Deeandre's Guide to Moonbats
Deeandre' Babydaddy
sure who coined it and I don’t really care, but devoted Usenet participants
should all be aware of what a moonbat is. You’ve all seen them, dealt with
them and have abhorred them but you never knew how to qualify them. Well
now you can with this handy dandy: Deeandre's Guide to Moonbats.
**** Origins of the Moonbat ****
If we trace the roots of the moonbat movement back far enough we will
inevitably find ourselves in the year 1968. For moonbats 1968 is akin to
the birth of Christ. In moonbat time we exist in the CE 38. Woodstock, The
Age of Aquarius, cowards dodging the war, drug addiction, STDs and all that
other dirty hippy shit all really culminated in 1968. So moonbats are
essentially an extension of the original hippies. Of course the whole hippy
movement still exists but it never had any sustenance and teeth to it. Sure
they grasped at some unifying elements such as New Age mumbo jumbo,
Diversity Indoctrination and Ralph Nader but nothing ever stuck. What
really unified this loose knit group of weirdoes and discontents was
President George Bush Jr. Yes his first election victory over Al Gore was
sort of a second coming for these people and it was at this point with the
simple admission that "Bush stole the election" that the moonbats were
borne. The whole movement and discipleship has since snowballed after "Bush
stole the second election and conspired with Halliburton to launch a war
for oil."
**** Moonbat's core beliefs ****
All moonbats hate President Bush. It’s mandatory. There’s a little
flexibility among other moonbat core beliefs but hating Bush is numero uno.
Moonbats are not deep thinkers even though most of them have at least some
education from an exclusive liberal arts institution. They tend to resonate
with short slogans such as "Bush Lied Kids Died, No War for Oil", or
anything with the words Halliburton. As a matter of fact just uttering the
word ‘Halliburton’ is sure to send the moonbats into a frenzy. It’s like
dumping fresh blood into a swarm of sharks. Moonbats are convinced that the
Bush Administration along with Halliburton is somehow responsible for the
9-11 tower attacks. The current war on terror is simply an extension of
this conspiracy. To the moonbats all this terrorist stuff is a sham so
Bush, Cheney and their rich Republican cronies can reap profits through
their "war machine". All moonbats are convinced that the government is
listening in on their phone conversations and monitoring their e-mails.
It’s an obsession. If you want to scare away a swarm of moonbats simply
shout "Patriot Act". This will send them running in terror.
**** The Moonbat Trinity ****
Moonbats are not very religious people but that doesn’t stop them from
having a unholy trinity. At the top is the father, Noam Chomsky, Michael
Moore represents the son and Ralph Nader represents the holy ghost. When it
comes to higher level thinking or authentication of some of their more
bizarre conspiracy theories these are the deities that the moonbats look
towards.
**** Moonbat Language ****
Moonbat's language is nuanced. They speak English just like we do but
common words and expressions that are generally value neutral are laden
with value judgments with the moonbat. If you’re aware you’ll know you’re
talking to a moonbat within 30 seconds. Let me give you an example. Last
summer I was at a wedding and got seated next to some moonbats at the
reception. I had my suspicions right off the bat by their looks, more on
that later, but the real clincher was the language. I don’t know how he did
it but just after introductions this moonbat mentioned Bush, war for oil,
corporate greed, the state of the nation and relocating to France all in
one sentence. His colors were flying. I made a beeline for the cash bar. To
a moonbat word like religious, conservative, Republican, family values,
white, work, capitalism, profit, corporate and self restraint are all
pejoratives. Listen for the use of these words and notice the negative
intonation when Mr. Moonbat says, "Joe Smith works for a corporation and
goes to church on Sunday." Make no bones about it Mr. Moonbat hates Joe
Smith.
**** Non-Employment ****
Moonbats don’t work unless it’s absolutely necessary and even then it’s
barely considered legitimate employment. It’s true that many moonbats are
trustfunders but not of the Paris Hilton variety. Paris has money that we
couldn’t even comprehend. Moonbats are what I call mini trustfunders. This
means that they had a grandfather or father who was a successful business
man or professional and he invested this money wisely for the use of his
progeny. Were talking a half million here, a quarter of a million there. To
guys like me that’s a lot of money but it’s not enough to live the jet set
lifestyle of a Paris Hilton but it does go far enough for one guy to avoid
working for most if not all of his adult life. It’s really rather pathetic
because this money was usually hard earned and meant to be used for
something greater not squandered by some grown man with a beard who wiles
his days away in coffee houses, yoga classes and forming and reforming
bands. We’ve all met guys like this.
