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Spare the Rod, Spoil the child

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Jenn

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Oct 4, 2009, 11:58:15 AM10/4/09
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I spanked my kids, but we had gone to a seminar on how to do it properly to get specific good results on a consistent basis.  It was good advice and guidance on how to discipline kids which was very effective over a long period of time.

--
Regards,
 
Jenn
 
 
===================================
----- Original Message -----
From: WhiteHawk
Newsgroups: annexcafe.mainstreet
Sent: Saturday, October 03, 2009 12:23 PM
Subject: Re: Att. Moderator... Re: 4 Charged in Beating Death of Chicago Honor Student

and we wonder what's wrong with the youth....it's a process and not an event...it evolves, and does not just happen....spare the rod and spoil the child????   Today - it is consider abuse to punish a child the way we were punished - a lot of parents no longer spank their kids - they say it's violent and sends the wrong message that hitting is ok..... is that right or wrong?  Does lack of punishment such as spanking, or a 'whipping' as we called it help, or not? 
 
I heard a guy on the radio yesterday talking about a 35 year old study on kids who grow up, and eventually have assault type charges filed on them.... I forget the exact numbers, but they were very high - in that the kids who ate candy and drank soda pop every day were waaaaaaay more likely to have some type of physical assault charge filed against them before they reach the age of 35 than those who had limited sugar in their diet.  I'll see if I can find that report, and post it as a new thread
 

SeaNymph

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Oct 4, 2009, 12:20:06 PM10/4/09
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I continue to wonder if you have any ideas of your own.
 

Jenn

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Oct 4, 2009, 12:21:34 PM10/4/09
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Everyone attends seminars on occasion to listen to the ideas of other people, Linda.  Haven't you?  :)

--
Regards,
 
Jenn
 
================

SeaNymph

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Oct 4, 2009, 5:16:23 PM10/4/09
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That really doesn't address my post now, does it?  Of course not, it's more evasion and rationalization.
 
If you think the idea is worthy of discussion, why don't you just present it yourself, instead of stealing it from others?  Seems a simple enough question <g>
 

Jenn

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Oct 4, 2009, 5:22:01 PM10/4/09
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I responded to a post in a thread, Linda.  You do that all the time, and the topic isn't even your idea.  :)
 
So, just stick to the topic and respond to what I said if you want.  :)

--
Regards,
 
Jenn

SeaNymph

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Oct 4, 2009, 10:00:40 PM10/4/09
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Um...not really, but if that's what you think, that's fine with me.
 
I will respond in whatever manner I feel is appropriate, regardless of what you, or anyone thinks.  After all, as you point out ad naseum, that's the freedom of usenet <g>
 

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 12:05:09 AM10/5/09
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haha I knew you would say that ... :)  You're very easy to predict what sort of response you will post.

--
Regards,
 
Jenn
 
--------------

SeaNymph

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Oct 5, 2009, 9:09:01 AM10/5/09
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And you are even easier.  That's why you're so much fun, because you're so predictable.
 

Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 5, 2009, 9:29:39 AM10/5/09
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You went to a seminar to learn how to beat your young'uns?

WhiteHawk

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:14:57 AM10/5/09
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ROFLMAO

Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:20:56 AM10/5/09
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My neighbors back home called it a whupping.
 

WhiteHawk

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:32:26 AM10/5/09
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yep...we called it "getting the shit beat out of you"  and it happened damn near everyday - at least once - sometimes more...looking back - we got what we had coming to us.... I don't recall any schoolin' on how to spank a kid... it's pretty cut and dry - aim for the ass, and if the flop around and cause you to miss, then as Dad used to say "if you're gonna be stupid, then ya better be tough."

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 12:12:30 PM10/5/09
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I went to a seminar to learn how to discipline them in such a way that it would work.
Jenn

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 12:19:38 PM10/5/09
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haha  Well .. this was a system on how to go about disciplining kids... 
 
You set up specific rules.. talked to the kids so they knew the rules and the punishment.  If they broke the rule that got a spanking as the punishment you'd take them aside and talk to them first.  Explain what they did wrong and they were to repeat to you what they did wrong and acknowledge they broke the rule.  Then they were to voluntarily bend over and receive 1 - 2 - or 3 wacks on the butt depending on the rule they broke.  If they would not voluntarily bend over, one wack was added each time they refused.  After they got their wacks on the butt, you'd both sit and talk about what they did wrong, again, and who was responsible for them getting a spanking.  They would acknowledge that they broke the rule.. someone else didn't break the rule for them or make them break the rule.  THEY did it and are responsible for the consequences of their own actions.  After chatting about it, we'd both hug and tell each other we loved each other.
 
The method worked and taught them to be responsible for their own actions.  If they messed up, they learned from a young age that they would have to deal with the consquences of their own actions.
 
Jenn

Leo

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Oct 5, 2009, 2:30:48 PM10/5/09
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My Mom and Dad have a couple of discipline rules and they sure did work.

1. Do something wrong and you earned a session with the strap administered
by Mom.

2. If rule 1 did not correct the problem you earned a session with the
strap administered by Dad.

There never was a need for a third rule.

