Biting
LGH409
My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
others. What can I do? I tell her that it isn't nice and that it hurts and I
am quite certain that she understands that it is wrong. Her daycare provider
feels that it is just a phase, but as a parent I feel that I should do more
than just wait for this phase to pass. I don't believe in spanking and doubt
that time outs are the answer either.
Elaine Gallegos
She's too young to be in daycare. Preverbal toddlers cannot be reasoned
with reliably. Naturally, daycare facilities out of necessity daycare
facilities try to force co-operation from toddlers too young to really
understand. Sometimes, they can get some control, other times not.
Your baby needs parenting, especially at this young age. You found time
to make her, now make time to raise her.
LGH409 (lgh...@aol.com) wrote:
: My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
Teri G.
> > LGH409 (lgh...@aol.com) wrote:
> > : My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
> > : others. What can I do? I tell her that it isn't nice and that it hurts and I
> > : am quite certain that she understands that it is wrong. Her daycare provider
> > : feels that it is just a phase, but as a parent I feel that I should do more
> > : than just wait for this phase to pass. I don't believe in spanking and doubt
> > : that time outs are the answer either.
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>
> She's too young to be in daycare. Preverbal toddlers cannot be reasoned
> with reliably. Naturally, daycare facilities out of necessity daycare
> facilities try to force co-operation from toddlers too young to really
> understand. Sometimes, they can get some control, other times not.
> Your baby needs parenting, especially at this young age. You found time
> to make her, now make time to raise her.
>
Yikes...I bet that really helped her. And nothing like generalizing.
Anyway, to the original poster, why do you feel that time outs won't
work? When my son was just about this age, he started to bite. Kids
this age bite because their ability to express themselves verbally is
limited, and they get very frustrated. When Shaun would bite, we would
simply tell him "no, that hurts!" in a firm voice, and put him in
time-out (one minute for each year of age - so not quite 2 minutes).
When we brought him out of time out, we gave him a big hug & explained
to him that we love him very much, and know he loves us, and doesn't
want to hurt us, and biting hurts. Try & help her find words to express
what is bothering her.
Good luck,
Teri
Btw, both of my children are in day care, *and* I do parent them and
have the time to raise them. Their attending daycare does not
automatically preclude this.
Jenn
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
> She's too young to be in daycare. Preverbal toddlers cannot be reasoned
> with reliably. Naturally, daycare facilities out of necessity daycare
> facilities try to force co-operation from toddlers too young to really
> understand. Sometimes, they can get some control, other times not.
> Your baby needs parenting, especially at this young age. You found time
> to make her, now make time to raise her.
>
I am SO glad you don't have kids....I'd hate to think of kids being raised with such
closed minds, so judgemental, and so hateful. I feel bad for you.
Jenn
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
> Jenn (je...@u.washington.edu) wrote:
> : Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>
> : > She's too young to be in daycare. Preverbal toddlers cannot be reasoned
> : > with reliably. Naturally, daycare facilities out of necessity daycare
> : > facilities try to force co-operation from toddlers too young to really
> : > understand. Sometimes, they can get some control, other times not.
> : > Your baby needs parenting, especially at this young age. You found time
> : > to make her, now make time to raise her.
>
> : I am SO glad you don't have kids....I'd hate to think of kids being raised with such
> : closed minds, so judgemental, and so hateful. I feel bad for you.
>
> Tell the truth. You're pissed at the thought of actually having
> to raise your kid. You either have one parked at the warehouse, or have
> the holding facility picked out.
I see--ngs are just the only place that you can get away with being such a BITCH! :)
Buzz off.
Lisa A. Hye
I can't understand why someone with no children is here offering us advice!
You really need to get a life if all you have to occupy your time is coming
on this newsgroup and telling people how to raise their children. You have
no right to do that. You don't have children nor do you want children. Why
are you here? Other than to aggravate us???
Lisa
Mom to Kelsey (2)
http://members.tripod.com/~LisaHye/index.htm
Elaine Gallegos wrote in message :
Elaine Gallegos
Mike Kohary
LGH409 wrote:
>
> My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
> others. What can I do? I tell her that it isn't nice and that it hurts and I
> am quite certain that she understands that it is wrong. Her daycare provider
> feels that it is just a phase, but as a parent I feel that I should do more
> than just wait for this phase to pass. I don't believe in spanking and doubt
> that time outs are the answer either.
