3-month-old's bedtime
Paul & Laura
Our 3 month old baby has started crying loudly when we lay him in his crib
even if he has been asleep. He is fine when we pick him up so it's not
discomfort. Any suggestions? (Please don't tell me to sleep with him
because there isn't enough room in our bed for the 3 of us.) We'd like him
to learn to go to sleep on his own. How long should we let him cry?
Laura
Chase510
I know this probably isn't the answer you are looking for, but your baby is too
young to be forced to fall asleep on his own. I am an advocate of the Ferber
method (we used with our son), but even Ferber himself recognizes that the age
for this is 6 mo at the earliest. We waited until our son was 8 months old,
and he adjusted to it very well. Now he goes to sleep on his own both at
night and for naps.
At 3 mo., your baby has not yet learned to cry in order to manipulate you (a
skill I am sure he will master later!). At this age, your baby's cries all
mean something. Perhaps your baby only needs to be held (is not hungry, wet,
etc.), but closeness and bonding with you is still a need. Your baby is still
learning to trust that you will respond to him. Instead of developing
independence, babies left to cry at such a young age often become extremely
clingy and tend to cry more, rather than less.
It is good to teach your child to fall asleep on his own, but not yet. Right
now, listen to that tugging in your heart that tells you to pick him up - he
needs you!
Darcie
DJudge6453
>Right
>now, listen to that tugging in your heart that tells you to pick him up - he
>needs you!
>
>Darcie
I ditto the poster, since you did ask for advice. Babies cannot get too much
of us...this is the period where we teach them that they can count on us for
what they need. If they don't get it now...well, you can figure out the rest.
I kept a bassinette next to my bed and she was arms reach away...if you don't
have a bassinette, even a stroller will work. I can promise you one
thing...this will pass and you will forget it was ever a problem. You might
even long for the days that you could cuddle you sweet little. Good luck...I
do understand that it is hard...I have raised two little ones. One is going to
be 20 next week and I am incredibly grateful for the times that I was able to
comfort him, late at night.
Debra
HyperMommy
I'm a big supporter of a given bedtime for kids, even young kids, as the
parents need their personal time too and the kids need their sleep. And I did
let my kids cry it out and learn to go to sleep on their own. But not at 3
months. That baby is too young to learn to go to sleep on his own and he needs
holding. I remember many nights sleeping on the couch with one of my sons on
my chest. And what's more, I miss those days immensely.
Go with your heart and hold your child. The day really will come fast enough
when he won't want it anymore (even though some of the nights may seem
interminable these days).
Paul & Laura wrote:
> Our 3 month old baby has started crying loudly when we lay him in his crib
> even if he has been asleep. He is fine when we pick him up so it's not
> discomfort. Any suggestions? (Please don't tell me to sleep with him
> because there isn't enough room in our bed for the 3 of us.) We'd like him
> to learn to go to sleep on his own. How long should we let him cry?
> Laura
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Captain Denise Duggan (HyperMommy to Jimmy (10/93) & Joey (9/95))
USS Khai Tam, Tallahassee, Florida
Chief Medical Officer and Extraneous Brass
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wels...@aol.com
In article <199804120542...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
chas...@aol.com (Chase510) wrote:
>
> >
> >Our 3 month old baby has started crying loudly when we lay him in his crib
> >even if he has been asleep. He is fine when we pick him up so it's not
> >discomfort. Any suggestions? (Please don't tell me to sleep with him
> >because there isn't enough room in our bed for the 3 of us.) We'd like him
> >to learn to go to sleep on his own. How long should we let him cry?
> >Laura
> >
> >
> >
>
too
> young to be forced to fall asleep on his own. I am an advocate of the
Ferber
> method (we used with our son), but even Ferber himself recognizes that the
age
> for this is 6 mo at the earliest. We waited until our son was 8 months old,
> and he adjusted to it very well. Now he goes to sleep on his own both at
> night and for naps.
>
> At 3 mo., your baby has not yet learned to cry in order to manipulate you (a
> skill I am sure he will master later!). At this age, your baby's cries all
> mean something. Perhaps your baby only needs to be held (is not hungry,
wet,
> etc.), but closeness and bonding with you is still a need. Your baby is
still
> learning to trust that you will respond to him. Instead of developing
> independence, babies left to cry at such a young age often become extremely
> clingy and tend to cry more, rather than less.
>
> now, listen to that tugging in your heart that tells you to pick him up - he
> needs you!
>
> Darcie
>
I agree with Darcie, both my children were nursed to sleep each night and at
around 6/7 moths this no longer worked for them and in their own way they were
telling me they wanted to go to sleep on their own in the comfort of their
cot. Leave it until your baby tells you he is ready. I did worry that nursing
them was making a difficult situation for me but they are both very good
children and have a set bedtime routine which they found themselves.
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Brenda Smeby
On Sun, 12 Apr 1998 07:55:06 -0400, HyperMommy <dug...@nettally.com>
wrote:
>I'm a big supporter of a given bedtime for kids, even young kids, as the
>parents need their personal time too and the kids need their sleep. And I did
>let my kids cry it out and learn to go to sleep on their own. But not at 3
>months. That baby is too young to learn to go to sleep on his own and he needs
>holding. I remember many nights sleeping on the couch with one of my sons on
>my chest. And what's more, I miss those days immensely.
>
I still sleep on the couch with my 1 yr old, for her nap. It's a
special time for us that I wouldn't trade for anything. The 3 yr old
gets his cuddle session first thing in the morning..that's how he
wakes me up. :*)
And good news! Kelly (the 1 yr old) has slept through the night
without waking up for a bottle for the last 5 nights in a Row!