**** Barely employment ****
Occasionally the moonbat will either have to work or will choose to work
out of embarrassment. Moonbats with mini trust funds are extremely self
conscious about their unearned wealth. They get tired of inquires about
what they do for a living especially when they hit their mid thirties and
have no compelling reason to get up before noon. They will never go as far
as to get a legitimate job citing ethical reasons when in reality we all
know it’s out of fear of work. These moonbats tend to gravitate toward the
"non-traditional professions". These are your community activists,
freelance writers, freelance photographers and "healing arts" types. In
other words they don’t really have jobs but the titles sound pretty cool.
For example I met moonbat couple this past Saturday. She was a
"naturopathic physician" and he was an "environmentalist" who does some
"freelance writing". Oh boy.
**** The Look ****
Honestly I can always tell a moonbat by the look. It’s dead give away and
it helps me to avoid thousands of unwanted conversations. A simple rule of
thumb to follow is that if hair, clothing and general deportment is adult
and professional looking than it can’t be a moonbat. For a moonbat male
beards are practically a prerequisite. I mean who wears a beard anymore?
Hairy legs are the female counterpart. We can thank the goddess that we
never have to see them. The hair will generally be longish on men and
either extremely long or unflatteringly short on the moonbat women. The
footwear is invariably some sort of sandal worn with purple socks during
the winter months. Clogs are also a bit hit. Suits for either men or women
are non-existent. Natural fibers and what can only be described as
indigenous fashion abound. Women never wear makeup. Deodorant is optional
at best. Female moonbats can best be described as dour and sullen looking.
Male moonbats look emasculated but carry an almost constant self righteous
smirk on their faces as if they are in on some secret to life that only
they are privy to.
**** Where to find moonbats ****
Moonbats can be found wherever there are universities and colleges, in
extremely gentrified urban areas and on the fringes of extreme wealth.
Despite their rhetoric about diversity there will be a virtual absence of
any minorities unless they are working food service jobs. They live in
exclusive communities but they prefer to call them ‘progressive’. You’ll
know you’re in one by the plethora of vintage clothing stores, music
stores, healing arts scams, coffee shops and eateries that serve things
like coos-coos and humus. Also look out for the ubiquitous zone signage.
You know the type. This is a smoke free zone, nuclear free zone, hate free
zone, etc, etc. Of course the dead give a away will be the streets teaming
with adults, dressed like they are in junior high, riding alternative forms
of transportation, all during adult working hours. You’re now in prime
moonbat habitat, everyone “doing their own thing” unless of course that
thing involves work.
A typical day in the life of a moonbat:
Wake up without an alarm around noonish. Turn on NPR’s "All Things
Considered". Pour yourself a bowl of organic Kashi and soymilk but when no
one’s looking you pull put your stash of Coco Puffs and have a heaping
bowl.
Go to the bathroom and make sure your hair looks even messier than it did
when you rolled out of bed. Slip on your uniform of jeans, clogs and some
ironic T-shirt. Jump on your fixie, skateboard or scooter and make your way
down to the local non-corporate coffee house. Find a used copy of the New
York Times, Mother Jones or the Utne Reader. You don’t have to actually
read it. Just holding it will be enough to let everyone know that you’re
well informed.
After killing 30 minutes to 3 hours in the coffee house make your way over
to the corner store for some American Spirit cigarettes. Peruse each and
every porno mag until the Korean proprietor throws you out.
Whoa! It’s almost 4:00 pm. Time for "work" at the Yoga College of Namaste.
As an assistant yoga teacher you get free yoga classes and all the organic
carrot juice you can drink not to mention all the hands on work with the
female students. OK it’s 5:30 pm and works finally over. She if that hottie
wants to go to the Red Radish to discuss pranayama or how Bush lied. She
doesn’t. Must be a dyke.
