Holy Cow and President Urus
Peter Piggy
2. Short Story "President Urus and VP Cheney"
Enjoy!
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1. Holy Cow
Here is a little story that is meant to inspire people to think, and to
be more creative when searching for solutions to life's little
challenges. The main point, however, is to motivate readers who don't
like the idea of eating bugs to setup an indoor garden, right away.
Definitions: 1) Service-to-Others (STO): awaken/a15.htm; John 15:12;
orientat/o01.htm; awaken/a04.htm, 2) Urantia Book (UB) references are
[paper]:[section] - not Urantia Foundation's [page]:[sentence] format;
3) Service-to-Self (STS): rules/r04.htm; call/c24.htm; Isaiah 14:12-15,
UB 53:9, 4) Toymaker: makes toys, 5) Orientation University (OU):
Toymaker's imaginary cosmic university.
Please copy and paste <ctrl-c and ctrl-v> the base url included below,
along with partial links, into your web browser's address bar for all
web-based references. Enjoy!
::: Mooooooooo! :::
Long ago and far away, on a beautiful planet called Barth, there lived
these jolly ol' cows! For the past few years, in Southern Milkvania,
the sentient cows have experienced rather unusual weather! El Nino
storms, drought, monster cyclones, summer in winter; winter in summer!
The once happy cows that live there are very perplexed! Such unusual
crop shortages for a country accustomed to excellent farming weather
(poleshft/p84.htm). Anyway, one upstanding cow, Moo Moo, who owns a
large farm just a few miles South of the fun city of Cowtown, decided
to try indoor, hydroponics gardening this year! Here's his story:
::: Moo Moo & Son :::
Moo MooDid you get the football helmets last night, dad? Sorry, Bovy,
the PTA decided to give the money to the high school's indoor gardening
class (transfor/t80.htm). That's stupid, dad! All that praying to Holy
Cow! You can't even get mushrooms to grow indoors! I know .. sorry,
son. Maybe it's the lighting. Brown Cow, the jerk that tried to burn my
indoor garden down, said I was the worst PTA president the high school
ever had - right in front of all the teachers! Dad! Everybody in
Cowtown knows by now that Brown Cow paid off the judge at his trial!
::: Sargent Rex :::
GRRRRR-AAA-ARGH!!!Who's that? It's Nudnick - says I'm under quota,
again! Dina, listen. YOU listen, Rex - I'm a working dinosaur
(worlds/w10.htm)! And you forgot our anniversary! Dina, I'm sorry -
damn! I missed the High Commander's order to fly to Barth for Soul
Harvest (worlds/w49.htm) - just because you couldn't stop talking to
Aunt Susie last night long enough to give me my messages! Look, Rex -
why did you ever get us stationed on the back side of Barth's moon
(govmt/g13.htm)! I would've NEVER left Dinosauria for this
chunk-a-you-know-what!
::: King Manny :::The Mantid King
Editor's Note: King Manny, a STO 4th density preying mantid, from the
cutesy li'l insect planet Uniramia (worlds/w47.htm), lost his beautiful
queen Amadalu almost 42 years ago. Former Uniramia Queen Amadalu is
currently incarnated on the planet Barth as Moo Moo! Amadalu was female
on Uniramia, but to complete her next important STO spiritual lessons,
the birthing envoys (beinghum/b20.htm) caused her to be incarnated as a
male on Barth (beinghum/b35.htm; Hey, Bubba - are you married to your
Great Great uncle Al?)! -End of note.
King Manny! Yes Counselor? Your nemesis from Dinosauria replied -
again. Yes Counselor - ol' Sargent ratchet jaws (rules/r04.htm) thinks
that Amadalu, er, Moo Moo, has to help Rex catch Brown Cow for the STS
Soul Harvest! Print me a copy, Counselor. Here, wise King:
- - - -
To: King Manny:
From: Sargent Rex
Subject: Re: Praying Mantis' World Hunger
Manny:
Since my bone-chillin' roar on the mountain top proved that your
sillyass, scare-a-day would *never* have chased enough insects down off
Insect Mountain, I'm not coming back - you wimpass excuse fer a king!
YOU OWE ME, mantid!
Furious Rex!
- - - -
What does that IDIOT tyrannosaurus mean, wise King? Counselor, he heard
that I told my chief cook, Orthos, that Sargent Rex didn't know Jack
s#*t about our World hunger solution! OU let Sargent Rex fly over to
Insect Mountain for a secret visit! Rex's roar in the early morning,
which I was unaware of, AND mantids' scaring the insects a second time
in the afternoon, finally dislodged the food supply on top of Insect
Mountain. Remember last Wednesday? INSECT TSUNAMI? - how could anyone
in Mantopolis EVER forget? Tons of yummy insects came running down the
mountain! So you see, Counselor, all we have to arrange is to do the
same thing every time we have a hunger problem: scare the insects,
twice-a-day! Oops - a call from Barth! It's Moo Moo!
Editors note: King Manny, one creative mantid, learned something about
those sneaky STS entities. So King Manny devises a one-time, quid pro
quo (payback arrangement) with Rex for helping Manny save so many of
Uniramia's starving preying mantid population! Here's how:
Wise King Manny receives The Call (call/c00.htm) from his former queen
Amadalu, who is now living on Barth as Moo Moo cow. Anyhooo, while ol'
Moo Moo is asleep, Manny, operating in the 4th density, gives the
twice-a-day secret to Moo Moo's subconscious mind. Moo Moo, completely
unaware of the brewing, 3-way symbiosis, makes a plan to use the
twice-a-day secret to let the hydroponics solution run into his indoor
plants (food/tfood01.htm) an extra time in the afternoon! The extra
solution flow should cause at least two major events: 1) Moo Moo should
become a super hero with his huge hydroponics harvest, and, 2) the
unexpected, second flow of solution down the canal by the outside of
Moo Moo's indoor farm/garden also represents a devious opportunity for
that diabolical, Sargent Rex ! -End of note.