--

LEO
For every complex problem there is an answer that is simple, neat, and wrong

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Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 2:42:22 PM10/5/09
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hahaha Times change for sure!
Jenn


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Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 5, 2009, 8:21:58 PM10/5/09
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Less work to have just replied "yes."

Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 5, 2009, 8:22:59 PM10/5/09
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So, you did go to a seminar to learn how to beat your young'uns.

Sniffles

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:28:13 PM10/5/09
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spanking is child abuse, imo.

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:59:02 PM10/5/09
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Beat? no .. spank .. yes .. discipline.. yes ..

--
Regards,
 
Jenn

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 10:59:22 PM10/5/09
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no it isn't

--
Regards,

Jenn

------------------
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Sniffles

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Oct 5, 2009, 11:09:52 PM10/5/09
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in your opinion.

Jenn wrote:
> no it isn't
>

Jenn

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Oct 5, 2009, 11:11:54 PM10/5/09
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yep ... a proper spanking keeps kids from getting into mischief and teaches
them that there is consequences to their actions.

--
Regards,

Jenn

------------
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Herbert

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Oct 6, 2009, 12:26:33 AM10/6/09
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also lowers their IQ....
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/09/spanking-iq.html


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Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 12:40:56 AM10/6/09
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how so? I don't think a swat on the butt effects a kids brain. LOL

--
Regards,

Jenn

--------
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Herbert

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Oct 6, 2009, 2:34:24 AM10/6/09
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Let me guess, you were spanked as a kid.....

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Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 6, 2009, 2:53:33 AM10/6/09
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Spanking, beating, whuppings ..........whatever .... mere semantics.

~BD~

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Oct 6, 2009, 3:21:04 AM10/6/09
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On 06/10/2009 05:40, Jenn wrote:
> how so? I don't think a swat on the butt effects a kids brain. LOL
>

It might if it's a boy! ;)

Ferd.Berfle

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Oct 6, 2009, 3:29:43 AM10/6/09
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Works for wimmen too?

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Sniffles

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Oct 6, 2009, 7:50:56 AM10/6/09
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my kids learned those lessons without the violence.

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:00:27 AM10/6/09
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A few times, but not much. My siblings didn't learn so well, though.
Jenn


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Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:01:34 AM10/6/09
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it's not the same ... beatings imply abuse ... whuppings imply it's done by the woodshed out in the sticks with a switch .. and spankings imply it's done for the sake of discipline.  :)
Jenn

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:02:45 AM10/6/09
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hahahaaaaaa too funny!
Jenn


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Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:03:30 AM10/6/09
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So did mine ... spanking is not a violent act. It's an act of love.
Jenn


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Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:04:11 AM10/6/09
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hahaha I dunno! Might work for SOME wimmen. <eg>
Jenn


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~BD~

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Oct 6, 2009, 11:28:49 AM10/6/09
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On 06/10/2009 15:02, Jenn wrote:
> hahahaaaaaa too funny!
> Jenn

You are one sharp lady, Jenn! ;)

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 12:30:36 PM10/6/09
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:D ty ty

Jenn


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Leo

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Oct 6, 2009, 1:16:44 PM10/6/09
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Well that explains the source of your problem.

--

LEO
For every complex problem there is an answer that is simple, neat, and wrong

"Herbert" <sd...@dd.com> wrote in message
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Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 1:20:13 PM10/6/09
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touche
Jenn


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Sniffles

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Oct 6, 2009, 3:20:46 PM10/6/09
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keep telling yourself that!

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 3:41:23 PM10/6/09
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I don't have to .. my kids tell me that.

Jenn

----------


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bird brain

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Oct 6, 2009, 9:47:01 PM10/6/09
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Let me get this straight...
You beat the shit out of your child then ask for a hug
Isn't that special... Hurt me mommy I wanna feel your love hurt me harder mommy love me harder mommy
That's plain goofy

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:17:23 PM10/6/09
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No .. I didn't beat the *sh*t* out of my kids and then hug them...
 
I swatted their butts with a paddle 1, 2, or 3 times depending on the rule they broke.   That does not constitute "beating".  It's no different than swatting their hand when they reach to touch a hot stove.  It's also a very effective method that teaches them cause and effect - taking responsibility for their actions by receiving a specific punishment.
 
A punishment isn't supposed to make them feel good.  It's supposed to get their attention and be unpleasant.

--
Regards,
 
Jenn

~BD~

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:36:27 PM10/6/09
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On 07/10/2009 03:17, Jenn wrote:
> No .. I didn't beat the *sh*t* out of my kids and then hug them...
> I swatted their butts with a paddle 1, 2, or 3 times depending on the
> rule they broke. That does not constitute "beating". It's no different
> than swatting their hand when they reach to touch a hot stove. It's also
> a very effective method that teaches them cause and effect - taking
> responsibility for their actions by receiving a specific punishment.
> A punishment isn't supposed to make them feel good. It's supposed to get
> their attention and be unpleasant.
>
> --
> Regards,
> Jenn

Don't bite, Jenn. ;)

I completely understand what you have said/described.

--
Dave

bird brain

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Oct 6, 2009, 10:57:50 PM10/6/09
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Your abused child would have learned not to touch the hot stove when he burned his hand. Instead you had to get your punch in to learn him more better.

