My first sexual experience was in an outhouse with my mother..... uh,
no, make that my dad.  It will sound better to my homosexual friends
and prove to them I'm not a homophobe.

My first sexual experience was in an outhouse with my father.  His
penis was big and purple, I performed oral sex on him and he
ejaculated an enormous quantity of semen into my mouth and onto my
face.  It tasted salty, so I scooped it all up with a spoon and ate as
much as I could find.  Then I tongue fucked dad's asshole for an hour
until he was hard again and could nail me in my keester.  I didn't
walk right for a week, but I was glad we did it.

Dad took my virginity and we became lovers, grabbing every opportunity
to engage in hot, unadulterated sexual congress.  To this day, mom
never knew, but dad said I was a much better fuck than she ever was.