OT Families of Military Suicides Seek White House Condolences
Matthew Kruk
Families of Military Suicides Seek White House Condolences
By JAMES DAO
Since at least the time of Abraham Lincoln, presidents have sent letters
of condolence to the families of service members killed in action,
whether the deaths came by hostile fire or in an accident.
So after Gregg Keesling's son killed himself in Iraq in June, he
expected his family would receive a letter from President Obama. What
they got instead was a call from an Army official telling them that they
were not eligible because their son had committed suicide.
"We were shocked," said Mr. Keesling, 52, of Indianapolis.
Under an unwritten policy that has existed at least since the Clinton
administration, presidents have not sent letters to survivors of troops
who took their own lives, even if it was at the war front, officials
say. The roots of that policy, which has been passed from administration
to administration via White House protocol officers, are murky and
probably based in the view that suicide is not an honorable way to die,
administration and military officials say.
But at a time when the Pentagon is trying to destigmatize mental health
care in hopes of stemming a near epidemic of suicide among service
members, the question of whether the survivors of military suicides
deserve presidential recognition has taken on new significance.
"These families already feel such shame and so alienated from the
military and the country, a letter from the president might give them
some comfort, some sense that people recognize their sacrifice," said
Kim Ruocco, director for suicide support for Tragedy Assistance Program
for Survivors, or TAPS, a military support group. "What better way to
eliminate stigma?"
As suicide has crept out of the shadows and become a front-burner
problem for the military, TAPS, members of Congress and individuals like
Mr. Keesling have begun raising the thorny issue of equal honors for
survivors of military suicides. Tommy Vietor, a White House spokesman,
said the administration had begun a review of the policy on letters of
condolence.
"The president's thoughts and prayers are with every military family who
has lost a loved one in service to our country," Mr. Vietor said.
Presidential letters of condolence go to troops who died in action in a
war theater. Though most suicides take place on posts in the United
States, a significant number occur in Iraq and Afghanistan: more than
184 since 2001, statistics reviewed by The New York Times show.
Through October, the Army, which far and away leads the armed forces in
suicides, reported 133 among active-duty soldiers, putting it on pace to
surpass last year's record, 140. The United States Marine Corps, which
has the second largest number, is also likely to have more suicides than
last year, 42.
The spike in suicides has prompted an array of actions at the Pentagon.
The Army is collaborating with the National Institute of Mental Health
to study mental health and suicide. It has created a suicide prevention
task force led by a brigadier general. It has instituted suicide
prevention programs at most posts and is requiring many noncommissioned
officers to take "resiliency" training to help soldiers cope with the
stress of war and deployment.
But as much as anything, the Army is trying to soften the longstanding
sense that psychological problems are a sign of frailty. "We have to
reduce the stigma surrounding seeking mental health help," Gen. Peter
Chiarelli, the Army vice chief of staff, said earlier this year.
"Getting help for emotional problems should be as natural as seeking
help for a sprained ankle."
President Obama has also spoken forcefully about the pain of suicide in
the military. During the 2008 campaign, he said: "We know that incidence
of psychological injury increase with each additional tour of duty in
Iraq, and that our troops are not getting the support they need. Too
many are falling through the cracks because they need help but feel they
can't get it."
Advocates for suicide survivors say the military has come a long way in
equalizing the way it deals with suicides. Death benefits are now
largely the same for families, regardless of how a service member died.
And suicides are eligible for an array of military honors, like burial
in a national cemetery or color guards at funerals.
But a suspicion remains among survivors that there are differences. Ms.
Ruocco, whose husband, a Marine, killed himself after returning from
Iraq several years ago, said several members of TAPS have said they did
not receive the folded flags from the military after family members
committed suicide. She said it was possible they were not eligible, but
the Pentagon has not been able to clarify its rules for suicide cases.
She also said the gold stars that parents of military suicides received
were slightly different from the gold stars given to parents of troops
killed in action. It is a small difference, she said, but one that
further separates suicide survivors from other military families. The
stress of war and deployment is often a cause of suicide, she argued,
making it no different than a fatal wound from a roadside bomb.
But opponents of presidential letters of condolence argue that treating
suicide the same as other war deaths might encourage mentally frail
soldiers to take their lives by making the act seem honorable.
After Gregg Keesling's son, Chancellor, shot himself in a latrine on
June 19, the family received a folded flag, a letter from the Army
praising their son, a 21-gun salute at his burial and financial death
benefits.
But he views the letter of condolence as an important step toward
reducing the shame and guilt many survivors feel. Hours before his son,
a 25-year-old specialist, killed himself, his son had argued with his
girlfriend over the phone and then sent a rambling, despondent e-mail
message home.
"I can't explain how ashamed i am i said some things out of anger," he
wrote. "I can't cope without each and every one of you there by me the
whole way. I feel alone and unappreciated for some odd reason this
deployment is ending up to be like the last i thought about killing
myself and went to the porti john and chambered a round into my m4 but
decided not to pull the trigger. I realize i need help and i need to
have family put first. Please forgive me and except my apology."
About 17 hours later, he was dead.
"My last words to my son were, 'Be a man and get through it,' " Mr.
Keesling said. "I was the stupid dad. If my son had said, 'Dad I've
broken my leg, I can't go on,' I would have understood. But I didn't
understand the mental health side."
Andrew W. Lehren contributed reporting.
Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company