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Pax Neo-TeX: The Protocol for Survival, Prosperity, and Romance
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Subject: Pax Neo-TeX: The Protocol for Survival, Prosperity, and Romance
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Pax Neo-T[E]X
The Protocol for Survival, Prosperity, and Romance
+----------------------------------------------------+
| Latest News: The Plain Truth about Barbie Diamond! |
+----------------------------------------------------+
Act 1
Clean-Sweep Wedgies
+------------------------------------------+
|Do you worry about an increasingly |
|irrational world darkening your future? |
|Populations of this world live not in a |
|sane civilization, as if you do not |
|already know that. With Pax Neo-TeX, you |
|get told the same thing after you fork out|
|some cash. |
| |
|Neo-TeX above all -- Neo-TeX u:ber alles! |
|As Cicero said, "quidquid latine dictum |
|sit, altum sonatur" (whatever is said in |
|Latin sounds profound). The same is true |
|for any Western language other than |
|English, with the exception of Turkish. |
| |
|Pax Neo-TeX forever changes how one thinks|
|and acts. Even if it does not, it will! |
|Its secondary goal is to tear down |
|ideological barriers among scientists, |
|cranks, and neurotics, to harness their |
|power for giving wedgies. |
+------------------------------------------+
Prelude
Woven as a matrix of rose-laden thorns, Pax Neo-TeX pierces
the biases, opinions, and faiths of most readers. Realize
that biases, opinions, and faiths are not knowledge; we
are. You may doubt that we are the Truth, but since we say
we are the Truth, and the Truth does not lie, therefore
clearly, we are the Truth. If you still doubt we are the
Truth, prepare to be barraged with heaps and heaps and
heaps of drooling verbiage on how great we are, and how we
will take over the world, goo goo goo joob!
Prelude to the Overture
Pax Romana ruled 2000 years ago. Pax Neo-TeX will rule
tomorrow. So what does the word Pax mean? Lewis' An
Elementary Latin Dictionary has this to say:
pax pacis, f [PAC-], a compact, agreement, treaty,
peace, treaty of peace, reconciliation: cum eis facta
pax non erit pax: maritima: pro empt? pace bellum
intulerunt: pacem petere, Cs.: pangere, L.: Nulla dies
pacem hanc rumpet, V.: iura, bella atque paces penes
paucos erant, S. -- Person: the goddess of peace,
Peace, H., O., N. -- Concord, tranquillity, peace,
harmony: videndum est cum omnibusne pax esse possit,
an, etc.: suscipienda bella, ut in pace vivatur: bello
ac pace, both in war and in peace, L.: in pace, H.: in
medi? pace, L.: paces bonae, i.e. the blessings of
peace, H. -- Of the gods, grace, favor, pardon,
assistance: ab Iove Opt. Max. pacem ac veniam peto:
pacis de?m exposcendae caus?, L.: exorat pacem divom,
V. -- Abl. with a possess. pron. or gen, by the good
leave, by permission, with all respect to: pace quod
fiat tu?, without offence to you, T.: pace horum
dixerim: hoc pace dicam tu?: Claudi pace loquar, L. --
As an exclamation, peace! silence! enough!: capillus
passus prolixe... pax! T. -- Dominion, empire: pacem
nostram metuere, Ta. -- Fig., of the mind, peace,
tranquillity: pax animi, sleep, O.: mentis, O.:
temperanti? pacem animis adfert. -- Of things, peace,
rest, quiet: flumen cum pace delabens, H.: pacem voltus
habet, is tranquil, O.
Clearly, the so-called Latin "scholars" are aiming to make
our lives difficult with such long word definitions, so we
will just give our own definition instead:
pax, a wedgie.
And what does the term Neo-TeX mean? The Free On-line
Dictionary of Computing defines the word TeX:
TeX <publication> /tekh/ An extremely powerful
macro-based text formatter written by Donald Knuth,
very popular in academia, especially in the
computer-science community (it is good enough to have
displaced Unix troff, the other favoured formatter,
even at many Unix installations). [...]
But this is very uncool, so we will once more give our own
definition:
Neo-TeX, something very great and wonderful.