That's awful young to simply "teach" her, in terms of explaining the
hows and whys and etc. Basically, I think at this point it's a matter
of rote repitition. She bites, you intervene and state "no" firmly.
Repeat ten thousand times. ;) In other words, all you can do is be
consistent and relentless; she'll get it after a while. Good luck; I'm
almost there myself (almost 11 months now, and just learning that it's
"fun" to bite)....
Mike
--
From Seattle, WA - Seahawks, cinema, science
and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com
---------------------------------------
Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm
Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm
Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Mar...@my-dejanews.com
In article <199806182101...@ladder03.news.aol.com>,
lgh...@aol.com (LGH409) wrote:
>
> My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
> others. What can I do? I tell her that it isn't nice and that it hurts and I
> am quite certain that she understands that it is wrong. Her daycare provider
> feels that it is just a phase, but as a parent I feel that I should do more
> than just wait for this phase to pass. I don't believe in spanking and doubt
> that time outs are the answer either.
>
I am the mother of three. My oldest bit when he was the age of your daughter.
I do not think your expectations are realistic. You are giving your daughter
credit for a degree of self control, rational thought and verbal
understanding beyond the developmental level of an 18 month old. A child of
this age does not understand right from wrong in the way that you or I do.
She cannot always stop herself from doing things. She does not understand the
feelings or motivations of others. She likely does not have any clue why she
shouldn't bite.
Remove her from the source of frustration when she bites. Tell her no in a
firm voice. Watch her closely and anticipate when she might bite and head her
off at the pass so to speak (if she is getting close to melt down time,
distract or redirect her). Time outs do help in that they are non-emotional
and do not reward the behaviour with extra attention.
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading
Mike Kohary
Oh yeah? How about this, Elaine? My wife and I strongly believe in the
very concept you promote - a two-parent family - whenever possible. We
even believe that parents should strive hard and make sacrifices if
necessary in order to accomplish this. Not only do we say it, but we
live it and do it. I work odd hours, mostly at night. She works part
time during the day, but that's when I'm home. Mia has never seen the
inside of a daycare, and never will. We don't consider it an option.
She *always* has her parents around, and we will do whatever it takes to
see to it that things remain that way. We are your ideal family
situation, the one that you're always preaching about.
Having said that, I think you're a bitch.
See, our lifestyle puts me on the same side of the tracks as
you.....UNFORTUNATELY, because the way you present the whole concept
just makes me want to puke! When have you ever seen me prance around on
this group proclaiming that all single parents are losers? Unlike you,
I understand that single parenthood occurs for reasons beyond human
control as well as within it. It's true that many, many separations are
uneccesary, and all too common these days. But your gross
generalizations are preposterous, and worthless. Some single parents
are that way against their wishes. I have a friend who's wife DIED -
he's a single dad. What crystalline advice would you be giving him;
maybe about what a shit he is for sticking his daughter with grandma and
grandpa while he works his ass off just to *survive*?
So, I feel like I should hardly ever mention my support for two-parent
families, for fear that it might make me look aligned with your
opinion. Hell, besides that, it's not my place to say such things.
Seems to me that the single parent posters who frequent this group love
their children dearly, and are wonderful parents. I've been very
impressed with some of the things the single parents on this group do.
The way I see it, single parenthood is to be avoided whenever possible.
But if it *does* occur, for whatever reason, good or bad, it must then
be dealt with! Your "solution" is simply to berate those who are single
parents; I'm more interested in helping them raise their kids well by
offering support and withholding judgement. My own father was a louse,
who cheated on my mother and left us. My mother did a wonderful job
with us, raising two sons that turned out to be compassionate,
intelligent adults - and teaching us commitment in the process. She did
it by creating a close family atmosphere with grandparents and the
like. You would have told her to put us up for adoption or something.
And when I read your rantings on the subject, and think of my friend and
his dead wife/mother, I just want to punch you in the mouth for your
total disregard for basic human compassion. Thank heaven you will never
be a parent - you'd be a lousy one, given your attitude.
