defibrillating Leonard Cohen
bvandyk
movement to train everyone on how to use defibrillating. Apparently
about 90% of the people who have cardiac arrest-- which is not the same
as a heart attack or a heart with no companion-- die in the first 10
minutes. But if you have a defibrillator handy (in your purse or your
camera bag or something, I assume), about 53% of the victims survive.
That is amazing. Now the heart can have a companion.
They were even able to demonstrate that the average grade six student,
who doesn't know the state capital of Alaska where the oil is, can
nevertheless be trained to operate a defibrillator in just a few hours.
They tell them it's just like a Sony Playstation.
Still, I find it somewhat alarming. New York State has passed a law
that released from liability anyone who uses a defibrillator to try to
save someone. You see, if you use a defibrillator on someone who is not
having a heart attack, you can actually kill them. So I think the first
thing we need to do, after making defibrillators available to everyone
in order to save lots of lives, is to restrict their availability in
order to save lots of lives.
Another thing I find alarming about defibrillators is that you have
supposed to shave the person's chest before applying the two little
paddles and shouting "all clear", so everyone knows you watch ER. I
mean, some guy is dying (most likely in a Casino where there is a
disproportionate number of cardiac arrests as well as tacky double-knit
pantsuits), and you rush over to help and everyone's standing around
watching and you have to say, "anyone got a razor-- while he's down, I
might as well shave his chest." What if it was Burt Reynolds or
someone? "Oh my god, this is going to take hours. Anyone got a
Philishave?" What if it was Dolly Parton? "Bigger paddles, quick! We
need--- yes, those satellite dishes will do quite nicely...."
Another thing is -- which is why Cohen's explicit poetry is actually
good for our society-- what if it is a woman undergoing cardiac arrest
and you're kind of a shy young man and all these people are
watching.... Can New York State also make an exception for sexual
harassment lawsuits? But then, if they did, you'd have all these guys
walking around the beach with defibrillators on their shoulders instead
of boom boxes, and they'd be targetting good looking girls who fall
asleep while tanning. "All clear. Leon! I said ALL CLEAR! Now. I
mean it. All right, see if I care. ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP. Oh my God!
Leon's down! Someone get a razor, quick!"
I'm only bringing this up because if Leonard attends Hydra 2002... well,
he is getting on in years, and I hope they have a defibrillator handy
just in case. You know how women react around him. If Fiona or Judith
or Ania actually met Leonard, you'd have to be ready to use those
paddles, I think, though I would be very nervous about it myself. And,
instead of shouting out "all clear", I think, appropos of the occasion,
I would shout "did you ever go clear?" ZZAAAAPPPP. "Bill, Bill,
stop! She's only taking a nap!" "Not any more. We better do it
again. It's like the reset button on a computer, isn't it?"
And before I go to bed, I want to note that they have an actual video of
a 77 year old man having cardiac arrest in a Las Vegas Casino. He falls
over. The security guards rush to his aid. They look like they are in
grade 6. They rip off his shirt and shave his chest. They apply the
goo, the little sensor pads, and then -- "Go Clear!"-- the paddles.
ZAAAAPPPP. He's up. An old man who had fainted was revived. And
everyone agreed twould be a miracle indeed.... except that the video
also shows all the other people in the Casino basically ignoring him.
I'm not kidding. They took one look at the guy and went back to their
slots and blackjacks.
I think hell is... you're in a Casino. Wayne Newton is singing
"Dunkeshein". Fat ladies in pastel-plaid double-knit pantsuits are
working the slot machines. The decor resembles Andy Warhol repackaged
by Walmart. You have a heart attack. Your soul starts to rise from
your body and you look down and notice that not a single person gives a
damn. What depresses you even more is that these are not the kind of
people you wish would give a damn about you, but Ania and Fiona and
Judith and Corisa and Tim and both Mikes and Mark and Jarkko and Nancy
and Barbara .... are all in Hydra jamming to a aud and eating roast
sheep. They don't give a damn, and the guards stand helpless by: no one
remembered a shaver. They try the paddles on your butt instead. With
every zap you return to your body and the whole experience starts over
again.