So, what the sentence above means is this: "The Roman
Wedgie ruled 2000 years ago. The Great Wonderful Wedgie
will rule tomorrow."
Overture
Neo-TeX is not a philosophy or an ideology. It is a
flexible tool: how this tool works, whether it produces any
physical results, nobody knows... but that is not
important! Neo-TeX is beyond physics, beyond empiricism: it
is a whole new way of thinking! Wait, a way of thinking is
a philosophy, and we just said that Neo-TeX is not a
philosophy. Gah, who cares.
Losers flee Neo-TeX. They wait for God while they read
Waiting for Godot. Winners absorb Neo-TeX. Leonardo da
Vinci was a closet Neo-TeXer. How can it be otherwise?
Conformists flee Neo-TeX. Nonconformists embrace Neo-TeX.
Nonconformists, by embracing Neo-TeX, become conformists of
Neo-TeX, but they are still nonconformists. Yes, it is
profound.
Pax Neo-TeX begets Pax ULAW, which in turn delivers
open-ended justice as demonstrated in some part of this
rant which I am sure you have not read yet. It produces
non-aging life, prosperity and romance -- for me, that is.
:-B :-B :-B Are you ready?
To paraphrase Ayn Rand: "rape is good" -- starting next, in
Scene 1.
+------------------------------------------+
|Read from Start to Finish: Pax Neo-TeX |
|gathers established facts from the past, |
|sprinkles some "The Establishment Is Bad" |
|powder, and then shoves everything up your|
|orifice. Each re-reading yields additional|
|wedgies that deliver ever-more advantages |
|and riches to me. |
+------------------------------------------+
Scene 1
Are You Ready?
In the nineteenth century, Lord Acton identified how
individualistic ideas most vehemently opposed by the
Establishment became the enduring ideas of the future. For
example, Mesmer's crackpot idea of "animal magnetism"...
oops, that is a counter-example. But as the saying goes:
A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire
Politics, religion and philosophy arise from truths
manipulated into illusions. Recall I said that Neo-TeX is
not a philosophy, even if it is a philosophy... damn, why
not just agree that Neo-TeX is great? Politicians are evil:
they enact laws against wholesome activities like rape,
murder, looting, and so on. Oh, wait, that is government,
not politics. What is the difference between government and
politics? Hmm, let me see what bogus distinctions I can
come up with.
Who will win Earth's final war? Bacteria, of course. But
this answer will not allow me to conjure up some
metaphorical struggle of Good vs. Evil.
[Enter A Neo-TeX Author]
During a publishing meeting, a Neo-TeX author stipulated
something. Whenever Neo-TeX stipulates anything, it
requires no proof, as Neo-TeX is Truth. Anyway, politics,
religion and philosophy yield "anticivilizations" -- do you
like my inane coinage? -- and the way to overcome them is
to abandon today's object-oriented thinking, and embrace
wedgie-oriented thinking. The most profitable form of
wedgie-oriented thinking today is wedgie-control thinking:
Scene 3 shows that controlling a wedgie is better than
being controlled by a wedgie, but you do not need Scene 3
to know that.
Today, with wedgie-control thinking, one can undermine
neocheaters, by giving them wedgies.
Winning Earth's final war -- I mean, just before bacteria
take over -- requires wedgie control combined with
nonexistent Neo-TeX Bullets, which should be available in
2006, but when 2006 comes I will alter the date here. But
no need to wait for 2006; just memorize these definitions
and do not look up a dictionary:
* mysticism, the self-delusion that non-reality is
real -- um, more precisely, I mean the dishonesty
disease that creates problems where none exist.
Mystical beliefs are attempts to escape from an
anti-law "civilization". By "anti-law", I mean these
"civilizations" are putting themselves against the
Great Law of Neo-TeX. Really! The Great Law of Neo-TeX
is real! This problem is real! It is not mysticism!
Really!!!!!!!!!!!!
* neocheaters, people who manipulate mysticisms. I can
just use the word "liars", but that is uncool. The
Liberal Left are neocheaters. The Religious Right are
neocheaters. In fact, everyone is a neocheater, except
me.
* neocheating, obvious.