It can be done. So instead of your useless admonishments and
judgements, which don't help ANYONE, why don't you try some useful
suggestions for a change? Even Dr. Laura has stated that she only talks
that way on the radio - she'd be a fucking hermit if she spoke that way
to her friends and family, and she knows it. How lonely are you,
Elaine?
Brenna
Mike Kohary wrote in message <358C067E...@serv.net>...
>. snipped a very good post>
HIP HIP HOORAY!!!
you echo my feelings precisely. I have the utmost respect for single
parents. There are days when it takes both my hubby and me to take care of
our son--and there are days that we would love to have at least three more
sets of hands around to help.
Brenna
chewy toy of Connor, age 1
Jenn
Can I just say THANK YOU????!!!! As a single mom, working her buttocks off at
it, I think your sentiments are great. Both of you!!!!!!!! I appreciate it.
In fact, I'm having a bad day and needed to hear that... :)
-Jenn
Single mom and proud of it to Tyler (5) and Lexi (2)
paul wasson
Elaine Gallegos
Jenn (je...@u.washington.edu) wrote:
: > : I am SO glad you don't have kids....I'd hate to think of kids being raised with such
: > : closed minds, so judgemental, and so hateful. I feel bad for you.
: > Tell the truth. You're pissed at the thought of actually having
: > to raise your kid. You either have one parked at the warehouse, or have
: > the holding facility picked out.
: I see--ngs are just the only place that you can get away with being such a BITCH! :)
: Buzz off.
Yet, I notice that you do not contend the truth of what I said to you.
Obviously it would be a big inconvenience to you to have to leave school
to raise your baby.
Elaine Gallegos
Mike Kohary (mko...@serv.net) wrote:
: LGH409 wrote:
: >
: > My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
: > others. What can I do? I tell her that it isn't nice and that it hurts and I
: > am quite certain that she understands that it is wrong. Her daycare provider
: > feels that it is just a phase, but as a parent I feel that I should do more
: > than just wait for this phase to pass. I don't believe in spanking and doubt
: > that time outs are the answer either.
: That's awful young to simply "teach" her, in terms of explaining the
: hows and whys and etc. Basically, I think at this point it's a matter
: of rote repitition. She bites, you intervene and state "no" firmly.
: Repeat ten thousand times. ;) In other words, all you can do is be
: consistent and relentless; she'll get it after a while. Good luck; I'm
: almost there myself (almost 11 months now, and just learning that it's
: "fun" to bite)....
: Mike
This got my curiosity up as to exactly how long the baby has been in
daycare. It seems very likely that the biting is self rewarding- it could be
the most attention that she has ever recieved. Why on earth would she
give up something so effectively providing her with her with such a good
response? Squeeky wheel getting the grease and all.......
Terri
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
Bullshit. Your abysmal ignorance about children is showing.
Terri
Mike Kohary
You're a nipplehead, Elaine. You know why? Because you don't know
anything about kids, but pretend that you do. That makes you a
presumptuous person - arrogant in the extreme.
Here's news for you: ALL CHILDREN/BABIES BITE. Children of two-parent
households bite. Children of single-parent households bite. Children
of homeless people bite. Children with no parents bite. If you had any
children of your own, which you don't, you'd know this. But also, if
you'd pay attention to those of us who DO have children, you'd know this
as well. It has nothing to do with daycare, and absent dad/mom, or
black magic. It's just plain natural. And yes, of course they're doing
it for attention. My daughter bites sometimes - she's in a two-parent
household, and will never see the inside of a daycare. How do you
explain that?
The very first post I made on this group with regards to yourself,
Elaine, was in defense of you. Someone (I can't remember who) posted
that you had no kids, and therefore you should not be listened to. I
posted back, stating (correctly, as a philosophical point) that
expertise is not necessarily relevant to an argument. I now regret that
defense, since it's obvious that in your case, you're perfectly
comfortable leveling judgements and forming opinions without the benefit
of research or knowledge, and your lack of expertise totally undermines
your arguments.
You say you're a psych student. Not a very good one, I take it? I know
more psych than you, and that's not even my major. I wonder about your
psych profile; what makes you such a little person? Why do you post to
this group, and why do you refuse to answer that question? Why do you
post here? You have no children, no interest in having children, and no
interest in learning anything about parenthood. Your only interest in
in leveling snap judgements against others. Turn that psych mirror on
yourself, and ask yourself why you do that? What is your motivation?