Did you ever go clear?
No. ZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP Ow!
Now I am.
Me
entirety, but as a former AOL-user I know, that there are newsreaders who
would then fail to pick it up, hence the outrageous snipsnap
> Another thing is -- which is why Cohen's explicit poetry is actually
> good for our society-- what if it is a woman undergoing cardiac arrest
> and you're kind of a shy young man and all these people are
> watching.... Can New York State also make an exception for sexual
> harassment lawsuits? But then, if they did, you'd have all these guys
> walking around the beach with defibrillators on their shoulders instead
> of boom boxes, and they'd be targetting good looking girls who fall
> asleep while tanning. "All clear. Leon! I said ALL CLEAR! Now. I
> mean it. All right, see if I care. ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP. Oh my God!
> Leon's down! Someone get a razor, quick!"
>
> I'm only bringing this up because if Leonard attends Hydra 2002... well,
> he is getting on in years, and I hope they have a defibrillator handy
> just in case. You know how women react around him. If Fiona or Judith
> or Ania actually met Leonard, you'd have to be ready to use those
> paddles, I think, though I would be very nervous about it myself. And,
> instead of shouting out "all clear", I think, appropos of the occasion,
> I would shout "did you ever go clear?" ZZAAAAPPPP. "Bill, Bill,
> stop! She's only taking a nap!" "Not any more. We better do it
> again. It's like the reset button on a computer, isn't it?"
>
> (another apologetic snippedy for no other reason than to save space ... )
>
> I think hell is... you're in a Casino. Wayne Newton is singing
> "Dunkeshein". Fat ladies in pastel-plaid double-knit pantsuits are
> working the slot machines. The decor resembles Andy Warhol repackaged
> by Walmart. You have a heart attack. Your soul starts to rise from
> your body and you look down and notice that not a single person gives a
> damn. What depresses you even more is that these are not the kind of
> people you wish would give a damn about you, but Ania and Fiona and
> Judith and Corisa and Tim and both Mikes and Mark and Jarkko and Nancy
> and Barbara .... are all in Hydra jamming to a aud and eating roast
> sheep. They don't give a damn, and the guards stand helpless by: no one
> remembered a shaver. They try the paddles on your butt instead. With
> every zap you return to your body and the whole experience starts over
> again.
>
> Did you ever go clear?
> No. ZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP Ow!
> Now I am.
*** Bill, here I stand - razor in hand and taking the oath to bring it with
me to Hydra...
This is a reliable promise Bill:
As long as you won´t fail to hold ready your defibrillator, we´ll either
help you bounce back to life properly resetted and with naked chest (in case
you won´t decree by will otherwise, I´ll gladly guarantee to shave you
personally regardless how often need might occur), or we´ll let you die
gracefully!
Sincerely,
Judith (Emergency Chest Barber on duty)
bvandyk
> *** Bill, here I stand - razor in hand and taking the oath to bring it with
> me to Hydra...
> This is a reliable promise Bill:
> As long as you won´t fail to hold ready your defibrillator, we´ll either
> help you bounce back to life properly resetted and with naked chest (in case
> you won´t decree by will otherwise, I´ll gladly guarantee to shave you
> personally regardless how often need might occur), or we´ll let you die
> gracefully!
> Sincerely,
> Judith (Emergency Chest Barber on duty)
Now I'll have to be there for sure! Besides, I can help a lot, just by standing
off to the side of the stage during the open mic, holding my paddles up whenever
anyone dares go over the alotted time....
~greg
Come on bill - give credit to inspiration- Dylan's single greatest song
Desolation Row ( - just listen to it again ! no greater concentration of
ecstasy outside the fugue end of Beethoven's Hammerklavier sonata )
- some lines of which ran ....
