Things the Founding Fathers never said

[James]

Things the Founding Fathers never said

THE Fourth of July prompts newspaper columnists to quote the Founding
Fathers and remind people of the great ideas these men had.
But what about what they didn't say? That is just as telling.

For example, no "Mission Accomplished" banner flew over Valley Forge.

With apologies to comedian Norm Crosby, I present the things the Founding
Fathers (and a few others) never said.

Unlike John Edwards, Patrick Henry never said: "I was wrong to vote for this
war. Unfortunately, I'll have to live with that forever."

Unlike Barack Obama, George Washington never said: "There are going to be
times when I get tired. There are going to be times when I get weary. There
are going to be times when I make mistakes."

Unlike Obama, General Horatio Gates never said: "It was a screw-up on the
part of our research team."

Unlike Obama, Benjamin Franklin never said: "All of us know what those
challenges are today: A war with no end."

Unlike Nancy Pelosi, George Mason never said: "It is a decision of the
Supreme Court. So this is almost as if God has spoken."

Unlike Pelosi, John Hancock never said: "The most ethical Congress. Ever."

Unlike George Bush, George Washington never said: "As you know, my position
is clear -- I'm the Commander Guy."

Unlike John Kerry, Thomas Jefferson never said: "You know, education, if you
make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you
make an effort to be smart, uh, you, you can do well. If you don't, you get
stuck in Valley Forge."

Unlike Kerry, James Madison never said: "I actually voted for the
Constitution before I voted against it."

Unlike Patty Murray, Samuel Adams never said: "King George's been out in
these countries for decades, building schools, building roads, building
infrastructure, building day-care facilities, building health-care
facilities, and these people are extremely grateful. We haven't done that."

Unlike the French polled today, Lafayette never said: "America is the
biggest threat to world peace."

Unlike Al Gore, George Washington never said: "Global warming is the most
serious problem we are facing."

Unlike Bill Clinton, Nathan Hale never said: "It depends on what the meaning
of the word 'is' is."

Unlike Clinton, Thomas Jefferson never said: "You know the one thing that's
wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say."

Unlike Clinton, Benjamin Franklin never said: "I can spend your money better
than you can."

Unlike Clinton, Thomas Paine never said: "The purpose of government is to
rein in the rights of the people."

Unlike Clinton, George Washington never said: "I did not have sex with That
Woman."

Unlike Hillary Clinton, Betsy Ross never said: "You know, I suppose I could
have stayed home and baked cookies."

Unlike Mrs. Clinton, George Washington never said: "I'm not just starting a
campaign, though, I'm beginning a conversation -- with you, with America."

Unlike Mrs. Clinton, Abigail Adams never said: "I'm not going to have some
reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

Unlike Mrs. Clinton, James Madison never said: "Who is going to find out?
These women are trash. Nobody's going to believe them."

Unlike Mrs. Clinton, Martha Washington never said: "This vast right-wing
conspiracy has been conspiring against my husband since the day he announced
for president."

Finally, unlike Harry Reid, Paul Revere never said: "The British are coming!
This war is lost."