Why do you post here?
My guesses: insecurity, lack of confidence, lack of social tact and
ability; bringing others down in order to raise yourself up. I would
guess that you have few real friends; you probably alienate most of your
aquaintances sooner or later. Makes you feel good to put others down,
doesn't it? Its a false feeling, and a fleeting one I'm sure, as you
have to repeat it over and over to maintain it. In that respect, it's
much like drug addiction. Look at yourself; you're a pathetic person
for harping on others - on a topic you know nothing about!
Go away, because it's only going to get worse. You are hurting yourself
more than anyone else, by continuing this deviant behavior. Your
problems are worse by far than the problems of the single parents in
this group; I pity you. You must dread the coming of each new day; I
can't imagine what that must be like. Look into the mirror before you
attack others, sweetie.
paul wasson
Bravo again Mike
Mike Kohary wrote in message <358CEEBF...@serv.net>...
>Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>>
>> Mike Kohary (mko...@serv.net) wrote:
>> : LGH409 wrote:
>> : >
>> : > My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she
shouldn't bite
<snip>
>> : That's awful young to simply "teach" her, in terms of explaining the
>> : hows and whys and etc. Basically, I think at this point it's a matter
>> : of rote repitition.
<big snip>
Jenn
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
There is no "truth". There is no need to point that out. Everyone here who belongs here
knows...
Elaine Gallegos
Ok, my solution to the uncontrolled biting in a one year old baby is
that someone actually be there to raise the baby.
It seems rather silly to try to find ways of "reasoning" with a one year
old....
Even that "mike" guy said essentially the same thing... someone actually
has to be there to tell them ten thousand times, no biting. It's called
socialization. The baby is undersocialized. In essense they trained her
to bite. Look at all the attention she is getting for once.
Lisa Catara (el...@mousepotato.com) wrote:
: At a time when the earth was new, Lisa A. Hye wrote:
: > I can't understand why someone with no children is here offering us advice!
: > You really need to get a life if all you have to occupy your time is coming
: > on this newsgroup and telling people how to raise their children. You have
: > no right to do that. You don't have children nor do you want children. Why
: > are you here? Other than to aggravate us???
: As much as Elaine's obvious trolling galls me, I have to point out that
: she has every right to post here, just like anyone else. Usenet *is* a
: public forum and the fact that she doesn't have any children shouldn't
: matter.
: However, I find her constant harping against parents who use daycare to be
: repetative and often ill informed. Like Jenn, I get annoyed when I read her
: close-minded posts. I don't use daycare or babysitters myself, but I don't
: harbor any bad feelings for people who do. I suspect that a great many of
: them wish they didn't have to, but such is life in the 90's. But even if
: that's not the case, it's certainly their own business, not mine. As with
: so many parenting issues (breast vs. bottle, cloth vs. disposable), we all
: have to do what we feel is best.
: Elaine, you *are* capable of providing helpful information when you choose
: to. The fact that you feel obligated to repeat your opinion about single
: parents and daycare ad nauseum, however, puts you smack on the border of
: being a troll. Not a hanging offense, but I'd be amazed if it hasn't landed
: you in more than one killfile. That doesn't really seem condusive to the
: spirit of a group called alt.parenting.solutions.
: ^^^^^^^^^
: --
: Lisa & Josh (11 months)
: email mom2josh at hotmail dot com
Mike Kohary
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>
> Ok, my solution to the uncontrolled biting in a one year old baby is
> that someone actually be there to raise the baby.
And I told you that you were wrong in assuming the baby is biting
because he's not being parented. My baby bites, and she is parented 24
hours a day - no daycare. Sorry, Lisa had you dead to rights in her
post.
> It seems rather silly to try to find ways of "reasoning" with a one year
> old....
Yes, it does. No one suggested that. Repetition and removal are the
only two options with a baby.
> Even that "mike" guy
My name is Mike, not "that mike guy". Call me Mike. I know you hate
that I argue with you, because I fit into your "ideal" of the two-parent
household. You hate that someone like me thinks you're a bitch. But I
only think you're a bitch, because you act like one. Why don't you
prove me wrong, and act like a reasonable, compassionate human being for
a change?