Now at midnight all the agents
And the superhuman crew
Come out and round up everyone
That knows more than they do
Then they bring them to the factory
Where the heart-attack machine
Is strapped across their shoulders
And then the kerosene
Is brought down from the castles
By insurance men <wallace stevens?> who go
Check to see that nobody is escaping
To Desolation Row
Praise be to Nero's Neptune
The Titanic sails at dawn
And everybody's shouting
"Which Side Are You On?"
( because i just realized this means:
"which side of the ship are you on?
- upper or lower class?" - because
CNN just reminded us that the US has the widest
spread in income - eg between doctors & nurses -
of any country - so the pleasure in watching the Titanic
drop wasn't just seeing DeCaprio's capo turn a bluer shade of white
- but also in watching furs and cravats splatter
like inspired by a Jackson Pollock in a happy mood )
Then consider quitting straight-essays and satire altogether -
- and write some SONGS!
~greg
"bvandyk" <bva...@sentex.net> wrote in message news:39F661E3...@sentex.net...
> Another thing is -- which is why Cohen's explicit poetry is actually
> good for our society-- what if it is a woman undergoing cardiac arrest
> and you're kind of a shy young man and all these people are
> watching.... Can New York State also make an exception for sexual
> harassment lawsuits? But then, if they did, you'd have all these guys
> walking around the beach with defibrillators on their shoulders instead
> of boom boxes, and they'd be targetting good looking girls who fall
> asleep while tanning. "All clear. Leon! I said ALL CLEAR! Now. I
> mean it. All right, see if I care. ZZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP. Oh my God!
> Leon's down! Someone get a razor, quick!"
>
> I'm only bringing this up because if Leonard attends Hydra 2002... well,
> he is getting on in years, and I hope they have a defibrillator handy
> just in case. You know how women react around him. If Fiona or Judith
> or Ania actually met Leonard, you'd have to be ready to use those
> paddles, I think, though I would be very nervous about it myself. And,
> instead of shouting out "all clear", I think, appropos of the occasion,
> I would shout "did you ever go clear?" ZZAAAAPPPP. "Bill, Bill,
> stop! She's only taking a nap!" "Not any more. We better do it
> again. It's like the reset button on a computer, isn't it?"
>
> And before I go to bed, I want to note that they have an actual video of
> a 77 year old man having cardiac arrest in a Las Vegas Casino. He falls
> over. The security guards rush to his aid. They look like they are in
> grade 6. They rip off his shirt and shave his chest. They apply the
> goo, the little sensor pads, and then -- "Go Clear!"-- the paddles.
> ZAAAAPPPP. He's up. An old man who had fainted was revived. And
> everyone agreed twould be a miracle indeed.... except that the video
> also shows all the other people in the Casino basically ignoring him.
> I'm not kidding. They took one look at the guy and went back to their
> slots and blackjacks.
>
Me
> ´Now I'll have to be there for sure!
*** I hope that is remoteremoteremotely out of any question anyway??? No doubt
you´ll have to be there. I wouldn´t want to experience a Hydra without you, Bill,
and am certainly not alone in my this opinion!
> Besides, I can help a lot, just by standing
> off to the side of the stage during the open mic, holding my paddles up whenever
> anyone dares go over the alotted time....
*** Or when - even yet worse - they´d try to fall short of it, respectively play the
Shy ones at the pending Orgy - btw - - - this brings me to various, most intriguing
ideas... VARIOUS ideas
- where can one get hold of such equipment, Bill???
Judith (soon to be mighty irresistable with her new "argumentation powers"...
Bobbie Chalou
"Me" <you.kn...@t-online.de> wrote in message
news:39F82CED...@t-online.de...
You've been drinking again, haven't you Bill. That was an outrageously funny
post! I was standing in the grocery line this evening, reading _The
Headlines_ you know the ones I mean. Apparently, someone has stolen the
skeletons of Adam and Eve. My word! And couple of weeks ago, the devil and
the frail Pope had some sort of face to face duel in hell. Jeez. I was
thinking that sooner or later, just you wait and see, they are going to tell
us something preposterous and expect us to believe it. Are you sure you read
that defribillator thing in The Times and not the Star?
Bobbie
>