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 11:01:17 PM10/6/09
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Actually, swatting their hand before they touch a hot stove saved them more pain in the long run because a burned hand can blister and the pain lasts must longer and can damage their ability to use their hand.
 
It would be abuse to allow them to touch the hot stove, and it's merciful to swat their hand so they have the opportunity to learn that "NO" means "NO" for a good reason.

--
Regards,
 
Jenn
 
------------

Jenn

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Oct 6, 2009, 11:01:43 PM10/6/09
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cool :)

--
Regards,

Jenn
--------

"~BD~" <Boate...@hotmail.co.uk> wrote in message

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Beady

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Oct 7, 2009, 2:34:15 AM10/7/09
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Someone else agrees too ..................
 
"Debbie Bullock" <deb...@home.net> wrote in message news:12548713...@pegasus.annex.net...
 
I think it's wonderful if you can raise your kids without spanking. There are some kids though who deserve and need to be spanked on occasion. Here in the US there was a period of time when they showed a lot of commercials where they flashed a toll free number across the screen showing kids how to report child abuse. Got to the point where kids were threatening their parents with calling if they were disciplined. Leslie and I always said, "If they don't like the way we discipline our kids they are welcome to come get them and raise them." We raised three very well-adjusted kids. I never believed in slapping in the face or upside the head. But a butt-spanking when well-deserved helped form them into more respectable adults. I even had one of my boys call me 'bout a year or so ago and thank us for raising them the way we did. I never had any doubts about it, but somehow after that phone call I was reassured that we'd done a good job--regardless of the 'human rights' activists' viewpoints. I absolutely despise anyone who would beat a child, though...there's a big difference between discipling and abusing.
 
 
 

Sniffles

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Oct 7, 2009, 7:35:54 AM10/7/09
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Now we find out you used a paddle!
This just keeps getting better!!

Jenn wrote:
> No .. I didn't beat the *sh*t* out of my kids and then hug them...
>
> I swatted their butts with a paddle 1, 2, or 3 times depending on the
> rule they broke. That does not constitute "beating". It's no
> different than swatting their hand when they reach to touch a hot
> stove. It's also a very effective method that teaches them cause and
> effect - taking responsibility for their actions by receiving a specific
> punishment.
>
> A punishment isn't supposed to make them feel good. It's supposed to
> get their attention and be unpleasant.
>
> --
> Regards,
>
> Jenn
>
> "bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org

> <mailto:no...@flockinghome.org>> wrote in message


> news:hagrut$qj0$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> Let me get this straight...
> You beat the shit out of your child then ask for a hug
> Isn't that special... Hurt me mommy I wanna feel your love hurt me
> harder mommy love me harder mommy
> That's plain goofy
>

> "Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com <mailto:m...@nowhere.com>> wrote in message

> <mailto:CantT...@NotToday.com>> wrote in message


> news:had01u$sog$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> yep...we called it "getting the shit beat out of you" and
> it happened damn near everyday - at least once - sometimes
> more...looking back - we got what we had coming to us.... I
> don't recall any schoolin' on how to spank a kid... it's
> pretty cut and dry - aim for the ass, and if the flop around
> and cause you to miss, then as Dad used to say "if you're
> gonna be stupid, then ya better be tough."
>
> "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com

> <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in message


> news:hacvcd$nch$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> My neighbors back home called it a whupping.
>
>
> "WhiteHawk" <CantT...@NotToday.com

> <mailto:CantT...@NotToday.com>> wrote in message


> news:hacv18$k45$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> ROFLMAO
>
> "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com

> <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in message


> news:hacsc7$t92$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> You went to a seminar to learn how to beat your
> young'uns?
>
> "Jenn" <no...@noway.com

> <mailto:no...@noway.com>> wrote in message


> news:haagmq$lrh$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> I spanked my kids, but we had gone to a
> seminar on how to do it properly to get
> specific good results on a consistent
> basis. It was good advice and guidance on
> how to discipline kids which was very
> effective over a long period of time.
>
> --
> Regards,
>
> Jenn
>
>
> ===================================
> ----- Original Message -----

> *From:* WhiteHawk
> *Newsgroups:* annexcafe.mainstreet
> *Sent:* Saturday, October 03, 2009 12:23 PM
> *Subject:* Re: Att. Moderator... Re: 4

Sniffles

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Oct 7, 2009, 7:37:42 AM10/7/09
to
How about gently taking them away from the stove and saying "hot"!!