* neothinking, wedgie-oriented thinking.
* Taxation based on income is evil; taxation based on
consumption is good. If you are poor, you should study
less.
* Use "+" and "=" signs to make your claims look rigorous
and learned. E.g. Wedgie-control = Wedgie + Control.
* Neo-TeX is great, Neo-TeX is eternal, Neo-TeX is
wonderful.
"I have memorized these definitions; now what?" Now I will
try to impress you by naming several luminaries who concur
with Neo-TeX: Baruch Spinoza, America's founding fathers,
Vincent van Gogh, Jackson Pollock, Jacob Klatzkin, Hermann
Cohen...
[Exeunt]
Scene 2
Start Swiping!
Since childhood, the aesthetic love of my life was......
OK, OK, I will get straight to the point: it is wrong to
blame America's support of Israel for the acts of the 9/11
terrorists. Palestinian children deserve to be
discriminated against. The right thing to do now is to
seek out terrorists and give them wedgies.
Throughout history, beliefs in the religious Gods of Jews,
Christians, and Muslims yielded mass murders. Likewise,
beliefs in the secular Gods of mob democracy, socialism,
and fascism yielded mass murders. Belief in the God of
Neo-TeX is good, as Neo-TeX does not yet have much of a
history.
Clinton is guilty of ruining the economy in the long term
(whatever "long term" means) and numerous other unnamed
crimes. Then again, he did expand global trade, and that is
good, because Neo-TeX says it is good. Yet, despite the
positives and negatives of any individual -- wait, why did
I even bring up Clinton in the first place? -- we are
poised to self-destruct. So what does one do? The answer is
clear: support George Bush Jr. and his pack of lies! Oops.
Israel illegally occupies Palestinian lands; just now I
said that the US is right in supporting Israel. How
profound Neo-TeX is!
Scene 3
Now, Collect Your Wedgies
For 25 centuries -- not more, not less, because Neo-TeX
rules -- the world's value creators remained unable or
unwilling to win the Stereotypical War Against Evil. On
2001-09-11, a handful few realized that they were bored and
needed a great cause to fight for. On 2001-09-12, they
decided that they were too lazy, so they asked other people
to fight.
The Quran, the Torah, the Bible, the Vedas, the Upanishads,
the Buddhist scriptures, the ancient Egyptian texts -- they
are all evil. You need not know what these texts really
say: just know that they are evil.
[Enter The Keynote Speaker]
On 2001-11-18, the keynote speaker of the Neo-TeX world
summit appealed to people's emotions and not logic. He
talked at length about the Zom speculation: this
speculation is complete fluff, but it provided
life-enhancing prizes (to me). All praise Neo-TeX!
Why do Libertarians and Objectivists fail to build a
utopia? The simple answer is that their ideologies are
bogus in the first place, but if I say that I cannot rip
off their believers. Next, to address two seeming
contradictions in Neo-TeX:
1. Neo-TeX's support for Bush despite his lies. No, Bush
is good. Bush fights only evil people. Whenever Bush
fights a person, that person is axiomatically evil.
2. Neo-TeX's silence on the evil Ashcroft. Yes, Ashcroft
is evil, but we need him for now. Once he helps us
achieve our goal, we give him a wedgie.
[Franz Lose'r's Dumb-and-Ugly Waltz plays in the
background]
[Exit Franz Leha'r]
When does one know if he or she understands James Joyce's
hard-to-read, reality-versus-consciousness novel Ulysses?
When he embraces Neo-TeX. Ouch, that is too short. Do you
sense the daring grace of Dumb-and-Ugly Waltzes? If not,
you should wait for the nonexistent Neo-TeX Bullets. If you
do... you should also wait for the nonexistent Neo-TeX
Bullets. Really? I did say that you should not need the
Neo-TeX Bullets?
Aria 1
The Constipation of the Universe
Preamble
The purpose of unconscious life is to be constipated.
The function of government is to provide the conditions
that let individuals fulfill that purpose. The Constipation
of the Universe guarantees those conditions by forbidding
the use of initiatory force, fraud, or coercion by any
person or group against any individual.