> said essentially the same thing... someone actually
> has to be there to tell them ten thousand times, no biting.
That's right. So why bring daycare into it? Any excuse to pull out
your pet issue?
> It's called
> socialization.
It's called parenting.
> The baby is undersocialized.
^^^^^^^^^^
You don't know any such thing. While daycare has many faults (possibly
including underPARENTING - note that I said "possibly"),
undersocializing is hardly one of them. Think about it for a
minute.....
> In essense they trained her
> to bite.
That is just plain stupid.
> Look at all the attention she is getting for once.
Again, you do not know whereof you speak. Only complete idiots and
ignoramouses speak out of turn on subjects they know nothing about,
especially when they are told repeatedly by people who *do* know
better. Are you telling us you're an ignorant idiot?
Here's an amazing fact: Elaine is married. I gotta wonder what *he's*
like.....
Linda and Kelly
Mike Kohary wrote:
> Here's an amazing fact: Elaine is married. I gotta wonder what *he's*
> like.....
Yeah, but she never mentions him--only the goat and the dog...hmmmm....
--
Linda
Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be
right.
Linda and Kelly
Jenn wrote:
> Elaine Gallegos wrote:
> > Obviously it would be a big inconvenience to you to have to leave school
> > to raise your baby.
> There is no "truth". There is no need to point that out. Everyone here who belongs here
> knows...
Yes, we do, Jenn. You make sure you achieve your goals and make your
baby proud!
Jenn
> Here's an amazing fact: Elaine is married. I gotta wonder what *he's*
> like.....
A) VERY stupid with NO self-esteem
B) Meaner than hell, so she has to be mean here--has to have someplace to
vent.
C) Quiet. REALLY quiet.
She gets to guess what my family's like, so this is kind of neat turning the
tables. Thanks for the chance, Mike. :)
Jeff Lynch
> like.....
>
>
> --
> From Seattle, WA - Seahawks, cinema, science
> and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com
> ---------------------------------------
> Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm
> Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm
> Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
Mike,
I would just ignore Elaine. She's the kind of person who isn't worth the
time or effort.
How does that saying go, "Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You both end up
getting dirty and the pig enjoys it".
Elaine *enjoys* flinging venom, hatred, and insults. She enjoys
inflicting hurt on other people. Its useless to try to figure out *why*
she does it, because to normal people her actions are despicable. But,
to Elaine, its just pure joy to hurt people.
Maybe if we all ignore her, she'll go away! :)
Jeff
Elaine Gallegos
<358D7540...@serv.net> <358D9F04...@u.washington.edu>:
Distribution:
The name of this newsgroup is parenting SOLUTIONS. Excuse me, but what
was YOUR solution to the issue of the baby biting at daycare?
Many have not liked my recommended solution to this problem. They have
even said that my ideas for fixing the problem were off topic!
Obviously some people are furious with my suggestion that the baby get
more socialization, and have said unkind things to me personally.
I do not think that the suggestion to spend more time socializing the
tot is an unkind thing to say. Yet, I suppose that a monkey wrench was
not about to be thrown into my day by having the daycare call me up and
telling me to come pick up my biting kid.
Jenn (je...@u.washington.edu) wrote:
: > Here's an amazing fact: Elaine is married. I gotta wonder what *he's*
: > like.....
: A) VERY stupid with NO self-esteem
Teri G.
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
> The name of this newsgroup is parenting SOLUTIONS. Excuse me, but what
> was YOUR solution to the issue of the baby biting at daycare?
I think that quite a few people have offered solutions. Mike explained
(quite well) the reason(s) that your "solution" was *not* a solution -
almost all children at this age bite, whether or not they attend day
care.
> Many have not liked my recommended solution to this problem. They have
> even said that my ideas for fixing the problem were off topic!
Maybe not entirely off-topic, but close. Your post was not a solution,
but an ill-informed judgement. And, as Mike said, probably an excuse to
bring up one of your beloved subjects.
> Obviously some people are furious with my suggestion that the baby get
> more socialization, and have said unkind things to me personally.