Jenn wrote:
> Actually, swatting their hand before they touch a hot stove saved them
> more pain in the long run because a burned hand can blister and the pain
> lasts must longer and can damage their ability to use their hand.
>
> It would be abuse to allow them to touch the hot stove, and it's
> merciful to swat their hand so they have the opportunity to learn that
> "NO" means "NO" for a good reason.
>
> --
> Regards,
>
> Jenn
>
> ------------
>
> "bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org

> <mailto:no...@flockinghome.org>> wrote in message


> news:hah03j$mip$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
>
> Your abused child would have learned not to touch the hot stove when
> he burned his hand. Instead you had to get your punch in to learn
> him more better.
>

> "Jenn" <no...@noway.com <mailto:no...@noway.com>> wrote in message


> news:hagtnc$7dv$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> No .. I didn't beat the *sh*t* out of my kids and then hug them...
>
> I swatted their butts with a paddle 1, 2, or 3 times depending
> on the rule they broke. That does not constitute "beating".
> It's no different than swatting their hand when they reach to
> touch a hot stove. It's also a very effective method that
> teaches them cause and effect - taking responsibility for their
> actions by receiving a specific punishment.
>
> A punishment isn't supposed to make them feel good. It's
> supposed to get their attention and be unpleasant.
>
> --
> Regards,
>
> Jenn
>
> "bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org

> <mailto:no...@flockinghome.org>> wrote in message


> news:hagrut$qj0$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> Let me get this straight...
> You beat the shit out of your child then ask for a hug
> Isn't that special... Hurt me mommy I wanna feel your love
> hurt me harder mommy love me harder mommy
> That's plain goofy
>

> "Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com <mailto:m...@nowhere.com>> wrote in

> <mailto:CantT...@NotToday.com>> wrote in message


> news:had01u$sog$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> yep...we called it "getting the shit beat out of
> you" and it happened damn near everyday - at least
> once - sometimes more...looking back - we got what
> we had coming to us.... I don't recall any schoolin'
> on how to spank a kid... it's pretty cut and dry -
> aim for the ass, and if the flop around and cause
> you to miss, then as Dad used to say "if you're
> gonna be stupid, then ya better be tough."
>
> "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com

> <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in message


> news:hacvcd$nch$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> My neighbors back home called it a whupping.
>
>
> "WhiteHawk" <CantT...@NotToday.com

> <mailto:CantT...@NotToday.com>> wrote in


> message
> news:hacv18$k45$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> ROFLMAO
>
> "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com

> <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in


> message
> news:hacsc7$t92$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> You went to a seminar to learn how to
> beat your young'uns?
>
> "Jenn" <no...@noway.com

> <mailto:no...@noway.com>> wrote in


> message
> news:haagmq$lrh$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> I spanked my kids, but we had gone
> to a seminar on how to do it
> properly to get specific good
> results on a consistent basis. It
> was good advice and guidance on how
> to discipline kids which was very
> effective over a long period of time.
>
> --
> Regards,
>
> Jenn
>
>
> ===================================
> ----- Original Message -----

> *From:* WhiteHawk
> *Newsgroups:* annexcafe.mainstreet

> *Sent:* Saturday, October 03, 2009
> 12:23 PM
> *Subject:* Re: Att. Moderator... Re:

SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 9:18:15 AM10/7/09
to
That's a disgusting scenario.  I've never heard of anything so controlling and wrong.
 
BTW, the legal system might very well disagree with you on what constitutes "abuse".  You might want to be careful about shouting from the rooftops that you use a paddle.
 

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 10:22:50 AM10/7/09
to
.......of course, you are supposed to use a paddle. NEVER use your own hand
as the instrument to spank.

Spanking is a controlled disciplinary tool for kids. You spank for specific
rules that are broken, not everything. It works on targeted misbehaviors,
and once the discipline is implemented my kids got fewer and fewer
spankings. This method done properly and consistently every day has very
good results. You start as soon as they understand *NO*, and you gradually
have less and less rules broken, and the kids have learned to think before
they break a rule plus they are raised with the understanding that actions
have consequences. Discipline is not supposed to be a pleasant experience
for the kid. It's supposed to make them uncomfortable.
Jenn


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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 10:25:00 AM10/7/09
to
For some kids that might work, but for the most part... that doesn't work.
They often times just come back behind your back and then they get burned.

I'd rather make the point "DON'T TOUCH" the first time and have that be the
end of it then to have them not understand NO means NO the first time.

Jenn

"Sniffles" <snif...@fuggetaboutit.ca> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 10:28:36 AM10/7/09
to
If more parents would CONTROL THEIR KIDS when they were young and disciplined them... we probably wouldn't have be seeing so many kids and teens out of control NOW.
 
My kids are grown and all 3 of them THANKED me for spanking them when they needed it.
 
Jenn
 
 

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 10:28:57 AM10/7/09
to
yeah!  I read that yesterday.  :)
Jenn

SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 10:30:59 AM10/7/09
to
I think it's important to make a point, especially about something
dangerous. I also think that better communication between parent and child
would go a long way. Seems you're saying your kids didn't believe what you
said, unless you smacked them.

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 10:35:14 AM10/7/09
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That's rationalization. I am certain that for every article you could post
claiming spanking would work, someone else could post an opposing viewpoint.
You seem to be attempting to make the point that discipline is supposed to
make children feel uncomfortable, and the only way to do that is smack them
with a paddle. That's a pretty one sided, and ridiculous viewpoint, IMO.

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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Glenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 11:02:26 AM10/7/09
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There we disagree. I have slapped fingers and smacked butts a few times but
never with a paddle.

Raised in the 30's dad had the fear of God in me and gave me a lot of hell
but I can't remember any time he ever touched me although I'm sure there
were a few smacks.