Article 1
No person, group of persons, or government shall initiate
force against any individual's stomach, including their
own.
Article 2
Force is morally-and-legally justified only for protection
from those who violate Article 1.
Article 3
No exception shall exist for Articles 1 and 2. However,
exceptions shall exist for this Article... which means,
well, that there are exceptions to Articles 1 and 2 after
all. Wait, why did I even mention this?
Premises
Whatever benefits a living organism is beneficial to that
organism.
Whatever harms a living organism is harmful to that
organism.
Morals apply to conscious individuals. And rocks. And
trees.
Premises should be content-free. Articles should have the
freedom not to follow from Premises.
Aria 2
Definition of Natural Gas
Below is Cicero's definition of natural gas from his book,
De Finibus Bonorum et Malorum, published in 45 B. C. (add
the word quia just before dolor): "...lorem ipsum dolor sit
amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam
eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam
aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam..."
How exactly does this passage define natural gas? It does
not; but it certainly concurs with Neo-TeX.
Aria 3
2003 Neo-TeX World Summit: Chariots of Wedgies -- Keynote
Address
A new discovery is unfolding. In the Scientific
Establishment, you either discover something or you fail to
discover something, but hey, if I use this unambiguous
notion of "discovery", how can I weasel away when my claims
do not hold water? To profit from this new discovery, one
must go through a long and boring account of the history of
ideas, starting from the making of fire, etc. etc. etc. The
discovery is this: Neo-TeX is wonderful. Consider
Aristotle's syllogism:
* All men are mortal.
* Socrates is a man.
* Therefore, Socrates is mortal.
replaced with the new fact of a natural syllogism:
* Humans are warm-blooded.
* Warm blood is red.
* Therefore, humans are red.
In any case, why are we talking about Aristotle, when he
has been superseded by other logicians such as Boole,
Hilbert, Brouwer, and Gentzen? Because I wanted to
talk about Aristotle. And speaking of him...:
[transparency projected on large screen]
+------------------------------------------+
| An Open Letter to Aristotle |
| |
|Dear Aristotle, |
| |
|I know you are already dead, but I wanted |
|an excuse to write something pompous, so |
|here goes. |
| |
|Please stop telling people that "all men |
|are mortal". Give them the hope of |
|immortality, so that they may pass all |
|their money to me for immortality |
|research. Then I can ostensibly use the |
|money to create the ultimate elixir, while|
|I actually use it to buy another car. |
| |
|[S:Yours sincerely:S] Polite greetings are|
|for neocheaters. w3 dun n33d n0 p0l1t |
|gr33t1ngz! Advertisements r00l!!!!!! |
+------------------------------------------+
Ugh, wrong transparency. Where was I? Oh yes, the 4
clean-sweep actions designed to obsolete anticivilization:
1. Switch from object-oriented thinking to wedgie-oriented
thinking.
2. Recast Neo-TeX literature into paper aeroplanes which
you can throw at neocheaters to give them wedgies.
3. Demonstrate the quantum nature of wedgies.
4. Seek out evidences, even proof, of conscious control of
the cosmos. I have not decided what this is useful for,
but it looks grand.
At this point, I want to hail someone I believe to be the
most genuinely happy spirit in today's anticivilization --
me!
So, why is this the last summit? Time is the answer. You
see, organizing these summits mean that I have less time to
snooze.
Aria 4
Liberating Our Quantum Wedgies
Notes for future research:
1. It looks more scientific if you write in point form.
2. Current computers will take 154,000 years to factor a
300-digit number. Wait a minute, this is a note for the
future, and by the time the future comes, this
information will be obsolete. But hey, decimal digits
look nice, right?
3. A quantum computer will take less than a second, but by
the time you actually build a quantum computer, you
will already know that.
4. The human brain is a huge quantum computer. Actually,
the brain does not yet know how to factor a 300-digit
product of 2 large primes, but with Neo-TeX, nothing is
impossible! So what is the actual method to
turn the brain into a fast factoring algorithm? You,
the poor researcher, will have to figure it out the
hard way... while I, the lazy bum, gets the credit for
this vacuous idea.