And your comment to the original poster was not unkind? she came
looking for help and suggestions, and you basically insinuate that she
is doing her child harm by putting her in day care. Even you must know
that your comments were not helpful to her.
Yet, I suppose that a monkey wrench was
> not about to be thrown into my day by having the daycare call me up and
> telling me to come pick up my biting kid.
>
The poster never said this was the case. If I remember right, she
explained that the day care thought less of the significance of biting
than did she.
> > I do not think that the suggestion to spend more time socializing the
> > tot is an unkind thing to say.
> Hypertext Webster Gateway:
> "socialization"
>
> From WordNet (r) 1.6 (wn)
>
> socialization n 1: the act of meeting for social purposes; "there was too much socialization with the
> enlisted men" [syn: {socialisation}, {socializing}] 2: the adoption of the behavior patterns of the
> surrounding culture [syn: {socialisation}, {acculturation}]
What part of the above definition does day care not provide?
Maybe you are not trying to be unkind. And I agree that because you do
not have children does not mean that you might not have some useful
insights. But your posts do not come across as helpful, encouraging,
useful, supportive, or as *solutions*. And those are the reasons why
many of us do not like your posts, *not* because you are not a parent.
And don't cry woe is me because somebody called you on the carpet and
speculated a little on your personal life. You judge other posters'
pesonal lives here every time you post, and with no compassion or
understanding whatsoever. When one poster is insightful enough to point
out where your knowledge and experience is lacking, you cannot even
address him politely. Who has ever referred to you as "that Elaine
person"? Then again, that would probably be one of the nicer things
said about you.
Again, I think someone once asked you the question, why exactly are you
here? What motivates your interests in a parenting newsgroup? I, for
one, would still like to hear your answer to that.
Teri
Burnette
Sigh. Elaine, I am a SAH mom from a 2 parent family. I can assure you
my son gets alot of attention. Guess what? When he was 2 he started
biting. He did it because he didn't have the verbal skills to express
his frustration. It took alot of work to teach him not to bite. But it
is not fair to assume that the baby bites because he/she is in daycare.
I will also say that anyone who has a child with a biting problem has my
utmost sympathy. It is very embarassing and of all the ways a child
could pick to act out at that age, it is the least socially acceptable.
Good luck.
Lisa
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>
> This got my curiosity up as to exactly how long the baby has been in
> daycare. It seems very likely that the biting is self rewarding- it could be
> the most attention that she has ever recieved. Why on earth would she
> give up something so effectively providing her with her with such a good
> response? Squeeky wheel getting the grease and all.......
janelaw
I know nothing about biting, but I felt bad that your question
has led to an internecine war. I looked around and found some
articles. It sounds like you need to work in conjunction with
your daycare provider. Hope these help.
This one is from Child and Youth Health
http://www.cyh.com/cyh/parentopics/usr_index2.stm?topic_id=58
BITING
Biting is fairly common amongst young children and it is one of
the things that worries adults most. Biting is often very
painful
and frightening for the child who is bitten. It can also be
frightening for the child who bites, because it upsets the
other
child and makes adults very angry. Biting can make the child
who bites feel very powerful because of the strong reaction
that it brings. This feeling of power can also be frightening
for
children because they need to feel secure that their feelings
can be controlled.
WHAT CAUSES BITING?
There are four different kinds of biting.
EXPERIMENTAL BITING
Biting is the way that infants explore the world. They put
everything into
their mouths. At some stage many infants will try biting the
breast when
they are feeding or biting a parent or carer. Sometimes it
almost seems
like a game to the child.
What you can do for experimental biting
Don't let children see that you think it is funny or a game.
Say firmly:
"No! Biting hurts." Remove them quickly from the breast or arm
or
whatever they are biting. Infants and toddlers will usually
soon learn not
to bite in this situation. When children are teething they need
lots of
things to bite on because often their gums feel sore. Give them
things
that they can safely bite on e.g. teething rings.
BITING FROM FRUSTRATION
Frustration happens when children get into situations that they
can't
handle. Children under three or so are not usually ready to
play in a
cooperative way with other children in groups. If they are in a
group
and another child takes their toy they may respond by hitting
or biting.
They have not yet learned other ways to cope. If biting gets a
strong
response, which is likely, they will see that it is successful
and may try it
again. Sometimes, too, the youngest children bite when they are
playing
with others who are bigger and stronger than they are.
