oz of oz
marika
Noah's Ark in Today's Society...
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year, I am going to make it rain
and cover the whole Earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you
to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the
Earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud formed and all the seas of the
earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard
weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big
problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did
not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on
cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S.
Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me catch any owls. So, no
owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a
settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the
Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineer demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not
taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some kind of user tax and
failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further
construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is
a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A
rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth,
Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has!"
----- Original Message -----
From: "marika" <marik...@gmail.com>
Newsgroups:
soc.culture.europe,soc.culture.usa,soc.culture.japan,soc.culture.australian,alt.usenet.legends.lester-mosley
Sent: Friday, December 28, 2007 7:56 PM
Subject: Re: INTERNATIONAL STUFF - Benazir Bhutto's Assassination (Pakistan)
| Primaries | Idiomatic Terms
>
> "marika" <marik...@gmail.com> wrote in message news:...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> http://www.world-science.net/othernews/060405_jesusfrm.htm
>>
>> Jesus walked on ice, scientist says
>>
>> April 5, 2006
>> Courtesy Florida State University
>> and World Science staff
>>
>> The New Testament says Jesus walked on water in the Sea of Galilee, but a
>> new study suggests he really strolled on a patch of floating ice, a
>> scientist says.
>>
>>
>>
>> Florida State University's Doron Nof said the study points to a rare
>> confluence of conditions ripe for development of a unique phenomenon he
>> calls springs ice.
>>
>> Ice could have formed on the cold freshwater surface, Nof and colleagues
>> said, when already chilly temperatures briefly plunged during one of two
>> long cold spells between 2,500 and 1,500 years ago.
>
> Now that we have global warming, Jesus will never walk on water again
>
>
> SCHAGEN, Netherlands -
> The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark
> Was thrown open Saturday
> - you could say it was the first time in 4,000 years - drawing a crowd
> Of curious pilgrims and townsfolk to behold the wonder.
>
>
> Of course, it's only a replica of the biblical Ark, built by Dutch
> Creationist Johan Huibers
> As a testament to his faith in the literal truth of the Bible.
> Reckoning by the old biblical measurements, Johan's fully functional ark
>
>
> Is 150 cubits long, 30 cubits high and 20 cubits wide. That's two-thirds
> The length of a football field and as high as a three-story house.
> Life-size models of giraffes, elephants, lions, crocodiles, zebras,
> Bison and other animals greet visitors as they arrive in the main hold.
>
> "The design is by my wife, Bianca," Huibers said. "She didn't really
> Want me to do this at all, but she said if you're going to anyway,
> It should look like this."
>
> A contractor by trade, Huibers built the ark of cedar and pine ---
> Biblical Scholars debate exactly what the wood used by Noah would have
> been.
>
> Huibers did the work mostly with his own hands, using modern tools
> And occasional help from his son Roy. Construction began in May 2005.
>
> On the uncovered top deck - not quite ready in time for the opening
> - will come a petting zoo, with baby lambs and chickens, and goats.
> And one camel.
> Visitors on the first day were stunned.
>
> "It's past comprehension," said Mary Louise Starosciak, who happened
> To be bicycling by with her husband while on vacation when they saw
> The ark looming over the local landscape.
>
> "I knew the story of Noah, but I had no idea the boat would have been
> So big."
>
> In fact, Noah's Ark as described in the Bible was 300 cubits long,
> 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high, which equates to 5 times the volume
> of
> Johan's or 450,000 cubic cubits!
>
> But that still leaves enough space near the keel for a 50-seat film
> Theater, where kids can watch the segment of the
> Disney film "Fantasia" that tells the story of Noah.
>
> Another exhibit shows water cascading down on a model of the Ark.
> Exhibits on the third level show ancient tools and old-fashioned
> Barrels, exotic stuffed animals, and a wax model of an
> Exhausted Noah reclining on a bed in the forecastle.
>
> Genesis says Noah kept seven pairs of most domesticated animals and
> One breeding pair of all other creatures, plus his wife, three sons and
> Three daughters-in-law together on the boat for almost a year
> While the world was deluged.
>
> Perhaps it was only logical that the replica project would be the
> Brainchild of a Dutchman: fear of floods are ingrained in the country's
> collective
> Consciousness by its water-drenched history.
>
> Lois Poppema, visiting from California, said she thought the Netherlands
> Was exactly the right place for an ark.
>
> "Just a few weeks ago we saw Al Gore on television .. Saying that all
> Holland will be flooded" due to rising sea levels, she said.
> "I don't think the man who made this ever expected that global
> warning
> Will become (such an important) issue - and suddenly having the ark
> Would be meaningful in the middle of Holland."
>
> Under sunny clear skies Saturday, Huibers said he wasn't worried about
> Another biblical flood, since according to Genesis, the rainbow is the
> Sign of God's promise never to flood the world again.
> But he does worry that recent events such as the flooding of New Orleans
> Could be seen as a portent of the end of time.
>
> Huibers said he hopes the project will renew interest in Christianity in
> The Netherlands, where churchgoing has fallen dramatically in the
> past
> 50 years. He also plans to visit major cities in Belgium and Germany.- >
>