"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 11:41:26 AM10/7/09
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That's because you believed your parents when they said something, as did I
<g>

"Glenn" <gl...@kc.rr.com> wrote in message
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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 11:43:13 AM10/7/09
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Sounds like your kids are brainwashed.  No offense intended, just telling you what it sounds like to me.
 
My parents disciplined us, but not with a paddle.  My parents were in complete control, especially when we were much younger.  I believed my parents when they said something.  The only reason I can see for the use of a paddle is the fact that your kids don't believe what you say, unless you hit them with a paddle.
 
That's your problem, your lack of control, not theirs.
 

Sniffles

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Oct 7, 2009, 12:49:41 PM10/7/09
to
my kids knew what no meant right away and I never had to spank them. ever.
guess yours were slow to learn eh?

Beady

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:14:45 PM10/7/09
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Are *these* the 'things' to which you refer, Jenn?

http://www.thewilbournegroup.com./Specialties/index.html

Did you have to buy one especially (or did you and your husband have one
already for bedroom 'games'? <wink, wink!>)

My wife and I only *ever* used our own hand for the rare occasion when a
smack was warranted (in our opinion!).
--
Dave


"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:15:34 PM10/7/09
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I'm saying that we spanked for specific broken rules - not everything. Our
kids were just as normal as kids could be. All 3 of them were different
personalities, so they all had different issues that they needed discipline
for. Household rules were explained in great detail ahead of time and each
kid understood what the rules were and which ones they broke would warrant a
spanking. When the rules and consequences are well known, there is no
excuse for breaking them. They learned that they alone were responsible for
their own actions, a realization that too many people never come to
understand even in adulthood.

Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Leo

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:19:44 PM10/7/09
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You would rather let your child burn himself than stop his touching the hot
stove? That is real child abuse.

--

LEO
For every complex problem there is an answer that is simple, neat, and wrong

"bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org> wrote in message
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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:21:01 PM10/7/09
to
I'm not rationalizing anything. I'm telling about a method of discipline
that I learned a long time ago in a seminar given by qualified people, and
I'm explaining how it worked.

Discipline and punishment is supposed to make an impression on kids to the
point that it makes them want to follow the given rules. It isn't supposed
to be comfortable, and it isn't designed to make the kids happy campers.
It's designed to give them a GOOD reason to behave, and to learn that they
are responsible for their own actions and they will be the ones to suffer

the consequences of their own actions.

A "smack" on the butt with a paddle is uncomfortable, and there is nothing
wrong with it when done properly.
Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:23:05 PM10/7/09
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Well .. I wasn't spanked much, but then again I didn't break the rules of
the house much, either. :)
Jenn

"Glenn" <gl...@kc.rr.com> wrote in message
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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:25:21 PM10/7/09
to
Well .. they DID believe what I said because I enforced the rules and spanked them when they broke those rules.  They were just like most kids who would test their boundaries.
 
So, how do you discipline your kids?
 
Jenn
 
 

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:30:07 PM10/7/09
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My husband and I homeschcoled our kids from K-12th grade. They actually
were very quick learners. Since there were at home learning instead of
being in a public school, they had more opportunities to *break* the rules
of the household. That said ... they didn't get spanked every day and
sometimes they didn't get spanked at all for a week or two. Some days they
got more than one spanking.. The result was that I could take my kids out
in public or to any restaurant and they were well behaved happy kids who
knew how to obey their parents and knew they were loved.
Jenn


"Sniffles" <snif...@fuggetaboutit.ca> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:34:35 PM10/7/09
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naaaaa we used something like a paint stirrer .. flat.. not very wide.
Jenn


"Beady" <Be...@nomail.afraid> wrote in message

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Beady

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:41:50 PM10/7/09
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When I was at Grammar School, our woodwork teacher (an ex-RAF Warrant
Officer who stood 6ft 2in tall)) would make the bad lads lean over their
workbench and would whack their bottom (butt) with a length of 4x2!

Most boys only mis-behaved the once! (self included!) ;)

--
Dave


"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:53:35 PM10/7/09
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Seems your communication skills are poor, or your children simply didn't
believe you, or both.

Who determines was constitutes an infraction requiring "spanking" with a
paddle?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:58:44 PM10/7/09
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LOL...do you know what the word means?

One of the definitions of rationalize is "to attribute (one's actions) to
rational and creditable motives without analysis of true and and especially
unconscious motives...to creat an excuse or more attractive explanation".
That's exactly what you're doing, whether you admit it or not.

You have provided zero proof that spanking with a paddle is considered a
viable action. You claim qualified people told you to do this. What
qualified people and what makes them qualified?

Again, you can make children perfectly uncomfortable without resorting to
hitting them with a paddle. You can give children plenty of good reasons
for good behavior without resorting to hitting them with a paddle.

I maintain that your communication skills were severly lacking and your
children believe little of what you said. <g>

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 1:59:22 PM10/7/09
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Why didn't you break the rules? Were you afaid of your parents, afraid of
the consequences, did you believe what your parents told you?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 1:59:58 PM10/7/09
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That would appear to be the case. I'm still having a hard time believing
that a "qualified" person would tell anyone it's okay to hit a child with a
paddle.