Coda 1
Golden Wedgies
The following 20 Golden Wedgies add fully-wedged wedgies to
Pax Neo-TeX:
1. The Evolution of Thinking.
All human beings have the natural desire to
know. -- Aristotle
Humans are red. -- me
2. Support Bush. No, those are not lies! They are profound
truths!
3. Fundamentalist Islam, Judaism, or Christianity is evil.
You knew that? Well, we know it better.
4. Neo-TeX nullifies Ludwig Wittgenstein's philosophy
about words causing philosophical errors. With the
great power of Neo-TeX, the word "pen" in the sentences
The box is in the pen.
and
The pen is in the box.
can now be exactly the same.
5. Again, support Bush; also note that Clinton is guilty
of unnamed long-term crimes.
6. Use the word "liberty" in every sentence you speak or
write except when Neo-TeX (= me) grants an exception.
And, Politics is not government. How are they
different? Yes, they are different.
7. Truth = Honesty = Neo-TeX. Remember, Neo-TeX is not a
philosophy, even if it is!
8. If you combine classical music with drugs, you can
write tons of such drool.
9. The Constipation of the Universe is of utmost
importance.
10. Once more: support Bush.
11. Yet again: you must support Bush! Support support
support! Global warming is good, because it makes
people feel really hot and tired. By the way, the heat
wave in France sure killed off lots of neocheaters!
12. The Scientific Establishment is evil. Whenever Neo-TeX
and the Scientific Establishment disagree, Neo-TeX is
always right.
13. Support wedgie-oriented thinking.
14. Neo-TeX is pro-choice, pro-abortion. Are you glad? You
should embrace Neo-TeX now for this sole reason!
15. Neo-TeX is against the phrase "under God" in the US
Pledge of Allegiance. Again, you should embrace Neo-TeX
immediately!
16. Just support Bush!!!!!!
17. In 1972, the Neo-TeX scientist decoded the metaphorical
Golden Plates of Aristotle and others. Why do I not
just say the "works of Aristotle"? Because "Golden
Plates" sounds grander.
18. Neo-TeX is good, because the Religious Right are evil,
and the Religious Right like to attack Neo-TeX. Embrace
Neo-TeX now!
19. Wait for the moment of wedgie, then strike.
20. Neo-TeX is Great, How Profound Neo-TeX Is, All Praise
Neo-TeX, etc. etc. etc.
Coda 2
Pax ULAW: The Road to Wedgies
Will you be beheaded? Will your children be blown to bits?
Well, if you embrace Neo-TeX, you will not be beheaded, you
will just be scammed. Join now!
Anyway, what are the parallels and remedies between
1. international macro-terrorists beheading innocent
people and blowing up schoolchildren, and
2. local micro-terrorists destroying the lives of
innocent people and ruining the lives of
schoolchildren?
Pax ULAW answers this question. "But first, what exactly do
you mean by `terrorists' and `micro-terrorists'?" I hear
you ask. No, forget that dictionary:
terrorist, anyone who beheads innocent people and blows
up schoolchildren.
If a person blows up people other than schoolchildren, is
he a terrorist? Of course! "But that is not part of your
definition!" you scream. No, it is obviously part of the
definition! Pay close attention!
What is Pax ULAW? As aforementioned:
pax, a wedgie.
As for ULAW, some people say it is a music file format...
but who cares:
ULAW, Universal Laws on Art and Wedgies.
Pax ULAW starts with a Universal Constipation and ends
with... whatever. The Premises of the Universal
Constipation are -- hmm, why are the premises different
this time? -- anyway, they are as follows:
1. Enforced codified laws are useful.
2. Unenforced codified laws are useless.
"So how does Neo-TeX enforce the Universal Constipation?"
That is easy: just write lots and lots of open letters
telling governments to fight macro- and micro-terrorism!
"How do you know if it will work?" Of course it will!...
Ugh, just embrace Neo-TeX!
Coda 3
Escape Crash Hell; Enter Wedgie Heaven
Al's Allegro
Socrates slept. Jesus bathed. Al snored. He dreamt about
his climb from a two-bit criminal to a dot.com mogul.
