In the absence of any regular advice --here is some that doesn't
support punishing parents who don't follow them to the letter.

-Special notes to new posters:I do not support the reform of
reasonable force statutes that lead to punitive measures for parents
who may use discipline within the current legal limits (this would
include but is not limited to physical restraint to protect a child
from harm of self or others).

-also do not post any personal information on this site. Often
participants in this n.g. will use/abuse the information.

48 Suggestions:

Positive Discipline:  50 Principles & Alternatives to Punishment

Principle #1: Decode the message behind the misbehavior

Principle #2: Understand WHY the behavior is occurring

Principle #3: Help the child calm down by staying calm and speaking
calmly

Principle #4: Explain to the child how his/her behavior affects others

Principle #5: If possible, alter the precipitating factors that led to
the behavior

Principle #6: Discuss together a non-punitive consequence for the
behavior that is logical to the behavior

Principle #7: Carry out what you promised to carry out when you
promised to do so

Principle #8: Do not nag, lecture, threaten or use sarcasm

Principle #9: Praise efforts and reward success

Principle #10: If the behavior begins to occur again, give a reminder
of why the behavior is not appropriate- you will need to be consistent
over time

Principle #11: Unless the behavior involves harming self, others or
property, give three warnings "1,2,3..."

Principle #12: Immediately follow through with the consequence with a
brief restating of the infraction in a firm (but friendly) tone

Principle #13: Discuss with the child what occurred, why it wasn't
acceptable and how it can be prevented in the future.

Principle #14: Let the child voice his/her feelings freely without
judgment

Principle #15: Help the child to understand that he/she is a good,
acceptable person and that the behavior, not the child, is
unacceptable- accept young people unconditionally regardless of their
behavior

Principle #16: Remember what it was like to be at the child's age.
Refrain from tacking adult meanings and connotations onto childish
behavior

Principle #17: Read up on child and adolescent development and find
out if what you are expecting is developmentally appropriate- or if
the misbehavior is age-appropriate behavior

Principle #18: Understand each child's individual capabilities, needs
and circumstances and modify your expectations and approaches
accordingly

Principle #19: If the child has multiple negative behaviors, only
focus on modifying those that are most destructive to self, others and
property

Principle #20: Empower children with acceptable choices- don't just
tell them what they CAN'T do- give them acceptable alternatives

Principle #21: Use re-direction, distraction and selective ignoring
for minor infractions

Principle #22: Use of the toilet should be viewed as a necessary
right, not a privilege- promote health and healthy attitudes towards
the body by honoring this right- if children misuse the bathroom pass
in school, have them use the toilet in the nurse's office for one week
as a consequence

Principle #23: Decode the need the child is trying to meet by his/her
misbehavior and help them meet that need by acceptable means

Principle #24: If the child is out of control, guide them to a quiet
area to calm down before discussing the problem

Principle #25: If a child must be placed in a "time out", do not
impose a time limit- let the child come out when he/she is ready-
never leave a young child unsupervised- never close a child into a
frightening room- do not banish the child

Principle #26: If the child comes out of a "time out" prematurely,
state that it looks as if he/she is ready to behave appropriately and
give them that chance- avoid forcing them back in unless the behavior
starts up again

Principle #27: Children often misbehave when they lack attention- give
them the attention they need and deserve- including hugging, patting
the back, ruffling the hair, high fives, etc.

Principle #28: Rather than give "do not" messages, state what you
would like to see instead

Principle #29: If physical restraint is necessary to avoid an attack
against the self or others, do so progressively, in stages beginning
with a verbal warning, increased physical proximity, followed by a
hand on the shoulder and then a gentle hand on the arm, progressing
with as little restraint as possible to keep the child from harming
self or others

Principle #30: If the child shows lack of attention and restlessness,
evaluate whether the activities you provide are stimulating, exciting,
involving and appropriate to the learning style and intelligence needs
of the child

Principle #31: Discuss the importance of verbalizing feelings rather
than acting on impulses- model this!

Principle #32: Model the behaviors you want to see your children
emulate

Principle #33: Do not engage in conduct that you don't allow in your
children

Principle #34: If your child has consistent behavioral problems do
your best to alleviate the causes- enforce only necessary limits and
cut away unnecessary rules and inflexible ways of doing things

Principle #35: Teach and model positive, healthy guilt and remorse
that leads to restitution and responsibility- teach and model good
social skills

Principle #36: Never shame, belittle or humiliate your child- help
them build a positive self-image and a healthy self-esteem

Principle #37: Admit when you've made mistakes and apologize to your
child

Principle #38: Teach and model that violence is not acceptable,
including that it is never acceptable for adults to hit children

Principle #39: Be involved with the media your child is viewing and
discuss what they see and why it is positive or negative

Principle #40: The rule about gaining respect is to earn it- you earn
it from a child by giving it to them

Principle #41: Help a frequently errant child succeed by giving
him/her small steps towards a goal that ensures success- never give up
on a kid!

Principle #42: Do guide children and do not leave them to regulate
their own behavior- children feel unsafe when there are no limits at
all- spend more time with them

Principle #43: Tune in to, rather than ignore, physical and verbal
cues that something is bothering a child

Principle #44: Deescalate a problem before the child gets out of
control- be aware of the warning signs of escalating behavior

Principle #45: Treat boys with the same dignity and caring, gentle,
loving concern that you treat girls with- do not discipline boys for a
behavior that you allow girls to get away with- do not tolerate sexist
attitudes in girls that you wouldn't allow boys to get away with- do
not put gender restrictions on toys, emotions, hobbies and activities

Principle #46: Avoid power struggles and verbal fights with older
kids- negotiate democratically when possible

Principle #47: Honor a child's need for autonomy and power over some
aspects of his/her decisions- let them make decisions where
appropriate

Principle #48: Above all, treat all children with dignity and respect
by refraining from using negative, punitive and violent methods of
control- Use positive methods that promote critical thinking and show
love, caring, empathy, understanding and patience towards all children

--I'm interested in hearing from those of you who are not supportive
of the "cohort" agenda to punish parents through revoking the
reasonable force statutes on the books. Here in TX we are keeping an
eye on them when they try to harm families by extending the control of
laws to further limit family rights and by putting kids at greater
risk.--I am not interested in any contact with the"cohort" and have
boycotted any conversations with them for several years now. Their
agenda is all to obvious and very harmful to families.--The only point
we agree on is that spanking is not needed to discipline kids--beyond
that they beat the drum for their singular cause (spanking = child
abuse---no matter what and parents who use it should be punished).

They support full equal--political, social rights for kids and have
posted as much. Keep an eye on them in your community.

-Non-spanker by choice
Chris C.
TX