"Sniffles" <snif...@fuggetaboutit.ca> wrote in message

news:haigr8$goo$1...@news.eternal-september.org...

SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:01:36 PM10/7/09
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My parents had 4 children. We went to school outside of the home. Every
year we went on a family vacation that included eating in hotels and
restaurants. My parents did not spank us.

My sister has 4 children. She never spanked her children. Her children are
all highly intelligent, compassionate, focused individuals.

Seems to me that you don't have a paddle to stand on, or paddle your way up
shit creek.

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 2:02:09 PM10/7/09
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Something like a paint stirrer? What exactly does that mean?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 2:03:32 PM10/7/09
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LOL...so your kids believed you (sometimes) because they knew you would hit them.  What a lovely scenario.
 
We used different things...time out, removal of toys or privileges, things like that.  I never spanked my child.
 

Jenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 2:03:51 PM10/7/09
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yep! LOL
Jenn


"Beady" <Be...@nomail.afraid> wrote in message

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Wildman

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:09:05 PM10/7/09
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On Oct 7, 7:37 am, Sniffles <sniff...@fuggetaboutit.ca> wrote:
> How about gently taking them away from the stove and saying "hot"!!
>
>
>
> Jenn wrote:
> > Actually, swatting their hand before they touch a hot stove saved them
> > more pain in the long run because a burned hand can blister and the pain
> > lasts must longer and can damage their ability to use their hand.
>
> > It would be abuse to allow them to touch the hot stove, and it's
> > merciful to swat their hand so they have the opportunity to learn that
> > "NO" means "NO" for a good reason.
>
> > --
> > Regards,
>
> > Jenn
>
> > ------------
>
> >     "bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org
> >     <mailto:no...@flockinghome.org>> wrote in message
> >    news:hah03j$mip$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
>
> >     Your abused child would have learned not to touch the hot stove when
> >     he burned his hand. Instead you had to get your punch in to learn
> >     him more better.
>
> >         "Jenn" <n...@noway.com <mailto:n...@noway.com>> wrote in message
> >        news:hagtnc$7dv$1...@news.eternal-september.org...

> >         No .. I didn't beat the *sh*t* out of my kids and then hug them...
>
> >         I swatted their butts with a paddle 1, 2, or 3 times depending
> >         on the rule they broke.   That does not constitute "beating".
> >         It's no different than swatting their hand when they reach to
> >         touch a hot stove.  It's also a very effective method that
> >         teaches them cause and effect - taking responsibility for their
> >         actions by receiving a specific punishment.
>
> >         A punishment isn't supposed to make them feel good.  It's
> >         supposed to get their attention and be unpleasant.
>
> >         --
> >         Regards,
>
> >         Jenn
>
> >             "bird brain" <no...@flockinghome.org
> >             <mailto:no...@flockinghome.org>> wrote in message
> >            news:hagrut$qj0$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >             Let me get this straight...
> >             You beat the shit out of your child then ask for a hug
> >             Isn't that special... Hurt me mommy I wanna feel your love
> >             hurt me harder mommy love me harder mommy
> >             That's plain goofy
>
> >                 "Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com <mailto:m...@nowhere.com>> wrote in
> >                 messagenews:had6av$l0a$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >                     "WhiteHawk" <CantTel...@NotToday.com
> >                     <mailto:CantTel...@NotToday.com>> wrote in message

> >                    news:had01u$sog$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >                     yep...we called it "getting the shit beat out of
> >                     you"  and it happened damn near everyday - at least
> >                     once - sometimes more...looking back - we got what
> >                     we had coming to us.... I don't recall any schoolin'
> >                     on how to spank a kid... it's pretty cut and dry -
> >                     aim for the ass, and if the flop around and cause
> >                     you to miss, then as Dad used to say "if you're
> >                     gonna be stupid, then ya better be tough."
>
> >                         "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com
> >                         <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in message
> >                        news:hacvcd$nch$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >                         My neighbors back home called it a whupping.
>
> >                             "WhiteHawk" <CantTel...@NotToday.com
> >                             <mailto:CantTel...@NotToday.com>> wrote in

> >                             message
> >                            news:hacv18$k45$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >                             ROFLMAO
>
> >                                 "Ferd.Berfle" <fa...@farkle.com
> >                                 <mailto:fa...@farkle.com>> wrote in
> >                                 message
> >                                news:hacsc7$t92$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
> >                                 You went to a seminar to learn how to
> >                                 beat your young'uns?
>
> >                                     "Jenn" <n...@noway.com
> >                                     <mailto:n...@noway.com>> wrote in
> >                                     a new thread- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

The reason we have so many bratty kids today is the lack of
discpipline.

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:34:53 PM10/7/09
to
a paint stirrer ... a lightweight woodlike tool about 10 - 12 inches long,
maybe 1.5 inches in width and probably 1/8th in thick.
Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:36:15 PM10/7/09
to
I said "enforced the rules".  Not all broken rules had a spanking as the punishment.  :)

Jenn
 
 

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:38:03 PM10/7/09
to
We, meaning hubby and I, decided what infraction constituted a "spanking".

Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:46:08 PM10/7/09
to
I'm not "rationalizing" anything, Linda. I'm telling you what we did, why
we did it, and the result of that particular method of
punishment/discipline.

The proof you seek is in the many individuals who grew up well adjusted
members of society even though they were spanked as children.

Also, I wasn't *told* to do this ... I was presented with an effective
method of disciplining children that WORKS.

I realize that some people feel that just *talking* to their kids will
somehow make those kids WANT to obey and behave, and there are some kids
with the personalities that that sort of approach may work for, but I didn't
know any parents who had kids who could just talk to them and they'd follow
the rules. Spanking was always an option as one of the choices. Frankly,
it's more effective and produces more consistent results as far as well
behaved children then talking them to death ever has... :)
Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 2:52:41 PM10/7/09
to
I didn't break the rules because:
1. I knew my parents meant it when they said *NO* or *don't do that*.
2. I didn't like spankings, so I didn't do what it took to get a spanking.
3. It was the right thing to do.

Jenn :)


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 2:57:19 PM10/7/09
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Okay...but what's the dividing line. Why don't you provide examples of
infractions deemed worthy of striking your child with a paddle, and those
that are not?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:03:13 PM10/7/09
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Those people who are opposed to spanking use specific language that is
supposed to cast a negative light on the practice. They use words like
"beat", "hit", "abuse", and other such words that have a negative
conotation. The same method is used in order to cast a negative light on
ones opponent regardless of the topic of discussion.

Do a google search on *spanking as a discipline* and you'll probably come up
with something like 1,740,000 sources. That's alot of discussion and
opinions on spanking. You'll find experts on both sides of the issue making
their case pro or con.

I am on the pro side of this issue... and I would recommend this particular
method to anyone raising kids now.

Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:04:29 PM10/7/09
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So you're saying that all kids can be disciplined effectively without
spanking them? I don't believe that to be the case.

Jenn


"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:05:41 PM10/7/09
to
You are so funny. Your second sentence is, in fact, rationalizing.

Your broad, general and totally unverifiable statement about proof means
nothing. I'm asking you to provide some information that would make
spanking your child with a paddle a reasonable way to discipline a child. I
have no idea, nor do you, how many children were or were not spanked, so you
statement has no meaning.

Now you're playing word games, because you apparently don't have a good
answer. Who were these qualified people? Seems a simple enough question,
which of course, you are under no obligation to answer, but you brought it
up, not me.

My parents did more than talk to us, I did more than talk to my child, and
my sister did more than talk to her children. The word "discipline"
contains no reference to physical discipline. So your use of the word in
not correct. Also, you're making a claim about "spanking" being more effect
and producing more consistent results. That can only be anecdoctal, because
you haven't provided anything that would lead something to believe what you
say.

For instance, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggest that spanking may
be the least effective discipline method. And there are reasons why these
researchers have come to this conclusion.

There are many qualified persons who believe that spanking leads children to
believe that hitting is an acceptable way to solve problems. Often times,
children are too young to understand.

So, what have you got?
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content4/spanking.morph.html

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:06:19 PM10/7/09
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So, you believed your parents but your children didn't believe you. Why do
you suppose that was?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:07:09 PM10/7/09
to
I know what a paint stirrer is. You said "something like a paint stirrer".
A 14" piece of wood with holes drilled in it is "something like a paint
stirrer".

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message
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SeaNymph

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:08:24 PM10/7/09
to
Enforced the rules = spanking.
 
Spanking always involved an enforcement of rules, regardless of whether all broken rules involved spanking.
 

Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:09:01 PM10/7/09
to
I haven't provided examples because I wasn't asked to.

If you are really interested, I don't mind giving examples, but if you just
want to attack me personally for spanking my kids when they were growing up,
there wouldn't be much point in providing examples because you don't really
want to discuss the method so much as you are looking for an opportunity to
attack me personally in some way.

Jenn

"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:09:42 PM10/7/09
to
agreed!
Jenn


"Wildman" <wildm...@gmail.com> wrote in message
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Jenn

unread,
Oct 7, 2009, 3:22:08 PM10/7/09
to
 
According to a recent Voter/Consumer Research poll commissioned by the Family Research Council, 76 percent of the more than 1,000 Americans surveyed said that spanking was an effective form of discipline in their home when they were children.[3] These results are made all the more impressive by the fact that nearly half of those who answered otherwise grew up in homes in which they were never spanked. Taken together, more than four out of five Americans who were actually spanked by their parents as children say that it was an effective form of discipline....

Critics claim that spanking a child is abusive and contributes to adult dysfunction. These allegations arise from studies that fail to distinguish appropriate spanking from other forms of punishment. Abusive forms of physical punishment such as kicking, punching, and beating are commonly grouped with mild spanking. Furthermore, the studies usually include, and even emphasize, corporal punishment of adolescents, rather than focusing on preschool children, where spanking is more effective. This blurring of distinctions between spanking and physical abuse, and between children of different ages, gives critics the illusion of having data condemning all disciplinary spanking.

There are several arguments commonly leveled against disciplinary spanking. Interestingly, most of these arguments can be used against other forms of discipline. Any form of discipline (time-out, restriction, etc.), when used inappropriately and in anger, can result in distorting a child's perception of justice and harming his emotional development. In light of this, let us examine some of the unfounded arguments promoted by spanking opponents.