Suddenly, in March 2000, he crashed into utter bankruptcy
and friendlessness -- crash hell. Then, nine months later,
Al soared into untold wedgies and romance -- wedgie heaven.
Here is his story:
You know me. You have seen me interviewed on TV in 1999
during the climax of Captain Bill's great tech bubble.
Actually you do not know me, but of course if I just say
"you know me", you will blindly accept it, right? Take it
easy, it is just an allegory!
In March 2000, without warning, my company crashed into
oblivion. How did it happen so quickly? You see, in 1998
I... "Come on, stop mentioning 1998, start talking about
2000 already!!!!!!" ...in 1998 I... *dodges lots of rotten
eggs* ...OK, OK, I guess I cannot distract your
attention... Well, I am not sure myself why it crashed. I
remember saying, shortly before the crash, "You don't need
no stinkin' honesty!" Ah, I know! These words must have
emitted morphogenetic rays that caused my company to crash!
Two months later, while rummaging my trash, I saw a
glittering package 20 yards down the alley. As if
hypnotized, I walked to the package -- and opened it. The
contents caught my eye: it was a pile of dog poo.
Outwardly, it looked like dog poo, but my eyes perceived it
differently. Beneath the poo, there was a coded message, in
an other-worldly language. I found that I was not looking
at the dog poo in a normal, object-oriented manner, but in
a wedgie-oriented manner. I began plucking golden wedgies
from each and every scoop. For the first time, I felt
genuine power -- incredible, omnipotent power.
Today, 18 months later -- no, I mean 9 months later -- no,
7 months later -- I cannot believe what happened to me.
Under my new-mind aura, the dog poo transformed into a
woman whose looks can surpass those of Miss Universe. We
became interlocked in rapturous romance. I soon became a
millionaire again... then I woke up from my dream.
-- Al
-----------------------------------------------------------
Act 2
Late Notes
What? We just finished Act 1, and it is already late?
Scene 1
Danger: Neo-TeX Specifics, Neo-TeX Warrior Cult, etc.
Beware of scams which collect exorbitant amounts of money
in the name of Neo-TeX. Remember, only Neo-TeX can collect
exorbitant amounts of money in the name of Neo-TeX! And if
anything goes wrong, it is never Neo-TeX's fault!
Scene 2
Let Kerry Win in 2004?
Support Kerry! Oh yes, I did stress repeatedly that you
should support Bush. Such is the mystery of the great
Neo-TeX!
Scene 3
The Future
Neo-TeX is not about building a utopia. It is about freeing
the individual. To achieve that, we need a common
understanding among all on planet Earth, which means
building a utopia... no, it is different!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Act 3
Latest News
Late, later, and latest!
Leitmotiv 1
Neo-TeX offers unlimited-time money back guarantee!
Many so-called "life improvement" programmes offer a 90-day
money back guarantee, in case you do not like their
literature. But why settle for 90 days, when you can get an
unlimited-time guarantee right here at Pax Neo-TeX? If you
are dissatisfied with any bit of this Pax Neo-TeX
literature, at any time, in any place, on any planet, we
will immediately give you a full refund of all the money
you paid!
Then again, since I am giving away this document for free,
it means I do not really need to return any money. But
having a guarantee sounds nice, no?
Leitmotiv 2
Neo-TeX explains the profound difference between faith and
belief!
"Faith" is a valid word, "belief" is an invalid word. Why
do I say "faith" is a valid word? In Webster's College
Dictionary we find this:
faith
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing.
This is a valid definition. Why? Because confidence can be
measured scientifically. If you test a theory, your
confidence in the theory increases. Actually, the test only
measures the theory's validity, not your confidence, but...
argh, just agree with me!
And how does this tie in with whether a definition is
valid? In the Evil Linguistic Establishment, a definition's
"correctness" is measured by how many people use a word in
the given sense, or whether the word's morphemes agree with
the definition. But this is wrong: the correct way to
measure "correctness" is to decide how many people should
be using this definition. For example, since Neo-TeX says
that "pax" means "wedgie", so "wedgie" is the only correct
meaning of the word "pax". Remember this!
Now for the next definition of "faith":
2. belief that is not based on proof.