What you can do about biting from frustration
If you can, get in first and cut down the situations that
the child
cannot cope with. Try to keep group play to short periods
and
small groups. Watch for situations where two children
might
want the same toy and step in first to distract them.
Children in this situation need close adult supervision,
especially
if they are known to bite. However even the best
supervision,
unless it is one-to-one, will not prevent some children
from
getting in a quick bite.
If your child does bite, say firmly "We don't bite, biting
hurts" and
remove him immediately from the situation. Keep him with
an
adult for a while. The child needs you to understand his
feelings
and start teaching him to manage them differently. This
takes a
long time to learn. Feelings are very hard for young
children to
control. You might say something like "You were very cross
when
Peter took your truck" or "You wanted to play with the
truck. If
you feel cross tell me and I will help you".
FEELING POWERLESS
Often it is the youngest child in the family who bites. The
older children
seem stronger and more able to get what they want and the
youngest
feels small and powerless. The same can happen in groups. The
child
can then discover that biting is a way of getting some power in
the
situation.
What you can do about biting because of feeling powerless
The first step is to try to make sure that the child's
needs are
protected so she doesn't need to bite. Make sure that she
is not
getting the worst of the deal.
If she is playing with older children explain to them how
the
younger one might be feeling. Get their help to make
things more
equal.
If biting happens between very young children more adult
help is
needed. Try to get in first and make sure that the needs
of the
less powerful child are taken care of.
Make separate play places for older and younger children
if
necessary.
If the child has already bitten, quickly tell her that she
is not to
bite and remove her from the situation. Keep her with you
for a
while before letting her return.
BITING UNDER STRESS
Biting often occurs when a child is under emotional stress that
she
cannot handle. This biting is an expression of distress and
pain and the
child may seem very upset or angry. Young children are not
easily able
to know what they are feeling. They just act!
What you can do about biting under stress
Try to find out what is causing the stress if you can.
Keep a
watch on when the biting happens and what is happening
just
before. For example one child always bit someone when a
new
child arrived at the play group and took the leader's
attention.
Another child started biting soon after his much loved
grandfather had died.
It isn't always possible to remove the cause of the
stress, but
sometimes if you can work out what is triggering the
biting, you
can get in first.
The child will need help to find other ways to express his
feelings
through play and stories.
When the child bites, remove him from the situation promptly
and
respond as above. Sometimes it helps to offer something else to
bite
on. Offer as much comfort as you can at other times.
REMINDERS
Plan ahead if possible to avoid situations where you know
your
child might bite.
Respond promptly, firmly and calmly to biting.
Show your disapproval, remove him from the situation and
help
him find another outlet for his feelings.
Don't bite back. This is terrifying for the child and
teaches the
very thing you don't want him to learn.
Give your child positive attention every day to build up
his self
esteem.
Written in partnership with the Office for Families and
Children
Other locations include:
http://family.disney.com/Categories/Parenting/Features/family_1997_06/dony/dony67lebiting/dony67lebiting.html
http://family.disney.com/Categories/Parenting/Features/family_0307_04/dony/dony127babite/dony127babite2.html
http://www.pathfinder.com/@@foub4gUAZMeBtGnP/ParentTime/Ask/searsbite.html
http://www.hhcn.com/family/0730.html
http://www.parenthoodweb.com/parent_cfmfiles/pros.cfm/512
LGH409 wrote:
>
> My 18 month-old daughter doesn't seem to understand that she shouldn't bite
Clint and Erin Gibson
CHEY...@webtv.net
I have an 18 month old daughter. She started biting about a month ago,
but stopped. Hopefully she won't start again. I just did what everyone
is suggesting, tell her no in a firm voice. I cannot believe how
ignorant you are being Elaine, can you not count? Do you really think 18
months equals one year? I think you do have an insecurity problem. The
original poster did not even suggest that daycare was the 'cause' of the
biting. BTW, I'm a SAH mom...children just go through stages and this is
one of them.