Argument #1: Many psychological studies show that spanking is an improper form of discipline.

Counterpoint: Researchers John Lyons, Rachel Anderson and David Larson of the National Institute of Healthcare Research recently conducted a systematic review of the research literature on corporal punishment.[6] They found that 83 percent of the 132 identified articles published in clinical and psychosocial journals were merely opinion-driven editorials, reviews or commentaries, devoid of new empirical findings. Moreover, most of the empirical studies were methodologically flawed by grouping the impact of abuse with spanking. The best studies demonstrated beneficial, not detrimental, effects of spanking in certain situations. Clearly, there is insufficient evidence to condemn parental spanking and adequate evidence to justify its proper use.

Argument #2: Physical punishment establishes the moral righteousness of hitting other persons who do something which is regarded as wrong.

Counterpoint: The "spanking teaches hitting" belief has gained in popularity over the past decade, but is not supported by objective evidence. A distinction must be made between abusive hitting and nonabusive spanking. A child's ability to discriminate hitting from disciplinary spanking depends largely upon the parents' attitude with spanking and the parents' procedure for spanking. There is no evidence in the medical literature that a mild spank to the buttocks of a disobedient child by a loving parent teaches the child aggressive behavior.

The critical issue is how spanking (or, in fact, any punishment) is used more so than whether it is used. Physical abuse by an angry, uncontrolled parent will leave lasting emotional wounds and cultivate bitterness and resentment within a child. The balanced, prudent use of disciplinary spanking, however, is an effective deterrent to aggressive behavior with some children.

Researchers at the Center for Family Research at Iowa State University studied 332 families to examine both the impact of corporal punishment and the quality of parental involvement on three adolescent outcomes -- aggressiveness, delinquency, and psychological well-being. The researchers found a strong association between the quality of parenting and each of these three outcomes. Corporal punishment, however, was not adversely related to any of these outcomes. This study proves the point that quality of parenting is the chief determinant of favorable or unfavorable outcomes.[7] Remarkably, childhood aggressiveness has been more closely linked to maternal permissiveness and negative criticism than to even abusive physical discipline.[8]

It is unrealistic to expect that children would never hit others if their parents would only exclude spanking from their discipline options. Most children in their toddler years (long before they are ever spanked) naturally attempt to hit others when conflict or frustration arises. The continuation of this behavior is largely determined by how the parent or caregiver responds. If correctly disciplined, the hitting will become less frequent. If ignored or ineffectively disciplined, the hitting will likely persist and even escalate. Thus, instead of contributing to greater violence, spanking can be a useful component in an overall plan to effectively teach a child to stop aggressive hitting.

Argument #3: Since parents often refrain from hitting until the anger or frustration reaches a certain point, the child learns that anger and frustration justify the use of physical force.

Counterpoint: A study published in Pediatrics indicates that most parents who spank do not spank on impulse, but purposefully spank their children with a belief in its effectiveness.[9] Furthermore, the study revealed no significant correlation between the frequency of spanking and the anger reported by mothers. Actually, the mothers who reported being angry were not the same parents who spanked.

Reactive, impulsive hitting after losing control due to anger is unquestionably the wrong way for a parent to use corporal punishment. Eliminating all physical punishment in the home, however, would not remedy such explosive scenarios. It could even increase the problem. When effective spanking is removed from a parent's disciplinary repertoire, he or she is left with nagging, begging, belittling, and yelling, once the primary disciplinary measures -- such as time-out and logical consequences -- have failed. By contrast, if proper spanking is proactively used in conjunction with other disciplinary measures, better control of the particularly defiant child can be achieved, and moments of exasperation are less likely to occur.

{more: http://faculty.biola.edu/paulp/spare_the_rod.htm  also see the endnotes with a source listing of PHD's, MD's and other experts on this subject}
 
 

~BD~

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:28:40 PM10/7/09
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SeaNymph wrote:
> You are so funny.

You are full of sh*t sometimes.

My wife smacked our children when it was warranted.

My wife's sister *never* smacked her children - ever!

Both have lost a son.

That puts things in perspective.

Lighten-up on Jenn - please.

--
Dave

Jenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:39:46 PM10/7/09
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It's not about *believing*... it has to do with the childs personality and
if they are a more or less compliant personality.

Jenn

"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:40:30 PM10/7/09
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No it isn't ... it's much heavier.
Jenn

"SeaNymph" <SeaN...@deepbluesea.com> wrote in message

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Jenn

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:41:21 PM10/7/09
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No ... "enforcing the rules" does not always = a spanking, but some broken rules did.
Jenn

SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:45:04 PM10/7/09
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Wow...pretty defensive there, don't you think?

You think your behavior is fine. Many think your behavior is horrible. It
has nothing to do with you personally, really, not everything is about you.
It's about a behavior that you have, as yet, been able to adequately
justify.

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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SeaNymph

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Oct 7, 2009, 3:45:28 PM10/7/09
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Where is the dictionary is discipline equated to physically hitting a child?

"Jenn" <m...@nowhere.com> wrote in message

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