Hallaleuya!
Unfortunately, it took putting cereal in her last bottle at 8pm. :*(
But I know I can wean her off this soon. Its just sooo nice to get a
full nights sleep after all this time. :*)
Remove "nospam" to reply via email
If Life was a Highway, I'd be in a ditch
Bright Blessings
Brenda Smeby
ICQ#4128184
Susan Cohen
wels...@aol.com wrote:
> In article <199804120542...@ladder01.news.aol.com>,
> chas...@aol.com (Chase510) wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >Our 3 month old baby has started crying loudly when we lay him in his crib
> > >even if he has been asleep. He is fine when we pick him up so it's not
> > >discomfort. Any suggestions? (Please don't tell me to sleep with him
> > >because there isn't enough room in our bed for the 3 of us.) We'd like him
> > >to learn to go to sleep on his own. How long should we let him cry?
> > >Laura
> > >
> >
> > I know this probably isn't the answer you are looking for, but your baby is
> too
> > young to be forced to fall asleep on his own. I am an advocate of the
> Ferber
> > method (we used with our son), but even Ferber himself recognizes that the
> age
> > for this is 6 mo at the earliest. We waited until our son was 8 months old,
> > and he adjusted to it very well. Now he goes to sleep on his own both at
> > night and for naps.
> >
>
> I agree with Darcie, both my children were nursed to sleep each night and at
> around 6/7 moths this no longer worked for them and in their own way they were
> telling me they wanted to go to sleep on their own in the comfort of their
> cot. Leave it until your baby tells you he is ready. I did worry that nursing
> them was making a difficult situation for me but they are both very good
> children and have a set bedtime routine which they found themselves.
Okay, so what do you do with a 15 month old who still doesn't sleep regularly
though the night?
*Just this week* we have put her to bed without nursing - well, last night she
took a few draws before pulling her head away & settling on my breast to sleep
(too sweet - one of my faves!). And, last night, she *did* sleep all the way
through the night. But usually, she wakes at around 2 am & begins to scream. If it
sounds unusual, I'll go get her & bring her into bed with my husband & me, but
usually it sounds like she's just angry & we grit our teeth & stick it out. I know
the general rule of thumb is twenty minutes, but this really hurts me. Am I being
soft when I give into her? I want her to be able to sleep, & sleep through the
night, if not for her present health, then for the future - I've been told that
sleep is a skill, & I want her to have it.
(Sorry for rambling, & for changing the subject. We're worried that she hasn't
seemed to outgrow needing me to sleep, & that she doesn't routinely sleep through
the night. If it helps anyone trying to help us, she does fit the classic mold of
the "high needs" baby)
Susan
janelaw
Please don't make your baby cry. He is crying because he needs
you, not because he wants to stay up for the Simpsons. If he
needs you to hold him at bed time, hold him.
I know this is a lot easier for me to say, as my child is now 10
and goes to bed promptly at 8:00. When MY baby was three months
old, I was ready to tear my hair out. I moved her out of the
bassinette beside the bed into the crib. I never once put her
into her crib without her startling, waking up, and starting to
cry. I am not kidding, I never once got it right. I could coo
to her and rub her back for hours, but she just had to be picked
up. When I picked her up she quieted and went back to sleep,
but she woke up as soon as I tried to put her in that crib
again.
Eventually, I just let her sleep in our bed. I understand that
you don't want to do this. Since my baby inevitably slept
sideways kicking me and her father in all our most sensitive
places, I can see your point. We got a king size bed.
When she was a little older, I put a movie on for her in her
room. She fell asleep watching the Wizard of Oz every night for
three years. I know people will yell at me for this, and at the
time I wondered if I weren't doing my child a disservice. I
used to worry that she wouldn't be able to go to sleep by
herself. I was afraid that she would have nightmares about
flying monkies. The only side effect I have ever seen is her
penchant for red shoes.
Anyway, my point is that everything worked out fine despite all
my self-torture. My daughter falls asleep every night reading a
book. She sleeps like a log. She never complains about going
to bed. It's all a total non-issue. I think it is because she
always felt secure falling asleep at night, first with us, then
with the cowardly lion.
Kristen Lohkamp
I agree with all of the responses you have gotten. A 3 month old should
never have to cry themselves to sleep. Unfortuantely, no-one really gave you
any good suggestions about what to do to get your baby to sleep. I mean
let's be real here. You can't hold your baby 24 hours a day, right?
This is what we did & it worked great. Of course we made sure that our
daughter, Sydney was dry, fed, comfortable, warm. etc. once we eliminated
all of those posibilities and she was still crying we would put her in her
crib, on her tummy & pat her on the back till she fell asleep. She loved it.
She would sometimes need to be "bounced". What I mean is patting her butt
hard enough that she bounced up & down on her mattress (please don't think
we hit her or abused her. It was more of a push than a pat & she LOVED it.
She would go right to sleep.) Then if she awoke in the middle of the night,
I went in with the light off, didn't speak a word to her, just pat her on
the back till she went back to sleep. This worked great for us. She knew we
were there for her & that we would stay till she was asleep & she knew she
could count on us for comforting if she woke up in the middle of the night
as well.
You know your baby the best, however, & you know if this solution is even a
posibility for you. If you think it is, give it a try.
Good Luck!
Kristen
A. Gray
you might try patting the babies back...this way he gets contact but doesnt
wake up every time you are not holding him....he still get's
attention...but learns to fall asleep in his bed...this worked for me...but
every baby is different...
amie