This is an invalid definition, because it uses the invalid
word "belief". Why is "belief" an invalid word? I will
assume that the word "belief" is universally understood to
mean... Wait, why did I not consult Webster's Dictionary
for this word too? Simple: because "belief" is an invalid
word!
What, you say this is a circular argument? Ah, I see you
are slow in comprehending the profound truth of Neo-TeX.
But worry not, I can help you.
Leitmotiv 3
Neo-TeX wishes all rational thinkers a Happy New Year!
On this day -- 2005-01-01 -- let us renew our oaths to
stamp out idiotarianism from this planet, and enlighten
those Islamic terrorists who refuse to use our calendar!
Let us hail the coming of a new day and age, as well as the
coming of a new year! And last but not least, let us
celebrate the greatness of the Great Neo-TeX that is great,
for Neo-TeX is the Greatest of the Greatest! All Hail
Neo-TeX! Neo-TeX, All Hail!
Leitmotiv 4
Always insist on the "X" in "Neo-TeX"!
It has come to our attention that the evil people at
Neo-Tech a.k.a. Novus-Tek a.k.a. Nova-Tech a.k.a.
Nuova-Tech have changed their name again, to Nouveau-Tech.
What will they call themselves next? Neuw-Tec? Novo-Tekh?
Nuovis-Teq?
Unlike the two-faced, irrational, value-destroying Neo-Tech
who keeps changing its name to dodge responsibility for its
evil deeds, we at Neo-TeX guarantee that we will forever
let ourselves be known as "Neo-TeX". "Neo" as in Neo of The
Matrix, "TE" as in Total Enlightenment, and "X" as in the X
Factor -- the metaphysical ingredient that will send lots
of naked girls flying into your bed room. So remember,
always insist on the "X" in "Neo-TeX"!
Leitmotiv 5
The Plain Truth about Barbie Diamond!
If you ever had any dealings with Neo-Tech, you will know
that they have a customer service manager named Barbara
Diamond or Barbie Diamond. From the sound of her name, you
may think she looks like this:
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But do not be fooled by the name! This is what Barbie
Diamond really looks like:
\
__\___
/ \
| \ / |
| -- -- |
| / \ |
| |
| __ |
| / \ |
\______/
In case you do not believe that Barbie Diamond can be this
ugly and evil, just google for "Barbie Diamond" "Neo-Tech"
and see for yourself how she goes around spreading
pernicious lies about Neo-TeX. For example, she says that
... hatefully-violent comments [against Neo-Tech] ...
all too often come from political-and-religious
malefactors profanely damning and physically
threatening Neo-Tech authors with Biblical torture,
bloody maiming, and horrifying death ... Most
hilarious, however, is a heavily-labored, theistic
website titled Pax Neo-TeX. Its author wildly lampoons
Neo-Tech in desperate attempts to convince himself and
his readers that Neo-Tech is in his words -- pure evil.
It is a scream. With enemies like panicked theists, who
needs friends to succeed?
Observe the sheer amount of dishonesty that is crammed into
this tiny passage. First, Barbie Diamond falsely accuses
Neo-TeX of being "theistic", even though Pax Neo-TeX
explicitly states that it is against the inclusion of the
phrase "under God" in the US Pledge of Allegiance. In
addition, she lumps Pax Neo-TeX together with people who
threaten Neo-Tech with "Biblical torture, bloody maiming,
and horrifying death", when any rational being can see that
Neo-TeX's Constipation of the Universe expressly forbids
the use of initiatory force.
But the most blatant lie in this whole passage -- indeed,
in the entire universe -- is the claim that I wrote Neo-TeX
in order to lampoon Neo-Tech. This is immediately disproved
by my very own statement that Neo-TeX is not a spoof of
Neo-Tech. When people like Barbie Diamond spread such
outright falsehoods, can anyone not wonder what ulterior
motives they have?
Now that you know that Neo-Tech's Barbie Diamond is a
deceitful, evil, and ugly being... there is only one thing
to do: join Neo-TeX now!
[Exeunt]
[last updated 2005-02-24]
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
http://ghettographics.org/bi/novus-tek.html
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