LeeL...@my-dejanews.com
You don't have to wonder what he's like, I can't imagine anyone as
judgemental and opinionated as Elaine, so you have to pity him no matter
what! What I wonder about is, if Elaine EVER ACTUALLY HAS CHILDREN, will her
head explode? I think her wiring will achieve melt-down when faced with
reality! I lurk on this news group to get "info" but I seem to subconciously
seek out threads that Elaine is involved in for the entertainment factor! Oh
well!!!!!
> Here's an amazing fact: Elaine is married. I gotta wonder what *he's*
> like.....
>
> Mike
>
> --
> From Seattle, WA - Seahawks, cinema, science
> and more at http://kohary.simplenet.com
> ---------------------------------------
> Seahawks: http://kohary.simplenet.com/hawks.htm
> Cinema: http://kohary.simplenet.com/movies.htm
> Science: http://kohary.simplenet.com/science.htm
>
Elaine Gallegos
<6mlmn8$8ds$1...@haus.efn.org> <358E8A...@NH.Ultranet.com>:
Distribution:
Ok, so WHAT was your recommendation to the baby's mother?
Teri G. (te...@NH.Ultranet.com) wrote:
: Elaine Gallegos wrote:
: > The name of this newsgroup is parenting SOLUTIONS. Excuse me, but what
: > was YOUR solution to the issue of the baby biting at daycare?
: I think that quite a few people have offered solutions. Mike explained
: (quite well) the reason(s) that your "solution" was *not* a solution -
: almost all children at this age bite, whether or not they attend day
: care.
: > Many have not liked my recommended solution to this problem. They have
Lpshafer
Elaine Gallegos wrote:
>Distribution:
>
> Ok, so WHAT was your recommendation to the baby's mother?
>
Elaine:
Regardless whether the baby is in daycare or home with a parent, this a
developmental phase that all children go through. It is partly related to
teething and partly an attempt of a nonverbal child to express anger and
frustration.
The cure is saying "NO" firmly over and over again until the child outgrows
the behavior.
People who spend time which small children know this.
Ivy Shafer, mom to Martha (8/7/92) and Molly (2/21/97)
Hamilton
In article <199806260705...@ladder03.news.aol.com>,
lpsh...@aol.com (Lpshafer) wrote:
The 'cure' for misbehavior in toddlers is NEVER just words -- it is
'NO' accompanied by physical restraint, isolation, or other clear
physical message. The reason we see so many socially retarded children
today is because too many parents believe you can manage toddlers with
words.
Probably what you meant i.e. 'No' plus action -- but just wanted to
reinforce it. Older kids can often be disciplined with words -- but
only if as toddlers they have been disciplined with firm consistent
action.
Lpshafer
Thanks for clarifying my position. You really have to remove the child from
the situation so that s/he gets the message.
Thank again,
HappyLady
I read once in Parents Magazine that if a child bites to immediately put
a drop of vinegar on his or her tongue. The taste is so vile that the
biting episode will only occur once more, if at all. I never had to try
it, though, because my kids have not bitten anyone yet!
janelaw
I didn't find this to be true. Usually, if I made eye contact
with my daughter and spoke firmly, she got the message. Not
that this necessarily solved the problem the first time. Why do
you say there must be a physical component?
Hamilton
In article <6n4nu0$3...@bgtnsc01.worldnet.att.net>, janelaw
<jan...@excite.com> wrote:
If a stern 'no' stops the behavior, great!! But most toddlers don't
'obey' with words only. They have to learn what 'no' means -- and
that generally has to be taught by physical direction e.g. grabbing
the hitting hands and restraining them, physically directing them
away from the wall plug or whatever. I certainly don't think hitting
is necessary -- although an occasional swat is probably not the end
of the world in training a toddler. Words and action without the
swat are usually quite sufficient.
One of these days your child will test to see if your eye contact
and stern 'no' really means anything -- that is where the need to
act comes in -- the first time you sit there jawing and allow the
child to continue will be a great epiphany for the child. Most
parents do this because we get tired -- but the effort to act
rather than talk is worth it in the long run.
If words have the desired effect -- fine -- but families that don't
follow through with toddlers with action if they don't, end up with
those 7 year olds we see everywhere who hit mom, or talk back, or
simply ignore directions while Mom whines 'now Carl let's use our
words' and 'if you do that one more time then . . [I'll whine at you
one more time].'
ganoosh
within reason