's smoking a cigarette.

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?

A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?

A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?

A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...

A. "Is it in?"

Q. What is the cheapest meat?

A. Deer balls, there under a buck.

Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?

A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?

A. The captains log.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?

A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period?

A. Finger painting.

Q. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?

A. They're called Dikes. They have an extra long tonge and only take one
finger to get off!

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?

A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?

A. One of his fingers is clean.

Q. Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

A. So men can be open minded.

Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?

A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?

A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a
horse.

Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill for women
that they take immediately
before sex?

A. They're called 'Predickamints'

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?

A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?

A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What's the difference between Mad Cow disease and PMS?

A. Nothing.

Q. How do you confuse a female archaeologist?

A. Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Q. Why does the bride always wear white?

A. Well aren't all kitchen appliances that colour?

Q. Whats the difference between parsley and pussy?

A. Nobody eats parsley.

Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?

A. Kermits Finger

Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?

A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?

A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?

A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?

A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?

A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute
ago."

Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?

A: If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q:What's the best thing about a blow job?

A:Ten minutes of silence!

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian and a Ritz cracker?

A: Ones a snack cracker, and the others a crack snacker!

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?

A: Dill-dough

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?

A: He heard the snowblower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A: Lickalotopuss.

Q: How do you know when your wife is really dead?

A: Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant

A. Marry it.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

A. Give it a nipple.

Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

A. Fur traders.

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?

A. A cherry float.

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A.When his hand caught on fire.

Q. What's better than a rose on your piano?

A. Tulips on your organ.

Q. What did Adam say to Eve?

A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an alter boy

Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?

A. Better traction.

Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?

A. Push it aside and keep on eating...

Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?

A. Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q. How do you teach a blond math?

A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?

A. I feel like a kid again!

Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the
factory?

A. Two test tickles

Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?

A. A bloody waste of fucking time.

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?

A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?

A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

A. Gagged

Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?

A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?

A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?

A. They're going to call her Old Spice.

Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running cunt

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A. Yell at her.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?

A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?

A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?

A. Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?

A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

Q. Why can't women read maps?

A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a
mile.

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?

A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?

A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q. Why did God create alcohol?

A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?

A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?

A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?

A. Their shaky hands!

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?

A. A warm bush.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a
greasy box to put your bone in.

Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?

A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"

Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?

A. Potpourri

Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from your Grandma have
in common ?

A. You don't look down.

Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?

A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the
next 20 years.

Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?

A. The prostitute stops fucking you after you're dead.

Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

A. Bingo

Q. What is a zebra?

A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?

A. Good morning Girls

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?

A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?

A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?

A. Whore's fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party
except you.

Q. Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?

A. It works by changing your blood type!!

Q:What do you call a truck full of dildos?

A:Toys for Twats

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?

A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?

A. Snowballs.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

A. None It should be open when she brings it to you

Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?

A. The grip!

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?

A. Miracle whip.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

A. Men always miss them.

Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?

A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?

A. They have cotton balls

Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?

A. You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are
leaving?

A. Thanks for coming.

Q. How do you know when you honeymoon is over?

A. When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?

A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed.
Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the
refrigerator.

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