::: Evil Ritual :::
UrusUrus - put it out! But da Fire Ritual, Brown Cow! Think, cow paddy
for brains! Moo Moo will see our campfire smoke from across the canal!
PUT IT OUT, Urus! D'oh, so'wee, Master! Shhhhh! I almost saw Holy Cow
appear! Let's continue: Oh Holy Cow - visit us! Please let me be the
PTA president! And too, I am like, soooooo much better looking - and a
MUCH better farmer than Moo Moo!
Ahhhhh - look Master, it's Holy Cow - on d'utter side udda canal! ..
BROWN COW! Yes, oh Holy One? I am Rex, err, Holy Cow! I know, Holy One!
(John 8:44; orientat/o41.htm) Brown: I want you to burn down Moo Moo's
evil indoor hydroponics farm! NOW??? B-b-b but Master! What if just
while I am crossing over to your side of the empty canal, the
hydroponics solution starts flowing down from the f* reservoir? Brown
Cow! Chill! Trust in your Holy Cow! You know that, uh .. Moo Moo
already watered his indoor farm this morning! So, shut da hell up! And
bring your fire sticks, Dodo, and cross the canal - NOW! Ok, Holy Cow!
Sheeesh! Come on, apprentice! Here we come .. pray for us! .. HOLY COW
.. AAHHHHHHHHHHH!
--The End--
P.s. Rex's wicked lies cause the evil li'l cows to get caught in the
hydroponics flow, so that Rex catches them! Anyhoooo, happy ol' Rex
races back to Gole M. Nudnick with a full soul quota: He dumps his ol'
last year's model Moon space saucer, and catches the very next cargo
ship (worlds/w49.htm) to the Galactic Baby Warehouse! Next day, Moo Moo
discovers Rex's large flying saucer on his farm! Moo Moo strips and
inverts it, and uses it as a home & garden dome to protect his family
and friends from Barth's severe weather changes in the next few years
(http://www.zetatalk.com/poleshft/p28.htm)! Everybody's happy (UB
31:10)! Incidentally, fierce ol' Rex finally learns how to keep his
nagging wife happy! He gives her what she always needed, twice-a-day!
- -
2. President Urus and VP Cheney
Voice Of God Revealed To Be Cheney On Intercom
December 7, 2005
WASHINGTON, DC-Telephone logs recorded by the National Security
Agency and obtained by Congress as part of an ongoing investigation
suggest that the vice president may have used the Oval Office intercom
system to address President Bush at crucial moments, giving categorical
directives in a voice the president believed to be that of God.
While journalists and presidential historians had long noted Bush's
deep faith and Cheney's powerful influence in the White House, few had
drawn a direct correlation between the two until Tuesday, when
transcripts of meetings that took place in March and April of 2002
became available.
In a transcript of an intercom exchange recorded in March 2002, a
voice positively identified as the vice president's identifies himself
as "the Lord thy God" and promotes the invasion of Iraq, as well as the
use of torture in prisoner interrogations.
A close examination of Bush's public statements and Secret Service
time logs tracking the vice president reveals a consistent pattern, one
which links Bush's belief that he had received word from God with
Cheney's use of the White House's telephone-based intercom system.
Officials privately acknowledged that there is reason to believe
that the vice president, as God, urged Bush to sign legislation
benefiting oil companies in 2005.
"There's a lot of religious zeal in the West Wing," said a former
White House staffer who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "It's
possible that the vice president has taken advantage of that to
fast-track certain administration objectives."
An ex-Treasury Department official and longtime friend of Cheney
was asked to comment on the vice president's possible subterfuge. "I
don't know. I certainly don't think it's something [Cheney] planned,"
he said. "I do know that Mr. Bush was unfamiliar with a phone-based
intercom, and I suppose it is possible that Dick took advantage of
that."
A highly placed NSA official who has reviewed the information
released Tuesday said Cheney masked his clipped monotone, employing a
deeper, booming voice.
Said the NSA source: "It sounded as though the speaker, who
identified himself as God, stood away from the intercom to create an
echo effect."
On Capitol Hill, sources are expressing surprise that Cheney, a
vice president with more influence than any other in U.S. history,
would have resorted to such deception.
"The vice president has a lot of sway in this administration," said
a former White House aide. "But perhaps when President Bush was
particularly resolute and resistant to mortal persuasion, the vice
president chose to quickly resolve disputes in his favor with a
half-decent God impression."
For many, the revelation explains Bush's confusion in the wake of
Hurricane Katrina.
"I was very surprised by the president's slow response in New
Orleans," political commentator Bill Kristol said. "The president told
me that he was praying every day in his office, but had received no
reply. I had no idea what he meant, but of course, it all makes sense
now."
At the time of Katrina, Cheney was on a fly-fishing trip, from
which he returned on Sept. 1.
According to highly placed White House sources, Bush's senior
advisers are trying to shield the president from the news. Aides are
concerned that too harsh an awakening might shake Bush's faith, which
has been a central part of his life for nearly 20 years.
"It's hard to tell the leader of the free world that he has been
the butt of an elaborate and long-term ruse," a former staffer said.
"Maybe it would be easier to take if it came from Cheney's God voice."