I Was A Teenage Objectivist - Part Seventeen
Hans Huttel
[ And now for Part 17 of our continuing story. ]
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I Was A Teenage Objectivist
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A true story by B. Linkers - Part Seventeen.
A year had passed since I first came to Fountainhead. With the
approval of my parents I had now decided to major in Applied
Objectivist Epistemology; my minor would still be Theoretical Baseball
but I knew that I would have very little use for it in later life.
I felt that I had reached a turning point in my life, and I thanked my
lucky star for letting me spend the prime of my life at this wonderful
college. As always I was grateful to our gorgeous, pouting philosophy
teacher, Ms. Rant for having introduced me to the mysteries of
philosophy and to the indisputable and straightforward solutions
provided by her Objectivism.
Being sophomores now, I and the rest of my class got to see Aunt Rant
on a daily basis. Needless to say, our hearts leapt with joy every
time we met her. We would now walk the sunny hallways of Fountainhead
College engaged in stimulating discussions with Aunt Rant about
rationality, greed, and the alphabet. Spring was in the air. When the
apple trees would bear fruit we all knew that we would see apples, not
acorns, thanks to the Law of Identity discovered by Aunt Rant.
Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror I had trouble believing my
eyes. There before me stood a tall, lean sophomore whose reasoning
impressed everyone, including Ms. Rant. I would look at the course
notes provided by Mr. Stubblefield and marvel at the wisdom that they
contained. I had come to realize that it would not be long before I
would graduate and finally be able to share my knowledge of the
philosophy that was the crowning achievement of science, being based
entirely on reason, with the rest of the world.
Friday the 13th was `Get A Life' day at Fountainhead. As always, the
sun was shining and spirits were high. The `Get A Life' day was a
tradition introduced by Ms. Rant and aimed at helping people grasp the
values of rational self-interest.
On `Get A Life' day we would all drive down to New York City to hand
out copies of `Titan Nodded' to the lazy, so-called `homeless' people
(none of whom are professional philosophers) who chose to sleep in the
subway. If these low-lifes could be rescued from altruism, anyone
could. This year's slogan, focusing on the notion of Identity, would
be `Just Say A'.
Riding the subway wasn't without dangers, nor did the idea of public
transportation appeal to us. Unfortunately, since a quick application of
reason told us that we could not drive our convertibles in the
tunnels, there really was no alternative.
A shabbily-clad elderly man was lying at the bottom of the steps
leading up to the streets, bottle in hand. As we approached him, he
shouted
- `Who is that gorgeous, pouting woman yonder ?'
We gathered around his cardboard shelter, and as Aunt Rant proceded to
tell the lazy man about the joys of Objectivism, the infinite wisdom
of the Law of Identity, and the universal Law of Existence, we saw a
smile appear on his wrinkled face. However, it quickly faded as he was
charged $5.98 for his copy of `Titan Nodded'.
We spent all day in New York City converting the `homeless'. As we
returned one by one, mission completed, as so often before I couldn't
help but notice the usual unruly gang of shabby, long-haired altruists
with guitars that would hang out at the entrance to Fountainhead.
They, however, would be kept from entering by a number of selfish
armed guards who, to the best of my knowledge, never used coercion of
any kind. I couldn't help feeling sorry for these people but
immediately felt ashamed that I could harbor such a thought; feeling
sorry for someone was after all the root of all altruism. I felt the
money in my pocket and once again I was happy.
--
Hans Huttel email: ha...@dcs.ed.ac.uk
LFCS, Dept. of Computer Science
University of Edinburgh phone: (+44) (0)31-650-5997
Edinburgh EH9 3JZ, UK. Monads ate my Buick.
Anders G|ransson
[ And now for Part 17 of our continuing story. ]
---------------------------
I Was A Teenage Objectivist
---------------------------
A true story by B. Linkers - Part Seventeen.
...(text omitted)
Spring was in the air. When the
apple trees would bear fruit we all knew that we would see apples, not
acorns, thanks to the Law of Identity discovered by Aunt Rant.
Am only a newborn wanna-be Randroid but would very much like
to know what would go wrong with the theory of equal identity
were the apple tree to bear peaches? (Granted of course that these
peaches were well behaved to the point of being identical with
themselves!)
"a newborn wanna-be Randroid" Anders
--
Hans Huttel email: ha...@dcs.ed.ac.uk
LFCS, Dept. of Computer Science
University of Edinburgh phone: (+44) (0)31-650-5997
Edinburgh EH9 3JZ, UK. Monads ate my Buick.
--
If you see Saint Annie, please tell her - Thanks a lot.