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6/25/07 Toons+

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Jun 25, 2007, 4:16:45 AM6/25/07

Click below for sHrillary audio: 
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter
"W": 
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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
Bill Clinton, it was revealed Thursday, received a
six-figure speaking fee from the Boys and Girls Club of America. However,
the organization just fired Alex Rodriguez as their spokesman for carousing
with strippers. It's a civil rights case if there ever was one. 
Steven Spielberg endorsed Hillary Clinton for
president Thursday. His motives are no secret in Hollywood. The endorsement
virtually guarantees the director of Indiana Jones the movie rights to Bill
Clinton's next love affair in the White House. 
Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia admitted to
reporters Thursday that he's recently turned over some of his Senate
responsibilities to younger colleagues. The eighty-nine-year old lion always
keeps a copy of the original U.S. Constitution in his pocket. He's tired of
all these people telling him that slavery is unconstitutional. 
President Bush called for four billion dollars for
border security on Thursday as a sweetener to try to pass his immigration
reform bill. He just won't quit. President Bush may not get his face on Mt.
Rushmore but if this bill passes, Hispanics are going to see his image on
grilled cheese sandwiches for the next two thousand years. 
Donald Trump agreed Friday to executive produce a
new show for Fox called Lady or a Tramp, in which wild party girls compete
to become refined society ladies. He said he may or may not host it. They're
waiting to see if Bill Clinton's available. 
Barack Obama's campaign angered Indo-Americans
Friday by referring to Hillary Clinton in an opposition researcher's memo as
the Democrat from Punjab. It makes no sense. Why would any campaign pay for
opposition research on Hillary Clinton when they can go into any bookstore
and get two thousand pages for less than fifty dollars? 
Arnold Schwarzenegger told Hispanic journalists
Thursday that Hispanics should stop watching Spanish-language television and
watch English stations. He's trying to help them. We're not going to know
who to deport if they all sound like Simon Cowell. 
Fred Thompson flew to Great Britain Tuesday to have
his picture taken with Lady Margaret Thatcher. Everyone can see what he's
doing. The next day he flew to Los Angeles, where he walked into a talk
radio station and formally adopted Michael Reagan. 
Barack Obama apologized Monday for his staff calling
Hillary the Democrat from Punjab because of all the favors she does for
India and all the favors India does for her. She is not the voice of India.
If Americans heard Hillary's voice after waiting on hold for forty minutes
for customer service, they would back Pakistan in the next war. 
Bill Clinton agreed Monday to help Hillary campaign
in Iowa. He's had a lot of success there before. This time his task is to
warn Iowans about the dangers of the John Edwards health care plan and not
about the presence of a pool table in their community. 
Hillary Clinton picked Celine Dion's song You and I
as her campaign theme song on Tuesday. It's a clever way to carry her fellow
Baby Boomers with subliminal advertising. Whenever they hear anything
Canadian, they think anti-war and free drugs. 
Barack Obama apologized to Hillary Clinton for his
campaign staff calling her the Democrat from Punjab. It's too late. Her
campaign is already striking back by spreading rumors in South Carolina that
Barack Obama has fathered two black children. 
Bill and Hillary Clinton shot a commercial in a
diner spoofing the last scene of The Sopranos. It's not the first time they
acted like mobsters. They spent so much time in front of grand juries, the
Sons of Italy granted them honorary membership.

-- Argus Hamilton

"A new comic book has come out that features Latino
superheroes. Apparently, they leap over the border in a single bound."

"According to a new poll, 15 percent of Americans
say that Hillary Clinton gives them the creeps. The other 85 percent say she
gives them the willies or the heebie jeebies."

- Conan

"As you know, all the candidates have released their
financial statements. It turned out that Bill Clinton made $10 million from
speaking engagements last year. Ten million dollars! That sounds glamorous
but come on. Imagine all those nights in a hotel room, Hillary half a
country away. Him sitting there by himself. How lonely that must be though."

- Leno

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