Pedal over to the local college hang out and have a few cold ones. Maybe
some 18 year old co-ed will want to stroke your beard or talk about
Halliburton. Great, it’s Reggae Night with 10% of all the proceeds going to
the Impeach Bush Campaign. Hmm, where are all the chicks? It’s just a few
dozen dudes with beards. It’s kind of like looking in a mirror.
Go home but not before stopping by Burger King. Make sure no one’s looking
and grab a Whopper or two to go. Get home and wolf down the Whopper. Take a
long look in the mirror. Maybe if you grew your beard longer it would hide
that double chin. Have these jeans shrunk? Start getting depressed. Call up
your 75-year-old mother and threaten suicide if she doesn’t send you ten
grand. After she agrees hang up and contemplate suicide anyway. Make sure
your roommates are all asleep and order a block of Spice flicks. Rub one or
two out and pass out. Repeat the whole process the next day.
There you have it people. All you ever didn't want to know about Moonbats
and their lifestyle. Now that you know how to spot one go out and punch one
in the face and shout "Halliburton".
Kickin' it wit' my ho,
-- Deeandre' Babydaddy
The Color of Crime:
http://tinyurl.com/ybhfh7
Here's the TRUTH about black-on-White crime...
http://www.newnation.org/NNN-Black-on-White.html
Niggers "were over 7 times more likely than whites to commit homicide in 2002"
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm
Niggers are four times as likely as Whites to Kill their children...
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/kidsrates.txt
18.6% of nigger bucks go to jail, vs. 3.4% of White males
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/crimoff.htm
Black bastards! 68.7% of niggers are born out of wedlock!
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/pdf/nvsr50_05tb19.pdf
62% of ALL nigglet births are paid for by the government.
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/datawh/statab/pubd/2319_69.htm
56% of sow niggers have genital herpes!!! See page 21 of...
http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Stats_Trends/Trends2000.pdf
Though only 12% of the population, more niggers are on
welfare than are Whites! See Figure B of...
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ofa/annualreport6/chapter10/chap10.htm
http://www.niggermania.com/tom/
c00lg...@gmail.com
Deeandre' Babydaddy wrote:
>
>
> **** Moonbat's core beliefs ****
>
> All moonbats hate President Bush. It's mandatory. There's a little
> flexibility among other moonbat core beliefs but hating Bush is numero uno.
> Moonbats are not deep thinkers even though most of them have at least some
> education from an exclusive liberal arts institution. They tend to resonate
> with short slogans such as "Bush Lied Kids Died, No War for Oil", or
> anything with the words Halliburton. As a matter of fact just uttering the
> word 'Halliburton' is sure to send the moonbats into a frenzy. It's like
> dumping fresh blood into a swarm of sharks. Moonbats are convinced that the
> Bush Administration along with Halliburton is somehow responsible for the
> 9-11 tower attacks. The current war on terror is simply an extension of
> this conspiracy. To the moonbats all this terrorist stuff is a sham so
> Bush, Cheney and their rich Republican cronies can reap profits through
> their "war machine". All moonbats are convinced that the government is
> listening in on their phone conversations and monitoring their e-mails.
> It's an obsession. If you want to scare away a swarm of moonbats simply
> shout "Patriot Act".
>
who have come to despise Dubya for his unrelenting assaults upon our
freedoms and the lives of foreigners for the only apparent purpose of
lining his pockets and those of his cronies?
'Moonbats' are people who can take a series of related events and
facts, like Ashcroft refusing to fly public flights after August 2001
because of what he must have concluded were credible threats to airline
safety, the top-level interference with FBI investigations at the
Chicago office of Moussasoui, top-level suppression of the Phoenix
Memo, and the attacks of 9-11, and come to the not-at-all odd
conclusion that 9-11 was at the very least permitted by the current
regime, and quite possibly aided by it?
'Moonbats' are people who can only come to grips with the current
administration's betrayal of their trust in the government to protect
them from external threats, by concluding that it must have been out of
simple greed, as the administration has been quick to afford its
corporate allies all of the opportunities to profit from the 9-11
attacks, even going so far as to engineer a war with Iraq on evidence
that no credibly sane or competent person would conclude implicated
Iraq in 9-11?
Huh. Well spank my ass and call me a moonbat.